“Barron is finally 18,” Lindsay whispered into his pillow. His leathery tongue scraped across the satin of the pillowcase with an audible rasp.
Images flashed as he gooned, nearing, nearing, nearing the bright flash of orgasm and retreating, hand throttling his weak erection, seizure, the inward falling never landing.
He imagined the autistic attention of Barron attending his asshole adroitly, the fumbling of his giant hands as they groped and pulled and squeezed and pinched. Lindsay’s other hand stretched out his scrotum to a thin film of scarred flesh, his two tiny testicles smashed like faces against a window frame.
“Big strong millie-tarry man,” he gasped. Barron in uniform. Barron throwing a potato-masher grenade. Barron in an SS uniform beating Lindsay in a Zyklon-B shower, the Prussian Blue residue matching the giant boy’s blue blue eyes.
“Ah, Gawd, Gawd, Gawd, Gawd!” Lindsay cried as his prostate clenched, then clenched and clenched. Barron paragliding into Lindsay’s cavernous anus. Lindsay’s hand coming down on a platoon of Barrons as they fought in Ukraine, scooping up dozens, Putin laughing as Lindsay shoved them into his mile-wide mouth and chewed on their tiny sharp bones.
“No, no,” Lindsay screamed. “I will not lose this goon! I will not ejaculate!” The skin of his penis sloughed off as he jacked it, fist hammering into his full bladder. “Finally 18, finally, he’s finally 18, 18, 18. It’s OK because he’s 18.”
“GOON!” he screamed, praying that the other guests in the hotel complained. Barron pounding on his door, Lindsay answering in a negligee and torn stockings. Cop uniform, tight on Barron. Both trudgeons at rapt attention.
“Nooooo!” Lindsay moaned as he came, goon lost, spent, sweaty, crying.
“Finally 18,” Lindsay said, the salt of his tears burning lips and tongue.
Ouch.
Uhh, wow.
Oh shiiiiiiiiit.
With Lindsey, I kinda figured that 18 is when he loses interest…
Definitely my least favorite part of working in deathcare.
Whelp, that is certainly something.
Yes, yes it was. Something.
Weird,
While taking a Wiki ride during my morning coffee I looked up the origin of the word Goon. My recollection was confirmed; it was first coined in Popeye cartoons.
Alice the Goon.
Alice the Goon was a super-creepy character. As were all the Goons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCZg9yapEfk
Brain bleach
Wildlife conservators found 500 pounds of pythons in a single day last month in Collier County, Florida.
The 11 Burmese pythons were found Feb. 21 in three different breeding aggregations, or “mating balls,” that contained one female snake and multiple male snakes, according to the Conservancy of Southwest Florida.
It was a record daily capture for the conservancy, which has been researching and removing snakes from the environment for over 10 years.
——-
The conservancy uses male snakes that it tags with radio transmitters to lead it to female snakes during the breeding season, Bartoszek said. Once the conservancy captures the snakes in an effort to suppress the local python population, they are euthanized, and tissue samples are collected to advance genetic studies.
“It often feels like a ‘CSI’ wildlife crime scene in our lab during necropsies, and we frequently see firsthand how they are getting so large,” Bartoszek said. “We see the remains of white-tailed deer inside of pythons often. This should sound an alarm.”
That’s better.
I feel bad for the poor snakes, but there’s really no getting around the fact that they’re a dangerously invasive species.
Garter snakes form mating balls, too. They’re much smaller and cuter.
A lot of the talk about invasive species implies that there is some fixed state nature is supposed to exist in. That’s conservation as a whole.
Since time immemorial animals have been moving and adapting to new environments with new apex predators stepping in. And humanity has probably helped a lot of that in the small time since we’ve been here. How many changes brought about by man are now seen as normal and to be ‘conserved?’
This is a point that not many outdoors or conservation types make. We’ve had several species introduced to North America that have been spectacularly successful in integrating with the locals and are very popular with sportsmen. Ringneck pheasant, brown trout, and peacock bass are three that come to mind immediately. Others, like lionfish or zebra mussels (or kudzu, hydrilla, and hyacinths for you plant people) not so much. And of course, some are a mixed bag: Nilgai antelope thrive in Texas and seem to get along with the other megafauna, but don’t get a rancher started on feral hogs.
Snek GOON!
Kids these days are going to have a fucked up idea of what a goon squad is.
An unfortunate remake of the anchor point of the “grimy” side* of the goth spectrum:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7thf5zhARz8
WAY too many daylight scenes.
*the “shiny side” is The Matrix.
Nope, and I kinda like Skarsgard.
No more fucking remakes.
Ha! Just today I saw a story hit my newsfeed about a new adaptation in the works! BRAND NEW!
The Neverending Story is being made into a trilogy!
What? You say that was done already? And only the first one was any good?
I saw those movies when I was little.
My reaction can be summed up as “The title is appropriate.”
Well, it is called Neverending Story….
kinnath is dead on.
Stop The Insanity!
Stop the Inanity!
I don’t want to completely dismiss this one as a cynical cash grab. It looks like they’re trying to put together something that complements the source material – they’re just not quite getting it right.
Not gonna see it though. I might get out my autographed Gallery Books omnibus for a re-read…
Great Scott.
I was braced for more Joe Bidenisming. This was unexpected.
His leathery tongue scraped across the satin of the pillowcase with an audible rasp.
That really set the tone for what followed.
Damn, SF, you didn’t waste any time this morning. Right from the git-go.
Even at that it went down hill. Good job, man
RIght up there with the velcro separating.
paragliding into Lindsay’s cavernous anus
There is no escaping that image.
No, there is not.
*stares off into the distance*
“Over Lindsey’s Anus?
I will never be over Lindsey’s anus.”
Barron was a rock!
Is it hypocritical for a libertarian to accept handouts?
https://twitter.com/Yoda4ever/status/1769411026913526233
Awwww!
There is nothing anti-libertarian about offering, or accepting, charity freely given.
Oh, and the porky-pine is adorable. I’m saving that vid for the wife.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13218709/Executive-director-Bill-Hillary-Clinton-Airport-shot-firefight-federal-Bryan-Malinowski.html
Sounds like a middle-off-the-night no-knock search by the ATF. Maybe he put a stock on a pistol.
6am – it was twilight, sort of.
Ridiculous. Shot him, and then ripped open his safe. No details on whether it was a no-knock, but one can only assume a prestigious airport executive is not going to shoot at clearly identified police officers.
Meanwhile…
https://www.wnd.com/2024/03/watch-not-gun-expert-biden-pick-self-destructs-asked-define-assault-weapon/
What, you expect them to wait to a reasonable hour and knock on the door and then politely stand there to talk and serve the warrant?
Nobody’s get any adrenaline rush out of that.
If the Agents want an adrenaline rush, they need to try Russian Roulette with a semiauto.
“…Malinowski is a gun enthusiast who frequently buys and trades firearms. ”
Yes, if he had no guns, unidentified intruders could just barge in unimpeded? Fuck that article.
I assume that everyone here is smart enough to have reinforced exterior doors and door frames, and perimeter cameras covering the front and back doors?
You misspelled autoturrets, landmines, and a nuclear dead man switch tied to an implanted electroencephalograph.
I mean, I would feel bad if one of my land mines took out one of the local elementary school kiddies. For one thing, I’d have to power-wash all the blood off my patio.
I did have an auto-turret for an airsoft gun for a while, but I think I stripped it for another project a while ago.
After the first tango with the razor wire inside the stone wall, the kids learn to stay out.
We have big windows next to our doors, and/or glass doors, so reinforcing them seems rather pointless.
The sequence will go something like:
(1) Somebody breaks in.
(2) Pit bulls go crazy.
(3) Shotgun deployed.
I eagerly await the breathless writeup of the guns and ammo found on the premises if its some doorkickers in the wee hours. Assault rifles! High caliber! Thousands of rounds!
I’m just going to go rock back and forth in the corner.
REEEEEEE.
/Me for the first 10 minutes after reading this post
I was so excited when I realized it was Sugar Free day!
Thank you for this fantastic episode! You made my week so much brighter!
SugarFree made your hole weak!
Well, that was……wow.
Mood music
And now we have an entirely new set of nightmares to deal with.
Thank you SF.
“Barron is finally 18…feet tall.”
How tall is that kid now? Last time I saw him he looked close to 7′.
So you are suggesting he might be our Harrison Bergeron?
Yes – on a mission to avenge his father and impale the Diana Moon Glampers of this world on spikes all around DC.
So what you’re saying is I shouldn’t apply for that open Assistant Handicapper General job?
Stop.
Just like Lyndsey I can only get so hard.
Hopefully, unlike Lindsey, you can get hard without the use of barely pubescent boys or staring at charred piles of brown child corpses.
Welp, that answers the “do I want to eat something before hitting the road?” question.
No. No I do not.
Easy day to stick to the ol’ diet.
Had some tuna salad – before. Still holding.
I feel dirty for having read that. And not in a good way.
How long has “Sugarverse” been a tag?
Hasn’t it always been there?
Have you crossed any dimensional mandalas recently?
Just now. Mostly for these sorts of interludes.
Well, there goes the gaslighting.
Oops. Yeah, I guess I should have left him with an air of mystery.
If it was the Freeverse, people would be expecting some really strange crossovers.
J Edgar Hoover?
AKA Lyndsey in a dress.
the Prussian Blue
Huh. For the color, I would have expected Field Gay.
Feldschwul
From context, I think he was describing a reaction byproduct of Zyklon-B
3.
^^^^
So SF took OMWC’s Greta fantasies and swapped them around to Miss Lindsey and Master Barron. NTTAWWT.
Probably should’ve stuck a “NSFW if your boss is a humorless scold” warning on there.
I used to but I figured that was just implied at this point.
I meant for my link.
My boss has a sense of humor that, were it any blacker, it would’ve knocked up a Kardashian by now. Our reaction to the Sugarverse is a mixture of guffaws and dry heaves, usually at the same time.
At least you have someone to share it with. I am deeply closeted at work. Surrounded by squishies.
Well, I’m retired, so my micromanaging boss is pretty easy-going.
“Velcro Cat”?
I’m assuming OMWC passed over introducing you to Tomb Raider.
Tomb Raider
The less we talk about OMWC’s dating history the better.
She did meet him with the totally expected results.
I have had an unreasonably successful series of hookups with a cute Reformed Jewess.
I have not told her about this site yet. She takes astrology waaaaay too seriously.
What happened to the dot Indian?
Egad
Its continuous execution and impressive business performance have contributed to a surging stock price. Over the past year, Chipotle stock has gained an impressive 74%, but that’s just the beginning. For those lucky enough to get in on its IPO in early 2006, the stock has soared from $22 to roughly $2,798, a mind-boggling gain of 12,616%.
In a press release that dropped after the market close on Tuesday, Chipotle announced plans to split its stock for the first time in the company’s 30-year history. This stunning revelation is generating a fresh wave of interest in the restauranteur and its stock. It also raises questions for shareholders regarding the mechanics of a stock split and what it means to investors.
I had no idea.
50-1 split, apparently.
I’m just a rube, but “restaurant” stocks seem like a bad idea currently.
And, anecdotally, our local Chipotle is horribly mismanaged, to the point that we will never give them any business again.
Chipotle sucks. Any random roach coach serving tacos is better.
This is cheaper than the Special K diet. 🤮
Lindsay’s not the only one.
Heh.
That second one really nails it.
Sorry, OT but gotta head to work. I daren’t read before. TPTB: I’m assuming my sub went through but it still says ‘Pending.’ I have no day/time request for publishing, but would like to know in advance.
Yesterday was 96 K-5 kids, and I’m guessing today will be around the same. Terrible program with children my generation raised. Jesus, I am so upset with (nearly all of) them, constantly. There are always great moments, and truthfully, the kids rightfully complain about the bullshit they’re enduring. I agree w them, but I’d rather earn (to whatever extent) my $15.70/hr. Got another direct message from the VP of a local publication. Hrm. I responded and we’ll see what, if anything, develops further.
“Pending” means it has been submitted but not scheduled.
Speaking of gaping anuses
California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) announced a new partnership with automaker Stellantis on Tuesday that promises to get more clean cars on the road in the state.
Stellantis — which has brands including Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep and Ram— will join five other major automakers that previously agreed to California’s framework on cutting emissions in 2019. Under the agreement, the governor’s office said Stellantis “will avoid up to 12 million additional metric tons of greenhouse gas emissions” through the model year 2026.
Stellantis will also adhere to the state’s zero-emissions light-duty vehicle sales requirements through 2030.
“This partnership with Stellantis will help California achieve our ambitious goals to drastically cut pollution and get more clean cars on the roads,” Newsom said in a statement.
“The biggest and most influential companies in the world understand that this is how we can fight climate change together, and it’s another example of the private sector joining California to help millions of people get into clean vehicles,” he added.
Clean. Zero emission.
Let’s see those new SEC expanded environmental liability numbers.
Partner up with someone actively hostile to your business. What could go wrong?
But it feel$ $o right.
Also Stellantis.
Well, Stellantis will end quickly. They have so far made every wrong move possible.
They have decided that V8 isn’t the way forward.. not that they are dropping stupidly powered engines.
https://www.autoblog.com/2022/03/25/stellantis-hurricane-i6-hemi-replacement/
I have a 500+PS V8 in the Range Rover.. unnecessary, but it goes.
The hurricane seems like a really well designed engine, but they’ve been kinda vague on what they’re gonna put them in.
I think trucks are the only thing confirmed.
Putting it into a new car? Stellantis doesn’t have any left over Daimler designs that aren’t 25 years old.
Yes, they are hedging their bets.. if EV is forced on them, then batteries will be the “fastest/quickest” cars. If not they will have the Hurricane in their back pocket ready to go, and if not enough, they can make another monster engine and revive the HEMI.
Heavy trucks will keep the Cummins diesel.
Except in California of course. I had to sign an agreement to never try to move my truck to California.
It is currently in: Dodge Ram. And the big Waggoneer. It will also go in the new Charger. They don’t have a lot more models to put it in as of now, since they discontinued so many MOPAR models. It will be too long for the Wrangler I think.
Not Lordstown motors? They’ve changed their name to Nu Ride!
Macron asks Russia for a ceasefire during the Olympics (which Russia isn’t invited to).
https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2024-03-16/russia-will-be-asked-for-ceasefire-during-olympics-macron-tells-ukraine-interviewer
Five other automakers — Ford, Honda, BMW of North America and Volkswagen Group of America — already agreed to the emissions standards in 2019. Under the agreement with Stellantis, the automaker will invest $4 million in public charging infrastructure in rural areas and public parks in the state. It will also invest $6 million in other states that have adopted California’s emission standards.
No coercion was involved. Just a little enlightened self-interest.
At the going rate, $4M is probably 3 and a half chargers.
Not counting the coal fired plant to power them all.
The hurricane seems like a really well designed engine, but they’ve been kinda vague on what they’re gonna put them in.
In-line sixes are great motors.
The manufacturers have become obsessed with cramming everything into an absurdly small space. A long narrow motor doesn’t really fit the pattern. They’re going to three cylinders, for crying out loud.
Preliminary review by a mechanic that I saw on YouTube had a mixed view.
He pointed out some odd packaging choices for service and, naturally, cost cutting plastic parts that were likely to both break and located in hard to service places. He also said that it seemed like the the higher output was really pushed to high boost pressures for a gasoline motor.
I can’t remember where I saw it or I’d link it. On balance he was positive on the lower output motor.
The new Hurricane engine is definitely having teething pains and should be avoided for the time being. Seems like old Chrysler is back all the sudden after all the progress Marchionne did.
I really could have gone all day without reading that. I really could have. I would have been fine.
True, but the next time Sen. Graham is brought up – you will have this mental image to fall back on. It is the context that he deserves to be thought of in.
This context is infinitely better than what he deserves to be thought of in.
I had to sign an agreement to never try to move my truck to California.
?!
Did you buy it in Nevada or Arizona?
Ditto on the question. Who made you sign this agreement?
Maryland dealer (for sale into Pennsylvania). 2017 when we bought it.
Just your friendly reminder that if they had not been able to fortify the 2020 election, they were going to engage in mass violence.
This is what coordinated political violence actually looks like. It isn’t Trump saying be peaceful to his supporters but them having a super secret decoder ring that tells them he really meant riot.
Cool link, bro!
I see Nissan is killing off the Titan after the 2024 model year. So, now I own two vehicles that Nissan decided to kill off the model lines.
I’m still pissed that I can’t buy a new Xterra.
Settled for an AWD CRV. Wanted an Xterra but alas, Nissan don’t sell ’em no more. Have you heard any rumbles about a new version?
Nissan says, sure we’ve got one in the works. It will be unibody with a CVT and turbo 4. You’ll love it!
That vehicle is named R O G U E.
We have a Rogue. I hate the CVT, but is a good enough vehicle for general commuting, moving bulky items around, and even for some roadtrips.
He also said that it seemed like the the higher output was really pushed to high boost pressures for a gasoline motor.
I haven’t really seen much about stock boost levels. The original Saab Turbo only ran about five psi.
The “1000 horsepowers!!!” youtube crazies run absurd levels of boost; 3 or 4 bar, or more. That’s on E85; you couldn’t get away with that on gasoline.
26 PSI on a 9.5:1 compression ratio.
26 PSI on a 9.5:1 compression ratio.
In the Hurricane? Yikes. I foresee some spectacular catastrophic failures.
Florida Man says. “Just wait until I chip it!”
It’s already happening, I just don’t think it hit the news yet.
You can get away with a lot with direct injection and fully adjustable ignition systems. Avoiding detonation can be done with more variables other than ignition timing.
The combustion event can be modified with the effective compression ratio, fuel to air ratio, octane, injection timing, and ignition spark timing and mode.
This, My Cobalt SS is boosted to 15psi stock at 11:1 compression, but that is the static compression. The variable valve timing really reduces the actual ratio to 8 or 9.
Runs fine on regular. The stage one upgrade ups boost to 22 psi, but you have to run premium.
No clue what the TRD supercharger on Mrs. Dean’s FJ does for boost. I do like the sound it makes when it is spooled up, though.
“Barron is finally 18,” Lindsay whispered into his pillow.”
Good Lord. I have literally read one sentence and I’m already queasy.
That’s exactly where I broke off to comment!
Alright. Done now. So, so done. And I have to say, he was easing us into it (so to speak) with that opener.
Real life example:
https://thepostmillennial.com/fmr-nbc-exec-deletes-tweet-lusting-after-18-year-old-barron-trump
We’ve all been added to a list just for reading this masterwork. Gooned lol.