About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

100 Comments

  1. Sean

    LOL!

  2. Tundra

    “How many times did you sit by and watch Donald rail your beloved Hope Hicks while you pined for her?”

    Brutal but awesome!

    • Don escaped Texas

      SMU chicks: not worth it

      • R.J.

        Truer words were never spoken.

      • Don escaped Texas

        but the rellenos at Ozuna are awesome

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, there needs to be a hot/high maintenance matrix.

      • Not Adahn

        The (former) H&K Twitter chickeepoo was an SMU chick.

  3. Fourscore

    Excellent as always, CP . These fellers will be ready for prime time when the campaign gets under way

  4. rhywun

    Damn, the hat is particularly salty tonight.

    • R.J.

      He just wants his fucking lunch.

    • Penguin

      “He has Elon’s Musk all over him” – LOL

      • rhywun

        +1 laff

      • hayeksplosives

        I liked that one too!

  5. DEG

    Ron DeSantis a Boomer? He’s younger than me and I’m not a Boomer.

    • R.J.

      A proper insult though for someone who couldn’t make his website work. I heard Elon fired someone for that.

    • R C Dean

      He’s solidly Gen X. Trump, born in 1946, is right at the leading edge of the Boomers.

      • Rat on a train

        Gen X deserves a chance to kick the can down the road.

    • rhywun

      Jesus… I’m nine years older than him.

      • R.J.

        Twelve here. Guy’s a baby. Good for him.

      • slumbrew

        Old guy moment mentioned on the Carolla podcast:

        OMD wrote ‘Ebola Gay’ 35 years after the plane flew its mission. WWII was just black and white footage and some old dudes to the band, I’m sure.

        That song is now 43 years old.

        Oy.

      • rhywun

        Ebola

        😱

      • slumbrew

        😀

        Not my worst autocorrect.

      • R.J.

        I love it.

  6. Old Man With Candy

    I’m trying to think of the analogous characters when Harris is on the throne. I really wish I hadn’t done that.

    • R C Dean

      There’s a merkin, isn’t there. A talking merkin.

      • kinnath

        You’re saying she doesn’t maintain an all-natural bush?

      • R C Dean

        *sticks fingers in ears*

        Lalalalalala! I can’’t hear you!

    • rhywun

      I think Ms. Obama is more likely than Harris. And way more terrifying.

      • The Last American Hero

        So the characters friends m this he stars wars bar then.

    • Not Adahn

      I’d assume he’d coordinate with Q to present the continuing adventures of Kaylieburrough and Pals.

    • hayeksplosives

      All the cool kids are there.

      Ok Both of the cool kids are there.

      OK it’s just me and CPRM. Join us!

  7. rhywun

    +10 days without a nic-stick. The worst fits are, as expected, post eating. I shift down to a lower patch level in a few days.

    My previous record was 11 days in a hospital bed in 2020.

    • kinnath

      Congrats and good luck

    • rhywun

      Of course, the patch is “cheating”. I think it has a purpose in letting me wean myself off the manipulative muscle-memory without being a raging bitch to everyone around me.

      • kinnath

        There is no cheating. There is doing or not doing.

      • rhywun

        OK, Yoda.

        I did try “cold turkey”. Lasted about a day.

        I gave up and thought maybe those Lung people might be on to something with their 3-step plan, even thought it seemed counter-intuitive at first.

      • Fourscore

        At this point you are safe. Maybe an urge but it goes away. Another couple weeks and you’ll be totally safe. I read somewhere that it takes as long to rebuild lung capacity as the length of time one smoked.

        I quit at 38 and started running, it took a couple years or more before I could run 6 miles. That seemed to be my limit. I was a 2 pack Winston man when I quit cold turkey. I gained some weight after wards as well.

      • rhywun

        Most of the lung issues melted away when I switched from smoking to vaping five years ago.

        It’s more the dependency that I hate now.

        LOL I’m not running six miles, esp. if I put on more weight. That’s another consarned issue I need to deal with some time, but one resolution at a time.

      • rhywun

        Maybe an urge but it goes away.

        Yeah, they do!

        My favorite bit was traveling last weekend, on a bus for five hours and during the rest-stop I had no desire to blaze up. Instead, I had time to find something to eat. Much useful.

    • pistoffnick

      Attaboy! Keep it up! Not because it is bad for you, but because it is an expensive habit.

      • rhywun

        That too.

    • Chafed

      Keep going Rhywun. You’re doing great.

      • Gustave Lytton

        His new neighbors and friends are going to do the “wow, you used to smoke? I never knew that!” on him.

    • Brochettaward

      Hopefully they release this bombshell piece of audio so CPRM can make use of it.

    • rhywun

      “tape bomb” 🙄

      Eyes glaze over trying to read that but it’s obvious the end goal is to put him in prison, and always has been.

      Not sure if they understand that he can still run from pris, and it might even improve his chances.

      • Brochettaward

        Trump winning in a landslide from prison would be the best possible timeline.

      • rhywun

        I’d probably die from laughing.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Seriously. The level of awesome would be insane.

        Heads exploding insane.

      • Brochettaward

        Watching the DOJ arguing to silence a leading presidential candidate before an actual court would be pretty revealing.

    • Chafed

      I have no trouble believing this is true. I’ll take it seriously when DOJ starts prosecuting everyone doing it.

      • Brochettaward

        I think the DOJ is shameless and will have no problem going after Trump while turning a blindeye to everyone else doing it.

      • Chafed

        Of course. That’s why I can’t take it seriously.

    • Gustave Lytton

      How the fuck is a 1L delivering speeches at a commencement? Their minds are still full of mush.

      • Chafed

        It’s CUNY GL. *lights cigarette*

      • Gustave Lytton

        She certainly filled the room with her intelligence.

    • rhywun

      She’ll find success on the protest circuit that hits my corner every couple weeks during the warm weather. Maybe a Linda Sarsour protege.

      • Chafed

        Sarsour hasn’t made the headlines in awhile. I could see her spending some time with CAIR, then running for AOC’s seat.

      • rhywun

        I’m pretty sure it’s her I see/hear from my living room window when they stage another Action. Anyway it’s the same chick rallying every time for years now so yeah it’s her.

      • Chafed

        Your impending move to the country must be looking better and better.

    • Brochettaward

      I don’t know, she looks like a would to me.

      • Chafed

        You were out when your math class covered matrices, right?

      • Brochettaward

        Algebra is in opposition to everything that Firsting stands for. It is seconder math.

      • cyto

        Getting older means that pretty much anything young and within shouting distance of in shape looks like a would.

      • Chafed

        I had no idea Bro was that old.

  8. cyto

    Remember that court decision that said Trump couldn’t block anyone on Twitter because the constitution says so?

    Well, I may have blocked this out, but I don’t remember it being covered…. after Twitter banned him the Supreme Court declined to hear his appeal and declared the entire case moot (his not having a Twitter account any more)

    The article I read said that this meant the appeals court ruling was no longer precedent and other judges didn’t need to follow it.

    So in a world where we talk about a double standard a lot… we literally have a constitutional law decision that only applies to Trump and nobody else.

    This came up because of the AOC parody account. She is trying to get it banned, but in the interim she blocked it… directly contravention the Trump precedent. So I wanted to cite the case in response, but I found that it had been rendered moot instead.

    The AOC parody controversy is hilarious, BTW.

    • Chafed

      If the Supreme declared the case moot, then the appellate decision stands. There probably is precedent out there working against her. But AOC doesn’t care about that.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The whole Twitter ban thing is ass backward.

      • CPRM

        Trump can’t block people on Twitter! But Twitter can ban him, thus blocking everyone. It all makes sense in a Tyler kind of way.

    • CPRM

      A ‘news’ story about a video a comic uploaded. I hate everyone.

  9. Brochettaward

    I’ve been Firstin most my life Firstin in a a Firster’s paradise…

  10. Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

    Best Joke in a while:

    “All hell’s breaking loose. You see that homeless guy got killed the other week? The Michael Jackson impersonator?” Fischer asked the audience, who mumbled a nothing response, given the touchy subject matter.

    “I watched his videos – not the best Michael Jackson impersonator,” Fischer continued, to a few more laughs. “But then I found out he got arrested for trying to kidnap a 7-year-old. I was like, actually a pretty good Michael Jackson impersonator.”

    • Chafed

      Thread fail or just not looking up two comments?

      • Brochettaward

        Guys! Guys! You are both second. Stop fighting.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean! Big fun on the agenda tonight – going downtown to catch a kick-ass music show for FREE!!! 😃🎶🎸🥁

      • Fourscore

        Double the fun! Careful downtown, GT, that’s where all the trouble spots are. Except in Podunkville, the gangs consist of 1 happy drunk walking home alone.

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks, 4(20)! It’s really a nice venue – a nice big grassy area where you can park your lawn chair wherever you find room (arrive early!) and adjacent to the parking garage for the nearby convention center. It’ll even be over before dark (fortunately, since it IS a “school night.”)

      • Grosspatzer

        Ooh, fun time! Enjoy the show!

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks, ‘patzie! Great timing, too – it’s our second* 27th anniversary, which is, of course, the country/blues/rock anniversary!

        *We have two anniversaries each year – one for the date we made it legal and one for the day we threw the big party. It is not at all unusual for both of us to forget both of them.

      • Grosspatzer

        Memory issues? Me too. I thought it was due to senescence, but there may be another reason.

        https://nypost.com/2023/05/31/covid-19-lockdowns-had-same-effect-on-memory-as-jail-time-study/

        “In a landscape, if features are not clearly discernible, it is harder to place objects/yourself in relation to other features,” he explained. “Restrictions imposed during the pandemic have impoverished our timescape, affecting the perception of event timelines.”

        “We can recall that events happened, we just don’t remember when,” he added.

      • Sean

        From the comments:

        More cover for vaccine side effects.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Like a day drinking harridan on her fifth husband Canada’s going to nag people into compliance. If they haven’t gotten the message by now that’s not going to help.

      • Fourscore

        At the price of Canadian cigarettes I’m surprised anyone is still smoking.

        About 25 years ago I smuggled a carton of smokes into Canada, gave it to the Native Outfitter. He didn’t smoke but back in the ‘Village’ ciggies were like $80 a carton, compared to 25-30 US.

    • R.J.

      It should carry the website address for MAID.

  11. Fourscore

    Morning GT, Stinky and Sean and all the other early birds.

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin ‘, 4×20. Also the rest of you reprobates.

      • Fourscore

        Morning, ‘Patzer. Seems like some of the older folks gt up early or in a different time zone.

        Back to the garden again today, neighbor dropped by yesterday with some farm fresh fertilizer and it’ll work wonders on our sand.

      • Grosspatzer

        Enjoy. I hope to be spending more time in the garden next summer, I’m about done with the rat race. Short timer, I am.

  12. Not Adahn

    So far all the Nationals matches I’ve worked have used song names as the theme. This year is different. I’m wondering if these are all from “The Naked Gun” or if other movies/Police Squad! episodes are involved.

    https://www.glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/stage-names.jpg

    Also, someone is showing their age here. My Millennial boss has never seen the movies.