I took the family to the zoo this weekend. The zookeepers refused to let us leave the primate habitat until I could prove that I brought the four monkeys with us. They have this animatronic bug exhibit that was pretty cool. Except they were all smaller than the average Florida cockroach (that’s hyperbole there, they were quite large). I probably should have been a better husband and told my wife about the bombadier beetle shooting water. My way was funnier. Let’s see what we have for links for you today…
When God wants you, there is no safe place to take a piss.
This is, to use a word from my kids, “sus” as hell.
I am just shocked to find out that CNN was serious enough about finding an audience to let Don Lemon go. Oh wow, Tucker is out, too. Who will Boomers use to link asinine, fear-mongering stories to?
Zog think wheel make people lazy and weak. That’s my basic take on the AI stuff. Mostly, it will help more people survive, occasionally, it will allow them to be crushed under a load no single animal could carry, or converted into a torture device.
I’ll keep up with Spud’s music theme.
I intend to use AI to write new pickup lines.
I am not gonna get any, am I?
Are you from around here? Because your speech patterns don’t match my training set.
You might get some pepper spray.
Are you a bot? Because I can’t believe you’re real.
A friend who scored a lot told me “Wannafug?” worked enough times to make up for the more numerous rejections.
Are we talking just quantity over quality here?
1) Be attractive.
2) Don’t be unattractive.
Not with that attitude!
Can AI protect people from flying cows?
AI isn’t Earthworm Jim.
“What’s your towing capacity?”
“Do you have a bed liner?”
“How easy is it to clean you up when I get your undercarriage all dirty?”
I like me some big ole mud-flaps…
Obligitory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjC0vMIrOAk
I was not disappointed.
Heartily approves!
Shivdayal Sharma, 82, died immediately after being struck by a flying cow which was hit and flung 100 feet into the air by an express train.
Sharma had been urinating on the track in the region of Alwar, India, when the freak incident occurred.
Instant karma.
That’s the best swastika photo they have of the kid?
Sus AF.
I think that’s the notaswastika version of the swastika… because it’s not one.
Why is the skin all wet?
Autistic and nonverbal, she probably noticed it after a bath. Imma just chalk this one up to standard matronly panickiness.
Can’t dry it off before snapping a pic? Weird.
Aesthetic choice? All panicky mothers want their hastily snapped photos to look their best.
I had better scratches on my back from just one night with a cheap illiterate hooker
Brad Pitt licked it after he was done with his bowie knife.
I made a mistake. I thought that the whole Nascar “noose” debacle was going to be the most ridiculously obvious hate crime hoax that the media would be willing to push. I should have had less faith in them. My bad.
This is, to use a word from my kids, “sus” as hell.
Maybe. This would have been extreme, but not out of place for my high school. I imagine divisions are even worse today.
I broke a classmate’s nose during school after being called a kike. He backed down or it would have gone farther. Antisemitism wasn’t common, but it wasn’t unknown. The racial divides went deeper. Another guy didn’t have his friends for support and was held down by a group of black guys in the locker room. They came fairly close to raping him, but let him go with just bruises and a wounded ego. He was white and alone. They were simply bored.
Stuff like this story happens. Division is purposefully stoked to divide the populace. And there are some evil motherfuckers out there. There was a news story last year about a kid with autism being kidnapped and tortured by classmates. Those classmates proudly shared the video online, so definitely not a hoax. There are of course plenty of hoaxes as well.
I know this kind of stuff happens all the time in high schools. Some times kids are ignorant and sometimes they think saying racist stuff is just edgy.
1)
Didn’t mean to post. I was reacting to the picture of the “carving” in the article. It doesn’t look any thing like a swastika. I’m also sick of one-off anecdotes like this turning into national news and being used to indicate that there’s some kind pattern of growing antisemitism. Most of the time, asshole kids are just asshole kids.
The squirrels are out today. I didn’t mean my post as a reply to yours.
As far as the picture, I get that too. People can’t draw for shit, and, if this story is true, I’m sure the kid didn’t oblige his captors by sitting still while they carved into his flesh.
I posted about here about this story when it happened. A guy worked for me for years doing odd jobs on the property. After a few years, his shirt sleeve rode up and I noticed the the worst swastika tat on his arm I’d ever seen. I asked him about it and it was so bad that he said most people thought it was man running. Prison tat. He used the offered money to get a cover up and keep working for me instead of taking the cash as severance (my two offered choices).
And all it does is gin up more of the same shit.
If I didn’t know that everyone who works at corporate news orgs was a paragon of integrity, humility and accuracy, I might get silly ideas like ginning shit up is actually their main goal.
***Reshapes tinfoil into a tasteful old-timey press fedora***
I think they should get famed Swastika Hunter Sarah Silverman on the case.
The classmates were so diabolical that they carved the insignia for the 2nd SS Panzer Division on the kid.
Ziss ist not how ve do tings in za ver-mahct!
A Las Vegas mother says her Jewish son, who is autistic, returned home from high school with a swastika carved into his back last month.
Ahh, the tried-and-true Morton Downey Jr. gambit. Always good for a bit of sympathy from the gullible.
A Las Vegas mother says her Jewish son, who is autistic, returned home from high school with a swastika carved into his back last month.
The FBI is investigating the incident after the mother, who requested to remain anonymous in media reports, filed complaints with both the Clark County School District and local law enforcement. Her son attends typical classes but is nonverbal and uses a service dog.
I did nazi that coming.
I blame the dog.
The dog’s name… Blondi.
Just a coincidence.
Do you know who else liked dogs?
Tommy Rettig?
South Koreans?
The next letter in the LGBTQRSTLMNOQ+ sequence?
Dennis Renold’s gramps?
I knew somebody was Göring to say that.
Yep, somebody Reich here.
Shivdayal Sharma, 82, died immediately after being struck by a flying cow which was hit and flung 100 feet into the air by an express train.
Sharma had been urinating on the track in the region of Alwar, India, when the freak incident occurred.
At least it wasn’t a flying pig.
Do Hindus consider it a special honor to be killed by a flying cow?
It’s a bold strategy, Cotton…
Hunter Biden’s legal team is asking the Treasury Department to investigate a former Trump aide for circulating federal banking records linked to the president’s son and Congress to take action against Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene for her statements about Biden.
Letters sent Monday morning to the House Ethics Committee and the Treasury Department’s Office of Inspector General and obtained by NBC News are among the latest efforts in an increasingly public and aggressive strategy from Hunter Biden’s legal team, led by attorney Abbe Lowell.
That’s gotta be a rough job.
I’m sure it pays well, but does it pay well enough to offset the liver damage from all the drinking?
Probably a lot better than being on Trump’s legal team.
Someone’s gotta keep the coke fires burning.
That smelts fishy.
Did you get the joke? Coke fire? Smelt? The fishy is just a red herring.
I thought you were talking about strippers…
By Jaron Lanier
Jay-sus, where did they dig him up from?
I remember when he was everywhere, touted as this visionary. He always struck me as “often wrong, never in doubt”.
Why A I?
The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday declined to hear a challenge by computer scientist Stephen Thaler to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office’s refusal to issue patents for inventions his artificial intelligence system created.
The justices turned away Thaler’s appeal of a lower court’s ruling that patents can be issued only to human inventors and that his AI system could not be considered the legal creator of two inventions that he has said it generated.
Thaler founded Imagination Engines Inc, an advanced artificial neural network technology company based in Saint Charles, Missouri. According to Thaler, his DABUS system, short for Device for the Autonomous Bootstrapping of Unified Sentience, created unique prototypes for a beverage holder and emergency light beacon entirely on its own.
The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office and a federal judge in Virginia rejected his patent applications for the inventions on the grounds that DABUS is not a person. The patent-focused U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit upheld those decisions last year and said U.S. patent law unambiguously requires inventors to be human beings.
I suppose if he claimed the design as his own the computer would kill him in his sleep.
It’s a Banana Junior 6000.
patent law unambiguously requires inventors to be human beings.
Speciesists
Ooh. Live Nation dropped an invitation in my email….
“On the final tour stop for her 2022 bestseller The Light We Carry, Michelle Obama unpacks her toolbox, sharing personal stories, hard-won wisdom, practical advice, and hearty laughs in a wide-ranging conversation with pal Oprah Winfrey.
Watch the Netflix Special starting tomorrow on April 25.”
I don’t know if I’d ever want to see Michelle Obama unpacking her tool box.
With soundtrack by Q. Lazzarus?
“Watch them trade quips about the help.”
“hard-won wisdom”
So, it is a comedy tour then?
How peculiar.
Something very strange is happening with Big Corporations. Out of nowhere, @kroger owned @FrysFoodStores, @KayJewelers, @Hallmark, and now @DoorDash have all sent “Opt out of #MothersDay” emails to their customer base. This is not organic.
Meh. I think this was started with Etsy and the like a couple years back. All it was (at least the Etsy one) was a message saying that with a holiday coming up that may bring up bad memories to their customer base, they were going to offer the ability to opt out of specific (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc), or all holiday marketing.
I don’t have an issue with providing the option.
as long as they provide the same option for all other events they push
Piss on these spiteful mutants.
Okay, I’ll play a bit of devil’s advocate here. A lot of these companies probably use the same automated customer email platforms and these are automated by MailChimp (or whomever) and just skinned to look like each brand. The brands have opted-in to all of the basic auto-generated emails including particular day/holiday opt-out ones.
Yeah? Think we’ll get the option to opt of National Chick Month, Black History Month or any of the other nauseating woke shit?
That’s why they all look/sound alike. I think the real fault is with the email platforms and lazy CMOs not understanding the details.
That’s true. I feel worse for my corporate brethren who get pummeled with it year round. At least I can unsubscribe.
I don’t discount activism, but it’s not like the CEOs of these corps had a roundtable to talk about killing Mother’s Day.
Can I log out of TransKids Day?. Shoe doesn’t fit.
Bruh… after the Twitter files and the last 8 years of debanking, deplatforming, demonetizing, delisting, de-etc., it would be far more surprising to find that they were *not* colluding on political messaging. Whether there’s shadowy meetings in smoky conference rooms, or everybody in the C-suite of every Fortune 1000 company just happens to read the same ActBlue PDF every Monday morning, the result is the same.
I got one of those last year from Mauna Loa Macadamia Nuts. Surprised it took globohomo this long to get the big boys doing it. Coincidentally, I have not ordered any macadamia nuts from Mauna Loa since then. I trust that a bunch of fragile, whiny, gender-confused bitches who can’t handle seeing the word “mother” will more than make up for my lost business.
I’ll take this as confirmation that he was more on point than not because he insufficiently toed the establishment line.
“Pure joy,” one Fox reporter told Rolling Stone of their reaction to the split. “No one is untouchable. It’s a great day for America, and for the real journalists who work hard every day to deliver the news at Fox.”
“It was a good move to part ways with Tucker,” added a producer. “He knowingly spread lies throughout his time at Fox, but I fear management will replace him with someone who is just like him … so there probably won’t be any real change.”
“Good riddance,” said a network correspondent. “For a while there it seemed like he was running the network. This clearly is a message that he’s not. In the interim, it’s a morale boost, that’s for sure.”
Canning one of the two guys carrying the place just to make envious second-rate fellow employees gloat is not. I think, a sound business proposition.
It could work!
lulz
Have Tucker pay the fine out of his paycheck.
It’s actually a white pill.
Stop trying to make me think you’re the real Michael Malice!
He’s too nice on the internet for that to be true.
I was a horrible person on Twitter. Got permabanned.
I wear it as a fucking badge of honor!
LOL
Wait til they find out they’re replaceable, too, after most of the network’s audience is gone.
America is totally ready for a non-binary beer mascot!
Why is this stuff being poured out everywhere?
It’s not getting poured out, that’s the problem. It’s sitting on shelves, getting old and getting past it’s Best By date (I’m not sure how the general AB-InBev distributors deal with past code items).
As much as I generally dislike “AB-Inbev” I think the answer to the parenthetical is “very well”.
I’d lean that way myself, as having past code items reflects poorly on the distributor, retailer, and brewer. You don’t want to be the distributor that’s leaving old beer out there to get corporate complaints called in.
I have mentioned before that the family of a friend owns a shop that makes distilling and brewing equipment. AB (pre-inbev) was one of their biggest customers. When August Busch III was coming to visit, the place had to be made spotless. Even things like a ladder sitting out would upset him.
If he was that way around vendors, imagine the way distributors were expected to perform? And they had the power to enforce it by “arranging” distributor buyouts.
They did a lot of bad things with that power, but it caused some good too.
Back when AB owned Busch Gardens, visits by Auggie would inspire dread and terror. The managers would torment the park employees with constant requests to pick up gum and spitshine everything.
Auggie would walk through, offer his critiques, and then go party at Kingsmill.
I noticed the lies weren’t named.
One thing Tucker said regularly that stuck with me – “they only punish the people telling the truth.’
Another government immunity kick in the nuts
Prosecutors have way too much power. And zero accountability. No wonder Soros focused his efforts on them.
It only counts if you sleep with them.
Video shows suspect accused of operating secret Chinese police stations mingling with Schumer, Adams
“They were setting him up!”
I’m not saying Schumer and Adams aren’t INCREDIBLY corrupt, but this “we managed to get a picture of a prominent politician standing next to a criminal” gotcha journalism needs to stop. It’s not like politicians would ever spend a second with anyone who wasn’t a criminal that could help their career anyway.
In addition to the laptop, we have model citizen Hunter Biden’s child support case. This was brought on by himself because he’s requesting his payments be reduced.
HB: I make less money now so I should pay less child support.
Judge: Ok, let’s see some receipts.
HB: Well that’s sensitive, you’ll just have to take my word for it. I make less now so reduce my payments.
The mom’s lawyer is trying to get him jailed until he produces the records. To me this seems like a clear case of contempt of court, but I’m just a lowly serf, the law applies to us differently.
https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2023/04/24/arkansas-court-petitioned-jail-hunter-biden-until-conveys-financial-records-paternity-case/
Can you imagine the fear in Hunter’s nightmares when the old man is gone?
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
I’m sitting on my patio with the dog while my neighbor target practices with his compound bow. I’m still extremely stressed & anxious, but this moment is good.
Yes. Take the moments when they show up.
Enjoy what is best in life, KK.
She should listen to her own lamentations?
“Pure joy,” one Fox reporter told Rolling Stone of their reaction to the split. “No one is untouchable. It’s a great day for America, and for the real journalists who work hard every day to deliver the news at Fox.”
It sounds like this person’s first choice was MSNBC, but they didn’t offer him a job.
Anybody who would use the descriptor “pure joy” in regards to that has already shown their bias and need for social approval.
Besides, Carlson was underwriting a lot of salaries at Fox. They just lost a lot of job security.
It sounds like they’re positioning themselves to get a really good gig high up when CNN, MSNBC and Fox all have to merge into one because of low ratings. Chief Editor at New Pravda would be a sweet gig.
Former employees of Fox get lined up first when New Pravda (same as the old Pravda) gets to town.
Anyone who describes themselves as “real journalists” are next.
Doesn’t New Pravda just take Babylon Bee stories and remove the sarcasm and humor from them.
Speaking of the Bee, did anyone catch this winning headline yet?
https://babylonbee.com/news/disneyworld-forced-to-close-after-desantis-builds-elementary-school-within-1000-feet
“A 22-year-old Canadian actor has died after spending $220,000 on 12 plastic surgeries so he could play BTS’s KPOP star Jimin for a US streaming network.
Saint Von Colucci died at a South Korean hospital on Sunday morning after suffering complications from the cosmetic procedures he had a few months ago.”
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12007677/Canadian-actor-dies-spending-220-000-TWELVE-plastic-surgeries-play-BTSs-KPOP-Jimin.html
Wow.
“Dr. Charles Darwin, please pick up the white courtesy phone.”
“Four-time NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers is FINALLY traded to the Jets, ending his 18-YEAR stay at Green Bay – as New York makes a huge move in bid to win its first Super Bowl since 1969
New York receives not only Rodgers but the Packers’ No. 15 pick and a fifth-rounder in Thursday’s draft. In exchange, Green Bay receive the Jets’ 13th overall draft choice, plus its second and sixth-rounder, and a conditional 2024 second-round pick, which will become a second if Rodgers plays 65% of snaps this season.
Rodgers will wear the No. 8 for Gang Green according to Schefter, despite receiving Joe Namath’s blessing to wear his customary No. 12. The four-time MVP wore No. 8 while in college.”
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/nfl/article-11843353/Aaron-Rodgers-traded-New-York-Jets-ending-18-YEAR-stay-Green-Bay.html
Narrator: The Jets still did not win the Super Bowl.
Yeah, Rogers is on the way down and the Jets are still the Jets.
How often do these moves actually work?
It actually worked for Tampa, for a year.
Worked for the Rams with Stafford, for one season anyway.
That was fast:
Aaron Rodgers Retires From Professional Football To Play With The Jets
I’m confused. If the Jets want a shot at the Super Bowl, why’d they hire Rodgers?
Namath wouldn’t come out of retirement?
Six degrees of useful idiot.
Gross. Although his wife is still pretty hot.
I guess Bacon isn’t much brighter or informed than many of the people commenting on his post.
“Fact: all original Shakespearean plays (and many before those) were essentially drag: women weren’t allowed to work in those days so men cross-dressed for the female parts (and enjoyed it). Drag is not a new phenomenon. Only the vehement loudspeakered rejection is new.”
Minstrel shows were popular once. I guess we should drop “vehement loudspeakered rejection” of them too?
I think it’s more that Lady Macbeth wasn’t waving her dick in a kid’s face.
Because women were banned on stage. Maybe we should bring that back.
I’d close that!
Female Crash Test Dummy Says She Doesn’t Know How Car Got Totaled
BB; how did I know before hovering?
I hope she was worth it.
Expensive, regardless.
😂😂
It’ll buff out.
Hilarious 🙂
(But different boats)
So you were looking closely at the boats?
My aspie powers allow me to look closely at everything
“The bitches set me up.
6:14 PM · Nov 8, 2011”
https://twitter.com/TuckerCarlson/status/134046087139950592
Tucker might be drunk
Now he is – unexpected vacay!
🎶It’s just another Mammary Monday🎶
https://archive.is/FKPzN
Bonus:
https://tinyurl.com/5dnww8zc