As the days get shorter, the air gets crisper, and most of the road cycling races have finished, the cyclists’ racing calendar turns to cyclocross. The Book of Knowledge (Wikipedia) describes cyclocross as “a form of bicycle racing. Races consist of many laps of a short (2.5–3.5 km or 1.5–2 mile) course featuring pavement, wooded trails, grass, steep hills and obstacles requiring the rider to quickly dismount, carry the bike while navigating the obstruction and remount.” Cyclocross is huge in Belgium, where it’s probably their second favorite sport after buggery.
The local bike club was sponsoring the first race of the season at a local Boy Scout camp (speaking of buggery), so I thought I’d sign up (minus the aforementioned buggery). My expectations weren’t high. I’ve never really raced my bike before, though I’ve done the Rock Cobbler, which has been described as the longest cyclocross race in the world. Really, I’m just out to have fun, which is just another way of saying I’m not very fast. (It’s kind of the cycling equivalent of saying, “She has a really great personality.”)
There are three categories based on skill level, A, B, and C. Unfortunately for me there were no D or F levels. I signed up for Men’s C level, as I doubt identifying as a woman would improve my results. I’m not fast uphill, I’m not brave downhill, and my bike handling skills are suspect, so I fully expected to be DFL and perhaps even be pulled from the race in the event that someone lapped me or the time limit expired. Luckily, ours was the first race of the day and was expected to last only 30 minutes, so at worst my misery wouldn’t last long and there would be few witnesses.
In the weeks leading up to the race I tailored my rides to include more dirt paths, singletrack, sandpits, and trespasses through vineyards. I even did a few circuits at the local BMX park, though I’d only use the BMX park if there were no kids around. I didn’t want anyone to think I was Belgian after all. I also practiced my mounting and dismounting skills to save seconds on the course, which resulted in a squashed nut. I wonder if older guys with saggy balls are more at risk. You’d think the tight pants would hold them in place, but sometimes they just have a mind of their own and get into all kinds of trouble. Whatever the case may be, Lance Armstrong proved that nuts are overrated in cycling, though I must say there is a vas deferens between us.
How to crush your nuts
My race started at 9 AM and the venue was about an hour away. I wanted to get there in time to pre-ride the course, so I woke up bright and early and masticated, caffeinated, and defecated before packing my bike and gear into my car and hitting the road. Upon arrival I put my bike together, got my number and headed out to pre-ride the course. It was an uphill start that narrowed to single file after a right turn. There would be a mad rush to get to this choke point first. The course was then supposed to head down through the archery range for a maze of turns minus the slings and arrows, but that section was removed because some pre-riders discovered a wasp nest the hard way. Instead, another right turn led us to a long but not steep uphill culminating in some steps that required a dismount and a remount on a platform covered with pea gravel. A sharp right turn took us down a short steep grade and back up another steep climb requiring a dismount due to the sharp turns. After dismounting there was a loose off-camber section where it was hard to remount without the rear wheel sliding out, so I decided I’d run this section. From here the course descended through a zig zag section through a manzanita forest before exiting out onto a dirt road. The course then veered up the left bank of the road before a sharp right turn across the road and down a 15% zig zag on loose dirt requiring unclipping one foot from the pedals to maintain balance. A sharp right turn led us over two logs. The first was rideable, but the second required a dismount for most riders. A couple more turns and descents and climbs led us back to the start. Each lap was about 1.5 miles with 200 feet of climbing, and the race would have four laps.
Course map
Prior to the start there was the usual dick measuring, but it was rather subdued. It was the C group after all. From the gun the leaders fought for position to get through the choke points leading to uphill while others found their pace. Mine was slow as I didn’t want to blow up. Dismounts and remounts were a particular problem for me. It’s one thing to practice them on a smooth road. It’s another when doing it on a soft, uneven surface followed by a sharp turn, and I lost at least 15 seconds on each dismount. The manzanita forest was disorienting for some reason. Maybe it the ever changing light. Maybe it was the wavy lines formed by the trees, which made it feel like I was going through a van Gogh painting. Maybe it was my old man’s eyesight having a hard time following the yellow tape that marked the course. Or maybe it was tough to concentrate when your heart rate is pushing 180. Perhaps it was all of the above.
Manzanita Mayhem
On my third lap I misjudged the line up the left bank of the road and took a spill. Nothing broken, just a few scratches and a little blood. No need to rub dirt on the wound. It was already there. Nothing to do but remount and move on. Shortly thereafter on the steep and deep I was lapped by leaders. Passing through the finish the race official held up a card with an X. What does that mean? Last lap? They are yanking me? They want me to post a Tweet? Beats me. I just kept going. I’m going to finish all the laps I signed up for.
After a few days the results were finally posted online. The good news is that I wasn’t DFL, but it turns out I was indeed pulled from the race after the third lap because I had been lapped. Now I know what the X means. The winner was one of the riders who discovered the wasp nest and had been stung three times, so maybe he gained some superpowers.
The end is near.
If I do it again, there are a number of things I would do differently. I would get younger as I was probably the oldest guy in the field. I would consume more caffeine and sugar for more energy. I would do another lap during the pre-ride to be more familiar with the course and to practice the tougher parts. I would change my pedals for ones that have clips on both sides to make it easier to clip in when remounting and knobbier tires to improve cornering. But it’s a poor craftsman who blames his tools. What I really need to do is improve my skills. I need to push my pace even if it means suffering a little. It’s only 30 minutes. I need to learn to dismount and remount without losing speed and without crushing a nut. I also need to get better at cornering in the loose stuff even though that means pushing the limits and falling, which I don’t like.
So, will I do it again? The course was fun, and I enjoyed the challenge, but I probably won’t travel to other cyclocross races in the Bay Area just to get beaten down in a 30 minute race. I might do this particular event next year since it is in my backyard, but mostly I’ll probably stick to the kinds of rides that are still a challenge but less racy and with a great personality.
Screengrabs stolen from the highlights video filmed by another rider.
I expected more wildlife than Wasps.
You have those clip on shoes and pedals? I hate those things. They must add an extra degree of difficulty dismounting and remounting.
I have clipless pedals, which counterintuitively means I have cleats on the shoes that clip into the pedals.
Me too. And like bindings on skis, it takes some adjustment. I still have a scar on my knee where I fell over at a stop, and didnt get my foot out.
Of course traffic was busy, and lots of people got to look at a dumbass frantically trying to get a foot loose…..
Kick off your Sunday shoes.
Look, if you’re out there representing us Glibs, we’re gonna need you to do better.
If you don’t sabotage anyone about to lap you, you’re doing last place wrong. Break out the caltrops.
Indeed. Sticks in wheels, at least. Sasquatch leaping out from behind bushes would be preferred.
Illustrated: https://youtu.be/VTZ0N7VTDtY?si=ZYDc_0YxlpbCryJJ&t=104
Rubbin’ is racin’.
No, I am pretty sure Rubbin’ is Jerkin’
Just so you finish, amirite?
I read that DFL and thought it meant he had to register to vote in Minnesoda.
Maybe if I can get that coveted Glibs sponsorship I can spend more time training.
So for the cap for the Glib kit, do you go with the Hat or a monocle on the bill?
“Balls of Fury”
Is there not a bullpen you can wear to prevent such terrible injuries? I get not wearing a hard cup, but surely there is some kind of modern codpiece.
“This is how you crush your nuts”
Yeah….bicycle seats. The only people that actually like them are young women. For everyone else they are like Judas’ cradle.
” Judas’ cradle.”
I had not heard of that specific device. Thank you very much for putting that in my subconscious.
The seats are ok if you have the right one. I like the ones that have the perineal cutout. The problem is jumping on the seat. The trick is to land with your thigh, not your nuts.
When I was younger and foolisher I used to mountain bike with my cousin, who was a much better rider than I.
The picture on the homepage resembles me crashing and eating dirt. I might or might not have left some human sized dents in the Boise foothills.
Rhy from the dedthred: And yet the left does not learn anything from this.
The left doesn’t ever learn because that would entail reality-testing their beautiful vision of the future; and let’s face it – it will never measure up even if it was wildly successful (like improving even half the lives that are targeted). At best the cup would be half-full, and that would be a dreadful disappointment to the utopian mind. They cannot learn anymore than anyone can be taught to give up the religion they believe in. It’s exactly the same thing. You might get someone to not spread their religion at the point of a gun (*cough* Islam *cough*, and *cough* evangelizing Christianity *cough*) but that’s about as far as you’ll get.
it turns out I was indeed pulled from the race after the third lap because I had been lapped.
It’s supposed to be an obstacle course, isn’t it? That just makes you one of the obstacles.
Haha!
Great story and well done on the race. As I am usually the oldest guy on the ice, I tip my hat to anyone that keeps competing well past the point of reason!
I tip my hat to anyone that keeps competing well past the point of reason!
🎩
Hat tipped to the both of you. I am too old for this shit.
Serious journalism, for serious people
Probably never since the Civil War has America faced an internal threat like a second Trump term in the White House. This time around, Trump would be surrounded by aides who know how to wield the levers of power—and would have no compunction about bludgeoning career federal employees, law enforcement agencies like the FBI, and the media. To update a famous line from Karl Marx, a first Trump administration was a farce, but a second would be a tragedy.
Those are the stakes if Trump is indeed the GOP nominee or if another candidate like bully-boy Florida Governor Ron DeSantis snags the brass ring. That is also the rationale for rallying around Biden—despite his age, his lack of charisma, and the debilitating political consequences of inflation. It is truly a question of Biden versus the abyss.
!!!!!!
There is no such thing as a Deep State, but they sure rope-a-doped Trump and his mugs last time. Unfortunately, the MAGA mob learned their lesson, and can be expected to modify their tactics. It’s a risk we cannot afford to take. Trump must be kept out of the White House by any means necessary.
“…would have no compunction about bludgeoning career federal employees, law enforcement agencies like the FBI, and the media”
Stop! I can only get so hard.
Sadist. Just fire the bastards. Better yet, dismantle the agencies altogether. I know it’s a pipe dream, but I am smoking a pipe right now, what did you expect?
You’re too soft on these traitors. The DC mall should be lined with gibbets containing their headless corpses.
Headless corpse?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wRWCK9zGynA
“Just fire the bastards”
Like this?
https://www.strangehistory.net/2015/05/05/execution-by-cannon/
If someone honestly believed Trump was an existential threat, what kind of asshole would they be if they had the opportunity to cheat an election and didn’t? It’s like having a time machine but not killing baby Hitler.
Justification for just about anything, up to and including killing the man.
https://www.tor.com/2011/08/31/wikihistory/
Are you trying to get on SilverFox316’s bad side?
It was ‘first as tragedy, then as farce,’ you hapless muppet. Fucking hell, you can’t even quote your heros properly…
He said he was updating it!!11
/tard
Not you, tardy P Brooks. The hapless muppet who wrote that article.
Probably never since the Civil War has America faced an internal threat like a second Trump term in the White House.
This is retarded. And the only internal threat in the “Civil War” was the US federal government.
and would have no compunction about bludgeoning career federal employees, law enforcement agencies like the FBI, and the media
I was already going to vote for him. You don’t have to sell it to me.
Here we go again. The guy is probably going to be elected and we will be subjected to another 4 years of leftist retarded horseshit. TDS. really is lunacy.
Cyclocross is huge in Belgium, where it’s probably their second favorite sport after buggery.
I thought that was drinking?
The course was then supposed to head down through the archery range for a maze of turns minus the slings and arrows,
Be cooler if they shot bows from the bikes.
I might do this particular event next year since it is in my backyard, but mostly I’ll probably stick to the kinds of rides that are still a challenge but less racy and with a great personality.
That sounds related to not sticking it in crazy.
I’m going OT as I have work meetings and non-work appointments most of the afternoon: Plot twist
The mother of Shani Louk, a 22-year-old German national believed to have been kidnapped by Hamas fighters during the militant group’s surprise attack on Israel on Saturday, said on Tuesday that her daughter is alive.
Louk, a tattoo artist, was attending the Tribe of Superova music festival in the plains of the Negev Desert near Urim, close to the Gaza Strip, on Saturday when Hamas fighters stormed the event. She’s believed to have been seized by the militants and paraded through the streets in the back of a pick-up.
“My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.”
drinking – neah the beer is awful and they don’t have the climate for wine
I wonder why she thinks she’s still alive?
And I thought she had been positively IDed from her tattoos. You know, while her stripped body was paraded in the back of a pickup. I don’t it’s really “believed to have been seized, etc.”, is it?
I would change my pedals for ones that have clips on both sides to make it easier to clip in when remounting
Just curious- could you put a counterweight on the pedal to keep the clips facing up?
No. Not enough movement arm for a counterweight to be effective, plus you don’t want to make your pedals any heavier.
The pedals I have are slightly off balance so the clip usually is face up, which is good enough for riding around town. Not reliable enough in a race where I was bouncing around.
Solicitation for printer recommendations from the Glibertariat.
Im shopping for a laser (mono or color depending on $$) all-in-one. I need a reasonably quick sheet-fed scanner.
Ideas?
Brother is cheap and works
Seconded. I’ve had good luck with them.
The only caveat is if you need it be sure to get the one that does double sided scanning without having to feed the thing twice.
It wasn’t a deal breaker for me, but if I had it to do over again I’d have gotten that one if the price difference wasn’t that much more.
I have a brother HL-3170.
Decent for office functions, color mediocre. Supplies are expensive. Generic toner doesn’t always work and is inferior in color.
Needing replacement belt, fuser etc I went with buy a new printer.
Got an epson Ecco tank model.
Really good. Doesn’t waste ink like the older office ink jet I had. Ink is relatively cheap (only when compared to regular ink jet) and lasts a long while.
They make some good duplexing doc feeder models for the office.
I have owned a series of Brother laser printers over the last 20 years. They just plain work.
Dell e525w works well with aftermarket toners, it’s color, and can run wireless. Also scans with a paper feeder. I got mine for $350 a while back. Look for them surplus.
Idea.
In my defense, you said ‘idea’, not ‘good idea’.
+1 Gutenberg
One drunken idea that paid off.
I’ve been using a Color LaserJet MFP M476dw for nigh unto a decade now, I think… it has been solid and works well.
But it has been a decade – and I don’t know if HP’s gone to complete crap, sorry. Historically their business stuff has been solid – and the MFP initial costs are barely above the toner refills.
“But both sides…”
Hamas terrorists massacred at least 40 babies and young children before beheading some of them and gunning down their families in a small kibbutz in Israel, horrified Israeli soldiers have claimed.
Some 70 Hamas terrorists wielding guns and grenades stormed the usually quiet Kfar Aza kibbutz in southern Israel, killing anyone – men, women and children – they saw.
The bullet-riddled bodies of Israeli residents now lay in the grounds of the kibbutz among burned out houses, strewn furniture and torched cars. Solemn Israeli soldiers today went from house to house to take away the scores of people massacred there.
Outside the destroyed homes, the soldiers told i24News correspondent Nicole Zedek how they saw the bodies of babies next to their cots, their heads chopped off, in a sign of the depraved acts committed by the terrorists since they attacked Israel on Saturday.
Shades of babies in incubators
Just because you might agree with a side, doesn’t mean your aren’t being propagandized. And the fog of war is a real thing.
Yeah, with all the video, I am discounting stories that sound over the top but lack backup. Cell phones are ubiquitous.
There’s plenty of videos and direct evidence of atrocities, no need to muddy the water. But that’s just human nature I guess.
Who wants to watch that? Jeebus. I have seen all that with my own eyes, I dont need to watch it on tv or video.
Cyto – Nothing is over the top. People have a tendency to not believe stuff like that because, c’mon, no one can be that evil.
Guess what, they can and do. They always have. What we are hearing now is a retelling of a story as old as time.
Yep.
So fucking tedious.
Hamas terrorists executing people in a bomb shelter
Hard to tell but they did throw a grenade or two through the door. One guy made a run for it. I don’t think he outran the bullets though…
Speaking of bicycle seats- I had (until it disintegrated) an extremely comfy lambswool seat cover on my mountain bike. Very nice.
Would you say it wasnt……baaaaad?
Men’s C level
keep kicking at whatever you can do
Last year I played in my first local amateur golf event and just blew up, but I finished in the middle of the pack and thought I’d make it an annual event.
This year in the month coming up to it, I was playing the best golf of my life including recording my two best rounds ever, but, again, I just blew up in the tournament and finished in the middle of the pack about ten positions better. I like the idea of moving up; maybe next year I can play the rounds with just one swing path and see what happens.
Adrenalin is evil.
I’ve not followed Honda’s entry into EVs very closely. They have a city car they sell in Europe and Japan that is an original design. It’s really interesting and good looking in a retro way, but efficiency wise it’s awful. It’s not designed or equipped to deal with most usage in the US and not sold here.
I assumed they had to have something in the works given the politics. I was wrong. They’ve decided to re-skin a Chevy and use a good chunk of it’s interior as well, The thinking is that most Gen 1 EVs are going to be a learning experience. However, I think this just puts them further behind Tesla, GM, Kia and the multiple Chinese manufacturers.
https://www.motortrend.com/news/2024-honda-prologue-chevrolet-blazer-ev-suv-ultium-development/
Gen 1 EV from Solectria.
https://youtu.be/IG7f8pdEHm0?si=KX1m4fiuuGfG4w4D
The plug-in Clarity hybrid seems to have disappeared.
My son is buying a new Ridgeline. Honda dealer is selling them under MSRP and giving a $1500 rebate. Toyota is at MSRP. Ford is marking everything up over sticker by thousands. I had some rude words for the Ford dealership when they called with a price.
It’s a great truck for urban and general use. I really liked it and my son says the same.
It’s just not body on frame – so if I was maxing out the bed every day at the gravel yard I’d choose something different.
Yep. He isn’t hauling anything heavier than a surfboard on a regular basis. I’m probably buying one early next year.
Also having owned multiple Fords I’m done with them and their quality issues.
https://www.thedrive.com/news/feds-expand-investigation-into-catastrophic-ford-suv-engine-failures
GF’s 2018 Escape needed a new motor at 20K.
Ah, the piña colada car.
Ford has always done that. I will have nothing to do with them because of their crappy dealership practices. That type of behavior comes from the top. It’s not just one crummy dealership.
It’s really stupid. I trust the Honda (made in Alabama) more than Ford vehicles. No way am I playing their mark-up games.
The only thing they will be behind on is losing money. Better to follow the crowd right now.
Remember, it’s not important that YOU have failures, it’s important you learn from OTHER people’s failures.
I’ll take Preposterous Hogwash for $100
They say home is where the heart is, but as the effects of our rapidly overheating planet continue to worsen, home may soon be where climate disasters are not. A new survey conducted by Zillow serves as evidence.
In recent reporting by Bloomberg, it was revealed the Zillow survey — which polled nearly 12,000 prospective buyers between April and July 2023 — showed that more than four in five homebuyers in the United States are factoring in climate risks when they shop for a new house.
A whopping 83% of respondents said they considered at least one climate risk, with the highest concern being flood risk, followed by wildfires, extreme temperatures, hurricanes, and drought.
——-
While the effects of Earth’s heating may not be causing a large amount of climate migration currently, it is clearly causing concern. Further, extreme weather events will worsen as our planet continues to overheat, which could lead to climate migration at any moment.
Florida will just be a bad memory in a few tears. That’s why so many people are leaving.
I would consider hurricanes, floods, heat and fires too, but those have been around much longer than the hysteria about climate change.
I’d like to buy a house in location X. Oh, so and so area is located in a flood plain and a mortgager is going to mandate additional federal flood insurance. OK, is there another location that is close and meets my requirements that isn’t in a flood plain? OK – let’s look there.
By this style of reporting “climate change” has influenced my home purchase. Ditto for wildfire zones and the cost of insurance.
Through most of history, people have avoided building in a flood plain because insurance didn’t exist.
At least, they would only build there once.
No, ah…. I disagree with you there.
Poor people live in flood plains, rich people live on the top of the hill
I am higher up the hill than any other house in my development.
*hill inverts, water floods new pit*
That’s not how if works, man!
Or you see houses on stilts.
Eh, I disagree.
Throughout most history people didn’t know where exactly the flood plain would be. The obviously bad areas? Sure.
https://climatecheck.com/
Yeah, I bought a house with a low flood risk. That was kind of an important criteria.
I dont have to ask those fucktards. I already know.
I should put a 🙄 on the link
The article is from a site called The Cool Down, which I’m sure is a source of unbiased reporting. The people shown on their website all look like a bunch of no-nothing 30 year olds.
DAVE FINOCCHIO, Co-Founder, CEO. Most Excited About: Trying to eliminate everything from our house that pumps greenhouse gases into the atmosphere
You mean like you and your kids?
BEN STERN, Curation Manager. Most Excited About: I am READY to own an electric car and bike
You’re ready to own? Well why don’t you own one yet?
Can’t afford even a regular bike, let alone a real car, and certainly not an electric.
Probably doesn’t have a driver’s license.
Honestly, I’ve had my fill of preposterous hogwash for the day. I’m going to eat a Reuben and read a book. One with pictures.
Yes! And Texas has too many scary tornadoes. So stay the F away, pansies!
How about waterspouts?
Great story. I was at Baylor university when a huge tornado hit, and ran across the lake. It turned into a massive waterspout and sucked up frogs and fish, which then rained down biblically upon my old workvan and the housing complex. It stank for a week.
You should try wearing all silk once see how it goes.
Like this?
Raw silk is not bad. But I actually prefer linen.
Leather is better
and Lace
French Tacos – You Suck at Cooking (episode 157)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz7gGD0ws4c
Funny stuff. Also, that is not a Mexican taco. That’s TexMex, a different animal altogether.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb200SGv6-o
Mexicans get a lot of things wrong but food is not one of them.
I’m not clicking that link, I know a French Taco is something from the urban dictionary.
YSAC is in fact a cooking video and french tacos are in fact a weird burito thing with fries in it
A grilled version of this:
https://hildaskitchenblog.com/recipe/california-burrito-recipe/
Putting fries on things is our deal!
As an example, the Polish boy, and of course the local chain Panini’s. Where the overstuffed sandwiches have fries and slaw on them.
I’ve had that. I like slaw on a sandwich a lot. Fries are getting tough to eat as I get older. So bloating.
https://twitter.com/ragipsoylu/status/1711781071535092177
Whoopsie
Nuke the middle east. Turn the desert to glass. Incrrase albedo. Reduce global temps. Profit.
With a friend like the USG who needs enemies?
Eh, Turkey can eat a bag of dicks too.
Maybe everyone could withdraw from Syria and not start another war there.
“masticated, caffeinated, and defecated before packing”
The last step is vital before the buggery commences.
This is interesting, I’ve never heard of it. Mrs. TOK does Spartan and other obstacle course races, sounds like this is the bike version. In two weekends she’s going to Dallas to do a 31 mile Spartan.
“I would get younger as I was probably the oldest guy in the field.”
Amen brother. Besides our goalie, I think I’m the second oldest on our team. I’m routinely playing against kids 1/3 my age. I can keep up, but I’m sure it takes me a lot longer to recover. Those multiple-game per day tournaments can be tough.
This might be a good listen for you and the missus.
Bookmarked. Thanks!
No good deed…
A gun store employee accused of shooting an unarmed man in the back while he ran out in June 2022 in SW Houston has been charged with murder, according to charging documents.
Mark Winger is accused of shooting and killing Terry Evans Jr., who was accused of shoplifting from Carter’s Country store on South Wilcrest.
Shooting someone in the back may be considered bad form, but if you don’t want to be ventilated, don’t steal.
Great stuff, Jaime. Nice write-up – your best one yet, I think.
Also having owned multiple Fords I’m done with them and their quality issues.
The heads fall off the intake valves? Genius!
This week’s I Do Cars was a Ford Ecoboost V6. The water pump is inside the front cover, so when it fails, it pushes the coolant directly into the oil. The bearings did not look good. Awesome.
I haven’t owned an American nameplate vehicle in almost 20 years. I will never go back.
24 straight years of VW/Audi, and then i got a wild hair about a Jeep product. *shrug*
I also went to MOPAR after Hondas and Toyotas. I have been pleased.