“FATHER!” Barron’s voice reverberated through the long glass halls of Trump Tower as he ran. “FATHER! I SHALL AVENGE YOU!”
He ran and ran until his Mother appeared before him in her elegant mourning blacks.
“Stop, my Son, stop,” she said, her slight vampire accent thick with sleep and anti-anxiety meds.
“They’ve taken, Father!” Barron said. “The hated Bidens have seized him! A curse upon the entire line!” He drew a devotional card featuring Joe martyred in his hospital bed on January 6th, 2021. He threw it on the marble before her, spat, and then tread on once, twice with his giant loafers.
“Your Father has appeals left to Him,” Melania said, yawning wide. “He remains free.”
“Where is He? I must speak with Him!”
“He is with His special advisors, my Son. Take at least a Big Mac or a Filet-O-Fish as tribute,” she said, shuffling back to bed. It was 2:30 in the afternoon.
“Father?” Barron called as he tapped on the door. “Father, I must speak to you!” The cooling Filet-O-Fish in his hand dripped tartar sauce on the floor.
“Who is it?” Donald demanded querulously.
“‘Tis Barron, Father, your son!”
“You’re not the one with the teeth are you?” Donald asked. Barron could hear smothered giggling.
“No, Father, I am… the tall one?”
“Barron!” Donald said, sweeping open the door to the Midtown Oval Office grandly. He was wearing a sweat-stained wifebeater, TRUMP 2018 off-print boxers, and a tattered terry cloth Air Force One bathrobe.
Barron did not see his Father without His toupee very often, and the man looked sad and small and old. Barron rebelled against these thoughts, the shame of disloyalty crushing them down.
“I heard, Father,” Barron said in a teenage rush of words, “I saw, I know.”
“The greatest legal injustice in the entire history of all time,” Donald said, puffing a bit. He gathered his robe around himself, looked for the belt to tie it off and let it fall back open and shrugged when it was not there.
“I brought you this, Father,” Barron said, holding out the Filet-O-Fish. “Mother thought…” Donald ripped the sandwich from his hand and ate it in three huge bites, wrapper and all.
“Come in, Son,” he said, wiping off his hands and face with the robe. Crossing back to his desk, Donald realized he was bald and cast about for his errant hair. “Where are you?” he grumbled.
“Possibly by your hat, Father?” Barron said.
Donald narrowed his eyes. This was the first time Barron had acknowledged his father was bald since he was a small child. Donald shuffled over the low table where his iconic red hat sat and picked it up. His toupee fell out of it and drifted to the floor.
“What were you doing?” he asked the hair as he picked it up. “I hate it when you two are getting along.”
“Father, I have something to tell you…” Barron began. Donald shook his hairpiece out and jammed it roughly onto his head. The hat he dropped on the floor.
“Father, I need…”
“Get yourself off the floor,” Donald said to the hat.
“FATHER!” Barron cried. “I will never think of you as a convicted felon!”
Donald nodded and the giant teen lumbered from the room, fighting back fierce tears.
“He’s weak, Donald,” the hat said as he was picked up.
“He’s just young,” the hair said as he massaged Donald’s scalp.
“He’s bitch-made and needs to toughen the fuck up,” the hat said.
“Asshole,” the hair muttered. He turned around and around on Donald’s head, settled and ostentatiously fell asleep.
“I’m hungry, Donald,” the hat whined.
Donald retched once and let a dollop of mashed-up Filet-O-Fish fall into the upturned hat from his mouth.
Barron could kick the shit out of Hunter.
I’d pay to see that.
Good line. Good advice!
Sometimes you need tough love.
*wipes away a single tear*
It’s…beautiful.
Truly, a marvel in its entirety.
But as tribute actually made me bellow.
We are truly not worthy of the genius that is SugarFree.
Where are the throngs of courtiers?
Is that slang for Russian piss hookers?
Throngs, not thongs.
What was he saying about the thongs on volleyball courts?
I want to know how SUGARFREE gathers his research/intel. Hidden cameras? Magical remote viewing?
His backyard birdbath doubles as a scrying pool.
The ability to see the future, paired with the curse of never being believed (save by the membership of an obsure-but-weirdly-trendy political chat site)?
My guess is he watched The Acolyte, and is channeling lesbian space witches.
SF Ultra?
Scrying the Entrails of White House interns captured in the Kennedy Tunnels.
Thanks, CPRM, for bringing us the truth.
The fathers amongst us need to hear those words from our own kids, instead of every “Dad, I need”….
#metoo
…her slight vampire accent thick with sleep and anti-anxiety meds
Still would.
Even more so, if anything.
I’m not sure I’m allowed to post new posts or to put links…
Oh, I saw that real life Hunter was taking tips from the Hat to defend himself. “It wasn’t a crack pipe in those pictures, it was a meth pipe!” Because everyone knows meth is classier than crack.
Yeah, but Hunter’s never been one to take on all the trappings of Florida Man.
Trump next year?
https://youtu.be/TSGD4lEUY-k
Hah! Can’t say I’m addicted to crack if I switch over to meth!
I was anticipating Barron being subjected to the Gom Jabber by the Reverend Mother Gaius Ivana while sticking his hand into the Hat.
Passing the test would confirm the possibility of Barron being the Kwisatz Trumperach.
His name is a killing word!
Mwah Dibs!
But we know him by his sietch name _usuf!
He drew a devotional card…
Oh, my.
“Your Father has appeals left to Him,”
“Him”. Hmm…..
I am gonna vote for the guy but I dont see him appealing at all.
I’m not voting ’cause I find them all appalling
Something appealing, something appalling.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMrjeejmCpI
“Barron!” Donald said, sweeping open the door to the Midtown Oval Office grandly. He was wearing a sweat-stained wifebeater, TRUMP 2018 off-print boxers, and a tattered terry cloth Air Force One bathrobe.”
Sounds like Donald Soprano.
https://i.etsystatic.com/38504979/r/il/29c6ec/5016450937/il_600x600.5016450937_la59.jpg
Trump is so careful about his appearance in public that that passage made me laugh. Has he ever gone below a golf polo in clothing? Never recall any photos of him in tshirts or shirtless on a vacation beach even during his The Donald reign in the 80’s.
Interesting OT for our NY Glibs. Hochul just killed congestion pricing over fears for Team Blue in November.
https://nypost.com/2024/06/05/us-news/gov-kathy-hochul-considering-delaying-congestion-pricing-report/
Delaying…..
“Pull your britches back up and vote for me. I am not going to rape you just yet.”
I dont blame the grifters anymore. They are just doing what is in their nature. I blame the fucktards that vote.
Yes “indefinitely delaying”. We’ve been trying to parse that phrasing here in the office.
For most things that is code for dead, but we could try again. However, it usually never happens. No idea here.
I blame the fucktards that vote.
Paints face up like The Joker: Now we’re talking.
Sensei: If it means the state’s hand deeper in your pocket they will go through with it no matter how flimsy the pretense, count on it like you count on the sun rising.
It’s not killed; it’s “postponed”. Until November 6, 2024, most likely.
A delay in the congestion pricing plan start date does not require legislative approval, but the state Senate and Assembly would have to approve legislation to make up for the subsequent revenue loss to the MTA.
By which they’ll resolve by cutting spending, right. Right? Why are you all looking at me like that?
+1 RCA dog
Nipper! 😃
It’s not dead until NYC is nuked off the face of the planet.
My husband won a nugget icemaker. HOSPITAL ICE IS THE BEST ICE!
I need to get Mr. Mojeaux to purchase some powerball tickets for me
He wins more than he loses because he usually wins Kansas Lottery tickets in radio contests, so that’s free money.
And he has you. That is some crazy weird good
luck he has.
I’m with you Suthen. Most I’ve won is $2 from a scratch off ticket I got for Christmas. I’ve been to a casino twice and lost $60. That was enough for me.
He would agree with you, but I feel like I’m the luckiest one for getting him.
My eldest daughter would beg her mother to bring home ice from the hospital cafeteria after work.
Unleash the hat and the hair on the jacket:
The L/l version of mind so open your brain falls out.
Open minded in being willing to entertain other ideas outside your realm of comfort or expertise? Good and necessary.
Open minded to the point of not having a consistent hierarchy of value and base principles that you can use distinguish between good and bad ideas? Bad and will lead to camps and trenches filled with bodies.
Have at it drag queens, do your thing, all consensual etc? L(l)ibertarian.
It’s great and good for kids and your just a prude/bigot if you find it distasteful and indicative of an underlying mental illness and refuse to celebrate it? Nothing to do with L(l)ibertarian.
Nick Gillespie trying to sell me a shit sandwich isn’t going to cajole a vote for the Libertarian candidate out of me. Congrats party, you’ve managed to lose my vote for 3 cycles in a row (baring some unforeseen brilliance and perfection from Mr Chase). My meaningless protest vote only gains any meaning as a statement of principle – you ain’t winning, so there’s no perfect enemy of the good calculus to be done here, so I can afford to be a purist. And frankly, what I’ve seen of ChaseForLiberty, it’s not really much of a purist spiral for me.
Got as far as Liz’s response. She has a point. I think Oliver is being earnest but the evil tranny lunatics make the same argument disingenuously in support of Mengeleing children.
The solution, of course, is to remove the financial incentive for the docs to be in on this horror.
The only option for transitioning is to pay for it out of your own pocket and watch this shit wither away overnight.
If minors can consent to hormone and drug treatments that change them forever what else can they consent to, amirite fellas?
*(What sane people hear, rightly, when they hear people talk like that.)
But they can’t get their ears pierced. 🙄
The dichotomy of ‘children are fragile, so we must prevent them from alcohol, tobacco, sex, drugs, violence, the internet, and consequences’ compared to ‘children are rational adults who can make permanent life changing decisions, should be able to vote, and are a voice of wisdom’ hurts my brain too much to square.
… and they can stay on Mommy’s or Daddy’s health insurance until they’re 26. 🙄
RIP Parnelli.
Like Little Bill, I thought he was already dead. 90 is a good long run.
The dichotomy of ‘children are fragile, so we must prevent them from alcohol, tobacco, sex, drugs, violence, the internet, and consequences’ compared to ‘children are rational adults who can make permanent life changing decisions, should be able to vote, and are a voice of wisdom’ hurts my brain too much to square.
Yeah. Where are the people who blather about “delicate developing brains” when this crazy shit comes up?
https://media3.giphy.com/media/lfGKdK1yKPja/giphy.gif
This is just like that time the thing happened!
Okay, SugarFree submitted links but they aren’t publishing for some reason. Please stand by…
Scheduled for 4 pm Central, AKA 5 pm EDT.
Nothing to see here… move along.
Okie Dokie
Good morning all!
Today, one more from The Byrds
Going Back
Share and enjoy!