“Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” Hunter asked, his voice quivering with awe.
Karine closed one eye and bent to inspect the giant rock of crack cocaine that Hunter was cradling to his bosom. Hunter attempted to fellate one of her bouncy brown locks of hair, and she belched.
“Whoa,” Karine said unsteadily as she stood. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Not on Hunter Jr., you’re not,” Hunter cried and pushed away from her on his office chair. Finnegan had installed him in a small office–a storage closet really–deep in the Residence. He went less than a foot and the back of his chair hit drywall.
“Is this what you do all day in here?” Karine asked. The office smelled like a mushroom farm.
“Yup, just me and Junior, smoking up and cranking the hog to motorcycle crash videos.”
“Must be nice, I have to go out there and they ask me questions,” Karine said. “Questions I’m supposed to answer. It’s very difficult. I’m under so much pressure.” She pulled a can of Bud Light from her purse and scrabbled at the tab with her fingernails.
“I know what you need,” Hunter said as Karine finally opened the can. Karine took a long drink and sighed.
“What do I need?” Karine asked, closing one eye and then the other. “Cock? Is it cock? Is it your cock? This is tiresome.”
Hunter giggled.
“I’m a rug-muncher, dammit; a clam-digger,” Karine said angrily. “I want a woman, smooth and hairless. Preferably one that one of you hasn’t jizzed in.”
“Is there no room for a bisexual in your heart, Karine? Aren’t we, in the end, just all people?”
“Demon,” Karine spat.
“Now, now. While I maintain you do need a few rounds of deep-dicking, I was thinking Junior here might be just the right medicine.”
“I am not smoking crack,” Karine said.
“Are you sure?” Hunter said in a high falsetto, nodding the softball of crack like it was talking. “I’m the cure for what ails you, Rin-Rin.”
“Stop it.”
“Stop what?” the crack voice asked. “Stop being delicious? Stop being fucking awesome?”
“The voice is creeping me out,” Karine said quietly.
“But I’m your friend,” Cracky the Rock said. “Don’t you want to be mine?”
“Jesus,” she muttered in disgust, swallowing hard against a rising gorge.
“Smoke me, Karine,” the crack rock begged.
Hunter bashed the huge chunk down on the desk and Karine jumped.
“Ow,” the Cracky said. “That hurt, Daddy.”
“Well, I’m sorry Junior, but it’s not like Karine can smoke all of you,” Hunter said, using the large rock to nose through pieces that had broken off.
“This one looks just right,” Cracky said, pushing a piece the size of a butterbean toward Karine.
“Are you sure that’s not too much?” Hunter asked the rock.
“Of course not,” Cracky said. “Have I ever steered you wrong, Daddy?”
Hunter picked up the fragment of crack cocaine and slipped it into the pocket of Karine’s jacket.
“I’m just going to tuck that in here in case you need it later…” Hunter gave her a grotesque wink.
“Bye, bye, my little butterbean,” Cracky said. “You go play nice with Aunty Karine.”
“And the best part,” Hunter said as she backed out of the room, “They just restocked the paraphernalia vending machine down in the basement. Fresh stems and culinary blow-torches for everyone!”
Cracky saying, “I love you, Daddy,” broke the spell, allowing her to turn and flee.
Hunter licked the rock, one long slow drag of his tongue over its rough surface, and shivered in delight.
…Now I’m wondering exactly how much bitterness he’d be exposed to before his tongue went numb.
The world is one long slow motion motorcycle crash video.
Now I want crack. Thanks a fucking lot.
Too declassee for NPR lady?
She’s more of a wine and weed type.
I had one friend that admitted to trying crack. So I asked him what it was like. He paused, and got this faraway look in his eyes, wistful like, and said, “It’s amazingly great.” Then he paused again for a long time, and finally said, “I’m glad I don’t have a way to get anymore.”
Crack was available in my misspent youth and I always passed. “I assume I’d like it a lot. Most people seem to. I don’t need that temptation.”
I’ll call that a wise choice, in retrospect.
Acid was that way for me.
But why crack and not just coke?
The argument is that crack gets you higher while actually using less cocaine, which makes it cheaper. And–like smoking the Devil’s Lettuce vs. an edible–the high itself is qualitatively different, a sharp spike and comedown vs. a long plateau.
I have tried cocaine. I liked it quite a bit, but I couldn’t imagine going about my day like that. It is very close to mania, which is fun but very draining.
Gotcha. Yeah, not for me either.
I am already close to mania. It would be like giving coffee to a squirrel.
Been manic. No thank you very much.
Been there. Entirely over it.
Now, look. I’m pretty much a substance-free girl, if you don’t count caffeine and sugar. Mainly sugar.
But I’ve been tempted to try the magic fungus, as studies have got my interest piqued. I just wouldn’t know how/where/with whom.
I firmly believe, based partly on personal experience and partly on reading, that psychedelics can be very useful, when used mindfully and not brainlessly. Some of them are starting to get some serious attention as therapeutics.
I tried coke a couple of times. I was pretty meh about it, and couldn’t possibly have afforded it at the time (back in the late ‘80s) on any regular basis. I wouldn’t touch crack if somebody left Cracky McRock on my doorstep.
I would want an experienced guide.
You could look for some local MAPS resources.
Ooooh, thank you!
Ho-lee-SHIT. Just fucking AWESOME!
Joemala Hunter is way smarter than Hunter though. More sophisticated too…
“Hunter is the smartest person I know.”
(Actual Joe Biden quote.)
Have you seen who Joe hangs out with?
“Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.”
I guess we’re gonna see some new merch in the Glib’s store.
GLORIOUS!
Hear me out: we make a line of Cracky merchandise. Cracky stuffed animals, Cracky video games, Cracky posters, Cracky cartoons, Cracky mascots at minor league hockey games, Cracky anti-drug PSAs. We’re sitting on a goldmine here.
Cracky anti-drug PSAs.
While selling directly to children . . . .
Well, Cracky is pretty down on other drugs. They take away business.
Cracky says: “Don’t be a dope.”
DARE to keep kids off Hunter’s personal stash.
I learned it from you, Cracky!
Theme song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QakO0ibH84
Squish Pillows. I would buy one that looked lie Joe Biden wearing aviators.
edit: squish pillows would hit the groomer and/or trantifa demographic.
I feel dirty.
Crack, isn’t it time you see what all the fuss is about?
Is Cracky going make his own guest appearances on the Hat and Hair?
At what point in the dialect did Cracky start actually talking vs being voiced by Hunter?
Because he got smarter at some point.
At least there’s no vocabulary building today.
The Hulk, hero, or sex offender?
https://youtu.be/9WKarNsFpm8
Cracky stuffed animals
with a secret compartment for your stash.
They’re beany babies full of little butter beans!
*Bringing the story back around to this reality.
Karine is a genital fetishist!
That cannot be tolerated in this day and age.
Muff diver
Someone with musical talent could make a parody using “Holy Diver” by Dio.
https://www.grindhousedatabase.com/index.php/Cheech_&_Chong's_Up_In_Smoke/Review
Delivery driver – I’ve got this heavy, expensive AC unit in a carboard box. Let me find the deepest puddle to soak it in so the box will break on the homeowner!
Sounds about right. I hope it wasn’t marked fragile.
The talking rock reminded me of the The In-Laws. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iApZqydQSaI
Hennifer Lopez’s first role?
The Russian dubbing was a nice touch.
The office smelled like a mushroom farm.
Eww.
Once again, this doesn’t seem like a stretch. Thanks, SF!
Well, there were likely actual mushrooms being grown.
I envision Cracky similar to Mr. Butts or Mr. Jay from Doonesbury. Just a glass stem packed with a rock and steel wool with a face and a query mark of smoke coming out of the top of the head end like a gun barrel.
I heard Cracky’s voice as Tyrone Biggums.
I don’t run in a big circle of people, but even I know two Gold Star lesbians (never had any sexual contact with a male) who try to date only Gold Star lesbians. And trans and non-binary are not acceptable. Sort of a lesbian version of Super-Straight, maybe Super-Lesbian.
I mean, the term “Lesbian” is being degraded constantly, by the TRA and AWFLs. One definition was “non-man sexually interested in non-men.” What is that bullshit?
How empowering it is for women to be defined in terms of not being a man.
“Puh-LEEZE! It’s ‘non-myn’!!”
TERFL.
Hunter didn’t issue those gold stars.
That definition actually excludes most lesbians. To qualify for that definition, you have to be sexually interested in transers, which most lesbians aren’t.
even I know two Gold Star lesbians
And i assume this is where you worked out the Hunter dialogue?
“Demon,” Karine spat.
She’s not wrong on that.
One definition was “non-man sexually interested in non-men.” What is that bullshit?
Monkey fuckers?
That was from John Hopkins, by the way.
I don’t run in a big circle of people, but even I know two Gold Star lesbians (never had any sexual contact with a male)
Librarians are hardly a representative sample.
“non-men”
You have to know what one is before you can know what one isn’t.
*snaps fingers, vanishes in a puff of sulphurous smoke*
https://www.fox29.com/news/over-half-million-rounds-of-ammo-go-missing-from-cabelas-christiana-store-officials-say
Wait, free ammo?
Why didn’t anyone tell me?!
Fuck off.
Imperial Stormtroopers stole it. No danger to anyone.
shoplifting
Over a half million rounds? Those must be some fucking pockets that is getting stuffed into.
Besides, haven’t enlightened prosecutors told us that shoplifting isn’t a serious crime? You get to change your shit-for-brains minds now?
“Cabela’s watched a half-million rounds walk out the door”
They’ve watched a lot more than that walk out the door. Of course, it had been paid for, but I’m not aware that stolen ammo is more lethal than bought-and-paid-for ammo.
Obviously stolen weapons are more deadly than legally purchased — that’s why murders are disproportionately the result of stolen guns! Don’t you even SCIENCE!?
500 cases. 10 per week (or greater). You don’t just put that in a pocket and walk out the door.
Or 200 boxes a week.
Were they running a steal one box, get another free special?
How is it even known to be stolen? This isn’t explained. The store floor and back of a Cabela’s comes close to simulating the government warehouse in Indiana Jones. That stuff could be misplaced anywhere. It could turn up under a box of soccer socks.
Cases had to be going out the back door.
I agree with that. No way they were leaving the floor. How many times would you have to defeat security tags to take it out the front?
I’ll bet you a six-pack that there’s a Cabelas employee with a storage unit, all stocked up for the zombie apocalypse…
I was one of the last people to go to the prize table, but there were still several ammo packs left (200 rounds Federal 150gr Syntech 9mm)
That’s good stuff.
The gossip at chrono was that it’s way too hot.
Oh, and I beat Max Michel on a stage!
(he placed 438 places higher than me in the final rankings, but on stage 17…)
Nobody has confirmed it wasn’t bricks of .22LR?
The little milk carton full of BBs?
Minnesota tourism dept slogan is “Explore Minnesota.” The ads always focused on the natural beauty and overall awesomeness of Minne.
Explore Minnesota today
Sick.
They’re getting what they wanted, good and hard.
I’m still not clear on the end game here.
But yeah, failure to push back in any meaningful way might as well be endorsement.
I’m still not clear on the end game here – a perfect world
But people are imperfect.
(The Left: “We will make them perfect!”)
The Last Leftie: well, the world should be perfect now that all the wrongthinkers are wormfood, but I’m lonely.
In a perfect world…
Comment says it’s fake. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Nope, it’s real.
But I’m sure that the commenter will be back shortly to say that it’s good that it is happening.
WTF? Hot woman with kettlebells transitioning into that WTF mess?
WTF?
WTF?
I’m not clicking that link; it’s just some scans from your colonoscopy.
Minnasoda: come for the abortions, stay for the female impersonators!
Rather be famous for the amazing fishing.
Zero emission, except for the bullshit
In the Wednesday event with longtime partner—and largest investor—Toyota, and a visit from California Gov. Gavin Newsom, Joby displayed the latest version of the eVTOL. It marks a first in the industry, too, to have a production prototype out the door, complete with the special airworthiness certificate to start flying it.
——-
Newsom said: “California is proud to be home to some of the world’s most innovative companies. Joby is changing the game when it comes to the next frontier of flight: zero emission aviation. Our world-leading climate action relies on the technological advances and pioneering spirit of the private sector. Creating jobs and cutting pollution—that’s the California way.”
You first, Gavin. Fly it from San Diego to Sacramento.
I may or may not have tried crack once. I will never know.
OT
Working A Shift At Chicago’s #1 Italian Beef Sandwich Shop | Help Wanted | Bon Appétit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13qLnSDRrMA
a sandwich dipped in broth is disgusting. also is there anything italian about this?
Italian Beef sandwiches are delicious, and need the jus. The sausage and giardiniera would probably both qualify as Italian, and it was Italian immigrants who popularized the sandwich.
Very good, but very messy. I’m more of a cheesy beef kind of guy (also very good, but slightly less messy)
Done correctly, they are amazing. Italian Beef, hot, wet…wait what we talking about here.
Not for the faint of heart: Judge Napolitano And Larry Johnson Discuss Prigozhin, Plus A Horrific Video Of Ukrainian Troops Trapped In A Minefield
Can’t/Won’t watch stuff like that.
My mood is black enough already.
Hang on one more day. The movie is Breaking Barbi. Your mood will improve.
Every neo-con motherfucker who wants to keep that war going should be forced to watch it, learn the names of those men and explain it to their families.
a sandwich dipped in broth is disgusting.
No French dips for Pie?
That was my thought.
never heard of those and they don’t seem particularly french
Neither are French fries.
That’s why I call them freedom dips.
*wild applause*
Cabela’s doesn’t do inventory?
Probably like most of the big box chains, they have a policy of letting shop-lifters go.
Free Bud Light for Fourth of July!
All you have to do is
redeem a rebate couponput yourself on their suckers list for life.Bonus, you’ll be on mailers for hormone treatments and all sorts of newsletters.
I still do not get the people pushing this trans agenda bs.
The state of New Jersey is suing three school districts that require parents be notified “when gender-nonconforming students wish to change their names, be called by new pronouns, or request other accommodations.”
New Jersey Attorney General Matthew Platkin filed civil rights complaints against the Middletown Township, Marlboro Township and Manalapan-Englishtown Regional districts this past week, mere hours after the districts had approved the policies.
It’s the second time in 30 days that Platkin’s office has gone to court over transgender student rights, according to NJ.com.
Platkin said in a statement that the state “will not tolerate any action by schools that threatens the health and safety” of children. He called the districts’ policies “discriminatory” and said they were a “severe risk” to trans and non-binary students.
Five years ago the New Jersey Department of Education issued regulations making gender-based decisions dependent upon students, not parents. New Jersey and federal law “require schools to ensure a safe and supportive environment for transgender students.”
Trans students should not even be a thing.
Mass hysteria in action.
Did they sweep the piles of dead “trans kids” under the carpet in the bad old days or something? Where the hell are they?
Left handz.
What teenaged kid doesn’t see this and think “well I have a get out of school free card!”
My kid presented to me a riddle. I suck at riddles.
A woman went to her mother’s funeral. There she met a man whom she fell in love with immediately. She did not find out who he was. So, she killed her sister.
Why did she kill her sister?
/deletes what I was told was the correct answer to this years ago
I failed this test the first time I heard it (there was an additional funeral in the situation presented to me). I’ll confirm back that this is what I expected in a bit to see who gets it.
Not enough data. The same points presented could equally be applied to a love triangle, or to an unintentional elektra event ending in abortion, to the woman wanting to see him again at the sister’s funeral.
He’ll probably be at her funeral too.
Hoping the man would come to the sister’s funeral?
That was my first thought.
I’m told if you get it right, you’re a psychopath.
Or a libertarian.
Same thing.
EndlessMike and ron73440 win the diagnosis.
Or you heard the “riddle” decades ago and spent too much time tearing apart the shortcomings of its construction and failure to contain sufficient information to actually make the “correct” answer correct for the facts presented and not just one of many.
That’s how it was told to me, just with the addition of the person having an aunt die, and then killing another aunt/uncle.
Is a psychopath the same as a sociopath? I LIKE people. I just don’t trust them.
the man was her father. they fucked and she got pregnant and had an abortion.
You’re a sicko, Pie.
See, I thought that Boss Tom hated Rev. Scarrit because the Rev. knocked up the Boss’s daughter who turned out to be Marina’s mom, which was why BT wouldn’t let Trey marry her.
Well, that’s a nice tidy little Chinese knot.
I believe Boss Tom’s daughters were younger than Marina at that point in time.
Out of the box thinking! Give that man a promotion!
You’re fired.
I presented that idea first.
To be fair, that would be killing her (half) sister.
Good answer!
Why did she kill her sister?
Siamese twins?
never heard of those and they don’t seem particularly french
French or not, they can be pretty tasty. The key, as always, id good rare tender roast beef, which seems to be extremely hard to find.
SCOTUS rules states have jurisdiction for activity not involving anyone in the state
WTF?
That’s an interesting line-up of justices. Go figure. I take it the PA law was created to please hungry lawyers in the Commonwealth.
“I’m a rug-muncher,” and “I want a woman, smooth and hairless. ” How do these two reconcile? Then again, these are probably things that most of us here agree about with lesbians.
Linoleum licker just doesn’t fall off the lips the same way.
I prefer ‘polishing the bare wood floors’.
‘Linoleum Licker’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it…
I swear that we came up with that independently. It was too bad to copy.
XX no-longer-a-tax-deduction forklift driver thinks she might like to join up with you deplorables, so if a 20yo non-man drops by to dump her brain, don’t scare her off.
If not dissuaded by the information already available, do you really think our response to a new Tulpa would be sufficient to scare her?
If SugarFree doesn’t scare her …
She really wants a place to brain dump where people might understand her.
And you suggested this place? What kind of mother are you?
A deplorable one.
Mmmm, no, but she’s a n00b libertarian and she’s just now thinking up stuff we’ve chawed and spit out ad nauseam.
She likes to have these long philosophical conversations over text and I’m tempted to make an article of today’s discussion.
What’s her tolerance for bad jokes, puns, and sarcasm?
Her sarcometer is finely tuned and quite active.
As long as she can argue in good faith, doesn’t take things personally, and can roll with the general style of humor here, she will very likely be welcomed.
Yes, although Steve Smith is going to be hard to explain. And by hard mean…
If you don’t teach her about STEVE SMITH, she’ll learn about STEVE SMITH on the streets! And by learn mean…
And by the streets mean…
Turgid?
She’s sound like a nice, normal person.
I doubt she’ll fit in with us, but what does SEA SMITH say?
“Come on in, water’s fine!”
I am still looking for that marriage visa opportunity 🙂
*snort*
“Hey baby, wanna live forever?”
You can’t fool us. There are no XX libertarians.
Libertarianism is recessive.
20yo non-man drops by to dump her brain, don’t scare her off.
Hello, have we met.
I don’t think Deadhead’s friend came back after the first weekend zoom.
You’ve told her to expect a round of “Fuck off, Tulpa” posts, yes?
The Discord could also be good
Well fuck, I’m flying to NY tomorrow.
https://zerohedge.com/weather/round-2-toxic-wildfire-smoke-canada-set-blanket-northeast-cities
In neighbor news, the safe was cracked by a locksmith today.
The “friends” robbed an old widow blind.
I missed where there was a safecracker coming.
It’s been a while in the making, but yes.
They took all of the gold and silver (approx $600k) and left a copy of the will with themselves named in it.
It was a nice touch.
They know that they only get the stuff in the will after she’s dead, right?
JFC
Is the old widow cognizant enough to know what happened? Last I recall, she was pissy at you in favor of her friends and not in her right mind at that time.
She threw them out a few months ago and reached out to us through a lawyer. She’s in a bind now because it’s going to be difficult to prove anything, but the presence of the will and the date on it established that they were the last people to have access to it,
It’s a mess to say the least.
As long as she doesn’t blame you for leaving her to it and not being more insistent.
There’s a legal trail of her making that very difficult for us.
I record every conversation now as a precaution.
lynch mob
Since she’s alive, that will doesn’t give them any rights to what they took. Seems like a really stupid thing for them to do, altering the will and leaving it in the safe. Provides evidence of motive and opportunity. Any chance she’ll go after them for theft?
Was it altered or did they simply take it ahead of time?
If I’d been burned like our Nerfherder I’d have a zero interaction policy.
I’m guessing that they had her sign a new one while she was incapacitated. The shit I’ve heard about going on in the hospital rooms of people on death’s door . . . .
And then decided they couldn’t wait, and stole her stuff. And for some reason left the will in the safe.
A variation of this. She was not completely in her right mind, but it did go through a lawyer and apparently passed her sniff test.
So lawyer magically has 200K in gold to invest next week? Seriously whole situation is just fucked.
Same lawyer sent a revocation of power of attorney to the “friends” last week. I and my wife were not involved.
Technically not necessary in Virginia, but I think the lawyer is getting nervous that she got wrapped up in something she would have rather avoided.
Same, but Scruffy’s a better man than I, Gunga Din.
I’ve been proceeding carefully so as to leave no room for misinterpretation of events. We’ll be pulling a social worker who had taken our side when this went awry back into it shortly. Everything is either videotaped or recorded for posterity.
Ouch
Speaking of movies- I watched this last night
A not bad amusement, featuring Claudia Cardinale as something a bit more than set decoration. I thought so, anyway.
Tuco playing Napoleon – hell, I might have to watch it just for that!
Ha, I listened to those via Librivox. Not horrible. The title character is pretty full of himself, but not entirely without reason.
She really wants a place to brain dump where people might understand her.
Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys!
They took all of the gold and silver (approx $600k)
For “safekeeping” no doubt.
Here’s a nice ray of sunshine.
“Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” Hunter asked, his voice quivering with awe.
Karine closed one eye and bent to inspect the giant rock of crack cocaine
Not what I expected.
“But I’m your friend,” Cracky the Rock said. “Don’t you want to be mine?”
The Hat and the Hair have competition.
I note that Blackberry kept the rocklet Hunter gave her.
What competition? The Hat would smoke Cracky the Rock in a New York minute and that would be the end of that.
The debris brought ashore on Wednesday appeared to include both end caps, including the sub’s porthole with its window missing, as well as landing legs and the end equipment bay, BBC News science correspondent Jonathan Amos said.
Well after all the speculation about the carbon fiber construction it would be rather interesting if it turned out to be the porthole which had a manufacturer specified depth limit of something like 25% of what the sub was diving.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-66045554
Interview went…well. No technical questions but I expected that. I just hate when interviewers do not review their questions. Q1 Name a time you dealt with conflict and the outcome. Q2 Name a time where the group or group of peers had conflict and did you do anything to help resolve it.
Same damn question people. Still, I had separate answers for both even if made up.
“Shall we continue? Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.”
Q1: Guy threw a cheap elbow and I retaliated. 2 minutes
Q2: Guy hit goalie and a couple guys started going at it. I jumped in to help resolve the conflict. 5 and game misconduct.
How did I do?
Heh, if I new the interviewers I would have gone a glib route like that.
Cisgays, you’re out. You might as well be straight white men now.
https://tnc.news/2023/06/27/cbc-lgbtq-acronym-2stnbgc/
Instead of QUILBAGS+ its 2CNTBGS
If they leave out the P they’re lying.
Uh oh, the T’s aren’t going to like that.
Latching onto the L’s and G’s was how they got attention and “respectability” in the first place.
They’re in there, right after 2Spirit and right before non-binary so all is right with the world.
Tuco playing Napoleon – hell, I might have to watch it just for that!
You won’t be disappoint.