Hey Mom, how long does it take to microwave a 25lb turkey?

by | Dec 12, 2023 | WebDom’s Browser History | 104 comments

 

This person texted their family’s group text with multiple cooks in it.

 

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WebDom

WebDom

WebDom grows Peyote buttons in the vast desert of her mind.

104 Comments

  1. Ted S.

    Trying to microwave a full-sized Thanksgiving turkey is a thing??

  2. Urthona

    Holidays are the main reason houses still have 1- 2 ovens.

    An increasing number of people only use an oven once a year on average.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      My mom hasn’t used her oven since moving into her new house 18 months ago.

      Granted, the food she used to cook in the oven when I was a kid could hardly be classified as food.

      In contrast, we put the microwave into the pantry because we don’t use it that much. We use the oven or the toaster oven almost every meal.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        The toaster oven is a big one around here. With it just being the two of us, cooking chicken parts, salmon, things like that is easy as 1-2-3, and way quicker for cleanup. Plus, for the wife, toast! I microwave potato’s to get them cooking fast, reheat leftovers, and reheat my afternoon coffee. She uses the oven a lot, but mostly for either things on a sheet pan, or her food experiments; making jerky, croutons, things like that. But, she bought a food dryer, so that took care of a lot of that.

        I hate that I know so much about cooking.

    • Name's BEAM. *James* BEAM.

      Huh.

      I use mine multiple times a week, most weeks. Not so much in the summer, when the gas BBQ can be brought to bear.

    • slumbrew

      We use our oven every couple of days. Last night was roasting sweet potatoes (which were then mashed with copious amounts of butter and salt, and served with the strip steaks).

      Microwave… we don’t own. I almost never miss having one.

      • Lackadaisical

        How?

        I use it all the time.

        Though I do wonder if my great grandma was right and they turn frogs gay.

      • slumbrew

        Other than reheating coffee, I don’t know what I’d use a MW for that I can’t just do in a pot, pan or toaster oven, usually with superior results.

        (it’s mostly a space thing – if our place were bigger we’d probably have one for those rare occasions we’d use it)

      • Lackadaisical

        To my mind it saves me dishes because I often reheat leftovers. I love my toaster oven, but the microwave is faster and better for many things.

        Also my kitchen is almost comically huge. *shrug*

      • The Hyperbole

        Microwave Popcorn is the only thing I kinda miss with not even owing a microwave, stove top is good but doesn’t do as well getting it all buttery like the bags do.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Did you just make that up?

      • Urthona

        I never always make things up.

    • Q Continuum

      I just made a pizza in the oven tonight.

      We use it at least once a week.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Giggity.

  3. Sean

    I read them all. I want those minutes back.

  4. Shpip

    How long will it take to microwave a 25 lb. turkey?

    Geez. Don’t microwave the thing, use a crock pot, the way God intended.

    /Shakes head, walks away muttering

    • kinnath

      Roaster

      the way god intended.

      • Shpip
      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Broaster?

      • Homple

        Fleet Farm! Alas, there aren’t any near me. The one in Minnesota I used to buy stuff at had a bridal registry.

  5. Common Tater

    Why are they all 25 lbs?

    • hayeksplosives

      Because it’s a meme dare. None of the askers were serious.

    • Ownbestenemy

      It’s for kicks. I hate modern day shit.

      • Q Continuum

        Tiktok is a plague.

      • R.J.

        1. Fill raw turkey with whole, uncracked eggs
        2. Place in microwave
        3. Set cook timer at 999, 100% power
        4. Enjoy dinner, you wacky millenials!

    • pistoffnick

      Great song, but that shirt….

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Heh. That is how my handicapped aunt dressed.

    • Mojeaux, font of all evil

      That is beautiful.

      One of my favorite songs on one of my favorite instruments.

    • slumbrew

      Because I’m of a certain age, all that runs though my head is this.

      Definitely going to hell.

    • Brochettaward

      Have you not heard Little Firster Boy? It is the catchiest tune you’ll ever hear.

  6. hayeksplosives

    I like the parental unit who addresses his/her kid as “my little soul sucking demon”

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Oh, was that a parent? I thought it was some kink thing that I didn’t understand

      • slumbrew

        “Good afternoon, Spawnpoint”

        Excellent nickname for mom.

    • Lackadaisical

      I didn’t like it at all, though ‘spawn point’ is funny.

    • Mojeaux, font of all evil

      My daughter went roadtripping with my mom. I put her in as Wolf Cub in my phone and she put me in as Mama Wolf. And we would howl AWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO at each other.

      Hear tell, that was not necessarily a successful roadtrip. You never really know someone till you drive 4,000 miles with them.

      • Not Adahn

        But her hair was perfect.

  7. Ownbestenemy

    Day two of the drive. Animals are good and FIL is starting to drive me up the wall. You know that bartender in Boondock Saints that just couldn’t get tidbits of wisdom correct…it’s been that for 24 hours.

    Out in Leabon MO…only half day now to get home.

    • Ownbestenemy

      “See that mudflap?’
      Me: Yes
      “It was originally designed in Medford CT, did you know that”
      Me: Huh okay

      “See that tailpipe?”
      Me: sigh….

      • slumbrew

        Oh, dear…

      • Ownbestenemy

        But…he is excited. Hasn’t been all bad.

      • Drake

        Uh… how excited?

  8. Fourscore

    We have 2 MWs, upstairs and downstairs. Downstairs I use about once a day, to reheat a cup of coffee. Upstairs is used every meal, several times, tonight I heated a bowl of frozen chili, then cooked a big piece of squash. Mrs F heated something that she poured over rice. It’s my goto appliance.

    Two toaster ovens on the counter, rarely does the stove oven get used any more.

  9. The Other Kevin

    We have an aunt visiting and she brought me some cast iron pans. Broke one in with a pork roast today. Delicious. Tomorrow we’ll break in the skillet with lamb shanks.

    Microwaves are for making tea and green beans.

    • kinnath

      Put fresh tortellini or ravioli into a large glass bowl. Cover with water. Nuke until the water just begins to boil. Strain in a colander.

      Works great. Two-serving package of pasta nukes in 9 minutes. Four-serving package nukes in 18 minutes.

      Serve in the same bowl you nuked it in.

      Quick to cook, and quick to clean up.

      There are many great uses for microwaves.

      • Fourscore

        Spray a round bottom bowl with PAM, stir up 2-3 eggs with a dollop of milk/cream. Microwave until egg reaches the top of the bowl, I always watch it, takes about 45 seconds as I remember. Slide that on to a piece of bread or toast with mayonaise and enjoy an egg sammich and only one bowl to wash. Add cheese if you like before cooking.

      • Homple

        Add some finely chopped sweet peppers and bacon or ham and you have a Denver Sandwich.

      • slumbrew

        I don’t find scrambling eggs in a pan to be that much more involved, but de gustibus

    • pistoffnick

      And bacon.

      Also deer summer sausage.

      • Fourscore

        Sure, you gotta show off with the venison

    • slumbrew

      Lotta talent there.

  10. Brochettaward

    This 25lb First was prepared the ol’fashioned way.

    • Brochettaward

      It nearly popped as I maneuvered it out of my body.

  11. Mojeaux, font of all evil

    I use my oven relatively frequently. Casseroles, cookies, party pizzas…

    • creech

      Great actor and show. The good die young. RIP

    • slumbrew

      Damn. Too young.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      The first couple seasons of that are balls deep.

    • rhywun

      Yikes. Fantastic actor.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Wtf wiki?

        used car salesman Owen Thoreau Jr. in the comedy-drama series Men of a Certain Age

        🤦‍♂️ It was a new car dealership ferchristsake. GM, if I remember. And he was running or owned the place too.

  12. slumbrew

    This damn plane has been buzzing over my house at < 1,200 ft for the last hour or two. WTF?

    https://globe.adsbexchange.com/?icao=a9c8b1

    Also, no government plane should be allowed to use the LADD flag – what are you trying to hide?

    • dbleagle

      Zee Germans are trying to find Pearl Harbor so they can bomb it?

      • slumbrew

        I assume it’s some calibration thing with Logan, but it’s annoying.

        Also, FU and your LADD flag: “… The Administrator shall, upon request of a private aircraft owner or operator…” – definitely not a private aircraft.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Most likely a flight check for ILS or VOR…sorry man I don’t have gov computer with me to confirm

  13. J. Frank Parnell

    I swear a long time ago I watched some cooking TV show where they microwaved a turkey, then recommended that you rub it down with gravy because microwaving wouldn’t brown it at all and it would look raw.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I could see it on Cut Throat Kitchen….but actual use? Nah. Microwave has its uses and a whole bird ain’t one.

  14. J. Frank Parnell

    Hmm, apparently this has gained notoriety across Chicagoland:

    https://microwaveturkey.com/

  15. Ownbestenemy

    Good Morning…it’s early, too early but gotta hit the road to get past St. Louis after crackies are cracked out and street walkers are put to bed wet.

  16. Beau Knott

    Good morning all!

    The Who never disappoint. The Rock.

    Yesterday was scammer city. Join me in hoping they all suffer horrible lingering deaths!
    May today be better, for us all.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Yesterday was scammer city.

      You are a lucky dude. Every day is scammer city here. Mostly medicare bullshit, with the occasional “end of life insurance” scam and the ever popular free solar installation.

      • UnCivilServant

        “I already have the sun, don’t need it reinstalled in the sky, thanks, bye.”

      • Beau Knott

        I admit I sometimes want to toy with some of them, just to use up their time and, hopefully, lower their eval numbers.
        The funniest are the fake calls from ‘Amazon’ about some large order & issues therewith. Amazon doesn’t have my phone number, and I can go straight to my ‘my orders’ page on my iPad while talking with them on the phone.
        I may drag one or two out for a while and then inform them we’ve completed the call trace and the FBI will be visiting them shortly.

      • Ghostpatzer

        LOL, me too. I’m working on getting past the robocall intro used by the better scammers so I can waste the time of an actual agent.

      • Beau Knott

        Mine seem to come in waves. There’s an extremely persistent ‘Medicare Genetic Testing Service’ outfit that’s been spoofing numbers from all over. Another at least gets flagged by Malware Bytes as ‘known scammer number.’ Then 2 guys on Grindr. One was pretty clearly using ChatGPT or similar to craft replies. The other was just young and dumb, but persistent. I get enough grief, I don’t need these clowns.

  17. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    Darn office is open again.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U, Sean, Beau, and OBE!

      My boss is WFH today, and supervisors have only sent me two employees’ evaluations for filing so far, so…maybe a quiet day?

      • UnCivilServant

        Nah, I think it means they want you to do the evaluations for the rest of the employees.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Sounds good. I finished my self-review yesterday (and boy howdy, am I good!), now I just wait around for peer and manager reviews. I hate this crap.

  18. Stinky Wizzleteats

    So microwave turkey, eh? Should you crisp the skin afterwards with a blowtorch or how’s that work?

  19. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    I’m gonna need a bigger microwave.

    • UnCivilServant

      Bigger Microwave?

      A Miniwave?

      • robodruid

        A macrowave.
        Good Morning everyone. Off to court today.
        So they have to process 85 cases between 9-12 today.

        Its a mad, mad world.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good luck, ‘bodru! 😟

      • Ghostpatzer

        Sending good vibes… hope things work out in the end.

      • DEG

        Best wishes

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie!

  20. Not Adahn

    Microwaves:

    Best for reheating leftovers, best for steaming broccoli.

    I use a popcorn popper the way the Indians taught the pilgrims.

  21. Not Adahn

    NPR this morning had an AMZAINGLY scientifically illiterate and panicky story about an upcoming AL execution.

    You see, they’re using GAS! and this GAS! could escape the mask on the condemned and get to other people! And his spiritual advisor might DIE because of the GAS! And this GAS! is odorless so nobody will know if they’ve been exposed to this lethal GAS! There’s literally no way for the witnesses to prevent themselves from being exposed to this GAS!*

    *technically correct for particular definitions of “this.”

    • UnCivilServant

      Did anyone tell the NPR airhead that most of what they breathe in every day is this same gas?

      • Not Adahn

        Hence the asterisk.

      • UnCivilServant

        I wanted to know about the reaction of the NPR person to being told to stop being a hysterical freak.

  22. DEG

    Mornin’.

    Soon it will be time to stop procrastinating on going to the gym.