The Hat and The Hair: Classic: Halloween Special

by | Oct 25, 2023 | Hat and Hair | 99 comments

For the benefit of the children of the Glibs Breeding Project (GBP) I have decided to replace the Lame Stream Media Holiday Specials with good clean Hat and the Hair episodes! Fuck off Charlie Brown! ‘It’s their time up there, it’s our time down here’!

I, now, in a poor Vincent Price impersonation, introduce the re-run Glibertarian Halloween Holiday Special!

About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

99 Comments

  1. Derpetologist

    As I read SF’s story, I couldn’t help but think of a Simpsons moment. Grandpa Simpson is freaking out, and Dr. Nick is summoned. From memory:

    Grandpa Simpson: I’m discombobulated! I got ants in my pants!

    Dr Nick: Calm down, sir, or you’re going to give yourself skin failure. Now, what you have is bonos erruptos. It’s a terrible disorder where the skeleton tries to leap on the mouth an escape the body.

    Grandpa Simpson: Now you’re talking!

    Dr Nick: Our only hope is…trans-dental electromicide! [he splices a nearby power cord and uses the wires to shock Grandpa Simpson’s mouth]

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqbQzmHOLP8

  2. Ownbestenemy

    So great. Thanks, CPRM. 10 minutes of the Hat is forever more.

    Now..this is a screencap from the Marine commercial that has popped up on my YT feed. Seems..like troops operating within American classrooms or maybe an embassy, but the imagery and words “ready to do their nation’s bidding” seem questionable…

    • Gustave Lytton

      The local Marine recruiter office has prominent “No weapons allowed” sign on the front door.

      • milo

        Please tell me you are kidding.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No. Pretty sure it’s a federal property thing. My most charitable denial is that they just don’t want to get some gung ho new recruit saddled with a felony before he ships.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m going with “The DoD doesn’t trust marines or the people inclined to become marines with weapons”

    • Pope Jimbo

      Wait until the heroic pic of the Marines hoisting a hand sanitizer in the hall of a school outside the barricaded door of a school during an active shooting. Can’t expect the local cops to handle such trauma.

  3. Sean

    So
    Damn
    Good

    • juris imprudent

      Author! Author!!, er uh, Animator! Animator!!

  4. Old Man With Candy

    I thought, “He can’t keep this going for 9 minutes!” I was wrong. Holy shit, that’s a remarkable effort! And underwritten by a potato, yet.

    • CPRM

      That Theatre Minor finally paid off! Worthless degree my ass.

      • hayeksplosives

        LOL!

        I loved it.

        All the poetry interspersed with the occasional “I didn’t fucking hear you!”

        “What the fucks are you dicks doing?!?”

        “Fuck you! That was a lot of fuckin’ words to plagerize! Biden wishes he was that good!”

        I’m laugh-crying over here.

  5. Fourscore

    I broke it in to 2 parts, watch part 2 soon. Good show, CPRM.

  6. westernsloper

    Holy shit……..my attention span is not this long for poetry.

    • Old Man With Candy

      What rhymes with “Hot Pockets?”

      • rhywun

        Snot rockets?

      • CPRM

        Court Dockets

      • milo

        Lock Sprockets.

      • milo

        Sprockets. Now that I think about it…I really don’t know what one is.
        Is it a gear?

      • milo

        Just looked it up. I always called the sprocket on a bicycle a gear.
        I learned today.

      • slumbrew

        Technically correct is the best kind of correct.

      • slumbrew

        A toothed wheel that engages with a chain, like on a bicycle.

      • milo

        Did you call it a sprocket as a kid? I never did. It was a bicycle gear.

      • milo

        10 gear bicycle. I had one.

      • rhywun

        I didn’t have a word for that object when I was a kid.

        “Gear” was the same concept as in a car’s transmission.

      • pistoffnick

        10 gear bicycle. I had one.

        Psshaw! 12 speed here. I bought it with recycled aluminum cans money.

        I once passed a car going down a rockcut on that 12 speed with blue tires.

      • slumbrew

        DE, I will always think of that when I read ‘sprockets’ until the end of my days.

      • slumbrew

        rhywun’s link was to the theme (although TIL it was sped up ~ 1.25x for the bit)

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too. On sprockets, we dance!

      • Chafed

        That’s what I was expecting.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I am disappointed that the name Spacely didn’t appear.

  7. whahappan

    Bravo sir, bravo!

  8. Sean

    Fucking Hamas, driving ammo prices back up.

  9. milo

    I just read that SF story. Holy crap.
    I am awed by his skill.

    • slumbrew

      I also just got time to read it.

      Creepy AF. Excellent job.

  10. Spudalicious

    Bravo! Superb!

    • hayeksplosives

      We are unworthy of the two pieces of literary talent to which we were exposed today.

      • milo

        That’s a statement I can get behind. Just finished CPRM’s piece. That was sublime.

  11. dbleagle

    Huzzah! That was outstanding. Take that Peanuts and stick it into your Great Pumpkin.

  12. milo

    Whoa. That Maine stuff is so surprising given that our borders are completely open.
    I know, I know. Let’s give it a few days to figure out what it is.
    I am going to make a completely impossible, bold prediction that it is going to happen again.
    Oh, who am I kidding? We will stop it.

    • rhywun

      Looks like whitey from the pics I’ve seen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Ownbestenemy

      white Subaru Outback

      Explains it all

      • milo

        He can still be a “Free Palestine” fan boi.
        Hell, he probably is. The last twenty years of history textbooks have been curated by CAIR and others of their ilk.
        Don’t blame him.
        I blame our supposed leaders. I’m afraid to say what i think.
        Can I blame them after all of this? Where does their guilt end and mine begin?
        Denethor from the Two Towers of The Lord of the Rings comes to mind.
        Is that what we want for our civilization? Running off the end of the world in flames?
        I am thinking our leadership wants something similar to this.
        Where is our Aragon?

    • Chafed

      A canuck went nuts?

    • Gustave Lytton

      My bold prediction is more calls for AR/standard capacity mag bans and red flags laws.

      • milo

        I sadly agree with you. They will keep pressing the gun control until it splits what was not ever supposed to be split.
        There is a reckoning building that will be the bloodiest we have ever known.
        At the risk of being Christian…this sure sounds like Revelations.
        I know. It has so many times before.
        Then again.
        Good luck.

      • CPRM

        I’m surprised The Bee hasn’t run a ‘story’ about Biden wanting to clear up the Israeli conflict with a ‘final showdown’ at Har Megiddo.

      • hayeksplosives

        Maybe Magog can mediate.

      • Chafed

        I’m sure you are right. I also think this is bad timing for the gun grabbers. People see these pro-Pali demonstrations and being armed seems like a good idea.

      • hayeksplosives

        It is also not lost on them that one kibbutz defended itself (to the extent possible) when a couple of women distributed guns to fellow Israelis against the Hamas terrorists.

        I imagine Israel will be rethinking the right to bear arms or at least to have them stored in one’s home.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Tin foil hat: this was instigated/allowed to happen because the public were seeing massive slaughter that can happen when the civilian population is disarmed, so need to have an event scare normies into begging Daddy Government to protect them from the crazies.

        I think between the MSM spin to present pro-Pali/Hamas rallies as “protests” and a general inclination to “it can’t happen here”, I don’t think most people feel threatened by such rallies. Hell, there were armed participants at a local rally and the pd deescalatedignored it. Did arrest the guy who used a paint ball gun after his truck was attacked.

  13. hayeksplosives

    Lewiston Maine.

    I know that town name only because years ago, Somali “refugees” were sent to scout out a safe community, not too big, too lefty to complain about an influx of refugees who didn’t want to assimilate, plenty of social services, that they could flag to other Somalis as the Place to Settle.

    And settle in Lewiston they did.

    I wonder if that led in any way to the nutso shooter losing his mind. Also would like to know what combination of mental health meds he was on and for how long.

    • one true athena

      Meds, no idea, but interesting I’ve seen word that he was on psychiatric hold for two weeks during the summer. That’s… a lot.

      So, of course, tinfoil hat has to wonder if this is one of the FBI’s patsy crazies that was wound up and set loose. perhaps to re-strengthen the gun grabbers, as you suggest when the left is getting a little wobbly.

  14. Derpetologist

    I own a dyke-mobile, AKA Subaru Outback and a small arsenal of bang-bang toys. Will this get me another visit from the FBI? I was surprised the last 2 weren’t wearing suits when they showed up. One was a 50-ish white guy in a long sleeve t-shirt and the other was in his mid 30s with an untucked button-up short sleeve shirt. No suits or earpieces for them. If they had guns, they were probably in ankle holsters. They probably noticed the bullet hole in my wall and the ricochet damage to my door. That might have intimidated them. Based on where I live in Florida, they came from the Jacksonville office.

    For the night owls and early birds, NJR takes on Thomas Sowell. The only redeeming part of the article is a link to Sowell’s photographs.
    https://www.currentaffairs.org/2023/09/is-thomas-sowell-a-legendary-maverick-intellectual-or-a-pseudo-scholarly-propagandist

    ***
    The simplistic Sowell view would be that if something costs more, people tend to buy less of it. But there are lots of reasons why raising the minimum wage might not cause employers to purchase less labor overall. Does Sowell consider those reasons? He does not.
    ***

    Oh, bravo, Nathan. Maybe next you can explain how rising gas prices could cause people to buy *more* gasoline. I’m sure someone could conjure reasons for that.

    The whole article is a pathetic slog of sophistry and nonsense. It reminded me of Twain’s tract on Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses. Specifically, Twain criticized the way Cooper wrote dialog.

    ***
    The conversations in the Cooper books have a curious sound in our modern ears. To believe that such talk really ever came out of people’s mouths would be to believe that there was a time when time was of no value to a person who thought he had something to say; when it was the custom to spread a two-minute remark out to ten; when a man’s mouth was a rolling-mill, and busied itself all day long in turning four-foot pigs of thought into thirty-foot bars of conversational railroad iron by attenuation; when subjects were seldom faithfully stuck to, but the talk wandered all around and arrived nowhere; when conversations consisted mainly of irrelevancies, with here and there a relevancy, a relevancy with an embarrassed look, as not being able to explain how it got there.
    ***

    [chef’s kiss]

    Also, this gem:

    ***
    There still remained in the roost five Indians.

    The boat has passed under and is now out of their reach. Let me explain what the five did—you would not be able to reason it out for yourself. No. 1 jumped for the boat, but fell in the water astern of it. Then No. 2 jumped for the boat, but fell in the water still farther astern of it. Then No. 3 jumped for the boat, and fell a good way astern of it. Then No. 4 jumped for the boat, and fell in the water away astern. Then even No. 5 made a jump for the boat—for he was a Cooper Indian. In the matter of intellect, the difference between a Cooper Indian and the Indian that stands in front of the cigarshop is not spacious.
    ***

    https://www.excellence-in-literature.com/fenimore-coopers-literary-offenses-by-mark-twain/

    • hayeksplosives

      Good links. Bookmarked for later 👍

  15. Beau Knott

    Good morning all!
    Two more from Steeleye Span:

    Gaudete.

    Thomas the Rhymer.

    Share and enjoy!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Beau, Sean, Stinky, Roat, and Derpy, and good afternoon, Pie!

      “Gaudete” is a familiar favorite, as it’s on my favorite Christmas CD. Here’s a link to the entire album for future reference – abiding, of course, by rules for listening to Christmas music discussed at this very site. (No, we didn’t come to an agreement on how early one can start listening, other than to agree that Mojeaux starts too soon.)

      • Beau Knott

        I’m not even remotely Christian, have no joy in Christmas or Christmas music as such. I just love this performance. It helps that I don’t know Latin 😉

    • PieInTheSky

      knowing this place I think this was already covered

      • Old Man With Candy

        Covered in what?

      • PieInTheSky

        Syrah.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I’m in!

      • PieInTheSky

        it is 5 dollar syrah from Kazakhstan though

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      SEPTA? Sounds like a store brand Listerine. Is it available in mint?

    • PieInTheSky

      why do you hate hard working people having a living wage?

      • Rat on a train

        “My living standards require at least $50/hour.”

    • Ghostpatzer

      “We appealed to Governor Shapiro to have the National Guard on our system,” said Pollitt.

      WTF?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Confirm people’s biases and they’ll believe damn near anything.

    • PieInTheSky

      were they all Gal Gadot in a bikini?

      • Sean

        lol

    • Ownbestenemy

      I believe it but with today’s AI voice technology…who really knows anymore.

    • Derpetologist

      If it was forged, it was by someone with an excellent knowledge of the Gazan dialect of Arabic.

      I graduated in August 2017 from the Levantine Arabic course at the Defense Language Institute.

      Levantine Arabic covers the dialects spoken in Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, and Palestine (West Bank and Gaza).

  16. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie (and OBE and OMWC!) How goes the old system decommissioning?

      • Ghostpatzer

        Mornin ‘, GT. So far, so good.

        Apparently there is some sort of local election coming up. Mire junk mail to throw into the recycle bin on the way to a landfill. I have no idea who these people are.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Morning!

  17. Gender Traitor

    One other compliment that I don’t think has already been made about this wonderful H&H episode: I love how the camera ever so slowly zooms in on Hat until he fills the screen. Well played!

  18. UnCivilServant

    Morning… I think.

    I got no sleep last night and I’m all sorts of off-kilter.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U! No sleep at all?? That’s…less than ideal! 😟

    • PieInTheSky

      being a mild mannered public servant during the day and a superhero at night leads to the occasional sleepless night unfortunately

  19. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey! Hope you won’t be craving Taco Bell when you get home.

  20. Tres Cool

    She should be given a medal for the public safety service she performed.

  21. Ownbestenemy

    BREAKING: Lewiston Police asking public for information, vigilance regarding this vehicle possibly related to active shooter investigation

    “It is believed that the front bumper may be painted black,” they posted.

    What does that signify? Some obscure detail to talk about.

  22. R.J.

    I love this episode. Had a big storm last night, did not have internet for a bit. Was not able to comment on how impressive it was that CPRM held that voice for almost ten minutes.