About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

130 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    First in…
    So First in herre…
    So First in…
    I was like, good gracious First bodacious
    Firsttatcious, tryin to show faces

    Its gettin First in here
    So take off all your clothes

  2. R.J.

    Awesome episode. USA hat dies for a cause. I bet it will reflect real life soon.

  3. rhywun

    Oh no poor USA Hat 😿

    • R.J.

      RIP dear innocent hat.

      • Ted S.

        Innocent?

    • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

      I can’t watch. Too traumatic.

  4. Tundra

    I wish I could explain these to normies.

    10/10

    • Sean

      Right?

  5. Brochettaward

    Rest in power, USA Hat.

  6. Fourscore

    Thanks, CPRM

    Tragedies like these always go in 3s. Now there’ll be a couple more, hopefully not as sad as losing a USA! USA! cap

    • R.J.

      We lost the original hair in a crossover SugarFree episode. One more to go….

      • dbleagle

        Is there any higher form of love than a hat laying down their life for OMB?

    • rhywun

      USA! USA!

      LOL when I am noting soccer schedules that is exactly how I mark appearances by the US men’s team.

      Who are playing in five minutes—set your DVR’s.

      We will crush Saint Kitts and Nevis!! (Don’t laugh – we are the masters of falling to random Caribbean islands that half the population has never heard of.)

      • cyto

        My brother said he drove around the entire island in 25 minutes. You can’t lose to a midsized town if you are one of the largest countries on earth.

      • rhywun

        Yeah but a country where soccer is an afterthought.

        Remember, the US were knocked out of the 2018 World Cup by Trinidad and Tobago.

        If the energy poured into football, baseball, and basketball instead went into soccer, the US would be unstoppable.

    • Brochettaward

      That’s not really the sort of thing you buy looking to turn some massive profit…so of course some soulless corporation like Disney buys it and guts it. But it is less useful for pushing a narrative so probably a very small supply of billionaire sugar daddy’s to buy it and keep it alive. This aint the Washington Post here where you can use it as a cudgel to go after your political enemies. Maybe you can work in some stories about climate change, but that’s about it.

      I’m also kind of disgusted by the corporate need to constantly grow…grow…and grow. Increase in value for those shareholders because they’re all that matters. I know, almost commie talk, but the shit gets old. A number of industries are at the point where their only idea of innovation is cutting payroll however and wherever they can regardless of what it does to the long term viability of their service.

      • R.J.

        It’s not commie talk. I’d say that good things, run by people of passion are wonderful. After a good run a soulless group like Disney buys it and ruins it. Big groups lack the drive and passion of a good business owner. A business isn’t sequels and stockholders. It’s creativity and dedication.

      • pistoffnick

        I’m also kind of disgusted by the corporate need to constantly grow…grow…and grow.

        “Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.”

        ― Edward Abbey, The Journey Home: Some Words in Defense of the American West

      • MojeauXX

        Disney has plenty of room and money for growth if they’d just go back to being entertaining and caring about the quality of their craft.

      • rhywun

        The problem is that all corporations are terrified of the left now, and yes even to the point where it’s killing their profits.

        None of them are willing to nut up and tell the left to pound sand.

      • cyto

        Of Disney has not gotten rid of Kathleen Kennedy by now… then your analysis is the only possible one.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m not sure it’s really fear. Disney in particular is filled with activist employees. It was employees who forced Chapik to do his hostage video response to DeSantis’s bill, and some of those same employees played a part in getting him fired….allegedly.

        The one thing that isn’t up for debate is that they don’t answer to their consumers anymore.

      • Chafed

        Coinbase and Basecamp would like a word.

      • blighted_non_millenial

        I do think it is libertarian and reasonable to have a discussion/change in how we deal with corporations.

      • Chafed

        I’m counting on that growth to fund my retirement, commie. If my money doesn’t have a chance to grow, then why am I putting it at risk.

      • Brochettaward

        If you are counting on growth from a company that bought National Geographic and tried to seriously monetize it, I feel sorry for you.

        Nah, there are a ton of corporations that make really shitty short term decisions for a temporary and fleeting stock bump at the expense of their long term interests.

      • Chafed

        You are conflating the tactic with the goal. The goal is to grow so more money is made. The tactic is buying NatGeo. The company’s crummy tactic. Doesn’t change the goal. If, on the other hand, Disney said it didn’t care about making money,that would change the goal.

      • Brochettaward

        No. I’m talking about companies making short term decisions to bump stocks and executive bonuses. Not every decision that bumps profits in the short term is good for long term growth or profits. Crazy concept. There are perverse incentives in the private sector, too.

      • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

        NatGeo was a trophy purchase meant to lend credibility to the parent organization, particularly from the educated left which revered the glossy chronicler of cute animals, crushing poverty, and floppy tits.

        It was bought so executives at Disney could talk about it at cocktail pedo parties and sound enlightened.

    • rhywun

      Had a subscription in the late 80s, mostly for the maps.

      Among those who lost their jobs in the latest layoff was Debra Adams Simmons, who only last September was promoted to vice president of diversity, equity and inclusion at National Geographic Media,

      Oh noes. You know an entity is dead when they no longer value diversity, equity and inclusion.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Someone tried to give me a subscription two decades ago and it never arrived. 🤷‍♀️

      • rhywun

        I own one of their table-sized atlases, too.

        I’m not sure how to process this development. The same information is more accessible than ever, but is it packaged in a way that an audience can follow and/or trust (assuming they were “trustable”…)? I don’t know.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I have one of those my grandma gave me. Also, great for the maps too!

      • Don escaped Texas

        * laughs *

      • blighted_non_millenial

        Yes, I also read Playboy for the articles.

      • rhywun

        There it is 🙂

      • blighted_non_millenial

        Did I mention Q is my favorite Glib?

    • rhywun

      I had no idea Disney was running that ship into the ground. Sad!

      • Shpip

        It makes sense that Disney would acquire NatGeo, from one perspective. Disney has been doing nature / adventure films since at least the 1950s. Why not branch into print, and bring some readers into the fold? And they could use some of the exotic, stunning film footage that National Geographic has done on their own over the decades as backdrops to new stories… assuming that Disney had any new stories besides fairy tales that are now in the public domain or rides attractions turned into film.

        But nooooo… instead of just printing “here’s a small tribe of people who live on the other side of the world, with face paint and strange jewelry,” we get “here’s a small tribe threatened by white supremacy and climate change” ad infinitum.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, I can only imagine how tediously woke they’ve become.

  7. rhywun

    JFC my mostly peaceful neighbors have been launching fireworks in the middle of the intersection I live at all night.

    It used to be from rooftops but now they apparently have no fucks to give.

    • Chafed

      You never bought a rifle, did you?

  8. cyto

    Quick question…

    What would your reaction be if you found someone who looks exactly like you? Like, they could be your twin?

    What about if it was your spouse?

    Would it freak you out? Would you want to keep it secret? Would you be worried that your spouse was keeping a terrible secret?

    • cyto

      Would you flee in terror at the suggestion that you might be twins?

      • cyto

        Yes, I am halfway through “Enemy” with Jake Gyllenhaal.

        Having a tough time getting into the flick, because I absolutely cannot understand why the characters are reacting like they do. I suppose it will come around and be explained, but I don’t see how you can have a twist if nothing anyone does makes sense.

      • rhywun

        Never heard of it but sounds interesting.

      • cyto

        I think I know where the twist is going, and if I am right, the movie cheats. They explicitly show you that the twist isn’t true.

        But the twist seems pretty clear with 20 minutes to go, even though they haven’t revealed it yet. Is from 2013… that is toward the tail end of the twist era of films.

      • rhywun

        +1 they’re afraid of water

      • cyto

        Ok, the twist didn’t go exactly where I expected. But that is because …. well.. I didn’t love it.

        But it had actual nudity and sexual content .. which is pretty much gone these days. So there is that.

      • cyto

        I suppose the entire thing is supposed to be only allegory? I dunno. Given 2 choices, he chose one, then the other?

        Meh…. artsy fartsy for the sake of artsy fartsy is pretentiousness…. I give it an angry C. Some really good, and some really bad. Actually, a rare combo.

      • Gender Traitor

        If you want some real fun, hunt down the BBC series Orphan Black. A wild ride, and an acting tour de force by Tatiana Maslany as the title character.

      • Gender Traitor

        (Correction: title characters)

      • cyto

        I love Tatiana Maslany because of that series. She was fantastic… even as the writing left them behind toward the end.

        Which explains why She Hulk pisses me off so much… one of my favorite actors, adult format superhero series based on another favorite, Ally McBeal…. should be great!

        Ugh…. the shit they gove her to say in that series.

      • rhywun

        I watched some of S01 and liked it but never followed up for whatever reason.

      • Raven Nation

        Really enjoyed that series

      • Not Adahn

        ^This.

        It was woke AF but so good I could deal with it.

    • Gender Traitor

      Your spouse looks exactly like you? I think I would have noticed that before we got married.

      • cyto

        Writing is not my first language…..

      • rhywun

        Yeah, opposites attract even in dudedom.

        I don’t date guys who look anything like me.

      • Not Adahn

        Wasn’t there some iconic gay movie with the line “dress like what you want to go home with?”

    • Don escaped Texas

      What would your reaction be

      I’d say a prayer for the poor bastard

      One year I was working in Graham TX, a 100 mile commute from Fort Worth and a town of only two proper restaurants. I spent the year taking lunch at Restaurant B because there was an exact copy of my first wife working tables at A. Well, she was blonde instead of a redhead, but it was still freaky. They were doubtless related: FirstWife’s clan had numbered amongst the original gringos in that country and I found their name on a road and such, so a fourth cousin or so is not really a good fit in the pure stranger doppelganger sort of way, but the reaction was intense. Oddly, I wasn’t remotely attracted to her although in theory I really should have been.

      • rhywun

        found their name on a road

        Weirdly, my name is on a road near my upstate NY hometown – and it’s uncommon enough that I’ve never seen this name used on a road anywhere else in the US – yet my dad is from Idaho and AFAIK had no connection to NY as my mom only met him after moving from NY to Nevada.

      • Don escaped Texas

        for Dad’s clan there’s a town in north TX and a road in Columbus MS

        3,700 of us in the US, so everyone is a relative or descended from a slave we held

      • rhywun

        *tap tap tap*

        Supposedly 2,578 of us. Hard to believe unless they’re all in Idaho and that’s why I’ve never come across one (I left Idaho when I was 3 years old).

      • rhywun

        Oh and it’s an English name so not some crazy Slavic tongue-twister or anything.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        There are roads, hotels and even a theater for live music with my name on them in the Bay Area.
        https://photos.cinematreasures.org/production/photos/245125/1528226594/large.gif?1528226594

        Also, there are small towns with the name in England and British Colombia, along with a brewery in Idaho.

        The name is, surprisingly, as rare as Don’s, and yes, everyone is family, or a former slave. And that includes an almost queen of England.

      • rhywun

        My name is the second word of a modestly successful 90s “garage punk” band. From the state of Washington i.e. next door to Idaho hmm….

      • Chafed

        Mr. Soundgarden is that you?

      • Tres Cool

        since Im in the Bay Area, Id go look for it, but as it happens Ill be working this weekend

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Any relation to the Warfield who used to sail El Toros in the Bay Area about 40 years ago? I think he made my sail.

      • Not Adahn

        I discovered a town up here with my great-grandmother’s maiden name (a name I had never even seen IRL).

      • rhywun

        lol

  9. blighted_non_millenial

    Bobby Kennedy Jr, livestream synopsis – good on war, good on censorship, good on gutting the fda, essentially bad on pretty much everything else.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, I’m sorry – he’s running as a Dem. He would get none of that stuff accomplished and a Dem Congress would walk all over him with their crazy radical shit.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        I am curios how much play he is going to get. The D powers that be Do Not want him to have any sort of debate with Biden, for obvious reasons. But I don’t think he is going to go away, and could be quite the thorne in their side. Too many are starting to look at Biden and kinda think “oh, shit.” At least, those not in on the con.

    • Chafed

      Good on censorship? Have you seen what he has said in the recent past?

  10. Gustave Lytton

    Sounds like you put reorder (“fast busy”) in there at the end instead of howler.

  11. Spudalicious

    Very nice.

  12. Shpip

    Sitting on the Hump Day Zoom feeling like lil Kim. Ronery, so very ronery.

  13. Brochettaward

    I’m torn between wanting to see Jennifer Lawrence fail, and wanting to see an American comedy with sex back in it succeed.

    She did do full frontal nudity so you know she’s desperate for work now. But she hasn’t been humbled.

    • Chafed

      So are you going to masturbate to it or not?

      • kinnath

        I saw the fully nude fight scene that leaked online. It was quite boring actually. I have very low expectations for the movie.

  14. Raven Nation

    Perfect game!

  15. Plinker762

    Stupid Lowes. To stop theft they put all the wire in a cage but they don’t have anyone around to open the cage. Looks like a trip to Platt tomorrow.

    • Not Adahn

      Go down to the aisle with the bolt cutters.

  16. Shpip

    It’s a twitterer, so take it with a pound and a couple handfuls of salt, but daaaammmmnnnnn

    I mean, I’m aware that the government wastes more money than this every couple of hours, but… can this be actually true? I’m not connected enough with west coast banking or VC to say if this is tinfoil-hattery or not.

    Will repost on the AM lynx if I wake up in time, so folks more knowledgeable than me can chime in.

    • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

      I believe it. SVB was operating as a shadow bank and the Fed wanted it shut down and the structure destroyed. The cost of doing so was bailing everyone out. Picking and choosing depositors would have been impossible.

      Yeah, it’s disgusting. But it’s worth considering the Fed is in total financial war with the ECB and Davos in an attempt to save US retail banking. There will be casualties and costs. The alternative is to let people like Soros get control of our financial system and then we’re well and truly fucked.

    • Sean

      Morning.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t want to go to work today.

      • Sean

        I’m not your supervisor.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U, Sean, Nerfy (NNM), and Stinky!

      Little Black Cat is finally cone-free today! 😁🐱‍👤

      • UnCivilServant

        *scritch behind the ears*

      • Gender Traitor

        Scritch conveyed.

        I’m not even going to put his collar back on him, at least for a while. (He needs a new one anyway.)

    • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

      Needs more cyanide

    • UnCivilServant

      Where you will be subject to their hate speech regulations, environmental regulations, and every damn EU whim.

      • Not Adahn

        If we make up the local constabulary, that won’t be a problem. Anyone coming to visit from the national government can be dealt with by welcoming them with a wee nip at the pub which just happens to have found a truly excellent bottle of whiskey in the back room.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Our own Wicker Man.

    • Grosspatzer

      In unrelated news, NYC Mayor Eric Adams has signed a bill allocating $200MM to purchase rafts to be given to migrants who arrive in the city. “Ireland not only welcomes you but will pay you to move there. We are a Sanctuary City; this fulfills our mission to minister to migrants without overwhelming our infrastructure”, Adams said.

    • Rat on a train

      Craggy Island?

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! Nice song! Wasn’t familiar with it. (Was expecting this.)

      • UnCivilServant

        It takes on a different implication when played in Gotham.

      • Grosspatzer

        Also nice, and good morning to you. Completed phase 1 of major project yesterday. (((They))) are sorting out a few minor issues but it looks like I failed to completely hose the process. I shall celebrate with a visit to the torture chamber dentist thus afternoon.

    • Grosspatzer

      What about hookers and blow?

      • Rat on a train

        People already don’t pay sales tax on those.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        And that is how Al Capone got nailed.

    • Gender Traitor

      But those could count as both back-to-school AND hurricane-preparedness products! 🙁

  17. Fourscore

    Mornin’ all,

    A little froggy today after a a great rain yesterday, maybe broke out of the drought (err, climate change) mode. In any case it was welcome, though the skeeters showed us as well.

    • Fourscore

      Resent to Glib wannabees