“I will pardon him, I will!” Donald said, red-faced, as he floated in a kiddie-pool of amniotic harvested from some of the classiest pregnant chicks he’d ever tried to impregnate.
“He’s an addict, a junkie fuck,” the hat said. He had sampled the amniotic fluid before Donald had gotten in. Minty garlic, overtones of anise. It reminded him of Uzo. He had shit himself blackout drunk on Ouzo while he was a Greek Fisherman’s hat in the 1930s. The hat shuddered theatrically.
“I will show him the mercy his father denied me,” Donald said grandly, the thick fluid undulating as he gestured. “Abandoned! Hunter has been abandoned!”
“Maybe you can share a cell,” the hair said solemnly, hanging from a golf tournament trophy.
“You’ve been a gloomy fuck since the verdict,” the hat said to him. “Be like Donald. Look at Donald. Does he look worried?”
“You wouldn’t have to be the one that goes with him,” the hair said. “I don’t want to go to prison.” He lifted clumps of hair to count out the reasons, his top concerns. “One, the shampoo will taste all cheap and shitty. Two, if they don’t let him use his Rogaine prescription, I’ll starve to death. Three, I don’t enjoy prison sex as much as you do…”
“That’s such a great album,” the hat interjected.
“What?” the hair asked, fluffing.
“Never mind,” the hat replied.
Donald took a mouthful of amniotic fluid and spat it in a stream straight upward, globs of queasy yellow goo falling around him.
“Second Amendment martyr,” Donald said. “Like my friend, Kyle. I love Kyle. We should find Kyle a job in my next administration.”
“Capitol Policeman?” the hair asked bitterly.
“Director of the FBI?” the hat posed. He lasted a second or so before he started laughing; even the hair barked out a few, and then went into a coughing fit.
“What’s this supposed to be doing for me?” Donald asked. “It’s like snot. I don’t like snot. Green. Snot is green, not like this stuff.”
“That’s just the color it is,” the hair said.
“But what good is it?”
“It tones and firms the skin,” the hair said.
“You don’t want to look like Joe, do you?” the hat asked. “Piss-pants Andes mummy is a terrible look.”
Donald gave him a sour look and then draped a wet washcloth of his eyes.
“Think what Hunter could have been if he had been my son,” Donald said after a minute or so. “He could have been a titan of industry, he could have been a leader of men.”
“You saw the reports. They say he walks around all day in nothing but a jock-strap and has conversions with a giant crack rock,” the hat said.
“Having conversations with inanimate objects?” the hair said deadpan. “Imagine being that crazy.”
“Give me some more amniotic fluid,” the hat said. “It was so bad I sorta want to try it again.”
Nice. The setting is very Harkonnen.
So who’s going to kick off the Butlerian Jihad?
(I’m not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed that I spelled that right on the first try).
Barron as Muad-dib? Hunter as Feyd? Yeah, this could work.
I always thought that concept was ridiculous but now I’m thinking Frank might have been on to something.
lol I almost wrote “on something”
He was definately on something.
So if this is Dune, then Kyle is Kyle Mcglachlan?
Kyle MAGAlachlan
Kyle MAGAlachlan
Kull wahad!
“Having conversations with inanimate objects?” the hair said deadpan. “Imagine being that crazy.”
Inconceivable.
The fourth wall has been breached. Heh.
Dammit, everyone has stolen the comment I wanted to make.
Should be in the non-fiction section.
Thanks and right before lunch. I’ll wait another hour.
I think the fourth wall has been bleached this time.
Or, is it that dyke who has been breached?
Donald said, red-faced, as he floated in a kiddie-pool of amniotic harvested from some of the classiest pregnant chicks he’d ever tried to impregnate.
Wow, right out of the gate! Not even any warm-up!
So Trump is Harkonnen and Hunter, rather than Barron is Maud’dib?
Either way, we’re getting worms.
“Wither way we are getting worms.”
I love it.
Barron is Feyd Rautha. He has bald chicks eating his victims in the dungeons below Mar-a-Lago.
The real question is: who is the Beast Rabin?
That’s Frau Doktor Rabban to you.
Don Jr.?
lol
Hat backstory!
Dragging over from the dead thread…am I past the time rule?….regarding the tantrums from the globalists about expected petroleum surpluses:
Cheap, readily available energy gives us prosperity. Prosperity gives individuals options…power over their own lives. Of course the globalists must destroy that. It is where the push for electric cars, the climate change doom, the war on the enlightenment etc. all comes from.
the war on the enlightenment
Ehhhh. This postmodern shit us the love child of the enlightenment, nihilism, and animism. It’s not a war against the enlightenment, its the devolution of enlightenment thinking as all of the guardrails have been removed.
I think of it as a logical consequence. I think that may have been Nietzsche’s take too, if I read him right.
Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not “every man for himself”, and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Juris. I looked them up.
Next time I see you, I will dangle you out the window of a high building until you apologize!
Slumbrew gets really hot if you speak russian to him.
Spoiler – it will be a ground floor window.
You’re the vulgarian, you fuck!
OT: Some of these (and I think there are more) should have been kept in the movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhX3gy57QlI
J-J-J-Juris, C-C-C-Coming to Ju-Ju-Judge you!
Sorry, I dozed off.
Sounds like grist for endless articles to me.
*Am using that expression correctly?
Remembering those Sunday drives/picnics after WW2 gas rationing was over. For a little kid what was not to like?
“Director of the FBI?” the hat posed. He lasted a second or so before he started laughing; even the hair barked out a few, and then went into a coughing fit.
I’d pay good money to see this happen.
“I will pardon him, I will!” Donald said, red-faced, as he floated in a kiddie-pool of amniotic harvested from some of the classiest pregnant chicks he’d ever tried to impregnate.
I’d pay good money for somebody to use a pickaxe to remove this mental image from my brain
Just set him loose in DC with a license to kill all the bureaucrats he wants. Issue occasional pardons as needed.
Must’ve been before he met that talented Austrian painter he partnered with.
The Hat is too free-spirited to have even impersonated military headgear. Mussolini’s hat – now that would be believable.
I don’t know if a squint is being narrowed or soon a proud man will doff his cap.
*Squints in internal confusion*
No linky?
In any case, that should have been a Lords of Acid title.
Yes, the hat is a big fan of Tool. It’s canon now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUPV4OfNlt0&ab_channel=TOOLVEVO
The girlfriend learned the hard way not to ask for authoritative answers on things she wasn’t sure of what the answer would be. Long story short, there was a beer made by a brewer I know that had a story I had attached that it was named after her (“Fram-boyzee” – a raspberry wheat beer). She would get upset every time I told the story because “I didn’t know if it was true.” We were at an event at the brewers current brewery, and he was there, so she made me go through the story, and asked him if it was really named after her.
His response?
“There were lots of people who made that mistake, but now it’s yours. I definitely named it after you now.”
“I don’t enjoy prison sex as much as you do”
“That’s such a great album,”
I missed the reference, but noticed I was missing something
Well, it could have been Pigface doing Suck.
Loved the original album.
Maga hay replaced with ACF hat. Attica! Attica! Attica!
Long rambling article with bad thoughts:
Assassination War & the Death of Bureaucracy
https://www.anarchonomicon.com/p/assassination-war-and-the-death-of
FIRST-ICA FIRST-ICA FIRST-ICA
*knocks over trash can and walks out*
No flaming rolls of toilet paper flung through the air?
Am disappoint.
I don’t remember this tweet from NASA celebrating their achievement being posted here, but maybe it happened while I was offline.
https://x.com/NASAAmes/status/1799194566714920972
I’ve come to the conclusion that Hunter appears not from behind the curtains or trap doors, but from the backrooms within the Whitehouse. I picture them like the art work by this guy. They are unsettling and familiar at the same time.
https://www.designboom.com/art/diving-3d-artist-jared-pike-imaginary-liminal-interiors-pool-dreamscapes-02-18-2024/
I was at the White House last week. Much of it was off limits even though Joe and Dr. Jill were out of town. I suspect Hunter was having a multi-day rager for the start of Pride Month.
Find any coke in cubbies?
Find? Maybe he was doing a drop.
I don’t think JR is a mule for Don Brett. You can’t conceal much volume on a bicycle or under the lycra.
The pool at the Langham London looks like a better version of one of his works:
https://www.travelstay.com/images/102188/28/langham_hotel_london_swimmingpool.jpg
It’s all the way in the sub-basement – you can hear the Tube go by overhead.
The lack of white tile makes it look normal to me. For some reason the tile makes it better/worse.
Those are way too cool to be connected to FedGov.
Maybe a Denis Villeneuve set?
Gutfeld’s “Eternal Cliffhanger Theory” of OMB’s staying power.
“Orange Harry Potter”
lulz
The groveling apology from the reporter is the chef’s kiss at the end of this bit of current-year stupidity.
““Truth Seekers” actor D’Arcy admitted that they felt pressure to “present as a woman” at the beginning of their career to be successful in the industry.”
Yeah, see, we’re casting for the part of a woman in this production. If you want the job, that’s who you’re going to be.
““It wasn’t sustainable, and I stopped pretending,” D’Arcy said in an interview with Them. “And weirdly at that point, I got nominated for best actress for the Golden Globes [thanks to ‘House of the Dragon’], which is like beautifully ironic.””
Turns out there is a publication called Them.
https://www.them.us/
Click through to read about some trailblazer who is decolonizing queer storytelling.
No.
And someone “Shook the Fashion World By Standing With Gaza. That Statement Won’t Be Their Last”.
I’m on tenterhooks!
She looks angry in every shot. I guess that’s “manly” or something.
The only Them that was ever worthwhile.
I was already planning on continue my streak of not watching that show, no need to bolster that plan.
The girlfriend recently decided to give it a try. I think she made it through the first episode, and that was it.
In order to qualify for a grant, applicants must “demonstrate how meaningful public involvement, inclusive of disadvantaged communities, will occur throughout a project’s life cycle.”
Why FedGov handing out money can still only manage to build 7 EV charging stations. Reason #1,001.
https://freebeacon.com/biden-administration/white-house-equity-requirements-holding-back-ev-charging-station-construction-internal-docs-show/
Good on Biden for sticking to his guns. It’s obvious that the reason poor people don’t buy $90k electric cars is because there are no charging stations in the ghetto.
Similar to obesity rates and “food deserts”.
But I’ve been hearing that you can get a used Tesla for under $25k now!
And then have to pay $50k to replace the dead battery pack?
No way!
For compliance with the city of Philly, we had to buy a % of products from minority owned businesses. Their product pricing was always higher than other vendors for the same items.
It’s the good kind of racism.
If you had to buy from them, why would they not charge as much as possible.
Anyone want a free mansion?
https://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/historic-hood-mansion-limerick-move/3883503/
My friend owns a historic house in bucks County (Ben Franklin’s Accountant or some such). He has to keep the interior and exterior historically accurate and can not modify/add on to the structure. He is the right kind of autistic for this kind of stuff and revels in it. After retiring his hobby/job is restoring old woodwork and matching the craftsmanship from the 18-19th century. The man does amazing work, but I think his wife is the saint. He has a Ferrari Testarossa in his garage that he restored from a wreck, various woodworking projects, and a BMW motorcycle from the 1960’s that he must have rebuilt 5 times over.
Anyone want a free mansion?
I can’t afford it.
He has to keep the interior and exterior historically accurate and can not modify/add on to the structure.
My parents bought a “historically significant” house in northern New Jersey which had somehow or other escaped being put on the Hysterical Register. It was pretty run down, and they did a ton of work to it. I dread to think what they spent, but it was their money, and that was what they wanted. From the day they bought it people pestered them about getting it designated as an historical treasure. My dad, “That’s the stupidest idea I have ever heard.”
Your father sounds like a wise man.
Heaven save me from seeing a man’s name pop up on the patient list of an ob/gyn. *headdesk* The cognitive dissonance is real, yo. I can’t even tell you the name because HIPAA, but it’s ridiculous. Think: Greek mythology.
Maybe she’s there to have her front hole checked for birthing people’s cancer?
/immediately steps away before he tries to proof read his own sentence.
This “front hole” business for a cervix. “Front hole” isn’t even anatomically accurate. TF. And never mind this that is also not anatomically accurate for a “non-prostate owner.” No clitoris.
These people really do hate women.
Mojeaux:
Since there’s no clitoris, does that mean it was made by the stereotypical dumb male?
No, they hate themselves and revere the position women now have with 4th wave feminism. Both empowered and victim – all at the same time!
JI, oh if that were so. It’d be mercenary and grifting, but that’s at least self-aware.
However, I hang out with TERF Twitter and the shit that these autogynophiles post about women, it’s clear that a) they think they can be better women than women, b) they have a sexual fetish that can get them off both by looking at themselves as women and making other people observe this without the other people’s consent, and c) they would entirely eradicate women if they had their druthers. The amount of hatred and threats of violence they spew toward women is entirely testosterone-driven, which means, ironically, they are not succeeding at actually being women.
Er, well, I’m not saying they don’t hate themselves. They do. And project that on everyone else.
Mojeaux: That is a lot of words to say ‘These are some seriously sicko motherfuckers.’
Poseidon?
It can’t be Aphrodite, otherwise you would have said Greek/stripper…
It’s Testacles, isn’t it? Everyone knows the story of Testicles and his army of seamen.
Booo
Narcissus?
Oooh, good guess! But no, that would mean this individual had some measure of self-awareness. What s/he chose is the exact opposite of self-aware and is either delusional or aspirational.
Maybe best-case-scenario is that it’s mother was just an idiot?
So little Hephaestus or Apollo or something is really a girl?
*its
This is true, never doubt people’s ability to give their children very, very dumb names. A guy I used to work with used to teach at an inner city Omaha High School and had a student named Vaginia (vah-gee-nah).
r/tragedeigh
I’m thinking Jason – Just for probability’s sake.
Salon running true to form!
However, in recent weeks, as the number of bird flu cases have climbed, so have sales of raw milk. This is because numerous Republican public figures have decried what they perceive to be attempts from the government and “Big Milk” to infringe on their right to consume the beverage, regardless of whether it contributes to the human-to-human spread of bird flu. It’s an attitude that closely mimics the party’s approach to the COVID-19 pandemic and the ways in which their members refused to participate in even basic public health and safety measures.
And just about as useful for stopping transmission too!
For Republicans, raw milk is the new masking
https://www.salon.com/2024/06/12/for-republicans-raw-milk-is-the-new-masking/
Any story about something being “on the rise” without providing solid numbers should be burned, the ashes carefully collected, then fed to a diseased yak who will then shit it out on the author’s desk.
They probably diet and/or work out, too.
Fucking Republicans.
Wow.
Those basic public health and safety measures that they now concede were useless? The ones we have known for 100+ years dont work? Those ones?
The persistence of communicable diseases proves handwashing and other supposed sanitation techniques don’t work.
the ways in which their members refused to participate in even basic public health and safety measures.
If you told Salon Writer she wouldn’t get pregnant if she hopped around the bed clockwise while wearing a purple nightcap, she’d call you crazy. But it’s just basic sexual hygiene. All the smart people agree.