Monday Afternoon Emergency Links

by | Jun 5, 2023 | Daily Links | 160 comments

OK, I’ll admit to feeling a bit guilty for missing a few Sunday Links just so I can have my dirty, dirty ways with NPR Ladies, so when Brett threw up and passed out, I leaped to my feet, hurdled over his prostrate form, and sat myself at the keyboard so as not to disappoint our Teeming Masses.

Of course the bonus to me sitting in is birthdays, which today today include the prototypical cop shooting a kid; an example of when they did send us their best; the Krugnuts of his day; the guy who invented the hologram; the most delightful human to ever put on a football uniform; an exemplar of the banality of evil; a guy responsible for wasting even more readers’ time than Tom Clancy; an absolutely frightening lesbian; yet more banality of, well not evil, really, just banality; and a terrifically enthusiastic comic actor.

 

I don’t often find myself directly in the middle of news stories, but this is an exception. My Saturday links included this local story, and trust me, I’m both amused at the scrambling by Administration and saddened that Yi Quan (a super nice and super smart guy) is being dragged through the pre-ceramic mud over this. I was just chatting briefly with him a few minutes ago and he is totally shaken. He has gone far, far out of his way to make sure that he’s not involved with any DoD work, and of course we do nothing classified here, so this is doubly infuriating. With all the craziness going on, I wonder how long this will still be up.

 

Fuck you, Tony, mind your own goddam business.

 

This time, we REALLY have him!

 

GASP! Tell me it ain’t so!!!!

 

More entertaining than the movie.

 

Buh-bye!

 

Oh jeez, the Old Man is back to his Americana crapola. But I like all these guys and have enjoyed seeing them play local venues, so fuck you, enjoy this.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

160 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    Oh no!

    • kinnath

      The Oxford Cheese Company has been slammed for featuring an image of the giant on its ‘Cerne Abbas Man vintage cheddar’ – minus the figure’s oversized phallus.

      The manufacturer has been accused of censoring the giant’s manhood to avoid causing offence among the ‘woke.’

      Vic Irvine, head brewer at Cerne Abbas Brewery was left “apoplectic” after discovering the famous landmark had been castrated – and believes the giant has been ‘watered down’ to spare the blushes of the easily-offended.

      “He has been emasculated,” Mr Irvine said. “I think (the cheese manufacturers) are terrible rotters for taking our giant and taking his penis off him.

      • UnCivilServant

        Why choose such an emblem if you’re going to edit out what makes it emblematic?

      • SDF-7

        I don’t know.. marketing yourself as a dick cheese company in the first place is a little odd. Unless you’re just a big Richard Cheese fan, I suppose.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    The fiscal year 2022 appropriations bill allocated $4 million to Alfred to develop this ceramic material.

    As we all know, there is no conceivable nonmilitary use for such a material.

    • Lackadaisical

      All that’s required is there to be a military use. I don’t know the details of this case though, so I’m assuming it doesn’t have a particular military application?

      • Old Man With Candy

        High temp ceramics are particularly used for leading edges of hypersonic planes and missiles.

        That said, NONE of the work here is classified, and only some of it is restricted to US citizen researchers (Professor Wu is a US citizen, but also keeps this stuff at arms’ length just to avoid ANY questions).

      • Sensei

        They don’t do so well when stuck by ice…

    • Timeloose

      Someone has to make new bricks, toilets and coffee mugs.

  3. Fatty Bolger

    It was nice of the Gannet walkouts to volunteer themselves for the next round of layoffs. I’m sure their co-workers will appreciate it.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    All this may add up to an unfair impression that an isolated American university in New York’s remote southern tier has become dangerously entangled with one of America’s strategic enemies.

    Blah blah blah neocon paranoiac huffing and puffing.

  5. Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

    I had to listen to Suze Orman for three hours once at a conference she was keynote speaker at.

    The pain, it did burn.

    • The Other Kevin

      Did you get a free tote bag and her latest book?

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        No. It was a booksellers conference, the organizers picked the wrong speaker, and many of us found ways to sneak out before the whole thing was over.

        It was about 25 years ago now, so she was the current thing.

  6. The Other Kevin

    “The truth about ‘local’ food in US supermarkets: ‘It’s a marketing gimmick’”

    Thankfully we can still rely on the Organic label as a source of truth.

    • Nephilium

      I seem to recall some study done years ago that found in the UK it was cheaper to get lamb that had been raised in New Zealand than it was to buy locally raised lamb.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Organic is a sham, but it’s a useful sham. There are some organic products we buy because the quality can be good for the cost. I think it’s because they can sell at name brand prices, but without all the advertising, which gives them bigger margins so they can filter for higher quality.

    • Grosspatzer

      In the global village, everything is local. So I can get locally grown pineapple for my pizza here in NJ! The modern world is amazing.

    • Tundra

      It’s actually pretty easy to find local farmers. Not always cheap, of course.

      • SDF-7

        Also assumes the FDA or whatever other Fed org won’t come after them for not properly “processing” things like the raw milk insanity.

      • Tundra

        True. I used to buy a quarter cow from a dude near me. Still had the filthy paws of the feds.

        Massie has been trying to pass the PRIME Act for like 100 years. It’s almost like the fuckwits don’t want decentralized food production.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I actually managed to find a grey-market slaughterhouse near me. The butcher come get your steer, put it down, hang the carcass, expertly butcher, and vacuum seal. Professional setup with two cold rooms.

        Completely underground cash operation with zero gov oversight. It took awhile to find and I’m amazed to find one of that size. We’re still going to take steers to a FDA-approved slaughter house so that the meat can be more easily sold retail, but we may use the guy if we do a bulk chicken run or get into hogs.

      • Tundra

        That’s a Ray of Sunshine.

        Imma start looking.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Travis Corcoran’s Escape the City book has a ton of good info on this including the machines he bought for processing his own chickens from scratch, etc. Another good reason to recommend it.

  7. Fatty Bolger

    https://twitter.com/RNCResearch/status/1665797158828900354

    Karine Jean-Pierre says busing illegal immigrants from the border to other cities is “dangerous and unacceptable because you’re actually putting a lot of pressure on these states and local areas.”

    🤦‍♂️

    • Drake

      Where should they be bussed?

      • The Other Kevin

        As I typed my response below, I realized she’s right, they are MUCH safer in Texas than in Chicago.

      • Tundra

        50+ shot over the weekend in CHI. And you weren’t even there!

      • Grosspatzer

        On the cheek?

    • The Other Kevin

      Just leave them in the red states and local areas. Much more humane.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Walking so far to get a bus ride the rest of the way seems pretty humane.

    • rhywun

      Never mind that Biden was (is?) flying them all over the country.

    • R.J.

      I’d throw my shoe at her, but what good would it do?

      • SDF-7

        If it landed on her head she could become an alt-right pipeline according to 23 year old crazies on Twitter, apparently…

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      They should use trains.

    • CPRM

      The constitution only says they can’t force you quarter soldiers, so being forced to quarter ‘migrants’ is totes ok. Penumbras and such.

    • Ownbestenemy

      And with words like this “We need to be clear, this is not sustainable with the inflow that we’re receiving,”, I fully expect a call for eminent domain or some ‘public emergency’ powers of seizure.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      It will be just like that scene in Dr. Zhivago. It will be so romantic.

    • rhywun

      He sells sanctuary.

    • Grosspatzer

      Start with Gracie Mansion, Eric. I hear there are some unused, furnished bedrooms there.

  8. Shpip

    Hundreds of Gannett Journalists Walk Out

    Lemme guess… women, minorities hardest hit.

    Half of ’em will be replaced by A.I. before the decade is out anyway.

  9. juris imprudent

    Some retred retard from the John Birch Society?

    That leaves Alfred University one step removed from the center of power in Communist China and from its drive for hegemony.

    • Grosspatzer

      Some retred retard from the John Birch Society?

      Sounds like my HS soccer coach and debate teacher.

  10. Ownbestenemy

    Whole Foods, HarvesTime, Union Market and Central Market did not respond to requests for comment.

    Gee, I wonder why. However, as much as this marketing is a gimmick, it works. Fat-free, sugar-free (the bad kind), gluten-free, ‘local’, meat marked that it is a product of the US (butchered maybe), cage-free, all of it..works exceptionally well against the masses.

    • Count Potato

      I like how they put superfluous labels on things. Who could have guessed orange juice is gluten free?

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I used to laugh at the gluten free labels too, but apparently wheat flower is used in a lot of things during production. Probably not OJ though.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Brain drain

    The Russian economy isn’t just suffering from a record labor shortage, it’s also losing some of its best and brightest workers.

    Alexandra Prokopenko, a former adviser at Russia’s central bank, told NPR last week that many educated and skilled workers have fled the country.

    As a result, Russian firms are scaling back or shutting down, she said, citing a recent estimate that 1.3 million young workers left the labor force last year alone.

    “I don’t think Russian authorities will admit it, but we’ve seen a massive brain drain,” Prokopenko told NPR.

    Sounds like a patriotism shortage.

    • Drake

      I’ve heard Russian technical schools are really good. Is the brain drain happening because Russia sucks, or because western technical schools suck and are busy lecturing about genders?

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. It’s impossible to know who’s telling the truth. But it also seems like Ukraine has had a pretty massive brain drain too. My company uses contractors from Ukraine, and most of them got out to Poland before the shooting started.

      • Count Potato

        “It’s impossible to know who’s telling the truth. ”

        I assume neither side is.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Safe bet.

  12. Ted S.

    In other (((news))), the (((under-20 soccer team))) reached the semifinals after stunning Brazil.

    The article briefly mentions that the tournament had to be moved to Argentina because original host Indonesia refused entry to Israel, a massive no-no in the sporting world.

    • rhywun

      Saw the US team in one of the early rounds. Was not impressed.

    • rhywun

      With a name like that at least we know what the platform is.

      • UnCivilServant

        Let me guess is it… COMMUNISM?

  13. Count Potato

    “Europe’s top climate activists are planning a ‘large-scale civil disobedience campaign’ of highway blockages, hunger strikes and disruption at ‘federal properties’ in the US in August, DailyMail.com can reveal.

    Leaders from Extinction Rebellion (XR) and other European groups known for their large-scale disturbances are rapidly expanding their US-based franchise, Declare Emergency, to create mayhem on this side of the Atlantic.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12160801/Europes-leading-eco-zealots-planning-summer-chaos-climate-protests-US.html

    IANAL, but that doesn’t sound legal.

    • Drake

      I’m all in favor of their hunger strikes. If they block a highway, I hope they get run over.

    • SDF-7

      Someone’s aching to get shot, it sounds like.

    • The Other Kevin

      That sounds like domestic terrorism. I’m sure the FBI will be all over it.

    • creech

      Sounds like “insurrection,” even if they turn out “mostly peaceful” like J6.

    • Grosspatzer

      highway blockages

      Call in the Mounties.

      • Count Potato

        That was totally different!

    • Sensei

      It’s useless! While we’re watching, there’s nowhere you can run!
      As the group planning to take over the state, we won’t let you ever escape
      Your entire behavior pattern, we know it all!

      While you were living a carefree life, our group grew with supporters!
      All the people in your life, like your neighbors and your coworkers
      Even your girlfriend, your family too, everyone is watching your every move

      We’re the Secret Police, the ones controlling the government, the nation’s peace-keeping department!
      The Secret Police, slipping into the shadows, supervising spy activities

      From day to night, we’re observing (watching) you!…

      [ENG SUB] Miku Himitsu Keisatsu Secret Police [Original]

    • The Other Kevin

      I don’t understand why that document even exists. They could have easily burned it and scattered the ashes.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        The same reason Augustus and the other Emperors never disbanded the Senate. You need to keep up appearances.

      • Sensei

        The form itself is bullshit too. It’s all hearsay.

        Agent Sensei met with CI – TOK. Stated extremist group G.L.I.B intends violent overthrow of the US Government.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Group for the liberation of intellectual boors?

  14. grrizzly

    The organizers of Tour de France are retards.

    Face masks to return at Tour de France to limit COVID-19 cases in the peloton | Cyclingnews

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Yep. Retarded.

  15. Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

    Music to go with this afternoons choise:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9y_vbFabcxQ
    Brown Bird. Sadly, he died not too long after this.

    • MikeS

      That’s some kickass, Jazz-free, Americana!

    • MikeS

      Did the bass player kill him? She kinda looks like she wanted to.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Acute adult onset leukemia. He collapsed on stage, was rushed to a hospital, and died a few weeks later during a bone marrow transfusion.

      • MikeS

        Goddam. Fuck cancer.

        I need to seek out more of his stuff.

  16. EvilSheldon

    “Intellectual”.

    Again, no.

  17. Count Potato

    “This woman indoctrinated me as a minor into being an “anti sjw.”

    https://twitter.com/pillow4rt/status/1663810769731895297

    “🌸🍡 22 | she/they | lgbt 🏳️‍🌈💞 BLM | ptsd, bpd, mdd, gad, audhd, mental health advocate. ✨🐰”

    • SDF-7

      Advocating for what she lacks, it looks to me… And I don’t know what “bpd, mdd, gad” all mean other than “pay attention to MEEEEE!”

      • Mojeaux

        Bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder.

        I will vouch for the fact that one can have all these and not need to display pronouns nor need to pimp for any given movement, particularly marxist ones.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        AUtistic Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?? 🤷‍♀️ What’s the ICD code for that?

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, I missed that. Thought it was a typo.

    • rhywun

      I see multiple personality disorder in the pronouns… I wonder which mental illnesses are represented by the alphabet soup towards the end there.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Dumb as a rock

  18. CPRM

    I bought a car today. Decided to go with the Nissan Altima. Pray for me. They’re installing an after market remote start tomorrow, I take possession Wednesday.

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought they made microwave Ramen in a cup.

      Wait, that’s Nissin.

      • Tundra

        Oh, very nice!

        Enjoy, CPRM. My SIL has one that has a bagillion miles on it and all is well. It’s made the trip between FL and MN many, many times.

    • MikeS

      That car looks gay. I mean, it looks great on you…

      How was your birthday party? Will there be a 41st birthday party that I can get alcohol poisoning at?

  19. Count Potato

    “Hundreds of White women gathered at the Colorado Capitol to use their “privilege” in a silent sit-in to demand Gov. Jared Polis ban guns and create a gun buyback program”

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/1665806973693050880

    RACIST!!!!!

    • SDF-7

      Anyone near there who showed up and passed out pocket copies of the Constitution with the Second bookmarked would win major props.

      Executive Order to ban guns… :eyeroll:

      I like one of the responses I read on Twitchy (iirc) — “Group of Karens demand to see Colorado’s Manager.”

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep, gotta be a state ballot initiative to remove from their Constitution. EOs have no authority.

        Article II, Section 13. Right to Bear Arms of the Colorado Constitution.

        Which, Colorado has a relatively easy way for citizen invoked change to occur

        …any petition for a citizen-initiated constitutional amendment be signed by at least 2 percent of the registered electors in each of the 35 state Senate districts. The percentage of votes to pass any proposed constitutional amendment would be increased from a majority to at least 55 percent of the votes cast, unless the proposed amendment only repeals any provision of the constitution.

        So rather than sitting around like whiney white bitches, submit your proposed constitutional amendment.

    • one true athena

      Saira Rao is the grift that keeps on grifting

  20. The Late P Brooks

    I’m all in favor of their hunger strikes. If they block a highway, I hope they get run over.

    By a “street racer” or whatever they call themselves. Some big black burnout tracks are just what those extinction rebellion clowns need.

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      CLIMATE PROTESTER KILLED BY TOKYO DRIFTER.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        The Flat and the Furious.

  21. Tundra

    Old Man!

    What a nice surprise!

    He has gone far, far out of his way to make sure that he’s not involved with any DoD work, and of course we do nothing classified here, so this is doubly infuriating.

    Back in the day I was involved with a start up that licensed some semiconductor tech from the U of MN. One of the profs involved ended up with his tit in a wringer over some shady shit (not our project). The with hunt was really a sight to behold. They really, really wanted us to be part of the mess.

    Anyway, good luck to your pal and I hope this all goes away fast.

    Oh jeez, the Old Man is back to his Americana crapola.

    Confession: I dig Americana way more than jazz. So thanks for the tune!

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      psst; jazz is americana

      • Tundra

        Not really.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Humor me.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Also, see folk/Americana music link I put up above.

      • MikeS

        psst; the hell it is

      • Tundra

        Im glad you’re back.

        No homo.

      • MikeS

        🥰

  22. Count Potato

    “Think twice before ordering that chicken sandwich… T-Rexes wouldn’t approve of you eating their descendants”

    https://twitter.com/peta/status/1664323464705245185

    I’m starting to think PETA is a psyop from Big Meat.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      “ I’m starting to think PETA is a psyop from Big Meat”

      PETA North?

      • The Gunslinger

        Ha! That comment is money!

      • Grosspatzer

        *Insert rim shot*

      • SDF-7

        I would have thought that was more HM’s thing, but okay.

    • SDF-7

      Look, if the T-Rex is just too chicken to show up and complain….

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Decided to go with the Nissan Altima.

    No CVT, I hope.

    • Sensei

      Don’t rain on his parade.

      Just gently suggest confirming it’s service or get it serviced ASAP.

    • Timeloose

      My MIL’s Altima failed the green M&M rider test. She was showing me the car after picking it up from the dealer. I quickly pointed out that the Nissan logo was upside down on the trunk lid. Other wise it was a pretty good car.

  24. Grosspatzer

    I guess I haven’t been paying attention, I did not know this was a thing…

  25. Rat on a train

    And this is why I’ll wait for it to stream on Disney Plus. This behaviour is just straight uncalled for[,] especially in front of children.
    Stop fighting and start stripping!

    • SDF-7

      I think you’ve been watching that old beer ad a little too much, Rat.. 😉

      • Rat on a train

        great taste

      • MikeS

        and…TWINS!!!!

  26. Grosspatzer

    https://nypost.com/2023/06/05/snack-thief-opens-fire-into-nyc-7-eleven-video/

    A man opened fire into a lower Manhattan 7-Eleven store when employees confronted him for stealing snacks over the weekend, according to cops and new video.

    The suspect snatched up bags of chips, candy and other munchies from the convenience store on Church Street near Park Place and attempted to leave with the loot just before 5 a.m. Sunday, police said.

    Two blocks from City Hall. Ain’t no sanctuary in the Big Apple.

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      Snack food is not worth a human life!

      /thats how it works, right?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        That phrase should be directed to the armed robber.

    • Tundra

      The Slope, ’tis slippery.

      • Count Potato

        So then what’s after trans kids? Raping puppies?

      • MikeS

        Fucking kids.

      • Tundra

        Yep.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        What do you have against man-puppy love? Bigot.

      • Gender Traitor

        Paul Anka and Donny Osmond hardest hit.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Shoah.

    • Tres Cool

      She really takes the wrinkles out of my love-sausage.

      • Count Potato

        But she’s so skinny.

    • Tundra

      That’s perfect!

      Thanks, Zwak!

    • MikeS

      Is that the young gal from Parks and Rec?

      Got wood?

      Well, since you asked…

      • rhywun

        Is that the young gal from Parks and Rec?

        Yes.

  27. MikeS

    Secretary of State Antony Blinken pledged continued US commitment to both Israel’s security and a two-state solution to the Israel-Palestinian conflict on Monday, but warned the expansion of Jewish settlements would be an obstacle to peace.

    No comment from Secretary Blinken on how the Palestinian refusal to agree to a two-state solution affects the two-state solution.

    • rhywun

      How many decades have we been chasing that? I don’t think it’s happening, guys.

  28. Spudalicious

    “Teeming masses”?!?

    Did you just compare us to metastasized cancer?

    • MikeS

      Nothing “crapola” about “Americana” OMWC. Moar pleez.

      • MikeS

        Thread fail

    • MikeS

      “Teeming Masses” is a damn sight better than “Steaming Asses”. Amirite?

      • Q Continuum

        Best cancer. Classiest cancer you’ve ever seen.

    • R.J.

      THAT’S NOT A TOOMA!

      —Ahnold

      • MikeS

        That same movie declared that “boys have penises and girls have vaginas”, but we now know that to be untrue so I don’t know what to believe anymore.

  29. Tres Cool

    WRT Old Guy music- I have that same mantle clock on my, well….mantle.
    Its a Waterbury from around c. 1920

    • Sean

      2xwides have mantles?

      • Tundra

        The classy ones, of course.

      • The Hyperbole

        Sure, If you call a stack of cinder blocks with a pallet wood shelf a mantle.

      • Tundra

        Snob.

      • MikeS

        Who wouldn’t?

      • The Hyperbole

        Just because hillbillies can’t spell “couth” doesn’t mean they shouldn’t aspire to have some.

      • Count Potato

        Yeah, well I’m going to start a band called Couth of Today. We’re going to do lots of drugs and play complicated music very slowly.

  30. R.J.

    I want to see that brawl in from on Little Mermaid SOOO BAAAD….
    But I am working off a hot spot on my phone and cannot get the video to load. Bad signal here.