“Was that idiot cross-eyed?” Dark Cracky asked. “How do you miss at that range?”
“I know, I know,” Hunter said. “We are all really upset.” He took a couple of anxious licks of Dark Cracky.
“If I had arranged this, I would have sent a professional. It’s like we don’t even have VA mental wards any longer.” Dark Cracky licked Hunter back, grooming his neck and purring.
“Daddy said we have to put a bullseye on Trump, and this rando decided to step up,” Hunter said. “Spontaneous. No way to blame us.”
“But he couldn’t seal the deal, despite claiming to have a 10-inch penis,” Dark Cracky said, narrowing his eyes, the laser light eyes growing brighter, darkness increasing by 34%, crackiness 3-fold.
“He claimed to have a 10-inch penis? I mean, he could have killed T-rump with that!” Hunter cackled.
“T-rump?” Dark Cracky said. “Like Trump, but emphasizing the ‘rump’ part. And ‘rump’ means ‘butt.’ That’s hilarious! Did you come up with that all by yourself?”
“I sure did,” Hunter beamed, hugging Dark Cracky.
“Joe? Are you down here?” Kamala called.
“Don’t move,” Dark Cracky whispered. “She can only sense movement.”
“I think that’s dinosaurs,” Hunter whispered back.
“How am I supposed to know?” Dark Cracky said, “You’re the one that said it.”
“Joe? Don’t hide from me, Joe. I’m your Vice President.”
“He’s not here!” Dark Cracky yelled.
“Go ‘way, crackin’!” Hunter said, and hissed like a wet cat.
“I’m looking for Joe,” Kamala said, followed by a compulsive nervous cackle.
“Daddy’s wandering around somewhere,” Hunter said.
“In the tunnels?” Kamala asked, unalarmed. “Why, he could get hurt down here…”
“Daddy will never die, witch!” Dark Cracky hissed. “He’ll live for a thousand years and then a thousand more just to spite you!”
“This joke is getting very old, Hunter,” Kamala said, trying to cackle, choking instead, coughing, specks of sputum spraying.
“You’re the old joke!” Hunter screeched.
In the tense silence as Hunter’s words faded away, they heard, “Ashley…” Joe called, his feet shuffling on the rough floor of the tunnel. “Ashley… w-w-where are you?”
“It’s just a stutter,” Hunter and Kamala said reflexively. Dark Cracky laughed.
“Ashley, where are you, my dirty, dirty girl?”
“Daddy?” Hunter called into the darkness. “Follow my voice. You’re lost, you’re lost.”
“I thought the tracking chips were just to take care of this,” Kamala said.
“Only if he leaves the White House grounds,” Hunter said.
“What good is that?”
“Sometimes the Secret Services, well, sort of lose him.”
“Lose him?” Kamala asked. “Why wasn’t I informed of this?”
“Oh, man, I can’t take it,” Dark Cracky said.
“The Secret Service found him wandering around the Pennsylvania Avenue Sbarro’s,” Hunter admitted. “Dr. Jill Stepmommy said it was to be expected.”
“Expected?” Kamala said, reaching for octaves above the human register. Dark Cracky huddled against Hunter in obvious distress.
“Old people wander off,” Hunter said and shrugged.
“Ashley? Come here right now. You know I expect you to be clean.”
“By all the avatars of Merciful Ganesh,” Kamala swore, head a-wobble.
“I liked your ghetto accent better.”
“Shut up, Cracky,” she said.
“I AM DARK CRACKY!” the flaky hunk thundered.
Ashley and Daddy share a tender moment on the 4th July.
When Joe grooms you, you stay groomed.
An unexpected treat that lives up! A prelude to tomorrow’s nightmare fuel. Whee!
Prelude? For some reason this made me wonder… if Jill and Hunter are really pulling the strings behind the scenes — and Kamala has a track record of being of service to men in power to further her own position…. and she comes upon underwear Hunter in full laptop Cracky mode…..
Bonds that should never, ever be forged….
If the jockstrap pick is accurate, he does have an impressive cock. An immoral cockwhore like Kamala would have a tough time resisting that. And I’m not using cockwhore as a pejorative, here.
Now I’m picturing all the water glasses in the White House shaking with each step as she approaches from the Naval Observatory…. thanks, Dark Cracky!
¡Buenos enlaces!
This was totally worth bumping ¡enlaces!
OMG.
We are not worthy of these riches being bestowed upon us.
Speak for yourself. *I’m* worthy of it.
Gary wouldn’t have the cold two scoop mounds like vanilla ice cream Joe loves tonguing oh so much….
Dammit… what a time for a misclick. Pifflebunnies.
LOL
Eeeeewwwww!
Can we have Joe groom Gary?
Fucking Gary man…
Gay.
Yay, SF!
Go ‘way! Cracking!
That, plus an illo of Cracky, has to be the next Glibs merch. Layout as follows, everything centered, I’m trying to decide on a typeface:
Go ‘Way,
[Cracky Illo]
Crackin’
Yes!
OK, I am so flummoxed by my incompetent or corrupt (or both) government that I need something positive.
So
I got 2, count them TWO likes from Mojeaux on X.
Suck it losers!
I am so better than you! 2 hearts. Ha! I am totally one of the cool kids now…
Teacher’s pet, teacher’s pet…
You are so going to get wedgied on the playground after the bell.
“Go ‘way, crackin’!”
Bravo.
Ashley and Daddy share a tender moment on the 4th July.
Is she fumbling for his wallet with her other hand?
You don’t think there’s a reason that flag banner is covering his Gary-zone?
Relevant
Someone released that photo thinking it made Joe look good.
The media reps for Biden are beyond incompetent.
They are the gift that keeps on giving. But the truly scary possibillity is that they ran these resonate with key demographics.
Certainly it seems they’ve got the right pitch for the Teacher’s Unions these days.
“Well, Biden is upright, and seems to know where he is in the picture, so that’s good!”
resonate with key demographics
Epstein clients/wealthy Democrat donors.
Bravo! And the highlight when you hover over Cracky is eerie.
Assume you mean the Featured Illo on the top page (aka feed). That’s a design feature of the new, improved website design, and is automatically applied to all Featured Illos.
But it’s as if it had been custom made for Dark Cracky!
When you hover, the eyes bore right into your soul.
The muse has blessed sugarfree this week.
Or cursed.
Mouth of Madness. Lots of gibbering going on.
Tomato / tomater
Joe wanders the tunnels like this.
https://x.com/Emilio2763/status/1812808676664627468?
Good lord.
Weirdest stutter I’ve ever seen.
Looks like he’s soaking his hands in Palmolive.
He’s got literal Montgomery Burns hands.
“He took a couple of anxious licks of Dark Cracky.”
Not even a euphemism, Katrine? Kamala? Why not both
All will be revealed
The United States obtained intelligence about an Iranian plot to assassinate former President Donald Trump in recent weeks, three officials briefed on the matter told NBC News on Tuesday.
That intelligence led the U.S. Secret Service to increase security around Trump, who is the Republican presidential nominee, the officials said.
The intelligence and boosted Secret Service protection occurred before Trump was targeted in an attempted assassination by 20-year-old gunman Thomas Crooks at a campaign rally in Pennsylvania on Saturday.
CNN first reported the news of the Iranian plot, which raises more questions about the Secret Service’s failure to prevent the shooting by Crooks from a nearby building’s rooftop. There are no known links between Crooks and the Iran plot.
At this time, wink wink nudge nudge.
Trump’s new security detail looks like the Packers’ defensive line or a Ranger reunion.
Good thing they increased security. Who knows what might have happened!
Was Thomas Crooks recruited by the Iranians?
Lately I’ve read quite a bit here and elsewhere that it’s just incompetence and poor coordination of the USSS and various LEO parties at the attempted assassination site. It sounds plausible but there’s no explanation how a 20-year-old with no social media history happened to be exactly in the right place surrounded by the police from every direction. I don’t believe he was just lucky. That “luck” is much less probable than a conspiracy within the US government to assassinate Trump.
I would say there was deliberate slackness in the security perimeter. Beyond that, just a strong sense that they have pushed to “flood the zone.”
In other words, nothing was planned but nothing was beefed up.
So why would the Iranians want to knock off Trump and not Biden? It’s a mystery….
Follow-up from one of the Mourning lynx:
National Anthem singer admits she was drunk, checks into rehab
I’m guessing that her handlers told her that there wouldn’t be any Autotune, so she had a couple of tequila shots to calm her nerves, then a couple more.
Seriously, that national anthem was so bad, Colin Kaepernick stood up for it.
lulz
First Trump’s ear, then ours. Sounds like some kind of conspiracy.
🙄
I read that as her being ironic.
I read that as her being ironic.
So rehab put a black fly in her Chardonnay?
[golf claps for shpip]
🙄🙄
Good PR move, I guess.
Rehab is for quitters.
This chick is in serious trouble, post-rehab musicians are usually a shadow of their coked/smacked/drunk selves. See: Steven Tyler. And her high point is considerably lower than late 70’s Aerosmith.
Wow. *bows and curtsies
Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle told ABC News in an interview that the shooting “was unacceptable … and it’s something that shouldn’t happen again.”
“The buck stops with me,” Cheatle said.
But Cheatle said she would not resign over the incident, which is set to be investigated by Congress.
Truman wasn’t referring to his paycheck when he said that.
For many years now, taking responsibility seems to amount to saying “I take responsibility.”
The lack of resignations suggests (as I think we all know) that these apparatchiks are in it for the power not the money. She spent 24 years with the USSS, then 3 years running Pepsi’s Global Security, then back to the SS. So, I can’t imagine she needs the cash.
I heard a barracks legend about a unit that laid their 155mm howitzers in the wrong direction and ended up sending a barrage into a Walmart parking lot. As the story goes, everyone in a leadership position between the gun chiefs and the battalion commander was relieved for cause (being relieved for cause means that your next leadership opportunity will be in front of the grill at McDonald’s). This sort of thing happened quite often in both just and unjust circumstances.
If there was ever a justified reason for everyone within spitting range of this mess to be doing the duffle bag drag, this is it.
She needs her thirty years and her high-five for her government retirement. At least it’s 30 years for federal civilian retirement (LEOs retire earlier). High-five is your five highest years of government service, and used to calculate your pension.
She’s blaming no snipers on that roof on the slope…the fucking slope is less than what the ss snipers are on.
Don Adams delivered more credible excuses.
I was in the 55/45 involvement over incompetence camp this morning.
After hearing that ridiculous statement I moved a long ways toward the bitch ordered the fucking hit.
And the incompetence is in fucking up the hit.
You don’t even need snipers there. A couple of guys in lawn chairs would have been enough.
It’s clear she thought the slope could kill.
Not realizing that the shooter wasn’t Asian.
That sounds like AAPI hate.
Appropos
*9-Hole Reviews enters the chat*
There is a meme that says SB missed because Matt never zeros anything.
Not realizing that the shooter wasn’t Asian.
+1 horizontally narrowed gaze
Fuck. With H&H I spent all day yesterday thinking it was Wednesday. Now, Cracky – a second Wednesday!
We are indeed blessed here.
Three hump days in a row.
Untz, untz, untz…
As any surfer will tell you, the third hump in the set is always the big one.
The week of Wednesdays! Don’t stop tomorrow, SF!
Bobarian, it’s been a long time since I could do three humps in a set. A long time . . . .
What a great surprise. These extended universe episodes are like the Marvel Comics heyday in the 80’s.
“It’s just a stutter,” Hunter and Kamala said reflexively. Dark Cracky laughed.”
My favorite line.
Concur
Eye popping
But as of Saturday, Musk is now publicly endorsing Trump’s presidential reelection bid. And the Wall Street Journal, citing people familiar with the matter, reported Monday that Musk is now planning on supporting Trump’s presidential campaign by committing $45 million a month to a new super PAC backing the former president.
The donations, if they come to pass, are a significant development in not only the presidential campaign, but also the relationship between the two men, who both have fervent support among millions of fans who stand ready to believe most anything they say.
Musk seems to have a reputation for aggressive cost cutting. Does anybody really think he’s going to throw a million and a half dollars per day at some political action committee, no matter whose it is?
Like the ignorant automatons they are.
“One wants to move away from fossil fuels and convert all car sales worldwide to electric vehicles. The other believes EVs will be an economic disaster”. Not quite. Banning gas engines would be a disaster. If someone wants to buy an EV, go for it. I guess proper phrasing is too difficult for CNN.
About 2 hours ago, I emailed files on my ordeal to James O’Keefe via this site: https://publicuploads.portal.massive.io/
I don’t have high hopes, but I prefer action over sulking. I’ll be on the road for the next few days. That will help ease my mind.
I appreciate SF’s shout-out to VA psych ward patients. Been there, done that. Well, actually it was an Army psych ward.
re: Hillbilly Elegy
Moments after the announcement yesterday:
Best Sellers Rank: #2,227 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
#2 in Sociology of Rural Areas
#18 in U.S. State & Local History
#91 in Memoirs (Books)
Currently:
Best Sellers Rank: #2 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
#2 in Sociology of Rural Areas
#3 in U.S. State & Local History
#4 in Memoirs (Books)
Nice little bump for J.D. He’ll be looking at a fat royalty check this quarter.
I should have refreshed the page; right this moment:
Best Sellers Rank: #1 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
#1 in U.S. State & Local History
#1 in Memoirs (Books)
#1 in Sociology of Class
Just as I got intrigued by #1 in Sociology of Rural Areas.
3 of the top 4 have to do with Hillbilly Elegy
https://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/digital-text/157520011/ref=pd_zg_hrsr_digital-text
To add to that, Hillbilly Elegy is on Netflix, and it’s #6 in movies today.
I’m about 5 months younger than Vance and grew up in rural WV. As I read his autobiography in 2018, every few pages I was nodding and saying to myself “yep, been there, done that.”
He’s a decent if unremarkable man.
While Musk is right that some of the industries he criticizes, specifically coal and oil, receive their own massive government subsidies, his tweet doesn’t acknowledge that much of his wealth has come from government support of Tesla and SpaceX, one of his other companies that depends upon government contracts to operate.
I could be wrong, but I was under the impression the government “support” for SpaceX comes in the form of fee for service contracts. Not exactly the same as subsidies. Subsidies for EVs which benefit Tesla are a different story.
And Musk didn’t design the EV subsidies, he just took advantage of them (and even more so the California Carbon Offset).
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Here’s an idea, the left – stop subsidizing EVs.
The Left labels anything that comes from the G’ment as a subsidy: paycheck, welfare check, pension, payment, etc.
I think that’s a fair statement, but what are the alternatives to SpaceX at the moment? Boeing?
“While Musk is right that some of the industries he criticizes, specifically coal and oil, receive their own massive government subsidies,”
I keep hearing this, and I keep not hearing what these subsidies are.
The closest I have heard has to do with the depletion allowance they can take as a tax deduction, on account of they are literally depleting their assets when they pump oil. I suppose that’s a way of shifting a potential capital loss in the future onto your income for today, which could definitely be argued about. I’m trying to think of any other tax deduction that is called a subsidy, and nothing comes to mind.
The “subsidies” for the oil and gas are vaporware. It is just a talking point, and when pressed they will refer to a subsidy that any business is eligible for: tax cuts for minority workers, incentives to develop in certain areas, and so on.
The “subsidy” often comes down to allowing them to operate their business without interference.
Those billion dollar offshore oil rigs have the same depreciation schedule as any other piece of equipment.
But energy companies are bad, m’kay, so we’re going to label those tax deductions as “subsidies” so as to fool the low-information types.
Yeah, I don’t think our friends on the left want too much scrutiny of “companies that depend upon government contracts to operate”, since that includes the whole NGO complex.
Uffda. Et tu MinneSomalians?
This story ran in the local POC newpaper. So if they are printing shit like this, things are not looking good.
I’m not 100% sure I’d be thrilled to “win” the Somali immigrant vote here in Minnesoda if I was the GOP. Given the amount of fraud that they seem to be involved in, I might keep them at arms length.
“Given the amount of fraud that they seem to be involved in, I might keep them at arms length.”
Maybe the GOP could beat the Dems at their own game.
7 million Somali votes in MN?
Given recent events, I think this post from my blog is appropriate:
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2014/03/is-secret-service-worthless.html
There is no way Trump is riding around in a Popemobile.
Well, they do allude that he is the anti-pope.
Correct. It would be a Trumpmobile.
wiki sez
***
The presidential state car is a limousine called Cadillac One or The Beast which is operated by the Secret Service. There are at least ten limousines. There is also a bus unofficially called Ground Force One officially called Stagecoach, while the president is aboard, which is operated by the Secret Service.
***
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transportation_of_the_president_of_the_United_States
Given all the advancements in technology, there is very little reason for the president to travel much or even live in DC. Alas, many gubmint jobs depend on such things.
Jay Leno looks at The Beast.
You all know what happens tomorrow, right? Hunter banging Jill while they plot the next campaign move.
The worst example of step-mom pron ever!
It’s a mash up of step-mom and doctor visit genres.
Really amp up the game and maybe have her stuck under the bed
Dear.
God.
Talk about clashing fashions.
Nice little bump for J.D. He’ll be looking at a fat royalty check this quarter.
Muh emoluments clause!
You all know what happens tomorrow, right? Hunter banging Jill while they plot the next campaign move.
Pillow talk conspirators.
I don’t know
enoughanything about that building, but if there were people inside, wouldn’t they have heard somebody clomping around on the roof?Probably not over the clinking of glasses and chitchat.
“Knock it off up there! I can’t even hear myself think. Some people, so rude.”
👏 Golf 👏 Clap 👏
Visit with bro went swimmingly. His wife apparently had all the family photos to be scanned and he brought them back and my mom didn’t want them so I brought them home with me. Pix incoming. Anyway, we had a good visit over old family photos.
Huzzah!
Here’s an idea, the left – stop subsidizing EVs.
And let our roads be taken over by cheap utilitarian Chinese people movers instead of luxurious electric monsters capable of 0-60mph acceleration in less than 3 seconds? That’s crazy.
Unelected judges! Trampling Our Democracy!!
You know who else wasn’t considered “legally autonomous members of the political community at the founding” of the state?
I’m sort of sad that argument didn’t work. Think of using the precedent to start stripping away rights for women, native americans and blacks.
Weirdly, though, 17 years and up was and still is recognized under federal law as part of the militia. Only males (whatever that means these days), though. I would have liked to see them thread the needle of “member of the militia” but not covered by an amendment that starts, “a well regulated Militia”.
And you know what? Even after this decision, 17 year olds are members of the militia, but not protected by the 2A.
And strike down federal handgun sales ban for 18-20 year olds.
The Sloped roof they fear.
remove that last quotation mark
Fine…
https://sfo3.digitaloceanspaces.com/offload-wp-files/2020/06/roof-koreans-civilians-defended-koreatown-racist-violence-la-riots-1992-hero.jpg
This sloped roof.
Sigh. I’m tired of grifters pretending to be grass roots organizations. East Phillips Neighborhood Institute (EPNI) is a supposed group of concerned citizens who are trying to buy some land from the city.
Turns out they are terrible grifters. They can’t even get the govt to give them all the money they need to buy that land.
This happens over and over. Some group swears that the city needs to stop tearing down a building or developing some property. The further swear that the people are so against this that they will voluntarily contribute to a fund that will be used to buy the property/building. All they need is for the developer to stop and give them time.
Fast forward a couple years and nothing has happened. No money has been raised and the property/building has gotten worse. So the govt steps in and gives the group all the money they need. I think that many times the developer leans on the govt too. He wants to get paid.
“Ashley, where are you, my dirty, dirty girl?”
I heard that in a Dark Brandon voice.
Guilt by association
A Texas YouTuber who runs a popular gun enthusiast channel is distancing himself from the gunman who opened fire on former President Donald Trump during a rally Saturday in western Pennsylvania.
Photos verified by NBC News showed the shooter, identified by law enforcement as Thomas Matthew Crooks, wearing a Demolition Ranch shirt on the day of the shooting. The images began circulating after Crooks, 20, of Bethel Park, was killed by at least one Secret Service sharpshooter.
In a nearly six-minute-long video Monday, Matt Carriker, who runs the YouTube channel Demolition Ranch, said: “We were shocked and confused to find this out. The shooter who tried to assassinate Trump was wearing merch from my channel, wearing a Demolition Ranch T-shirt. And that sucked to see that.”
youtube bans gun channels in three, two…
I thought they banned them previously. Too much revenue there to try it again. All of them would just go elsewhere now, too. Rumble, etc…
Off the top of my head, I can’t think of any gun youtube channels banned.
I can think of individual videos which were either removed (reloading videos by British Muzzleloaders) or demonetized (some Candrsenal videos on machine guns).
The YouTuber, who has more than 11 million subscribers, said it is impossible to vet everyone who purchases one of his shirts, explaining that they are made in his hometown and are shipped all over the world. The shirts sell for about $30.
“I wish I could. I would love to keep people like that from buying, wearing, being associated with that article of clothing. I wish he couldn’t get a shirt, but it happened,” he said, adding, “To see my name next to the shooter’s name, ugh it sucks. And I wish I could keep that from happening.”
Speaking of groveling simps.
Yeah, I would be super upset if I couldn’t sell something for $30 anymore. Especially since it costs me less than $5 in materials and printing.
“The Secret Service found him wandering around the Pennsylvania Avenue Sbarro’s,” Hunter admitted. “Dr. Jill Stepmommy said it was to be expected.”
The little details once again. Thanks, SF. I needed some more Dark Cracky in my world today.
“Gotta get me a slice of NY!”
The dirty dirty girl thing got me. I can hear him saying that.
OT: Nothing I ever want or need is on sale for Prime Day. Back to eBay for my browsing needs. That is all.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0185PU38A
I ordered a bottle of this to try out. It was on sale.
That’s what I use. From what I can tell, it’s got a better UV protectant (which counts in AZ). It’s also not super glossy (which is a plus). You do need to wipe it right off, though.
Seems like good stuff.
I’ve been using 303 on my track car (and now my daily driver) for years. I really like it.
Purchased. Thanks!
Also user of 303 for a number of years. I like it.
The Travelpro suitcase I’ve been eyeing for the wife had a little bit off, so I grabbed it.
And the upgraded version of the ThruNite flashlight I really like was 25% off, so I grabbed that too:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0CTCDPXFY
I can always use another flashlight, right?
Always.
I gave one of those as a gift in 2021. It was well received.
https://www.amazon.com/THRUNITE-Catapult-Rechargeable-Flashlight-Searchlight/dp/B08V4WW9JQ/
The catapults are fantastic. I have two. One for each vehicle. Also on sale.
I’m a fan. My TravelPro carry on weighs nothing and is tough as hell. I’m pretty sure I got it during this sale, too
I bought this a while back.
Screaming deal now:
https://www.amazon.com/Weego-Portable-Patented-Cranking-N70/dp/B09LJ1T1GN?ref_=ast_sto_dp&th=1
Eh, made in China.
Uh. Which?
The flashlights. The little one, at least. The big one doesn’t say, but I would be very surprised if it wasn’t as well.
Picked up a couple of movies that fell into my impulse purchase range, as well as the series Soap for the girlfriend (it was under $15).
While I’m thinking of bizarre and obscure older things, have you ever heard of The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T?
Absolutely!
I was about to challenge you to watch some Krofft Super Show with the Bay City Rollers, speaking of totally obscure. I challenged CPRM instead, and he ignored me, as usual.
BTW, “Suck” finally made it to Tubi.
While I’m thinking of bizarre and obscure older things, have you ever heard of The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T?
I pity the fool who hasn’t heard of it.
For bizarre and obscure, I recently watched the Hammer sci-fi (yes, they made one) film Moon Zero Two. Not terribly good, although it has a bit of a Space: 1999 vibe to it.
Also, I’d like TCM to run Zombies on Broadway again.
https://x.com/RealMattCouch/status/1813313150068072522
So good.
The guy looks and talks exactly like one of my former neighbors
I guess Jack Black got his ass handed to him. Read the whole thread.
Stupid Game? Meet Stupid Prizes! Wowza. Well, ya learn to perform to the crowd you’ve got. I bet they roared right along with it all. A reply covers it (fairly) well. I don’t know how his influence/affluence is goin’:
“So no… Jack Blacks heart didn’t magically grow 3 sizes that day. He didn’t have any self reflection. He didn’t suddenly have a moral compass.
He got his tour cancelled. He lost money. Won’t be getting on stage high on the good weed and shrooms and jamming with his buddies for millions of dollars and fans fanning his ago. “