Wednesday Afternoon SugarLinks – I’ve Got Something Say

by | Nov 1, 2023 | Daily Links | 104 comments

MOAR ROBOT DANGER

They will get super-charged with demonic electrical energies and murder us all.


 

SHEEP SMITH

Sheepsquatch, also known as the “White Thing”, is a woolly-haired cryptid reported across numerous counties in West Virginia, predominantly within the southwestern region of the state. The counties with the most sightings are Boone, Kanawha, Putnam and Mason, with a surge in sightings taking place in Boone County during the mid-1990s.

It is described as being a quadruped about the size of a bear, with entirely white wool-like fur. It has a long and pointed head, similar to a dog but with long, saber-like teeth and a single-pint set of horns not dissimilar from those found on a young goat. Its forelimbs end in paw-like hands, similar to those of a raccoon but larger, while its tail is long and hairless like that of an opossum.

The kaleidoscope of the SMITH family is so rich.


 

Another Cryptid Sighting

A Vampire with a day job? Inside the life of an Ohio woman who identifies as a vampire

“I came out of the coffin, as it were,” and, “never felt so free in my life.”

There has been no turning back for the 28-year-old woman who identifies as a vampire, who wears fangs and a makeup palette of dark red lipstick with a “Phoenix eye,” punctuated by red, orange and yellow and a beak and a tail. She also wears a white shirt with “flowy sleeves” and a black cape.

“It’s my go-to look.”

Hellen “Hellie” Schweizer talks about her life as a vampire.

From the time she was young, “I’ve always been all about vampires,” Schweizer said, citing her preoccupation with Anne Rice books and with Dracula.

There are different kinds of vampires, she said. They can be lawyers or janitors, as well as psychics and witches.

“Vampires and witches get along famously,” she said, and “run in similar circles.”

“Not every vampire is bad,” attacking people or offering human sacrifices, she said. “I follow a higher path.”


 

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

104 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    “Not every vampire is bad,” attacking people or offering human sacrifices, she said. “I follow a higher path.”

    What about energy vampires?

    • Rat on a train

      They’re already in your home.

      • SDF-7

        Or in your Space Shuttle sexily destroying Britain.

    • Nephilium

      Don’t talk shit about Colin Robinson.

      • Chafed

        +1

      • Don escaped Texas

        my favorite, not even close

        an what about emotional vampires?

    • Spartacus

      I for one refuse to believe that a lawyer could ever be a vampire.

      • slumbrew

        Something, something, “blood sucking”…

    • KK, Non-Man

      What about energy vampires?

      Why I live alone, part 832748392

  2. Fatty Bolger

    Sheepsquatch

    I’ve killed these in Fallout 76.

  3. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    “The kaleidoscope of the SMITH family is so rich.”

    SMITH FAMILY CELEBRATE DIVERSITY!

    • TARDis

      And by CELEBRATE, FAMILY MEAN….

  4. trshmnstr the terrible

    Must be a slow news day at USAToday. They could’ve trolled Tumblr and found thousands of more depraved lunatics than that one to write a fluff piece on.

    • rhywun

      I had to check my calendar because I thought it was November 1st not April 1st.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        At this point it’s all too predictable. It gets filed in my mind alongside those people who marry inanimate objects and the body modders as “background noise being used to denormalize normalcy”

      • rhywun

        Oh sure. The new bit is reporting on it like it’s straight news. When did USA Today become Weekly World News?

      • Sensei

        You take that back!

        I love my dakimakura.

      • Sensei

        TW scantily clad 2D art.

      • SDF-7

        They want us to All have the patience of Saints.

  5. Rat on a train

    When she realized she was a vampire, she was actually cosplaying, or dressing up in costume, she said.

  6. Mojeaux

    The idea I had about a middle-aged hausfrau turned vampire just got a lot easier.

    “I can only work nights because I identify as a vampire.”

    • TARDis

      A whore could say the same.

  7. Q Continuum

    “Sheepsquatch”

    I would have thought this would be in Scotland or Wales what with all the unnatural congress between man and sheep.

  8. R.J.

    IN VIRGINIA, YOU DON’T FUCK SHEEPSQUATCH, SHEEPSQUATCH FUCK YOU.

    • SDF-7

      Pie deserves an honorable mention on that front, imho.

      PieInTheSky on November 1, 2023 at 12:29 pm
      Today in weird YouTube recommends

      Laura The Explora

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qtf8exmD0A

      with the standard question: thicc?

  9. The Late P Brooks

    The new bit is reporting on it like it’s straight news. When did USA Today become Weekly World News?

    We’re all the Dog Faced Boy now.

    • blighted_non_millenial

      Dog Faced Boy Pony Soldier

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      I’m going to be blunt and hopefully not offend too many here. His monologue reeks of that late-Boomer/Gen X mentality of “everything was chugging along fine until it just all went to hell! Why can’t we just rewind society a couple of decades and get the glory years back?”

      The institutions of the 70s and 80s, including the comedy institutions whose decline he so laments, laid the framework for what we’re dealing with today. Deconstructing the fuddy duddies is all fun and games until it’s your ox being gored.

      • kinnath

        He is an old fuddy-duddy liberal from the 60s. He has also been relentless in calling out the modern woke progressives as being destructive and damaging to liberal philosophy.

      • Q Continuum

        While I agree with you, I’m not going to spit in the face of potential allies in deconstructing the woke edifice. Just as I might recoil at the absurdities of (((Reforms))) using tikkun olam as a vehicle to install Communism, I’ll take a current ally of convenience over an enemy in fact, even if that alliance has borders and an expiration date.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Yep. Fully on board with that. Nothing against him personally. I’ve enjoyed his content in the past.

      • R.J.

        ^ Absolutely this! Until he realizes all that hippie shit brought us to this point, he misses the big picture.

      • Suthenboy

        Yep. Go back and listen tot he lyrics of some of the most popular 60’s and 70’s rock. It was there all along but it is now coming to full bloom.

      • Gender Traitor
    • Gender Traitor

      He should acknowledge the Bee.

      • Brochettaward

        Oh, the other movie was Good Burger 2 and it was a different ugly fat white broad playing smug female executive.

        It’s all the same at this point.

        Social media seems to think that there was some segment of millennials clamoring for a Good Burger 2, yet they wrote it to appeal to children.

      • R.J.

        I saw that. A huge WTF. Apparently executives cannot conceive of new ideas.

      • juris imprudent

        They didn’t get those jobs because they were creative.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m pretty sure we are just at the nepotism phase of Hollywood and it’s just a matter of time until it dies as an industry or as a cultural hegemon.

  10. Lachowsky

    “They can be lawyers or janitors, as well as psychics and witches.”

    I bet she is on the janitor end of that particular spectrum.

    • Sensei

      F…ing NJ has had some hospital systems that have been doing this starting in September.

    • rhywun

      No.

      • Q Continuum

        “No.”

        QFT.

    • Spudalicious

      I am soooo happy to be out of the industry and out of the Bay Area.

  11. Aloysious

    Larf.

    Sheep Squatch gives me the woolies.

    I still think Fettersquatch is the ugliest Squatch.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Muh false economy!

    A recent proposal by House Republicans to take billions of dollars from the IRS and give it to Israel for its war against Hamas is raising alarm from budget experts, who say the push would undercut the party’s calls to reduce the national debt.

    Since assuming control of the House in January, House Republicans have targeted what they’ve described as “wasteful” spending by Democrats. GOP leaders have proposed steep cuts to tackle the national debt.

    But budget experts argue a Monday bill from House Republicans, which would take $14.3 billion away from the IRS, will expand the national debt by tens of billions of dollars over the next decade.

    The cuts would also hamstring efforts to close the “tax gap” — hundreds of billions of dollars the government is owed every year but fails to collect.

    “Paying for new spending by defunding tax enforcement is worse than not paying for it at all, said Maya MacGuineas, president of the Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget (CRFB), in a Monday statement.

    CRFB estimated the GOP plan would add more than $30 billion to the debt.

    “Instead of avoiding new borrowing, this plan doubles down on it,” MacGuineas said.

    According to my model…

    • Sensei

      See the IRS is a “profit center”. That “investment” will generate a return.

      CBO is a joke.

      • Rat on a train

        Assuming all my assumptions are correct will the result be what I assume?

      • Sensei

        Bingo!

        Essentially it checks the math on the formulas provided by Congress.

        For example, say, … Obamacare.

    • The Other Kevin

      That was supposed to negate the recent expansion of the IRS. So apparently before that no taxes were ever collected.

    • juris imprudent

      Tens of billions! Against how many trillion?

  13. Brochettaward

    We currently live in a matriarchy.

    We need to turn it into a Firstriarchy.

    • Rat on a train

      No. Don’t Six Flags my local park.

    • Not Adahn

      Did Six Flags replace the icky rebel flag with the goodful Pride Progress one?

      • R.J.

        Yes. They did. And they shit on the original concept of having a park with time periods from Texas history, which matched each flag that flew over Texas. That made it nice. Fuck, fuck, fuck the cartoon Warner Brothers schtick up the ass, it is lame and pointless and nobody likes it.

      • rhywun

        Had no idea about any of that. But I’m not from anywhere near Texas.

        My local went Six Flags but it was long after the last time I visited. Just looked and shit there’s like a dozen more coasters than I remember.

      • Brochettaward

        Darien Lake?

      • rhywun

        Bingo.

        But I miss the defunct Honky Tonk parks more – Olympic Park, Roseland Park.

    • R.J.

      I haaaaaaaate what Six Flags has become. That move reeks of desperation. Buy out a competitor and hope to coast on fumes of a few more years.

      • Brochettaward

        Hasn’t Six Flags been doing that for a few decades now?

      • R.J.

        Yes. It should all end soon.

    • Rat on a train

      Brought to you by the makers of phenylephrine.

  14. hayeksplosives

    At least vampire chica doesn’t appear to have made any permanent body modifications and isn’t hurting anyone.

    She’ll eventually look back sheepishly at this phase and move on to some new fad, or maybe even grow up.

    • Brochettaward

      I think society would have applied enough pressure to where a person like this never would have existed. If they had adopted this persona, they would have been quickly shamed into giving it up.

      Now? Not so sure.

    • Ownbestenemy

      True….but I bet she demands others accept her as she is.

    • The Last American Hero

      Who salts their nuts before receiving oral sex?

      • SugarFree

        People who know what they are doing.

      • Suthenboy

        Like doing tequila shots? That is how I imagine that going.
        Take a shot, lick the salt.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        All the micro-abrasions may explain the increase in throat cancer.

      • Suthenboy

        If you can think of it there is someone out there doing it.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        It just happens with all the sweat.

  15. creech

    One more week and the annoying political ads will stop (for a time at least). Lots of judge seats are open in Penna. and I’ve never seen so many ads. There’s even one bragging that “endorsed by Sen. Fetterman” as if that’s worthy of anything. In case you haven’t seen political ads lately, here’s the gist: “The Devil is Running for The Other Party. Save your soul. Vote against the Devil and The Other Party.”

    • Rat on a train

      I am tired of hearing how much Democrats want to murder the unborn and put porn in schools.

      • Don escaped Texas

        everyone just wants free candy

      • Common Tater

        Well, they do.

      • Rat on a train

        I know. I’m talking about ads from Democrats.

    • rhywun

      In case you haven’t seen political ads lately

      You could always move to a one-Party state – all the ads go away.

      • Rat on a train

        What about primaries and ballot measures?

      • one true athena

        that doesn’t work in Cali, sadly.

      • Ted S.

        That’s mostly because we don’t have many races here in NY this year.

        Last year, redistricting meant I was in an area with multiple competitive House races. The amount of political ads was huge.

      • rhywun

        My rep is a Republican, weirdly.

        I know the Dems are working overtime to craft another gerrymander. 🙄

    • Don escaped Texas

      Pan’s Labyrinth is a masterpiece, one of this century’s best flicks

      • Rat on a train

        It would be interesting to watch the pre-dubbed Doug Jones dialogue version not that my Spanish is great.

  16. KK, Non-Man

    My neighbor got in a car accident and asked me to come pick her up (she’s ok – car is probably a goner). Now I’m sitting here waiting for her to talk to the cops. Then we’ll have to wait for a tow truck. Ugh.

    I feel bad for her because she’s new in town and has limited people to call. But damn, I have a shitton of work to do before Friday when the RV goes in for service.

    • Rat on a train

      You’re a good non-man. I chauffer my neighbor when she takes her car in for service. It’s not that far and I don’t have to wait while they work on it.

      • R.J.

        Indeed. Hopefully a good deed that gets repaid.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      It takes a deep front hole to do what you are doing.

      Keep it up, Non-Man.

  17. Rat on a train

    Detective: Mom turned in 12-year-old son charged in carjacking attempt that left DC teen dead

    During Wednesday’s court hearing, a defense attorney for the 12-year-old boy argued that he shows promise in school, gets good grades and would benefit by staying with his family under electronic monitoring.

    Judge Sherri Beatty-Arthur disagreed, saying what happened was dangerous and that he shouldn’t be in the community.

    The 12-year-old was turned in to police by his mother. According to O’Donnell, clothes matching those seen in surveillance footage from the night of the carjacking attempt were found in the boy’s room. He faces an armed carjacking charge and will be back in court Monday.

    He’s a good boy. Carjacking is only a hobby.

    • Brochettaward

      The Mom did the right thing here?

      Fuck the DC mayor taking a shot at guns because it was used to defend ones property and potentially life.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        But he was the kings man, and will be allowed to carry. The rest of us, not so much.

    • R.J.

      I wonder if we can get that wiki to accept a STEVE SMITH entry.

      • Rat on a train

        By accept mean …