“If they want me to stay awake then they shouldn’t make the trial so boring,” Donald said to his hair. The hat chuckled in his jacket pocket, warm and squirmy like a malevolent guinea pig.
“Shh,” the hair said. “You don’t want to get another fine.”
“I can always find someone to pay a fine for me,” Donald grumbled.
The prosecutor strutted back and forth haranguing a defense witness. Donald had no idea who it was.
“Bored, bored, bored,” Donald said. “I want to be in the Bronx, campaigning, being with my people. They love me.”
“Imagine if you bought them all fried chicken,” the hat said from his pocket, his voice all folded and smashed and stuffed.
“Stop that,” the hair snapped.
“I love the Blacks,” Donald said as the judge yelled at a witness that made eye contact with him.
“Bragg is Black,” the hat said.
“Not the good kind,” Donald said. “Good Blacks understand persecution, they understand being a victim of an unfair system. Like me.”
“You could hand out packs of Kools at the next rally!” the hat said excitedly.
Donald smacked his chest on the hat’s side as the hair hissed like a wet cat.
“Do you have something to add to this witness’ testimony, Mr. Trump?” the judge asked, puffing his chest out.
“No, your honor,” Donald said.
“Weak and gay,” the hat said in the soft whisper of cloth on cloth.
“Gag order!” the judge said. “Gag order in the court! Gag! Gag on it!”
“Even gayer,” the hat whispered. Even the hair started laughing, quivering on Donald’s head.
“Why are you smiling, Mr. Trump?” the judge demanded. “Do you find this thick and turgid court somehow humorous?”
“Wow, oh, wow,” the hair said.
“Did he just say turgid?” the hat asked.
Donald struggled not to laugh, his teeth hurt from clenching his mouth shut.
“Thick and turgid,” the hair said.
“One thousand dollar fine!” the judge screeched. “I will not be mocked!”
“O-M-G,” the hat said. “Walk talked about this. Do it. DO IT!”
Donald pulled out a thick wad of hundos and tossed ten of them on the courtroom floor.
“Two thousand dollar fine!” the judge screamed, red-faced and sweating.
“Do it,” the hat urged. “Do it.”
Donald waited for the hair to chime in.
“Do whatever you two want,” the hair said. “I’m not the angel on your shoulder. Or head. Or hat-band.”
Twenty more hundos fluttered to the floor.
“Three thousand!” The judge’s artful spit-curl bounced.
“Ah, shit,” Donald said under his breath. He leaned to his his lawyer and asked, “I’m a little short, can I borrow some cash?”
“That’s how this whole thing got started!” Todd whispered urgently.
“I’ll pay you back,” Donald said.
“I just shit myself, I think,” the hat said through his sobs of laughter.
“Do you find this thick and turgid court somehow humorous?”
I’m picturing Roman Centurions trying to stifle laughter.
He hath a wife you know….
Twenty more hundos fluttered to the floor.
Donald makes it rain.
I love the depiction of the judge. And of Donald throwing the fine money on the floor.
In my experience, men who say “gag on it” are not well equipped enough to make that happen.
Damn…
In the Court of the Kangaroo King.
Where’s Mae West when you need her?
Yes!
Bravo – perfectly captures the raw character of the whole proceeding.
@GT
You were asking about Moto smartphones in the dedthread. I have a Moto G pure and other than battery life, I can’t recommend it. It’s slow and glitchy and some web pages regularly lock up the browser (thankfully not Glibs).
To be fair, I am terribly cheap and I’m pretty sure when I got this phone I just selected the cheapest option. Other Moto phones may perform better.
Thanks, ‘slinger!
GT,
If you’re open to buying a refurbished phone, I’ve had good luck with Back Market. Here’s my referral code to save $25: 5b2af64ea3b4f354
Thanks! I just have to make sure it works on Spectrum’s network.
I think most of the phones on Back Market are “unlocked” and can work with any network. I always buy unlocked and I’m currently with Spectrum (switched last year).
🙂👍
My GF has an older Moto that she likes to complain about. So, of course, when it went TU, she got the same phone again. 🙄
“Cuz it was free”
TANSTAFL!
I had a couple versions of the Moto G, most recently the G5, and liked them. I didn’t have the issues Gunslinger describes. The camera wasn’t as good as an iPhone, but that was fine by me. I just got the ThinkPhone a couple months ago and have been happy with it so far.
Now I’m wondering if there’s a market for a small form factor computer that runs *nix, and just connects to a SIP provider to provide simple phone service.
Well done.
Wait until Biggus Dickus heard about this, back in DC. he’ll really give Donald a gag order.
I find it more likely his wife, Incontinentia Buttocks, will gag him.
“as the judge yelled at a witness that made eye contact with him”
““Do you have something to add to this witness’ testimony, Mr. Trump?” the judge asked, puffing his chest out.”
“Donald struggled not to laugh, his teeth hurt from clenching his mouth shut.”
““Ah, shit,” Donald said under his breath. He leaned to his his lawyer and asked, “I’m a little short, can I borrow some cash?””
You can even see the bulge in his suit pocket where The Hat is hiding!
https://babylonbee.com/news/stormy-daniels-offers-hush-money-to-courtroom-sketch-artist-to-please-stop-drawing-her
That courtroom artist deserves a medal.
For sure. My jaw dropped when I first saw that drawing.
Yes, oh, yes. Updating.
Chef’s kiss.
https://babylonbee.com/news/stormy-daniels-offers-hush-money-to-courtroom-sketch-artist-to-please-stop-drawing-her
All I think of…
https://youtu.be/Pm1rif1fASk
I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JswFF2dKiLM
Answering Brooks question about Portland DA in the ded-thred. Apparently the uber progs don’t actually control the Dem vote.
https://www.reddit.com/r/PortlandOR/comments/1cxriau/portland_voters_still_dont_get_it/
One proggie beating a different proggie does not mean that proggies aren’t winning.
Vasquez is a former registered Rethuglican.
So was Bloomberg.
Shitty third baseman, shitty prosecutor.
I have a question about the new site design. I was looking into changes to how the Featured Image is rendered, a subject near and dear to my heart, and saw that the images seem to be originating from a WordPress server and not the Glibs server. For example, the link to UCS’ Breadboard image is:
https://i0.wp.com/www.glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Breadboard.jpg?resize=708%2C375&ssl=1
Are uploaded images now stored on a third party server?
Taking out the “i0.wp.com” still renders the image, click on this to see it:
https://www.glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Breadboard.jpg?resize=708%2C375&ssl=1
So I guess that images are still stored on the Glibs server.
Perhaps the “i0.wp.com” can be removed from the HTML generator so that WordPress doesn’t have a record of our browsing activity?
🤔
I’m not sure why it would behave that way.
I personally only uploaded it to Glibs before the site update.
Further investigation reveals that the “i0.wp.com” sourced image is returned as a WEBP while the glibs.com sourced image is returned as a JPG which I assume is the original format. So I guess that the sequence is events is this:
(1) My web browser requests the image from i0.wp.com.
(2) A WordPress server i0.wp.com requests the image from glibertarians.com, or (likely) uses a locally cached version if it’s been previously fetched.
(3) If the request is made glibertarians.com sends the image to i0.wp.com
(4) i0.wp.com does its mysterious and nonsensical Featured Image processing and…
(5) The processed image is sent to my web browser.
This may have been how Featured Image processing has always worked although I think the WEBP conversion is new. This means it’s likely that the WordPress outfit is amassing a collection of images. I’m not very happy about that.
My knowledge of the inner workings of the website is limited, but my understanding is that the Media Library and Archives are hosted separately from the current live content to save money.
I’ll tell WebDom you have questions. She doesn’t check the comments as regularly as some of us.
I have a vague memory of seeing i0.wp.com in URLs for images before the upgrade.
Using that other site has probably been there for a long time.
The 16:9 requirement for Featured Images seems to have gone away in the new design.
The images are resized and compressed upon upload. The compression is through Jetpack, which is a plugin owned by WordPress. We’ve used Jetpack image compression since the beginning of this website. It’s been running in the background since SP set it up in 2017 because she knew we wouldn’t be able to realistically expect every single image that the writers upload here to be a correct web image. We are on a budget; we cannot afford for a gigantic server plus unlimited bandwidth to host uncompressed images. Image compression is required so long as people who are not web experts are creating the content here.
Furthermore, the images are served from a Content Delivery Network (CDN) so we can provide a faster website and have less downtime, especially for those who access the website on mobile. We have used a CDN since the beginning. When we remove something here, it removes from the CDN. It’s like using Amazon S3 for media library hosting (not something we can afford). We could use Cloudflare, but Cloudflare is troublesome for users who use a VPN or don’t allow cookies, which we assume is most of our users.
The WEBP is a file format designed specifically for lossless image compression. It’s been around for over a decade. All browsers support it, but it’s heavily supported by Chrome, and Brave (which is built on the back of Chrome). And also Android. The fun thing about web design is designing for multiple devices, multiple screen sizes, and multiple browsers. None of them are created equally, and in order for images to be available to all users, every image has to be available as JPG or PNG and also WEBP as some browsers prioritise WEBP. While users who are on Firefox, Safari, or iPhone may see a WEBP image, it’s much more likely they’ll be served a JPG or PNG.
The only thing that changed for image and content compression is the upgraded infrastructure has more transparency in the code.
Here is how I would like this to go. NSFW but is a re-enactment of a real case.
https://youtu.be/QYCua_xzfD4
I remember that case.
Good times.
Start at 2:45 when it gets real crazy.
Almost choked on my lunch laughing at that line.
CNN at the gym this morning, apparently “Unified Reich” is the biggest news story of the day.
He just wants a corridor to East Prussia and Königsberg back.
If Germany ever gets a Meloni type, you can actually expect the return of Prussia to be on the table.
Huh? Is Meloni demanding that Istria be returned to Italy?
From Babylon to the pillars of Hercules, from From the Antonine Wall to the Cataracts of the Nile…
Dalmatia will be reclaimed from that Hapsburgs!
The Soviets ethnic cleansed the shit out of Konigsberg. And the Germans gave up claims years ago.
I’m headed to the store. Anyone need anything?
https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/161/768/797/playable/1d2e0edc9e49cbff.mp4
Fantastic SugarFree. I needed the laugh today.
Serious people doing serious things
Representative Jasmine Crockett is doubling down on her viral jab against far-right Representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene by beating the firebrand at her own game: Crockett filed a trademark on the phrase “bleach blonde bad-built butch body” and is producing a “Crockett Clapback Collection” featuring phrases the freshman lawmaker has said.
——-
In response to the trademark and merch launch by Crockett, Greene made the incredibly normal decision to publish a video of herself working out. “Yes my body is built and strong,” Greene wrote. “NOT with nips, tucks, plastic, or silicone, but through a healthy lifestyle.”
Leaning into white fragility, Greene appeared on Fox News to decry body shaming against herself while doubling down on body shaming others, griping to the outlet notorious for cookie-cutter bleach-blonde, Botoxed hosts, “I think no matter what shape, size, or how we look, we need to be ourselves, not telling women the only way to be attractive or accepted is to have fake boobs, fake hair, fake lashes, and injected faces.”
When did Congress turn into a giant insane asylum?
1860’s?
Drake for the win.
I like it. You have to get angry first before we get a change. Otherwise you just have go along, get alongs that tag onto Progressives. We need more anger. Maybe a cane beating, or some light fisticuffs.
Jello wrestling?
YES
I expect Full Moon Pictures will make a film where angry jello wrestling congresswomen somehow save the earth from an alien invasion. And I shall post that film.
“Leaning into white fragility, Greene appeared on Fox News to decry body shaming against herself while doubling down on body shaming others…”
Hey now, we’ll be the ones to decide who the victims are!
Also, “Leaning into white fragility” is the most year 2019 thing ever written. Apparently some people use these words with a straight face.
I don’t know why Brooks hates himself so much that he’s reading The New Republic.
It all boils down to “It’s OK when we do it” and that goes for both sides. Dumb bitches with the emotional maturity of middle school cheerleaders all the way around.
If MTG wasn’t white, her statement there would have been hailed as a brave stand for body acceptance.
Maybe none of these women graduated junior high.
Certainly none of them should have…
1789.
You have to ask?
There are a hundred quips about it going back to day one. My favorite ” You may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas.” – Davy Crockett
” ‘Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.’ – Sam Clemens
There are a zillion comments like that.
1860’s?
Yeah, that was a silly question. Congress has always been a home for the criminally insane. They just used to be less flamboyant.
Avatar checks out.
[Preston Brooks has entered the chat]
[Followed by Thaddeus Stevens]
“America has no native criminal class, except Congress”
– S. L. Clemens
Oops, I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby…
Boeing Starliner historic crewed launch delayed again indefinitely
https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/22/world/boeing-starliner-crewed-launch-delayed-indefinitely-scn/index.html
A door popping off is more significant in space.
It has been a rough year for the Boeing brand.
Time to bring back North American Aviation.
What the fuck? Over
To find Trump guilty of felony-level falsification of business documents, the jury must unanimously find that Trump falsified the documents in order to commit or conceal a separate crime. But the jurors do not all have to agree on what that separate crime was, Justice Juan Merchan ruled.
Trump’s defense argued that, to issue a felony-level conviction, all jurors should be required to agree on the “predicate” crime.
——-
Defense lawyer Emil Bove argued that jurors should have to agree on a single predicate offense. But prosecutor Matthew Colangelo said the law doesn’t require that.
“The importance of the case is not a basis for deviating from the standard application of the law,” Colangelo said. “There’s no reason to rewrite the law for this case.”
Merchan agreed with the prosecution and said he won’t impose the requirement the defense requested.
In other words: If some jurors believe that Trump falsified business documents solely to cover up a tax crime, while others believe that he falsified business documents solely to cover up an election crime, the jury can still convict Trump on the felony-level falsifying-documents charges, despite disagreeing on the predicate crimes.
He did something somebody didn’t like, and that’s good enough for government work.
The prosecution charged him with a felony without presenting a felony. In LA the first requirements for a criminal trial are : 1. There has to be a law against the act. 2. The defendant has to be charged with breaking that law. 3. Mens rea has to be established.
This court, in addition to shitting on attorney client privilege , as given none of that, have they? They have disposed of the most basic tenets of the court system. How is this happening right in front of our eyes?
Mens rea still exists? Since when?
The earlier NY trial demonstrated that under NY law, the prosecution doesn’t have to prove that a crime was committed, they can just declare it happened by fiat.
Omb is a felony, right?
So your “full self driving” Tesla has decided to play chicken at least once before at this exact crossing. So what do you do on a foggy day where you are supposed to be the one at control at all times?
Tesla in Full Self-Driving Mode Allegedly Tries to Drive Into Speeding Train
https://gizmodo.com/tesla-train-crash-fsd-autopilot-elon-musk-video-ohio-1851490746
This kind of unpredictable behavior is why I don’t like any of the driver assistance features of either my wife’s Acura or my Tesla. It’s more stressful than just driving.
“This kind of unpredictable behavior is why I don’t like any of the driver assistance features”
After 50 years it doesn’t seem to matter if I like it or not, I’m still going to get driver assistance, IYKWIM
My car has an exterior sensor that makes a jarring “honk-honk” sound when it perceives an object is perilously close while driving. (Spoiler: There never is.) It boggles my mind how some engineer thought a loud, startling sound would help a driver calmly steer clear of a dangerous situation.
I love the idea of random panic braking.
I didn’t know that you’d ever heard Random Panic Braking. They’re still unsigned.
One could be forgiven for erroneously believing Trump has been on trial for adultery for the past month.
And he has a small pee pee!
Tesla in Full Self-Driving Mode Allegedly Tries to Drive Into Speeding Train
I saw Mickey Rooney beat a train the crossing in a movie. If he can do it, your robot chauffeur should have no trouble.
Robots are just as capable of intense stupidity as we ugly bags of mostly water are, the robots are just more efficient at being retarded.
Congratulations gentlebeings, you have successfully created Artificial Stupidity. Just why you felt compelled to do so remains a mystery.
Tossing this in cuz I was just talking to a neighbor about it: Taking an economically feasible and abundant energy resource and changing its form inefficiently multiple times before utilizing it instead of just taking that abundant source – for which a large efficient infrastructure already exists – and utilizing it directly is fucking stupid…to the point of lunacy.