Classical music in the 23c

by | Jul 18, 2023 | Fiction | 69 comments

“Tonight is the night we have worked twenty years for, our orchestra is playing the Callisto amphitheater. By far the largest venue in the system at 250k souls. We will also be simulcasting throughout the system so please join us.”

many years earlier,

I come from mining money as did many of my associates, we attended the same schools with the same goal. Get good grades, keep mater and pater happy and enjoy that sweet trust fund. Our group had great interest in Classical instruments, it was then that one of us had found some archival schematics for an ancient musical device called a Theremin and being intrigued we reverse engineered one.

We were stunned that such a primitive machine could make music, odd that it was.

Others in our group sought out more of this type of machine, and we found other groups interested in this strange yet fascinating type of music and so the Society for the preservation of Ancient Instruments was created.

some time later,

Our group had grown quite large by this time and we scoured the system looking for guitars,synthesizers, brass horns, old skin type drums, any price would be paid, sometimes we needed security to come away with a purchase, but in the end it was worth it.

The entire time we diligently learned how to play, using old footage and some old music with strange notation, but simple enough to decipher. As time went along the several groups formed what were called bands in the era and performed mostly small shows, never quite what the people wanted, but some did notice.

two years ago,

We gathered the groups together and made the proposal, we were going to put on the greatest classical concert that the solar system has ever seen! and we are going to do it on Callisto!

That’s when everyone began to laugh, “Callisto?, really?” “YFHTBKM”

we had to start somewhere, so why not the big time? and so we began.

With over 2k members we had to select what they called “talented” players, this was thought to be a born gift, not all possess it, and many were dismayed at being disqualified. Many had spent two decades learning, only to be passed over for a more talented person of lesser means, maybe talent is genetic.

Set lists and rehearsals, line up changes, we had an entire Telecaster section, 2 percussionists, one in the style of Ray Cooper, two complete Metal combos and the Beatles as you have never seen them (because you haven’t). Overall we have 187 pieces and a four hour set list with one intermission, we won’t need it, the audience will.

After patronizing the Callisto Amphitheatre for many years it was time to pull some strings as it were. the director gave us the space but we provide the lights, of course we were happy to oblige, having enlisted the services of Sol Shows, the best in the business, the light show would be seen from Earth, with delay of course.

And so we set out on Steve’s Starship, his luxury yacht with all the room for the band and some friends on our way to the great gig in the sky.

 

 

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

69 Comments

  1. MikeS

    🤘🏻🎸🤘🏻

    • Brochettaward

      Always a seconder, never a First.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Says the second,

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    Wait for part 2

  3. kinnath

    To TPTB: I posted a new article today. Quick and dirty. Just like we like them.

  4. R.J.

    I had a theremin. Built it from a kit by Moog. Every time I played the notes were flat. I gave it to a musician friend who still has it and plays great.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Evidently I can’t play the theremin. Was very embarrassing* at this place: https://www.museumofmakingmusic.org/

      *doubtful, but I was.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        embarrassèd

  5. Yusef drives a Kia

    I built a Theremin from Bob Moogs schematic, modified from Clara Rockwells
    original instrument, very cool.

    • hayeksplosives

      They have one at the Bakker Museum in Minnesota!

      Bakken is the invertor of the battery powered pacemaker and the founder of Medtronic. Very good guy. He made the battery powered pacemaker (and eventually a completely internal one) in response to a weather related power outage that cut off the power to a hospital and led to the deaths of many children and adults.

      Anyway, the Theramin at the Bakken encourages visitors to use it!

  6. Brochettaward

    WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Why are you yelling?
      Why are you interested?
      Tall Cans……..

    • pistoffnick

      WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

      Well, for starters, I really don’t like pompous assholes.

      I don’t like preeners.

      I don’t like bullies.

      I don’t like fakers (like someone who claims to be a Firster, but rarely is).

      • Brochettaward

        I hate MikeS, too. What’s your point?

    • Aloysious

      It’s a long story. I’ll have to start in the beginning.

      In the beginning, the Earth was void. Suddenly, a light shone in the darkness…

  7. hayeksplosives

    Good story, Yusef!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks

    • slumbrew

      Someone posted the original story yesterday (?).

      There was great admiration for her technique.

      • Mojeaux

        Drugs, ass, hang head in shame.

    • hayeksplosives

      Put them in the airlock and press the Purge button.

  8. hayeksplosives

    I adopted a cat today.

    I had already been screened and was ready to go to the Cat Cafe and interact with the kitties.

    I told staff that I wanted one who was hard to home and needed a second chance.

    She’s a 10 year old, hard to home because she doesn’t like other cats, dogs, kids, noise. My apartment will be perfect for her. She sits in the adoption office because she wants to avoid all the kittens in the common area.

    I told them to show me a difficult-to-home kitty. They asked “How difficult?” They were thrilled when I picked her. They had 6 adorable kittens and a few cute 2-3 yr olds, but I’m gonna give this girl a 2nd chance.

    After I talked to her a while and then played with the other kitties, I went back in and said I wanted the grumpus cat.

    I’ll write up a full report after I get her and let her adjust!! I pick her up tomorrow.

    • Gender Traitor

      😻

    • Festus

      I admire you even more than I already did. Nice work!

  9. Brochettaward

    Disney is rumored to be looking to sell everything to Apple. He is at a minimum looking to sell off other assets like their TV networks. Basically, they have to sell the few things that are actually making money to prop up the shit that is bleeding them dry.

    A Disney-free world isn’t inconceivable.

  10. Ownbestenemy

    So a lot sooner than I thought. KY by late September. Flight booked to do some scouting and such. Now to break to teens who so desperately want to be independent but afraid of the leap.

    • Mojeaux

      So you’re just going to ask them if they want to stay in Vegas?

      Also, congrats!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thanks! I was flexible. My boss wanted me to stay til December and soon to need boss wanted me July 1st.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Ah kids. Didn’t read that right. Yeah we will offer up house to rent we think. But no discounts lol

  11. Ownbestenemy

    Great story Yusef

  12. Festus

    The Babylon Bee is to satire what The National Lampoon was 45 years ago. Who else would print fake Joe referring to Michelle Obama as “That hulking big black dude that used to live here…” My how times have changed. We spent all of our young lives poking fun at the Reaganites and Charley Churches and now it’s gone full circle. They just don’t know how to make or take a joke.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Festus! They have certainly found that sweet spot. Willing to roast their own, roast their favorites and roast their enemies.

      • Festus

        With no foul language. Seth Dillon and his staff are genuinely funny people. When I was a youngster Christian comedy was lamer than anything. That was before Christian Rock was a thing. Hank Hill said it best.

      • Festus

        I don’t mean to tear anyone down but Christian Rock is akin to playing golf without the holes.

      • rhywun

        Classic.

      • Festus

        Yes. Yes it was.

  13. Festus

    Bob, you and I are already friends but I think that I would love to partake on some of those mushrooms! Cosmic…

    • Sean

      😃👍

  14. Tundra

    TIL about a Theremin.

    Thanks, Yusef, The vast knowledge of this group of crazy assholes always inspires me!

    Looking forward to part 2

      • Gender Traitor

        Because driving in your sleep is generally frowned upon?

      • UnCivilServant

        Only if I crash into something.

        Since I’m in the office it seems I have not.

      • Gender Traitor

        Well, you might be in the office because you crashed into it.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean and U!

      Boss is WFH today, but I’ll have the entire Board meeting recorded and ready for me to write up the minutes…including my boss’s report, with is invariably the longest of all. 😒

      • Gender Traitor

        *which
        ::slurps coffee::

      • robodruid

        tap tap tap
        caffeine IV ready

      • Gender Traitor

        Thank goodness! No more of that heavy lifting!

        Good morning, ‘bodru!

      • robodruid

        A quiet hot day i think.

    • Gender Traitor

      History is written Arrests are made by the winners.

  15. Fourscore

    Morning Sean, GT, UCS, Robo and Stinky,

    Up a little earlier today, taking my daughter to the local shuttle to catch a plane in Mpls.

    I love my kids but happy that her visit is over. A little rain today and we can really use it. Coffee is good…

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, 4(20)! Safe travels to you and to your daughter!

  16. Fourscore

    Someone gave me a sack of Black Rifle coffee. A little different flavor than the Folger’s I drink, after it’s gone I’ll go back to my regular brew.

  17. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    While I was cavorting around NYC yesterday, Mrs. Patzer sent me a text asking me what to do about this:

    https://imgur.com/gallery/DNGaHpx

    I walked her through barricading the basement door with towels. Fortunately, that was as far as the water got.

    My co-workers reacted to this with CLIMATE CHANGE!!!11!1. Because we’ve never had 2 inches if rain in an hour before. Never mind that the creek that runs behind my property hasn’t been cleaned out since we moved in 21 years ago because it is the responsibility of, and this is NOT a joke, the NJ mosquito control commission, which does not have the staff or funding to do anything. My attempt at explaining this was met with eyerolls.

    • UnCivilServant

      Let me guess, if you did something to clear the creek, you’d get hit with fines for “environmental damages”

      • Grosspatzer

        Dong Ding Ding! Also, there’s a good bit of creek downstream which needs fixin’

      • Grosspatzer

        This was according to local authorities. Apparently this is some sort of designated protected area which no one will take responsibility for. I’ve taken this up with the local yokels and the water company and am dizzy from running around in circles. I hate everyone involved.

      • Sean

        Protect the mosquitos!

        Politicians have a soft spot for fellow blood suckers.

    • Gender Traitor

      Pool party at ‘patzie’s! 🏊🏼‍♀️🏊🏼‍♂️

      • Grosspatzer

        *narrows gaze*

        Mornin ‘, GT!