“I kan no longer bewiths you, Yon,” Gisele breathed heavily into the cold spaces of their bedroom.
“Whatever do you mean, dear?” John asked, taking off his reading glasses and slipping a bookmark into his battered copy of The Brothers Karamazov.
“Yous are not the mahn I marry,” she said, trying to muster up some tears but just making her voice hoarse.
John got out of bed, and stood beside it in his boxer shorts and wifebeater. “Ah, I see,” he said, “You only wanted to be with me when I was a retard, yes? Easy to push around, dominate?”
“You words hurt Gisele,” she said, pouting.
“Stop trying to cry and just talk to me.”
“Yon,” she began
“And there’s no one else around, so drop the immigrant act.”
“Fine, John. This what you what, you giant asshole.”
“Ah,” he said cruelly, “There she is, there’s the viper I married.”
“Suck my cunt,” she snarled.
“Maybe wash it more than once a month and just might.” His laugh was deep and rich.
“I kept getting thrush because of your filthy tard dick!”
“Are you sure that was me?” he asked, raising his voice like an ax. “There have been so many others,” to bringing it down.
She hissed, hissed like a fucking cat, and sprang from the bed. “You think I want you to fuck you when you have a throbbing lump on the back of your head? All veined like that like that and hot?”
“That lump was squeezing off the blood supply to my brain; it’s what kept us together so long.”
She came over the bed at him, her trashy fake fingernails flashing, going for his eyes.
“No thank you,” he said, straight-arming her back onto the bed. She screamed, red-faced, flush-chested; screamed like a feral animal chewing off its foot to escape a trap.
John calmly dressed while she thrashed, ripping at her clothes and hair.
“Are you done yet?” John asked as he slipped into his shoes.
“Fuck you!”
“I’m going to go stay in a hotel,” he said. “You can keep the house. Smells like those disgusting beans you always make anyway.”
“I should have torn that damned Lump off,” she said quietly. “It talked in your sleep, you know. Saying the most terrible things.”
“It is me now and I am it,” John said, shrugged. They glared at each other for a moment and then he left the room.
Born to be First. Mobile version.
Now that the searchblocks are off, some person is going to wander in here on a pleasant middle of a Wednesday. That person will in shock, but unable to resist the compulsion after reading their first SugarFree, and click on the author link.
Love it.
She looks like the bride of Frankenstein waiting for the juice to be turned on, in that picture.
*I assume it is she.
*stands & applauds*
Good Heavens. The Lump wasn’t the evilest thing in the room after all.
“Whatever do you mean, dear?” John asked, taking off his reading glasses and slipping a bookmark into his battered copy of The Brothers Karamazov.
That’s beautiful. It reminds me of Peter Boyle’s wonderful performance in Young Frankenstein.
The description of Giselle is totes delish.
It reminds me of Peter Boyle’s wonderful performance in Young Frankenstein.
My immediate reaction
Mine too. Exactly.
“He would have an enormous schwanzstucker”
“AH, Sweet mystery of life, at last I found you!”
+1
+2, standing ovation gif
Careful, that might scare him.
Fire scares him.
“Are you sure that was me?” he asked, raising his voice like an ax. “There have been so many others,” to bringing it down.
What’s the saying? Non-fiction explains, fiction demonstrates. Something like that.
Awesome:
Now tell us how she really feels! Bravo
At this point, a senate of horses would be a vast improvement.
Incitatus, your time has come.
I heard Fetterlump in Woody Allen’s voice. Fabulous.
“Yous are not the mahn I marry”
What I said in the morning links. Fetterfake.
Now that’s the SugarFree I remember!
Extremely disgusting and repulsive. Keep up the good work!
“It is me now and I am it,” John said, shrugged.
And we are all together
Goo goo gah joob!
“thrush?”
A nasty fungal infection.
Or a common one in infants
Or a type of muffler.
Thrush
Glass pack!
The memories come flooding back . . . .
She has cootie bugs.
Self defense is illegal
The New Mexico Justice Department has declined to file charges against police officers who went to the wrong address on a call last year and fatally shot the homeowner when he answered the door armed with a gun.
The Justice Department said that after a review, “there is no basis for pursuing a criminal prosecution” against three Farmington police officers.
The fatal shooting of Robert Dotson, 52, on April 5 prompted an apology from Farmington Police Chief Steve Hebbe, who called it a tragedy.
It was his own fault, really. Answering the door with a gun is just reckless and antisocial.
The attorney general made a remark “If FedEx were to show up to the wrong house do we want people answering the door with a gun? I think not!” What a piece of shit.
If FedEx kicks in the door of your house while screaming something, and you shoot them, you’ll probably walk.
The Injustice Department needs to be purged in every state, and eliminated federally.
The state Justice Department review included a report by Seth W. Stoughton, a professor at the University of South Carolina School of Law, whom the state attorney general’s office hired to review the shooting.
Stoughton wrote in his report that the way the officers approached the Dotson home was reasonable, even though they approached the incorrect dwelling.
“In this case, Mr. Dotson opened the front door and storm door, then partially exited the house while raising a firearm into a firing position, pointed in the direction of the officers,” Stoughton wrote.
Case closed. And besides, what if it had been little girls selling Girl Scout cookies, at midnight?
That’s a lot of stupidity colliding together. At least the family of the stupid dead man will get a pay out for the stupid cops shooting him.
Whycome I don’t believe that without seeing the bodycam footage?
The bodycam footage does back it up in this case. Probably why they released it uncut and with all the angles from the various officers, without any mysterious edits or malfunctions.
Just fantastic this week.
There are some raw, personal emotions emitting from the words this week. I think SF transcended into Fetterman’s soul for this.
Agreed. Bravo!
alol
She probably boils them hard for eight hours, turning them into indigestible goop.
So, refried?
So, indigestible goop.
Gross.
Bud Light trades Dylan Mulvaney for conservative comedian
Now, the Anheuser-Busch InBev brand has leaned further into politics by partnering with right-wing comedian Shane Gillis.
Gillis and Bud Light shared the news on their Instagram pages along with photos of Gillis at an Anheuser-Busch brewery.
I’d never heard of Dylan Mulvaney before the Bud Light controversy. And I’d never heard of Gillis before this.
Way to go AB.
Jeez. From one end to the other.
Just give Seinfeld a few million and have him make a commercial for it in his house. That might actually work.
To me, Jerry doesnt seem like a beer guy. Or a guy that needs money.
The only thing I can remember him shilling for was AmEx.
That’s what would make if funny.
https://i.redd.it/o0tna56v6lf01.jpg
All you need is 30 seconds of a bunch of bros standing in front of a big screen TV watching B Ball and screaming and holding beers.
That works as well. Or just show the Clydesdales. Or just start showing old commercials from the 1980s and save money.
They’re bringing the Clydesdales back, which of course causes more protests, but it’s PETA, and no one cares about them anymore.
No dialog. No voice overs. Just videos of young people having fun while holding Bud Lite cans. You can even mix in a few non-conforming individuals into larger groups of people.
So chicks with dicks…WHAT’s the deal with that?
Guys with tits.
Shane Gillis is a Joe Rogan protege. But also like Rogan, entertaining on podcasts but his standup sucks.
I know of Rogan, but would not be able to point him out in a lineup.
I don’t do podcasts.
I just watched one youtube video from Gillis. He truly does suck as a standup.
“I don’t do podcasts.”
Thus spake a very wise man.
Joe Rogan was the weak point on NewsRadio. And the cast included Andy Dick.
Heh.
“What is it with these marketing departments just flailing around?”
“It’s a beer about nothing.”
*polite applause*
Was that wrong? Should I not have drank it? I gotta tell you…
Bud Light sales down nearly 30% year over year as rivals continue to climb
Bud Light sales were down 29.9% year over year for the week ending Jan. 20, 2024 compared with the same period last year, according to the latest numbers provided to FOX Business by Bump Williams Consulting, which analyzed Neilsen IQ data.
Molson-Coors’ Coors Light saw 12.2% sales growth, while Miller Lite sales rose 6.9%, and Yuengling Light soared by 72.3%.
Modelo Especial, the Mexican lager owned by Constellation Brands, also gained further ground against Bud Light, seeing a 10.8% sales boost on the week compared with the same time in 2023, when Modelo eclipsed the A-B brand to become the best-selling beer in the U.S.
oops
“Don’t mix advertising and politics.”
An unlearnable lesson.
You can’t advertise your way put of piss beer with numerous alternatives that cost the same with Elon Musk money.
Pre-Covid, I was buying Budweiser Copper Lager whenever I could find it. Proved that really could make a tasty beer if they wanted to. They just chose not to.
“Why bother, the customers buy pisswater anyway.”
Bud should run the old Bud Light ladies’ night commercial a few times during the supar bowl.
Maybe they can manage to piss off just about everybody.
Just give Seinfeld a few million and have him make a commercial for it in his house. That might actually work.
They can show him driving around in one of his little gay antique Porsche convertibles while drinking Bud Light and tossing the cans into the ditch.
Nah, that’s why they have back seats.
I had a 78 wagoneer with the floor rotted by the rocker panel- I could see the road.
There was a few occasions driving home from work on Friday that cans got dropped through the floor. It was almost ideal since the back tire would then smash it.
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!!! 356 speedsters won races for a reason.
(drink Bud Light!)
So this is a Homer sans brain crayons situation, then?
The unlumpening has occurred
Bravo! Bravo! Author! Author!
Gisele Muy Caliente!
Fettterlump Hace Fesco! No es mas Chupar.
I’m sorry, I do not find her attractive. She looks gross to me. She needs to go eat some hamburgers and lost the ten pounds of pancake makeup.
Does have an AOC rack which many conservative boys drool over.
Man does not live by rack alone. Certainly not this brussel sprout head.
Id rather play “hide the sausage” with this classic cigar holder.
*grumble*
I hate it when the instructions are outright wrong.
The instructions said I needed
What I really needed was
And the name matters, because the second one works, while the first does not.
More joy. Out of curiosity, why that particular series of processors?
Because the F2003 was the cheapest on Digikey with the search parameters I’d set. Silly reason, but I’m working from ignorance.
I’d ordered a Launchpad to load data on the F2003s, and it came with the G2553 installed.
Eh, I’m not one to judge. I grabbed a copy of MAKE: AVR Programming a while back because I already had an Arduino Uno, and that book focuses on the “bare metal” programming of the Atmega 168 (and related chips) that is the heart of the Arduino.
I built an Uno at the same time the Launchpad arrived. So far, all I’ve done with it is blink some LEDs to verify my solder job, and power the Launchpad to test a feature where I could pull some jumpers and disconnect it from the main body of the circuit. With 3.3v and ground provided by the Arduino over jumper lines, it still ran the code I’d last loaded on it.
Fun fact, the launchpad itself runs off a MSP430F5528 chip that you can’t directly address. It tries to hide amongst the other surface mount components, but it’s the second biggest thing on the board.
The more I work with this thing, the more good and useful things I find out about its engineering.
Reminds me of typing in programs from Compute Magazine.
Next month the corrections arrive.
225 Poke 4035,32225 POKE 4035, 23
226 POKE 4036, 21
227 POKE 4037, 18
Oops, sorry about the typo that bricked your computer.
Good news was you just power cycled it and moved on.
Hopefully the tape drive save worked.
I did that once and never again. It took me and my buddy all night taking turns.
The game we got out of it – something about flowing water – was really cool, though.
Ahhh social science.
The Price Women Pay for Networking With High-Status People
New research suggests that the tactic works well for men. But for women, stereotypes get in the way.
What in the world are “field sites”? It’s not defined. Also it’s China. Are we supposed to assume that the role women play in China is the same as the US or the West? And finally we have the ever useful “survey”. Who or what was surveyed? How was who or what surveyed?
https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/careers/women-networking-high-status-people-96e20833?st=ffe5bsemc4oohsb&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
Pregnancy?
Becoming VPOTUS?
STDs and a buy one, get one coupon from planned parenthood
83 million bucks?
A bullet to the head ?
Wait….I’m changing my answer to “sunk in the Chappaquiddick?”
Nice.
When I saw “networking with high-status people”, my first thought was that it probably involved an exclusive and hush-hush private island in the Caribbean.
The Price Women Pay for Networking With High-Status People
New research suggests that the tactic works well for men. But for women, stereotypes get in the way.
Men want a job, women want a husband?
1. Capture CO2
2. ????
3. Profit.
A New Solution for CO2 Emissions: Bury Them at Sea
Ship operators have designed a vessel to transport supercooled carbon and pump it into offshore wells for permanent storage
https://www.wsj.com/business/energy-oil/liquified-carbon-emissions-storage-ships-4f4f6e84?st=tilpb0x2ruq4wyz&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
It’s cheaper and more efficient to just plant trees. You then even get a useful product in the form of timber from the process.
This is my preferred solution. As we get more efficient at farming, less land is required, and we can reforest areas. Global Warming or not, that’s still a good idea.
Haven’t you heard? Trees are bad now.
In the U.S. we have been doing that for decades. Or we were, dunno if we stopped.
I’d bury him at sea.
He played at Davos this year for a select group according to an article I read.
Where no murdered ghost can haunt him?
He was pretty good in Only Murders in the Building.
Did he kill someone with the emperor’s blade?
Maybe it will turn into oil that future, non-retarded generations can use.
Will till humans find out what diamonds are made out of.
Or “wait”, even.
Is the human lump becoming the next Andrew Tate? Tune in next week to find out!
Writing for TOS does seem like the next logical jump for him.
It’s cheaper and more efficient to just plant trees.
And we should tear down houses to make room for those trees.
She screamed, red-faced, flush-chested; screamed like a feral animal chewing off its foot to escape a trap.
Klingon foreplay?
It seems like every time I hear from Fetterlump in the Media lately, it’s them going after him for saying something reasonable and sane about policy or politics.
This seems to have coincided (by my recollection) with the disappearance of the lump…
Well, this seems about the best explanation for all of it.
I think we should call it “Algernon’s Lump” or just “Algernon,” in tribute.
Thanks, SF. The Brothers Karamazov was perfect.
This was an outstanding episode, sugarfree.