IFLA: The “Take and Bake” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of July 16

by | Jul 16, 2023 | IFLA | 67 comments

So… the rig saga continues. The holster works on the belt, but the Chinese knockoff mag pouches will not fit since the Guga Ribas belt is thicker than most. I’m pretty sure these are kind of exact knockoffs of Black Scorpion, which makes me afraid that the real deal ones won’t fit either. Which is a shame since those aren’t stupidly expensive (I’d guess that Guga Ribas ones would fit on a Guga Ribas belt, but their prices indicate that at least three levels of Brazilian bureaucrats must be taking bribes for these to get out of the country. Since I’ll have to be experimenting to find what works, I’m thinking that these which I saw at nats might be cool. The other option might be to get longer screws, though trying to brute force attach my current mag pouches might lead to rapid spontaneous irreversible disassembly.

Another premade horoscope, let’s see if they live up to their eerie precision.

This week shows either a whirlwind romance or catastrophic breakup (or both!) happening.  The first sign is Venus – the Moon – Saturn retrograde.  Saturn retrograde is the wild card here — typically it means bad things (especially endings) and while retrograde motion can/often does mean really bad things, it can also mean “reverse the polarities on the tachyon inverter meaning of the sign” so we could see the beginning of a romantic relationship.  What makes this a particularly interesting relationship is that it has direct consequences for the domestic life as that moon/Venus pairing aligns with the Earth on the 21st.  So it could mean any of the following:

-Incident on Sunday, final breakup on Friday

-New relationship on Sunday, breakup of current one on Friday

-New relationship on Sunday, marriage proposed/they move in on Friday.

-(Lesbians only) First date on Sunday, second date on Friday.

There are further indications of ripple effects on Sunday, but that’s for next week.

So, Cancer:  Good news!  You get something other than the Sun!  Ban news!  It’s a waning crescent!  Good news, it’ll start waxing again in the next couple of days!  Leo:  the week starts off good, but let’s hope that the Venus/Moon dance earlier isn’t about you in particular because on Saturday Venus goes station retrograde indicating a sharp dropoff in romantic success.  Even in the fourth scenario listed, that’s a bit early for LBD to set in.

Cancer: Strength – This is the best card. Some people claim it’s supposed to be The Sun, but really it’s Strength. The specifics don’t even matter, it’s that good.

Leo: 9 of Wands reversed – Determined opposition in your way.

Virgo: 5 of Swords – You will cause others to get rekt. This is not necessarily a good or bad thing.

Libra: 6 of Swords – Classic “journey by water,” but also leaving under non-ideal circumstances.

Scorpio: 3 of Wands reversed – The end of troubles, or the successful completion of an onerous task.

Sagittarius: Ace of Swords – Go big or go home.

Capricorn: The Empress*

Aquarius: 3 of Swords – Grief, suffering, agony, gang violence.

Pisces: 4 of Coins – Holding on to what you have, flexing, display.

Aries: 6 of Coins – Making a choice, particularly regarding an award, gift, or distribution of resources.

Taurus: 2 of Swords – Balance, scores settled, harsh justice, unforgiving.

Gemini: 2 of Coins – Celebration (particularly parties that go on for a long time,) getting caught up in drama.

*[Editor’s Note: NA gave us a card draw but no interpretation for Capricorn. I was unable to reach him before deadline, so I don’t know whether this was intentional. -T]

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

67 Comments

  1. slumbrew

    *[Editor’s Note: NA gave us a card draw but no interpretation for Capricorn. I was unable to reach him before deadline, so I don’t know whether this was intentional. -T]

    “You don’t wanna know. Trust me.”

  2. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: 3 of Wands reversed – The end of troubles, or the successful completion of an onerous task.

    Either one works for me.

  3. juris imprudent

    Making a choice, particularly regarding an award, gift, or distribution of resources.

    You’re saying I’ve got a winning lottery ticket?!

  4. Rebel Scum

    Aquarius: 3 of Swords – Grief, suffering, agony, gang violence.

    I’m not in a gang.

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: Ace of Swords – Go big or go home.

    Now we’re talking.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    I’m not in a gang.

    This ain’t no bridge club.

  7. Mojeaux

    Balance, scores settled, harsh justice, unforgiving.

    Ooooooh, that’s right up my temperamental alley!

  8. Ownbestenemy

    Sagittarius: Ace of Swords – Go big or go home.

    Well hopefully I get the call next week that Kentucky hired me. My boss said they were pretty excited and loved my background.

    • Gender Traitor

      🤞🏼

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Ooooooh, that’s right up my temperamental alley!

    Grudges were held?

    • slumbrew

      Irish Alzheimer’s – you forget everything but the grudges.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I was thinking just that. 😉

  10. Rebel Scum

    Off to the gulag, bigot.

    According to the survey by Redfield & Wilton Strategies, 44 percent of those aged 25-34 think “referring to someone by the wrong gender pronoun (he/him, she/her) should be a criminal offense,” versus just 31 percent who disagree. The remainder “neither agree nor disagree” or “don’t know.”

    This view remains popular for those aged 35-44, among whom 38 percent think misgendering should be illegal, whilst 35 percent disagree and 26 percent either don’t know or didn’t express an opinion.

    I guess freedom of speech is not taught anymore.

    • Gustave Lytton

      How many respondents agreed there should be a death penalty for poll takers?

    • juris imprudent

      All I have to say to those millennials is shut up and pay for my SocSec.

      • UnCivilServant

        We don’t owe you anything. You should have saved better.

      • Don escaped Texas

        @InternetHippo The culture is crying out for a podcast hosted by two millennials giving their unique perspective on today’s events

      • Ted S.

        It’s Gen X that’s going to get screwed, since we don’t have the votes.

      • Sean

        Meh.

      • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

        *yawn*

        *resumes slacking*

    • UnCivilServant

      People do not get to pick their pronouns, those are a structure of the language.

      Fuck off with that special snowflake shit, it’s not welcome.

    • Ownbestenemy

      This view remains popular for those aged 35-44

      My guess reactionary parents who have allowed their kids to dictate this bullshit

    • Don escaped Texas

      it’s not taught at Oxford, of course, because there’s no such animal in Magna Carta

  11. Don escaped Texas

    new column for the spreadsheet as we are asked

    @AKBrews: does pineapple belong in spaghetti?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Stoner recipe.

      “Costed”?

      • Don escaped Texas

        do you know? costing is a normal business discipline, but I’ve never seen it applied to the mere totaling of expenses in a non-business sitation

        but I’ll also say I don’t mind except that the implication implies a wider analysis: where’s depreciation on one’s spatula, overheads for administration and space and utilities, taxes

        what we can say is this would definitely fall under the “batch costing” rubric

      • UnCivilServant

        I suspect that the time and effort required to calculate depreciation on general household items isn’t worth it. That information rarely comes into play until either a yard sale or estate valuation, in which case a spot valuation will do.

      • Don escaped Texas

        res ipsa loquitur: one hopes that the frivolity in depreciating a spatula doesn’t need to be explained

      • UnCivilServant

        Tomato is a botanical fruit but a culinary vegetable. It’s not the only one – for example, squashes, cucumbers

      • dbleagle

        Not according to the Nazgul. The Supremes unanimously ruled in 1896 (Nix v Hedden) that for tariff/imports/customs the tomato was a vegetable.

        Take that, botanists!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Reagan era DoE vindicated!

    • Don escaped Texas

      wow: new account to follow if for no other reason than their excellent merch

      • MikeS

        My favorite:

        Me and my homies woulda been stacking bodies by now

        -George Washington

      • Don escaped Texas

        “2 + 2 = 5 you bigot”

        I’m crying OMG

    • Ted S.

      It’s dadaist.

    • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

      You will have a pretend horse and you will be happy.

    • Don escaped Texas

      NewWife imagines the contest being called by Eric Idle

      • Ownbestenemy

        +2 coconut halves

    • cyto

      I don’t get it. Is this some in-joke?

      I mean, it is hilarious. But is it intended to be hilarious?

  12. MikeS

    Pisces: 4 of Coins – Holding on to what you have, flexing, display

    +1 You got your tickets for the gun show?

  13. Toxteth O'Grady

    @Evan/sville, if you’re out there:

    I don’t know what this program entails, but it doesn’t sound as if it will help. There’s still time to back out.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      (And no, I’m not a doctor or psychiatrist. But you seem to be starting off with mistrust. I can’t tell from here if it’s warranted or not.)

  14. Gustave Lytton

    From ded thred

    Reclassifying intelligence fuckup of the Korean War in October 2001. That is just the chefs kiss of bureaucratic ass covering.

    No one observed Birkin got bagged by the grim reaper? For shame.

    • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

      Emperor Nerfherder would make it legal to run them over.

      Upside, we might lose one or two activists and then it would stop.

      Downside, it would only be one or two.

    • slumbrew

      That one chick wasn’t having it. Nice use of the hair.

      • Gender Traitor

        Should’ve pulled the first guy by the short hairs.

      • MikeS

        The second time was funny. “Here, hold my glasses please. I gotta drag this bitch off the road again.”

    • Rebel Scum

      I like how the blonde chick has no qualms about dragging a girl by her hair.

    • Rebel Scum

      The closing of Becky Pringle’s latest speech to the NEA was a Hitlerian performance. This is not a casual comparison.

      Needs more podium pounding.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Dammit.

    link

  16. Don escaped Texas

    I’m considering watching USWNT once Rapinoe retires

    Would Rapinoe embrace a transgender woman on the U.S. women’s soccer team, even if that woman took the place of someone assigned female at birth? “Absolutely,” she says. “‘You’re taking a “real” woman’s place,’ that’s the part of the argument that’s still extremely transphobic. I see trans women as real women. What you’re saying automatically in the argument—you’re sort of telling on yourself already—is you don’t believe these people are women. Therefore, they’re taking the other spot. I don’t feel that way.”

    • UnCivilServant

      Those men are not women. Are you allergic to the truth?

      • hayeksplosives

        Courting controversy seems lo be something of a hobby for her.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’d love to see the association go “Your constant lying has violated the ethics clause in your contract”

        I doubt they will.

      • cyto

        This is one of the most surreal moments in history.

        That “trans women are women” slogan began as a sort of supportive bumper sticker, to ward of the use of language like “real woman”. Nobody meant it in the context of “trans women are actually indistinguishable from people assigned female at birth” (to use the new language).

        And yet slogan-chanters are so easily manipulated, the sheep began adopting it as a truth. And like all cognitive dissonance, it is more painful to relinquish an irrational belief than it is to dispute contrary evidence.

        And so… That 6’5″,245 lb man in a skirt is a woman, no different than Simone Biles.

        And we get elite feminist athletes like Rapinoe pretending that there is no biological advantage to being born a dude when it comes to playing soccer. We even get these idiots proclaiming that trans women should be allowed to fight in professional MMA bouts….. Which is utterly insane. That is an arena where ideology literally could get someone killed.

        But they believe it all.. passionately. They think you are evil if you don’t want to shower with a 24 year old dude with long hair and lipstick who wants to live as a woman. Heck, they are even starting to say that you are evil if you don’t want to have sex with a trans woman.

        It is next level crazy.

        I have spent most of my life explaining that as a libertarian, I am farther to the left than the left, and farther to the right than the right. I have supported gay and trans rights since the 70s. But damned if they haven’t proven me wrong on this one. They have gone so far left that I don’t think we have a proper word for it. It is reality-defying.