“This will go into the Permanent Record”
Most people will cringe when they hear that. Not me. Nor anyone in my family. In fact, most of us will demand it. The only quibbling will be who gets to make the entry in the Permanent Record and how the transgression will be worded.
Our family has a formal Permanent Record and I’m here to tell you how it came about and why you should create your own.
Before I can tell you more about the Permanent Record, I have to give you some family history.
Growing up in a family of card sharps
Since I was very little, I have been surrounded by family members who take cards very, very seriously. Pick any card game and someone in the family knew the rules and all the best strategies to win. Any time we visited a relative it wasn’t long before a deck of cards was pulled out and a game was started. Whether it was Hearts, Spades, 500 or some other game everyone played to win. It wasn’t long after that that arguments would break out about arcane rules or winning strategies.
All of these games were treated very seriously. As a young kid you were not allowed to make any mistakes. My father would regularly make my kids re-deal if they goofed up. He did this when they were 3 or 4 years old. Didn’t matter to him. He would call a misdeal and lecture them on the importance of dealing correctly with the admonishment, “someday you might be in a game where you could get stabbed if you try that.” Sadly, I don’t think he was talking about criminal back-room gamblers, he was talking about other family members.
My sister and I never became as fanatical about cards as my parents, grandparents and various aunts and uncles. Probably because we got sick of the post mortems that were started after every round. “Why did you throw the six of hearts? You knew there were still three hearts left!”. The honest answer was “I threw it because I’m six and I’m sick of playing cards tonight!” but we never had the guts to actually say that. Both my sister and myself became more than competent card players because of all these lectures but it severely dampened our enthusiasm for playing cards. We also had TV and the first rudimentary video game consoles to entertain ourselves.
I bring this up because my sister and I were the ones who invented possibly the best addition to playing cards with your family ever: The Permanent Record.
What is the Permanent Record?
The permanent record is a book that resides in your house and is used to record the scores of every card game played there. Not only the scores either. You also record notes from each game about who screwed up, who was accused of cheating and other important things for posterity.
The first step for the Permanent Record was when my mom had a particularly good round of a card game called Golf laminated. When we showed up for a visit she trotted out the laminated score sheet and crowed about her once in a lifetime game. Since Golf is pretty much a game you win on luck, we gave her a hard time about winning it.
Unfortunately that laminated score card has been lost to history. We’ve searched high and low, but haven’t found it.
The next step was when I managed to “shoot the moon” in Uno (another pure luck game) on a vacation we took. Shooting the Moon is a family rule that we like. If you manage to hit the upper limit exactly, you get to go back to zero points. I had been getting stomped in a game and managed hit 500 exactly so I went back to zero. I ended up winning, so I laminated that score sheet and would parade it by my mother every time she visited.
I shoot the moon and laminate the results.
The next step is a bit hazy, but either my sister or I decided that laminated cards were no basis for an important historical set of records. We decided to start writing down all the results of every card game played at my parent’s house in a small notebook. The date, who was playing and any special rules were recorded.
My mother loved the idea! When she visited any of our houses, she would bring along the notebook and the results of any card games played would be entered into it.
The first Permanent Record.
One Christmas I noticed the notebook was filling up. Rather than just start using another random notebook, I found a place that would custom emboss a ledger with “The Permanent Record: Volume 1” on it. I gave it to Mom for Christmas and it was a huge hit. When you talked about The Permanent Record, you could hear the capitalization. This was no cheap permanent record. The results of all the games was now definitely Official.
Check out how official these all look.
The Permanent Record goes Nuclear
In the beginning The Permanent Record just kept the scores of games with basic info. Then one day something miraculous happened: We started adding notes and explainers for each game.
The first recorded “game note”. One of the boys is accused of poor sportsmanship. The Scribe was his brother.
Any game that was played had all sorts of extra stuff added to the bottom of the page. A particular round might have an accusation of mis-dealing or some extra bone headed play by someone. Accusations of cheating were always a popular addition.
The job of Scribe has become an important role for any game. The Scribe gets to put their own spin on any controversy when recording it. They can also determine what merits an entry in the Permanent Record. Many accusations of chicanery have been lost to history because the Scribe felt that they didn’t rise to the level of Official Entry (mostly because they involved the Scribe).
The kids love going back through The Permanent Record and reading these notes and laughing themselves sick. Like any good law library, these notes are also used to support some advantageous reading of a rule that might apply to a current game.
The Permanent Record goes Viral
Our family loves The Permanent Record. Not only do we have the first one that my parents had, but I have bought more volumes (one for each kid). We are slowly working our way through them. The kids have already started bickering about how the inheritance of then will work.
For a long time the Permanent Record was limited to just our family. Then the kids started dating or bringing other friends home and introducing them to the concept.
Everyone exposed to The Permanent Record to goes home and creates their own family’s permanent record book. The Altar Boys have girlfriends (one of those girlfriends is now a wife) who all now have their own permanent records. Even the card sharp relatives have created their own Permanent Records.
The only disagreement now is which Permanent Record will be used to record a game. We have tacitly agreed that it is bad form to bring your own Permanent Record to a home that already has one.
It is a great way to preserve a lot of fun family lore. Even lore that some people would very much like to erase.
In Defense of Cards
One last note. I know I said that my sister and I weren’t big on cards, but I really have come around on the subject since we had kids. I am much more relaxed about the rules than was the case when I grew up. I also got my father to relent a bit. It makes things much nicer.
Cards are a great non-connected, non-electronic way to spent some family time together. My kids are still not good sports when it comes to cards. They are insufferable gloaters when they win, they are pouters when they lose (which is better than the crying and tantrums from when they were littler), and have become as strict as my father when it comes to misdeals and other faux pas. No matter, they are learning to accept the consequences of their actions and how the fates can screw them over.
It is also a great way to teach kids important math skills. My father taught me and I taught my kids how to play Casino. It is a great way to learn how to add numbers. It works so much better than flash cards. Nothing motivates a kid to find all the combinations of cards that add up to 8 like the possibility of having a sibling gloat when you miss one.
I’m not your boss, but you should get a permanent record of your own and then start playing cards with your family. Start with a common notebook. I’d bet money that by the time you fill it up, you will replace it with a real fancy book like I did.
Every First is permanent.
I literally have binders full of Firsts recorded going back to my birth.
I knew Fist of Etiquette. You, sir, are no Fist of Etiquette.
This is pretty interesting and fun. I am more of a board gamer, but there are still times at least with the in-laws in which they’d rather play a card game.
After probably a five year lull (due to the toddler to pre-school age of my kids at the time) board games are starting to hit the table again and more importantly the kids are able to participate.
Rr
Relatedly, my aunt keeps a notebook for thanksgiving dinner and it goes back to about 2000 or the mid 2000s. It has the menu, guest list and of course wacky antics and statements. Sadly, the notations are decreasing as the guest list has dwindled (due to deaths), but it’s still a treasured part of thanksgiving
Thanks. We played a lot of board games too.
We bought a Disney themed version of Sorry and the kids still call one of the pieces Turtle Man because every time I try get him home he gets chased down and captured. The kids think this is hilarious. (So does Mrs. Holiness who usually watches)
I hope your family keeps adding to the Turkey Book.
My inlaws were very big on Pinacle. They trained me and I found out I really liked the game. Card games are a fun way to pass the time and socialize.
There’s a tradition among some board gamers to write the date and name of the winner inside the lid of the box. There’s also a genre of games called legacy games, in which there are permanent additions to the board, new cards added, cards destroyed, etc. as the games are played among the same group of players.
You forgot to mention that cards are mostly a contact-free sport. Mostly.
Spoons comes to mind as the card game with the most injuries
We played double solitaire in college — definite a contact sport. Those decks of cards were not suitable for any other game after that.
Hearts. Or, as the English call it: Hunt the Cunt. This was my mothers family game, never for money, only posterity. And usually, as she had a monstrously large family, with two decks. You ever played Hearts? In short, every heart is a point, with the queen of spades being worth 13 points. You don’t want points, as they count against you. But, if you Shoot The Moon, ie get all of the points, then everyone else gets 26* points for that hand. Try it with two decks sometimes.
Oh, and my grandfather? Who had been banned from Las Vegas for card counting? Oh, yeah, it was ruthless. I only shot the moon once. But we walked away at the end of the night, not worrying about the Permanent Record.
*52 with two decks, and ain’t that a peach.
We played a LOT of Hearts as a kid. Everyone was always trying to Shoot the Moon. Never heard of two deck play though.
It works great when you have 10 or so people playing in one game. Try it, it really makes you think.
Don’t all blackjack players count (or attempt to count )cards? What, they ban you if you have a winning night?
I use a point system. Helps to simplify things when you’re drinking/drunk.
I don’t know exactly how he got banned (put in the Nevada Gaming Commision book) But I never heard of him playing blackjack.
The Bee gets it.
I’m genuinely afraid this really happened.
Nice article, Your Holiness. Thank you.
*scuffs toe of sneaker in the dirt*
*blushes*
*mumble thanks to Mrs. Caron my 3rd grade teacher for believing in me*
Thanks!
I enjoyed the your idea, I awarded my kids points on a sheet of paper on the refrig. Brush your teeth with out a reminder you earned a point, picked up your own clothes you earned a point. After a while, when my oldest was about 8, he asked “What can I get with my points?” I hadn’t figured that part out too well.
Cribbage was the game for my folks and their friends, pre TV. By the time we were 6-7 we knew the rules, how to count, strategy (a little) and we’re playing with them. When I was about 8 I got invited to be the 4th with 3 adults. From then on I played when needed. My folks would play, just by themselves. If there was a 3rd we played three handed. It really made grade school arithmetic fast and easy. Later we started playing Hearts. Gambling was never allowed at home, funsies only.
Pinochle was the game of choice in the Army. Occasionally at a remote microwave station we might have little poker but never more than penny ante. Hard to break the no gambling rule from home. TV was the ruination of the world!
Thanks for the trip along with the Jimbos
Euchre and Spades were the popular games when I was in the Marines. Didn’t know anyone who played poker for real money. Probably because we were always broke.
The other thing we learned was to never play with the Crispy Critters (the crash crew). All those guys ever did was sit out there in their trucks playing cards while waiting for a crash. They might not have been the brightest but repetition made them very good card players.
(216) update:
Parma Big Ass Burgers is pretty darn good. 7/10
——————nothing follows———————
I didn’t know you liked ass burgers.
He likes big asses. That has been established.
And he just can’t lie!
A classic
https://youtu.be/PdsVRegEJTA
He’s here isn’t he? I though we all had ass burgers or were otherwise on the spectrum?
I should have scrolled down…
That’s a first.
Assburgers syndrome is a bitch when you are trying to play a card game.
I love everything about this.
Thank you, Your Holiness.
Both sides of our family love games, cards and otherwise. I still have my copy of Clue Master Detective from the 80s.
The Permanent Record sounds fun.
I bought our Permanent Records at bookfactory.com. Ended up being about $30 a pop.
What special house UNO rules do you have?
We allow stacking of Draw 2’s and that is about it. My son’s in-laws also allow stacking of Wild Draw 4’s. They also allow trying to sluff a Wild Draw 4 even if you still have some of the current color. But you can be challenged and if caught have to draw 8 cards.
I haven’t played since… middle school?
Me neither.
Do fondly recall family gaming nights. Mostly it was Monopoly and Scrabble. With my German family it was gin rummy and euchre and Boggle. I sucked at Boggle lol.
Scrabble was also big on my mothers side.
Great idea Jimbo. My wife and I play Scrabble and we keep all the scorecards. No notes, though.
Wife threw the scrabble board at me for spelling ‘cleavage’. She started and it was my first word out of the gate. She hasn’t played with me since.
I tip my hat to you, doctor.
My wife would get pissed off if I played a two or three letter word or a military term.
But your word play shows you are a true man of genius Doktor. I would have given anything for my wife to refuse to play Scrabble with me.
We used to listen to an oldies (40s-50s-60s) radio station out of the Twin Cities and play cards on Saturday nights. Mille Borne, Hearts, Crazy Eights, and Uno. It kept me and my brother out of trouble. Mom would sometimes let us have a Fuzzy Navel.
Spoons and Garbage were the card games that my kids loved to play.
Ha, same. Or more than one.
My favorite game memories are playing with my two sisters and a friend from down the street – a virtual only child (much older half-siblings, I believe) who was an honorary fourth daughter – during summer vacation. Favorite card games were specialty decks – Authors, and for a wilder experience, Pit. Our friend had a VERY old edition of the game – from the illustrations on the box, it was from the 1920s or ’30s.
Jimbo, this is amazing! I love everything about it, especially Jon being ornery!
My in laws are card and Scrabble players and my MIL has a notebook for all the Scrabble games! Also, you are the first person I’ve ever met whose family played Golf.
My family isn’t into the card thing, but I’m thinking I should start some kind of Permanent Record.
Thanks for this one.
Golf is such a luck game! And because it relies so much on luck, my mother won all the time. She always would draw into insanely good hands. Totally frustrating playing against her.
To be honest, the Permanent Record started as an exercise mockery and snide comments. However, it has become a pretty treasured memory deal. Especially since my parents have passed on, it is fun to relive some of those old epic games by reading the notes.
Nice. Mom clearly had the inside edge.
I was better at these.
It doesn’t have to be a book. Check out this granny’s system
Oh man, Jon better look out!
This is all so wholesome it’s making me sick.
Where are the titty links when you need’em?
here you go
Hawt.
That is a cheep shot.
Keep squawking about it.
Of course you would call fowl.
Obligatory.
Tom Brady is nuking the roast specials he produces by publicly expressing regret for doing it, likely because his wife bitched up a storm behind the scenes:
The rich and powerful in this country aren’t just incompetent, they’re soft as shit, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIpT7ntRXl8&rco=1&ab_channel=FuckinFuck
Wife?
Ex-wife.
“Leave my kids out of it” doesn’t strike me as soft.
I haven’t watched the roast yet – someone ding his kids?
No, they insulted her. And she likely threw a tantrum over it and used the kids as an excuse for her own hurt feelings.
They didn’t insult her, IMO. They used her screwing her martial arts teacher to mock him.
My grandma from hell #1 taught me checkers and some form of rummy I don’t know the name of. Grandma from hell #2, my mom, my aunt, and I would play Pit. That was fun. Easy way to learn commodities. Dad, mom, brothers, and I would play Boggle. Mom, dad, and I would play Rack-O. Maybe Sorry. Dad and I would play Chinese checkers. I don’t do well with Scrabble type games and Monopoly is a minefield.
Anyway, I grew out of playing games. I’m a sore loser and winning doesn’t do anything for me.
I helped my kids to become ruthless capitalist pig dogs by playing “Rail Baron” with them. After a couple of introductory learning games, it was pure money grubbing mayhem. One time the wife joined as a fourth and we bankrupted her long before the properties were all sold. She never played again.
To this day my son is a huge board game fan. He has a closet full of them. One we play is a German one based on building Berlin’s new airport. Cronyism, backroom deals, and graft- it has it all.
That’s a great family story, Pontiff.
When I read the title I immediately heard it in this voice.
https://youtu.be/6M4_Ommfvv0?si=iYesDdicPd7N9RFc
Your song had YT recommend these two.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZeCEe0ZlHk
and
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmOhSElo_JI
But I agree this was a fun family story.
I wish this guy would speak to more college graduations.
https://www.thefp.com/p/to-the-class-of-2024-you-are-all-diseased
His words are needed to be heard by more young people.
Wrong – oh, so wrong.
But otherwise, good stuff.
Ascribing good intentions to malevolent actors might be the biggest fuckup of them all.
“Those gosh darned well-intentioned liberals and their wacky policy differences.”
Thus the premise for the big lie. It is so outrageous that it cant be a fabrication…or the evil deliberate.
it is deliberate. The Soviets did not call what they did, and the ones here are doing now, demoralization for no reason.
They absolutely are evil.
Good morning all!
Today’s musical selection is a reminder that in many ways there’s nothing new under the Sun.
Here’s Manfred Man with Lies Through the 80s
Share and enjoy!
Happy hump day!
😊🌄🐢
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ayuooyWPEUc
🎶🎶
Good morning, Sean, Beau, and Ted’S.!
https://www.cbsnews.com/philadelphia/news/i95-northbound-chester-delaware-county-police-activity/
#strongwomen
Am I a bad person for hoping the woman shot was Mrs. Jill?
“Making Nero Proud… Blinken Rocks Out In Kiev As Kharkiv Burns”
https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/zelensky-thanks-americans-billions-aid-pleads-more-patriot-systems
Yeah, probably not the greatest optics bro…at least try to act like you aren’t enjoying yourself too much (but let’s face it, if I was an honored guest of a nation with so many hot women who are financially insecure I’d probably be rocking out too, I just wouldn’t record myself doing it).
The whole situation is sickening. In order to launder stolen money into their own pockets our pols have been trying to paint that little fuck as noble. Democracy. Blah blah.
He is a slimy little tin-pot thug worse than Putin.
As soon as he is no longer of use to our pols he will hang. What an idiot.
My family used to do dealers choice poker games, just about every time we got together. Nowadays it’s mostly degenerated into Texas Hold ‘Em, which I don’t mind, but I’ve been a Stud Poker guy ever since I saw The Cincinnati Kid…
My nephew is particularly into card games (really games in general – he’s the up-and-coming chess wiz). A few years ago, I taught him the rules and basic strategy for Blackjack. Later that week, my sister-in-law called me and let me know that nephew had been caught trying to organize a Blackjack game among his mostly-Baptist home school study group. I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud in my life.
Bridge is a fantastic game. Pity I haven’t gotten to play in decades, and so probably need to relearn the pile o’conventions that go with it.
When it came to bridge, my Aunt Ruth was…ruthless.
Wait, does that mean your aunt was your Uncle Bob?
Cards and dice were always part of family gatherings. While not as permanent as the holiness, we used to piss off the shop chief in the Air Force when we’d record our Euchre and Hearts scores in the shift log book. I wish I would have kept those.
*twitches*