Saturday Morning Fin d’Ete Links

by | Aug 31, 2024 | Daily Links | 119 comments

Doesn’t that sound classier than “fuck, school started again?” And I am even seeing a few leaves turning colors. I welcome the impending cooler weather, but will be sad to see the disappearance of the fabulous summer produce and to see the girls put away the T&A and legs until next June. With the end of summer, there’s an influx of new students, so I have quite a bit more brain-breaking ahead of me.

On the romantic front, things are moving along with (To Be Nicknamed Later). I’m still anxious to have her meet SugarFree to gauge her tolerance and sense of horror. So far, she’s appalled at my voting choices almost as much as she’s disturbed at my physical peculiarities, but otherwise, we’re cool and having some geriatric funtimes.

Speaking of horror, there are birthdays today including the subject of a movie so bad that naked hot women couldn’t rescue it; a guy whose work resonated with me; a woman who ruined many generations of kids; a guy who gave me one of the best years of my life; the original and quintessential media phony; a serious writer best known for comedy; possibly the very funniest and filthiest of the old school Jewish comics; the late president of Wakanda; the greatest baseball player I ever saw; the inspiration for Lemmiwinks; a DA who was even more incompetent than Kamala; a girl I tried hard to bang but just couldn’t quite manage; and a professional leech and shithead Jew-hater.

We could, if we want to, do Links at this point. Yes, yes we shall.

Perfect way to please no-one.

She really only has the one thing to say (“Jews need to die”) but has gotten many years of deluxe grift out of it.

As much as I mock the little green haired shits who fill our classes at Oberlin East, at least they aren’t doing this sort of shit.

If you’re worried about exposure to 5G, here’s Double Cancer for you.

“The undermining of democratic values” because they’re winning votes. Got it.

In other news, Jimmy Carter and Leonid Brezhnev’s nephew have agreed to an arms limitation pact.

Because Team Blue is the party of freedom and choice!

It’s been a while since I posted a song by this adorable girl. So… here we go. It takes courage to cover a Bela Fleck song, and it takes talent to do it well. And even more talent to put your own stamp on it. Great clawhammer banjo pleases the Old Guy.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

119 Comments

  1. Pat

    the subject of a movie so bad that naked hot women couldn’t rescue it

    Happy birthday Elizabeth Berkley?

    • Pat

      a woman who ruined many generations of kids

      Happy birthday Margaret Sanger?

    • Ted S.

      I was thinking of Blake Edwards’ SOB.

  2. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    TBD. To Be Determined (as I am sure you know). TEEB for short.

    • Sean

      “NYT”

      Not young tang.

  3. Sean

    “Adam Swart, founder and CEO of Crowds on Demand, an organization that helps causes with marketing and protest organization”

    AYFKM?

  4. Pat

    Imagine a world where you could download an entire season of your favorite show in seconds or where virtual reality feels as real as, well, reality. This is what scientists believe terahertz technology can potentially bring to the world.

    Been hearing the same shit since LTE, and my 5G phone still achieves exponentially worse throughput than my old fashioned 300 Mbps home cable service.

    • R.J.

      I figured as much. I did not try the 5G home internet because speeds could not possibly rival cable or fiber.

    • cavalier973

      And we still don’t have hoverboards

      • Ted S.

        My hoverboard is full of eels. 🙁

    • Rat on a train

      You have to wait for exahertz technology, which will actually give you cancer.

  5. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    The problem with calling anything German that you dislike “Nazi” in any way is that, eventually they don’t care. Which is what we have here today. I read somewhere that the current youth in the country consider it their grandparents war, and don’t think to much about WWII at this point. Which kinda negates the whole thing in their eyes.

    In other words, a bunch of people held too long to the grift, and the mark isn’t buying anymore.

    • rhywun

      the grift

      Such as calling national socialists the “far right”?

      Watching world media freak out that people are fed up with the experiments you’ve been foisting on them the last few decades is something else.

    • Gustave Lytton

      For youth, it would be their great grandparents , no?

      • Fourscore

        At least, since I’m a GGP and I hardly remember WW2

    • Drake

      This. “They hate me, and they hate NAZIS, maybe that guy with the little moustache was right.”

      This movie was a spoof. The reaction of people on the street wasn’t.
      https://youtu.be/Ic_vWmvjsyw

  6. cavalier973

    a girl I tried hard to bang but just couldn’t quite manage

    Only in your dreams, eh?

    • Old Man With Candy

      Sadly, I got rebuffed IRL.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I’m sure it was antisemitism.

      • cavalier973

        You offered the wrong candy, probably

        Go with Mike and Ike, always

  7. Pat

    State lawmakers on Thursday voted to prohibit California schools from serving food additives used in Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, Twinkies and other fluorescent snacks.

    I like how we just seamlessly moved to government schools as the primary provider of childhood nutrition. When I was a kid, our private school only did “hot lunch” once a week; otherwise we had to bring something from home. And the hot lunch usually sucked ass, so if you were smart, you’d brown bag it anyway. My public school attending friends mostly brought food from home as well. By the time I graduated high school something like 65% of the kids in our local school district were on the discounted lunch program, which later expanded into breakfast as well. Nothing like forking over in property taxes what your grandparents monthly for their entire mortgage so that every lazy shitstain in the county can have somebody else take responsibility for feeding their crotch goblins. And look at what amazing results we’ve achieved: childhood obesity went from high single digits when I was in school to over 50% now.

    • Sean

      “crotch goblins”

      😂😂

      • Tres Cool

        +1 Pillow Pants

      • Rat on a train

        PM4L

    • The Gunslinger

      I had private Christian school privilege as an elementary student. Sometimes on Wednesday some moms would come in and make bbq sandwiches that you could buy. Every other day mom packed us a lunch.

      • Timeloose

        My school lunches were serviceable. I brought my lunch most days until HS. At some point I got tired of the semi melted cheese and warm meats from a brown bag sandwich.

        Also HS lunch was $.75.

      • Ted S.

        Sandwich for me most days until senior year, which is when the cafeteria started offering some a la carte options. I had coffee and a muffin a lot that year.

      • creech

        Hell, I had to walk 5 miles to school and obtain lunch from whatever game I could kill on the way. If you couldn’t nail that rabbit or pheasant, then the school marm would allow you to pick a hardtack out of the cracker barrel. And no pawing Sallie’s tits behind the Outhouse during recess.

    • slumbrew

      It’s a repeated rant by Carolla – if feeding your own kids is too much for you at this point in your life, you definitely should not be having kids.

      We brown-bagged it through the vast majority of school.

    • rhywun

      In Germany school is out at 1 and you are expected to feed your spawn at home.

      There is a vending machine with milk and fruit for the small break around 10am.

  8. Timeloose

    Good morning Old Man. I continue to enjoy the weekend posts and links in the morning.

    I hope all Glibs and their brood have a wonderful Holiday weekend.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Grazie! It’s sort of a fun break from the drudgery of my week.

  9. Timeloose

    I can’t tell from the pop tech article, but the Terahertz wave chip sounds like it contains meta material filtering. That would make sense based on the wavelengths being between ~100-1000um.

  10. Timeloose

    “ things are moving along with (To Be Nicknamed Later).”

    No traction with C-Sweetie?

    • Sean

      Focus groups were used.

  11. Grummun

    prohibit California schools from serving food additives used in Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, Twinkies and other fluorescent snacks

    In fairness, probably no one should be eating that shit. However, neither should anyone be eating the shit that our public health betters are insisting constitutes a healthy diet.

  12. Timeloose

    On this day in 1987 REM released Document. It’s one of my HS tapes that got stolen or worn out enough that I purchased multiple copies.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=559eWB93jW4

    • Fourscore

      Pedestrian keeps on walking, nonchalantly. Nothing to see here

      • Sensei

        That is NYC. And the bicyclists here are such assholes I’d be tempted to do the same.

      • R C Dean

        Dumbass on the bike absolutely ran a red light. Let’s hope the driver had a dash cam or got some witness’s names.

    • DrOtto

      When I lived in Houston, I worked at a small antique shop on a busy corner and there was always some traffic snafus occurring. One morning, while I was out sweeping, a bicyclist tried to run a stale yellow on a blind corner, it worked against her big time. The car that got the green was not waiting but was several car lengths back from the light so never slowed down and I’ve never seen anyone pitched so high in the air. Long story short, HPD tucked a ticket into the unconcious bicyclists vest as they loaded her onto the ambulance. The cop then comforted the bicyclists friend by telling her she won’t be liable for the ticket if the bicyclist doesn’t make it.

      • Sean

        Based.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The comment blaming the OP for left lane camping was *chef’s kiss*.

  13. Fourscore

    Nice fall pictures, OM. I’m guessing Alfred?

    • Old Man With Candy

      They’re not my photos, but yes, Alfred. It’s pretty lovely here.

  14. Cunctator

    I have recently seen multiple instances of Nancy Pelosi being referred to as “Speaker Emeritus”. Is this a thing?

    • rhywun

      If not, it is now. “Or else,” she slurred.

  15. Grumbletarian

    The countdown for universities to develop plans on how to deal with protests on campus has ended as students move back to campus after disputes over pro-Palestinian encampments caused chaos at the end of last academic year.

    1. Have vandals and violent people arrested by the police.
    2. Determine their identity, as well as the identities of anyone violating established school policies.
    3. If they are students, expel them.
    4. Repeat as necessary.

    • R C Dean

      Also, issue trespass notices against any and all vandals, violent (for values that include blocking free movement), student or no, and enforce them.

    • creech

      Some of that is so grotesque I could get behind a program to offer tax credits to those gals wanting breast reduction surgery.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        LOL

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, “cartoonishly huge” doesn’t really jiggle my handle.

      • Pat

        What, you don’t think Kayla Lemieux is sexy?

        My penchant for the smaller chesticles is no secret, although the young woman I was recently seeing is more generously endowed than my typical taste. That having been said, green being my favorite color, I wouldn’t ask 2nd from last to vacate my bed for eating crackers.

      • creech

        Anything more than a handful is wasted, but I respect those whose mileage may vary.

  16. Derpetologist

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0mTVax2-1w

    Video of Obama at the gym

    Oh, how I laughed at the 0:56 mark when the female anchor said “I think I use heavier weights.”

    • Fourscore

      But, but, but, he’s in Poland so his weights are in Kg, not lbs, so they are heavier

  17. PieInTheSky

    The insane heat of the summer is finally winding down, though the drought is going strong with no rain in sight. Worst summer in living memory really.

    A local winemaker started picking the Merlot this week, which is normally done in October. Not that the grapes are just ripe but dehydrated. 257 g of sugar per liter of juice already

    • Old Man With Candy

      That’s crazy. The wine will be more like an Amarone.

      Warm summer here, too, and the grapes are pretty far along. It’s going to be a terrific vintage.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Killing nature

    “It’s a real paradox for me,” says John Herzer, who’s been a fly fishing guide and outfitter on western Montana rivers for 35 years. On one hand, he says, “the fishing is still really good.”

    On the other hand: “There’s just less and less water every year,” he says. “There’s no question. Absolutely less water.”

    ——-

    Pollution from cars, buildings and industry is raising global temperatures. As a result precipitation patterns are changing in Montana. Droughts are becoming more severe. Snowpacks are melting earlier.

    “The northern Rockies is actually warming at two times the rate of the global average,” says Muhlfeld. “That’s really changing our hydrology and, consequently, the water the fish live in.”

    Soon it will all be desert.

    • Pat

      Pollution from cars, buildings and industry is raising global temperatures. As a result precipitation patterns are changing in Montana. Droughts are becoming more severe. Snowpacks are melting earlier.

      None of those assertions has been established with any substantial degree of certainty individually, much less a causal connection among them. It would be equally as plausible and scientifically valid to blame the rain gods.

      • Grumbletarian

        Smowpacks are melting sooner? Fake news. The Science told us kids would no longer know what show is by 2010 or so.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      Sounds like he just wants something to bitch about. “Fishing’s great, but there must be something wrong I can complain about”

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        You ever meet a fisherman who didn’t bitch about something?

      • Fourscore

        A smart fisherman has his excu, err, explanations ready before he leaves the dock

  19. R C Dean

    Headed out to feed the birds and get the paper this morning, and had a three foot rattlesnake in my driveway. This posed a dilemma – I didn’t want to damage the driveway with a shotgun (including the .410 derringer), and I don’t like a shovel on the driveway as it can’t penetrate the ground under the snake’s “neck”, so I opted for the sledgehammer. My accuracy was unimpressive (you try controlling a sledge from the very tip of the handle), but it eventually got the job done. I’ll take the rattles after breakfast (even with his head pancaked he was still moving a little) and toss him into the wash for the buzzards. I have no idea how they do it, but the buzzards leave a complete snake skeleton behind, every rib and vertebra (and there are a lot), but for some reason eat the heads and rattles.

    • PieInTheSky

      just yoink the snake don’t kill it

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      If it is on the driveway, I would have just backed over it with the FJ.

      But RC Hammer is a good nickname.

    • Pat

      In my ongoing transformation into a bona fide local yokel, I attended our town’s rattlesnake roundup back in March. Billed as the world’s largest, although I’m not sure who exactly keeps track of such things. I’d have snickered at the sort of rednecks who would host such an event in my youth, but god help me, it was actually pretty fun. That said, they can stay the fuck away from my house. I’m not situated rurally though, so I don’t think it should be an issue.

      Also, rattlesnake doesn’t taste like chicken. Not unpleasant, but nothing you’d ever eat except for the novelty of it. All things considered, the buzzards would probably make a tastier meal.

      • DrOtto

        Are you in Lometa TX?

      • Pat

        Sweetwater.

      • DrOtto

        I think Lometa has a bone to pick with Sweetwater as far as size of rattlesnake roundups are concerned. Lometa also hosts one every March and I tried to get the family to go. They just laughed at me.

      • Pat

        Lol. This one is so large, it even got a Coors display in our local Walmart. Big doings. Ms. Texas 2023 was in attendance, in fashionable Realtree. I wouldn’t ask her to vacate my bed for eating crackers either.

    • EvilSheldon

      I suppose that just leaving it alone never crossed your mind? What, do you think it’s gonna sneak into your house and bite you in your sleep?

  20. The Late P Brooks

    A study Muhlfeld co-authored in 2022 found that more than one-third of Montana’s cold-water fisheries could be unsuitable for trout by 2080, costing the state nearly $200 million in lost revenue.

    That’s quite a crystal ball.

    • Pat

      Credit where it’s due, at least he learned from Al Gore and Paul Ehrlich and pushed his doomsday prediction out beyond his likely lifespan.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    I see from the headlines the media (or some subset thereof) are working overtime to make a big deal out of that Arlington tussle. Trump disrespects teh troopz!

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Yes, disrespects them by showing up invited.

      The should really leave this one alone, seeing how badly Biden fucked up the Afghan withdrawal.

  22. rhywun

    concerns among Republicans that Trump’s continued waffling on abortion might lose him some deeply religious voters in a tightening race

    Try to contain your glee, CNN.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      And who are they going to vote for if not Trump? Kamala, who had an abortion van outside the DNC?

      • rhywun

        Yeah, it is pretty ridiculous.

        As is “single issue” voting in general.

      • Pat

        There’s some percentage that will stay home or throw a protest vote to the Constitution Party or somesuch. Considering they’re looking to throw maybe 5,000 to 10,000 votes one direction or the other in about a dozen counties in a handful of states to decide the outcome of the race, every little bit counts.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That their intention. Disillusion and get them to stay home on Tuesday (or every other day in early voting).

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Stay at home? What do they think they are, Libertarians?

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Thousands of voters otherwise disenfranchised

    Commonwealth Court got it right: an eligible voter’s minor error of forgetting to date or misdating a ballot envelope cannot be cause for disenfranchisement,” the governor continued. ” I’ll always protect your right to a free, secure, and fair election.”

    The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Pennsylvania also praised the ruling as a victory.

    “Today’s decision is a win for voters and democracy,” the group’s executive director Mike Lee wrote in a statement. “No one should lose their vote over a simple human error that has no relevance to whether or not the ballot was received on time.”

    “This decision preserves the votes of thousands of voters who make this mistake in every election, without undemocratic, punitive enforcement by the counties,” the group added.

    This is widespread and pernicious, unlike voter fraud.

    • Ted S.

      How is this fair to the people who follow the rules properly?

      • rhywun

        LOL “fair”. Like that has anything to do with it.

    • Pat

      Commonwealth Court got it right: an eligible voter’s minor error of forgetting to date or misdating a ballot envelope cannot be cause for disenfranchisement

      It was my understanding that the postmark is what determines the validity of the date anyway. When WA state instituted all mail-in voting clear back in 2005, I don’t recall there even being a date field on the envelope. You sealed your ballot inside an envelope, on which your signature was required, and it had to be postmarked by the last valid date for counting.

      Also, wouldn’t it be nice if the IRS had the same policy?

      • Gustave Lytton

        When Oregon instituted mail in balloting, it had to be received by the elections clerk by the 8pm on Election Day. Now it’s the ridiculous postmark and the ballot trickle in as needed.

  24. rhywun

    Here at Berkely East the communist agitprop started right back up where they left off on the last day of classes. Funny how it takes a break for holidays with mummy and daddy.

    I wonder if a compliant media will continue to gaslight the country that all of this has anything to do with “Palestine”.

    • Pat

      When I was a young lad still nursing an interest in economics as a possible career choice, I was fascinated by Burning Man as a case study in spontaneous order, back when it was still relatively unorganized with a few thousand attendees, instead of East Coachella as it is now. Could still be an interesting case study in bureaucratic creep, maybe.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Or else what?

    Environmental groups, who largely back Harris, call her a “proven climate champion” who will take on Big Oil and build on Biden’s climate legacy, including policies that boost electric vehicles and limit planet-warming pollution from coal-fired power plants.

    “We won’t go back to a climate denier in the Oval Office,’’ said Lena Moffitt, executive director of Evergreen Action.

    That sounds like some sort of a threat.

    • Sean

      It is.

    • rhywun

      “Muh grift.”

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Trump has frequently criticized tough new vehicle emissions rules imposed by Biden, incorrectly calling them an electric vehicle “mandate.″ Environmental Protection Agency rules issued this spring target tailpipe emissions from cars and trucks and encourage — but do not require — sales of new EVs to meet the new standards.

    Those cars could be powered by fairy dust and hydrogen.

    • Pat

      It’s not a ban on ICE vehicles, it’s just that no ICE vehicles meet the requirement. If the greedy automakers can’t figure out some way to overcome physics, that’s their tough shit.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    One thing we’ll never run out of is moral panic

    More than the physical harm, parents and child psychologists worry about the trend’s effects on girls’ mental health — for years to come. Extensive data suggests a fixation on appearance can affect self-esteem and body image and fuel anxiety, depression and eating disorders.

    The skin care obsession offers a window into the role social media plays in the lives of today’s youth and how it shapes the ideals and insecurities of girls in particular. Girls are experiencing high levels of sadness and hopelessness. Whether social media exposure causes or simply correlates with mental health problems is up for debate. But to older teens and young adults, it’s clear: Extended time on social media has been bad for them, period.

    We must guide these poor girls onto a path of righteousness and show them their proper roles in society.

    • Pat

      The skin care obsession offers a window into the role social media plays in the lives of today’s youth and how it shapes the ideals and insecurities of girls in particular.

      I guess all those Neutrogena commercials on Nickelodeon when I was a kid must have been a figment of my imagination, since young girls were never neurotic about their appearance until Al Gore invented social media.

      • Grumbletarian

        Society never placed value on a young lady’s appearance before the invention of the internet. This is known.

    • creech

      Just don’t refer to such places as “shitholes.”

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Laboratory of democracy

    “People are looking at California as really a warning, not as like a beacon of what you should do,” said Assembly Minority Leader James Gallagher, a Republican from the Sacramento suburbs. “They’re saying this is a warning for what you shouldn’t do.”

    ——-

    But Gallagher said he thought she should respond to the in-state debate.

    “Do you think that the energy policies adopted in California, which have led to some of the highest energy costs in the nation, are good policies or bad? Would you do restrictions on domestic oil wells like we’ve done here in California? Would you do that nationwide and hurt our own domestic energy production? I think these are all very good questions for Kamala Harris; like, this is your home state.”

    You can’t let people decide what to do. You have to show them how to live. By force, if necessary.

    • creech

      In other words, as they lecture us, “democracy.”

  29. Common Tater

    “A Maryland man is accusing his local Chick-fil-A of racism after he received his to-go order with the name “Monkeys” on it.

    Marquise Vanzego went through the drive-thru in LaPlata on Aug. 23 and ordered chicken strips, fries and an iced tea/lemonade drink, he told TODAY.

    When an employee then called out an order for “Monkeys” instead of Marquise, Vanzego – who is Black – was shocked to learn it was his.”

    https://nypost.com/2024/08/31/us-news/black-man-left-horrified-when-chick-fil-a-drive-thru-order-lists-his-name-as-monkeys/

    OFFS!

  30. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Driving on I-70 through Utah the other day I saw that the Mile 69 marker has been replaced by Mile 68.99. I wonder if this is Mormon prudence or if it’s a way to keep the sign from being stolen.

    • creech

      Sort of like the town of Intercourse PA had to stop putting up “Welcome to Intercourse” signs.