“The God Bless the USA Bibles are selling well,” the hair said as he scrolled through his newsfeed.
“The DJTV?” the hat asked.
“I told you not to call it that,” the hair said.
“It’s the most patriotic Bible ever,” Donald said, “Hand-edited by me, Donald Trump.”
“We’re not filming a commercial right now,” the hair said.
“All the Bible passages that mention America, the greatness of America, and the American way of life are highlighted in red,” Donald said, looking directly into a non-existent camera. “And look at the fine working of the Real Leather™ cover.”
“You tell ‘em, Donald!” the hat said.
“And I took out a lot of the Jew-parts,” Donald said. “Begats? Be gone! Judges you can’t keep track of? Cut for more pictures of me and Jesus together.”
“Can I get an ‘Amen?’” the hat crooned.
“Clocking in a lean 82-pages, the God Bless the USA Bible will be a blessing for any home in the USA and select portions of the shithole countries in the rest of the world.” Donald bared his teeth in a grin.
“Read the people a passage, Brother Donald!” the hat said, swaying back and forth on the desk.
Donald had a bookmark in place. “From the Book of Donaldromeny–that’s one chapters in the Jew part–I did say upon them: Then the DONALD, your President. will make you most tax-free in all the work of your hands and in the fruit of your loom, the little babies of your livestock and, like, wheat and, I don’t know, barley or some shit. The DONALD will again delight in you and make you rich, rich, super-rich, so rich, just as he delighted in your attractive ancestors, if you obey the DONALD your President and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to DONALD with all your heart and with all your votes.”
“Cite for the PEOPLE, Donald,” the hat cried.
“That’s from Doodleronummary 9-10, which is a classy chapter in the Jew-Bible,” Donald said.
“Read them something from The New Testament, Donald,” the hat said.
“That’s enough,” the hair said.
“You’re right, we should be filming this,” the hat agreed hurriedly.
“Are you on meth again?” the hair asked the hat.
“Who needs meth when we have Donald?” the hat asked.
“Over half of our voter base,” the hair said dryly.
A phone rang shrilly in Donald’s Mar-a-Largo office.
“I said to hold my calls!” Donald snapped. “Wait, can we take that out in post?”
“Who dares calls this late?” the hat said angrily.
“That’s the red phone,” the hair said. “Highest security.”
“It’s 3:30 in the goddamn morning,” Donald said, tossing aside his Bible.
“Answer it, answer it,” the hair said. “It’s sets my very follicles on edge.”
Donald lumbered to the desk and sat down in his complaining office chair. It had cost more than Barron’s feed for a month. Ripping open the lowest drawer of his desk, he grabbed up the receiver on the ancient red Bakelite rotary phone.
“Who is this? It’s 3:30 in the goddamn morning!” Donald shouted into the handset.
“Donald?” Joe asked, “Is that you?”
“Who else would it be?” Donald asked sardonically.
“That bridge, the one that collapsed?” Joe began.
“Who is it?” the hat asked.
“Joe,” Donald said, slapping his hand over the bottom of the handset. “I think he’s been drinking.”
“How could anyone possibly be able to tell?” the hair rhetoricalized.
“They let him use the phone?” the hat countered.
“Yeah, the bridge, I saw that Joe,” Donald said into the phone.
“I took that bridge all the time, on a train, I used to take the train all the time,” Joe said.
“That’s nice, Joe,” Donald said.
“I took the train,” Joe said. “A train killed my son, you know.”
The hair, down on Donald’s shoulder to listen, whispered, “I think he’s been crying.”
“What kind of fag cries on the phone at 3:30 in the morning?” the hat asked scornfully. “Does he even know Florida is in the same timezone?”
“I’m not dropping out of the race, Joe,” Donald said. “I’m selling Bibles now. That’s the best selling book in the world. I’m going to make so much money I’m going to have to build a lair. You ever had a lair, Joe? I mean, a classy lair, of course. Like Bond villain classy. I might have pet sharks.”
“Sharks with something on, on, on their whatevers,” Joe said thickly.
“An Austin Powers reference? What the fuck?” the hat asked. He began laughing so hatefully he fell off the desk.
“I have a very tall son that’s not dead,” Donald said.
“Oh, man, oh man, you must be so proud, Ted,” Joe said.
“I think he thinks you’re someone else,” the hair said in a coarse whisper.
“We co-could go the funeral together, man,” Joe said.
“Give me the phone,” the hat said from the floor. “I want to talk to him.”
“No, Donald, don’t do that,” the hair said.
“Joe, I’ve got to get off the phone,” Donald said. “I’ll send you a crate of Bibles, Joe. Enough for the whole Administration!”
“You wrote a book?” Joe asked surprised.
“GIVE ME THE PHONE!’ the hat screamed.
“Begats? Be gone!”
By Godfrey, Sugarfree has given us a good one.
!!!!!
Growing boy. Haven’t you had to feed teenagers?
As big as he is, he might be STEVE SMITH spawn. That makes for a yuge appetite.
Damn, that was a good one.
* Points to Sean’s avatar. *
“I have a very tall son that’s not dead,” Donald said.
*whistles, stamps feet*
As much as I hate the smooshing of religion and politics together (in real life, not fiction) this right here: “From the Book of Donaldromeny–” made me laugh out loud.
Now I’m pondering what would happen if STEVE SMITH became a nondenominational protestant type of revivalist preacher. Would he give rousing sermons and rape in the forest glades of Cascadia?
Also: nice choice of picture. Reminds me of the Farting Preacher, Robert Tilton.
I am disappointed at the Glibs in the dead thread who didn’t ask who else was a “neurodivergent vegan man who cared for animals”, especially German Shepherds.
I think it was better to subvert expectations rather than fall into predictable patterns.
Point of order- Hitler was a vegetarian, not vegan.
According to Eva he did like to have his wiener gobbled.
Saint Francis!
Fine, fine – Siddhartha Gautama. Happy now?
I cringed when I saw an ad for that Bible on Xwitter. However, it might be a very good business move. He’s probably using the money for his defense fund, and this might a) get more response than a straight up call for donations, and b) make it a little harder for the Feds to confiscate or block donations with some bullshit reason.
Yeah, all of the patriotic bibles make me cringe. I always want to scream “the Bible is not about you!”
In the words of TikTok girls, such bibles give off way too much ‘main character energy’.
The only way to get a Geneva Bible for a while was to get ‘The Patriot’s Bible’ that combined it with the constitution and Declaration of Independence.
“ancient red Bakelite rotary phone”
Classy.
They don’t make them like this any more.
15#s and a design that barely changed in 40 years.
https://www.oldphoneshop.com/products/western-electric-500-red.html
Somewhere in my house I have one of the strangest (and worst designed) phone accessories ever. It was a bluetooth handset for cell phones, as in a full sized, old phone handset. The only problem was that instead of giving the top/back of the headset a level surface (like the real phones had) it was angled. Made it so you couldn’t do the old school cradle between head and shoulder. Get rid of that design flaw, I may still be using it for the entertainment value alone.
Oh, I wish you had not shown me that site…
Inorite?? Now I want a candlestick phone. #LoveMyLandLine
Sorry ya’ll. I just liked when phones when they were potential weapons. Also I had a SS 1930’s wall phone in my kitchen for many years. My land line is no more, but I really missed the ring of the brass bells.
You know who else missed the ringing of bells ?
I tried (and failed) to hunt down a link to the old operator’s handsets. But as I was thinking about it, I’m pretty sure the modern equivalent is the Flipper Zero.
Let the mudslinging commence
Democrats have often sought to tie Kennedy’s campaign to the Trump-aligned GOP. Kennedy himself shares some ideological turf with the MAGA movement, especially on vaccines and his critique of conventional medical and the scientific community.
Just before he announced Shanahan, a super PAC aimed at propping up Biden launched a website called rfkjrfacts. The site features composite images of Kennedy and Trump merged together along with figures in the former president’s circle, such as right-wing ally Steve Bannon.
“RFK Jr. is a MAGA-backed candidate who is bankrolled by billionaires to help reelect Donald Trump,” text on the landing page reads. “RFK Jr.’s platform is extremely dangerous: he pushes conspiracy theories that divide our country, has made millions of dollars opposing vaccines, and has a history of anti-Black, anti-LGBTQ, and anti-Semitic remarks.”
He’s a backstabbing degenerate lunatic who hates science and democracy.
If I had been told a few years ago that democrats would turn on a member of America’s First Family, the sainted Kennedys, I would have laughed.
Yet here we are. RFK jr is, by the goodrightthinkers in the democrat party, the Wrong Kind of Person.
Part of me wants DJT to offer RFK the VP slot just to see the meltdown.
They are just a predictable parody of themselves right now. They stand for absolutely nothing except their own power and profit. At least a few years ago they were a bit more sneaky about it.
“has made millions of dollars opposing vaccines”
He successfully sued manufacturers for putting things like mercury in childhood vaccines. The kind of thing the Dems used to get behind. Hell, even Biden keeps bragging about how he “beat big pharma”.
“his critique of conventional medical and the scientific community”
Again, opposing Big Pharma and their obscene profits used to be a huge lefty talking point. Like for decades. And then COVID came along and they turned on a dime. Years ago I wouldn’t have believed that would happen.
then COVID came along and they turned on a dime
Yeah, seeing that happen has been bizarre. And there’s been very little talk about such a huge overnight switch in the media. “We have always been allies with Big Pharma.”
In the span of maybe a week or two, they went from “Never taking the Trump vaccine” to trying to force it on everyone, eventually taking it to the Supreme Court. Bizarre indeed.
If Trump had won in 2020, I’m pretty sure the sides would have been reversed. The R’s would have been lining up for the shot and the Dems would all have refused to take it.
The only good thing is that there would have been no support for the mandates. The MSM and academia would have come out in full support for everyone’s civil liberties.
I really don’t think so. While a small number would have been swung one way or the other, I think the skepticism over whether it was really necessary (and possibly dangerous) would still be there on the right, and the left would have said that while they certainly didn’t trust Trump, they trusted the government experts who said to take it. Maybe it would have dampened down the mandates somewhat.
The entire Democrat money machine is based of suing large corporations.
They must be feeling some heat if they are so scared by Dr. Frankendems Monster.
Every single member of the Kennedy family (except the obvious) actually endorsed Biden.
Because Biden does not have a history of anti-Black, anti-LGBTQ, and anti-Semitic remarks.
Rosemary?
ZING!
I’d love see them answer a few real policy questions – they’d have to quickly disown JFK himself or speak woke heresy.
If they would have let RFK Jr. run in the Dem primaries, my guess is he would have won a few states, but in the end would not have gotten the nomination. Then at least he’d still be on the reservation.
Now because they are so gutless, they are going to end up with him running against him in the general election.
I’ve worked on many petition efforts and believe virtually all of them cannot survive a signature by signature scrutiny. Given enough resources, the Dems will be able to keep RFK off many state ballots
who hates
scienceour grift.“82 pages” made me laugh aloud.
“Big Don, tout court!”
https://youtu.be/YoN8oKsOcLA?si=2SlHg8NFU6BhS82g
“Let’s make America pray again!”
LOL!
I don’t believe for a second that he’s a Bible-thumper but I doubt his base cares either way.
Smart play.
There is a part of his base that really believes God anointed Donald to save America!
There is a part of Biden’s base that really believes Gaia anointed Joe to save
Americathe world!Ethical nightmare
That a fledgling, unprofitable social media platform can make the former president billions of dollars on paper is a marvel of the stock market. Trump can’t realize the windfall by selling his shares or borrowing against them for six months unless the company’s board, which is packed with his supporters, gives him the OK.
It probably can’t get Trump cash soon enough to make the drastically reduced $175 million bond he needs to post for the civil tax fraud charges levied on him and his other companies. Other penalties in that civil fraud decision, including the suspension of Trump’s ability to do business in New York, have been paused for now.
——-
Jordan Libowitz is the communications director for the watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, and in a phone conversation, he wondered what might happen if foreign wealth funds that have interests in the US, like those associated with Saudi Arabia or Qatar, started buying large amounts of DJT stock.
Have a heaping helping of vague insinuation and innuendo. Unprecedented corruption and self-dealing await us.
The Saudis will buy shares so President Kkkapitalisms will do their bidding.
OT – https://www.reddit.com/r/IdiotsInCars/comments/1bop16l/buddy_almost_taken_out_by_2_bmws_oc/
Single vehicle. Queue the Dukes of Hazard music.
That should buff right out.
That can’t be Conn. there was no one in the passing lane going 55 MPH.
That would be the person with PA plates in NJ.
But I’m guessing this guy is fine with Joe and Hunter’s backdoor bribe taking, or the Clinton Bribe Laundering Foundation.
Now I want to open the Clinton Laundromat.
https://clintonlaundromat.com/
https://www.yelp.com/biz/clinton-launder-center-clinton
Yeah but I want the marquee to say something catchy like “run your money through us”
Relevant
“hood laundromat” would be pretty funny, too.
One wonders “where is all the Haitian money going to flow to?”
“Give me the phone,” the hat said from the floor. “I want to talk to him.”
“No, Donald, don’t do that,” the hair said.
Spoilsport.
The guy in the black BMW drives better in the grass than on the pavement. For a while, anyway.
But I’m guessing this guy is fine with Joe and Hunter’s backdoor bribe taking, or the Clinton Bribe Laundering Foundation.
That’s standard practice. And anyway, non profits are by definition 1000% ethical.
Speaking of idiots in cars, I just saw a story about some 18 year old girl in Arizona driving 155 in her shiny new (speed limited?) Corvette who took out a guy on a motorcycle. The article said the cops downloaded the airbag sensors to find out how fast she was going. Got it whoaed down to 87 at impact. Vehicular homicide.
It didn’t say whether she was recording for youtube.
The new Vettes have a built in dashcam. Not sure on the trim level but some of them have speed, g, brake and the like all recorded for track use.
Every single member of the Kennedy family (except the obvious) actually endorsed Biden.
And they all rushed to the cameras to express their outrage at Jr’s use of Saint John’s ad in the stupid bowl.
The story of Diddy running an Epstein ring in Hollywood probably won’t get much reporting. The FBI just grabbed all the evidence and probably put it next to the Epstein evidence in their blackmail locker.
Here’s the next installation of the story. Did they kill Jackson because he didn’t want to keep getting ripped-off?
https://x.com/Cancelcloco/status/1764774724767469734?s=20
Jackson was obviously innocent.
Have you heard Thriller?
Case closed.
“He-heeee!’
I’m concerned about the dark ages in American pop music the loss of P Diddy will cause.
Who is going to add “yeauh” to double platinum Police hits now?
And who will parlay his friends murder into multiple platinum records or make a intern go get him some Cambodian’s breast milk at 2:00am.
https://youtu.be/hey869mhT0A
Or have his friends murdered…
Relevant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s69h8jTNLKw
Jackson was a victim of human nature.
He was abused by the man in the mirror.
He told the child molesters to beat it.
Excellent episode, and it won’t leave me mentally scarred for life like some of the more recent ones.
Lend?
The federal government will provide a $1.5 billion loan to restart a nuclear power plant in southwestern Michigan, officials announced Wednesday.
Holtec International acquired the 800-megawatt Palisades plant in 2022 with plans to dismantle it. But now the emphasis is on restarting it by late 2025, following support from the state of Michigan and the Biden administration.
Gov. Gretchen Whitmer said it would be the first nuclear power plant to be reopened in the U.S. It still faces hurdles, including inspections, testing and the blessing of the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission, known as the NRC.
“Nuclear power is our single largest source of carbon-free electricity, directly supporting 100,000 jobs across the country and hundreds of thousands more indirectly,” said Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm, a former Michigan governor.
Quick, get Earthjustice on the line.
Nice to see a democrat saying that actually.
Makes me wonder how bad the projections she’s seeing are if she’s willing to say that in public.
People freezing in the dark might get a bit shooty
The ghost of Dixie Lee Ray speaks through her.
Of all the bullshit Uncle Sugar dumps money into, restarting a nuke plant is low on the list of things I’m angry about.
Nuclear power is our single largest source of carbon-free electricity, directly supporting 100,000 jobs across the country and hundreds of thousands more indirectly
No shit! Let’s build more!
Anybody want a cheap EV with unfinished software and questionable future service and parts availability?
https://www.caranddriver.com/news/a60320119/fisker-ocean-ev-suv-big-price-cuts-possible-bankruptcy/
Oooof. My friend went in on one of the early ones…
She gonna be MAD.
Given the new pricing and a first year depreciation of 20% I hope she didn’t finance a vehicle that probably has a $30k value at best.
I do believe she paid for it. After waiting for about a year for it.
But hey, she’s getting a second set of free tires from Fisker,
At 1st glance I read that as Fister.
Still betterthan a firster.
It’ll take more than words to show you how I feel about that EV.
That sounds extreme.
Critics, however, have emerged. A coalition opposed to restarting what it derisively calls a “zombie reactor” has requested a hearing at the NRC.
No shit, Shirley?
Ah the Unicorn Fart Lobby has entered the chat.
I was waiting for that shoe to drop.
Anybody want a cheap EV with unfinished software and questionable future service and parts availability?
What’s Bob Lutz up to these dys?
You made me search – appears he is 92 and still alive!
Thanks SF, I didn’t take a chance today, ate before I read the latest episode of current events.
I wouldn’t have had to though.
But what about that dire planetwide emergency?
U.S. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said on Wednesday she intends to warn China about the negative effects of Beijing’s subsidies for its clean energy industries, including solar panels and electric vehicles (EVs), during a visit to the country.
“I intend to talk to the Chinese when I visit about overcapacity in some of these industries, and make sure that they understand the undesirable impact that this is having – flooding the market with cheap goods – on the United States but also in many of our closest allies,” Yellen told MSNBC in a live interview.
Yellen is in the state of Georgia to visit a Suniva solar cell manufacturing plant that closed in 2017 due to competition from cheaper, subsidized solar panels from China, but which is now reopening because of anticipated demand fueled by tax credits for U.S.-made clean energy technology in the 2022 Inflation Reduction Act.
In excerpts of remarks to be delivered at the factory, Yellen said she planned to raise concerns that China is now overproducing EVs and lithium-ion batteries in the same way that it built too much capacity to make steel and aluminum, distorting global markets and hurting jobs in other industrial and developing economies.
I thought we needed to get the zero emission economy on line as soon as possible. The Chinese are doing their part.
No remarks on their exponential fossil fuel use either. Very interesting and telling.
I’m sure somebody in China will pretend to pay attention to her.
Chinese Pat Paulsen?
Of all the bullshit Uncle Sugar dumps money into, restarting a nuke plant is low on the list of things I’m angry about.
Absolutely. It’s interesting that, of all the money they piss away in every direction, they went out of their way to assure everyone it’s a LOAN, and will be repaid. Of course, that power plant is owned by an evil for-profit kkkorporation, not a noble plucky foreign nation holding the line against transglobal authoritarianism, or people who borrowed money they can’t repay in order to pursue worthless college degrees.
I’m sure the Democrats’ ecofundamentalist base will contrive to hamstring the project.
1 pouch cherry kool-aid, 1 cup non-sugar sweetener (I use that monkfruit crap) and 1 cup (or more) of lime juice.
And of course a quart of water.
Good Lord this is some tasty stuff. And its begging to get mixed with vodka. Or perhaps rum.
Tequila!
It’s well known that sports cars (like guns) are for tiny-dicked men who are compensating for something. But really, it’s not just sports cars, it’s manual transmissions in general.
Unfortunately, the author isn’t quite capable of hiding his insecurities:
Fuck him. I love my manual transmission.
Drove them for years. I don’t really miss it.
guns … are for tiny-dicked men who are compensating
Whoa whoa whoa hoss I’m not compensating for anything.
Distracting from, maybe.
I’ve only owned one automatic transmission car, before I got the Tesla.
Not a fan of the slushbox. My wife, OTH, can’t operate a manual transmission.
I have trouble finding manual transmission vehicles inexpensive enough that it’s not painful to practice on.
In the cheap versions I think Subaru stopped around 2022.
Honda had/has lower trim Civics with manuals still, but new they aren’t exactly cheap.
What a useless jackhammer.
Grandma Tres had that bakeolite phone in black. It sat in another room, on a table, next to a chair.
Thats where she’d sit and talk. Only phone in the house.
He affectionately describes the stick shift’s smooth knob nestled in his palm. (Sigmund Freud would have had no trouble deducing the grounds for this allure.)
Go suck a thumb.
While all gasoline-run cars and trucks are climate killers with stick shifts being the slightly worse of two evils, combustion-engine automatics themselves are on their way out. They are tooling along the highway side-by-side with their stick-and-clutch counterparts toward the junkyard of history.
Stevie Wonder could have seen that one coming.
He needs a brick to the head.