IFLA: The “Woop Woop” Edition of the Horoscope for the week of April 23

by | Apr 23, 2023 | IFLA | 60 comments

 

Keep on swimming, keep on swimming….

 

Guess what time it is boys and girls!  That’s right, it’s MERCURY RETROGRADE!  Now, if you’re reading this, you’ve most likely survived previous instances of this calamity.  However, this one has two additional… problematic times associated with it.  On Tuesday (associated with Mars) the planet Mars teams up with the moon to give a triple-whammy of conflict and breakage of things you’d rather not break.  And even worse than that if you can believe it, this month Friday the Thirteenth lands on the 28th, making that the unluckiest day I’ve read since I’ve been doing these.  You have been warned.  Aries will tend to ride this out the best of anyone, and Taurus has great potential to turn this shitstorm to their advantage.  Also, this is one of the very few times that the stars show positive signs for single people hooking up.  Just like most of Astrology is concerned with agriculture and pre-modern warfare, its focus is overwhelmingly on married folks, so if you’re single and ready to mingle, take advantage of what you get.

 

Taurus: Queen of Cups – Good, fair woman; honest, devoted woman; success, happiness, pleasure, wisdom, virtue.

Gemini: The High Priestess – Secrets, mystery, the future as yet unrevealed; silence, tenacity; mystery, wisdom, science.

Cancer: Page of Coins – Application, study, scholarship, reflection, news, messages .

Leo: 5 of Cups – Loss, but something remains over; three have been taken, but two are left; inheritance, patrimony, transmission, but not corresponding to expectations.

Virgo: 8 of Wands reversed – Jealousy, internal dispute, stingings of conscience, quarrels, domestic disputes.

Libra: Ace of Cups reversed – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.

Scorpio: Queen of Wands reversed – Opposition, jealousy, deceit.

Sagittarius: 3 of Swords – Grief, heartbreak, removal, absence, delay, division, rupture, dispersion, despair, but otherwise not that bad.

Capricorn: Queen of Swords – Female sadness and embarrassment, absence, sterility, mourning, privation, separation. 

Aquarius: Page of Cups – Fair young man; a studious youth; news, message, application, reflection, meditation.

Pisces: 2 of Swords reversed –  Imposture, falsehood, duplicity, disloyalty.

Aries: 6 of Cups – The past and memories.

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

60 Comments

  1. Shirley Knott

    Midnight now identifies as noon. Successfully, it seems.

    • Tonio

      Whatever are you going on about?

      • Shirley Knott

        Snicker. The appearance of this post dark and early maybe?

      • Gender Traitor

        Shirley’s obviously a time travele… OMG!!!! YOU’RE THE NEW DOCTOR, AREN’T YOU??? 😃

      • Tonio

        There are no Helvetian scheduling irregularities, comrade. It’s Room 101 for you, my lad.

      • Gender Traitor

        Well, it IS Mercury Gatorade after all! 😉

      • Tonio

        “Mercury Gatorade” for the win.

      • Not Adahn

        Mercury Gatorade is one of those products that also causes cancer outside the state of California.

      • Shirley Knott

        Well, that’s been my destination all along.
        But how did I get a comment posted at 5:08 am? I can’t be the only one who saw this dark and early…

      • Tonio

        Stop hacking our website!

      • Shirley Knott

        ALOL

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: 3 of Swords – Grief, heartbreak, removal, absence, delay, division, rupture, dispersion, despair, but otherwise not that bad.

    *hunts for glue to sniff*

  3. The Late P Brooks

    *cue Jaws theme*

  4. Not Adahn

    Yesterday was glorious. Today is 45 and rainy, but that just means it’s good weather to stay inside and play with the dog.

    The Easter ham bone is in a pot of beans and greens, soon to be lunch.

  5. Not Adahn

    Dunno if Moj is here or if she’s seen Pine Gap but I believe the last two episodes were written by a romance novelist.

    • Mojeaux

      I’ll check it out.

  6. Mojeaux

    Taurus: Queen of Cups – Good, fair woman; honest, devoted woman; success, happiness, pleasure, wisdom, virtue.

    *preen*

  7. Tundra

    Ah, mud season. I remember it well.

    Leo: 5 of Cups – Loss, but something remains over; three have been taken, but two are left; inheritance, patrimony, transmission, but not corresponding to expectations.

    One in the hand and all that?

  8. kinnath

    The Second Amendment is a ludicrous historical antique: Time for it to go

    TW: Salon

    Those of us who are not gun fetishists are supposed to “keep our powder dry” on the subject, but it must be said: The Second Amendment is as antique as a muzzle-loaded long gun, and should be treated as a historical artifact.

    We’re not supposed to even whisper such things because the NRA and right-wing extremists have sensible Americans — including many gun owners — so bullied and cowed that we feel we are only allowed to hope for sensible gun-safety legislation around the edges of their highly profitable assault on American lives.

    We’ve said it before, but it is always worth repeating for the millions of younger people coming to voting age each year who may not have considered it before: It doesn’t take a grammarian or a constitutional scholar to tell you that the opening clause of the Second Amendment is obviously conditional:

    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

    Meaning, so long as a militia of citizens is necessary (and a well-regulated one, at that), then what follows is true. But only if that first part pertains.

    It no longer pertains and hasn’t since the modern National Guard was formally established in 1916.

    Stupid is as stupid does.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Swearingen is a special kind of stupid that despises anything which serves as an impediment to his utopian goals. He’s written before on how private Christian classical education is a threat to democracy.

      These people hate you and want you dead.

    • Lackadaisical

      “Meaning, so long as a militia of citizens is necessary ”

      What makes him think it’s any less necessary for a FREE state?

      You want to argue we haven’t been free since (at least) 1916? Sure, you got me.

      • dbleagle

        I would refer the dumbfuck to 10USC 246 Militia-Composition and Classes

        (a)The militia of the United States consists of all able-bodied males at least 17 years of age and, except as provided in section 313 of title 32, under 45 years of age who are, or who have made a declaration of intention to become, citizens of the United States and of female citizens of the United States who are members of the National Guard.
        (b)The classes of the militia are—
        (1)the organized militia, which consists of the National Guard and the Naval Militia; and
        (2)the unorganized militia, which consists of the members of the militia who are not members of the National Guard or the Naval Militia.

        So most of the less orbited Glibs, except for the mythical females, are members of the unorganized militia. Us more orbited Glibs, without exception, have the human right as recognized by the 2A to possess firearms. Swearingen can kiss my ass.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Another 6 months and I lose my 2A rights then.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And 1 year until I can no longer reenlist without special dispensation.

      • Lackadaisical

        Becoming a mythical woman?

      • Fourscore

        I was in the retired reserves until I was about 59. Sort of a militia Probably more like the disorganized militia but still…

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Well, after the Mostly Peaceful Protests of the Summer of Love/Hate, during which governments abdicated their responsibilities en masse, I would say we saw the reason for said militia clause. And, I would go farther and say that due to the number of firearms sales during and after that fiery event, many people thought the same as me.

    • R.J.

      Why did I click on that link? I was having a nice Sunday.

      • kinnath

        TW: Salon

    • Grumbletarian

      It doesn’t take a grammarian or a constitutional scholar to tell you that the opening clause of the Second Amendment is obviously conditional:

      The clause is not conditional, or it would have said something like ‘For so long as a well regulated militia is necessary to the security of a free State,’ dimwit.

      I wonder what Swearinger would have said had Trump managed to repeal the 2A, gotten rid of privately owned guns, then refused to hand over power to Biden like all the leftist dolts were afraid he would do.

    • Lackadaisical

      That sounds shitty.

    • Sean

      It’s never enough.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      I have to wonder what happens when the Muslims go after the trans people and whatever else the Progressives hold dear.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        At least we’ll get prison reform. Instead of throwing people in jail we’ll simply whip them or cut off body parts including the head as per the Koran.

      • R.J.

        Progressives hardest hit.

  9. DEG

    Loss, but something remains over; three have been taken, but two are left; inheritance, patrimony, transmission, but not corresponding to expectations.

    Sufficiently shitty? Not sufficiently shitty? I can’t tell.

    Nice dog videos.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

    That militia was specifically required to protect the people from the government, but don’t let that slow you down.

  11. whiz

    Gemini: Secrets, mystery, the future as yet unrevealed; silence, tenacity; mystery, wisdom, science.

    Science! Yay for me?

  12. DEG

    OT: Remember This guy?

    He went on to run for Lt. Gov. of NC, and won. He is now running for Governor of NC.

    He announced at Ace Speedway, a racetrack that defied Cooper’s Lil Rona Panic orders.

    • kinnath

      First white pill in a while.

      I was no aware that he had become Lt Gov.

      • DEG

        I expect the GOP Establishment will shank him.

      • kinnath

        Did he sell out and become just another grifter? Or is he actually doing good things?

      • DEG

        I haven’t paid much attention to him over his time as Lt. Gov, but judging by this Politico article, he’s not another grifter.

      • kinnath

        thanks

  13. trshmnstr the terrible

    OT: I’ve watched all of 5 minutes of the USFL, and it’s a substantially better viewing experience than the NFL.

    No cutaways to a sideline reporter with some human interest story. No virtue signaling on the field or in the booth. No constant promos between plays. No announcers going on weird tangents. So far, no weird penalties.

  14. Grummun

    OT: Last night the wife says “find us a bad movie to watch,” to which I responds “AmbuLAnce.”

    For a Michael Bay movie, a disappointing lack of explosions. But stupid and bad in pretty much every other way. We watch these things because criticizing the stupidity of others brings closer together. That’s probably not healthy.

      • DEG

        Ahhh…. “Love is Hell”

    • Gender Traitor

      …criticizing the stupidity of others brings closer together. That’s probably not healthy.

      It’s worked like a charm for Glibertarians.com

      • Animal

        I thought that was pretty much our raison d’être.

      • Tundra

        I’m just here to meet girls.

      • Rat on a train

        I came for the waters.

    • Michael Malaise

      Unsanitized banana clip surgical clamp FTW.

    • R.J.

      OMG. Pick any Thursday night film.
      Sadly, I got less than 100 comments last time, so I have been punished. STEVE SMITH is taking over this Thursday.

      • whiz

        So sorry RJ, but I have poker Thursday nights and can’t really participate.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    A bad (dumb but entertaining) movie, you ask?

    Try this one; I watched it last night.

    Cute girls aplenty. Ami Dolenz- hubba hubba.