Confessions of a Middle Age Man in Lycra – It’s My Fault

by | Jun 6, 2024 | Sports | 62 comments

According to the official Randonneur website, “Randonneuring is long-distance unsupported endurance cycling. This style of riding is non-competitive in nature, and self-sufficiency is paramount.”  The local randonneur club organizes rides of 200, 300, 400 and 600 km.  Today’s ride was the Faultline 200 starting in San Francisco, circuitously making its way north to the town of Tomales and making a beeline south along the San Andreas Fault.  

True to its non-competitive nature, there was no dick measuring at the start that one sees at the more competitive events.  Randonneurs seem to be a mix of autists, introverts and oddballs, which I suppose you would have to be in order to be willing to ride these kinds of distances unsupported.  

We started at 7 AM sharp and headed across the Golden Gate Bridge.  Once across the bridge we turned left up the hill that yielded those iconic views of the bridge and the San Francisco skyline as the backdrop.  Nice view, but I’ve seen it a million times before.  Gotta keep moving. We went down the hill out to the ocean at Rodeo Beach for the first checkpoint.

Rodeo Beach

 

In order to get credit for the ride you can submit the GPS recording of the ride or you can fill out your “Brevet Card”.  In some events you will get a stamp in your card, but for events where the checkpoints aren’t manned you have to fill out the card with a detail about the checkpoint.  Things like “How many picnic benches are there?” or “What’s the phone number of the porta potty company?”  It’s easier to just submit the GPS track, but I fill out my brevet card as insurance.

From Rodeo Beach we head away from the ocean and through a one lane tunnel that cuts out some steep climbs.  When I was a teenager it was illegal to ride a bike through this tunnel.  It was dark and damp and you might not have enough time to get through before traffic changed direction.  And it’s uphill depending on the direction.  But because we didn’t want to climb the hills we would go through the tunnel anyway.  Most of us made it out ok.  Nowadays the tunnel is well lit with bike lanes on each side, but it’s still a bit of a butt-clencher when cars are coming head on.

After riding through the Sausalito waterfront we wound our way to China Camp State Park. China Camp was home to Chinese fishing villages starting in the 19th century.  It was later used as a stand-in for a Chinese village in the movie Blood Alley starring John Wayne.

Leaving China Camp we made our way up to Lucas Valley Road, home of Skywalker Ranch, though I didn’t see any Ewoks lurking in the trees, gay, female or otherwise.  Apparently Kathleen Kennedy hasn’t had an impact here yet.  We then went through the small town of Nicasio which was the filming location for The Village of the Damned, one of Mark Hamill’s better known films.

Nicasio

After Nicasio the trees disappeared exposing us to a raging, soul-sucking headwind that would be with us until the turnaround point.  After much meandering through the countryside, we headed up the Marshall Wall, which I recognized from a ride on my indoor trainer, but the trainer doesn’t simulate the wind, nor does it simulate having 100 km in your legs already, both of which made a steep climb feel steeper.  At the top we got our first views of Tomales Bay, under which the San Andreas Fault runs.

Atop the Wall on the North American Plate looking across to the Pacific Plate.

At the bottom of the hill we made a right turn toward Tomales, our turnaround point 7 miles further north against the wind.  I consoled myself with the knowledge that the wind would be at my back the rest of the way after the turnaround.  At Tomales I didn’t find any tamales, but I did buy a sugary coffee drink and a Jimmy Dean sausage sandwich.  The sudden influx of carbs and coffee did not play well with my stomach.  One might think that the extra jet propulsion from flatulence would help, but in reality, it was just uncomfortable, loud and smelly, not unlike an hour with Winston’s mom.

With the tailwind the riding was much easier as the route hugged the coast of Tomales Bay past many seafood restaurants that look to be worth a visit another time.  Soon I rolled into Point Reyes Station for another coffee and a pastry and a short rest.  Right around Olema I passed the 100 mile mark of the ride.  Olema is an interesting place to visit as you can see a fence that shifted about 20 feet in the 1906 earthquake.  A reminder that Mother Nature is one mean, powerful, awesome bitch.  

How would a Glib resolve the property line when it has shifted by several feet in the blink of an eye?

Out of Olema there was a few hundred feet of climbing before a nice downhill toward Stinson Beach.  At the general store I got some salty chips and a sugary drink to gird my loins for the biggest climb of the day up the Panoramic Highway.  On a clear day the views from the Panoramic Highway are spectacular.  I suppose they were this day too, but I was too busy looking at the road ahead trying to stay upright.  I took a couple breaks along the way to rest my weary legs.  At some points of the climb my bike computer would autopause, which it does when I stop moving, except I was still going forward.  The computer seems to have trouble detecting motion on hairpin turns amongst the redwoods, but then again maybe it was just mocking me.  “Speed up, loser!”

View from the Panoramic Highway if I had bothered to look.

Over the top the worst was behind me.  Time for a long descent into Mill Valley.  Though I was tired I needed to maintain concentration in order to not drift into oncoming traffic or off the side of the windy road.  At the bottom of the hill, I passed Tamalpais High School which claims Tupac Shakur as an alum, so I must have been deep in the hood on the mean streets of Marin County.  Best to keep moving lest Biff and Muffy speak an unkind word from their Tesla in a verbal drive-by.

On the road back through Sausalito my thighs started cramping.  Come on legs, only a few more miles to go.  Just keep pedaling and maybe the cramps will pass.  Lo and behold they did.  Nevertheless, I downed a gel for the calories and sodium before starting up the last climb to the bridge.  Once on the bridge I knew I could practically coast the rest of the way or even walk if I had to.  Normally riding across the bridge in the afternoon is not very pleasant.  There are hoople-heads on rented electric bikes stopping randomly for pictures and blocking the path, and Tour de France wannabes racing past.  But as it was late on a Sunday afternoon all I had to contend with was the raging crosswind that kept trying to grab my front wheel.

End of the road

I rolled into the finish just behind three other riders for the customary post ride picnic.  Grilled cheese sandwiches and chili were on the menu.  Given my earlier gastrointestinal issues I figured it was best to skip the chili.  I opted for the sandwich but didn’t stick around long as it was cold and windy like a San Francisco summer.

When all was said and done, I rode about 130 miles and climbed about 9900 feet, both personal bests.  If you think that’s crazy, some riders started a 600 km ride the previous morning in a pissing rainstorm, and one was still out on the course trying to beat the 40-hour time limit.  Will I take on some of those longer rides?  300 km, maybe, but longer than that I doubt.  If I do try something longer, and I end up sniveling and whining about it, it will have been all my fault.

About The Author

JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

Am I being detained?

62 Comments

  1. Suthenboy

    As for property lines I imagine the same laws governing line movements with the meandering of streams, shorelines etc would cover the shenanigans of earthquakes.

  2. Nephilium

    /feels shame about the bikes sitting in the garage that haven’t been taken out this year

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Me too.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve got several excuses, but they’re excuses. I haven’t even gone out to the garage to lube them up or inflate the tires.

    • R.J.

      I have four bikes! Let’s put them together and make a sculpture.

      • Nephilium

        If I ever decide to part with my bikes, I will likely give them to the guy across the street from me who picks up broken bikes from around the neighborhood (and has a number for people to call for a pick up), and I believe picks up cheap ones at garage sales. He then spends his time (or money, never asked) to fix them up, and then puts them on his tree lawn (with a sign saying free for kids) usually twice a year. I don’t recall him ever missing a near Christmas one, and he usually does it for spring or the start of school.

  3. Sean

    Nope.

  4. ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

    If I still rode, randonneuring would be for me, as I don’t have a competitive bone in my body, other than beating myself. I do love that part of the world, and if the wife still worked at Cal, we would be living there. Bodega Bay calls us still.

    Excellent reporting, as usual, Jaime.

    • creech

      Ah, Bodega Bay. Lovely scenery. I stayed there one night; I recall the motel/inn was owned by a Libertarian couple.

    • EvilSheldon

      This does indeed seem like a fun time. I dig the poker rally aesthetic of the brevet journal.

      • Nephilium

        It reminded me of the method the Barkley Marathon uses, where each runner is assigned a number, and they have to tear that page out of a book along the route. I would most likely have issues tearing out pages from a book.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        The LA Tourist Race sounds like the Barkley Marathon. They his books in the San Gabriel Mountains and give you the coordinates. You make your own route to find them. That might be a future submission.

    • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

      JHTFC, I put up a Tee-ball for you guys, and there isn’t even a swing at it!

      • WTF

        You don’t need to keep beating yourself, Winston’s mom is available.

      • juris imprudent

        Apparently he wanted some of us to do so, NTTAWTT and no kink shaming.

  5. juris imprudent

    autists, introverts and oddballs

    My people!

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Mine too.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Pretty pictures. I’d consider doing it in a convertible.

    • Suthenboy

      Once upon a million years ago I had a del Sol.

      *Sigh*

      A redheaded beauty named Roblynn would often accompany me on country drives this time of year.
      Funny how when you are young you dont realize at the time how wonderful some of your experiences are. What I wouldn’t give to go back and drive that girl around on a warm, breezy day looking at blue skies and the bright, light green of new leaves….sun sparkling on the ripples of the lake.

      Thank you Brooks for conjuring that up in my head with only three words.

  7. Gustave Lytton

    Carried over to ded thred. How about the usual restrictions on people living with Trump? His SS detail better be disarmed or he might grab a gun just like he tried to grab the wheel on Jan 6.

    • Suthenboy

      Working in a mental hospital I became accustomed to hearing people tell absurdly ridiculous lies very earnestly with the expectation of being believed.
      I find the gibberish of the TDS sufferers indistinguishable from that of the clinically insane.

  8. ron73440

    Will I take on some of those longer rides? 300 km, maybe, but longer than that I doubt.

    Not nearly the same level, but in the Marines we usually ran 3 times a week and I would run 6 miles every Saturday on my own.

    I really enjoyed the 6 mile runs, so I figured I would try 10 miles.

    Did it once and never again.

    6 miles is fun, 10 is torture.

    • Gustave Lytton

      No 13.5 sticker on the back of the ole Ram?

      • ron73440

        No 13.5 sticker on the back of the ole Ram?

        No.

    • R.J.

      I agree with that. Jabba R.J. can maybe handle 6 miles. I salute you, JaimeRoberto!

      • Fourscore

        Back in the day my go-to was 6 M, 10K, 3-4 times a week. Now I’m glad I did all those miles and happy now that I don’t have to do them.

        I’ll just read about the rides y’all are making, I get tired out from that. Thanks for wearing me out.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    6 miles is fun, 10 is torture.

    YMMV

  10. The Late P Brooks

    I won’t torment you with a link, but Vox has a bunch of hysterical shrieking about AI up. Employees are so terrified of the horrific yet largely indescribable threat posed by AI that they demand the right to anonymously warn us bitch about it.

    I bailed about a third of the way through the steaming pile of terrified bleating.

    • kinnath

      Facebook is being flooded with AI images as click bait to who knows where. Youtube is being overrun by AI generated videos as well.

      So, no need for shlock writers to create new clickbait.

      • Nephilium

        Google news and search is also getting overrun with AI articles/clickbait.

      • Gustave Lytton

        The bots click the clickbait and the AI circle jerk will be complete.

      • Fourscore

        Technology is both a boon and a bane.

        Photoshop is finished

      • juris imprudent

        The bots click the clickbait and the AI circle jerk will be complete.

        This is not the Singularity I was expecting.

      • Nephilium

        juris imprudent:

        Do you want killbots? Training AILLM’s on clickbait is how you get killbots.

      • juris imprudent

        Thermonator dog bot already scares the shit out of me.

  11. mikey

    JR. Much envy. I grew in the East Bay in the 50’sand60’s. Before there were mountain bikes and right at the beginning of popular, serious cycling (I bought the second “10 speed ” I had ever seen .
    I recognize the route but was never able the cycle any of it. The north headlands were all closed to past Rodeo beach.
    I took that same picture of Stinson Beach – on the day i proposed to my wife there.
    Back in the day I oould have made the ride – today NFW.
    Thanks for the memories.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Facebook is being flooded with AI images as click bait to who knows where. Youtube is being overrun by AI generated videos as well.

    The internet is collapsing under its own weight?

    *dabs single tear*

    • kinnath

      It was useful for a long time.

      Until it wasn’t. Which is a shame.

      • Fourscore

        Are we back to writing in cursive yet? I still have some leftover stamps to use.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of youtube- it’s almost as if they are actively trying to drive me off. It might just work.

    • R.J.

      Same with Vimeo. Very annoying. My life might actually improve immeasurably when they do, I will stop staring at videos and do something productive.

      • Sean

        and do something productive.

        Let’s not get crazy here.

      • Nephilium

        There’s a reason I’ve got a nice full Plex library now. I do sigh every time I see the girlfriend watching something we have on the server already on an ad supported service.

      • juris imprudent

        Let’s not get crazy here.

        He lives in Dallas, he won’t.

      • R.J.

        I promise I won’t do anything crazy or productive. How’s that?

  14. ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

    From the AM thread:
    “You are getting the non-prog perspective, and we here have the tendency to believe that the progs really run the whole show. In numbers, they aren’t all that much more than libertarian-leaning conservatives – they’re just so fucking loud.” -Juris

    The article you yourself linked shows that this isn’t the case, and we can point to dozens of different things that are happening right now that show this is clearly not the case. If mainstream Dems ruled the party right now, Mayorkas would get canned, Garland would be reined in over the actions of the FBI, etc. But, and here is the rub, the Progressive wing controls the base of the political class as they control the education sources they all come from. And it doesn’t take a whole lot of people to control when you hold the levers of power. They might not have all that much elected power, but they do control the behind the scenes action. And, no, the libertarian wing doesn’t control anything, as we piss away any chances of holding positions such as those in favor of an ass-clown for a Presential candidate. They, on the other hand, use whatever power they have vis-a-vis vote getting to move into positions such as those mentioned.

    Also, from your other comment, yes, I know that socialism is a possible end-point of the enlightenment. In fact, socialism is the base form of society: the nuclear family. But, and here is the rub, it works less and less the further you get from that starting point. The problem comes from confusing what works in one situation as something that works in all situations.

    • juris imprudent

      Dems are always in a fight between the outer wing and the inner/establishment party; the crushing of Sanders in ’20 was all about that, and that was how Biden ascended (avoiding the mistake the Repubs made in ’16). Gosh, so are the Repubs – except they also have Trump to contend with and his populist/90s-Dem branch.

      Re: socialism – I have a piece coming up on Schumpeter that speaks to this, so I’ll defer until then.

    • juris imprudent

      I made a comment over at Racket, that Taibbi responded to – and whereas I had pointed to the Clinton special investigation and Gingrich and co’s determination to find a charge that would stick; his response was similar to what you are saying – the difference then was that was only a partisan pissing contest; undermining Trump in ’20 was a product of both deep state and DNC. That is indeed a big difference.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Photoshop is finished

    It was suicide.

    • creech

      35 felonies, 4 hr spree? Didn’t some guy recently run up 34 felonies just by signing a few checks at his desk?

      • Sean

        These were real felonies, with victims and everything!

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Dems are always in a fight between the outer wing and the inner/establishment party; the crushing of Sanders in ’20 was all about that, and that was how Biden ascended

    And then he pulled off his mask and out-Bernied Bernie. Green New Deal, spending beyond anything previously imagined, abdicating control of the border, voiding debt…

    • juris imprudent

      I’m getting a Network vibe about the Dem Convention in Chicago.

  17. Raven Nation

    Holy Mother of God: the USA just beat Pakistan in the Cricket World Cup.

    And, yes, snark away people but this is huge.

    • UnCivilServant

      Is the US Cricket team made up of guys from India?

      • R.J.

        Ha! That was my first thought.

      • Nephilium

        The H1-B’s, are a long standing tradition here in ‘merica!