Monday Afternoon Links

by | Aug 21, 2023 | Daily Links | 214 comments

Holy cow, is it late August already? Good news, apparently, the baby didn’t like the hit to his inheritance and has started sleeping until 6am like a decent human being and not a tiny, cute, soul-destroying monster. I, myself, have nearly returned to feeling fully human and being able to have conversations on topics deeper than “what’s for dinner”. I know I’m jinxing it here, but if I don’t brag as much as I complain on him, I’m not doing it right.

I agree with Alabama writers contra UT fanboys, there’s no way on Earth Nick Saban lets the Longhorns hang around this year. And yes, I’m preparing for this and the FSU-LSU already. Gotta get my liver college football ready!

Letting babies watch cartoons or play games on tablets and phones may make them slower to talk and develop social skills, but may keep their parents from killing them long enough to do so. Okay, I added that second clause. I also question whether any clause other than, “babies don’t interact with people who don’t interact with them daily much anymore” has any noticeable effect on learning to talk or socialize.

UCF has figured out how to turn your farts into hydrogen. Now we just need to figure out how to transport large quantities of hydrogen without terrible explosion risks… you know, besides bonding it to oxygen or carbon.

“Suppose I wanted to kill a lot of pilots — what would be the easy way to do it?” *Not actually a disgruntled airline passenger’s manifesto.

 

And here’s a music link for you.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

214 Comments

  1. Common Tater

    I think in some places they made it illegal for kids to walk to school.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      In my area I’ve been seeing more and more kids walking to and from school and just hanging out in general. Maybe the helicopter parenting and sitting in front of the computer all day has become old hat.

    • MikeS

      Yeah. A recall few years back in some New England state (IIRC) a couple was getting arrested and having their kids taken away because they let them walk to the park and do other things children should be able to do.

    • Pope Jimbo

      That is the exact opposite of what it should be. Suburban moms who drive their kid 5 blocks to school are the ones who should be locked up.

      • Tundra

        Moms in my old neighborhood drove their kids to the bus stop in bad weather.

        Lame.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Our boys would ride bikes or walk the 5 blocks or so to the elementary school with the two neighbor boys. It would take them 15 minutes to go to school and 1.5 hours to walk home.

        The delta was in them screwing around at various ponds, fields and playgrounds on the way home. In bad weather, they’d hoof it home but for the most part (even in winter) they took their time.

      • The Hyperbole

        The rural parents who sit in their idling cars at the end of their long driveway with their kids waiting for the bus are the worst. Take your kids to school your own damn self, no one forced you to live out in farmland, why the hell should the rest of us pay to bus your brat to school and line up behind the school buses that stops every three houses on a state route that should be 55 MPH.

      • MikeS

        Are you pro or con on compulsory schooling?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Just like a NoDak to try to stick up for hick farm kids.

        Those dummies should just be happy with picking corn and not inconvenience Hyperbole on his way from his country manor into town.

      • The Hyperbole

        Hick farm kids drive their tractors to school, I got no problem with that, I’m not talking about farm kids, these are people who live out in the farmland because they want to, they don’t even own a tractor, they are not farming. They made the choice to live out there but want the rest of us to accommodate them instead of owning their decision to live 10 miles out of town and handling it themselves. If some asshole wanted to live on top of a mountain should the rest of us be on the hook for daily helicopter rides to school for his brood?

      • MikeS

        But the bus route was already there before those people who you’ve decided have no right to live there moved in.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Well what are you doing out there in the country?

        Shouldn’t you be walking to work? Why should we care that you are inconvenienced. After all you made the decision to live way out in the country. Even further out than the hayseed kids.

      • The Hyperbole

        They have every right to live there, where did I say they didn’t? I said they should own their decision to do so and not expect the rest of us to be inconvenienced just to make their lives a little easier. Should we ship groceries out to them so they don’t have to drive all the way into town to feed themselves?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Wait! Are you telling me that we actually let them drive on the road into town to get groceries? Why would we let them do that? They live on a farm, why would they need additional food?

        Probably drive the speed limit while heading to the market too. Ingrates. Holding up traffic.

      • MikeS

        Eating isn’t compulsory. Yet.

        If the government is going to force kids to go to school, they should provide the means for them to get there. And that’s not two wrongs making a right, that’s an expectation for the government to do the wrong completely right.

        Especially when they keep making larger districts with less school buildings in them. In the last 70 years, in my home county we’ve gone from a school house in practically every township (and you had to get there on your own! Hype-approved!) to my hometown’s school district now being bigger than the county it’s mostly in. You damn right they should have to bus the kids.

      • The Hyperbole

        Really? I’m the only Real libertarian™ on this site, of course I want the state to force you to send your kids to school. **eye roll emoji**

        And to preemptively address the “They caused the problem so they should solve it” argument, much like the immigration/welfare debate two wrongs don’t make a right, If welfare is wrong abolish it, if compulsory schooling is wrong abolish it, don’t create further problem by trying to make the first wrong less wrong by implementing another wrong. See also creating more protected classes instead of eliminating the entire concept of protective classes.

      • MikeS

        From all my rural friends, “fuck off”. If they’re going force kids to go to school, and then consolidate schools so they are now many, many miles from where rural people live, they can come get the fucking kids.

        Everyone who has kids must either bring them to school or they must move closer to the school, is maybe the stupidest hot take you’ve had. And that’s quite an accomplishment.

      • Pope Jimbo

        You know it is a bad take when the Minnesodans and the NoDaks have joined forces on the other side of the issue.

      • MikeS

        Cats and dogs lying together!

      • Rat on a train

        15 minute cities. I walk slowly so everything must be within a half mile.

      • MikeS

        Also, if you don’t want to follow the school bus in the morning, get your lazy ass outta bed earlier. Or are they in your way when you’re trying to get to the bar after working a grueling 6 hours?

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Well, the obvious answer is to charge every kid, based on the distance they need to be driven to school. If we are going to have compulsary ED, then we need to put limits on it. Distance driven, sports played, teacher slept with, all of that needs to go into billing. Of course, opting out should always be an option.

        Outside of that, it’s just special pleading.

      • Pope Jimbo

        What if your son gets corn-holed by the phy-ed teacher. I’m assuming that gets you some store credit. But then what happens later when your son comes out as gay? Do you have to repay the credit? After all, shouldn’t you know have to pay the same premium as you would have if your son had gotten to sleep with the hot woman teaching English?

        And why do you think we should have compulsory ED when there are pills that can remedy that condition so easily?

        I’m just completely confused by your plan and would like to unsubscribe from your newsletter!

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Spoken like a true Minysoda’n.

      • Not Adahn

        Supposedly here in NYS, it’s a requirement that parents accompany their kids to the bus stop.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        That would be half my neighborhood.

      • Pope Jimbo

        That would be 90% of my neighborhood.

  2. Common Tater

    “I, myself, have nearly returned to feeling fully human and being able to have conversations on topics deeper than “what’s for dinner”

    So you got some better shit? Cool.

  3. Common Tater

    “Believing he was on to something, he got a little excited and sent Joseph Stalin a letter in 1948 criticizing the lack of innovation within the Soviet system. This earned him a political prisoner title and a 25-year sentence in the Gulag Archipelago.”

    I see.

    • Suthenboy

      Coming soon to a country you are in.

      • creech

        Registering as something other than a Democrat will be evidence enough. Scarlett letter R will be worn at all times.

  4. B.P.

    “Letting babies watch cartoons or play games on tablets and phones may make them slower to talk and develop social skills…”

    So does hanging surgical masks on their faces, and everyone around them, for a couple of years.

  5. Shpip

    The epic clash between Texas and Alabama is 19 days away. There’s confidence in the Texas Longhorns from those who cover the team.

    Hack homer sportswriters are hacks and homers. Details at eleven.

    I mean, if anyone can go into Denny Field at night and emerge victorious, it’s the guys from the defense-optional conference, right?

  6. Timeloose

    I use TRIZ and often use the same problem solving methods outlined. I use Anticipatory Failure Determination (AFD) and FMEA to diagnose hard to determine root causes. Unfortunately, customers don’t always want to recognize that the most likely cause is something they are doing to your product.

    • grrizzly

      They tried to teach us TRIZ in high school. But I never figured it out. Granted I had to skip many classes.

      • Not Adahn

        But you still remember how to disassemble, clean and reassemble an AK, right?

        (I have former Soviet friends at the dog park that tell me stories).

  7. DEG

    Believing he was on to something, he got a little excited and sent Joseph Stalin a letter in 1948 criticizing the lack of innovation within the Soviet system. This earned him a political prisoner title and a 25-year sentence in the Gulag Archipelago.

    No good deed goes unpunished.

    • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

      “If only comrad Stalin knew…”

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Then we would have had real communism?

  8. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    Happy to hear the little guy is giving you a break.

    “Suppose I wanted to kill a lot of pilots — what would be the easy way to do it?”

    That was quite good, thanks! I loved this line:

    Fortunately, Stalin died.

  9. Shpip

    Human-driven climate change is already beginning to cause a notable spike in atmospheric methane thanks to the expansion of tropical wetlands, from which it’s released due to decomposition, and also the thawing of polar permafrost, which traps huge amounts of methane.

    It’s a massive and growing problem, and the idea of a solar-driven methane capture technology that could potentially be deployed around large methane emissions sites while generating multiple income streams is certainly an exciting one if this photocatalyst proves viable at commercial scale.

    Two stolen bases in two sentences. Impressive!

  10. Aloysious

    Oh.

    ‘UCF’

    I read that as UCS, and was momentarily confused.

    • SDF-7

      I’m just wondering if “liver college football” is a thing… if Florida makes their footballs out of livers, if it is a slur against LSU, if Brett just throws around a cow liver and calls it a football… or what exactly.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Me too.

      It would be wonderful if the tech pans out and all of a sudden cattle herds are teh bestest ever. Would be wonderful to watch the left split between the Climate nuts and the Vegans.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      I went dyslexic myself and read it as UFC.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Oh good, there was someone else!

      • creech

        I read “photocatalyst” as “proctologist.”. But then the article was full of shit.

  11. Pope Jimbo

    You know Brett, when you showed me the better dive bars during a visit to Tampa a few years ago, I felt like I was getting my money’s worth. Now? I think you were holding out.

    Jill Horstmann had squirrels in her bra. And they wouldn’t stay still.

    One squirmed and wriggled so much that she had to pull it out. Its bushy brown tail peeked through her fingers as she cradled it. The squirrel was restless, hungry, thirsty — and probably confused. But only one of those could be addressed while sitting in a booth at local kava bar Mad Hatters.

    Horstmann dunked a straw in a shot glass full of water, plugged one end and guided it to the squirrel’s mouth.

    At first, it seemed surprised, maybe even scared. Then it relaxed in her grip and wrapped a tiny hand around the straw to catch more droplets. For the first time that afternoon, it stopped moving.

    I’m going to be charitable and assume you didn’t bring me to the squirrel-in-a-bra show because you were worried about my nuts.

    • Nephilium

      A shop I used to frequent had a domesticated (to a point) squirrel as a pet for the shop. Little guy would sit on your shoulder, beg for snacks, and stare at anybody (or the open door) who left the shop door open until the door was closed. He disappeared in the lead up to moving to a new location, the general consensus is that someone took him.

    • Tonio

      Squirrels in a bra? Ha, that’s nothing.

      Friends, let me introduce you to the manly art of Ferret-Legging.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Uffda. Read your own article dude!

        If you find your woman is still doubtful about your new hobby, consider inviting her along. While ferret-legging is traditionally a male-only sport, there is a female version. Ferret-busting — in which ladies drop ferrets into their blouses — is a perfect way to get your girl involved. A perfect date night for the both of you, and the ferrets.

      • Tonio

        Mea culpa.

        I’ve been distracted of late.

        Also, ferrets, even the surgically deodorized ones, stink.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Mea culpa runneth over?

        I never can figure out what you high falutin’ words mean. If only they hadn’t cut bus service out on the prairie when I was a kid.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        The wife and I had 3 ferrets, long since gone. No ferret-legging or ferret-busting though. I don’t recall them smelling bad. They have a musky smell but not really any stronger than a dog. Just different.

        They were fearless little buggers. Would circle around my doberman doing their little ‘ferret war dances’ and pounce on her from different directions. She was a good sport and played along. I remember her looking me at once with a ferret who had its jaws clamped around her lower lip while dangling a foot off the ground. Could have easily killed the ferret with a swipe but just flung it off and kept on playing.

      • Pope Jimbo

        The kids who grew up on mink farms were always a ripe lot in my high school.

    • SDF-7

      Now we know what happened to Squirrel Girl after Marvel Comics took it in the shorts.

    • DrOtto

      Squirrel lady was at a Kava Bar. Not sure that’s Glib territory.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    has any noticeable effect on learning to talk or socialize.

    Oh, come on. being poked and gurgled at by random strangers is how we learn to hate and fear strangers.

  13. Pope Jimbo

    Remember that Somali guy who was trying to get the DFL endorsement for Minneapolis City Council when his supporters got a bit too enthusiastic and chased his opponent and her supporters out of the building?

    Yeah. He decided that he could do better and alienate even more people.

    His next trick was to have a former Somali warlord (and son of famous Somali warlord) come to his fundraising dinner

    A Minneapolis City Council candidate held a June fundraiser featuring the scion of a Somali political family whose patriarch was known as a ruthless warlord whose clan-based militias intercepted food shipments and attacked U.N. peacekeepers.

    The late Mohamed Farrah Aidid was a key player in a 1990 coup, after which Somalia’s government collapsed in 1992 amid famine.

    His son, Hussein Farrah Aidid, spoke at a fundraiser for Nasri Warsame, a DFL candidate running against Council Member Aisha Chughtai.

    Hussein Farrah Aidid was a successor to his father Mohamed Farrah Aidid, whose militia engaged the U.S. military in the Battle of Mogadishu, as recounted in the book and movie “Black Hawk Down.” Somalis dragged the bodies of U.S. soldiers through the streets.

    Said Salah Ahmed, a retired University of Minnesota instructor, said he was astonished to hear Hussein Farrah Aidid was the guest speaker at a Warsame’s fundraiser, and said most Somalis would not give him a warm reception.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Chaz in Seattle had a warlord. Why shouldn’t Minneapolis?

      • The Last American Hero

        Now he’s on the city payroll as a street czar at $150k plus bennies.

    • MikeS

      “most”

    • Tundra

      I think we can safely say the Somali experiment was a mistake.

      Even my proggies have given up trying to defend them.

      • MikeS

        And yet I bet they are currently scouring the globe for another group of people who will fit in just a well as the Somali’s did.

      • Tundra

        They had to scratch Syria after last week.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Depends on how you look at it.

        The Somali Experiment could be considered a success if you consider that they’ve assimilated into our current culture like ducks to water.

        They have fit right into the “I’m a victim and I’m owed” universe. They didn’t need any coaching at all to set up various scams to bilk government agencies out of millions of dollars. They also have shown a genius for setting up nonprofits to capture even more govt funding.

        I am 100% sure that if reparations of American slavery ever becomes a reality the Somail lobby will somehow ensure that they not only will qualify somehow for reparations, but they will get the lion’s share of the money.

      • Tundra

        LOL!

        I concede the point.

      • rhywun

        How’d they wind up so politically active there? Is it a numbers thing?

        The Egyptians and such who have taken over my neighborhood seem more interested in business than politics.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I honestly hardly blame them. When they got here, it was like dropping a fat kid into a candy store. The govt and various do-gooder groups threw so much money at them that the grifters figured out how to cash in on it.

        They came from a low trust broken country so they had learned to steal anything not nailed down before someone else stole it. Here, instead of outright theft, they learned that the govt was a much easier mark.

        I also think that their clan based culture really made them valuable to the local Dem machine. They could be counted on to vote the right way in big numbers.

      • Pope Jimbo

        It should be noted that like all groups, there are a lot of good people who came here from Somalia and are unfortunately lumped in with the shysters.

        A great example is the various Amazon warehouses here. Every 6-12 months Ilhan Omar and others try to organize a walkout to protest the conditions at Amazon. Every single time only about 15 malcontents actually walk out. The rest of the Somali workers realize that making $30/hr is great for a new immigrant with no work history and sketchy language skills. Those workers keep on filling orders.

      • Tundra

        This is an important point. There are plenty of Somalis who aren’t complete shit.

        Unfortunately, CrimeWatch is jam-packed with the others.

      • rhywun

        Nice.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Happens more than you’d like to know. Close calls by the way are aircraft within certain distances of each other depending on what stage of flight they are in. The one about AA flight and the ‘pilot’ had to pull up…I question that shit. Cause if the pilot did that and not their TCAS, I’d seriously question the airline/pilot along with ATC if they directed another aircraft into their path.

      • Ownbestenemy

        The Frontier jet was waiting to cross a runway with its nose perilously close to the path of the two jets. — pilot overshot the hold line. Nothing AT can do if a pilot does something stupid after they have cleared a departure.

        SW/FedEx one was bad. That was in my opinion, a failure on SW and ATC especially when you listen. FedEx then got in the mix and started playing ATC which led to even more confusion.

        Do love this line though…and even using alcohol and sleeping pills to relieve stress.

      • Tundra

        Thanks for the explainer!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Its a big push by the AT union for more controllers. What gets swept under the rug is how much they are cutting our technical workforce (what I do). I think our sweet-spot number is 6700 technicians and we have some 4000 or so maintaining the: Lower 48 airports and outlying equipment/Guam/Alaska/Hawaii/Puerto Rico. My workload since starting here in 2010 has nearly tripled in systems I need to not only be certified to maintain, but have expertise in.

        I have to maintain the STARS (radar displays), short range radar, surface movement radar, weather radar, weather station and about a dozen various systems that handle data communications, flight data, etc. When things break, I have to prioritize what Air Traffic needs the most.

        In my new position in KY, I will have that same workload but at an airport that handles less than a 1/3rd of what Vegas handles day to day. Though pickier customers as CVG is growing to be a major Amazon hub along with DHL.

      • Tundra

        I figured there was more to it.

        You in Kentucky now?

      • Ownbestenemy

        About a month from now

  14. STEVE SMITH

    STEVE SMITH HAVE NO COMMENT.

    • Aloysious

      “Digging out the stump”.

      Is that what we’re calling it now?

      • SDF-7

        STEVE SMITH TOO MUCH FOR A STUMP PULLER — HIM USE WHOLE TRUNK.

    • Pope Jimbo

      You know what is really fucked right now with Hawaii? Their governor insists on tacking on “M.D.” to his name anywhere he goes.

      I caught him blathering on TV and saw that the chyron was showing his as “Josh Brown M. D., governor of Hawaii” and wondered what the fuck? Being gov wasn’t enough for him? Had to let everyone know he was a super smart doctor too?

      Realize that this probably irks me more than most because I’ve had to deal with more than my fair share of know-it-all docs in my career. I’d love to see how he and DR. Jill Biden get along.

      • The Other Kevin

        If there is any justice in the world he’d quickly go back to Josh Brown MD, private citizen.

      • Tonio

        The only way you know that Rand Paul is an MD is when his haters whine about him being a FaKe DoCtOr.

      • Ownbestenemy

        We have two managers here that have PHDs. They request first name (as is our culture in the FAA, we don’t use titles except in first meets) use even up to our VP of Technical Operations.

      • Pope Jimbo

        At both the German companies I have worked for, you can tell when a German developer has created a form because it will always have a drop down where you can select Doctor as your preferred salutation.

        Heaven forbid, you have to submit a form without letting everyone know you have a PhD.

      • SDF-7

        They just want everyone to know that they’re burning, burning.

      • John Nerfherder

        Germans….

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Heh. My mother insisted that their checks list my father as DR. Zwak, PhD.

        He dropped that as soon as they divorced.

      • Rat on a train

        Where are all the military ranks?

      • Fourscore

        Tucked away in my memories

        I have a friend retired from the NG that has his rank on his checks and gummed labels, he still washed dishes at fish camp.

      • rhywun

        There are a lot of things I admire about Germany and that is not one of them.

        Vastly prefer more-or-less classless ‘Merica over that shit.

    • Shpip

      Already been done. And the first one was way cuter (I know — low bar).

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Yeah, is that one offering horse rides?

  15. Animal

    Here’s my bit on the Vic Porcelli show this morning – give it a listen. Gotta work on my pacing in these things.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Nice work Animal!

    • rhywun

      Glibertarian plug, OMG.

      We’re going to get inundated by crazies, aren’t we.

      • Tundra

        For about 2 clicks.

        Then they will run screaming.

        We’ll embrace the ones that stay.

      • DrOtto

        God help ’em on Wednesday.

  16. The Other Kevin

    We got the youngest kid settled into school on Friday. She was super nervous, mostly because she’s not super outgoing and didn’t like dealing with tons of new people. Plus her boyfriend is going into the navy soon so she’s missing him already. Then it turns out her roommate (who we know from church) is a partier and has spent all her nights at frat parties. But being resourceful, youngest TOK got on the dorm chat and found a few other girls who don’t drink or smoke and are introverts. So she’s been hanging out with them. We’re talking to her often and she’s got a great sense of humor about everything. Classes start tomorrow so hopefully the routine will settle everyone down.

    • Tundra

      I can’t believe my daughter is starting her last year. Fuck me, time flies.

      Glad your kid is already figuring things out. Important times.

      • The Other Kevin

        The older two tried community college and dropped out after a year. This is our first one to go away. So it’s a learning curve for us too. Mrs. TOK went to Indiana University, but those were different times. She wasn’t available for a call or video chat any of of day, and couldn’t just order something off Amazon and have it at her dorm next day.

    • rhywun

      found a few other girls who don’t drink or smoke and are introverts

      I wish I’d had that kind of head on my shoulders.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    So “What would it take to destroy the American economy?” has been the operational hypothesis for the past thirty years?

  18. Common Tater

    The stupid internal server errors are back.

  19. Common Tater

    “BREAKING: Black Atlanta liberal arts college Morris Brown implements mask mandate, social distancing measures amid new Covid scare

    President Kevin James of Morris Brown College indicated to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Monday that the college has not yet received any reports of COVID-19 cases directly on its premises. He characterized these measures as “precautionary steps.””

    https://thepostmillennial.com/breaking-black-atlanta-liberal-arts-college-morris-brown-implements-mask-mandate-social-distancing-measures

    CWAA

    • Ownbestenemy

      We are going to find out just how much Americans love their lockdowns. Its looking more and more like FedGov will reimplement and I would suspect with new guard in place at CDC, it will come harder and faster.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        How else are you going to justify having mail-in ballots and drop-off boxes with no proper chain of custody? /adjusts tinfoil chapeau.

      • SDF-7

        I expect colleges will do it and get away with it. I expect the airlines will as well, and people will have to do it because of the Patriot Act era “Thou Shalt Not Disagree with the Flight Crew or Thou Art a Terrorist!” crap.

        Probably parts of the coasts — but I think the rest of America will just ignore them.

      • The Last American Hero

        So essentially half the country.

      • MikeS

        Its looking more and more like FedGov will reimplement

        For real? I’ve been blissfully ignoring any and all news items to do with COVID.

        I honestly could have sworn the scales had tipped and we all now know masks don’t work. WTF?!?!?

      • rhywun

        The thinking is that the left is using it to ramp up mail-in voting and other shenanigans in time for next November.

    • SDF-7

      “President James also mandated all students carry tiger repelling rocks, despite there being no records of tigers on campus.

      • Tonio

        That’s because the rocks work, you science-denier.

    • kinnath

      Megacorp is dragging us all back to the office just in time for FedGov to lock us all down again.

      • rhywun

        Mine too.

        Maybe they won’t hassle me about going remote after all.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    “Suppose I wanted to kill a lot of pilots — what would be the easy way to do it?”

    Don’t worry about gravity or aerodynamics. The most important thing is inclusivity and unconditional acceptance of emotion based thinking.

  21. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Hillary just started dripping her moisture on the Bay Area. We will rebuild. #CaliforniaStrong

    • SDF-7

      Are you going to make me start bring up key party orgies again?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Ewww, Phrasing.

      Also one of the Bee’s greatest headline.

      Deaths Caused By Hurricane Hilary To Be Labeled Suicides

      • MikeS

        They had another one along the lines of “Hilary makes landfall; 30,000 emails destroyed”

      • SDF-7

        The Bay Area can wipe up… like with a cloth.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I can see a skit where SoCal residents are complaining about all the rain and flodding and have the storm respond “At this point, what difference does it make?”

    • MikeS

      The Bee has had a number of good “articles” about Hilary.

    • rhywun

      🤢🤮

  22. Common Tater

    “Lawyer Tom Renz has exposed that the COVID-19 vaccines, widely advertised as mRNA (messenger RNA) vaccines, are in fact lab-created hybrids known as modRNA.

    Tom Renz has accused the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), Pfizer, and others of misleading the world about the true nature of the COVID-19 vaccines.

    In a statement released on social media, Renz claims that the widely recognized mRNA technology, allegedly utilized in the vaccines, is not what it appears to be.

    “They claimed the COVID-19 vaccines were mRNA & that meant MESSENGER RNA (which occurs in life everywhere). It is NOT. The mRNA is modRNA. modRNA is a lab-created hybrid designed to create changes in your genes,” said Renz.

    modRNA (modified messenger RNA) is a synthesized form of mRNA that has been altered at specific sites.”

    https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2023/08/pfizer-biontech-covid-19-vaccine-utilizes-nucleoside-modified/

    • rhywun

      What difference, at this point, does it make?

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Headache

    “In the eventuality that Congress must consider a short-term extension of government funding through a Continuing Resolution, we refuse to support any such measure that continues Democrats’ bloated COVID-era spending and simultaneously fails to force the Biden Administration to follow the law and fulfill its most basic responsibilities,” the Freedom Caucus said in a statement.

    The demands, while not unexpected, underscore the headache awaiting Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who told GOP members during a recent call that they would need a short-term spending fix before October.

    ——-

    The group also said it would oppose a “blank check” for Ukraine after the Biden administration’s new request for billions in additional aid. McCarthy is likely to face pressure from beyond the Freedom Caucus to separate any Ukraine spending from a short-term government funding bill, amid growing skepticism within the conference about continuing to provide military help.

    The House Freedom Caucus is also putting up warning signs on strategy. The conservative group, in its statement, said it would “oppose any attempt by Washington to revert to its old playbook of using a series of short-term funding extensions designed to push Congress up against a December deadline to force the passage of yet another monstrous, budget busting, pork filled, lobbyist handout omnibus spending bill at year’s end.”

    Ultra MAGA radicals will destroy the credibility of the American government.

  24. Common Tater

    “For a cool $30,000, a bosomy brunette is assuming the position of “surrogate wife,” selling herself out to married men seeking virtual companionship from a woman who’ll gladly fulfill their most primitive pleasures like “no other woman” willingly would.

    “I do tasks that average wives often prefer to avoid — like watching a football match on television without complaining,” bragged bombshell Babi Palomas, 24, from São Paulo, Brazil.

    As a surrogate wife, who only offers her saucy services digitally, Palomas, a “digital creator” with more than 111,000 Instagram followers, happily caters to the emotional needs of her woefully wedded patrons when they purchase either her 12-hour or 24-hour packages.”

    https://nypost.com/2023/08/21/married-men-pay-me-30k-to-be-their-surrogate-wife/

    Bullshit.

    • The Other Kevin

      “I do tasks that average wives often prefer to avoid.”
      Possibly true, but I doubt it involves watching sports.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Watersports?

    • SDF-7

      Meh — there have been a lot of articles over the years about a good chunk of prostitution customers looking for an emotional rather than a physical connection. If they’re in a loveless marriage where the wife has turned away and are devout enough Catholics (Brazil and all) that divorce is not an option… I could believe they’d seek some sort of companionship, especially if they can reasonably claim it isn’t cheating as there’s nothing sexual about it.

      The Church would disagree (seeking emotional comfort of the sort a spouse would give from a non-spouse would fall under the “lust in your heart” / “you thought of sin”, I expect), but venial rather than mortal sin might seem reasonable to them.

      • Common Tater

        Yes, but not $30K for over a computer.

    • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

      maybe she’s pretty handy around the house?

  25. Derpetologist

    My book is almost 60,000 words. Yay me. People might say I can’t write, but no one can say I didn’t write. A friend from college asked me for a resume so she could refer me to an operator job at a nuclear reactor. The pay is very good, but I’d have to move again. We’ll see what happens.

    For no particular reason, here’s that time when Wolverine from X-Men found Jesus:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVdKq3AkfJ8

    The mid 90s was a magical time when people didn’t freak out so much about religion. Note the Disney logo in the bottom left.

    • Mojeaux

      My son’s writing a book. I have no idea about what, and I don’t want to. He bemoans that it sucks. I tell him everybody’s first book(s) sucks. It’s okay. You’re doing it and learning.

      I didn’t tell him this, because I’m not going to read his work, but … storytelling and proficient writing are two different skillsets. Putting them together is a third. I can make a technically proficient writer out of a natural storyteller, but I can’t make a technically proficient writer into a good storyteller.

      Stephenie Meyer is a good storyteller. She’s not necessarily a technically proficient writer, but when it comes right down to it, few people care.

      • Derpetologist

        Even writing a bad book takes a lot of work, so that counts for something. I’m sure his book is better than The Eye of Argon. The only reason that book is famous is *because* it’s bad.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tc-Gc7NzxHA

      • Mojeaux

        I tell him to keep going. It’s okay if it sucks.

  26. John Nerfherder

    Power’s out.

    Dog is freaking out because of the generators running in the neighborhood.

    And he wants to be in my lap while panting and drooling.

    *sigh*

    • SDF-7

      Aww… you’re his emotional rock. Very sweet.

  27. Pope Jimbo

    O Heatbreak! My Congressman breaks the nation’s heart by announcing he won’t run for President.

    GIFT

    LISTEN
    TEXT SIZE
    39

    SHARE
    U.S. Rep. Dean Phillips does not sound like a man who expects to run for president in 2024.

    In an interview with The Star Tribune over the weekend, Phillips said that running for president this cycle “is not something as of today that I see happening for a number of reasons.” He said his mission is to encourage others to enter the primary fray even while confirming that he is still eying a September timeline for making a firm decision on what he’ll do.

    “Setting up a competitive campaign, the infrastructure, the people, the systems in multi-states, requires a tremendous amount of effort and time, and there are people who have laid that groundwork. I’m not one of them,” Phillips said. “Perhaps in the future. We’ll see about that.”

    The 54-year-old moderate Democrat from Minnesota’s Third Congressional District has gained national attention over his public call in recent weeks for a primary challenge to Democratic incumbent President Joe Biden. Phillips has gone even further lately.

    I have to believe that our local pols like Special K, Dean-O and King Walz getting treated in the local press like people really want them to run for President is just an elaborate prank.

    The local journalos have to try to find a local angle to stories, but c’mon! Does anyone really think any of those jackasses could even beat Kamala?

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      What a coincidence. I’m unlikely to run for president too.

    • John Nerfherder

      “moderate Democrat”

      No such thing

  28. Mojeaux

    “Micro”school on the news. 5-100 students, 1-4 teachers, often faith-based, some directed at black children. Tuition or funds pooling, some take school choice funds. We used to call those private schools. Of course, the teachers unions are pissy.

    YouTube putting in more censorious and right-think rules tomorrow. Don’t contradict the WHO! 🙄

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yeah noticed its ALL medical information. Video on using an alternative to clean and bandage a knee scrap? BANNED!

      • Pope Jimbo

        Not to worry. The WHO is into some pretty freaky shit so it should be pretty easy to keep in compliance.

        Edward Ernst, a German-British medical professor who has written several books on what he terms “so-called alternative medicine,” or SCAM, has been highly critical of the WHO’s emphasis on traditional and complementary medicine.

        “The WHO has a long history of uncritically promoting alternative therapies,” wrote Ernst on his individual blog. “The Indian government has recently advocated irresponsibly dangerous nonsense, such as the use of homeopathy for the prevention and treatment of COVID infections. The two together make an ominous initiative when it comes to alternative medicine.”

        Ernst told the Washington Examiner that the WHO’s touting of traditional medicine as long-established in indigenous cultures is intentionally misleading.

        “[Traditional medicine] might be well established but that it contributes to health and well-being is a medical claim that is not supported by sound evidence. For many of the therapies in question, the evidence is negative; some are outright dangerous,” Ernst said. “To me, this is ill-informed, biased, and counter-productive. In the realm of [traditional medicine], the WHO is driven by political interests and not by science to the detriment of patients worldwide.”

        As long as you don’t fuck up like Ernsty there and make fun of the WHO, you should be OK.

    • rhywun

      The same WHO that lied to the world for three years and everyone knows it?

      Why does it feel like we’re sliding back to 2020 again?

  29. Not Adahn

    If I lived in a state where printing wasn’t a felony, I would strongly consider this (assuming it was drop safe. Surely they made it drop safe, right?)

    https://shadow2.czub.cz/

    • Tundra

      Are CZs not generally drop safe?

      • Not Adahn

        The Shadow 2 is not. Since it was designed as a pure race gun, it doesn’t have anything (like a firing pin block) that puts extra work on the trigger.

      • Not Adahn

        I guess you’re supposed to carry it with the hammer at the “safety notch?”

      • Tundra

        It’s kinda big to carry, anyway.

        The compact is cool.

    • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

      Back in the ninties, I sat on a jury for that very thing; dude fucking around by the train tracks flips off a sheriff deputy, gets ticket. We found him stupid (for other reasons) but not guilty, and said so in the verdict.

      • Sensei

        Yeah. Why tempt fate doing that?

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      On a college road trip a buddy showed his bare ass to the car behind us, which as it turns out was driven by an off-duty NJ State Trooper with his family. The cop pulled us over at a stop light and forced my buddy to get out and apologize to the family. We all got a good laugh out of it.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That was it? Sounds very reasonable.

      • MikeS

        Yeah. These days you could end up on the sex offenders list.

  30. Mojeaux

    And dewpoint is 82F. Worse tomorrow, when I have to go out. My brother decided he needed to come out here (from Seattle) this week instead of last week when we had the windows open.

    • rhywun

      dewpoint is 82F

      😱

      Pushing 70 here. I lugged another three coffee cans over to Coinstar this morning* and by the time I got back I was soaked and cranky.

      *Four trips so far – about $1,100 worth. I plan to use some of it to tip the movers.

      • Common Tater

        Wow, that’s a massive amount of change.

      • rhywun

        It’s almost all carried over from my previous residence when I moved 12 years ago. Because I stopped using cash around then.

        I figured it’s time to finally get rid of bloat.

        I also tossed* all my paperbacks.

        *Donated

      • Tundra

        So where are you moving from and to?

      • rhywun

        From Brooklyn, NY to Ithaca, NY.

      • Tundra

        That looks like a hugely awesome move!

        Congrats!

  31. Shpip

    A rather whimsical Today (okay yesterday) in Baseball:

    Every once in a while, when a team is getting blown out in a game, a manager will put a position player on the mound for an inning. It typically ends badly, as a guy whose stuff topped out in high school tries to pitch against major league hitters.

    During a game this week in 1997, the Yankees had given up eleven runs in the first three innings, and were down 12-4 heading into the bottom of the eighth. With a doubleheader coming up, manager Joe Torre wanted to save his bullpen.

    Someone mentioned to the skipper that Wade Boggs had a nasty knuckleball. Torre asked Boggs if he wanted to pitch, Boggs responded by sprinting to the bullpen, and the rest is history.

    • Mojeaux

      The Royals had a backup catcher, Drew Butera. He still plays catcher, but he’s often called upon to pitch wherever he goes, and is solid.

      • Shpip

        Some notable times position players pitched.

        On the opposite side of the ledger was Jose Canseco. He pitched one inning in a Rangers loss to the Red Sox, giving up three runs for a career ERA of 27.0. He also managed to pop his elbow, requiring season-ending Tommy John surgery.

    • Derpetologist

      The slowest MLB pitcher was a great success.

      ***
      Eichhorn made his major league debut with the Blue Jays in 1982 but suffered a severe shoulder injury after which he did not return to the majors until 1986. The shoulder injury had robbed Eichhorn of most of his fastball velocity and had forced him to turn to an unconventional sidearm motion in which his arm angle was well below the belt when he released the ball. Eichhorn was notable for an exceptionally low velocity for a major league pitcher though his control and unusual delivery made him an effective player.
      ***

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Video on using an alternative to clean and bandage a knee scrap?

    “Stop blubbering. Rub some mud on it and get back out there. You want your friends to think you’re a sissy?”

    • Tundra

      You know what works great for scrapes and cuts?

      Honey.

      Fourscore has saved more lives than Salk.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Several people over the years have told me honey is really good at minimizing scars

    • Tundra

      It’s a miracle drug.

      • MikeS

        The miracle happens after Kinnath gets a hold of it.

  34. Mojeaux

    All the back-to-school stories on the news. I NEVER have to worry about school shit again.

    • MikeS

      Careful future-grandma. Don’t tempt the fates.

      • Mojeaux

        Shut yo mouf. NO GRANDCHILDREN!!!

      • MikeS

        🤐

      • Tundra

        Don’t be ridiculous.

        We need the numbers.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Are you sure you’re Mormon?

      • Mojeaux

        *checks magic underwear*

        Looks like it.

      • rhywun

        LOL

        My mom never stopped talking about how badly she wanted grandchildren.

        Four sons and only one of them obliged.

    • B.P.

      My local news channels were doing live coverage of back to school. Watching kids get off buses, saunter into school buildings, etc., while some haircut-on-a-stick provides play-by-play is riveting. Oh, and it’s really hot today, so bonus human interest angle.

      • rhywun

        Heh I can’t wait to live where something like that makes the news.

        Instead of the wall-to-wall murders that I’m used to now.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Back to School is a huge payday for a lot of people. Walmart and Target are gonna make some serious cash the next few weeks. All the manufacturers selling back to school are also hoping to score big as the kids head off to school.

      I used to have a client who was a mftr’s rep and they spent tons of time on back-to-school promos. Lots of money spent getting your product on the end cap.

      • Mojeaux

        The only thing I will miss is shopping for school supplies. Like, that is my idea of heaven. What a thrill!

      • Gender Traitor

        When I was a kid, I never got the 64-crayon box with the sharpener.* Even now, it’s still tempting.

        *Our crayon collection was mainly kept loose in an old Crisco can.

      • Mojeaux

        ❤️❤️❤️

      • Tundra

        Same.

        I hated those rich fuckers.

        Now my daughter goes through a laptop a year.

      • rhywun

        lol

        We are so rich now and there are so many people who want to make that go away.

      • rhywun

        #metoo

        I loved school.

        One year I bought myself a Trapper Keeper with paper route money.

      • Mojeaux

        Trapper Keepers and 64-crayon boxes with sharpener!!!!

      • rhywun

        64-crayon boxes with sharpener

        OMG that was way out of my league.

      • Tundra

        Shit. Me too!

    • John Nerfherder

      I’m mildly drunk so parsing all of that is difficult at the moment.

      But my impression is that however bad it is for the BOJ, the ECB is far worse off.

      If yields rise in Japan, the carry trades which prop up European banks will unwind. And the Eu is under immense economic pressure from losing Nordstream and the French colonies that prop up the nuke industry.

  35. Mojeaux

    I just found out Missouri requires state judges to retire when they’re 70.

    All judges other than municipal judges shall retire at the age of seventy years, except as provided in the schedule to this article, under a retirement plan provided by law.

      • MikeS

        Huh. NoDak and Arkansas don’t have a retirement age, but you lose benefits if you don’t retire by a certain age. 73 and 70, respectively. I wonder what the thinking is there? If you haven’t figured out a way to get independently wealthy by then, you’re to dumb to be a judge?

    • B.P.

      And then they get pressed back into service as visiting/part-time judges for judicial districts that are under-judged.

  36. Brochettaward

    You know what’s child abuse? Not teaching your kids how to First hands on. I know not many of you are capable of that.

    • The Last American Hero

      Those who can’t first, teach