If you have anger issues, this one is a great tool (h/t mindyourbusiness)
This week’s book:
Discourses and Selected Writings
Disclaimer: I’m not your Supervisor. These are my opinions after reading through these books a few times.
Epictetus was born a slave around 50 ad. His owner was Epaphroditus, a rich freedman who was once a slave of Nero. Though he was a slave Epictetus was sent to study philosophy under Musonius Rufus.
Epictetus was lame and there are some stories it was caused by his master and others that it was caused by disease.
He was a freedman when all philosophers were banished from Rome in 89 by the Emperor Domitian. He then started his school in Greece, and had many students. He did not leave any writings from his lessons, but one of his students, Flavius Arrian, took notes and wrote the Discourses.
Epictetus did not marry, had no children, and lived to be around 80-85. In retirement, he adopted a child that would have been abandoned and raised him with a woman.
He died sometime around AD 135.
He might be my favorite Stoic teacher. I love his bare bones and very straight forward approach.
Following is a paragraph-by-paragraph discussion of one of his lessons. Epictetus’s text appears in bold, my replies are in normal text.
How must we struggle against our external impressions?
Every habit and faculty is confirmed and strengthened by the corresponding actions, that of walking by walking, that of running by running. If you wish to be a good reader, read; if you wish to be a good writer, write. If you should give up reading for thirty days one after the other, and be engaged in something else, you will know what happens. So also if you lie in bed for ten days, get up and try to take a rather long walk, and you will see how wobbly your legs are. In general, therefore, if you want to do something, make a habit of it; if you want not to do something, refrain from doing it, and accustom yourself to something else instead.
I am working on this. After 6 months with no running, I am trying to get back in the habit. I have been running for 2 weeks now. I have many excuses, my dog died, then we went on vacation, then it was Christmas and New years, then I kept saying to myself,”I’ll start next week”. When I was running regularly, my legs weren’t tired and I would still have energy after running in the morning. Right now after I run, I am exhausted. I try not to mentally compare where I am with where I was, but it is easy to hate myself for it.
5The same principle holds true in the affairs of the mind also; when you are angry, you may be sure, not merely that this evil has befallen you, but also that you have strengthened the habit, and have, as it were, added fuel to the flame. When you have yielded to someone in carnal intercourse, do not count merely this one defeat, but count also the fact that you have fed your incontinence, you have given it additional strength. For it is inevitable that some habits and faculties should, in consequence of the corresponding actions, spring up, though they did not exist before, and that others which were already there should be intensified and made strong.
Anger is an easy one for me to fall into. Overall, I do well, but sometimes I slip. On these occasions I have to look at myself and see why I am so easily angered. 90% of the time it’s because I am hungry. My wife says I am a walking Snickers “You’re not you when you’re hungry” commercial. The more I avoid those situations and control myself, the better I get at doing it.
In this way, without doubt, the infirmities of our mind and character spring up, as the philosophers say. For when once you conceive a desire for money, if reason be applied to bring you to a realization of the evil, both the passion is stilled and our governing principle is restored to its original authority; but if you do not apply a remedy, your governing principle does not revert to its previous condition, but, on being aroused again by the corresponding external impression, it bursts into the flame of desire more quickly than it did before. And if this happens over and over again, the next stage is that a callousness results and the infirmity strengthens the avarice. 10For the man who has had a fever, and then recovered, is not the same as he was before the fever, unless he has experienced a complete cure. Something like this happens also with the affections of the mind. Certain imprints and weals are left behind on the mind, and unless a man erases them perfectly, the next time he is scourged upon the old scars, he has weals no longer but wounds. If, therefore, you wish not to be hot-tempered, do not feed your habit, set before it nothing on which it can grow. As the first step, keep quiet and count the days on which you have not been angry. “I used to be angry every day, after that every other day, then every third, and then every fourth day.” If you go as much as thirty days without a fit of anger, sacrifice to God. For the habit is first weakened and then utterly destroyed. “To-day I was not grieved” (and so the next day, and thereafter for two or three months); “but I was on my guard when certain things happened that were capable of provoking grief.” Know that things are going splendidly with you.
I haven’t gone 30 days without a little flash of anger showing up, but I an usually control it and get my mentality straight by stopping and thinking about why I am getting angry at an inanimate object. Asking myself this makes me feel foolish and gets the anger out of my system pretty easily. the more I practice this, the better it works and the less that it happens in the first place.
15To-day when I saw a handsome lad or a handsome woman I did not say to myself, “Would that a man might sleep with her,” and “Her husband is a happy man,” for the man who uses the expression “happy” of the husband means “Happy is the adulterer” also; I do not even picture to myself the next scene—the woman herself in my presence, disrobing and lying down by my side. I pat myself on the head and say. Well done, Epictetus, you have solved a clever problem, one much more clever than the so-called “Master”[1]: But when the wench is not only willing, but nods to me and sends for me, yes, and when she even lays hold upon me and snuggles up to me, if I still hold aloof and conquer, this has become a solved problem greater than The Liar, and The Quiescent.[2] On this score a man has a right to be proud indeed, but not about his proposing “The Master” problem.
I don’t really have a problem with these kind of temptations, being married for 30 years makes that easy. When I was younger, I was more likely to fall into that trap, but I was never a dirt bag about it. Luckily, I met my wife when I was 19 so I got into the habit of only having one woman at a young age.
How, then, may this be done? Make it your wish finally to satisfy your own self, make it your wish to appear beautiful in the sight of God. Set your desire upon becoming pure in the presence of your pure self and of God. 20“Then when an external impression of that sort comes suddenly upon you,” says Plato,[3] “go and offer an expiatory sacrifice, go and make offering as a suppliant to the sanctuaries of the gods who avert evil”; it is enough if you only withdraw “to the society of the good and excellent men,” and set yourself to comparing your conduct with theirs, whether you take as your model one of the living, or one of the dead. Go to Socrates and mark him as he lies down beside Alcibiades[4] and makes light of his youthful beauty. Bethink yourself how great a victory he once won and knew it himself, like an Olympic victory, and what his rank was, counting in order from Heracles[5]; so that, by the gods, one might justly greet him with the salutation, “Hail, wondrous man!” for he was victor over something more than these rotten boxers and pancratiasts, and the gladiators who resemble them. If you confront your external impression with such thoughts, you will overcome it, and not be carried away by it. But, to begin with, be not swept off your feet, I beseech you, by the vividness of the impression, but say, “Wait for me a little, O impression; allow me to see who you are, and what you are an impression of; allow me to put you to the test.” 25And after that, do not suffer it to lead you on by picturing to you what will follow. Otherwise, it will take possession of you and go off with you wherever it will. But do you rather introduce and set over against it some fair and noble impression, and throw out this filthy one. And if you form the habit of taking such exercises, you will see what mighty shoulders you develop, what sinews, what vigour; but as it is, you have merely your philosophic quibbles, and nothing more.
Self control is a wonderful thing. I need to control my urges to stay awake too late and not eat junk food. Both of these interfere with my desire to get back into shape. On days when I am sleepy, it is too easy to not go running on schedule. I feel much more alert and successful on the days that I stick to my plans. This does not always stop me from screwing myself over with my actions. The more consistent I am, the easier it is to do what I have decided that I need to do and not just what I want to do.
The man who exercises himself against such external impressions is the true athlete in training. Hold, unhappy man; be not swept along with your impressions! Great is the struggle, divine the task; the prize is a kingdom, freedom, serenity, peace. Remember God; call upon Him to help you and stand by your side, just as voyagers, in a storm, call upon the Dioscuri. For what storm is greater than that stirred up by powerful impressions which unseat the reason? As for the storm itself, what else is it but an external impression? 30To prove this, just take away the fear of death, and then bring on as much thunder and lightning as you please, and you will realize how great is the calm, how fair the weather, in your governing principle.[6] But if you be once defeated and say that by and by you will overcome, and then a second time do the same thing, know that at last you will be in so wretched a state and so weak that by and by you will not so much as notice that you are doing wrong, but you will even begin to offer arguments in justification of your conduct; and then you will confirm the truth of the saying of Hesiod:
Forever with misfortunes dire must he who loiters cope.[7]
Being a weak man isn’t good for my outlook on myself and it doesn’t help me to improve myself. Getting out of breath playing with my Husky puppy is an embarrassment that I have to live with right now because of choices I made in the past. In June, when he is a year old, I plan to take him running with me. This goal helps to keep me focused, because he has too much energy to just play with a little. Had a setback this week with a severe sinus headache preventing me from running, but it has finally gone away tonight, so I will get back at it on Friday afternoon. I used to try to run with the headache, but as soon as my heart rate goes up, my sinus is bumping along and it is guaranteed to get worse after that happens.
Music this week is from The Dead South’s new album. It is really good, maybe their best one yet.
My wife and I saw them live for the 3rd time in Norfolk on Saturday. They still sound better live than they do on the record.
We were in the front row with my wife in front of me against the security fence right in front of the banjo player. There was a very nice lady with her husband to my left and a guy with his 14 year old daughter to the right. We all got along very well and during the second opening act, a drunk woman came barreling in between the lady and I, sending my wife flying(my wife is 4’10″and skinny, so it doesn’t take a lot).
If it had been a dude, I probably would have wound up in a fight, but I tapped heron the shoulder and told her not to push my wife. She denied doing that, but her friend drug her back a little then the lady next to me told me to slide over close to her so the drunk wouldn’t think there was space.
Then she was behind me loudly complaining about what a bunch of asshole we all were, and I really wanted to tell her that I was surrounded by nice people and 1 asshole, so if she is surrounded by assholes, then she must be the asshole, but I restrained myself.
Happily, her very apologetic friend took her away before the Dead South came out, and all of us had a great time.
The first opening act, Jake Vaadeland and The Sturgeon River Boys were all born about 70 years too late, but they put on a good show.
If you like the Dead South, you should go see them. The nice lady next to me drove up from Florida and a few songs in, I asked her if it was worth it (I had told her earlier that it would be worth the drive) and she couldn’t stop grinning as she told me that I was right.
“On these occasions I have to look at myself and see why I am so easily angered. 90% of the time it’s because I am hungry.”
Thanks, I need to remember that.
See, that’s weird, cuz 90% of the time I’m angry, it’s from someone pissing me off.
I don’t have those problems often, but the drunk lady had me pretty pissed.
I’ve been known to get angry at inanimate objects.
They don’t seem to be offended.
My truck is unmoved by my anger.
Have you tried putting fuel in it?
Which one? The anger or the truck? Or both?
I know what’s wrong with it, ain’t got no gas in it!
It runs just fine, but I get a little miffed at it some times.
Miffed?
I’m miffed off!
“Common Tater on February 23, 2024 at 10:45 am
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2024/02/judge-engoron-accused-banging-secretary-opposing-counsel-previous/
Don’t click on that.”
More like Engorgeron, iykwimaittyd.
Are they selling votive candles with his picture yet?
It should just have his teeth on it.
Alvin Bragg is not very stoic. That politically grandstanding bitch from Arizona is preventing him from politically grandstanding in New York.
Debutante balls are so old hat
Investigations into “child influencer” accounts on Facebook and Instagram have found that Meta is knowingly allowing parents who sexually exploit their children for financial gain on the platform — and in some cases, using Meta’s paid subscription tools to do so.
According to separate reports published by The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal on Thursday, Facebook and Instagram have become a potentially lucrative endeavor for parents who run social media accounts for children — mostly girls — who aren’t old enough to meet the platforms’ minimum 13-year-old age requirements. Several of the “parent-managed minor accounts” investigated sold materials to their large audiences of adult men, including photos of their children in revealing attire, exclusive chat sessions, and their children’s used leotards and cheer outfits.
According to The Wall Street Journal, while these parent-run accounts don’t feature illegal content or nudity, staff at Meta discovered that some parents were knowingly producing material of their children that pedophiles would find sexually gratifying. This included parents having sexually charged conversations about their own children and making them interact with sexual messages sent by subscribers. Meta staff also were allegedly aware that the company’s algorithms promoted subscriptions for accounts that feature child models to suspected pedophiles and that some parents offered additional content of their children on other platforms.
Totally unheard of in the history of parenting.
But twitter is the problem because people on x dare to suggest Covid came from a Chinese lab.
Because of the way Meta’s social media algorithms work, even accounts that aren’t intentionally insidious — like those for child models, athletes, and performers — stand to benefit from gaining large audiences of adult men.
No fucking way.
If, therefore, you wish not to be hot-tempered, do not feed your habit, set before it nothing on which it can grow.
So you’re saying I need a new job?
Maybe, depends on how bad it’s angering you.
If you can learn to not let it get to you, then you don’t have anything to worry about.
That’s where Epictetus’s advice to pause and think about where your feeling about the event comes from makes a difference. Say someone cuts you off in traffic; your first reaction is to call whoever did it everything but a child of God. Meantime, the offender, not knowing or caring how you feel, zooms off and you’re left with a choice – get enraged over what he/she/it did or accept that there’ll always be morons on your team and that it didn’t harm you. Got to admit the latter choice is easier on the nerves.
That’s why you need turret-mounted carpoons.
I like to be like Otto from A Fish Named Wanda do something dumb and then yell “ASSHOLE!” as I speed away.
Not really, but that always makes me laugh when I imagine that’s what the other person did.
I usually just say “The stewards are going to have to look at that one Crofty.”
I will be adding a new family member in a few months, and we’re considering an Au Pair this time ’round so we don’t go crazy…
And with my car recently having some mechanical issues I will be needing to turn that in an get something new.
Anyone have experience actually fitting 5 people in a crossover or compact SUV that ‘seats 5’?
The other option is a minivan, but I’m cheap, so not sure which way to go.
They fit if you forego things like carseats.
That is a non-negotiable factor…
Well, it might be useful for the driver, but you can stack far more people in the same interior space if your remove them…
Does a cargo net work in lieu of seat belts?
A minivan is definitely cheaper than a mid or full-sized SUV. My wife has a compact SUV, those 5 people better really like each other and not have a lot of stuff.
Agreed. Small SUVs just don’t do it. For 5 people it’s a minivan or a full size three-row SUV. And the minivan will have cheaper tires, (possibly) better mileage, and is easier to park.
Try to stick with a naturally aspirated engine too, if you really haul 5 people around. Turbos will not get good mileage fully loaded. A six-cylinder engine with close to 300 HP would be preferred.
Agreed on minivan vs. larger SUV, I’m not looking to take on that kind of costs, especially when minivans are so versatile.
I am loving my Compass Trailhawk more than I thought I would. Make sure you get the upgraded headlights trim level.
Is that a good long term solution?
Maybe? We would otherwise pay for daycare, aftercare etc. anyway, which is a lot less flexible, but only time will tell.
It might be better than daycare, I’ve always hated that.
We managed last time to get away without it for a year or two, but we had more generous benefits then. My wife now runs her own business and it is a little more complicated due to that.
Depends, is she a hot 20 something who likes older men?
^^
Maybe from an Eastern European country…
Still TBD on those details, I’ll make my pitch to the wife later tonight (11-yr anniversary of our first date today!)
I hear you can get that kind of service for free if you host a migrant. Maybe get a few, and build a little shack in the back yard where they can sleep.
Are we shitlords running short of orphans these days?
So an Au Pair speaks French, a nanny speaks English?
Au Pairs are super cheap (below minimum wage), foreign and lives in your house.
Toyota Highlander would work. Three rows of seats. Nice cars. They have a lot of Lexus in them. And it’s a Toyota, so it’s probably about as bulletproof, maintenance wise, as they come.
They don’t make them with six cylinder engines any more. 2022 was the last year for those.
Not a compact SUV, though. That would be the RAV 4 from Toyota. But not a hulking behemoth SUV, either. I still say they are basically overfed station wagons.
Thanks for the recs.
“The same principle holds true in the affairs of the mind also; when you are angry, you may be sure, not merely that this evil has befallen you, but also that you have strengthened the habit, and have, as it were, added fuel to the flame.”
Stop coming by my workplace and checking in on me!
It’s the face R.J, shows the anger too easily?
Wasn’t supposed to be a question.
Resting fang face. It’s a thing.
Speaking of “if you have anger issues”…
https://www.foxnews.com/us/georgia-nursing-student-found-dead-uga-campus-identified-laken-riley#&_intcmp=fnhpbt4
So, 22-yo coed killed on the UGA campus. What’s your bet on the perp:
– local thug with a known record who’s been in and out of jail for crimes of violence
– part of the invading army
– known sex offender who’s out there in public
– other?
Your options are not mutually exclusive.
Good point. As such, we’ll allow votes that are combos.
Jilted boyfriend always an option.
Ex-boyfriend?
Maga jan6 frat boy after a rape party.
Was heard to have said “This is MAGA country!” as he pulled the trigger.
Deadly threat
A spokesperson for Bulldog Cases told Newsweek that there was no problem with the safes, locks or the mechanical function.
“The safes were produced and shipped in demonstration mode in order to aid the retailers training the customers about the safes. This means that until you program the safe any fingerprint will open the safe. The problems have stemmed from people not programming the safes at all or not programming them properly,” the spokesperson said. “The only change will be to the programming of the vaults. The safes will now ship in safe mode and will not operate until a fingerprint is registered. The original ‘demo mode’ safe and the new ‘safe mode’ safes will function the same once programmed correctly. We take this matter very seriously and are working to help all customers who reach out to us. This is also a voluntary recall.”
This isn’t the first time that gun safes have been recalled out of safety concerns. In October, 2023, Fortress Safe recalled 60,000 biometric gun safes after a programming feature allowed unauthorized access to the safes.
The recall came after a 12-year-old boy died after he obtained a firearm from one of the safes. The boy suffered a lethal gunshot wound to the head, according to a lawsuit obtained by The New York Times. Another 39 incidents of safes being accessed by unpaired fingerprints were reported at the time of the October recall.
At the time, CPSC Commissioner Richard Trumka called the malfunction “the most concerning recall that’s ever come across my desk.” On Thursday, he called the malfunction “widespread” and a “public health emergency.”
“These safes are ticking time bombs,” Trumka said following the current recall.
User error.
They should probably include instructions for setting the fingerprint ID feature. Maybe they already do.
Yeah… that doesn’t sound like a manufacturing problem to me.
Someone should have tought that kid gun handling rules before 12.
The Boy Scouts used to.
I made sure that my nephew knew all of my guns were loaded when they came to visit.
They all weren’t, but some are.
Even if you don’t have guns, you should teach your kids that every gun should be treated as if it’s loaded.
Always store ammo separately (and securely)..
/Do as I say, not as I do
No little kids or big people ever visit, being an isolated introvert has some advantages
“I haven’t gone 30 days without a little flash of anger showing up, but I an usually control it and get my mentality straight by stopping and thinking about why I am getting angry at an inanimate object. Asking myself this makes me feel foolish and gets the anger out of my system pretty easily. the more I practice this, the better it works and the less that it happens in the first place.”
I get angry when I am overwhelmed. Work is a major cause of this. I need to step back and realize I am getting paid no matter what., and if other groups constantly tank my projects and contribute to endless swirl, it isn’t my issue.
Just clench your fists, look at the sky, and scream, “SERENITY NOW!”.
Been there, done that. Heavens opened, the gods appeared, and flipped me the bird. Returned the favor and went about my business.
It helps if there’s a few clouds around to yell at.
It took me a long time in my professional life to stop getting angry at other people breaking things. It’s out of my control, nothing I say or do will make any difference, and it doesn’t help me to add more stress for something that I can’t change. I will however, vociferously call out those people when they start trying to pass the blame around or throw other groups under the bus (on internal calls, I hold that you do not do internal fights with an external customer on the line). It hasn’t necessarily made me a happier person, but it does allow me to just laugh when some group does a self inflicted outage and starts yelling about how important it is and how the change they did “couldn’t have effected anything!”
The only thing that bothers me is figer pointing and lying.
We don’t have those issues often, but I do not deal well with liars.
I have a fairly good memory for details, and I’m one of those IT people who will overdocument a note rather than skimping (for the internal notes, I’d like to think I’ve learned my lesson about going too technical in external notes for end users). I’d like to think that if the proverbial bus took me out, someone else would be able to get up to speed on tickets I’ve been working on fairly quickly. I’m also a stickler for the CYA documentation. I don’t care if you said something to me over the phone, if you want me to make a change to something, I need it either in an e-mail or a ticket so it’s documented.
Same. I document the crap out of things. That just came up, another team is moving ahead with a project I proposed two years ago. Good for them. Boss asked me why didn’t we come up with it? I threw out the 32 page recommendation document, with pricing.
I have a fantastic memory – But I still write down things I don’t do evey day so I don’t have to rely on my memory.
If my documents help someone else, so be it. But that’s secondary to making sure I don’t misplace pertinent information.
Documentation is of course a large component of my job that 90% of the techs neglect. Cause of the nature that there is a possibility I would have to defend my paper work in court in the event of a accident, my documentation is on point.
No little kids or big people ever visit, being an isolated introvert has some advantages
#METOO
Getting angry with an inanimate object seems kind of silly. Anger has it’s place, however, as a teaching point over a safety issue.
When that lawnmower won’t start no matter what you do….
Sometimes you have to teach it a lesson.
I found a guy that will pick up, fix and deliver. Adds $50 to the bill. Cheap and easy.
It is silly, but in the last few years, it became an issue for me.
I didn’t used to have that problem.
One of my employees told me when I looked over the top of my glasses he knew enough to be quiet, he knew I was serious.
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/02/democrats-congress-trump-january-6/677545/
So proposing your own insurrection? I need to find an inanimate object to get angry at.
Are they nervous they can’t fortify their way to victory?
Genuinely puzzled here.
Ground work to justify why it is okay for then to do what they accused him of trying to do if he does win.
I think Biden is that bad that any fortification might be obvious. And there are too many armed people, and states like Texas that might secede, for them to just steal it out in the open. They’re priming us for what they are going to do, and just like they did with mail in ballots, they’re going to craft a narrative and censor the crap out of anyone who throws shade on it.
Wrong on both counts.
Source: 2020
Yeah, I thought 202 was a pretty blatant steal unless you were thoroughly immersed in the Narrative bubble.
*deletes long post relitigating 2020*
I know some here disagree, and think Biden won without any cheating.
House Democrats suggest that they might not certify a Trump win on January 6.
He’s an illegitimate candidate, so it’s the only responsible thing to do.
We had to destroy democracy to save it.
Oh man, that miami vacation mom in the morning links…I try not to wish cancer on people, but, fuck her.
She added that she had never been taught financial literary…
That meets the definition of irony, yeah? A “professional writer” misspelling literacy, in a piece about an ignorant cunt.
“Every habit and faculty is confirmed and strengthened by the corresponding actions, that of walking by walking, that of running by running.”
I like this and actually can testify. Years ago when I was younger I liked photography as far as reading about photography in books and magazines to get an understanding of the technology and techniques. I went on a photography forum and looked at images and read critiques of the images to understand what made a photo a good photo or bad. Then after years of this reading it dawned on me that I didn’t own a decent camera for actually doing photography. So I bought a camera and became decent at taking sports action photos.
You are what you do.
PSA: Be on the lookout for Christian Nationalists. They may believe your rights do not come from government.
https://notthebee.com/article/if-you-think-rights-come-from-god-and-not-government-congrats-msnbc-says-you-arent-a-christian-youre-a-christian-nationalist
I saw that. What a knob. Sadly I think a lot of morons think like that.
Of course they do.
Government is their higher authority.
Founding Fathers hardest hit.