FADE IN:
EXT. MOON BASE-DAY
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN stands at the front entrance of his moon base, a large dome with three tunnels extending to 3 smaller domes, a control tower next to the main dome rising above. (The hippie moon base from CQ). It is snowing. Before him stand an army of Moon Men, waist high beings that stand on two long, spindly legs, with torsos that look like mops of hair with giant googly eyes. Each Moon Man is a different color. (They look like the Fry Guys from McDonald’s)
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
Soon, my Moon Men, we will descend upon the earth and take what is rightfully mine! I deserve to rule over all men! Just as I rule over you! Only I have the vision to design the perfect society! Where all beings will be made free by my hand! Free to follow my rules! Free to do as I say! Free to live in harmony with my ideals!
The Moon Men make an alien sounding noise of adulation in unison.
INT. DR JEWSENHEIMER’S LAB-DAY
DR JEWSENHEIMER, a lanky man with frizzy gray hair and an unkempt mustache under his long, slender nose, wears a lab coat as he escorts MARGO METTLESOME and PEERLESS PALDIN through his lab. ORBIT BOY keeps knocking things off tables and shelves as they pass.
PEERLESS PALADIN
…And what is it you’re working on now Dr. Jewsenheimer?
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Well, now that the war is over, I am studying the amazing properties of the new found RADAR waves. It has many remarkable uses. Why, already I’ve designed a RADAR telescope, that lets us see into the far reaches of space. As well as my new RADAR rocket, capable of traveling on RADAR waves to the farthest reaches of the solar system. But, most exciting of all is my new device, that uses RADAR waves to cook the most scrumptious meals!
MARGO
Dr. Jewsenheimer, how does any of this help with the housing shortage?
DR JEWSENHEIMER
I’m not quite sure I follow.
MARGO
After our noble reform governor tore down those disgusting slums to make way for cheap, affordable housing, those dirty Tycoons caused a housing shortage. I’m just wondering how your new inventions will solve these real life problems.
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Well, to put it bluntly they won’t. The only way to solve those problems is to give more power and authority to respectable progressive politicians. I’m afraid science can’t solve everything, Ms. Mettlesome.
PEERLESS
Back to your inventions Dr. Jewsenheimer, can you demonstrate these amazing discoveries.
Dr. Jewsenheimer leads Peerless and Margo over towards a rocket ship on a slanted pedestal. At the top end of the rocket there is a hole in the roof, through which the moon can be seen.
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Why yes! Here is my RADAR Rocket! It can travel great distances in just a few moments. Why, I’d say, based on my calculated calculations, a trip from here to say, the moon, would take no more than a few seconds.
PEERLESS
But, I don’t see any rocket engines? Without rocket engines, like the krauts used on those new-fangled missiles, how does this ship break free of gravity?
DR JEWSENHEIMER
That’s the beauty of it! RADAR waves aren’t affected by gravity! Anything traveling on this rocket is as weightless as…as a feather.
MARGO
I don’t see what use any of this is when we have Tycoons forcing people to live in squalor.
PEERLESS
Margo, please, just let him speak.
MARGO
Sounds like a lot of wasted money that the government could put to better use.
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Oh, Ms. Mettlesome, this is all government funded research.
MARGO
Well then, it’s vital and of the utmost importance!
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Indeed.
PEERLESS
And what about the RADAR telescope Dr. Jewsenheimer?
DR JEWSENHEIMER
It’s a brilliant device! Come have a look!
Dr. Jewsenheimer leads Margo and Peerless to a large telescope, it looks no different from an optical telescope except for a small RADAR dish mounted above the lens at the end. The radar dish rotates and beeps, visible red waves emanating from it. At the end of the telescope is another hole in the roof, through which the moon can be seen.
DR JEWSENHEIMER (CONT’D)
This magnificent telescope uses RADAR waves to see to the farthest reaches. The RADAR waves work like a magnifying lens. See for yourself.
Peerless approaches the eyepiece and bends down to look. Orbit Boy is smashed against the body of the telescope.
POV SHOT: We see Anti-Gravity Man’s Moon Base through the telescope. The shot shakes in the same rhythm Orbit Boy collided with it in the other shots. Anti-Gravity Man is still being adulated by the Moon Men.
The view returns to Peerless looking through the eyepiece and Orbit Boy smashing into the telescope. Peerless tries to pull his eye from the telescope, but the entire structure moves with him. Finally he manages to free himself, but now it is stuck to his hand, Orbit Boy pries him free.
PEERLESS
Great Scott! Anti-Gravity Man has a Moon Base!
MARGO
What was that Peerless?
PEERLESS
Nothing Margo…I…I…just have to…what’s that!
PEERLESS points in a random direction. Margo and Dr. Jewsenheimer both look to where Peerless points, he uses this time to run out of frame.
MARGO
I don’t see anything.
DR JEWSENHEIMER
I do, why yes of course, that! There! Very interesting indeed!
GRAVITY MAN (and ORBIT BOY) SMASH into frame, projecting large clumps of concrete into the air that then orbit.
GRAVITY MAN
Dr. Jewsenheimer, I need to borrow your RADAR rocket!
MARGO (Swooning)
Gravity Man!
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Oont Orbit Boy!
GRAVITY MAN
There’s no time for this, I need the rocket!
DR JEWSNHEIMER
Yes! Anything you need!
MARGO (Swooning)
Anything!
Gravity Man presses his hands against both of their heads as he passes between them. They stick to his hands and are dragged several feet before they get caught on lab equipment and drop to the floor, unconscious. Gravity Man and Orbit Boy board the rocket. As Gravity Man settles into the pilot seat the power of his gravity dwindles, the concrete clumps dropping away,Orbit Boy slowing his orbit. For the first time since they met, Orbit Boy’s feet touch the floor. A smile spreads across his face and he attempts to flee. JUST THEN, Gravity Man grabs Orbit Boy and holds him close to his chest.
GRAVITY MAN
Hold tight old chum!
The rocket blasts off. Orbit Boy scowls.
EXT SPACE-DAY
The RADAR Rocket screams through the blackness of space between the earth and the moon, trailed by a red line emanating sparks. In the cockpit Gravity Man holds tightly to Orbit Boy, nearly suffocating him. Once the rocket reaches the moon it screeches past, then a car braking sound and it reverses and lands on the moon like a real rocket take-off in reverse.
EXT. MOON-DAY
The RADAR Rocket gently lands on the moon’s surface, sucking up a cloud of dust like a real rocket take-off in reverse, just behind the crowd of Moon Men outside of Anti-Gravity Man’s Moon Base. Snow is still falling. Gravity Man (and Orbit Boy) bound out of the rocket rocket and float in a slow arc to the surface. Like a slow-motion game of dodge ball Gravity Man hurls Orbit Boy towards the Moon Men, who have turned to see the spectacle.
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
We’ve been invaded by earth invaders!
ORBIT BOY slowly flies through the crowd of Moon Men, like a bowling strike in slow-motion. As the Moon Men topple over Obit Boy bounds slowly between them, moving from slow-motion bowling to slow-motion pinball (complete with sounds). When each Moon Man falls they bounce (in slow-motion) off the ground and are ejected into the black void of space, with haunting screams. When this pinball of death ends Orbit Boy bounds slowly towards ANTI-GRAVITY MAN. Anti-Gravity Man raises his fists clenched like a volleyball player and smacks Orbit Boy back towards Gravity-Man.
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
You cannot defeat me here Gravity Man! There is no gravity here on the moon! Only Anti-Gravity!
Gravity Man jumps up in slow motion, preparing to spike Orbit Boy like a volleyball in Top Gun.
GRAVITY MAN
There may not be any gravity, but the moon does have an orbit!
Gravity Man ‘spikes’ Orbit Boy back at Anti-Gravity Man. The hit draws blood from Obit Boy, who is already bruised from the previous ‘fun’. Orbit Boy’s right eye is swollen shut and his left cheek swollen. Orbit Boy rotates slowly with pinwheels of blood splatter around him as he smashes into Anti-Gravity Man, and they fall to the moon’s surface together like two boxers hitting the mat at the same time in slow-motion.
GRAVITY MAN
Haha! It seems you don’t understand the gravity of the situation, Anti-Gravity Man!
Gravity Man skips in slow-motion over to Orbit Boy and Anti-Gravity Man and picks up their limp, weightless bodies.
GRAVITY MAN
Now, to get back to earth! Away!
Gravity Man skips slowly back to the rocket. The same landing animation is used, but now in reverse.
EXT. SPACE-DAY
The same rocket animation is used in reverse as the RADAR rocket returns to earth.
INT. DR JEWSENHEIMER’S LAB-DAY
As the RADAR rocket lands Margo and Jewsenheimer stand up from the floor, rubbing their heads as they regain consciousness. Gravity Man bounds out of the rocket, as he leaves the cockpit the power of gravity re-asserts and he is thrust into the floor, causing shards of concrete to raise up and orbit. Orbit Boy is held under one arm, Anti-Gravity Man under the other. As Gravity Man hits the floor he releases both. Anti-Gravity Man floats gently to a waiting chair. Orbit, still limp, bruised and unconscious, returns to orbit.
MARGO
Gravity Man!
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Oont Orbit Boy!
GRAVITY MAN
Why yes, I did save the day, once again. But I couldn’t have done it without my old chum here.
Gravity Man motions to the battered, bruised, limp body of Orbit Boy.
MARGO
You’re just so dog-gone swell, Gravity Man!
DR JEWSENHEIMER
Hip-hip-hurrah!
GRAVITY MAN
Aw, shucks.
MARGO
And you finally got that no good Anti-Gravity Man!
POV SHOT of the chair Anti-Gravity Man floated to now being empty.
GRAVITY MAN
Great Scott! He’s gone!
WIDE SHOT of MARGO, DR JEWSENHEIMER, and GRAVITY MAN staring at the empty chair. The unconscious body of Orbit Boy hitting everything in the room as he circles Gravity Man.
NARRATOR
How did Anti-Gravity Man escape!? Does it have anything to do with the New Red Menace!? Is Dr. Jewsenheimer a spy? Will Margo ever find a good strong man and settle down!? Find out in the next, all new, thrilling adventure of: The Adventures of Gravity Man!
Cue: Theme Music.
FADE OUT.
Come get covid from me in the Wednesday Zoom
Wear a condom.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7RlBUEHQ7bY
Good but I was thinking this
Dr. Jewsenheimer
😂😂
Good show, CPRM. You’ll be ready for action by HH. Unlike Anti-Gravity Man. Looked like GM almost whipped AGM’s butt . I can’t help but think AGM may be the more powerful and he’s not dragging a free rider along. Margo knows what she wants but ain’t getting it.
Yep, should all be good and well to not give you the cooties by next weekend. Looking forward to it.
Note: Zoom isn’t near as much fun when you don’t have a camera or microphone.
Where the white bitches at?
At my place getting the seconds Firsted out of them.
MikeS…MikeS…you give me a headache here.
What Firster would be fucking the seconds out of anything? Firsters only dance with Firsters and only in very precise, ritualized ways.
So, staring into a mirror and saying “I’d fuck me…”?
If I told you, I’d have to kill you. How Firsters are bred is one of our most closely guarded secrets for obvious security reasons. Stopping it at its source is the ultimate goal of all seconders and the only way they will ever win the war.
“Just How Gay Are You?”
Dual purpose
https://youtu.be/BjxMbgLJXjU?si=LfMNMOCVsvlG7KjJ
*places finger on side of nose
I know what you’re saying.
Very frugal. I like it.
Good morning all!
Two more from Renaissance, given they were well received yesterday.
Northern Lights.
Song for all Seasons
Share and enjoy!
Good morning, Beau, Sean, and Roat!
Very nice selections indeed, Beau! 😊🎶
Thank you! Renaissance is worth getting to know.
Good morning.
Wait, it’s thursday already? Where has my week gone?
Good morning, U! Don’t worry – you still have time to enjoy your staycation!
I have to get to the bank today, have a regular doctor’s appointment tomorrow, and stop by the mechanic for some regular car maintenance tuesday. Feels like I’ve got more errands than vacation left.
At least you don’t have to juggle them with work! 😃
I return to work on monday, so, I have the mechanic’s in conflict with the workday.
So….ummmm….you get out of work again for a little while!
Sounds relaxing. Enjoy!
Good morning Glibs! 🌞
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0wBDDAZkNtk
🎶🎶
Best song she ever did, for my money.
https://www.cbsnews.com/philadelphia/news/danelo-cavalcante-search-video-chester-county-prison-escape/
Still haven’t caught this (apparently) crafty fucker.
I blame Jackie Chan.
Mornin’, reprobates!
Good morning, ‘patzie. How you holdin’ up?
Mornin’, GT. Dentist this morning, new crowns.
Found and fixed another bug in our data pipeline this week.
Account Manager: “When did this start?”
Me: “Day 1”
I’m glad I don’t have to explain these things to customers. I don’t know how to say “we fucked up” without saying “we fucked up”.
New crowns? Poor guy! You’re getting it from both ends lately! 😟
“You’re getting it from both ends lately!”
Patzer straight!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bctYe13iePI
Anybody seen Mr. Lizard?
https://www.nj.com/news/2023/09/rogue-nj-alligator-may-be-dead-officials-say-as-search-continues.html
Hmmmm…. That scenic landscape looks hauntingly like pics you’ve shown of your nearby environs. How close could that gator be to Patzerhaus??
About 30 miles south of me, I think we’re good.
I’m surprised CN didn’t pick these up.
“Wait – nobody told us that we’d have to cover the costs of being a sanctuary city!”
https://nypost.com/2023/09/07/nyc-mayor-adams-says-migrant-crisis-will-destroy-the-city-during-town-hall/
“Mayor Eric Adams warned that the raging migrant crisis will “destroy” New York City and tore into President Biden for ignoring his pleas for help, saying that the White House has given “no support” for the thousands of asylum seekers arriving each month.”
The richest city in the country somehow needs fedbux for their subway.
Virtue signaling isn’t supposed to cost anything.
Cripple fight in aisle 3!
And he wants to tag team with Kathy to spread it around the state but I think she sees the writing on the wall and ain’t having it.
What a delicious development – the veins of hypocrisy are so rich and deep.
Maybe give them little Ukraine flags to wave around?
Just in case anybody thought that $175m the US was pledging to Ukraine was it…
https://www.wsj.com/world/europe/blinken-visits-kyiv-at-key-moment-for-war-ukraine-ties-816000f0?st=6nevo7um03prpf0&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
I thought that was way, way too cheap given the Blinken was there to do the dog and pony show. This is much less surprising.
$203 million to root out graft in Ukrainian institutions
LOL
Holy shit, really?
That’s just too rich.
We’re going to be shoveling cash over there for decades, aren’t we.
I still think at least one digit is missing.
Probably fat-fingered the “b”.
Recognizing a stopped clock is correct twice a day…
Russia-Led Theatrics Take Center Stage at U.N.
Moscow’s invitees to Security Council discussions of Ukraine war have included Pink Floyd co-founder Roger Waters
https://www.wsj.com/world/europe/russia-led-theatrics-take-center-stage-at-u-n-80263885?st=i411m3fo1ec89d6&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
“Russian-Led theatrics”
Huh. I was expecting Baryshnikov.
Team up with Gregory Hines again?