Saturday Morning The Horror Links

by | Jun 15, 2024 | Daily Links | 103 comments

So just to make last weekend perfect, besides destroying my car, I also lost my water heater. Spectacularly. $2000 later, I have a new one, and after a several day delay, I finally got a rental car. Which is actually a pickup truck. Bright red. I’m wearing a flannel shirt and trucker hat no matter how hot it is outside. The irony merits small sacrifices. Drove it to Rochester last night for a date with yet another NPR Lady, who (to her credit) was appropriately amused.

Of course, the most ironic way to spend a morning is reading Links and marveling at the retardation surrounding us, but first we note a few birthdays, including a First Lady who set an example that more of them should follow; a romantic guy who pined for the fjords; another guy who wrote tunes that we all recognize but we have no idea who composed them; Christ, what an asshole; the best midget to ever come out of Pittsburgh; my favorite jazz pianist, whose death would make a great detective story; proof that a Mafia background will keep you out of the White House; everyone’s favorite outlaw; the black face of white supremacy yadda yadda yadda; a guy who knew what I meant; the brother who wasn’t funny; the one who didn’t know economics; a guy with a hole in his hand; and SP’s favorite pitcher.

Now the retardation begins… with some Links.

With lists like this, I’m expecting maybe 1/20 to be valid. Surprisingly, despite a few quibbles, this one might hit 90%.

Why does this remind me of an old Simpsons bit with Kang and Kodos?

I would LOVE to see the redacted parts.

This should end any question of cease-fire talks. Israel needs to tell the EU and US to fuck right off.

I clearly need to do more grocery shopping.

This horrifies me. And has started a lot of arguments with my computer-modeling colleagues.

Definition of “crisis”: People are buying what they want, not what we want.

Despite a technical issue about 2/3 of the way through and a rather long introduction, this is some amazing music from an amazing composer and an amazing band. Old Guy loves Dizzy and is in absolute awe of Monk.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

103 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    Definition of “crisis”: People are buying what they want, not what we want.

    Should I shill?

    • Gender Traitor

      Wow! I just noticed that your Glib screen name is a handy and VERY interesting link! 😁

      • UnCivilServant

        🤔

        It’s as if I’d done that on purpose once upon a time.

  2. Gender Traitor

    Lucas was so surprised that she freaked out a bit on social media and then headed off to Paris.

    I’m sure she’s now homeless and begging for her daily baguette on the Champs-Elysees. 🙄

    I have about as much sympathy for Big Publishing as I do for the big record companies. 😒

    • UnCivilServant

      I am reminded of an article some years back where a French “author” was bitching about how the French didn’t want to buy the work he shat out and instead were buying translations of foreign works. He was calling for restrictions on imports and more subsidies for himself.

      • Gender Traitor

        Next step: Demand that his books be added to the required curriculum in schools – secondary and collegiate – across the EU. (I’m sure he’d require it worldwide if he could.)

  3. Suthenboy

    I was just complaining last night about the dearth of people in my life that value intellectual pursuit.
    Mind you, I was not complaining that those people choose to indulge in inanity, just my lack of association with those that do not.

    Are we going back to books being hand made on commission?

    • Gender Traitor

      The published writers here can speak to this far better than I can, but their books certainly don’t need to be hand-made. As they said about the Six Million Dollar Man, “We have the technology.”

  4. The Gunslinger

    – “He was caught on camera doing some sexual acts and it was an excessive amount of times,” Bryant said. “I want to believe at least nine times that was caught on camera”

    You got that coppers? You can do the horizontal bop up to 8 times in one location but then just end it. No need to get excessive.

    • Nephilium

      “Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon… you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices grocery stores, and I tell you, people do that all the time.”

    • R C Dean

      I would have thought once was excessive.

    • DEG

      I should have read the comments before commenting.

    • Suthenboy

      meh, the guy was going by to see his gf everyday for a nooner. I imagine the ‘caught on camera’ part was the problem.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      The upside is that the more time he spends screwing a particular member of the public the less time he has to screw the public in general.

      One question though: Does Morgan Fairchild work at Kroger now?

  5. juris imprudent

    the rare commercial author who is also a writer

    *bzzzzt* I didn’t need to read one word farther.

    • UnCivilServant

      What, are they accusing all commercial authors of using ghostwriters instead of doing our own work?

      • The Hyperbole

        It was a description of Stephen King.

    • R C Dean

      I always thought a writer was anyone who writes books or, I suppose, articles or essays. Authors are writers who get published.

  6. cavalier973

    Sex acts at Kroger are fine, as long as you don’t take it too far.

  7. Sean

    I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t put a set of truck nuts on that rental.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m disappointed that you remember those things exist

      • Sean

        You’d be amazed and appalled by the things floating around my brain.

      • UnCivilServant

        Not with the collection of nightmarish things I recall.

    • Tres Cool

      A lot of rental pickups don’t have a receiver. Its almost as if they don’t want you towing shit.

  8. juris imprudent

    Wrongthinker! Burn the heretic (also a great European tradition).

    I would submit it applies to NATO even more than the EU.

  9. cavalier973

    Rachel Jackson was married at first to Lewis Robards in Nashville. In about 1791, she eloped with Andrew Jackson, believing that Robards had secured the couple a divorce. It was later revealed that he had not, meaning that her marriage to Jackson was inadvertently bigamous. They were forced to remarry in 1794 after the divorce had been finalized.

    She was a handsome woman.

  10. Q Continuum

    “date with yet another NPR Lady”

    What happened to Tomb Raider? Or have you gone poly?

    • slumbrew

      They had a conscious uncoupling

      • The Gunslinger

        Conscious uncoupling.
        Except for an occasional “concert” now and then.

    • Old Man With Candy

      That ended some weeks back. Still the occasional booty call because once you’ve had the Old Man, there’s no going back.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Several CEOs “said that [Trump] was remarkably meandering, could not keep a straight thought [and] was all over the map,” CNBC’s Andrew Ross Sorkin reported Friday on CNBC’s “Squawk Box.”

    Game over, man.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Meeting attendees and people who spoke with them were granted anonymity in order to speak freely about the private event.

    Of course they were, MSNBC Business Channel. And then they all drank shots of lavender Clorox.

  13. DEG

    besides destroying my car, I also lost my water heater.

    Sorry.

    “Trump doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” said one CEO who was in the room, according to a person who heard the executive speaking. The CEO also said Trump did not explain how he planned to accomplish any of his policy proposals, that person said.

    Several CEOs “said that [Trump] was remarkably meandering, could not keep a straight thought [and] was all over the map,” CNBC’s Andrew Ross Sorkin reported Friday on CNBC’s “Squawk Box.”

    He’s always been like that. He’s never been as bad as Biden, but he’s always rambled a bit and doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does.

    It’s like saying the Sun rises in the East.

    “He was caught on camera doing some sexual acts and it was an excessive amount of times,” Bryant said. “I want to believe at least nine times that was caught on camera, and when that was brought to the inspector general’s attention regarding an investigation, they in turn contacted us.”

    “Excessive”? So if he had only banged the badge bunny eight times it would have been OK?

    Here, the creation of synthetic data, which mirrors the statistical features of the real-world data, offers a solution. ‘You’re not taking a whole dataset and just masking it,’ explains Benjamin Jacobsen, a sociologist at the University of York in the UK, whose work focuses partly on the use of synthetic data. ‘The promise of synthetic data is that you can train a model to understand the overall distribution of the particular dataset.’

    Huh. Sounds like “my model proves that my model is right.”

    • Nephilium

      Huh. Sounds like “my model proves that my model is right.”

      Yeah. I can see using synthetic data for testing a model/system, but I wouldn’t expect that to be any more than an approximation of real world results.

  14. Grumbletarian

    I happen to like my bright red pickup truck.

    • juris imprudent

      We refer to ours as BART – Big Ass Red Truck.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Sincere compassion

    Nancy Pelosi recently appeared on MSNBC where she called former President Donald Trump a “thug” and called on his family and the Republican Party to stage an intervention.

    In the interview, Pelosi, the former Speaker of the House, criticized Trump for his leadership style and for transforming the Republican Party into what she described as a “cult”.

    “So if we are going to do psychoanalysis of him I think we have to have him in person in front of some healthcare professionals. But I do wish there would be an intervention from his family, assuming they loved him, that they would intervene, that the Republican party would have an intervention, they have become a cult to a thug. And that is really a tragedy for the Grand Old Party and what they were,” stated Pelosi.

    The comments reflect Pelosi’s critical stance towards the behaviors and actions of Trump, the 45th President of the United States and presumptive GOP presidential nominee, and echo those she has made previously.

    Nancy only wants the best for him. She’s a saint.

    • Tres Cool

      Whatever happened to the dude that bashed her husband’s head in ?

    • Suthenboy

      I see a lot of lefties these days fantasizing about struggle sessions.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’m not crazy, YOU’RE crazy.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Shithole

    Weeks before Milwaukee is set to host the 2024 Republican National Convention, new billboards are turning heads across the city.

    According to our Milwaukee affiliate, the billboards display the comment former president Donald Trump reportedly made on Thursday during a closed-door meeting with House Republicans, in which he called Milwaukee a “horrible city.”

    Former President Donald Trump reportedly called Milwaukee a “horrible city” during a meeting with Republican lawmakers. The comment on Thursday drew disagreements from those who were there about what Trump meant when referring to the heavily Democratic city that will host the Republican National Convention next month. Trump made the comments during a meeting with members of Congress as part of a visit to Capitol Hill, his first since leaving office. Trump spokesperson Steven Cheung posted on X that Trump “was talking about how terrible crime and voter fraud are.” President Joe Biden’s campaign said, “If Donald Trump thinks Milwaukee is so horrible, then he shouldn’t come to our city.”

    Republicans present at the meeting said Trump was referring to the city’s crime rate.

    The billboards were funded by the Democratic National Convention committee.

    I’m sure the good people of Milwaukee will prove him wrong.

    • rhywun

      Dems Making Shit Up Vol. XXIII

  17. The Late P Brooks

    Stepping up

    It’s Vice President Kamala Harris, not President Joe Biden, who joined world leaders Saturday in Switzerland for a summit on Ukraine and planned to meet with Ukraine’s Volodymyr Zelenskyy to discuss his country’s vision for ending the war launched by Russia.

    As she arrived at a resort overlooking Lake Lucerne, Harris announced $1.5 billion more in U.S. assistance for Ukrainians through the State Department and the U.S. Agency for International Development. That includes money for energy assistance, repairing damaged energy infrastructure, helping refugees and strengthening civilian security.

    Biden on Friday wrapped up three days at the Group of Seven summit in Italy, where he held talks with Zelenskyy, and then flew straight to Los Angeles for a Saturday night fundraiser with Hollywood A-listers George Clooney and Julia Roberts.

    Ukraine urgently needs windmills.

  18. Tres Cool

    Marta the shepherd has a much overdo appointment at the vet today for her routine exam. Generally, she’s a quivering, hairy, wad of anxiety.
    Currently she’s full of trazadone, gabapentin, and benadryl. Poor doge is higher than bird pussy.

    • Common Tater

      I’d figure she’s be sound asleep.

    • Timeloose

      We are picking up our new puppy today. Little Waffles will be home this afternoon.

      • Tres Cool

        Good luck to you. Since Ive been through 3 in the past 24 months (technically I guess they’re still puppies), be prepared to have a toddler in your house.

      • Gender Traitor

        Happy puppy! What breed or combination thereof?

      • Timeloose

        Yellow lab pit mix.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I may have to come down there for a visit…

      • Timeloose

        You’re welcome anytime. I have a NPR lady you can meet.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Huh. I’m *also* on gabapentin and trazadone. ‘Spose I could pick up some benadryl…

      I’ll get high soon, but I doubt I’ll be soon a-knockin’ on any bird’s cloaca.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    “She brings three things to the ticket that Biden doesn’t have: relative youth, she’s a woman and she’s a person of color,” said Bennett, now executive vice president at the left-leaning Washington think tank Third Way. “But what’s even more important, she’s getting back to the thing that vaulted her into national prominence: her really substantial ability to prosecute the case against Trump.”

    Yup. What else could one possibly want?

    • Suthenboy

      “she’s getting back to the thing that vaulted her into national prominence: ______”
      I read that far and reflexively thought ‘blowjobs’.

    • The Other Kevin

      Love that list. Absolutely zero reasons why she’d do a good job.

    • Not Adahn

      In reality, the Merchant Prince is much more involved with things than King George.

      ToonTown is an interesting place.

  20. Common Tater

    “Who is Bill Belichick’s new girlfriend Jordon Hudson? All you need to know after Patriots legend, 72, was spotted with cheerleader 48 years his junior”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/nfl/article-13532827/bill-belichick-girlfriend-jordon-hudson.html

    “Billy Ray Cyrus, 62, requests temporary restraining order as he accuses estranged wife Firerose, 35, of overcharging nearly $100K on his credit card… amid messy divorce after seven-month marriage”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-13532463/Billy-Ray-Cyrus-temporary-restraining-order-Firerose-credit-card-divorce.html

    I’m not saying she’s a gold digger…

    • Timeloose

      Fire Rose sucked $100K instead of a golf ball.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of spokesmodels

    According to researchers, climate change both intensifies extreme weather events like tropical storms and floods and makes them more frequent. The primary cause, in the words of University of Pennsylvania climatologist Michael E. Mann, is “business-as-usual fossil fuel burning.” If that continues, Mann has said, “We could be looking at six feet of sea level rise by the end of the century, the displacement of nearly a billion people,” with the possibility that this could happen “on an accelerated timeframe.”

    Business as usual bullshittery.

    • rhywun

      Salon and Mann were made for each other.

    • Common Tater

      The everglades have always been a desert.

    • Grumbletarian

      f that continues, Mann has said, “We could be looking at six feet of sea level rise by the end of the century, the displacement of nearly a billion people,” with the possibility that this could happen “on an accelerated timeframe.”

      Just like what happened last century, as foretold by the climate clergy.

  22. rhywun

    Former President Donald Trump failed to impress everyone

    Oh my GOD.

    • cavalier973

      There was one guy in the back who kept his arms folded, and continually scowled at the convicted felon who was illegally elected in 2016.

  23. rhywun

    The US believes that Hamas holds the key to the talks. “The haggling has to stop,” US Secretary of State Antony Blinken told NBC on Thursday, urging Sinwar to end the war. “He’s relatively safe underground; the people that he purports to represent, they’re suffering every day.”

    There might be a lesson in that you fucking moron.

    • mindyourbusiness

      I’m sure the IDF has fuel-air bombs handy…

    • UnCivilServant

      That’s partially correct – Talks can be unlocked when Hamas has been exterminated.

      • Suthenboy

        This.
        Want a cease-fire? You are gonna get one.

    • Suthenboy

      Blinkin’
      What’s with the parody character names with lefties?

  24. rhywun

    Stephen King, the rare commercial author who is also a writer, has a new title.

    LOL not even worth naming. I thought I heard him say he stopped releasing novels?

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Crisis and discord

    Mainers are going to decide in November whether to adopt a new flag, but the state needs to settle on a design first.

    Anyone can submit a design proposal as long as it’s based on the state’s original flag, which featured a simple pine tree and blue star against an off-white background. Secretary of State Shenna Bellows announced the flag contest Friday. The deadline is July 19.

    ——-

    The design process was without controversy until news reports of a similar-looking flag flown at the vacation home of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito. The flag featuring a pine tree and the words “AN APPEAL TO HEAVEN” dates to the Revolutionary War, but has recently been associated with the Christian nationalist movement and the false claim that the 2020 presidential election was stolen.

    The article doesn’t even include a photo of the current flag. Too triggering, I suppose.

    • rhywun

      From the “when did you stop beating your wife” school of journalism.

    • Suthenboy

      Is there a Christian Nationalist Movement? Really? Or just 3 or 4 tin foil hats meeting in a basement and whisper to each other about taking over the world?

      • Gender Traitor

        …at least two of whom are Feds.

      • Common Tater

        I don’t know about a “movement”, but through out most of its history the vast majority of Americans were both Christians and Nationalists.

      • cavalier973

        If you prefer procreational sex, you might be a Christian Nationalist.

      • cavalier973

        If you get drunk after three cans of Barq’s, you might be a Christian Nationalist.

      • cavalier973

        If your Bible contains the text of the US Constitution, you might be a Christian Nationalist.

      • cavalier973

        If you start quoting Kohn 3:16 with “When in the course of human events…” you might be a Christian nationalist

      • cavalier973

        *John, not Kohn

      • Gender Traitor

        If you get drunk after three cans of Barq’s

        Which Barq’s? The root beer or the red creme soda (which makes the best popsicles EVAH?)

      • cavalier973

        If you have the idea that we need to stop all this “free market” nonsense, and get back to good ol’ capitalism, you might be a Christian nationalist.

      • cavalier973

        If Romans 13 is your favorite Bible passage, you might be a Christian nationalist.

      • cavalier973

        If you complain about Jews running the world, but look forward to Jesus of Nazareth returning to run the world, you might be a Christian nationalist.

      • cavalier973

        If you apply 2 Chronicles 7:14 to the United States, you might be a Christian nationalist.

  26. Not Adahn

    My vigilant watchdog is not having a good day.

    The next-door neighbors finally declined too much to live independently, and their kids packed them off somewhere. Today there’s an estate sale going on and there is an insane amount of vehicle and foot traffic.

    If they drop the price on a gorgeously tacky lacquer/nacre inlay Chinese dining room set by about $1k, I’ll go for it.

    • UnCivilServant

      That description is so awful that I’m sad I don’t have room for it.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah, it might cross all the way around back to beautiful, I haven’t decided. But I wouldn’t have to at the current asking price.

  27. Common Tater

    “The Sperminator has 165 reasons — and counting — to celebrate this Father’s Day.

    Ari Nagel, a 48-year-old Brooklynite, welcomed his 165th child into the world on Wednesday — but will soon retire from spreading his seed, he told The Post.

    “I’ll stop when I’m 50,” Nagel, who will turn 49 in August, told The Post….

    Nagel, who shot to fame in The Post eight years ago, still hands over sperm samples to one or two aspiring mothers per week, he said, sometimes through clinics and other times in face-to-face, but non-sexual, meetings.

    When he’s not growing his progeny, he vowed to “try to be a better father to my 175 children” – 34 of whom he hasn’t met yet.”

    https://nypost.com/2024/06/15/us-news/sperminator-ari-nagel-welcomes-165th-child-ahead-of-fathers-day/

    I wonder how he doesn’t get hit with a million dollars in child support.

    • Suthenboy

      Some kind of contract You want a baby? I will give you my seed if you promise to go away and leave me alone.

      Didn’t I see fairly recently where a study showed one in six humans are the product of some degree of incest?
      I remember some dude like this was discovered in Kentucky? where he worked as a mailman for 30 years. Apparently he made a lot of ‘deliveries’ over his working years. He was outed when his children and grandchildren began unknowingly marrying each other. Also, some town in NW England where no single child in the village was the child of both ‘parents’ in the house they were living in.