“It is so depressing around here,” Finnegan said.
“It’s re-election fever!” Hunter said. “Catch it!”
Joe snored gently in his hospital bed as the heart monitor beep beep beeped.
“It’s so bad, it barely even feels like summer,” Finnegan said. Crashes and thumps and bumps in the silence of Hunter trying to roll a joint, a gray silver of tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated.
“What is that?” Finnegan asked over the distant rattle of a jackhammer.
“We’re either being invaded or Dr. Jill Biden is redecorating,” Hunter said between quick licks of the edge of the joint to seal the thin paper.
“BEHOLD!” Hunter said, holding the large joint up. “Marijuana, PCP, some whispers of crack dust, and a tiny meth rock surprise.”
“Jesus,” Finnegan said in disgust.
“I call it… THE GOLDEN CHILD!”
Joe gulped and stopped breathing. They waited a long few seconds until he began again.
“We could have a taco party,” Finnegan said. “Taco Parties always cheer everyone up.”
“It didn’t think you were into that sort of stuff,” Hunter said, smelling and squeezing his huge multi-drug joint.
“Taco Parties make everyone happy,” Finnegan said.
“I guess,” Hunter said. “As long as it is with the night interns. The day ones are just hideous.”
“Who care about what the interns look like?” Finnegan demanded.
“It matters very greatly in a Taco Party,” Hunter said, edging against the edge of the Resolute Desk. “Do one wants to go down on a uggo. They say it’s all pink inside, but the small can be pretty bad. Especially on those non-binary chicks that don’t shave.”
“What the fuck are you going on about? I’m talking about making tacos for lunch for everyone.”
“That is not what a Taco Party is,” Hunter said. “It’s a Wife-Tasting Contest with salsa.”
“Can you not be gross? Even if just for a little while?”
“You get a bunch of exam tables and you get them in the stirrups,” Hunter continued. “You grade each of the girls on Appearance, Hygiene, Taste, and Comportment.”
Finnegan squeezed her legs shut tightly.
“The winner gets to go off her birth control pills and have a real period that month,” Hunter said. He paused. “That’s the salsa,” he said with a spreading grin.
“That’s it, I’m done,” Finnegan said. “I’m leaving.”
Hunter shoved his father across on the hospital bed and got in with him.
“Should I have told her that’s how you choose Jill to be your wife?” he asked his sleeping father.
He kissed the liver-spotted forehead of Joe and then lit Hunter his The Golden Child.
Poor Finnegan.
She’s the perfect straight woman (in the comedy act sense of the word). Ever the Margaret Dumont to Hunter’s Groucho Marx.
Joe is Harpo or Gummo?
Just unheard, or never to be seen again?
GayJay is Leppo, the unknown brother.
@GT
[quiet applause]
“We could have a taco party,” Finnegan said.
Oh I know where this is going…
“That is not what a Taco Party is,” Hunter said. “It’s a Wife-Tasting Contest with salsa.”
Exactly where I thought it was going…
Finnegan should start up an OnlyFans
Speechless at that one.
I never thought of a female version of a limp biscuit party until now. Thanks SF!
I had never heard that term before. You should be proud you taught me something nasty.
Suspect “limp biscuit” is a UK term since Limey’s refer to cookies as biscuit. When I was a lad the term was “cream the cookie,” although I never was present at one of those.
Well I am honoured.
Ooky Cookie.
I mean, so I’ve heard.
Ooky Cookie.
Patiently waits until on my RaspPi to check that out.
AFAIK, same thing as limp biscuit party. But I refuse to research further.
I knew when Finnegan said “taco” that Hunter would go there.
Yeah. I saw that and it filled me with a nameless dread. But I read on.
*stands to applaud*
Edit Fairy!
I know, and that’s not the only one. Sug writes on deadline, often putting it together just before it goes up. He gets a pass on typos.
Maybe that’s not a typo, sometimes the small can be pretty bad.
I just thought it was slang I had never heard.
No, I just didn’t have time to proofread. Hectic day.
Why is his tongue gray silver?
That’s a current color at GM?
Necrosis.
Crack head tongue look similar to crack head lips.
What a perfect day to have salmon for lunch!
With salsa?
Tuscan cream sauce with spinach and cherry tomatoes, and rice pilaf. It was pretty good.
In this instance, salsa would be better than relish
Sug writes on deadline, often putting it together just before it goes up. He gets a pass on typos.
Some days it’s more noticeable than others, but it adds to the raw authenticity.
Taco Wednesday?
No strings
French Gates said she is “experimenting with novel tactics” such as doling out $20 million grants to 12 smart people and letting them do with it what they see fit. “I’m eager to see the landscape of funding opportunities through their eyes.”
That kind of unrestricted giving is uncommon in the traditionally bureaucratic realm of philanthropy. But it’s not unheard of, and that’s largely thanks to the way women generally, and Scott in particular, have taken a radical, trust-based approach to giving.
“I think it’s been the bane of a lot of nonprofits’ existence is that, if it’s government grants, they have to comply with a lot of red tape to demonstrate that they’re having an impact,” Amir Pasic, the dean of the Indiana University Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, tells me. “And I think a lot of philanthropies, especially the highly professional foundations kind of emulate that way of looking at things — they want you to know how to measure the impact that you’re having … And nobody asks the nonprofits if these are even the appropriate impact measures.”
I want a $20 million genius grant to buy an island and form an all female mercenary army, please.
I especially like the whining about how the fun is taken out of philanthropy by a bunch of busybody bean counters and nitpickers.
*you can get a degree in “pissing away the family fortune”?
Seems Pie missed the boat…again.
Some inherited-wealth midwit reinvents this idea every five or ten years. It always ends the same way.
Eli Lilly is one of those evil Big Pharma companies. Oh wait, during Covid the parties switched and Big Pharma is ok now. Oh wait, they are based in Indiana, which is bad.
Huh.
Me? A library to preserve as much of the thousands year old conversation that led to and included the enlightenment. In a secret location, all books 100% cotton paper, India ink and leather bound. Not a lending library, more of an archive.
The year zero people are coming. You can count on that.
I am gonna need two grants. One for the building and books and the other for artifacts. Off the top of my head….a brass 12lb’er Napoleon as a centerpiece…an oversized brass compass, sextant, microscope, telescope, a custom made 3′ diameter globe held up by a bronze statue of atlas…a gun collection representing the evolution of firearms, various swords showing the evolution from spear to rapier….
What else? Any suggestions?
Marble statues….Classical Greek realism/idealism style. The graces, the fates, Athena, a lion,
Ok, I am going nuts and way over budget in less than a minute.
You need a mechanical chronograph to go with the compass and sextant. And a theodolite. In a different field I’d say a jacquard loom and a screw-cutting lathe.
Sounds similar to the Moties in a Mote in God’s Eye. They had cycles of collapse so often that they built huge bob proof museums that were intended to jumpstart their families return to civilization. You needed to understand higher math to open the doors.
bob proof? We shall make a more destructive bob!
lol-snort
“Women tend to be more social in the way that they approach giving, and they’re more collaborative,” Pasic says, citing research from the Women’s Philanthropy Institute.
Our research supports our prior assumptions. Another victory for the scientific method.
Women are not men when it suits the narrative, I guess.
At what point in a marriage does one finally admit to themselves that divorce is inevitable?
I am referring to this marriage: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constitution_of_the_United_States
we all knew it was coming but I never thought in my lifetime. It is like Hemingway’s bankruptcy I suppose
There is no way any national divorce would work. It would be war regardless.
Better to just start sending death squads for the commies before they get their murder machines geared up.
Inshallah, the Unites States of America will be joining its good friend the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics on the ashheap of history within the next decade.
I just hope I have moved out of MA by then; the only thing preventing MA from going full Khmer Rouge is that the government has to pretend they respect the Bill of Rights.
Ultimately, though, it will be a good thing for the saner polities in what is currently in the United States to unyoke themselves from the more insane ones.
Don’t bet on it. If Biden gets re-elected, the whole place could fall apart like wet cardboard without a shot fired.
There will be blood. The only questions are when, whose, and how much.
“…the government has to pretend they respect the Bill of Rights.”
Have you seen the news lately? I think that ship has left the station already.
You are ignoring how Franklin told us it would end. Not in divorce but in tyrannical misery.
JI: I was thinking De Tocqueville.
Uncivil: I have never lost a fight in my life. I dont intend to start now.
I know…everyone thinks they are bulletproof until they get shot.
I’d be happy sleeping in separate beds. Let California do the stupid things it does. Let Texas do the stupid things it does. No need to centralize everything in DC. Kind of like how the Constitution was intended.
If they can’t out cheat the spread this time, any chance Biden would have to override the election to “Save democracy”, and his clapping seals would agree that it’s obvious Trump is too dangerous?
That’s one way CWII could start, I suppose.
Jaime: I dont think they can abide sleeping in separate beds. They cannot allow people to not be under their boot. They are herd animals and the idea of individuals not being part of the herd is inconceivable to them. They never fuckin’ sleep. Every thought and action is to take away your ability to decide for yourself.
Suthen: I remain an optimist and hope they will come to their senses, but as it looks currently you are correct.
Totally unrelated topic… I will stop by after work to see if any of this ridiculously cheap and very accurate ammo is in stock.
https://palmettostatearmory.com/aac-5-56-nato-77-grain-otm-20rd-box-ammunition.html?
The divorce papers were filed in 1860.
Fortunately mom didn’t just stand by and let dad keep raping and selling the children.
What else? Any suggestions?
A steam engine and a McCormick reaper.
Yes. A Bessemer mill as well.
I dont remember the guy’s name…jeebus. Trane? The guy was standing on a train platform watching the engine release steam and eureka! the air conditioner was born.
Not quite how he did it, but you get points for style
“That’s the salsa,” he said with a spreading grin.
So, no lunch today.
Well, some people love
redhot wings…Too local news:
https://kval.com/news/local/young-bear-found-dead-near-eugene-highway-bear-remains-now-missing#
State police are trying to find who took dead bear roadkill. Because they weren’t allowed to do so. Christ on a crutch.
If they saw it why didn’t they get it? If it is missing how do they know there was a bear?
It was one of those furry kids we hear about, what fell asleep on the roadside after a long night partying.
Maybe it was Aubrey and Maturin sneaking through the countryside.
“Hey Bearfucker! Do you need of assistance?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qz1sXJsCWw
R.J., that was the plot of one of those CSI shows years ago. Someone hit a furry with their car outside a convention and thought it was an animal. Back then that was weird, now it’s a civil right.
I recall the episode. It wasn’t roadkill, it was a rifle shot at long range because the drunk furry was crawling around on all fours after being removed from a vehicle and was mistaken for a coyote in the dark.
Ah yes, the episode of CSI that introduced the furry subculture to the world. Thanks ever so much, Bruckheimer, you donkey’s asshole.
To be fair, though, the (many) depictions of BDSM in that show were less realistic than in outright porn. That takes work.
If they can’t out cheat the spread this time, any chance Biden would have to override the election to “Save democracy”, and his clapping seals would agree that it’s obvious Trump is too dangerous?
Meanwhile, every other day we hear about some Trump minion who won’t promise to unhesitatingly accept election results.
You know how it goes. The abusive partner projects everything on the victim.
State police are trying to find who took dead bear roadkill. Because they weren’t allowed to do so. Christ on a crutch.
Maybe they just couldn’t stand the thought of a good rug going to waste.
Aspire to greatness, America
“Building on the Biden-Harris Administration’s legislative accomplishments and executive actions in tackling the grid modernization challenge, the initiative aims to bring together states, federal entities, and power sector stakeholders to help drive grid adaptation quickly and cost-effectively to meet the challenges and opportunities that the power sector faces in the twenty-first century,” the White House said in a news release.
Earlier, White House national climate adviser Ali Zaidi called the new initiative “unprecedented” and said it will “drive grid adaptation quickly and cost-effectively.”
They have stated their intentions. All we have to do now is sit back and wait.
Shorter: “We are picking winners and losers, be sad to see your company go under so get onboard with it.”
Seeing how we have Bizarro President, everything he says will do the reverse. Prepare for cooking rats over a pile of burning twigs.
More gaslighting. Announce the phase out of fossil fuels and push EV’s. Critics for THREE YEARS say the grid can’t handle it. And now, when there’s no chance of any project getting started, announce a huge upgrade to the grid that has zero chance of happening.
If they were serious this would have been part of the plan from the beginning.
Would have been the first step in the whole process really. But hey, I am not that type of FedGov so what the hell do I know.
I dont know why they dont go with perpetual motion machines. Duh.
Serious about trying to influence the election?
“White House national climate adviser”
herpety derpety doo……
Poorly planned, politically motivated, rushed operation goes as expected.
I expected more deaths.
It’s still early. We may get our USS Maine/Gulf of Tonkin yet.
Or maybe a USS Liberty?
USS Liberty is too on the nose.
You didn’t go (((nose))) when you had the chance? What kind of antisemite are you?
Not enough of one to get me into Columbia.
They could just ground a pair of super tankers and build the pier between them.
Problem solved.
This is the kind of shit that tells me the party is over. Lunacy becomes normalized.
Trannies? Climate change? Fake wars? Cootie bugs? Mangling the language? Pedophiles?
Our govt has become nothing but thieves run amok and the populace morons that swallow whatever is shoveled at them.
Yay! I actually get to read and comment on Sugarfree’s post today while I have my healthy lunch of fish tacos!
…
*Leaves room
So Louisville police tried to withhold bodycam footage as long as possible and as soon as this is released, all charges dropped. Whoopsie, our bad.
Also the whole “If someone in uniform tells you to stop you stop” is how far we have fallen. Respect is earned, not given you fat fucks.
Never admit anything to an asshole like that.
What the hell’s this fool talking about? If “anyone” tries to stop you you need to stop? A yellow caution vest isn’t (necessarily) indicative of a cop…fuck you.
Fat fucks have a license to kill and qualified immunity. Enjoy pushing up daisies while your next of kin tries to stroke some cash out of the city’s insurance fund. The time to be self righteous is after the fact, not in the moment.
Safety first
Nissan is urging the owners of about 84,000 older vehicles to stop driving them because their Takata air bag inflators have an increased risk of exploding in a crash and hurling dangerous metal fragments.
Wednesday’s urgent request comes after one person in a Nissan was killed by an exploding front-passenger inflator, and as many as 58 people were injured since 2015.
“Due to the age of the vehicles equipped with defective Takata air bag inflators, there is an increased risk the inflator could explode during an air bag deployment, propelling sharp metal fragments which can cause serious injury or death,” Nissan said in a statement.
Nissan said the “do not drive” warning covers certain 2002 through 2006 Sentra small cars, as well as some 2002 through 2004 Pathfinder SUVs, and 2002 and 2003 Infiniti QX4 SUVs.
Thanks, Big Nanny.
Just cover the steering wheel with a wet towel when you drive. You’ll be fine.
Or, if you’re going to get shrapnel, go all in and make sure you’re not just maimed.
https://www.9news.com.au/national/us-news-stop-putting-rhinestones-on-your-steering-wheel-us-government-warns/516de960-c3ec-4be5-9d4e-84c0acad4c47
For Ron’s comment:
Dead and FABULOUS!
Pesky owners aren’t running out and buying the latest model! Quick, do something!
Put some duct tape on the steering wheel?
Sounds like the best option is to steal your own air bag and sell it.
I had to have the airbags in my Toyota of the same vintage (also Takatas) replaced under warranty years ago. The danger’s legit but the “do not drive” is just ass covering and is not an option for many people, especially the people left that are driving cars that old.
No recall on my vehicle.
But a couple of years ago I was trying to buy a used Titan that was sitting at the dealer waiting for the airbag replacement. After waiting for a month, I started looking at options and found a better deal somewhere else.
Gaming out the options . . . .
Fall 2024, the country elects a man convicted of a felony; assigned to house arrest in New York; and banned from speaking in public (as a condition of house arrest).
What happens in January 2025?
Alphabet brigades fortify the capital in anticipation of a seige – lose cohesion under constant barrage of microaggressions.
I dont get out much but every time I do it reminds me why I dont get out much.
Jeebus, all I have to do is watch 5 mins of the news and I draw the blinds and lock the doors. I keep a gun handy and just peek out of the blinds now and then.
Thar’s yer problem, bud.
Paranoia the destroyer…
https://youtu.be/wRpAANsoG8I?si=RJboss7PkLcGCIpT
Turn off the TV and go sit out on the backporch. The view will be immeasurably better.
Can confirm. 🙂👍
Less mosquitos inside tho’
That’s why God made electric fly swatters.
To swat electric flies?
I wonder how the greentards intend to cripple this? You know there is no fucking way they can allow this resource to be exploited.
The next iteration of NIMBY will emerge.
Muh groundwater!
JI: I was thinking De Tocqueville.
Sorry Suthenboy, he’s got you covered too:
He nailed it even better than Franklin.
The study noted that as decarbonization efforts across the U.S. grow more popular, the demand for lithium increases despite rising supply chain concerns.
He stole that base standing up.
CoffeeWithTheClassics
@CoffeewClassics
Today is G.K. Chesterton’s birthday, May 29, 1874.
Let’s get him trending today.
In this thread, I have collected 25 of his best-loved quotes.
Which is your favorite? Share it, tell me about it, or post your own.
https://twitter.com/CoffeewClassics/status/1795787952750051766
Good, good, let them be consolidated into large operations that we can control more easily!
Jurors must be unanimous to convict Trump, can disagree on underlying crimes
He must be guilty of something…
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/05/29/jurors-must-be-unanimous-convict-trump-can-disagree-underlying-crimes/