I have a particularly vivid memory of being annoyed during the lesson on counseling, which is the process sergeants are supposed to use to coach or reprimand subordinates. We were in small groups and each group had written more or less the same words on our whiteboards. The first two groups said basically the same thing, and so when my group’s turn came, the rest of my group immediately ran away. I suppose they expected me to have some choice words to say and they were right.
I said: so they wrote these words on the board. Does anyone not know what they mean? The instructor demanded that I explain them as the other groups did and I said I’m not explaining elementary school vocabulary to a room full of people who all have at least a high school diploma. Well, the instructor was not pleased and ended up giving me a negative counseling. In a work of fiction, this would be foreshadowing. Like many of the other people who have demeaned me over the years, he too was much taller than me.
Another sergeant there flicked me in the ear for no apparent reason. He too was a big, tall guy. So much for being an expert and a professional. One of my favorite sayings is everything weak feels itself attacked if touched. I try to shrug off such things.
Nonetheless, I passed the course, if something so pointless even deserves that name and returned to Fort Gordon where I got promoted two months later. As is customary, I gave a little speech, which went:
***
I have three things to say. First, Harry Truman cheated on the eye exam to get into the Army. Second, my favorite quote is from an ancient Greek historian named Thucydides, who said that the key to happiness is freedom and the key to freedom is courage. And third, Sergeant Harty has a nice ring to it.
***
Several people later told me it was the best promotion speech they ever heard. While I mission, I would post jokes and fun facts in the group chat. I figure it was a way to boost morale and practice comedy. My favorite quip I posted was:
***
The Army has its ups and downs, but I’ll say this much: I never saw a kid playing with a bunch of little plastic hippies.
***
My other favorite quip was to say that NSA is the only part of the government that actually listens.
In August of 2019, I went on a monthlong road trip. The turn-around point was in Oregon. I got to go on many road trips in the Army while on leave and driving between assignments. The military park pass is a wonderful fringe benefit that allows active-duty military to get into all national parks for free, and I made great use of it. I fell in love with Wyoming during my trip through it that August. I’ve been to 49 states, and I don’t need to see Hawaii to pick a favorite. America the Beautiful is not just a song.
Unfortunately, I gained about 24 pounds during that road trip, and to make things worse, I was informed upon my return that I would have a weigh-in and a fitness test in a month. I was unhappy, because I had done both those things before my trip in anticipation of my weight gain. Nonetheless, over the next month, I walked about 200 miles while eating very carefully and was able to pass both tests. Speaking of tests, I took 18 Arabic tests over 3 years and passed 16 of them. My best performance was in the spring of 2018 when I passed the tests for standard, Iraqi, Levantine, Saudi, Sudanese, and Yemeni Arabic.
I struggled with weight the whole time I was in the Army. At DLI, I was in danger of being kicked out for failing a body fat measurement test. So that led to a period of frenzied exercise while at the same time trying to keep up with my Arabic studies. A similar cycle happened a few times at Fort Gordon, but somehow, I was always able to lose enough weight in time. The Army spends an unreasonable amount of time measuring weight, body fat, and fitness of its soldiers. I recall seeing a table which stated that about 90% of the jobs in the Army require only moderate levels of fitness. Some soldiers do dangerous and unhealthy things to keep their weight down while others injure themselves as they strive to score higher on fitness tests. Still others suffer career-ending injuries while training for skills that have little benefit in the wars that are likely to come.
A soldier I met at DLI suffered a career-ending injury during a jump at airborne school. His line didn’t release so he banged into the airplane a few times and was knocked out. Fortunately, his chute opened, and he regained consciousness before he hit the ground. The worst part is that he made it all the way through the Arabic course and never worked a day on mission. There but for the grace of God go I. The Army has lost more soldiers to suicide and accidents than combat every year since 2006. The best solution in my opinion is to promote people based on ASVAB scores rather than the peculiar cocktail of fitness, marksmanship, and online courses the Army prefers. There’s a reason why military officers are required to have college degrees, which is that college graduates are generally smarter and less likely to make decisions that get people killed for no good reason.
I lived in barracks the whole time I was in the Army and spent the last 2 years in the same room at Fort Gordon. Sergeants who live in the barracks get the room to themselves, which is nice perk. I had a bed, fridge, dressers, closet, desk, bathroom, and microwave. A similar room would cost about $1,000 per month in most places. Not having to pay rent is nice way to save $12,0000 per year easily. I drove the same car I bought for $3,000 in 2014 the whole time I was in the Army and between some inheritance and frugal habits, saved up about 5 years of living expenses. That would come in very handy later.
Fort Gordon
During the Confederate invasion of Pennsylvania, Gordon’s brigade occupied Wrightsville on the Susquehanna River, the farthest east in Pennsylvania that any organized Confederate troops would reach. Union militia under Col. Jacob G. Frick burned a mile-and-a-quarter-long covered wooden bridge to prevent Gordon from crossing the river, and the fire soon spread to parts of Wrightsville. Gordon’s troops formed a bucket brigade and managed to prevent further destruction to the town.
At the Battle of Gettysburg on July 1, Gordon’s brigade and other units drove the Union XI Corps from Barlow’s Knoll. There, he aided the opposing division commander, Francis Barlow, who was wounded. This incident led to a story about the two officers meeting later in Washington, D.C., Gordon unaware that Barlow had survived the battle. The story was told by Barlow and Gordon and published in newspapers and in Gordon’s postwar memoir. Seated at Clarkson Potter’s table, I asked Barlow: “General, are you related to the Barlow who was killed at Gettysburg?” He replied: “Why, I am the man, sir. Are you related to the Gordon who killed me?” “I am the man, sir,” I responded. No words of mine can convey any conception of the emotions awakened by those startling announcements. Nothing short of an actual resurrection from the dead could have amazed either of us more. Thenceforward, until his untimely death in 1896, the friendship between us which was born amidst the thunders of Gettysburg was greatly cherished by both.
ββJohn B. Gordon, Reminiscences of the Civil War
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_B._Gordon
Most historians believe this nice little story told by Gordon never happened.
The story of him ordering his men to return the salute from Chamberlain’s is also a polite fiction, so I read.
βHistory is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.β
-Napoleon
Counseling: https://taskandpurpose.com/uploads/2021/12/29/wall-to-wall-counsing-regulation.pdf
The guy who gave me the negative counseling looked like High Tower from Police Academy, was in fact a cop, and some of the other students were shocked that he didn’t just beat me like a Hong Kong gong. One said something like “Jesus, do you carry your balls in a wheelbarrow? That guy’s hands are as big as the end of shovel!”
Of course, it’s not really a good look for a cop and middle-aged staff sergeant in the National Guard to pummel a guy a foot shorter than him. So instead, he wrote a long-winded nastygram which he insisted on reading to me word-for-word like I’m illiterate. God, there are way too many overgrown, juvenile delinquents in the Army in positions of authority. By all means dingus, tell me the life lessons you’ve learned from barbed wire tattoo you go after you went back to your fourth wife for the third time to give her a second chance to make a first class fool out of you.
Well, joke’s on him. Another instructor stole counseling an hour later and ripped it up. Welcome to the Corps of Non-commissioned Officers, where there are no rules and the (promotion/IQ) points don’t matter.
Oh well. I made it through the Army’s Direct IQ Reduction Program (DIRP).
I’m also pleased to say the worst fight I got into in the Army resulted mere bruises to the backs of my arms. I’ve gotten worse from falling on my own fat ass.
Thereβs a reason why military officers are required to have college degrees, which is that college graduates are generally smarter and less likely to make decisions that get people killed for no good reason.
π
Glad I refreshed before replying.
Grant and Lee were graduates of the top college of the day. History shows both got people killed for no good reason.
Hence my qualifying adverbs.
As long as we’re cherry-picking, I present the following to bolster my assertion:
***
William Calley was the Army officer responsible for the My Lai massacre. On his wiki page:
“Calley graduated from Miami Edison High School in Miami and then attended Palm Beach Junior College in 1963. He dropped out in 1964 after receiving unsatisfactory grades, consisting of one C, two Ds, and four Fs.”
Not everyone who does badly in school is an idiot, but most idiots do badly in school. Yet somehow, he scored high enough on the entrance exam for Officer Candidate School. Maybe he got his act together. It could also be that the exam was a joke.
I don’t know what it took to get into OCS in the mid 60s, but I have seen the current OCS application. It has sections on physical & mental health, education (4-year degree is required), criminal background, political/patriotism questions, and requests for multiple references. I think you needed a letter from a Congresscitter too. For some reason, you also have to submit a picture of yourself wearing a business suit- I guess the Army prefers photogenic officers.
***
In the mid 60s, VN era, I went to Infantry OCS at Benning, we were about 40% college grads, 60 % prior service. Th college grads had a much better graduation rate than the retreads. One reason was they were fresh from basic and AIT and in good physical shape. Over all we had about a 40% attrition rate. I got a branch transfer to Signal Corps, the only one in my class. For the most part the college guys were not career minded, had a two year obligation after commissioning. Probably 90 % or more went to VN.
By ’72 there was an overage of younger officers, a reduction in force (RIF) eliminated many, many I thought were quality people. That went on a couple more times and by about ’75 everything was back in balance. I retired in ’76, has 2 years of college by that time.
My personal opinion is that
1) the credentialism that infects the civilian world, also makes it there
2) it’s not British Army level, but there’s a snobbery and desire by the gentlemen by act of Congress to keep the riff riff out.
3) ex post facto justification for spending 4 years in ROTC instead of cleaning shitters and policing rocks.
Some jarhead was making chin music about how mustangs (guys who go from enlisted to officer) are like “merchants marrying into the aristocracy” and are eroding the oh-so precious culture of commissioned officers.
Jesus, I’d call that guy a cunt, but he lacks both the depth and the warmth.
Yo Niedermeyer – go win a war, you pompous shithead
Oh bonus, the guy’s name is Ivan Snook. That’s practically a Car Talk joke about their Russian cat burglar.
I was at Gordon a couple times, my son was born in the military hospital, the old wooden WW2 style buildings. I got promoted to SFC E-7 there, with less than 6 years in the Army. A post wide promotion board.
Four years later went through Officer’s Basic there.
I really hope to go the distance, but as it became increasingly obvious that the Army would not work out for me in the long run, I started looking for an expedited exit. All in all, I’m glad I did it, I’m glad it’s over, and that I left with all the body parts I came in with and most of my sanity. Some guys join the Army and get an early grave.
Sic transit gloria mundi.
The soundtrack for this series would include the Monty Python Theme Song, Spanish Flea, and Entry of the Gladiators. Maybe also Dare to be Stupid and They’re Coming to Take Me Away.
Breaking News
***
A US-owned vessel has been hit by a missile off Yemen’s coast amid air strikes against Houthis.
According to the UK Maritime Trade Operations, an “incident” happened 95 nautical miles southeast of Yemen’s port city of Aden after “master reports port side of vessel hit from above by a missile.”
***
As a guy who spent many hours studying Yemeni Arabic, I feel compelled to note that Houthi is the name of the tribe, and the actual militant group it gets conflated with is Ansarallah (God’s Helpers). As usual, the US media gets is wrong. But by all means, let’s stick our collective dicks in that hornet’s nest.
“A US-owned vessel has been hit by a missile”
LBJ’s Gulf of Tonkin revisited. Maybe Biden thinks he will get re-elected if he can start a war over a fictional event.
I love the passive voice glossing over the fact that the American “owned” vessel was conducting air attacks in Yemen when it was hit back.
Eh, same article says it was a cargo ship:
***
The intelligence firm Ambrey confirmed the vessel struck by a missile near Yemen is a US-owned, Marshall Islands-flagged bulk carrier. The ship is owned by Eagle Bulk, a Stamford, Connecticut-based firm traded on the New York Stock Exchange.
***
Legally that is not an American ship. Owned by a US entity, but the fact it is registered in, and flies the flag of, the Marshall Islands means it is their ship. Let them send their navy to protect it.
To your point on officers having college degrees means they are “smart”, I disagree. It means they displayed the discipline to punch the tickets to get a degree so hopefully they have some internal discipline as an officer. For the Army a degree is a degree and it most times doesn’t matter what it is in. I think a better judge is to see who competes in the Special Operation Forces Assessment Courses. As long as they complete it, even if they are not selected, it shows a commitment to trying to attain above the average.
Spoken as a former ROTC instructor and graduate of all three SOF branch qualifying courses. My view might be skewed by that.
They kind of did. Their navy is the US Navy.
https://mh.usembassy.gov/our-relationship/policy-history/
More cherry-picking from me. Wiki says on Stormin’ Norman that:
***
Schwarzkopf graduated valedictorian out of his class of 150, and his IQ was tested at 168.
***
That is certainly above average. He began his career as an infantry officer and did well in combat. No snake-eating for him. I think West Point is overrated, but I do have some respect for those who jump out of perfectly good airplanes. I had fun when I did that. Once was enough for me.
I did stand-up comedy later that evening while wearing that same shirt. Good times.
Once was enough? I had to do it 5 times, twice in dark.
+5 jump chump
I forgot to link the video of moi:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mo0xmhJC-g
Ship valuation service VesselsValue shows 64,000-dwt, Marshall Islands-flagged Eagle Bulk carrier Gibraltar Eagle in the general vicinity of the reported missile strike, with the latest AIS report from just after 13:00 on 15 January saying the vessel is under way, sailing fully laden with an armed guard escort on board.
Hit by whose missile?
It’s a shame that such a critical transport route is surrounded by… unpleasant populations.
I smell ‘escalation’ in the air.
So, near as I can tell, Biden ordered a massive cyberattack on Iran in late 2021 before essentially handing them billions of dollars two years later. After that, Iran egged its proxy Hamas into launching the deadliest attack on Israel ever.
How stupid do our leaders have to be to fail at predicting that? Is fomenting chaos the goal?
Fuck me running, the Joint Chiefs of Staff should all take turns slapping each other until their arms are tired.
And now we have a nice war brewing with Yemen while we are already mired in two other proxy wars with no end in sight.
I never want to hear another word about how Democrats are anti-war.
The JCS is beyond help. McMasters wrote the book and proceeded to use it as a how to manual.
Sadly, being anti-war probably wouldn’t win the upcoming election. For Biden, I mean.
Why is tonight’s game in Tampa Bay when the Eagles have a better record?
Tampa won their division. The Cowboys won the NFC East.
Thanks. I expected the Eagles to dominate tonight. Boy was I wrong.
The Iggles lost five of their last six heading into the postseason. Theyβre lucky to even be here.
They are… not good. WTF.
Safety – LOL
You haven’t been paying attention to them for the last ficking six weeks.
This is true. I hardly watched any football this season.
For the discerning disc golfer
https://www.ebay.com/itm/285654630052
I know what you’re getting Yusef for Christmas.
Day 3 of cabin fever. Car is encased in ice and road is much the same. Wish my truck was here, but perhaps better it isn’t. No way am I driving the missus’ VW until it unfreezes. Maybe tomorrow but could be Wed/Thu. At least the internet is back now so can work from home and see y’all reprobates.
Heh.
https://babylonbee.com/news/terrified-texans-open-fire-on-strange-white-stuff-falling-from-sky
Righteous! I wonβt miss them or their fans.
https://babylonbee.com/news/increased-precipitation-across-nation-revealed-to-be-cowboys-fans-tears
Trump is on his way to a record-setting margin of victory in the caucuses. I assume new indictments will be announced tomorrow in various blue cities across the land.
Indictments are the new Russia collusion hoax.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw2BVI9OhC4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0krkHRBaVI
And now you know why we keep spending money to prop up Ukraine.
I think they have already served their purpose.
I saw that Nikki was trailing Ron, which pleased me.
My wife is half joking about waking up tomorrow morning and finding Nikki actually won the Iowa caucuses.
This game is a crime scene.
/considers flipping back to The Office marathon… and I don’t like The Office
How’s Babylon 5 going?
Nowhere since the last time you asked.
If I remember correctly you are somewhere in season 3.
*I* don’t remember correctly.
I’m just not in a “place” to take it up again right now.
I’ll leave it alone… for now. π
I react to relentless bureaucratic stupidity, a dramatic reenactment:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWotE8IY_YQ
Well done Derpe.
Scene from Afghanistan sometime before everything went pear-shaped:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLhvwpiH0sQ
I would *very* much like to know why this elite, tier-1, delta force power ranger is unable to give basic commands in the language of the military he is supposed to be helping.
Oh well. I’m sure his body fat percentage is just *fabulous*. Pay no attention to the fact that Teddy Roosevelt was 40, fat, and had asthma when he fought famously.
I try not to be overly critical, negative, and cynical, particularly about things I have not experienced directly. Sometimes, the stupidity is so egregious that I can’t help myself.
My child is on the road at 10p, in β4F (heat index β16F) cold, with it having snowed all day, nothing plowed at all. I was out in this earlier at 3p and it was nasty then.
I am a nervous fucking wreck right now.
Gah?
Why not?
It was snowing all day and the plows are backed up and the chemicals don’t work at this temp.
Dayum. I’m only just getting used to this sub-zero shit again after some decades.
Our big snow last week came at around 32 degrees and then it all melted away the next day.
Now we’re dipping into the teens and single digits but no snow or ice. Yet.
Also known as “January”, Laura Ingalls.
Okay, she’s home. The roads outside of my little municipality are decent. Imagine that. π
Molto bene.
Glad she made it home safely.
π
Huzzah!
Need to sleep soon. Enjoy this clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoNVC0oNdKs
It elicited an [anguished Zoidberg groan] from me.
Where’s my shocked face at?
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/vivek-ramaswamy-ends-presidential-bid-following-iowa-caucuses
“America the Beautiful is not just a song.”
In Korean, The United States is ‘mi-guk,’ λ―Έκ΅, which means ‘Beautiful country.’
Nailed it. ‘American exceptionalism’ is wholly correct on that front. Everything and everything for everyone.
“mi-guk” is pronounced like “ME-gook.’
Same in Mandarin: ηΎε½ mΔiguΓ³
I can barely write my name legibly in English. Since childhood. (Being lefty doesn’t help.) No way in fuck I could write Mandarin/ many other Asian languages.
Korean is… indeed a glorious invention of written language. A straight-up national creation, designed for simplicity. Better, easier, for The People to be literate.
Lefty also. And the stroke order sucks.
Yes, “me gook” is funny for a white guy to get used to saying there. But no one ever joked about it, honestly. Β―\_(γ)_/Β―
(We had far more shit to make fun of and get used to.)
Rip Trixie
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joyce_Randolph
99 and some change, nice run, if not about 10 or 20 too long.
I was just thinking that Babylon Bee needed to up their game since reality is proving more ridiculous than parody.
And then they dropped this gem:
https://babylonbee.com/news/after-lackluster-showing-nikki-haley-bombs-iowa
Mornin peeps.
I hear snow plows outside. I might not even get to use the snow setting this morning. π
ββ.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=88ifybS97aA
Unplugged music is good music . πΆπΆ
Unplugged music
Morning, Glibs.
Good morning, U, Ted’S., Sean, and hayek!
I went out yesterday afternoon – leaving the house for the first time since Friday – to start up and clean the little bit of snow off my car, and now it has snow all over it again. π
ππ¨β?
Ummmm…..yes?
Sorry, I was trying to indicate driving away and leaving the snow behind…
Well, I am headed south this morning, but not far enough.
You are going to have to drive rather far south to leave the cold behind.
Broke a hammer breaking ice yesterday for stock tanks….. How did i do that?
Good morning, ‘bodru! All your critters still faring OK in this cold?
I can only assume you used the wrong hammer.
Animals are ok but hungry. They ate a “3x3x3” bale of grass very quickly. So cold tractor wont start. Been giving them bales of grass from garage.
Been taking warm water in buckets to refill/melt stock tanks.
Mornin’, reprobates. Iggles and Clownboys got smoked over the weekend, nice hot cup of covfefe in hand, all is right with the world. Let it snow!
Good morning, ‘patzie! I’m glad you’re glad, but please don’t say the “s” word right now. π
Oops. That ‘s’ thing is better from the inside looking out, I don’t need to deal with it. Safe travels.
Morning! Little in the way of being productive at the house this weekend. Worked on the kitchen half-wall/bar whatever. Moved some electrical. It was the garbage disposal and dishwasher switches. Moved them to outlets instead where the dishwasher was (we aren’t going to have one) and the other to under the sink. Might move that one again or abandon that circuit. We don’t have a disposal either.
I am sure none of it is up to code. However, we did eat here with some family.
Good morning, OBE!
You’re not going to have a dishwasher or a garbage disposal?? π³
Yum. That shrimp boil does look tasty.
Well with just two of us, we just hand wash. Wash as we cook, wash as soon as we are done eating. I guess during a party it might be a bit of a hassle, but that is what paper plates are for π
The no disposal is a bit weird but just requires adjusting some cleaning methods. Hasn’t been a hassle so far.
I got the shrimp boil…it was very tasty. Nice atmosphere there too and close to NKY University so servers were…pretty to look at!
Thank G_d its not what I was expecting- that Papadeux’s joint in Fairfield.
Do not recommend unless you want to pay too much for some mediocre food.
Good morning!
I have… thoughts responding to the open post, but I’ll hold it until 8:30.
https://www.breitbart.com/local/2024/01/15/photos-it-was-our-honor-world-war-ii-veteran-celebrates-101st-birthday-at-hooters/
I would have picked Titled Kilt or Twin Peaks…better food and better women. Hell of a run though.
Those might not exist in El Paso.
suh’ fam
whats goody