Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20A | 20B | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25-26 | 27 | 28-29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35-36 | 37 | 38A | 38B | 38C | 38D | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42-43 | 44-45 | 46 | 47 | 48-49A | 49B | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57A | 57B | 58-59| 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68-69 | 70A | 70B | 71A | 71B | 72 | 73 | 74A | 74B | 75 | 76-77A | 77B | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | 82 | 83 | 84 | 85-87 | 88A | 88B | 89 | 90 | 91 | 92 | 93 | 94A | 94B | 95
PART IV
IN THE DAY OF BATTLE
96
THE SOUND OF Trey in the bathroom dragged Marina out of a deep sleep. She looked at the clock. Two. The gun was still there. The bedroom door was open and Susanna was in her own room cooing to herself. Marina feigned sleep when Trey tiptoed past their bedroom to Susanna’s. The baby squealed happily at her daddy, and her daddy murmured at her. Marina felt Trey’s presence at the bedroom door and heard the door whisper closed right before Susanna said, “Mama” and Trey said, “Shh.” He said something else, but Marina couldn’t hear it through the door.
Marina’s eyes were red and stinging. She wasn’t sure what to think or do after last night.
But the gun was still there.
While Marina hadn’t reveled in the beating Trey gave Mother, particularly using a knife to carve out the gash on her arm, she’d felt vindicated. She hadn’t even needed an apology from Mother because she was free and safe from her. In those minutes, she understood Trey, understood the men he was surrounded by, in ways she couldn’t have otherwise, in ways good Reverend Scarritt, charlatan, fraud, didn’t. Father had played with fire, taunting and baiting Trey the way he had, after taunting Boss Tom the same way. How he thought he could get away with that without retribution, she didn’t know.
Perhaps it was because of all the horrid things she knew Trey had done, the explanations he gave her, she always had faith that Trey had a good reason for what he did. She understood now, after thinking about that night Trey first came to church, how Father had treated him, the undercurrents running between them, that Father wanted to make sure Trey knew he was the top dog, the way he made the husbands of his women feel, simply because Trey was a male who had wandered into Father’s sphere.
She caught a glimpse of the book she was reading for the third time and reached for it, thumbing through it to the last story. Lad, the old dog in the story, had a son, Wolf, and when Lad was too old to be the dominant dog at The Place, Wolf had attempted to take over. It hadn’t worked in the story, but no doubt in real life, Lad had eventually fallen to Wolf’s teeth or simply ceded The Place to his son.
People were animals and men operated no differently than dogs.
A pack’s top dog would kill another dog—male or female—to protect and avenge his mate. At the very least, he’d make sure the lesser dog got sent away with its tail between its legs. As for Ethel … Marina thought she might understand all the nasty things whirling within her breast, but she didn’t think it mattered anymore.
It doesn’t matter.
It matters.
Why does it matter?
Marina blinked.
Forgiveness. Grace. Mercy.
… forgiveness should be the easiest thing in the world …
Why has an expiration date.
Marina had to understand to forgive. That wasn’t what the Bible taught, but that was Marina’s failing—which didn’t matter to her.
She sighed and arose as the sun was bearing through the thick navy drapes now. She bathed and wrapped herself once again because she didn’t feel like dressing, even though she knew she should go see Ethel first. She walked down the stairs silently toward the kitchen where a low male voice said funny things to a happy baby.
“Dada! Dada!”
“Yeah, here’s a cookie. Want some milk?”
Susanna squealed.
“Aw, shit, Button. Careful now, willya?”
Dot was gone.
Marina stopped in the doorway and saw Trey wiping the floor of spilled milk, Susanna above him in her baby chair, thumping on his head with her spoon. He stood and reached across the table to grab another few cookies and put them on her tray. He was moving slowly, like an old man. Susanna picked up a cookie and threw it at him. He just gave her a side-eye and picked it up.
“Dada!” she demanded, her little fist opening and closing for him to give it back to her.
“Neh, I ain’t doin’at,” he said gruffly.
“Dada! Mmfph. Mmfph!”
He slowly leaned down until his nose was almost touching hers and waggled the cookie between them. She grabbed for it, but he shoved it in his mouth.
She squealed with laughter, but tried to pry it out of his mouth with her stubby little fingers, then fussed when she couldn’t get it back. He chewed and swallowed. “You throw shit at me, you don’t get it back. That’s your lesson for today.”
“Dada!”
“Dada’s gotta get to work,” he muttered, dropping himself wearily in a kitchen chair in front of his breakfast. “You eat those now before your mama finds out the only thing I gave you for breakfast was cookies and cuts my balls off.”
“Mama!”
“Shush,” he said, picking up his newspaper and popping it open. “Mama’s asleep.”
But Susanna had seen her. “Mama!” she squealed, leaning far to her right, holding her hands out, her hands still grasping. Always grasping. Like Marina and Trey, always grasping for something they couldn’t get.
Trey still didn’t know Marina was there. She watched him, barely twenty-six, weary, frightened by Boss Tom and Lazia, other bad men who thought they could get a piece of Trey, tending his baby girl with gruff, clumsy tenderness that sent tendrils of unwelcome happiness through Marina’s chest.
“I’m going to go see Ethel today,” she said.
He jumped and turned. “Marina. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.”
“Mama!”
Marina stepped to the high chair and kissed the baby’s nose, then gave her Eskimo kisses until she started babbling, picking up her cookies to show Marina. “Mm hmm. Yes, I see. Daddy’s funny, huh, giving you cookies for breakfast? You spilled your milk. Why do I think you don’t care?”
Marina left the baby to an urgent inspection of her cookies and went to the cupboard to find something to eat, but there was nothing Marina wanted, even though she was hungry.
She got a glass of milk and some macaroons and took them to the table. She looked at the package of oatmeal raisin cookies. What was the difference between that and hot oatmeal porridge, really?
Trey was watching her warily. “Y’a’ight?”
Marina shrugged.
“Want me to leave?”
Marina shrugged again. “I—” I what? “I’m going to pay Ethel’s hospital bills and then I’m going to get her a little place of her own. Provide for her so she doesn’t have to work if she doesn’t want to.” Marina barked a harsh laugh. “Who’d want to? She nearly vomited last night, sending that gentleman home.”
Trey said nothing.
“I’m not going to tell you where that is.”
Trey flushed a little, but only nodded. “You can believe this or not, but I’ll never do that to you.”
She was pretty sure that was true, but she only said, “Good. Because I’ll kill you if you do.”
“Whatcha want me to do, Marina?” he asked quietly. “Move into the speak? Sleep on the divan in the parlor? Jump in the river? Tell me. I’ll do it.”
She scrunched her face up in thought and nibbled on a macaroon. “It’s not what I want you to do. It’s what I want you to not do, and I don’t know those until you do them. Ethel—” She waved a hand in the general direction of the hospital. “You and I have discussed it. I understand how you see the situation. You understand how I see the situation. We don’t agree. I don’t know whether you’re ashamed because you beat her or because I saw you do it or … what. I don’t know. But you’re ashamed and … that’s enough.”
He blinked. “Why?” he asked suspiciously.
“You were pure evil last night,” she said flatly. His eyelids shuttered. “But an evil man wouldn’t feel shame the next day.”
He curled his lip. “I know cats go bust up places, bustin’ up their women, then come back cryin’ in the mornin’, all shamed and whatnot. The women take ’em back. Every time. Shame don’t mean it won’t happen the next time they get blind drunk.”
She looked at him steadily, into those ice blue eyes that could glitter with rage or twinkle with humor, and asked calmly, “Is it going to happen again?”
He stared back at her speculatively, his mouth twisting. “I tell you what, Sugga,” he said low, almost threateningly. “The next time you want some dirty work done, you tell me and I’ll do it, an’ we can both wallow in the mornin’-after shame.”
She almost smiled. “You yanked me into this world, Trey,” she reminded him softly. “Don’t tell me I’m a hypocrite because I ask you to protect me from the monsters you dropped me in the middle of, and you’re one of them.”
He rolled his eyes and muttered, “You damn near murdered me last night. You don’t need nobody to protect you no more.” Then he smiled wryly and scraped his chair back. “’Mere.”
She didn’t know why this man, this awful, awful man, could make her do the most awful things when she knew better, but it was just another part of the insane asylum her life had become, as tetched as she was. She accepted his invitation to sit on his lap and let him caress her silk-covered arm and her cheek. He pressed his mouth to her other cheek and whispered, “Lord, you smell good.”
Her eyes drifted closed when he stroked her cheek lightly and pulled her tighter into his body.
Marina knew where Trey wanted to take this and she was tempted to allow him to lead her there, but there was a very happy baby in her high chair knocking her cookies around and mashing her face with them, who would very soon not be happy with just soggy cookies.
“I don’t need you to love me, Marina,” he said quietly. “I would like the chance to regain your trust.”
“How?” she asked weakly. “How am I supposed to trust you?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll tell you what. I’ve given you enough information to get me killed, and I do not regret that one bit. I trust you more’n everybody else put together.”
She looked at him warily, but he stared back at her, his ice blue eyes flat, his mouth tired and sad. “Why? I have every reason in the world to say something to Boss Tom.”
“You won’t because if you ever wanna put me in the ground, you’ll do it your own self, an’ it won’t have nothin’ to do with what you know. You got cash, a car, and a gun. I ain’t takin’ that away from you, so what’s ’at say?”
She bit her lip. “I really would’ve killed you last night.”
“I know. An’ I’m so fuckin’ proud of you for that, I could pop.”
96
If you don’t want to wait 2 years to get to the end, you can buy it here.
Donations can be made here, if you so desire
Hmm, doesn’t sound like the straight and narrow is ever going to be their path.
Still waiting for that date…
“Why” is the hardest question.
My husband would say my “why”s don’t expire at all, though, so …
Often I write to work things out in my mind.
Where you at, motherfuckers?
Northern Minnesoda.
Yah sure, you betcha.
If you, Jimbo 4×20, and Tundra joined the zoom right now, it would be quintuple Minnesota night!
I’m a creature of habit, go to bed early, get up early. I’m yawning right now but need to stay awake another hour. Too much fresh air today. Cool today, in the 60s.
A little bunny has found his/her way into my garden and decided to share it. I’m rather selfish that way, put out a live trap which I hope will turn in to a death trap for Peter. I’ll set up a gamecam to see what other critters lurk.
I don’t want you people to interfere with my drinking thank you very much.
Fuck all y’all, except Mojeaux
I’m just gonna go ahead and break my cardinal rule and drink alone, then.
UR in good company.
I would jump on but I would be horrible company. I’m gonna head across the street and help my neighbor replace the struts in his daughter’s car.
When I want to seriously drink, I do it alone.
If you drink enough, the puking can start without you though.
I’m not sure what to make of this part.
I have to think everything is going to work out in time. Some things can’t be reconciled but I believe Trey does want to move on, for a moment Marina almost caved. It’s going to take her a little longer but visiting Ethel will be good therapy.
The baby plays an important role at this point, both of her parents recognize that the child needs a Mama and a Dada.
Correct.
The baby plays an important role at this point, both of her parents recognize that the child needs a Mama and a Dada.
Oh. I see. Thanks!
LOL
For Tundra fro ded thred. Brother Brother Brother. And laser. Except for photo printing, I would never buy an inkjet again. Love never having a page bleed ink when it gets wet. Nice crisp B&W.
Our last Brother laser is now at my office as the fax machine replacement and personal printer. We replaced at home with a Brother laser with duplexer about ~5-6 years ago. Otherwise would have kept the original. Both just get fed toner and paper and chug along.
I recently switched our business to brother based on recommendations here.
We don’t print a ton, but it was nice to have a product that wasn’t always trying to make itself malfunction (hp). Much nicer experience.
Zoom link:
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/87821224358?pwd=eW55MTRDbDNtQkh2aHd3M1Nmenlzdz09
https://youtu.be/Tq01f7pbzCc
Haven’t been watching the Olympics ever since Mary Lou Retton took the gold and now I see that a dude is the women’s welterweight boxing gold medalist:
https://www.zerohedge.com/political/million-dollar-ba-boy-genetic-male-wins-gold-womens-olympic-boxing
Oooh baby baby it’s a wild world…
No one has seen him in a shower room?
Stopped clock. Women’s boxing shouldn’t be a thing.
My gut agrees with you Gustave. Violence and women/children is kind of a thing for me. They dont mix.
Yet my principles tell me ‘If you girls want to go at it who am I to stop you?’ or as is so often said around these parts ‘I am not your supervisor but I am your friend and I cant overemphasize how much I recommend that you not do that.’
Hmmm…get punched in the face or have a fish fry and some music? Sometimes choices are so hard.
Poured coffee and turned the news on. I just caught this bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8aK8Mo5fbs
Same old shit….
Good stuff, Mo!
Let’s kick it up a notch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5icfCGXggc
Thanks! You’re almost never here. I didn’t know you were following along. Nice to see you!
I just now joined the zoom but technical difficulties. I could hear and see them, but they could not hear me.
seemed like it was about wrapping up anyway
I left the Zoom earlier because of an impromptu heart-to-heart with my girl.
and to be honest, I haven’t been keeping up with this, but I have read a few of them and its very intriguing. My wife is a voracious reader. I will definitely turn her on to this. I think she’d love it.
Well, I mean, point her here: https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/
She has the Amazon subscription thing. I assume she can find you there?
Yes and they’re all on Kindle Unlimited.
she’s long past gone to bed, so I just emailed that link to her so we don’t have to rely on my remembering. LOL.
here’s a gem for the morning crowd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyDJIdh278I&list=RDGMEMJQXQAmqrnmK1SEjY_rKBGA&index=8
Good night, and good morning, Glibs
no, wait. this is the gem for the morning crowd. What a cool fuckin tune. I need it so bad!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2hxU4UG3dA
Fuck. The dogs have learned to start fire too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/1em72lc/dog_chews_on_liion_battery_causing_house_fire/
Wow.
Not sure what the real time was for that, but kind of interesting to see the dog just watching as the whole house is about to burn down.
*This is fine*
All the babies in the house are sleeping, but I don’t have access to any entertainment but this phone, and no headphones. All the productive things I want to do will wake everyone up.
Sigh.
Should probably work out, that can be quiet.
I’m awake, I just don’t have anything to say at the moment.
I also don’t want to be productive.
Trying to find a particular type of cable, I’m going to be honest, I’d never have come up with “Banana Plug Alligator Clip” as the search term.
I could use a few of these for my DMM.
I made my own for many years for curve tracer leads using small and large alligator clips.
The cables that came with my bench power supply were too short and had screw-down leads for the power supply end. Since the connector on the unit also suppoerts what I now know is called a banana plug, I figured I’d get some longer leads so I have better options for placing the unit.
I also have a bunch of plugs for my speakers and audio power connections. They are relatively cheap. With a good roll of wire you can craft your own lengths for little to no cost.
Have you seen my solder work?
They are non soldered. Screw connectors.
https://a.co/d/eeoFbW8
Good morning Gliberatti
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8BuPm_5Kpqk
Good morning to the early crowd!
🌞☕⛅
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dKDb4uaavXc
🎶🎶
*classroom singsong antiphon*
Morning, Mister Sean.
Good morning all. Off to Wally World.
Good morning! The diner has the college breakfast sandwich today– sausage, egg, cheese and Doritos on a bagel.
Why the Doritos?
Man those would be better on the side. Chips on a hoagie however is a fine option.
The old pork roll egg and cheese on a Amoroso roll is still one of my favorite breakfast sandwiches
Good morning, NA, U, ‘loosey, Sean, and (somewhere working out) TAFKALack!
It’s only 59 degrees here at Tranq Base, so I felt it prudent to put on a hoodie.
Good morning all. I’m headed to bed but I’ll be with you in spirit.
Good morning and…good night?…ContraP!
Living up to your name I see.