IFLA: The “More Tussling” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of April 7

by | Apr 7, 2024 | IFLA | 163 comments

So clean!


So… what do we have in the sky for this week?  Tomorrow will be an alignment between the Sun the Moon and the Earth, but you probably already know that.  Of course, that raises the question, what is the Astrological significance of an eclipse?  Well, as you remember from previous installments of Know Your Omens, anything strange happening in the sky is considered a violation of the Divine Perfection and therefore bad.  This should be even worse for something like the sun being eaten.  However something to keep in mind is that popularity overrides philosophical consistently any day of the week and for the last couple of centuries eclipses have been really popular spectacles.  Which means any astrologer wanting to keep their client base is going to encourage celebrations and parties on that day.

However. It’s going to be a baaaaaad time for Aries.  Not only does the sun get eaten in that constellation (If you want to know what Aries looks like, that’s the constellation that will shows up when the sun goes away). and it is hosting MERCURY RETROGRADE, that little fuckwit will be aligning with the sunblocking moon on Tuesday and then slipping directly between the earth and Sun on Friday.  Aries and Pisces are drawing all the fire, so if you’re one of the other ten, make sure to thank those guys for making your week less sucky.


Angel is afraid to take on Lily unless she’s distracted. Kind of a bitch move.


Aries: 5 of Coins reversed – Rejection.

Taurus: 4 of Swords – Rest, safety, guardianship.

Gemini: King of Wands reversed – Difficulties involving a redneck, traditional male type.

Cancer: 2 of coins reversed -Parties that aren’t fun, or someone who is having fun — but at your expense.

Leo: 10 of Wands – Succeeding/progressing in your efforts, but these responsibilities inhibit you.

Virgo: Judgement reversed – Something coming to a final end, or something which was thought to have ended becoming a problem again.

Libra: 7 of Cups – A visit from the Good Idea Fairy. For those of you unfamiliar with this entity, this is not a good thing.

Scorpio: Page of Swords reversed – Just because it’s unimportant doesn’t mean it can’t be a real pain in the ass.

Sagittarius: 6 of Swords – Journey by water, or an unsuccessful attempt to run away from your problems.

Capricorn: 6 of Coins – Competition for your resources, necessity of making decisions.

Aquarius: Queen of Swords reversed – Typically female-coded bad things happening. Can also mean a literal woman causing problems for you.

Pisces: 8 of Cups reversed – Past humility leading to good things, or a reward beyond what you’d think appropriate for your efforts.


About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

163 Comments

  1. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: Page of Swords reversed – Just because it’s unimportant doesn’t mean it can’t be a real pain in the ass.

    So what else is new? My job is ALWAYS that way.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: 6 of Swords – Journey by water, or an unsuccessful attempt to run away from your problems.

    I’m gonna need a bigger boat.

    • SDF-7

      Or I should take the next week off and take a road trip for the hell of it apparently.

  3. Fourscore

    Lily challenges all comers, holds her own.

  4. Sean

    “Cancer: 2 of coins reversed -Parties that aren’t fun, or someone who is having fun — but at your expense.”

    don’t care. I have 6 lbs of strips to grill today.

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Disinformation wars

    And yet in Kennedy’s next statement on the topic, he struck a similar tone. Rather than disavowing the idea that the rioters are being prosecuted unjustly, Kennedy embraced it, saying he is “concerned about the possibility that political objectives motivated the vigor of the prosecution of the J6 defendants.”

    He argued, “Reasonable people, including Trump opponents, tell me there is little evidence of a true insurrection. They observe that the protestors carried no weapons, had no plans or ability to seize the reins of government, and that Trump himself had urged them to protest ‘peacefully.'”

    CBS News’ Scott MacFarlane, who has extensively covered the Jan. 6 prosecutions, pointed out that there were, in fact “many, many, many weapons carried by the protesters, including guns, knives, axes, batons, bats, sticks, flagpoles, pepper and bear spray and a tomahawk,” and they used them to attack police who were trying to protect the Capitol.

    It was a co-ordinated assault by heavily armed and well organized underground fascist white supremacist militia. Only by the grace of god did our nation escape a plunge into totalitarianism. They damn near captured our flag!

    • juris imprudent

      The Speaker’s Lectern! Does no one understand the vast powered contained therein?

    • R C Dean

      “there were, in fact “many, many, many weapons carried by the protesters, including guns, knives, axes, batons, bats, sticks, flagpoles, pepper and bear spray and a tomahawk,”

      I’m pretty sure that is not, in fact, a fact.

      • Brochettaward

        I have never seen a single report of a gun present let alone one being used.

        It would have taken about 6 well armed and determined Trump supporters to cause some serious fucking damage. And yet, that didn’t happen. Because there was no fucking “insurrection.”

      • Ted S.

        Tell that to Ashli Babbitt.

      • Suthenboy

        This. The only violence/gun play was by the police. There was only one death – the murder of Ashli Babbitt.
        No mention is made of the 200 FBI agents in the crowd.
        The entire thing was theater, a big fat lie and very transparently so.

      • R C Dean

        There were two killings by police – Ms. Babbit, and the woman beaten to death by the Capitol Police, who also drove off the people trying to give her assistance. Her name was Rosanne Boyland. The cops blamed her death on (a) some kind of overdose or (b) being trampled by the crowd. Witnesses, however, report she was beaten to, and possibly on, the ground by the Capitol Police, who then refuse to allow anyone to render assistance.

      • The Hyperbole

        Here’s one.

        And no I am not claiming that there was an “Insurrection” but it wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops either.

      • Suthenboy

        Given the Stazi’s tendency to demand private viewing info, their cravenness and the nature of this subject I am not downloading anything.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Of course, don’t walk the walk

      • The Hyperbole

        I don’t know which sources you’ll look at or accept but here’s the Google result page on the dude. And since you probably wont use google either, here’s the DDG page.

      • Suthenboy

        Oh, its not a matter of that. If you say so I will. have a look. I just dont download anything. I will look at the DDG.

      • Suthenboy

        Ok, that is something I can get my teeth into. So far the reports I have heard were pretty thin and sketchy.
        Ok, one dude with a gun…not using it but acting aggressively. Dude is a lunatic.
        Still, a hell of a long way from an insurrection worse than Pearl Harbor and 9/11 put together.

      • Brochettaward

        He of course wasn’t even accused of using the gun, brandishing it or anything else. Just having it on his person. And he never entered the building. Weasel words like he was on capitol grounds.

      • Brochettaward

        That’s worth 7 years, by the way.

      • juris imprudent

        Some bastard got convicted for having an empty holster. DC can fucking die in nuclear hellfire and I’m going to shed a single tear.

      • R C Dean

        The fact that he was a pretendian (well, an actor of Italian heritage) just makes it even more delicious in Present Day.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Born in LA. He’s a native American. And how.

      • R C Dean

        #metoo

    • Grumbletarian

      The violence on Jan. 6 was extensive. The mob of Trump supporters stormed past police barriers, engaged in hand-to-hand combat with officers, smashed windows and poured into the Capitol building, sending lawmakers running into hiding.

      A grim reenactment of that dark day in history.

    • Suthenboy

      Many weapons huh? Evidence?
      Maybe, and I am just spitballing here, Scott McFarlane is a liar and propagandist, not a journalist.

  6. rhywun

    It’s going to be a baaaaaad time for Aries.

    🧐

    • SDF-7

      Really going to ram the joke home there, huh?

  7. Fourscore

    Why couldn’t the eclipse have been scheduled for the week end so more people could have seen it without losing work?

    Biden/Democrats don’t care about the working stiff.

  8. Rebel Scum

    Can also mean a literal woman causing problems for you.

    I got 99 problems…

    • Mojeaux

      You know, as opposed to a figurative woman.

      • SDF-7

        You know, as opposed to a figurative woman.

        So… a trans-woman?

      • Gender Traitor

        I love that song so much!!! 😃

  9. Rebel Scum

    Tomorrow will be an alignment between the Sun the Moon and the Earth, but you probably already know that.

    It’s been eclipsing other news.

    • dbleagle

      At dawn we will have less than 10% and it will rapidly drop to zero.

  10. juris imprudent

    Rejection

    Succinct, and sets the bar about as low as it can get.

    • dbleagle

      That’s, like, your opinion man.

  11. Evan from Evansville

    Dear Glibs: I fixed my computer camera. It was a very, very simple, physical switch. With a physical red marker for ‘OFF.’

    Oft, I am intelligent. With incredible frequency, I am remarkably stupid. Well. I did put my voice in, at least. I had a lovely time hearin’ and seein’ some of y’all. I intend to return with more frequency.

  12. SDF-7

    This is the kind of stuff one would think would breed revolutions. Manifestly stupid and unjust… so of course the government is doing it!

    • Fourscore

      That would have been my first choice but I’m thinking it wouldn’t make a lot of difference. We see pictures of the destruction the new comers cause, no water or electricity wouldn’t make much difference.

      Arrest and detention. In the early ’60s GA still had chain gangs, not sure about the efficacy but it made me happy to watch the ‘workers’ cleaning out ditches.

    • Rebel Scum

      squatter’s rights

      A peculiar concept in a country that allegedly has property rights. Squatters are thieves and should be dealt with accordingly.

    • Suthenboy

      Well…voters getting what they voted for….or not. I think two of our NY’s have said voting in NYC is an exercise in futility.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      And it is so freaking insidious. There is never going to be a direct causal link between link lowering standards to achieve “equitable” outcomes and processes and systems degrading and failing.

      By the time the consequences manifest to a point where it will be readily apparent to the normiest normie in normietown, the iceberg is going to be nearly impossible to avoid.

  13. Trigger Hippie

    Lily is cathartic. Good girl. Good Owner.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    We can argue about why these disparities exist and how to close them—something that policymakers and philanthropists have been trying to do for decades.

    Objection, Your Honor.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Meanwhile the American Mathematical Association declares math to be racist and President Biden puts a soil geologist with no background in physics at the top of the Department of Energy’s science programs. This new science director may know nothing about nuclear weapons and nuclear physics, but she checks off several identity politics boxes and publishes on such topics as “A Critical Feminist Approach to Transforming Workplace Climate.”

    Sounds legit.

    • Suthenboy

      The Bee?

      • Fourscore

        There really needs to be some territorial divisions.

      • Suthenboy

        This govt is doing their very best to erase all such distinctions.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So like his ‘energy’ head? Same shit, different day.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    The Bee?

    You wish.

    Tres’ link.

    • Suthenboy

      I hadn’t clicked…I got that as a flyer in the mail. I read a bit and same stuff I knew in principle. Apparently I did not read far enough.

  17. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Rejection

    I had a pithy comment ready, but then I got zooted and forgot

  18. Yusef drives a Kia

    Why does this all sound like shit?
    Guns and Imma stand up to the GOV, it’s all bullshit.
    No one will stand and be first to get killed, so quit acting so tough,
    Suthen

    • Aloysious

      You made me think. Or, perhaps I should say, reflect.

      History has many examples of people saying, basically, “Fuck it, I’ve had enough.” The Jews at Masada, for example. William Wallace, maybe.

      Such people are surely uncommon.

      Modern era, maybe John Brown, whether he was right or wrong. Maybe David Koresh or Randy Weaver.

      Today, what would it take for one of those unusual people to get a serious case of the fuckits? I don’t know. For me, I think it would be something along the lines of losing my home. My extended family being killed. Something like that.

      I hope none of us ever have to face that kind of decision, or are put anywhere near that situation. That being said, it is a possibility, remote as it may be.

      Again, I hope we never find out.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        It’s like a genetic mutation. Most of these, perhaps all of them, have been the equivilant of being born with something

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        erm…

        Equivalent of something stupid, like a tail or six fingers. So, one offs and nothing to write home about. But as more and more people have these mutations, as the “mutations” are no longer stupid, but are effective, then nature starts selecting for them: the sixth finger gives more gripping strength, something like that. All of the previous “lone wacko’s”, they weren’t accomplishing anything, because society, in aggregate, worked. People didn’t mind taxes, as they felt they got more out of them, they didn’t mind the debt, as they felt it was paying for something important, etc. But, as more and more breaks down, and as we are forced to pay for more and more of that worthless crap, those spin-offs, those genetic mutations if you will, start being selected for it, as nature/society finds that these things work. Doubt, fear, thrift, all work well in surviving the crap being dished out.

        That is why you hadn’t seen too many of these “lone wacko’s”, so to speak. They didn’t work in the system, when it was working for the majority, and as it works for less and less, you will see more and more of these people come out of the woodwork. We just aren’t at the point of an armed revolution, yet.

    • R C Dean

      Of course, that’s not the way it usually starts. It’s incremental on both sides. The ratchet clicks on the government side, the Irish Democracy gets traction on the people’s side, the ratchet clicks again and ramps up the oppression, somebody takes some potshots at the oppressors, the ratchet clicks and some people killed by the oppressors, lather, rinse, repeat, next thing you know you have convoys of armored vehicles needed to go into no-go zones.

      What is unique about the US is the vast armed population that the government will attempt to oppress. If/when they get to sending door-kickers block by block to confiscate guns, there will be a bloodbath.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        I always think of Northern Ireland, which, along with having a serious kick off event in Bloody Sunday, were British police fired upon non-violent protesters, there was also a long tradition of the IRA being around, although pretty low key at that point, and also a lot of very strong Pro-British social clubs and fraternal societies. The only thing close to that I am aware of are various “militias”, which are half FBI informants at this point.

        What I am getting at is their aren’t really primed groups ready to do serious damage at this point.

      • R C Dean

        Probably not. But the dry tinder in the US is far bigger and more explosive.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Bigger, sure, but would say it is equally dry.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Such people are surely uncommon.

    Modern era, maybe John Brown, whether he was right or wrong. Maybe David Koresh or Randy Weaver.

    There have been a few, like the guy who flew his plane into an IRS building. They’ll never be anything but deranged lone wolf crackpots, because that’s the preferred narrative.

    You’ll never set eyes on their “I’ve had all I can stands, and I can’t stands no more!” manifestos, of that you may be certain.

  20. Derpetologist

    Spot the Not: Kamala Harris

    1. Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream. Our dreams are like our children.

    2. Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine so basically that’s wrong.

    3. I am Kamala Harris, my pronouns are she and her, and I am a woman sitting at the table wearing a blue suit.

    4. We invested an additional $12 billion into community banks, because we know community banks are in the community, and understand the needs and desires of that community as well as the talent and capacity of community.

    5. We’ve got to take this stuff seriously, as seriously as you are because you have been forced to take this seriously.

    6. I think that, to be very honest with you, I — I do believe that we should have rightly believed, but we certainly believed that certain issues are just settled. Certain issues are just settled.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      Numero Uno es malo.

      • rhywun

        Wasn’t that Bush Pѐre?

    • Ted S.

      I’ll go with #4.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      and I am a woman sitting at the table wearing a blue suit.

      Tsk tsk, Kammie. Using color to describe what you’re wearing is not accessible!

      • hayeksplosives

        If any of you lot get on the Zooms tonight, please let us know here in the comments!

      • Gender Traitor

        If a blind person even knows from blue, I doubt they care that she’s wearing it. 🙄 (Do exasperated blind people roll their eyes?)

      • Tres Cool

        Didn’t they steal that scene or something similar from Sidney Poitier in “Patch of Blue”?

        And this too.

      • Derpetologist

        I read once that children born blind will cover their faces out of frustration or embarrassment just like other children.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’ll go with number 1.

      • Rebel Scum

        Same. I recognize most of the others.

    • juris imprudent

      #3 – she does not know she is a woman because she is not a biologist and the gender assigned on her identification is hierarchical oppression.

      • Gender Traitor

        No, that’s KBJ. #3 is a legit KH quote.

      • Rebel Scum
      • juris imprudent

        I was being facetious, I have no real idea on this set. Though I’m leaning to #5 just because she would never admit we’ve been forced to take something seriously.

    • Derpetologist

      #1 is the not. The first sentence is from Bush 43 and the second is from a fictional ex-president in the film My Fellow Americans.

    • Ted S.

      We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

  21. The Gunslinger

    I’m pretty sure I recall 2 & 3 occuring.
    The Not could be any of the other options.
    I’ll say #5 is the Not.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I like all shapes..but those…those are nice

      • Ted S.

        You like cubic boobs? 😉

      • Ted S.

        If a Hungarian university professor went topless, you’d see Rubik’s boobs.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I am a man…are there really any boobs we say no to? I know we get a bit more selective as we age, but boobs are boobs.

      • Ted S.

        Concave boobs? :-p

      • R C Dean

        “are there really any boobs we say no to”

        Speaking for myself, absolutely.

        (1) Boobs on dudes.

        (2) Cartoonishly huge fake boobs on women.

      • rhywun

        (1) Boobs on dudes.

        *sheds tear*

      • Tres Cool

        Chuck Schumer hardest hit.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I forgot about our modern world for a second and one I refuse to acknowledge. You sir are correct

  22. Ownbestenemy

    I rarely took vacations while I worked in Vegas. Here? Week one of two down…done jack shit really. Dug out a 5’x5′ garden space as a tester for the soil and seeds. KYU says we have great soil, but it digs like clay. On the digging…my shoulder is killing me since I slipped on that ice a month or so ago. Fuck getting old.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Is that Eddie Vedder? /ducks

      • Tres Cool

        Fun fact- his real name is Edward Severson.

  23. Derpetologist

    Spot the Not: Karine Jean-Pierre

    1. I was born in Martinique.

    2. I know Joe Biden well. I find him incredibly endearing.

    3. I am a Black, gay, immigrant woman.

    4. I had a lot of ups and downs. Being an immigrant in this country is incredibly difficult.

    5. I spent my whole childhood, my college years, thinking that I would be a doctor.

    6. I learned compassion from being discriminated against.

    • R.J.

      2

      • R C Dean

        3 is quite simpleminded and on-the-nose, so its probably not the Not, but I’ll vote for it.

    • Derpetologist

      6 is the not. That is an Ellen DeGeneres quote.

      Thanks for playing, and if you didn’t spot the not this time, don’t worry. I’ll try to post a few new ones each week.

      This has been Spot! The! Not!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-bquGDodSM

  24. R C Dean

    Welp, it’s been nice knowing you all. If any of us survive tomorrow’s apoceclipse, pls. check into the comments afterwards.

    • Tres Cool

      I’m afraid to leave the house. The Local News had a story on their webpage- “AAA has tips for driving during the eclipse”.

      Unless they’re addressing the volume of traffic from the Moonies* that have descended upon SW Ohio, I hope theyre not speaking to driving in the dark.

      *Went to meet some HS classmates at a local pizza place (Marion’s Pizza). The lot was I-shit-you-not 2/3 full of out of state tags. Mostly PA and Michigan, some NY.
      Ive never seen that store so busy…..so good for the economy ?

    • Ted S.

      Well, I was killed by the Y2K bug….

      • Rebel Scum

        The Mayan calendar got me.

      • Tres Cool

        Not net neutrality ?

      • hayeksplosives

        I was weakened by acid rain so I couldn’t make it through Africanized bees.

        Just as well. The murder hornets would have been a more painful way to go.

    • Mojeaux

      I’m watching a whodunnit dramedy from a normal network, which dramedy I actually find charming, which means the rapture happened and I was left behind.

      • Mojeaux

        The only thing it’s missing is “Just one more thing…”

    • creech

      You’ll be fine. If we could survive the horrendous east coast earthquake, you should be able to survive 3 minutes of darkness and the umpteen thousands of news “journalists” converging on the path from every burg in the country that has a tv station.

  25. pan fried wylie

    By the time the consequences manifest to a point where it will be readily apparent to the normiest normie in normietown, the iceberg is going to be nearly impossible to avoid.

    Those normies are reaching that conclusion from the lifeboats as they watch the stern slide into the depths.

    • Rebel Scum

      This analogy keeled it.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        It will really propel this thread.

        Unless Swiss ices it.

      • Tres Cool

        He has too much invested here.
        Its the sunk-cost-fallacy.

  26. R C Dean

    Another white pill, courtesy again of Elon Musk:

    https://twitter.com/SpaceX/status/1776669097490776563

    The bullet points, if, like me, you rarely have the time or patience for video:

    SpaceX will be ready to launch 4th test flight in early May
    There is an 80-90% chance they will attempt a tower landing of Superheavy, caught by its chopstick arms, by the end of this year
    Starship will require at least two precision ocean landings before they attempt a tower landing
    To provide tower redundancy for these test landings, by next year they will have 2 towers at Boca Chica, 2 at Cape Canaveral, with Cape Canaveral operational by next year
    In 2024 they hope to build 6 Superheavys and Starships for test flights
    By 2025 they plan to test full refueling of Starship in orbit
    The third iteration of Starship/Superheavy will be capable of placing 200 tons in orbit
    That third iteration will cost less to launch than Falcon 1, $2-3 million
    To make a base on Mars self-sufficient quickly, he anticipates sending large fleets of Starships every two years, everytime the flight window to Mars opens.
    The preferred landing sites will be in the low mid-latitudes, 30-40 degrees, with elevations two kilometers below the Martian “sea level”, to take advantage of a thick atmosphere.
    If all goes as planned, Musk expects SpaceX to establish a Mars colony in about two decades.

    https://behindtheblack.com/behind-the-black/points-of-information/musk-provides-update-to-his-boca-chica-crew/

  27. Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

    “Do you know the joke about Lenin in Zurich? Stalin commissions this huge painting of ‘Lenin in Zurich’ and the unveiling takes place with enormous fanfare in front of thousands of dignitaries. The curtains are pulled back and the painting is of Krupskaya in bed with Trotsky and Trotsky is smoking a pipe. Stalin is outraged and shouts at the artist: ‘Where’s Lenin?’ The artist says: ‘In Zurich.’”

    • Derpetologist

      Genden slapped Stalin and broke his pipe. 2 years later, he was purged. Still, a ballsy move. He was a staunch Buddhist and opposed Stalin’s order to liquidate 100,000 Mongolian lamas.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peljidiin_Genden

  28. Shpip

    In a hotel room in San Antonio…

    Wife: You’ve never flown us a thousand miles to see an astronomical event before. This had to have cost a lot of money.

    Me: Well, money ain’t everything.

    Wife: It’s not that big a deal, babe. I mean it’s four lousy minutes of darkness, if that.

    Me: Ever hear of Pelé?

    Wife: Yeah, he’s uh… a soccer player.

    Me: The most famous soccer player in the world. I was in my room late one night… watchin’ the Mexican channel on TV. I don’t know nothin’ about Pele. I’m watchin’ what this guy can do with a ball and his feet. Next thing I know, he jumps in the air and flips into a somersault and kicks the ball in — upside down and backwards… the goddamn goalie never knew what the fuck hit him. Pele gets excited and he rips off his jersey and starts running around the stadium waving it around his head. Everybody’s screaming in Spanish. I’m sitting alone in my room, and I start crying. That’s right, I start crying. Because another human being, a species that I happen to belong to, could kick a ball, and lift himself, and the rest of us sad-assed human beings, up to a better place to be, if only for a minute… let me tell ya, kid – it was pretty goddamned glorious. Now, because we stand on the shoulders of giants, we know where something like a total eclipse will be decades in advance, and you and I have the wherewithal and ability to travel over a thousand miles in an afternoon so we can experience things that scared and mystified our ancestors. It ain’t the four minutes… it’s what happens in that four minutes.

    • R.J.

      Welcome, Shpip. May your skies be clear. I have a campsite reserved in Sulphur Springs TX. The weather will get a tad dramatic so I will decide in the morning if we go out there. So far it looks like we will have time to see it, then turn around and head home before the weather drama starts.

    • Brochettaward

      Our ancestors had very good reasons to be scared of the skies.

      • MikeS
      • Brochettaward

        Nibiru is going to make its return in 2100. This time, the Fristers will have established the hierarchy which will save us from doom. No thanks to MikeS.

      • Brochettaward

        It will all be thanks to my man-womb.

      • MikeS

        Look, I’ve signed up for the monthly $10 “Supporter” level. I just can’t do more right now. These high pressure tactics just aren’t going to help. I’ll do more when I am financially able.

  29. whiz

    it’s what happens in that four minutes.

    Yes!

    • Brochettaward

      I don’t know why shpip is using some fruity soccer player to illustrate his point when he could have used me. I don’t need any four minutes to elevate humanity. Just a split second and sliver of daylight and I burst forth Firsting humanity into the next First Age.

      • MikeS

        Your words make my balls itch.

      • Brochettaward

        Truth often has debilitating effects on charlatans.

      • Brochettaward

        The faithful shall know that he has Firsted.

      • MikeS

        Oh, it’s not debilitating. It’s invigorating. It’s a sign that a True First™️ will soon spooge forth upon the world!

      • Mojeaux

        “itchyballs” makes a GREAT password!

      • MikeS

        /goes to work changing all his passwords

      • R C Dean

        For a stronger password, add a number and a symbol”

        2#itchyballs

      • MikeS

        2itchyballs4U!

      • Mojeaux

        If your balls weigh 2 pounds, you may need to see a doctor.

      • MikeS

        Are you body shaming him? Tsk tsk

      • Ted S.

        He’s a lawyer. He has no capacity to feel shame.

  30. Sean

    Goddamn server errors.

    • Brochettaward

      No server error has ever stopped a First.

      • Sean

        Maybe, but I give up.

        I’ve tried too many times this morning. I blame Swiss and his damn narrowed gaze.

      • Ted S.

        Maybe you should post better music like I do.

      • Sean

        I did try swapping out a different musical link. *shrug*

    • Gender Traitor

      “What can we do to make the city even less appealing to tourists and potential new residents? Shit on the sidewalks hasn’t driven them away completely.”

    • UnCivilServant

      Doesn’t this violate air pollution regulations?

      • Gender Traitor

        “It’s OK when WE do it.”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Makes me open to giving a sympathetic ear to the chemtrailers, in a limited capacity of course.

      • UnCivilServant

        I developed a theory that the whole chemtrail theory is itself a distraction.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Sure, an implausible theory fronted to discredit plausible ones…See also: moonlanding, flat earth, 5G, etc

      • Fourscore

        It’s the reaction to the chemtrails that’s a distraction.

        Good morning, everyone!

        We will not be distracted in Flyover Country. At an appropriate time this afternoon I’ll close my eyes, maybe a little longer than 4 minutes, as a preventive measure. Can’t take any chances.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, 4(20)!

    • rhywun

      Buzzword bingo

  31. Ownbestenemy

    The end is nigh! Week 2 of vacation. Morning folks

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, OBE!

  32. Gender Traitor

    At the moment, the local traffic map is not showing any accidents along my route to work (an earlier one apparently having been cleared.) ::knocks wood…carefully:: So…here goes.

    • Ted S.

      Everybody’s on their way to the eclipse.

      I took today and tomorrow off even though I’m not in the path of totality.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I think we will drive out into the sticks to see it. We are in the <100% path and about 30miles fron totality.