Too Local: Seymour Burger Fest

by | Feb 14, 2024 | Travel | 112 comments

About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

112 Comments

  1. Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

    Highly educational, and highly tasty!

  2. Derpetologist

    There is some controversy about who invented the hamburger, but there is no such confusion about Salisbury steak.

    ***
    James Henry Salisbury (October 13, 1823 – August 23, 1905) was an American physician, and the inventor of the Salisbury steak.

    Salisbury served as a physician during the American Civil War, and became convinced that diarrhea suffered by the troops could be controlled with a diet of coffee and lean chopped beefsteak.

    Salisbury was one of the earliest health food faddists and taught that diet was the main determinant of health.[2] He believed vegetables and starchy foods produced poisonous substances in the digestive system which were responsible for heart disease, tumors, mental illness and tuberculosis. He believed that human dentition demonstrated that humans were meant to eat meat, and sought to limit vegetables, fruit, starches, and fats to one-third of the diet.[3]

    The Salisbury steak, his means of achieving this goal, is ground beef flavored with onion and seasoning and then broiled[4] and covered with gravy or brown sauce. It was introduced in 1888. Salisbury saw beef as an excellent defense against many different physical problems. He suggested that Salisbury steak should be eaten three times a day, with much hot water to cleanse the digestive system. He was an early American proponent of a low-carbohydrate diet for weight loss, and he promoted his diet for that purpose. His diet became known as the “Salisbury diet”.

    Salisbury steak is similar to a number of other dishes made of ground beef. Its name caught on partly because World War I inspired a movement in English-speaking nations to avoid German-sounding terms such as “hamburger”.
    ***

    • Common Tater

      Controlling diarrhea with coffee?

      • Derpetologist

        It’s an idea that’s just crazy enough to work.

      • Tres Cool

        Im not patting myself on the back, but I read that wiki entry before.
        I think Id been looking for a Salisbury steak recipe and got side-tracked.

      • R.J.

        Well if it doesn’t, at least it comes out clean and fast.

  3. DEG

    Burgertime. I remember that game.

    • Fourscore

      Doesn’t take much to keep some dogs busy and presumably happy

  4. Ownbestenemy

    Thin…blue…line

    • The Last American Hero

      Mostly peaceful protest broadcasts looked like a scene out of a Naked Gun movie.

  5. Derpetologist

    Remain calm, all is well.

    ***
    The ASM-135A anti-satellite missile (ASAT) was the only U.S. air-launched missile ever to destroy a satellite. In the late 1970s, the U.S. anticipated Soviet development of “killer satellites” that could destroy vital U.S. reconnaissance and communication satellites. The anti-satellite missile countered this threat. Airborne tests with “captive” (not launched) ASAT missiles on modified F-15 fighters began in 1982.

    In September 1985, an ASM-135A destroyed a real satellite in a pre-planned test. An F-15A launched the missile at 38,100 feet. Streaking into space, the missile homed in on the U.S. Solwind P78-1 satellite at 345 miles above the Earth, and impacted the one-ton spacecraft at about 15,000 mph.

    The Solwind solar observation satellite was operational but several of its instruments had failed. This, along with other political and technical factors, led to its selection as a target for the ASM-135A. This test was the first and only time a U.S. missile destroyed a satellite.
    ***

    link

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yeah..so now the news can run stories about Russian space weapons as Biden descends into dementia.

      • Tres Cool

        And will any of the talking heads ask a gov’t official “well, what about OUR space-based nukes?”

      • Derpetologist

        If Russia wanted to put a nuke in orbit, they would have done it a long time ago. They used nukes to put out an oil fire one time.

        ***
        In 1963, a gas well in Southern Uzbekistan suffered a blowout at a depth of 2.4 kilometers. The natural gas caught fire and burned steadily for the next three years. This seemingly unquenchable fire was causing the loss of more than 12 million cubic meters of gas each day. That’s enough to supply the needs of many major cities, and roughly the equivalent volume of 12 Empire State buildings.

        No one in the country knew how to put the fires out, and by 1966 all attempts to do so had failed. It was at this point of desperation that dropping a nuclear bomb on the fires seemed like a pretty great idea to engineers and officials.

        Physicists calculated that if a nuclear bomb was detonated at a depth of around 1500 meters and close to the shaft of the well, the resulting pressure could blow out the fire. Researchers ultimately calculated that the bomb needed to be 30 kilotons, or double the power of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima.

        After confirming the calculations, officials decided that a nuclear explosion was the best way to stop the raging fire. In 1966, two boreholes were drilled, sloping towards the blowout region, determined to be at a depth of 1.4 kilometers. The 30 kiloton bomb was lowered into the most promising borehole and then the well itself was backfilled with cement.

        Then, they detonated the bomb.

        There’s no better way to understand what that day was like other than this account from the Soviet newspaper Pravda Vostoka of Tashkent:

        “On that cold autumn day in 1966, an underground tremor of unprecedented force shook the [ground] with a sparse grass cover on white sand. A dusty haze rose over the desert. The orange colored torch of the blazing well diminished, first slowly, then more rapidly, until it flickered and finally died out. For the first time in 1,064 days, quiet descended on the area. The jet-like roar of the gas well had been silenced.”
        ***

        https://interestingengineering.com/science/soviet-engineers-detonated-a-nuke-miles-underground-to-put-out-a-gas-well-fire

  6. rhywun

    Butter burger? Jesus, I’m eating here.

  7. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    ok this is awesome…thanks CPRM!

    • rhywun

      We do apples. 🙄

    • Derpetologist

      Here, it is watermelon. Though for the parade, there was a nice float with a dinosaur theme.

  8. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    We have a Culver’s here. Never been. But you say they have something called a “butter burger”???

    * checks lunchtime schedule for tomorrow *

    • Tres Cool

      We have them scattered around SW Ohio. Good stuff.

    • The Hyperbole

      Don’t get too excited it’s just a mediocre burger with a dollop of butter on the bun.

      • Mojeaux

        Resident Belt-Onion Contrarian is correct.

      • Tres Cool

        Now that Lion’s Choice on the other hand…..

    • Gender Traitor

      Just now got home from dinner at Culver’s! I had my favorite salad of theirs – Cranberry Bacon Bleu with raspberry vinaigrette dressing. Also brought home a “party pack” – four pints of their wonderful frozen custard (three Double Strawberry, which was the Flavor of the Day, and an Andes Mint Avalanche, with which I will undo all the good done by eating the salad.)

      • Tres Cool

        Now I know what to get you for the next holiday.

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        Did…did you say frozen custard???

        WHY DO I HAVE A MEETING AT NOON TOMORROW

      • Tres Cool

        Want me to DoorDash you some ?

  9. pistoffnick

    Culver’s has pretty good cheese curds for fast food.

    • DrOtto

      Yep, we have one near us in TX and while they are not MN State Fair good, they aren’t bad.

  10. Fourscore

    My monitor quit working few days ago, my friend Jeff B sent me one and back in biznuss. Jeff’s OK

    • Tres Cool

      Ill keep one on stand-by in case that one conks out.

      • Fourscore

        Thanks, if you need a couple to fix (and keep) I’d be happy to send ’em.

  11. Derpetologist

    How to play 4-dimensional chess:

    ***
    Vladimir Putin said he would like to see Joe Biden re-elected for a second term, in the Russian president’s first comments on November’s US elections.

    Speaking to Russian state TV, Putin said the current White House occupant was more “experienced” and “predictable” than his predecessor Donald Trump.

    Asked who Russia would like to see win in the likely contest between the pair, Putin replied: “Biden, he’s more experienced. He’s predictable, he’s an old school politician.”

    The Russian leader went on to dismiss concerns over the 81-year-old Mr Biden’s age and mental acuity.

    “When I met Mr Biden three years ago, it’s true, people were already talking about his inabilities, but I saw nothing of the sort,” said Putin.
    But there was a slight sting in the tail of his remarks as he added: “So he banged his head on the helicopter when he was getting out of it — who of us hasn’t banged their head on something?”
    ***

    link

    • Plinker762

      Corrupt dictator prefers corrupt wannabe dictator

      • Tres Cool

        Yeah, I read “experienced and predictable” as not a good thing.
        More like “weak and malleable”.

      • hayeksplosives

        Pretty sure that’s what he’s thinking.

      • The Last American Hero

        Shit, maybe he will invade Poland if Biden gets reelected.

      • Pine_Tree

        Corrupt dictator who’s at least pretty smart and savvy prefers dicking around with idiot reporters just for kicks.

    • rhywun

      Cue four years of non-stop Russia! Russia! Russia!

      That’s how this works, right?

      • R C Dean

        Sure, Jan.

  12. Derpetologist

    CIA and foreign intelligence agencies illegally targeted 26 Trump associates before 2016 Russia collusion claims: report

    ***
    Intelligence related to the alleged surveillance effort is housed in a “10-inch binder,” according to the outlet, which Trump, 77, ordered to be declassified at the end of his presidency and could contain evidence that “multiple US intelligence officials broke laws against spying and election interference.”

    The whereabouts of the alleged thick binder are unknown.

    The Trump campaign and the CIA did not respond to The Post’s requests for comment.
    ***

    link

    • Tres Cool

      Putin has it. Duh.

    • hayeksplosives

      So after the Mar-a-Lago raid, no one’s eyes will ever see it again.

  13. Mojeaux

    A burger’s a burger’s a burger’s a burger’s a burger.

    • Derpetologist

      Farmhaus makes a better burger than most, but both locations are in Augusta, GA. I remember having a bison burger way out in Wyoming that was remarkably good as well. I want to way it was The Sleepy Coyote bar in Worland.

    • Not Adahn

      WTFIcanteven

  14. Derpetologist

    Today I learned:

    ***
    The history of the Jews in Gabon dates back to at least the 17th century, when Black Jewish communities existed along the Gabonese coastline. The contemporary Jewish community in Gabon is mostly composed of converts and foreign-born residents.

    History

    In the seventeenth century a Black Jewish community existed on the Loango coast in the Kingdom of Loango in what is now Gabon, the Republic of the Congo, and the Cabinda Province of Angola. This community was first mentioned in 1777 and a more thorough description was provided by the scientific works which were produced by the German Loango Expedition of 1873–76. This community had no links with Jewish communities elsewhere and has now disappeared. According to Tudor Parfitt, these communities were of considerable interest to race scientists during the period of the European Enlightenment.[1] The Jewish community in the region may have been of Iberian Sephardi origin. Some European maps from the 17th century designate the Loango coastline as the Gulf of the Jews, golfo do judeus or golfos dos judeos. According to the Moravian missionary Christian Georg Andreas Oldendorp, the Black Jewish community in the Loango region was established by Jews from São Tomé who had been expelled and that it was from this population of exiles that “the black Portuguese and the black Jews of Loango, who were despised even by the local black population, were descended.”[2]
    ***

  15. Timeloose

    Nice article CPRM. Those boys cooking that big burger need to find some bigger yellow shirts.

    We do pierogi and Kielbasa festivals around these parts along with pizza and the usual fair foods.

  16. Derpetologist

    Ukrainian forces decode Russian military signals to counter assaults amidst ammunition scarcity

    ***
    “Brew five bags of Chinese tea on 38 oranges” – this phrase, as relayed by the Associated Press, is one of the many coded messages employed by the Russians. It translates to an order to ready five artillery shells, made in Beijing, and direct them towards Ukrainian soldiers situated in the Silver Forest.

    In this coded language, “cucumbers” refer to mortars and “carrots” symbolize grenade launchers. Locations are correspondingly represented by numerical codes in specific colors. The Ukrainians spent several months decrypting these codes.
    ***

    In tactical situations, there isn’t enough time for complex ciphers, so idiot codes predominate. The problem with such codes is they’re easy to break, so that can only be used securely once.

    link

    • Tres Cool

      Ex-wife liked to smoke. And when she ordered up weed the code name was “cabbage”.
      Think the NSA was on to us ?

      • Derpetologist

        NSA wouldn’t know. If you query their database for selectors (phone number, email, etc.) belonging a US person, there will be an immediate investigation from an auditor. Any police or FBI listening probably would have guessed correctly. Nobody orders cabbage over the phone, and using plant names as code words for marijuana is very common: lettuce, grass, weed, etc.

        On the other hand, cops and feds are often surprisingly dumb, so it’s a toss-up.

    • PieInTheSky

      Just teach people phrases in strange languages and use them until the enemy figures out what language it is, then switch language.

  17. PieInTheSky

    Is there a Seymour pork butts festival?

    mornin glibsters

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean!

    • PieInTheSky

      Damn I have not listen to that band in a long time

      • Gender Traitor

        …and good afternoon, Pie!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Huh, one of the last bands I found even remotely interesting. Not bad.

      • Gender Traitor

        The one time I remember seeing them perform on TV, I thought they had a lot to be modest about, but I’ll give them another listen.

    • Not Adahn

      The best thing about Whataburger is you can get burgers for breakfast.

  18. UnCivilServant

    🙁

    I’m not actually going to get a weekend this weekend the way things keep piling up.

    • Gender Traitor

      😨 Noooo! Maybe if you work extra hard today and tomorrow?

      • UnCivilServant

        Won’t help the events are scheduled for Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday…

      • Gender Traitor

        😒

      • UnCivilServant

        I may have my saturday back. We went through and looked at the actual expected impact of what was being done, and it was much less than origianlly appeared.

      • Gender Traitor

        😃👍

      • Not Adahn

        Pew-Pew!

    • Grosspatzer, Superstar

      Mornin’, Stinky. Thanks for the early nutpunch.

    • rhywun

      People in Spain are outraged

      Job done.

    • Tres Cool

      Reading ZH this early in the morning?
      Are you a masochist ?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks.

  19. Grosspatzer, Superstar

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    All kinds of work piling up, but unlike UCS I will get a weekend. And many more.

    Went into the office yesterday for the first, and probably last, time, to attend a small lunch my group threw in my honor. I found out that I am something of a celebrity there – people I had never met before walked up to me and said “You’re the guy chilling out with the pipe in the all hands meetings!” I wonder if any of them had daddy issues… After lunch I attended a staff meeting which turned out to be a retirement celebration complete with strawberry cheesecake. There was a lot of dust in that room.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! Ooh! Strawberry cheesecake! That makes all the years of toil worthwhile! 😋🍰

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Mornin.

      I have a planned power outage from 8 to 5 today that I found out about half a day in advance. My fault for not examining the mail. Might take refugee yogurt to my mom’s fridge.

      • Grosspatzer, Superstar

        Planned power outage? Sounds like a dress rehearsal for the green future.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Nah, plumbing* a new building across the street, probably.

        *or whatever the electrical equivalent is

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      A pipe huh? Galvanized steel or lead?

      • Grosspatzer, Superstar

        You have to ask? I’d think you know all about laying pipe by now.

  20. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey!

  21. Ownbestenemy

    I know it depends on your perspective. If you think Hillary Clinton is evil and the circle she keeps is just as evil and if you think Soros is a marxist bastard with evil intentions for the human race…it would make sense that Huma Abedin and Alex Soros are knocking boots.

    • Gender Traitor

      Please tell us you just had a bad dream.

    • Tres Cool

      Evilest babies ever.

      • R C Dean

        Between her aging out and his low-T, I doubt we have to worry about their spawn.

      • Tres Cool

        IVF with an evil surrogate. Duh.

  22. Beau Knott

    Mornin’ all!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Beau!

  23. UnCivilServant

    It’s strange. For some reason I was disappointed to find that a manufacturer of eInk displays provides header files for interfacing with them. While that increases the odds of success, it also eliminates all the challenge and thus any satisfaction from getting the thing working.

    • Gender Traitor

      Is there another manufacturer that doesn’t provide such files?

      • UnCivilServant

        Probably, but the driver hardware is so very similar that it’s liable to work anyway. (The documentation outright says as much and that their driver hardware can run other manufacturers displays upto a given size)

  24. Not Adahn

    Nobody’s made a FEED ME joke?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Well, as long as they have superior potassium.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      TC, I remember from TOS when the euphemism was “regulating interstate commerce”. 🥬

    • R C Dean

      I’d probably be more interested in which ones weren’t.

    • rhywun

      Even the innocent-sounding names to American ears are all woke silliness.

      I wonder what skeletons he has in his closet.

      • UnCivilServant

        At the least, electoral fraud. Of the “There’s no evidence, so we won’t look for evidence because there’s no evidence shut up bigot” variety.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Liberty line: “Some irony there, one feels.”

  25. Tres Cool

    Yeah but it seems to be all contained in Kazakhstan.

    Wait….I think I see the problem

    • R.J.

      What are we talking about again?

      • slumbrew

        School’s list-o-virgins getting leaked.