Ep 9: Gravity Man VS The Reds

by | Sep 13, 2023 | Art, Comic, Entertainment | 152 comments

INT. DR JEWSENHEIMER’S LAB-DAY

WIDE SHOT of MARGO, DR JEWSENHEIMER, and GRAVITY MAN staring at the empty chair. The unconscious body of Orbit Boy hitting everything in the room as he circles Gravity Man.

     NARRATOR
When we last left our hero, Gravity Man, he had just returned from the moon where he had finally defeated his foe Anti-Gravity Man. While our hero explained the adventure to the awaiting Margo Mettlesome and Dr. Jewsenheimer, Anti-Gravity Man had mysteriously escaped. Let’s join in.

     GRAVITY MAN
Great Scott! He’s gone!

     DR JEWSENHEIMER
Unt he’s not there anymore either!

     MARGO
Look, on the chair! It’s a red calling card!

     GRAVITY MAN
The calling card of the Red Spy Gang!

     MARGO
The Red Spy Gang! You mean that mysterious group of spies that have sworn to undermine our very American way of life, by destroying social security and public schools!?

     GRAVITY MAN
That very gang, Ms. Mettlesome. You need to get back to the office to research this. I..I mean Peerless Paladin will meet you there.

     MARGO
Whatever you say Gravity Man! We can’t let these reds scare us into abandoning the very ideals that underpin our country!

INT. METRO CITY METROPOLITAN OFFICE-NIGHT

PEERLESS and MARGO sit at a desk filled with papers and file folders in the dimly lit office. ORBIT BOY is asleep, in orbit, papers stuck to his face. Still battered, bruised and bleeding.

     PEERLESS
All this reading is tiring me out. We’ve drank nearly all the coffee on this specific coast and we’re no closer to finding a clue about the Red Spy Gang. I’m just not sure how much longer I can hold out, Margo.

     MARGO (LOOKING AT ORBIT BOY)
Judging by how quickly your Cousin Buddy fell asleep, it must run in the family.

     PEERLESS (LOOKING AT ORBIT BOY)
Why..yes..Cousin Buddy…family…heh…What’s your secret Margo? You seem to have boundless energy.

     MARGO
A lady never tells her secrets, Peerless Paladin.

     PEERLESS
Well, good thing you’re a reporter and not a lady!

     MARGO
Why Peerless Paladin! You old so and so! You’re going to make me blush. Well, if you must know, it’s these fine dandy’s I got from my cousin, you know the one, the war hero.

Margo holds up a small cardboard tube branded ‘Pep Pills’.

     MARGO (CONT’D)
My cousin got them in his ration during the war. He swears by them, says he can’t live without them. And judging by how ornery he gets when he misses a dose, I agree. But his wife does usually deserve the smacks he gives her in those situations. Wanna try one?

     PEERLESS
Who am I to disagree with a war hero?

Margo hands Peerless the tube, he takes off the top and tilts the tube to his open mouth. At first one pill falls gently on his tongue, but then due to the power of gravity, every pill in the tube is sucked into his mouth.

     MARGO
I said try one! Not gobble them all down!

     PEERLESS
Golly Margo, sometimes I just can’t control my power….errr, I mean, you know know what a clumsy oaf I can be.

     MARGO
Oh, never mind. I’ll just pick up more tomorrow when I stop in at the pharmacy to pick up some more Milk of the Poppy.

At the sound of this ORBIT BOY begins kicking and pawing in his sleep. Margo and Peerless laugh.

FADE OUT

INT. METRO CITY METROPOLITAN-MORNING

FADE IN
Orbit Boy still orbits asleep, bruised and battered. Margo is asleep with her head on the desk. Peerless is disheveled and overly excited, paging through files until he notices something in the file he is reading and begins speaking frantically.

     PEERLESS
Great Scott! That’s it! Why didn’t I see it earlier! I did see it earlier, I know, but I didn’t see it! Of course! Margo! Margo! I see it! I see it! Wake up Margo! I see it! Don’t you see! I see it!

Peerless begins to violently shake Margo to awaken her. She slowly raises her head off the desk and extends her arms in a deep yawn. Orbit Boy hits her in the head as she raises up, which awakens him. He hits her a few more times before she sits fully upright, then through the rest of the scene his orbit passes just in front of her face, she does not miss a beat in performance.

     MARGO (yawning)
What is it you see?

     PEERLESS
I see it! It’s all connected! The war! The Russians! The Red Spy Gang! Don’t you see! I saw it! I did! I saw it after I saw it, I didn’t see it until now! But now I do! Can’t you see Margo!?

Peerless clutches his chest and begins inhaling deeply.

     MARGO
What are you going on about? How can the Red Spy Gang be connected to the Russians, our greatest ally in the war?

     PEERLESS
I don’t know! But I do know. At least I know that I know! You can’t ever know until you know! It’s all right there! Can’t you see! I saw, and when I saw I knew! If you would just see then you would know! The Red Spy Gang! The Red Army! It’s all right there! But I can’t touch it! But I can know it!

     MARGO
Wait, now I see! The Red Spy Gang is trying to sully the good name of our great allies! By gum Peerless I think you cracked it! The Red Spy Gang, by being against family planning, social security and public schools is trying to undermine how we can learn from our great allies in Russia. Those damn dirty Reds!

     PEERLESS
That’s it! Yes! Of Course! The Red Spy Gang stands against everything American like reproductive rights, social security and public schools! We know this, because that is what we in the media say about them! So it must be true! They are against voting rights, women’s rights, and want to put religion into classrooms! The UN-American scoundrels!

     MARGO
We need to put a stop to this now!

     PEERLESS
I need to put a stop to this! I mean, Gravity Man! I mean look! I, well he, I mean we, I…don’t know! But I do know! And when I knew that I knew! But how did I know!? I…I…

     MARGO
But where can we find the Red Spy Gang?

     PEERLESS
Who cares about the Red Spy Gang!? Tell me where I can get more Pep Pills! I mean, I don’t need more, but I just need to know!

PEERLESS begins shaking MARGO violently. Orbit Boy manages to open one of his swollen eyes.

     ORBIT BOY
Water.

Orbit Boy grasps for help, his tongue now breaking through to lick his chapped swollen lips.

     PEERLESS
Of course! Water! Evil doers always congregate at the filthy waterfronts! You know the government really should condemn all those properties! They are only used for crime! They should be turned into cheap affordable housing! Then the government could solve this housing shortage! But no time for that now! Yes! By the water! You’re right! I need to go right now, down by the water! Away!

Peerless slowly clods off. Orbit Boy reaches back towards Margo in desperation.

     ORBIT BOY
Water…

INT. RED SPY GANG HIDEOUT-DAY

The Red Spy Gang are inside a vast warehouse filled with wooden crates. In the middle of the warehouse Anti-Gravity Man sits on a chair. He is surrounded by four portly middle-aged Native Americans. Red Leader 1, Red 2,Red 3 and Porkins.

     RED 1
Many moon ago, white man takum land that were ours. Now we takum back.

     ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
What does this have do with me?

     RED 1
Are you identify as white man?

     ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
Yes, but I…I’m an ally!

     RED 1
Porkins, you read back us that part letter to white man for many wampum?

     PORKINS
Them identify as Anti-Gravity Person.

     RED 1
Porkins, we red men no have need white man language. We have many two-spirits.

     PORKINS
Me sorry, Red Leader 1. What me mean them identify Anti-Gravity person as now right moment.

     RED 2
Porkins be fatty who no smart.

     Red 3
Them are being so weight challenged at this interval that they is currently sounding unsmart.

     RED 1
Red 2, Red 3, that sound of white man bad speech!

JUST THEN Gravity Man bursts through the ceiling like a bowling ball dropped through the skylight of a crystal chandelier factory.

     GRAVITY MAN
You damn dirty Reds! I know now that I know, and since I know, I know what I have to do. You’re making me do this because of your UN-American actions, actions that go against the very core of American ideals. I know because I am in the media, and we know all because we know that we know when we know it! And if knowing is half the battle then I’ve already won the battle because I know that I know! So here, have a taste of Gravity!

Gravity Man hurls Orbit Boy at the 4 gang members in a bloody game of dodge-ball where Orbit Boy, as the ball, returns to Gravity Man’s hand after each report. Leaving The Red Spy Gang writhing on the floor and leaving Orbit Boy in ever more dire straits. Gravity Man clods over to the chair on which Anti-Gravity Man sits.

     GRAVITY MAN
You felonious fiend! I’ve caught you now! You were working with the Red Spy Gang to undermine our partnership with the grand Soviet! I…I…What’s come over me!? Suddenly I feel so weak! What have you done to me. If…only…I had more…PEP Pills…

GRAVITY MAN collapses to the floor with enough force to create a crater. The shock wave begins to destroy the warehouse.

     ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
It seems I’ve been given a reprieve. AWAY!

ANTI-GRAVITY MAN flies out of the crumbling warehouse while Gravity Man and Orbit Boy are subsumed by debris. The Red Spy Gang is crushed to death in the rubble.

     NARRATOR
How did the dastardly Anti-Gravity Man defeat Gravity Man? Has he found Gravity Man’s one weakness!? Can Gravity Man find more PEP Pills!? Can you, young viewer, mail any PEP Pills your parents might have to : Gravity Man, 110 Cereal Company St., Cereal City, Michigan, 51111? We’ll find out next week, in an all new thrilling adventure!

FADE TO BLACK

About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

152 Comments

  1. MikeS

    But his wife does usually deserve the smacks he gives her in those situations.

    Oh, Margo. You say the sweetest things!

  2. Sean

    Porkins
    Red leader
    👀

    ISWYDT

  3. CPRM

    Got my new SSD installed and formatted. 2 of my other HDDs weren’t showing up, so shut down and move some cables around. Now the power supply won’t even power up. I give up for today. I should just give up in general. I can’t have nice things.

    • MikeS

      Soon you’ll have your yearly visit with me and all will be well.

      #nohomo

      • CPRM

        Yeah, I have an extra power supply, so if that is the issue I’ll have it fixed, but if not, it’ll make me miserable all weekend 🙁

      • Brochettaward

        I can hear the humming of your automatic dildos through the text, you liar.

      • MikeS

        One thing is indisputable. I’m the Firstiest Motherfucker there is tonight.

      • Brochettaward

        Oh, you think being first is your ally. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see second until I was already a man, and by then it was nothing to me but blinding!

      • rhywun

        lol

      • pistoffnick

        automatic dildos…

        I’m pretty sure both of them know how to drive a manual transmission.

    • Robonerfherder

      Dell repair guy replaced my laptop motherboard today with no errors. I finally got my money’s worth out of an extended warranty.

      • rhywun

        Dude, you’ve got a Dell?

      • Robonerfherder

        Alienware, cuz I’m a hardware slut.

      • rhywun

        I hate hardware for gamerz – so butt ugly.

      • Robonerfherder

        Hell, Alienware is tasteful compared to the other options.

        But yes, I don’t really need my laptop to light up like an Escalade with spinners and underbody lights in Orlando.

      • rhywun

        I have a keyboard and mouse for gamerz (Razer) but purely because they are super configurable. I could program swirling colors and shit but ugh.

      • hayeksplosives

        Remember gateway PCs with their cute Holstein cattle marked boxes?

        What happened to them?

      • pistoffnick

        Still going: https://gatewayusa.com

        This was the default laptop and standard desktop when I was an IT geek at NDSU*.

        *I technically wrote the first html webpage for Norf Dakota State University, but it got overwritten the next day but someone with more diversity points.

      • rhywun

        Wat… that must be a reboot cuz I swear they went bankrupt or something a couple decades ago.

      • slumbrew

        Sorta – bunch of bad decisions, culminating with buying eMachines and eventually being acquired by Acer.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gateway,_Inc.

        Founder Ted Waitt was smart enough to sell about $1B of stock when it was flying high.

      • MikeS

        Every computer on that site is “Available Soon”.

        From Wikipedia:

        2020–present: Revival as an Acer label
        In September 2020, Acer revived the Gateway branding on laptops and tablets sold exclusively through Walmart. Acer commissioned Bmorn Technology, a Shenzhen based technology company, to manufacture and sell these Gateway branded laptops. The new line of laptops is a rebadging of Acer’s existing EVOO-branded laptops. The laptops’ sound systems are tuned in partnership with THX.

      • rhywun

        I finally got my money’s worth out of an extended warranty.

        I have never bought one of those in my life but I’ve been working on a project for the last… fuck – year to handle those claims.

        Kinda like when I worked with auto insurance for years and didn’t own a car lol.

      • rhywun

        Or fire insurance and didn’t own a house….

      • Rat on a train

        Stay away from life insurance.

  4. Tundra

    Gravity Man hurls Orbit Boy at the 4 gang members in a bloody game of dodge-ball where Orbit Boy, as the ball, returns to Gravity Man’s hand after each report. Leaving The Red Spy Gang writhing on the floor and leaving Orbit Boy in ever more dire straits. Gravity Man clods over to the chair on which Anti-Gravity Man sits.

    This demands a movie treatment.

    As usual, nice work CPRM!

    • R.J.

      Absolutely!
      When is Orbit Boy going to be an orbiting desiccated corpse?

      • Fourscore

        I worry that Margo will blow Peerless’s cover. Thanks, CPRM

      • whahappan

        Not just his cover IFYKWIMAITYD!

    • R.J.

      Hmmm… still not in crazy territory.

    • Don escaped Texas

      formerly unprincipled position replaced by……………?

    • MikeS

      He makes a good argument.

      Vivek Ramaswamy
      @VivekGRamaswamy

      Had dinner with @JakePaul on Sunday. He changed my mind and convinced me to join TikTok. Yes, kids under age 16 shouldn’t be using it, but the fact is that many young voters are & we’re not going to change this country without winning. We can’t just talk about the importance of the GOP “reaching young voters” while hiding in our own echo chambers. It’s bad when the CCP collects data from U.S. users via TikTok, but the truth is it’s no better when “American” companies like Airbnb do the same thing by handing over U.S. user data to China, and we’re not going to get China to play by the same set of rules until we win this thing. I’ll be on there starting later today.

      • R.J.

        Yes. Doesn’t qualify for crazy yet. Although I suppose we as a group will decide when he’s crazy at some point.

      • MikeS

        I’m with you and TOK. Let’s keep hearing what he has to say.

        Also, let’s not perfect be the enemy of good-enough.

      • R.J.

        True. If Vivek starts saying spacemen control Biden and he sets off fireworks during a debate I’d say Tundra won. Or if he ever says “China is our friend that can be trusted.”

      • Robonerfherder

        Spacemen do control Biden.

        I thought this was well known.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        “Paging Dr. Spaceman! Dr Spaceman to the white curtesy phone!”

      • R.J.

        Those are lizard people. Native to this planet.

      • rhywun

        He’s a little more corporate-friendly than I would like BUT he’s 1000x better than any of the Democrats on offer including RJJr.

      • Don escaped Texas

        crazy?

        it’s enough that he is unashamed of several autocratic impulses; I’ll dig them out or wait for new lapses

        he’s educated, but it’s all populist tripe and big-dick energy

        what’s needed is someone whose positions are consistent because they’re built on principles; he’s not that guy; none of them are

      • R.J.

        Of course not! He’s a politician. In a perfect world we could ignore all of them. We should only elect people who don’t want to be president. Anyone who seriously wants the job should be locked in a rubber room as a danger to society.

      • R.J.

        It should be like jury duty, with everyone trying to give an excuse to get out of it.

        “I got a job! I gotta work 60 hours a week to support my kids! I can’t be president!”

        “Sorry Jocko, you drew the short straw. Report to presidential room A for your instructions. Have a good 4 years.”

        “FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU….”

      • rhywun

        This. I would vote for Random Drunken Asshole over any of these clowns.

      • R.J.

        Yep. Larry the shop foreman, makes drill bits for drilling holes to blast granite. He’s pissed because he’s president. You go Larry. Your job will still be there when you get back. By the way, here’s your $5 a week salary.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        As said above, lets not let the perfect be the enemy of the good. We aren’t moving the needle on Liberty as we spend all day finding anything annoying as autocratic, and, meanwhile, we are losing rights by the handful

        Fuck Holier-than-thou-libertarianism.

      • MikeS

        Hear-hear!

      • Sean

        Fuck him.
        Fuck China.
        Fuck Brandon.

      • Chafed

        Maybe you should be our president.

    • Tundra

      No homo?

    • Sean

      I hope those burgers are getting some sliced cheese added to melt on top.

      And don’t over cook that chicken. (See the latest Tacoma FD)

      • rhywun

        Tacoma FD

        Dammit I need to catch up. I’m like 2 1/2 years behind.

      • Sean

        Dude.

        It’s one of the best things on tv.

      • Robonerfherder

        Is TV still a thing?

      • MikeS

        Chicken is the last thing left. They’re at ~150 right now

      • Tundra

        Light or dark?

        Cook the dark to at least 175. White at 160

      • MikeS

        White. All breast. Giggity.

        While I do go to the recommended temps (for now), I read an interesting bit from a master griller. He made the point that smoked food doesn’t need to get to 160 because it’s been hot for so long. Above 140* for a certain amount of time is what matters. The magic internal temp numbers we learn are the virtual absolute safe temps to hit…something easy to remember and sure to kill all the bad stuff. But in reality, we are likely safe 10-20* lower if you’re cooking slow and low.

        *probably not the exact correct numbers…ballpark.

      • MikeS

        Excellent. Thanks. I’ve been meaning to look into this more.

      • Tundra

        Yep, but dark meat still needs more. I usually go to 175 to 185.

      • slumbrew

        Correct – not a safety thing, but you want the extra connective tissue they have to break down more. 180° is my goal for thighs.

      • MikeS

        Yeah. When I do country style ribs they go up to 200.

      • slumbrew

        Knocking me out with those American…

      • MikeS

        No cheese…yet. It’s all destined for the fridge for campfire-side meals this weekend.

      • whahappan

        Late on the reply, but why wouldn’t you cook on, you know, the campfire?

      • MikeS

        A. For the flavor from the smoking.
        2. Convenience. Warm it up and eat. And the chicken will get eaten cold as sandwich meat.
        iii. Don’t you dare question my TRUTH!!11

      • whahappan

        How dare you make a reasoned and coherent reply!!!

      • CPRM

        commenting on the site but no zooms?

      • MikeS

        Busted!

      • whahappan

        I was there, nobody else was.

      • CPRM

        I’ve been on since 7:30 CT.

      • whahappan

        which link?

    • rhywun

      That is a lot of meat.

      I could wrap my mouth around one of those burgers.

      • PutridMeat

        Looks at time stamp…

        A slow hanging curve ball like that and no-one has taken a swing yet?

        I am disappoint.

      • slumbrew

        It was too easy.

      • rhywun

        Chef’s kiss for the Gary Oldman quote that got a lot of play in my circle.

    • R.J.

      Yummy. I slow cooked some drumsticks yesterday. Had them last night and for lunch. I love chicken drumsticks.

      • rhywun

        I always pick the drumsticks out of a basket of wings. I am sure I’m not alone in this.

    • Fourscore

      Lunch for your trip east, it looks like

      • MikeS

        Exaclty!

      • rhywun

        Aww man. I want one of those burgers. But I’m packing for a move Monday.

      • MikeS

        Smoked burgers are another level. Damn good.

  5. hayeksplosives

    Oof!! What a day. Work day, that is. I hope to join some of you critters on Zoom later tonight.

    • rhywun

      Ugh work was shit today. One thing after another. I wanted to slide my way towards my vacay but no… stuff needed doing I can’t even.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Preach it. Started at 6am, got in my room at 8pm. Hotel jacuzzi is lukewarm not hot. 😖 should hav brought beet down but wasn’t cold yet.

  6. Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

    Wife goes to the dentist office. Now they check your blood pressure, and my wife, who hates the dentist at the best of times and has a thing about people being that close to her mouth, is freaking out a bit and her BP goes shooting up, not to mention that the dental assistants don’t really know the ins and outs of a BP test and use a rather crappy rig for it. So, because they read it as super high, they not only can’t clean her teeth, but that she has to go to urgent care. Well, urgent care wont do anything, and send her to the ER. Who take her BP and it is a little high but nothing to worry about (a woman in perimenopause, shocking) and the whole thing has been a waste of time, and it is probably going to cost me a couple grand.

    Son of a bitch.

    • slumbrew

      WTF? Since when are dentists taking BP?

      white coat hypertension is a thing.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Exactly. When she called to tell me what was going on, you could tell how irritated this whole thing made her, but her father had a quad bypass at the age she is at now, so…

      • Tundra

        It is for me. My ex doc was being a dick about it so the next time I went in I brought a month of readings.

        They are drug pushers.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        NMA, nice. I love vid’s where everyone is just dancing and moving their asses off.

      • rhywun

        Heh I almost chose an album version but they’re pretty good live.

        One of my very early favorite post-punk bands. The HS radio station played them.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Mine has been doing it for several years now. Lately they’ve been measuring a couple times because they don’t believe my resting heart rate is about 48.

      • slumbrew

        Dang, checkout Mr. Awesome Cardiovascular Health here.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s all that biking.

      • Mojeaux

        At my last encounter, all the nurses were going apeshit over my bp. I’m sitting there screaming I’m not gonna take a statin. “I’m stressed, in pain, and almost always angry!” and the Doc says, “Maybe you should cut down on all the stimulants you’re taking.”

        Oh. That would explain it.

      • Rat on a train

        I need pseudoephedrine to get through some days.

      • Rat on a train

        Every time I go in they have to recheck a couple times after waiting for my blood pressure to drop to normal.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Eye doc was doing that shit too. Can’t just do an eye exam and write a glasses script. I miss the eye doc i had for 40 years. Would even listen to me and not dilate unless it was absolutely necessary.

  7. slumbrew

    Was the excellent FIRE video linked to yet?

    Because it is, indeed, excellent.

      • kinnath

        thanks

      • MikeS

        Perfect

      • Chafed

        Great video. It reminds why I believe, on the field, athletes should shut up and dribble.

    • mikey

      Yes, yes it is.

    • rhywun

      OK, that was LOL.

    • Bob Boberson

      So “zero tolerance” policies for violence lead to kids feeling powerless and hopeless and punish the victim more than the bully?

      What is it we always say about foreseeable consequences?

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’, Beau. And I thought Clydesdales only pulled Budweiser wagons. I learn something new every day.

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’

      there’s only 103 days left until Christmas!

      But how many shopping days?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I hate the extended commercialization of the holiday$ we see now. They put out the Halloween stuff in the local bigboxes at the beginning of August for god’s sake.

  8. Rat on a train

    CSU Board of Trustees approves 6% annual tuition hikes over next 5 years

    CSU officials have repeatedly defended the five-year tuition increase proposal as an unfortunate, but necessary, action to pay for a nearly $1.5 billion funding gap.

    About 60% of the CSU’s operating budget is funded by the state, while the remaining 40% comes from tuition revenue

    The CSU also needs the extra money to remain in compliance with federal and state mandates, including about $18.7 million to institute Title IX regulations, another $5.8 billion to upgrade decades-old campus facilities that have fallen into despair because of deferred maintenance, and another up to $1 billion for employee raises.

    The tuition increase is expected to generate about $860 million over its first five years.

    • Grosspatzer

      So, an extra $860mm to deal with a $7 billion shortfall?

  9. Lackadaisical

    Yo man, fucking cops and cop suckers.

    https://youtu.be/OvPJGW1yqkw?si=hKX3NEIRkctWfkYU&t=160

    This guy comes to the door ’cause he hears a commotion outside, sees the cops, clearly puts his hands up, next thing you know they tase him for absolutely nothing.

    All the comments: Wow, after they tased him the cops were really nice to him, what great law enforcement officers we have who deal with citizens so fairly!

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’. That was pretty fucked up. Also, that woman is way over in the bottom left corner of the crazy/hot matrix (batshit crazy, not hot).

  10. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • UnCivilServant

      1 – Change the climate
      2 – be manmade
      3 – increase freedom

      • Grosspatzer

        4 – Profit!

    • WTF

      We clearly need to declare a climate emergency and suspend the constitution!

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t be silly, we declare a constitutional emergency and suspend the climate.

      • Rat on a train

        When will Democrats stop tolerating the extremist Republican obstruction and pass “Law to Remedy the Distress of People and State”?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Mama-mia! Fire ants do suck, no doubt.

    • R.J.

      If you know there are 100 fire ant beds, why not destroy them?

      • UnCivilServant

        They’re an Endangered Species in Italy!

        You can’t kill them!

      • R.J.

        I didn’t think of that. Also a 6 million dollar study must be undertaken to determine environmental impacts.

      • rhywun

        We can rebuild them. Make them better, faster, stronger.

  11. Not Adahn

    My computer died 🙁

    I’ll take the laptop to a repair shop, but just shelled out too much money for a new desktop. I usually get a decade or more out of them, but still the amortized cost is pretty high.

      • Not Adahn

        CPU: Intel(R) Core™ Processor i9-13900K 8P/16 + 16E 3.00GHz [Turbo 5.7GHz] 36MB Cache LGA1700 [-20]
        CS_FAN: Default case fans
        DDS: None
        FAN: CyberpowerPC MasterLiquid Lite 240mm ARGB CPU Liquid Cooler with Dual Chamber Pump & Copper Cold Plate (Intel)
        HDD: 2TB WD Blue SN580 Series (PCIe Gen4) NVMe M.2 SSD – Seq R/W: Up to 4150/4150 MB/s, Rnd R/W up to 600/750k (Single Drive)
        HDD2: 4TB (4TBx1) SATA-III 6.0Gb/s 256MB Cache 5400RPM HDD (Single Drive)
        KEYBOARD: Cooler Master SK622 Wired/Wireless 60% Gunmetal Mechanical Gaming Keyboard with Low Profile [+23] (Brown Switches)
        MEMORY: 32GB (16GBx2) DDR5/6000MHz Dual Channel Memory (Team T-FORCE DELTA RGB)
        MICROPHONE: None
        MONITOR: 28″ ASUS TUF Gaming VG289Q – 28inch 4K HDR (3840×2160), 5ms, IPS, Adaptive-Sync, FreeSync™, HDR 10 Gaming Monitor [+339] (Single Monitor)
        MOPAD: None
        MOTHERBOARD: ASUS PRIME Z790-P WIFI D5 DDR5 ATX w/ Wi-Fi, 2.5GbT LAN, (4)PCIe x16,(1)PCIe x1, (3)M.2, (4)SATA
        VIDEO: AMD Radeon™ RX 7900 GRE 16GB GDDR6 Video Card [+15] (Single Card)

      • Not Adahn

        So, what do I need to do re: the liquid cooling?

      • UnCivilServant

        Never done liquid cooling, always worried about mildew and short circuiting.

      • SDF-7

        Nothing — they tend to be contained units these days — the coolant will go to a radiator/fan bank mounted on the chassis is all.

        Worst case, if you see temps start to creep up over the next several months / years you may have to change it out due to crud in the pump (there was a whole slew of problems with some of the models last year, I think), but otherwise just consider it a single unit cooler.

    • Grosspatzer

      Laptop died? Hope the desktop is still viable.

      • Not Adahn

        Desktop died earlier.

      • R.J.

        Are you talking to us via mind power?

      • Sean

        Probably. His internet might be down too.

    • R.J.

      And good morning. Woke up, did dishes, now doing 1 on 1s all morning.