TUESDAY MORNING ZARDOZ LESSONS AND LINKS

by | Mar 12, 2024 | Cryptids, Daily Links | 262 comments

GATHER ‘ROUND AND YOU SHALL HEAR…

ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. IT HAS BEEN SOME TIME SINCE ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN, SO IT IS TIME TO RECALL THE LAWS;

  1. ZARDOZ HAS RAISED YOU FROM BRUTALITY TO SNARK AT THE BRUTALS, WHO PLAGUE THE INTERNET AS IN DAYS OF OLD.
  2. THE GUN IS GOOD.
  3. THE PENIS IS EVIL.

WITH THAT DONE, WE CAN NOW TURN TO THE LINKS…GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

  • AT LAST, SOME CLEANSING OF THE BRUTALS…BUT STILL NOT ENOUGH FOR ZARDOZ! WORK ON IT.
  • NO CLEANSING, BUT ZARDOZ IS AMUSED.
  • ZARDOZ BELIEVES THE “LEADERS” ARE ENJOYING A VACATION.

MUSIC.

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

About The Author

ZARDOZ

ZARDOZ

SERVANT OF THE TABERNACLE, THE ETERNALS OF THE VORTEX. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, SEE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwZhKGgmoUI

262 Comments

  1. Ownbestenemy

    Haitians better hide their women and children not only from the gangs but from the soon to be there UN forces. We can charter planes to dump off people around the country skipping the border but in these countries that are deteriorating quickly the State Department is like “Good luck kids!”

    • Lackadaisical

      Let’s see if we can spread any more old world diseases to the Haitians while we’re at it.

      I’d white people had done it* they’re be calling it a genocide or on purpose

      *Talking about Nepal unleashing cholera on the island

    • Sensei

      Blinken says, “Ya mon”.

      I love that the conference of concerned Caribbean nations decided on Jamaica.

    • Tonio

      Oooohhhhh, what if we start intercepting our border jumpers and immediately airlift them to Haiti.

      • WTF

        Pretty sure that would discourage more border jumpers.

  2. Lackadaisical

    “US-British forces strike Houthi targets, killing 11, Yemen says”

    You gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers.

    • Not Adahn

      I didn’t know that the Brits did hyphenated identities.

  3. Tres Cool

    whaddup doh’

    • AlexinCT

      Same shit, different day.

  4. Shpip

    Antony Blinken was pictured leaving the U.S. for Kingston, Jamaica amid fears of collapse in Haiti with growing violence across the island from local gangs threatening to bring down the local government.

    You’d think a guy with his kind of pull could at least manage a trip to a nicer part of the Island. What’s wrong, Tony? Goldeneye booked up this time of year?

    • R C Dean

      Why are we thinking about sticking our dick in, again? It’s utterly economically and strategically irrelevant. Its been such a shithole for so long that I don’t even know that being run by a guy named “Barbecue” for his habit of burning people to death is actually worse than what it has now.

      If you just hafta, make an announcement that we certainly won’t stop any Americans who feel compelled to go there to try and help out, but we’re also not coming to get them when they get in trouble. I don’t know where this idea came from that its our job to solve every festering humanitarian crisis on the globe, which generally just seems to be an excuse to park more of our military where it doesn’t belong.

      • Sensei

        +1 Monroe Doctrine.

      • Tonio

        Let France do it. Haiti used to be their colony.

        Alternately, let other Carribean nations do it. Hell, even Cuba.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I read somewhere that…*checks notes*… Kenya is sending over forces to oversee their elections. Nothing fishy there.

      • Tonio

        And by “supervise,” mean…

      • AlexinCT

        Sounds like it will be one heck of an experience for the people there…

      • Swiss Servator

        FTA:

        “Others fired gunshots at the presidential palace where Prime Minister Ariel Henry was notably absent, after traveling recently to Kenya to push for a UN-backed intervention that would have seen police from Kenya come to combat the gangs.

        However, that request was shot down, after a Kenyan court ruled that such a deployment would be unconstitutional.”

      • R C Dean

        When Kenya’s legal system is more functional than your own . . . .

      • Fourscore

        Or just leave it alone. When things can’t gone on as they have been they stop. Ultimately they either run out of ammo or people to subjugate (kill). Don’t allow any (more) Haitian refugees in, they’ll bring their old habits with them.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Let the Dominican Republic invade and annex it. The again, they probably don’t want the trouble-Haiti’s a hopeless case.

      • Drake

        No chance of that. Why would they want it?

      • WTF

        Pretty sure the regime is considering Haiti as the next place for money laundering after Ukraine gets tossed aside.

      • Drake

        The Clinton’s have been laundering money there for decades. Look how much their “charity” has helped the people of Haiti.

      • Brawndo

        The Clinton’s already have their hooks in Haiti.

      • robc

        The DR already has an illegal alien problem with people sneaking over the border from Haiti.

      • ron73440

        I don’t know where this idea came from that its our job to solve every festering humanitarian crisis on the globe, which generally just seems to be an excuse to park more of our military where it doesn’t belong.

        I think parking the military everywhere is the reason behind it.

        Remember, all the “defense” spending helps our economy grow!

      • WTF

        Raytheon and GE gotta eat, brah!

      • AlexinCT

        I would really like to understand what the strategic need the US is protecting by intervening into Haiti and its disfunction. But don’t call the place a shithole.

      • R C Dean

        I was trying to be nice.

      • juris imprudent

        Only CT is a shithole (based on who gets elected in CT)?

      • AlexinCT

        When you are going to talk trash about The People’s Republic of Connecticut, address it properly with its full name, please…

        And this place will turn into an even bigger shithole the moment I leave.

      • Ted S.

        Central Time *is* a shithole, isn’t it?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Calling Haiti a shithole is an insult to shitholes. Detroit? Now that’s a shithole.

      • Rat on a train

        To truly capture the spending multiplier, the US needs to bomb its own cities. Why should other countries get the rebuilding boost?

      • Bob Boberson

        +1 Milo Minderbinder

      • Brawndo

        *cops in Philly nodding in agreement*

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Haitian BBQ or KC BBQ?

      • Social Justice is Neither

        The Clinton’s need to get paid and I’m sure the big guy can find a way to stick his dick in for his 10%. Do our “leaders” need any reason beyond graft to do the wrong thing for Americans?

  5. juris imprudent

    Theme song, yes, but I would’ve expected some serious rock from the big stone head.

  6. Sensei

    Taiwan’s Incoming VP Is on a Low-Profile Visit to Washington
    https://www.wsj.com/world/asia/taiwans-incoming-vp-is-on-a-low-profile-visit-to-washington-ed59d07b?st=gmxovl3blsr0qas&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

    The name didn’t read as fully Chinese to me. Hsiao Bi-khim. I don’t know if this is more revisionist romanization or what. However, her bio is a doozy!

    Born: 1971 (age 52 years), Kobe, Hyogo, Japan
    Parents: Hsiao Tsing-fen, Peggy Cooley
    Nationality: Taiwanese
    Previous offices: Taiwan’s Representative to the United States (2020–2023), MORE
    Education: Oberlin College, Columbia University
    Party: Democratic Progressive Party

    She was also a US citizen until 2002. The Japanese birth angle just adds an even more bizarre angle.

    • R C Dean

      “ Hsiao, who will be sworn in with Lai in late May, plans to discuss the new Taipei government’s agenda with members of the Biden administration, the people said. Hsiao plans to travel to several capitals in Europe, also in a private capacity, after her Washington visit,”

      If she’s a government official discussing her government’s agenda with foreign governments, she’s not “in a private capacity”. These people are just fundamentally incapable of not using doublespeak.

      • Tonio

        I think that just means the host nations don’t have to give her official welcomes. Less hassle and planning for them, and avoids antagonizing the CCP.

      • Sensei

        If Taipei doesn’t have a recognized government…

      • Social Justice is Neither

        She isn’t in that VP slot yet so could be talking without the ability to make commitments yet.

    • Ted S.

      Could be Hakka.

    • Grummun

      Oberlin? I feel that Taiwan has chosen poorly.

      • Tres Cool

        Hopefully they’re broke by now.
        I haven’t been up that way in a while.

    • Seguin

      Could be indigenous Taiwanese.

  7. robc

    I havent done this in a long time, but decided to look today, and its a good day.

    Baseball birthdays, above 20 career WAR:

    Jim Wynn 55.5
    Dale Murphy 46.5
    Steve Finley 44.2
    Darryl Strawberry 42.2
    Johnny Callison 38.4
    Denny Lyons 35.5
    Vern Law 32.3
    Raul Mondesi 29.5
    Reb Russell 27.7
    Rupert Jones 22.6

    No HoFers, but a lot of “others receiving votes”.

    • robc

      At the bottom of the list, George McAvoy, who on July 17, 1914 had one pinch hit at-bat. That was his entire MLB career.

    • AlexinCT

      They don’t tell you to keep your seatbelt buckled at all times just to fuck with you…..

      • Sensei

        It’s really not a huge ask to stayed loosely buckled when you are your seat…

      • AlexinCT

        ^^^^THIS^^^^

    • Ownbestenemy

      It took a minute but they were able to squeeze this into the article

      Turbulence can cause similar injuries and events, and meteorologists expect that climate change’s impact on the jet stream can make a certain type of severe turbulence more likely.

      Never fails.

      • WTF

        The main characteristic that something is not real science is that it’s responsible for everything bad and nothing counts as evidence against it.

    • ron73440

      After the incident, he said, one of the pilots came to the cabin and said his instrument panel had gone black for a second or two, before lighting back up again. “He said, ‘For that split second, there was nothing I could do,’” according to Jokat

      Sounds like the plane just did what it wanted to do.

      Saw an episode of Air Disasters where the biggest Airbus did that a few times because of a computer glitch.

      On that one, there were serious injuries from people repeatedly hitting the ceiling and then the floor.

    • DrOtto

      Sounds like a bad alternator.

      • Sensei

        Probably Bosch made and water cooled. They learned it from BMW!

      • Tres Cool

        Shoulda checked the thermostat.

      • Fourscore

        Check the lug nuts, wouldn’t want a tire to……

  8. juris imprudent

    I presume the real reason that TikTok is such a threat to national security is that our Intel community can’t get their hooks into it.

    • Rat on a train

      “Monitored for your protection.”

    • WTF

      TikTok is CCP spyware. Our intel community is like “Hey, that’s OUR job!”

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s both spyware and a weapon. The content selected by the algorithm is intended to erode the US. One more little hammer chipping away at the great enemy.

      • AlexinCT

        TikTok is just finishing the job the US government started with the brainwashing and idiocy in the public school system and in the woke college experience…

    • R C Dean

      I’m torn on the TikTok ban/divestment thing. It’s obviously a hostile foreign government’s data harvesting operation, at an absolute minimum, so the 1A issue is not, perhaps, crystal clear. The Chinese government doesn’t have any 1A rights, as far as I’m concerned, so I guess its down to whether you have a 1A right to use a particular platform, which I guess you do.

      The divestment angle makes it even muddier; I have much less problem ordering a foreign government to sell out or get out.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’d rather see their agents in the dock on sedition charges, the datacenters burned to the ground and the executions broadcast on public television.

      • R.J.

        This started years ago. Tik Tok was banned from government phones, but not civilian. Banning it on civilian phones was brought up even during Trump as a consideration. I am not a master of these things, but it does appear that a narrative suddenly flipped to “stop trying to ban Tik Tok.” Overnight.
        I get videos forwarded to me from other people, it is always a silly video. I don’t see any of the oddball politics videos or detect any social programming on the ones I get. I assume Tik Tok has just as much social programming as Facebook, for example. I just avoid such things, rather than trying to ban them.

      • prolefeed

        The linked article explicitly mocks the notion that any government could create such a colossally popular social media site.

        The notion that the federal government has the 1A power to lock down a social media site seems like it ought to be slapped down 9-0 by SCOTUS, same as the 9-0 slapdown on taking opposition politicians off ballots based on some randos deciding all on their own that the politician is guilty, no need for due process.

      • R.J.

        “The linked article explicitly mocks the notion that any government could create such a colossally popular social media site.”
        1. The government can’t, but Chinese businesses can, and they are beholden at the barrel of a gun to the CCP. Any thoughts otherwise are wishful thinking on the part of the article writer.
        2. Agreed. Nobody should be thinking about banning it, outside of restrictions on government owned property. Maybe it is spyware. If so, fight that battle in the court of public opinion to get people to stop using it. It will fall out of style shortly anyway, given the social media trends. Feetbook is still out there because it is supported by our tax dollars.

      • juris imprudent

        There are a lot of conceits about TikTok that need to be slapped down. Pence is quoted on Fox as calling it digital fentanyl.

      • WTF

        Not surprising coming from Pence. What a jackass.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        And the government has done a good job with that crisis as well.

      • The Other Kevin

        I’m torn too. But not just for the data harvesting. They are using it to brainwash our kids. The Chinese version pushes math and science. The American version pushes gender identity and convincing kids they have mental disorders. They are using it as a psy op to undermine our society.

      • Social Justice is Neither

        But you can also see each of these things as being pushed by the institutions of the respective countries. No need for China to push gender ideology when Washington has them beat to it.

      • juris imprudent

        So maybe TikTok is a mirror more than anything.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Tik Tok ban, but only if the Department of Education and college subsidies also go.

      • Urthona

        TikTok has been dead among kids for a while now. Many have moved on to similar competitors and this is pointless if that’s your goal.

  9. Rat on a train

    THE PUN IS GOOD.
    THE GAZE IS EVIL.

    • Shpip

      A good chunk (heh) of the homosexual population with dad bods are now on Ozempic.

      So going to Key West or Fire Island this summer, you’ll see lots of narrowed gays.

      • WTF

        You’re a monster.

      • R.J.

        *Pins ribbon on Shpip’s chest

      • Tres Cool

        My doc suspected a problem with my prostate, so he referred me to a specialist.
        This doc was really fat, and always chatted about the weather. In fact he was a meaty urologist.

      • DrOtto

        Jebus, this just keeps getting worse and worse.

      • juris imprudent

        Kinda typical for a sausage factory.

      • SDF-7

        I thought that was when things got wurst and wurst.

    • SDF-7

      I always take a gaze as a compliment, actually. 😉

      • Fourscore

        A glaze is a competent condiment?

  10. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Purportedly based in Sudan, it says it targets what it deems to be anti-Muslim activity with some signs that it is sympathetic to Russia.

    Specialist website Numerama said Anonymous Sudan’s exact motivations were “unclear”, adding however that it had a track record of “targeting enemies designated by Moscow”.

    Yes. I’m sure that a commie hacker group based in Africa is taking orders from Putin.

      • DrOtto

        So did Putin cause climate change, or did climate change cause Putin?

  11. Shpip

    Is there a piece of music that reflects something essential about your being?

    If you’re Chat GPT, the answer may surprise you.

    • R.J.

      So that is what CHAT GPT will play while it launches the missiles?

    • R C Dean

      That . . . actually makes some sense.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Gemini answered nearly identical and Bing was like…”here is a poem!”

  12. prolefeed

    Had to look up who is Blinken. No indication of why he flew to the wrong island if he wanted to observe what is going on in Haiti, or what part of the Constitution authorizes intervention in a sovereign nation we’re not at war with.

    /sarc

    • R C Dean

      I think he didn’t go to Haiti because we don’t allow non-essential State Department Personnel there.

      • prolefeed

        You, sir, win one Intertubes for that snark.

        You owe me for one ruined keyboard – on my cell phone.

    • WTF

      *flips through special secret constitution*
      Ah, here it is, the FYTW clause!

    • WTF

      No such thing as a lack of affordable housing. Everything is affordable to somebody or other.

      • Brawndo

        But it’s unaffordable to *me*!

        /stamps foot

  13. Sensei

    Inflation 1/10 above consensus. The Fed is unlikely to lower.

    Where’s my cheap money?

    • Brawndo

      This whole thing absolutely sucks. Rate of return on savings is still jack shit, not even close to inflation, but rates for loans/mortgages are still high (relatively). I can’t save money and I can’t afford a loan. I’m living life with my fingers crossed that nothing major breaks soon.

  14. Sensei

    I wondered how they were planning on “banning” TikTok.

    “Their bill would ban TikTok from app stores and web-hosting services in the U.S. if the company doesn’t divest from ByteDance.”

    • Shpip

      The harpy

      What’s my mother-in-law have to do with any of this?

      • AlexinCT

        My ex mother in law RIP was a Medusa.

    • Brawndo

      Looks like an owl. Creepy

  15. Shpip

    This is the whey.

    Long a fringe health food for new-age hippies and fad-chasing liberal foodies, raw milk has won over the hearts and minds of GOP legislators and regulators in the last few years. (The Iowa vote broke almost perfectly along party lines with nearly all Republicans in favor and only a handful of Democrats defecting to their side.) And it’s not just in Iowa. Montana, North Dakota, Alaska, Georgia and Wyoming all have passed laws (or changed regulations) since 2020 legalizing the sale of raw milk on farms or in stores.

    In the words of Schultz, now an Iowa state senator: “Cycle after cycle, we find new officeholders are just becoming more freedom-oriented and less trusting of government at all levels.”

    From his lips to God’s ears.

    You may now commence with the cheesy puns. The cream of the crop will get special attention from Swiss. Probably in the form of a cowbutt.

    • ron73440

      Living on a dairy farm, I grew up on raw milk, you had to shake it before you poured it, so the cream would reintegrate.

      As kids, we were all udderly healthy, but we did moo-ve a lot of cow shit around.

      • Pope Jimbo

        We used to go to the neighbors farm with a 2 gal. tupperware container. We’d skim the cream off, but there was always a little left over. As a kid I was so embarrassed when the town kids would visit and our milk had clots of cream still in it.

    • Drake

      I’ve been drinking at least a glass of raw milk every day for a few months. Seems to help with heartburn and acid reflux.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Can you get raw kefir?

    • Gender Traitor

      Did you think of that quip all by yourself?

      • Ted S.

        Instead of narrowing his gaze, Swiss is going to blow raspberries at us.

    • Shpip

      Looks like he finally lost control.

      • SDF-7

        Reminds me of how Laura Branigan passed. She was in her pantry working with some carpenters to put some beams up against the wall — and the carpenters swung it around unexpectedly out of her hands, striking her in the head.

        She died because they took her shelf control.

    • Not Adahn

      I thought it was Kenny that keeps getting killed?

      • dbleagle

        I read the headline as “Eric Cartman” and thought “WTF is that news?”

    • The Other Kevin

      I hope there was someone with him.

      • Tres Cool

        All by myself….

  16. juris imprudent

    Russian singularity.

    Hunter Biden’s attorneys are arguing a special counsel appointed by President Biden’s Justice Department is doing the bidding of Russian intelligence officials.

    The defense attorneys, led by Abbe D. Lowell, suggested in a court filing on Monday that special counsel David Weiss’s criminal prosecution of Hunter Biden is carrying out the mission of Russian intelligence officials.

    • Drake

      I hope everyone in the court burst out laughing.

  17. PieInTheSky

    Staff at Deadspin just received an email informing them that the company has been sold to a European firm, and none of them will be retained.

    Deadspin has been sold, and all staffers were let go, employees were told Monday during a company meeting, which FOS confirmed with one of those workers.

    https://twitter.com/FOS/status/1767244020982382750

    oh no gif

    • UnCivilServant

      The only thing that confuses me is the fact that there was someone willing to pay money for it.

      • R.J.

        Yeah. I suppose they want the name and the site? Even that is tainted. I can only think the staff was fired so the new owners can hire even louder shrieking harpies to cover sports.

      • R C Dean

        AI. They will use AI to generate content.

        And it will be an improvement.

    • AlexinCT

      This is a desperate move to avoid the massive payout they will need to do for writing that shit article about the kid dressed in native attire and with his face painted in “Chefs colors” but with only the black side shown in their article to make it blackface, being a RACISS honkey!

      They should not be allowed to avoid that fucking payout.

      • R C Dean

        If they bought the company itself, rather than just its assets, then the payout is still on the table. Anybody who had their fingers on the hit piece is still also (theoretically) individually liable, regardless.

        Even somebody who is “judgment proof” can have future earnings garnished. Being a vindictive sort, I would derive pleasure from stripmining somebody’s paycheck for the rest of their life.

      • Tres Cool

        “strip-mining a paycheck” as an analogy for garnishment.

        Thats beautiful.

    • Fourscore

      You make me feel guilty first thing in the morning. Well, maybe not first thing but still…

  18. juris imprudent

    Even the normies are talking about cutting spending.

    Why is the federal government not even close to a balanced budget? Since the start of fiscal year 2023, the unemployment rate has never been above 4 percent, GDP growth has been higher than most other major economies, U.S. forces have not been involved in any major wars, and no major new domestic programs have been created. In other words, basically all the conventional explanations for why a government might be running a huge deficit do not apply.

    • WTF

      No major new domestic programs have been created, but they managed to lock in the “emergency” Covid spending as a new baseline.

      • SDF-7

        And they’re still increasing from that.

        $2 trillion deficits and rising….. and that’s their idea of a good idea… I can’t be bothered to go look, but I strongly suspect that’s bigger than the GDP of several countries… Insane.

    • SDF-7

      National Review? Normies?

      I’d believe it more if it was USeless Today or something.

    • Rat on a train

      $7.3T? Spending was only $4.4T five years ago, a 66% increase, but it’s a revenue problem, derp.

      • Ownbestenemy

        The people are still willing to pay taxes to continue the plunder of the treasury so…why not go big.

  19. Pope Jimbo

    I think I’d rather have the illegals. Minnesoda weighs cash aid for families moving for gender-affirming careweighs cash aid for families moving for gender-affirming care

    Uffda.

    Minnesota lawmakers may set aside $1 million to help families moving to the state to seek gender-affirming care.

    The big picture: Last year, the DFL-controlled Legislature sought to make Minnesota a “trans refuge state,” by adding protections for patients and providers.

    Advocates say the changes are already leading more people to come here to seek treatment or escape anti-trans policies in other places.
    What they’re saying: Rep. Leigh Finke, who authored both bills, said the goal is “to help create a soft landing” for such transplants.

    “When you uproot and move your whole family, sometimes you need a little help getting into your new life,” the St. Paul Democrat, who is the state’s first openly trans legislator, said during a committee hearing last week.

    • Common Tater

      LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE!

    • Cunctator

      —“Minnesota lawmakers may set aside $1 million to help families moving to the state to seek gender-affirming care.”—

      Once they hire a Program Director, an Asst. Program Director, an Administrative Asst., along with a couple of people for liaison with other State agencies, I don’t expect much will be left to distribute.

      • Pope Jimbo

        WRONG! They are just going to give the $1M to an existing NGO and let them spend it.

        Supporters say the grants, which would be disbursed by PFund, would also be used to train or recruit more than a half a dozen new health care providers.

  20. AlexinCT

    The people that staged then lied about J6 being an insurrection (and don’t forget their backup plan of accusing some MAGA folks of planting bombs at the DNC – where Koh-Moh-Loh was despite testifying she was at the capitol – which has been swept under the carpet after they told you all the evidence was mysteriously destroyed and they couldn’t fin the perp(s)) are now telling us that they plan to foment a real insurrection and get away with it unless they get their way.

    You can’t make this level of stupid-crazy shit up.

    • The Other Kevin

      They’re still arresting people for the last “insurrection” and now they’re planning on one of their own. Stupid-crazy indeed.

      • juris imprudent

        IT’S NOT WRONG WHEN WE DO IT!!11!

    • AlexinCT

      I for sure am not interested in any fucking idiot’s attempt to make some comic book character “women empowering” or whatever and then wanting to charge me to watch the drivel.

    • SDF-7

      I don’t think Red Sonja ever hid that…. so why exactly did you sign on? Letting fans know “We’re only using the name and making what we want instead is a bold strategy there, Cotton… been working so well for other franchises, after all.

    • R C Dean

      “the film will “be an allegory for more existential questions around the survival of the species in the face of climate change.”

      *eyeroll*

    • UnCivilServant

      I want her to put her money where her mouth is – Accept Net Points instead of a paycheck.

    • The Other Kevin

      How many billions do they have to lose before they figure it out?

      • AlexinCT

        It’s other people’s money…

        And they can always get a tax break from government to keep doing more of this stupid shit….

      • juris imprudent

        As long as it is a flop, no one ever has to get paid back!

      • WTF

        +1 Springtime for Hitler

    • Not Adahn

      Eh, Xena showed that there’s a market for a hot lesbian Red Sonja.

      • Common Tater

        That was a different time.

    • ron73440

      the film’s scribe, The Witcher: Blood Origin writer Tasha Huo

      All you need to know to know it’s going to be garbage.

  21. SDF-7

    Oh my God — he played Squardle… you bastard! (Hat-tip to Not Adahn… I had the same thought, but couldn’t come up with a variation I thought was funny enough).

    I played https://squaredle.com/xp 03/12:
    *20/20 words
    🎯 Perfect accuracy

    I played https://squaredle.com 03/12:
    *26/26 words (+2 bonus words)
    🎯 Perfect accuracy
    🔥 Solve streak: 282

    • Sean

      I played https://squaredle.com/xp 03/12:
      *20/20 words (+4 bonus words)
      📖 In the top 2% by bonus words

      I played https://squaredle.com 03/12:
      26/26 words (+9 bonus words)
      📖 In the top 6% by bonus words
      🔥 Solve streak: 170

  22. Ownbestenemy

    Big week for rocket launches and not just the IFT-3 from SpaceX

    RocketLab Electron 45
    Owl Night Long

    Clever…

    • Rat on a train

      I want another early night launch from Wallops.

    • Ownbestenemy

      SpaceOne KAIROS maiden flight tonight at 9pm eastern.

    • PieInTheSky

      what are the odds of success?

      • Ownbestenemy

        RocketLab? High. They have a good track record. IFT-3? I think they will hit 75% of their goals this time especially since they expanded what they are wanting to do during that flight. They have a huge contract dependent on if they can nail the in-flight propellent transfer between two tanks.

      • R.J.

        It’s up and looks good! Nice launch.

  23. juris imprudent

    I think Hur may have just handed articles of impeachment to Congress.

    No proof beyond a reasonable doubt? You had an audio-recording and Biden saying he didn’t remember that. You don’t put the emphasis on his fucking memory.

    • AlexinCT

      I thought they would have statues of Ceausescu spanking the people while spraying them with his manhood… Not brutal enough!

  24. AlexinCT

    Oakland Taco Hells are closing their indoor dining facilities. Speculation is crime. I bet the real reason is that they can’t afford the $20 an hour for the people that need to service the bathrooms.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’d hate to be so desperate for a paycheck that I’d accept minimum wage to deal with a Taco Bell Restroom.

    • PieInTheSky

      still ugly

      • Sean

        ^^

      • Annoyed Nomad

        We drove past a cybertruck on the highway yesterday. My wife wasn’t familiar with it and her initial reaction was that she thought it was some kind of kit car somebody had built in their garage. Lol.

    • Ownbestenemy

      They’re not wrong.

      • SDF-7

        I think they got the early test screenings of An American Werewolf in London, personally.

      • AlexinCT

        GODZILLA! GODZILLA!

        What’s the Chinese equivalent?

        The Bai Ze?

  25. Common Tater

    “The husband of U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is engaged in an online battle with the founder of the Libs of Tik Tok account after she was appointed to a school library panel in the state of Oklahoma, a political position.

    Chasten Buttigieg criticized Libs founder Chaya Raichik for lacking the qualifications necessary for her to sit on the state’s library advisory committee.

    Riachik was appointed by Oklahoma’s state superintendent of public institutions, to oversee public school library content despite her having no qualifications in education or library science.

    Buttigieg, 34, suggested Raichik, 29, who runs the far-right and anti-LGBT social-media account, was not qualified to hold such a position, quite apart from the fact she does not even live in the state of Oklahoma, but rather Los Angeles, 1,500 miles away.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13185225/Pete-Buttigiegs-husband-goes-war-Libs-TikTok-founder.html

    She should leave Los Angeles, and go someplace safe.

    • R C Dean

      “far-right and anti-LGBT social-media account”

      Giving broader distribution to what leftists and LGBQWERTY activists actually say is “far-right and anti-LGBT”.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        The Daily Mail is right-wing I am told.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        ‘Speaking of qualifications for a government position, your husband Pete Buttigieg only got the job of Transportation Secretary because he’s gay. Pete is a diversity hire and has no qualifications to be Transportation Secretary. We all know this,’ Raichik suggested.

        She suggested a correct statement.

    • R C Dean

      Well, Buttigieg should know what “not qualified to hold such a position” looks like, so . . . .

      • Nephilium

        I was going to say… what qualifications are needed to be on a library advisory committee?

      • juris imprudent

        Right-think comrade, right-think.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Well Chasten should know. After all he’s married to the most qualified DOT Secretary EVAH!

      And why is LibsOfTikTok anti-LGBT? She’s simply amplifying their own voices!

    • The Other Kevin

      She is a huge target right now. Look at this: “far-right and anti-LGBT”. All she does is repost things she finds on TikTok, and call attention to woke and trans craziness. Definitely one of the good guys.

      • juris imprudent

        She isn’t even as snarky as Babylon Bee.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    “US-British forces strike Houthi targets, killing 11, Yemen says”

    Let me guess. They were all starving children.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      The US is merciful.

      • juris imprudent

        Infidel! US is Great Satan, Allah is merciful.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    ‘Red Sonja’ Star Matilda Lutz Slams Source Material For Being Made “With A Very Male-Gazed Orientation”, Says New Film Is “Very Women-Empowered”

    They’re going to put clothes on her? It’ll never sell.

    • R C Dean

      Well, they started with a woman, so they pretty much have to make her gay and lame now, right?

      • juris imprudent

        If she really wants to kill the male-gaze, have a trans-woman play the lead.

    • The Other Kevin

      Here we go again. The target audience for that sort of thing is males. So they’re going to turn away males in an attempt to attract females, who don’t like comic book movies and never will. But they keep trying that losing strategy.

      • juris imprudent

        Oh, you don’t understand The Narrative. It isn’t to appeal to a new audience – it is to reform the current one. The sinners need to be brought to their knees.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    “Haiti’s leader retires”

    to a villa in the south of France?

  29. Suthenboy

    “With A Very Male-Gazed Orientation”

    Hint: We like looking at women, call it the male gaze or whatever. We like the way they are shaped. We like the way they move. We love their faces, eye contact, the way their hair moves. If a woman has been in a room for a while when I walk in I can smell her. It gives me a calming feeling.
    Study after study show that men who are often in the company of women have much better mental health, overall. If you dont believe it go visit your local monastery and get a load of those guys.
    We dont just like looking at women, we NEED to look at women. Women are the reason we are here on this planet.

    The whole ‘women empowering’ drivel is just that – nonsense.

    • Fourscore

      One never gets too old, AFAIK, to look.

      Women wear make up to try to improve their appearance so men will admire them, even if it’s quietly

  30. Pope Jimbo

    Wake up Minnesoda! Alabama is coming for your reproductive rights! Only the DFL can save you now.

    Minnesota Democrats are pushing to require health plans to cover the cost of infertility treatments and to cement access to the services in state law.

    After the Alabama Supreme Court ruled last month that embryos produced through IVF could be considered children, some fertility clinics paused treatments to consider the legal repercussions. Democrats around the country seized on the issue and have sought to tie GOP lawmakers to the decision that barred clinics from destroying unused embryos.

    “The absolute outrageousness of thinking that a politician or the government would inject themselves in that decision is so far beyond even imagining,” Gov. Tim Walz told reporters last week. “We know that this is an attack on reproductive freedoms, we know it’s an attack on women’s choices on health, it’s an attack on families’ decisions about having children and supporting them.”

    “I am looking at adding language in [to a bill] that expressly protects people’s right to IVF,” said Sen. Erin Maye Quade. “Minnesotans are terrified as they’re seeing what’s happening in Alabama, and it’s spreading to other states.”

    The Apple Valley Democrat is carrying a bill to require health plans to cover the cost of infertility treatment.

    “We want people to be able to build their families and not be priced out of being able to start or grow their family,” Maye Quade said. “And that’s just the case for so many families, they have to mortgage their houses or sell their houses, have bake sales, cash out their 401Ks and that’s not the situation we want people to start growing their families.”

    Everyone knows that all it takes to lower health care costs is for the govt to get involved.

    • Pope Jimbo

      “The absolute outrageousness of thinking that a politician or the government would inject themselves in that decision is so far beyond even imagining,”

      I mean this is important. Not like when King Walz forced small businesses to shut down during the pandemic. Even jailing the wreckers and kulaks who didn’t obey.

      Fucking with a person’s livelihood isn’t nearly as important as making sure that they can get IVF treatments.

      • R C Dean

        Said someone who is, in fact, a politician injecting themselves into that decision.

    • AlexinCT

      The government getting involved sure as hell has affected cost… But I am unsure if that was a positive like they desperately try to sell it….

    • Certified Public Asshat

      “The absolute outrageousness of thinking that a politician or the government would inject themselves in that decision is so far beyond even imagining,”

      I can’t imagine.

      Minnesota Democrats are pushing to require health plans to cover the cost of infertility treatments

    • Drake

      Every health insurance company has is going to analyze this mandate, hand it over to actuaries to estimate the annual cost, then pass it along to every policy holder next year.

      Next year, people will be complaining about the rising cost of health insurance.

      • ron73440

        Next year, people will be complaining about the rising cost of health insurance.

        And then you can run on bring prices down while blaming greedy insurance companies.

        Brilliant!

  31. AlexinCT

    So, is a setup or something big? I can tell the left is pissing their pants that this might blow up in their face (and I sure hope it does), but considering how easy it is for the cultists to dismiss facts in favor of whatever lies they want to believe, I am unsure if this matters.

    • WTF

      Since the left is still claiming there is no evidence of any Biden wrongdoing, in spite of the abundant evidence of Biden wrongdoing, we can be certain it doesn’t matter.

    • The Other Kevin

      I had this thought the other day. If the Dems were smart, they could win by a landslide in November. Just go along with impeachment, and convict Biden. This a) gets rid of this boat anchor of a candidate, b) paints the Dems as fair and balanced (“We’re not picking on Trump, we’ll even go after out own guy”), and c) gives them someone to blame (“Wow that corrupt Biden was terrible, Newsome will fix all that”).

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Purge

    At least four senior staffers were among the Republican National Committee employees who were terminated Monday as the Trump campaign brass more formally took the reins of the RNC, according to two sources familiar with the matter.

    One of the key staffers to depart was Elliot Echols, the RNC’s political director.

    The RNC met in Houston last week to install a pair of new leaders selected by Trump: Chairman Michael Whatley, who previously led the North Carolina Republican Party, and Trump’s daughter-in-law Lara Trump as co-chair. Former RNC chair Ronna McDaniel agreed to step down last month after Trump formally endorsed Whatley.

    Those noble bipartisans, so cruelly pushed aside. Just yesterday they were part of the vast ultra-MAGA wrecking crew Hell bent on destroying democracy. Now, they’re out on their asses after they devoted their lives to making the Republican party what it is today.

    • R.J.

      Good riddance.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Minnesota Democrats are pushing to require health plans to cover the cost of infertility treatments and to cement access to the services in state law.

    Call me crazy, but what if, instead of aborting children, we facilitated their adoption by people unable to have their own?

    Crazy, right?

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Climate change demands that we not use resources aborting children only to regrow new ones via IVF.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Do you understand how much methane is released in the farts of pregnant women? A huge factor in Climate Change!

      IVF doesn’t have any of that.

    • The Other Kevin

      It does sound crazy. I mean, Planned Parenthood has a huge budget, and IVF takes a lot of resources and money and… oh wait I figured it out.

  34. UnCivilServant

    WooHoo!

    My replacement UPS battery arrived.

    All is once again right with the world computer.

    • R C Dean

      Your link was cleansed.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Pantomime dragon slayer pounces

    Joe Biden swiftly seized on Donald Trump’s suggestion that he would cut “entitlements” like social security and Medicare if re-elected, saying: “Not on my watch.”

    That was in a presidential tweet. In a campaign speech in New Hampshire on Monday, Biden had elaborated.

    “Many of my Republican friends want to put social security and Medicare back on the chopping block again,” he said. “If anyone tries to cut social security or Medicare or raise the retirement age again, I will stop them.

    ——-

    “I’m never going to allow that to happen. I won’t cut social security. I won’t cut Medicare. Instead of … giving tax breaks to the wealthy, I will protect and strengthen social security and Medicare and make the wealthy begin to pay their fair share.”

    Take that, dragon!

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Did Trump actually suggest that?

    • R C Dean

      Well Stephanopoulos did make his bones by going after women sexually harassed and/or raped by Democrats, so it’s really on-brand for him.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    Math

    Equal Pay Day is a reminder of the persistent income inequality between men and women.

    As it stands, women earn just 84 cents for every dollar earned by men, according to an analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data by the National Women’s Law Center.

    “When you look at the cent number, it looks like it’s small,” Jasmine Tucker, the National Women’s Law Center’s vice president of research, said of the shortfall. “I don’t think that does justice to the actual losses.”

    ——-

    For Black women, the lifetime wage gap adds up to $884,800, and for Latina women, the losses total $1,218,000, the nonprofit advocacy group found.

    That also means that Black and Latina would have to work full time, year-round to nearly age 80 or 90 to make what white non-Hispanic men are paid by age 60, Tucker said, “or they forfeit over $1 million in losses.”

    They wuz robbed.

    • Sean

      🙄

    • Common Tater

      “National Women’s Law Center”

      Totes unbiased.

      • R C Dean

        I wonder what their pay scale is for the rank and file who work there. I mean, we know the White House pays women less than men.

      • The Other Kevin

        The White House will be able to pay more as soon as Joe Biden eliminates the influence of rich old white men.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    There is no single explanation for why progress toward narrowing the pay gap has mostly stalled, according to a separate report by the Pew Research Center. Some contributing factors: Women are still more likely to pursue careers in lower-paying industries, and to take time out of the labor force or reduce the number of hours worked because of caretaking responsibilities — often referred to as the “motherhood penalty.”

    Systemic bias has also played a role.

    Bank presidents make more than lunch ladies? That’s not fair.

    • ron73440

      — often referred to as the “motherhood penalty.”

      Because there is no benefit for anyone if she stays home.

      I hate modern culture.

      Watching Resident Alien and one woman decided that she would rather be a strong independent woman than be happy with an old fashioned man.

    • R C Dean

      Taking time out or working less = “penalty”.

  38. PieInTheSky

    A local fisherman made a once-in-a-lifetime catch two weeks ago at Blue Creek on Lake Mitchell in Clanton, Alabama. The enormous Snapping Turtle he caught weighed almost 200 pounds and is likely over 100 years old. The turtle was released unharmed and will no doubt be a legend for years to come.

    https://twitter.com/DrClaytonForre1/status/1767369805697355844

    • SDF-7

      :::hums ‘Middle Aged Cranky Snapping Turtles…. Middle Aged Cranky Snapping Turtles!..”

    • Pope Jimbo

      It must have been fairly cold and the snapping turtle was in a torpor. I can’t believe that guy wouldn’t have lost at least a couple fingers if that snapper had been warm enough to be lively.

      • R C Dean

        I would have cut the line. No way I would have gotten within a yard of that dinosaur, much less hauled it into my boat.

    • Suthenboy

      They used to be not uncommon. I remember us catching 2 or 3 like that when I was a kid.

  39. PieInTheSky

    Female writer: Sydney Sweeney’s boobs aren’t that big given how fat other American women are.

    What would we do without women in journalism?

    https://twitter.com/RichardHanania/status/1767365619039842803

    those are nice boobs but too much time is spent on this topic. Must say something about our world.

    • R C Dean

      “I’m so fat my boobs are bigger than Sydney Sweeney’s” may not be quite the deal closer she thinks it is.

    • Common Tater

      You should write a 38-part article.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Really? That sounds like over achieving which would warrant an A.

        Wouldn’t you rather he just slothfully make some comment an second rate site and get a D+?

  40. The Late P Brooks

    What would we do without women in journalism?

    I often ask myself that very question.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    How do you catch a two hundred pound snapping turtle? Drag a rotten ham hock across the bottom with a winch?

    • PieInTheSky

      I though noodling was how people catch things in the South. Or are turtles dissimilar to catfish ?

      • R.J.

        One does not noodle for snapping turtles.

      • PieInTheSky

        Maybe that if because you Americans do not have strong enough cocks,

      • Pope Jimbo

        Hey Mr. Plagiarist, you bucking for that Harvard President job?

        Why don’t you properly attribute that quote?

        One does not noodle for snapping turtles.

        — Lefty

  42. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of movies, I watched Batman Returns the other night, for some reason.

    Lame. Not even Michelle Pfeiffer could save it.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Or are turtles dissimilar to catfish ?

    Maybe a little.

  44. UnCivilServant

    Oh, Hey, Today’s the start of the AiArt Series – Part 1 drops in the lunchtime slot.

    • PieInTheSky

      lunchtime was 5 hours ago.

      • UnCivilServant

        You also change your clocks on the wrong days, so, I don’t trust your timekeeping.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    It’s not personal

    Lawyers for New York Attorney General Letitia James argued that Donald Trump and his co-defendants should be required to post a bond to cover the $464 million judgment in their civil fraud case in a court filing Monday.

    The attorney general’s office argued that the former president might be unable to satisfy the judgment or could attempt to evade penalties in the absence of a full bond.

    “Moreover, there is significant risk that absent a full bond or deposit, defendants will attempt to evade enforcement of the judgment or to make enforcement more difficult after an appeal,” Senior Assistant Solicitor Dennis Fan said in the filing.

    ——-

    Rather than post a bond for the total amount, Trump offered to secure a $100 million bond, arguing he would need to sell properties to pay the full amount. However, Judge Anil Singh declined to issue the stay of the penalties, leaving the larger question of Trump’s delay to a full panel of appellate judges.

    He must be bled dry.

  46. The Late P Brooks

    In a filing Monday, Attorney General James reiterated that Trump should be treated with the same rules as any other defendant.

    “To stay enforcement of a set monetary judgment pending appeal, the Legislature has required defendants to post a bond or deposit funds in the full amount of the judgment. That requirement applies to defendant Donald J. Trump and his co-defendants, just as it applies to any other appellant,” the filing said.

    The AG’s filing said that Trump has also failed to prove his claim that he would have to sell buildings to pay off the judgment in the case, adding that Trump’s arguments run contrary to his earlier arguments about his wealth.

    She can sue him all over again for duplicitously deflating the value of his assets.