Confessions of a Middle Age Man in Lycra – Wild Wild West

by | Jul 23, 2024 | Fitness, Sports | 78 comments

The Wild West Gravel Grinder takes place annually in Red Bluff, California and is billed as an adventure ride not a race.  The routes go through private ranches that are otherwise inaccessible and promised great views of the surrounding mountains.  I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.  The event website was a little janky, the town rolled up its sidewalks by 7 PM the day prior, and my hotel looked like a slightly less methy Motel 6 from the outside and was mostly empty.  I was getting worried that it would be a poorly attended and poorly run event.

The day of the ride I arrived at the venue at about 6:30 and the parking lot was filling up.  OK, this is starting to look promising.  I noticed that the person parked next to me was pretty well known in the gravel cycling world as an inductee into the Gravel Cycling Hall of Fame (yes, that’s a thing) having won some of the biggest gravel races around as well as having been a medalist in the cycling World Championships.  All right, the ride has the seal of approval from a serious rider.  Things are looking up.  This might be a real ride after all.  My fears subsided.

Because this was a non-competitive event, and because there was a race on the other side of the mountains the same day that attracted most of the competitive types, there was no dick measuring at the start.  In fact, there was a larger than normal percentage of women at the ride, and near as I could tell, very few of them had dicks to measure.  

Now git.

The organizer gave us an update on the course.  The longest course, 123 miles, had been canceled due to a mudslide and snow.  The roads will be a mix of the good, the bad and the ugly. There would be a few creek crossings, but nothing too big.  He warned us that the rattlesnakes are out, so be careful if going into the brush to take a pee.  He taught us to yee-haw the right way; drag the yee and whip the haw.  He then said a prayer as the ride was hosted by the church where he is the minister.  Then a rocking rendition of the national anthem on the electric guitar, and with shots from his gun we were off.  It was just a cap gun, and a real one would have been more motivating, but it was still pretty cool.

Mt. Shasta in the distance. Free Cascadia.

All the distances, 100, 70 and 40 miles, started together and shared the same course for the first 20 miles.  No fighting for position like you see in a race, just people going at their own pace.  Locals cheered from the comfort of their front porch as we took the asphalt out of town and west toward the mountains.  The first leg of the course was mostly uphill, about half on gravel with nice twisty roads through the oaks.  A small creek crossing was refreshing and would surely be welcome on the return leg as it was supposed to be a hot day.  Before long we reached the first rest stop.

The Good

After the rest stop the 70 and 100 milers continued west toward a snowy peak in the distance.  After a climb on asphalt we turned left onto Pettyjohn Road for some nice gravel through beautiful grasslands and hills and we got our first view of Mt. Shasta to the north.  At one point a rattlesnake was crossing the road, maybe to get a chicken, and a rider stopped to wrangle him off to the side.  I kept going because I hate snakes.  There were supposed to be wild pigs out here too, but I think the faster riders already scared them off.

Descending to the Bad

After a nice descent to Cold Fork, the 100 mile route turned left to go up to Hammer Place, but I wasn’t going to touch that.  A little tired but too legit to quit, the rest of us turned right onto Weemasoul Road next to a creek.  The road appeared to see little use as it was a little overgrown at the start, but before long it became a pleasant path through some volcanic features.  Soon, however, the road took a turn for The Bad.  The road began to have deep ruts due to the winter rains and there were several creek crossings.  At points the creek and the road were the same thing, and other times the road was nothing more than sharp rocks and baby heads which was challenging but fun.  And since it was starting to get hot, the creek crossings felt good as the spray cooled me down.

The obstacle is the way.

The second rest stop was at the end of Weemasoul Road.  I downed half a coke and put the rest in my water bottle to give me energy for the next section, which was The Ugly.  The climb out of the canyon started with an 18% grade.  Rideable, but it definitely puts nails in the legs.  After that steep bit the climb continued for another two miles finishing off with more double digit gradients, but payoff was worth it.  At the top of the ridge we had views of both Mt. Lassen to the east and Mt. Shasta to the north as the road continued along the ridge before dropping down into a valley.  The road was once again The Good.  Well not good for everyone as several people had pulled over to fix flats, and I stopped to give a spare tube to a damsel in distress.

The payoff after the Ugly

On the climb before the final rest stop someone’s bike started making a lot of noise.  It wasn’t the guy to my left.  Nor was it the guy to my right.  It doesn’t seem to be the guy we just passed.  I guess it’s me.  It seems that all the creek crossings and dust started grinding my gears.  Note to self: next time bring a 55 ml bottle of lube.

The last rest stop was a welcome sight as the temperature was into the 90s now and my water bottles were empty.  Fortunately I still had reserves in my hydration pack.  I didn’t want to lollygag at the rest stop as it was only going to get hotter, so I started the last 20 mile leg which happened to be the same as the first leg, just the opposite direction.  The road felt much more washboarded that it did before, and my undercarriage began to feel like it was getting mauled by the cycling cryptid, LANCE SMITH, who can be vicious despite having no nuts.  But soon we were back onto smoother paved roads and I was able to pick up the pace to the finish where grilled tri-tip and beans awaited.  

Despite my initial trepidation, this turned out to be a great ride.  The course was beautiful with just the right amount of adventure.  The aid stations were well stocked and there were plenty of other riders.  Maybe next time I’ll try the 100 mile route if the weather cooperates.  If you are in the area and looking for a good adventure ride, I highly recommend it.

About The Author

JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

Am I being detained?

78 Comments

  1. Don escaped Texas

    cool

    there are some vicious loops at the HH100

    vaguely related: had the best carnitas ever, better than anything in Texas or Mexico, yesterday in Walnut Ridge, Arkansas

    • DrOtto

      Housemade tortillas? I ask because store bought suck, but seems to be the standard at most places for corn tortillas, even if they make their own flour tortillas.

  2. Fourscore

    Thanks JR, I’ll just ride with you, always enjoy your travels but I get a little tired just reading your adventures.

  3. Evan from Evansville

    That minister? Truly a man of His people. And damn, that looks like (grueling) fun. I liked my recent trails in West Virginia but those were extremely Family Friendly. The volcanic bit would likely interest me most, scenery-wise, but that Good ain’t Bad at all. That’s a place to make a picnic-spot. (Many of them, if easier to get there. Guess I’ll have to buy the place…)

    Your Motel 6 only looked “slightly less methy?” Well. Folk KEEP it lookin’ mostly empty. May be missin’ out on what makes them cheap fun. (Allegedly.)

  4. rhywun

    18% grade. Rideable

    lolno

    That’s not even walkable these days, sigh.

    • CPRM

      Fuck, I trip on a slightly uneven floor with a rug on it.

      • Fourscore

        Tripping is one thing, falling down takes the fun out of things

      • CPRM

        You could best me in any agility contest, stop gloating.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      The driveway of my childhood home is about 30%. I still ride it when I’m visiting my mom. 18% isn’t bad compared to that, at least for a short distance.

  5. Mojeaux the Lazy Yenta

    I’d’a stopped at that stream and lain down in it to watch the sky.

    • Tres Cool

      Eat a peach, Alice.

  6. Chafed

    I rate this a 7 out 10 on the Goggins-O-Meter. Great work JaimeRoberto.

  7. CPRM

    My car is out front plugged into an electric cord, but not because it’s an EV. I have the electric cooler in the trunk plugged in to A/C so all the wine, cheese and meat stays nice and cool before I switch over to D/C in the morning and begin my trip to deliver those contents to some glibs. I’m also bringing along some illegal beer, so I feel like The Bandit.

    • R.J.

      No beer should be illegal. Free the beer!

      • CPRM

        The Minnesota Department of Public Safety Alcohol and Gambling Enforcement Division began an investigation after receiving a tip about the Maple Tavern and on April 13, two of its agents visited the bar, spotted the beer on tap and ordered it.

        They tested the beer and later, during a search warrant of the bar, recovered three Spotted Cow kegs on site.

        Rigorous testing, to be sure.

      • CPRM

        Good show on linking your work.

      • R.J.

        I still don’t understand why they give a shit.

      • CPRM

        That handfart video is nothing but a cheapfake. Sounds like he’s doing it with his mouth.

      • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        The Minnesota Department of Public Safety Alcohol and Gambling Enforcement Division

        THIS SHOULD NOT EVEN EXIST!

      • CPRM

        MinnieSodans know nothing about drinking. That’s why at my cousin’s wedding across the border we Sconnies drank the bar dry then left for someplace that still had alcohol.

  8. CPRM

    We need a good ol John Henry style race between Jaime Roberto and Deadhead. Man VS Machine. Who could do 100 miles fastest.

  9. Aloysious

    Nice pic.

    Tuco looks as eager as STEVE SMITH sizing up hikers in Cascadia.

  10. Aloysious

    And now, having RTA…

    very cool. Thanks for this.

    Free Cascadia.

  11. The Bearded Hobbit

    Greetings from the Yukon!

    Rain last night and today helped cut down on the smoke but the mountains were still occluded by haze. Still a nice drive.

    Critter count: So far we’ve seen {animal} crossing for deer, elk, moose, caribou, mustangs, mountain goats, mountain sheep, and bison. No moose or wild horses, yet. However, we came upon a herd of bison, probably 50 animals on both sides of the road. Magnificent animals.

    Got a good-sized star on the windshield from a passing truck. My brother and his wife honeymooned in Alaska and I recalled a story from him. At the time the AL-CAN was largely gravel and it was just a given that you would have to replace your windshield after the trip. Bro said that one guy had a piece of plywood bolted over his windshield with a little slot for the driver to look through. Must have been a nice trip for the others in the car, looking at plywood all the way there and back. Saved his glass, though.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      {animal} crossing signs

    • KSuellington

      Noice! You drove up there from New Mex? Just because or you have a final destination somewhere? That sounds great I really want to hit the far north, have not made it up there yet.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I’ve wanted to drive the AL-CAN since I was ten years old. Sixty years ago it was a wilderness experience. Today it is a nice, paved road with highway speeds.

        I was going to do it on a Harley; glad now that I didn’t.

        We will visit Animal this weekend followed by a tour to Prudhoe Bay to see the Arctic Ocean.

      • R.J.

        Fantastic!
        It’s good to hear from you, glad you are still out there trekking around.
        Tell Animal hello!

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        @RJ

        Will do! Haven’t seen him around the site lately.

        This is probably my last Great Road Trip. Long drives and living out of a suitcase are wearing on my old tired bones.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I heard he was pissed off about his story time slot getting cancelled and wanted to write for a site that pays better.

        (/s 😜)

  12. Gustave Lytton

    Two bike posts on the same day? Luxury.

    • Chafed

      And MikeS missed it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Out for a ride, no doubt.

  13. R C Dean

    Beautiful country. Thanks for the writeup and pics.

    “I stopped to give a spare tube to a damsel in distress”

    Phrasing, etc.

  14. dbleagle

    Thanks for the ride. I have done plenty of road miles earlier in my life, including centuries and once a triple century.* But I never even thought about a gravel rode near century that wasn’t on a rail-to-trail project. A tip of my monocle at you good sir.

    *I do not recommend a 300+ mile 24-hour race. I was almost hallucinating by the end, and I swear I could not feel anything between my legs for 48 hours afterwards.

  15. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    I used to ride my bike from ZF (where I lived) to LC (where I went to school) (15 miles through a steep elevation change). There may have been was a girl involved. I remember passing cars down the rock cut (speed limit was 55 mph) on my ten speed (bought with aluminum can recycling money), no helmet, dressed in a tee-shirt and shorts.

    She still occupies an inordinate amount of my brain space. Chris was her name. She had extraordinarily square buttocks. Which I touched as often as I could. Back then the Mississippi was filled with shit from St. Paul. We’d swim out to the dive platform and dive into the turd infested waters thinking we were cool.

    I danced with her several times at school dances. I taught Methodist summer camp with her for 2 summers. Nothing ever became of it.

    /memory lane

    • Gustave Lytton

      If Joe starts blipping Max Headroom style tomorrow, I’m all in.

    • rhywun

      LOL I also went immediately to “Joe Headroom”.

      I wouldn’t put anything past these types now.

    • Sean

      😂😂

      • Sean

    • Ted S.

      No Champs?

      • Sean

        No.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Gentlemen, start your brutal hangovers.

      • rhywun

        With tequila? Seriously.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, U, Ted’S., Stinky, and rhy!

      • Gender Traitor

        So far so good. Boss is working remotely today, and we’ll see if I need to babysit the new CFO at all. Other than that, just plodding through the Zoom recording of last week’s Board meeting. (I’m halfway through!)

        How about you?

      • UnCivilServant

        I got a more normal amount of sleep, woke up at a more normal time, and have dragged myself into the office. I am lamenting the lack of white noise as the voices from the far end of the room still carry to my cube enough that I am aware people are talking. (But unless I try, I don’t register what’s being said). I wish I had some time where I could just laze and not feel like I’m wasting my limited time off.

      • Gender Traitor

        Would a small fan, even if you don’t need it for cooling, add enough white noise to help?

      • UnCivilServant

        The noise gets picked up on phone calls and teleconferences (A non-negligable part of my job) so I’m running two very quiet bar (shape not location) fans. Adding another one for the noise I was frequently asked to eliminate would just make people annoyed at me.

      • rhywun

        Mornin’.

  16. Sean

    Harris managed to “pack” a high school gym.

    A gym.

    😂😂😂😂😂

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      12:00 PM: VP Kamala Harris Rally
      6:00 PM: JV Girls County Volleyball Championship-GO MUSTANGS!!!

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      I couldn’t imagine the electricity of being in a crowd of almost 100. Wow.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can. That’s well into the range where I start muttering to myself “I’ve got to get out of this place”.

        I don’t do well in crowds.

    • Not Adahn

      To be fair, that’s vastly larger than FJB’s crowds last election. And he won!

      • WTF

        Yeah, he “won”.

    • UnCivilServant

      “Welcome to election season, where you opinion doesn’t count and the votes don’t matter”

      -Whose Election is it Anyway.

      • rhywun

        lol

    • WTF

      I guess they feel they can manufacture the votes they need without appealing to the more moderate voters.

    • slumbrew

      It’s a bold strategy, Cotton.

    • rhywun

      It’s an obvious admission where the base of the Party is now.

      I am all for this development.

    • slumbrew

      I have yet to see any details on how, precisely, the “Heritage Oversight Project” supposedly got all this cell phone information.

      I keep clicking through to listed sources and bubkis. The Oversight Project itself mentions FOIA requests but cell phone ad data is not subject to that.

      • WTF

        Supposedly:

        Investigators used Crooks’ home and work addresses to find cell phones that were common to both addresses, then triangulated each phone’s paths of travel. They used commercially available phone-identification numbers that are normally used to tailor advertising to the phone’s user.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Yeah that strains credibility. They could be subject to FOIA if his phone was being surveiled already and you can bet your bottom dollar that that “national security” and/or “privacy” cards would be used to deny any such request.

    • WTF

      A cell phone associated with the home and work locations of would-be assassin Thomas Matthew Crooks was tracked by private investigators to a building in Washington, D.C., that houses both the Gallery mall and offices of the FBI, the Heritage Foundation’s Oversight Project reported on Monday.

      Oh, not at all suspicious. Of course we will never get the truth of what happened.