Wednesday Afternoon SugarLinks – I Will Reduce You If I Want, I Will Devour

by | Aug 14, 2024 | Daily Links | 237 comments

I Used a Bullet Vending Machine. It Taught Me Something Grim About America.

What did you learn? Is it the fact that you’ve never had sex with a straight man?

I’m 22 years old. I’ve never had gun training. But one Sunday morning, I bought ammo from a vending machine.

Oh, you’ve never exercised your 2nd Amendment rights to own a bear arms. It’s OK, Maddy. Many putative women who have never had sexual contact with a straight man haven’t either.

A large wooden cross edged with a string of Christmas lights stands proudly on the clean-cut lawn of a Noble, Oklahoma, home.

Surrounding houses are similar: Metal and glass crosses decorate gardens and hang from porches next to twinkling wind chimes; you’d be hard-pressed to find a home without an American flag waving out front, too.

That must had been hard for you, Maddy. You had to be near Rural Whites. It is often traumatizing to woman who have never had sex with a straight guy.

Just seven miles south of Norman—one of Oklahoma’s largest and most liberal cities (relatively)—the Noble Super C Mart is one of four stores in the state to have the 2,000-pound machine plopped down inside its entrance. Alabama and neighboring Texas also have the machines—and American Rounds CEO Grant Magers told me this is just the beginning.

The machines weren’t “plopped” down, Maddy. The stores want them there. Despite the fact that you’ve never had sex with a straight man doesn’t mean consent doesn’t exist in the business world.

Immediately upon their installation, people from either side of the Second Amendment debate voiced their appreciation or skepticism for the bullets-made-convenient hunk of metal. And not just in the states where the machines are located.

The New York Times, CNN, USA Today, and NPR were all quick to report on the ammo machines, highlighting widespread concerns for safety and regulation. And if you scroll the Facebook comment section of just about any article on American Rounds, you’ll find a flood of polarizing opinions.

Only people like you think Ammo vending machines are shocking. (And not a “hunk of metal” like the vibrator you tried to recharge from the plug behind the dryer.) The people you listed are fucking retarded communists, like all those straight men you didn’t have sex with.

“Well this is a step in the wrong direction,” one user wrote under a Facebook post from Oklahoma broadcast station KOCO.

Oh, man. This is the worst appeal to authority in the history of recoded fucking time, Maddy. If you had an editor and not an AI writing assistant and and and a a a script for Ritalin, you might have known that. Like you should have know a guy that cries every time after sex with you is probably not straight. Unless the lights were on.

My relationship with guns is a complex one. Living in Oklahoma, I’m used to seeing crossed-gun Second Amendment bumper stickers on the backs of trucks and gun holsters displayed proudly on people’s waists. I have family members who are in the military and law enforcement—I was taught to respect guns, not to fear them.

“As a Life-Long, Rock-Ribbed Republican that voted for Reagan, I Can’t Support Donald Trump for President. Long Live Brown Hillary!” This is what you sound like, fake Twitter account. There was a reason he was only half-hard and you had to keep spitting on it, Maddy.

But here’s the thing: I do fear them. How could I not when there have been over 300 mass shootings across the country just this year? So I didn’t know what to expect—or how I would feel—when I drove to a grocery store in Noble to visit one of the ammo machines.

Look up from TikTok and report on the demographics of those so-called 300 mass shootings. The first time you have an orgasm from a meat vibrator is going to cut through the haze of SSRIs and be a shock, Maddy. Be ready.

Logistical concerns regarding the machines aside, the concept itself is inherently divisive—for obvious reasons. Gun advocates have long argued that ammunition should be more easily purchased and accessible, while gun safety advocates push for the exact opposite.

I know “Enemies of the 3nd Amendment and Freedom” is not in the style guide, but there is a whole wide world out there beyond the style guide, Maddy, you sexless gnome.

David Yamane, a professor of sociology at Wake Forest University and an expert on guns in America, told me that any time something regarding guns moves into the fore—like, say, an A.I.-powered bullet vending machine—it just adds fuel to the fire.

There is no more an expert of guns in America than a professor of sociology at Wake Forest University. It’s not like you are even trying, just like those gay guys you molested.

You know, I’ve already spent to much time on Maddy’s vaginal atrophy. There’s like 2000 more words of her prattle if you want to put yourself through it.

Imagine being so fucking boring you aren’t even worth making fun of…


Also imaging sucking so much, like Slate, that you create a week’s worth of stories about boobs that are so horrible and so boring that it makes your penis want to commit suicide.

Anyone tells you that “women hate it when men have fun” is a sexist lie, you have my permission to punch them hard in their one boob.

[possible NSFW graphic at link]


Oh, look… It’s whole new adaptation of Watchman that Alan Moore can bitch at us for enjoying the wrong way.


This one is for you, Maddy… The sort of man you know you want. Deep down, in that place that excites.

I’m hard as fucking steel and I’ve got the power
I’m every inch a man and I’ll show you somehow
Me and my fucking gun
I never can stop me now

Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot
I’m going to come all over you

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

237 Comments

  1. Shpip

    There is no more an expert of guns in America than a professor of sociology at Wake Forest University.

    IS SO! There’s the spokeschick from Everytown for Gun Confiscation, and the spokeschick from Moms Crave Action, and the spokeschick from Brady, and…

    • Nephilium

      Hey. She’s written…

      /clicks on author name

      One. One story at Slate.

      /searches for name

      Ahh… she’s a worldly

      /checks notes

      Undergrad student, majoring in Journalism (assuming I picked the correct one).

      • SugarFree

        Given she says she’s 22, you’re almost 100% correct. Good sleuthing. Which is a euphemism for Tobbin in the car.

      • DEG

        Oh, alright. I’ll enact your labor.

        Eyes look slightly crazy.

    • EvilSheldon

      I’ve actually met and corresponded with Prof. Yamane on several occasions. He’s not an expert on the technical aspects of guns, but he absolutely is an expert on gun culture. You should check out his work. https://gunculture2point0.com/

    • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

      Moms crave action? I think my… my friend… yeah, him, saw that.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Those silly moms, always getting caught in dryers.

  2. kinnath

    I started that article the other day and gave up pretty quickly.

  3. The Late P Brooks

    The New York Times, CNN, USA Today, and NPR were all quick to report on the ammo machines, highlighting widespread concerns for safety and regulation.

    *snaps fingers*

    And- that- for their mewling concerns.

    • Suthenboy

      Ah…the twin demons of safety and regulation.
      “But what about the children!? Bend you knee! Bow your head!”

  4. Nephilium

    JTFC.

    Tits? Tiddies? Sweater Potatoes?
    Jesse Sheidlower
    Why don’t we have a better word for breasts than boobs?

    We have hundreds of words for mammaries, here in ‘Merica, any plural noun can refer to those sweet, sweet, gumdrops.

    • SugarFree

      I told it was rough, bro. Did you make it to the article with the girl that only grew one boob and her OnlyFans following?

      • Nephilium

        I didn’t click through to any of the articles. I didn’t want to hurt myself that much before I log off of work for the day. That kind of brain damage is better to start a day off with, to better get into the mindset of the users.

      • SugarFree

        Quoth for truth.

      • Bobarian LMD

        While it did not make my penis want to commit suicide, it also did not want to make my penis throw up.

        And my penis has bulimia.

    • kinnath

      sweater puppies . . . .

      that was one from my youth.

      • Nephilium

        It’s one I know as well, but Sweater Potatoes? While it works, puppies are much cuter than potatoes.

      • Not Adahn

        There as a joke from Joan Rivers about how she was so flat chested she’d wear an angora sweater on dates so the guy would have something to pet.

      • Pat

        but Sweater Potatoes? While it works, puppies are much cuter than potatoes.

        Maybe it’s the Irish genetics coming through,but all things considered, there’s not a damn thing wrong with a nice potato.

    • rhywun

      Not even one and done.

      *taps out*

      Never change, Slate.

  5. Not Adahn

    David Yamane is not a bad dude. He stubbornly refuses to be redpilled, even when his book pitches are rejected by librarians calling his views “repressible.” [sic? not sure, maybe she was open about wanting to repress views.]]

    • Evan from Evansville

      I’d like to hear more from you and EvilSheldon about him and his ‘odd-man out’ ideas/ status by both(?) sides of the issue. I’m quite certain I’m missing much and am curious. I don’t hear much from cogent and legit sensible ‘anti’ 2nd Amendment folk. Much appreciated.

  6. slumbrew

    I’m not sure I’m grasping the subtle metaphors used in those lyrics.

  7. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Given that she’s never had sex with a straight man it’s not surprising the she used Moms Demand Action as a source for her story.

  8. UnCivilServant

    We need more ammo vending machines – and gun vending machines – and grenade vending machines.

    If I can’t equip an army to topple a central american dictator for the machines in a three block radius, we need more.

    • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      Do you have a newsletter?

      • Sean

        Do you have the right gloves?

    • Suthenboy

      We dont have such machines here but you can buy ammo in the local grocery store, gas station and hardware store.

  9. Tonio

    like the vibrator you tried to recharge from the plug behind the dryer

    Damn. That’s kinda misogynistic there. I bet you’re a rape-culture apologist, too.

    • SugarFree

      You forgot narcissistic! [preens]

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Tonio, did you see my latest submission? Kinda odd one.

      • Bobarian LMD

        But is it misogynistic enough?

    • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      And Narcissistic, too.

  10. Yusef drives a Kia

    A most exceptional takedown! Bravo!

    • EvilSheldon

      I don’t think that I’m a cruel man by nature. But I can certainly appreciate, and even enjoy, the exceptional expression of cruelty in others.

  11. Old Man With Candy

    I am sending this to Tomb Raider, just to confirm all her prejudices.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    I do fear them. How could I not when there have been over 300 mass shootings across the country just this year?

    The world inside your head is quite a horrorshow, isn’t it?

  13. Not Adahn

    I admit I grabbed the box as quickly as I could and got the hell out of there. It’s not that I was afraid of the machine or bullets, but how I may be perceived for buying them.

    I know these machines likely won’t lead to more violence. In fact, if brick-and-mortar and online ammunition purchases (where age and ID checks aren’t a guarantee) were replaced with these machines, violence may even be reduced. But, as Yamane told me, sometimes it’s not about the gun (or the machine) itself, but what it represents.

    To me, these machines are yet another reminder of how normalized guns are in America

    The box now sits on a shelf at the back of my bedroom closet. I’ll probably never touch it again, but I’ll remember it’s there

    Would not give her my actual name or phone number.

    • Pat

      But, as Yamane told me, sometimes it’s not about the gun (or the machine) itself, but what it represents.</blockquote

      Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

      • Suthenboy

        Animism is such a primitive concept.

    • rhywun

      Well done, Maddy. You are a living tribute to the power of brainwashing.

    • EvilSheldon

      Yeah, I felt the same way the first time I walked out of a fetish store. I got over it.

    • juris imprudent

      but what it represents.

      The totem is powerful magic!

    • Suthenboy

      “I really care what people think about me.”

      That explains a lot.

  14. robodruid

    Noble is rural, farmland mostly,
    Its across the river from me.

    Its nice.

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s been a while since I’ve heard an update about the sheep – do you still have them?

      • robodruid

        LOL, yep. Have sold a few. Have 30 ish. Cows ok.
        Lawsuits moving slowly. Lawyer still trying to figure out how to sue tribal police. We get deposed September, motion to have our defamation suit quashed also in september.
        Their argument is that brining in edited facebook posts to prove wife is bad is “free speach” for the govt.

        Wife still in a lot of emotional pain. Hanging on by our fingernails here.

      • Nephilium

        robodruid:

        So the lawyer for the government is arguing that they can enter edited posts into evidence as free speech without revealing that they were edited? That seems to fall more under fraud or perjury than free speech.

      • UnCivilServant

        🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑

        😀

      • robodruid

        Neph:
        We filed a defamation lawsuit against developer and neighbor-wife of planning committee chairman.
        In previous sets of discovery they have denied sending them.

        They filed a motion to dismiss the new lawsuit on grounds that they admit going to the college and giving them truthfull infomration and claimed the schools is part of the state government so they have first amendment rights.

        We think we can prove that the facebook posts are edited and they tell a different story.

      • Nephilium

        robodruid:

        Good deal, best of luck, and I may have missed it, but did you set up a fund for legal fees?

      • R C Dean

        “Their argument is that brining in edited facebook posts to prove wife is bad is “free speach” for the govt.”

        Err, the 1A is not a defense against defamation.

        “claimed the schools is part of the state government so they have first amendment rights.”

        They are saying the schools having 1A rights? I could argue that, but it doesn’t matter.

        Or are they saying giving the school the facebook posts was their own exercise of free speech? If so, see above.

    • Ted S.

      You need that lady with just the one titty to protest topless instead of your wife.

      • robodruid

        She is very upset that she can’t do that now…. Like very upset.
        Its a situation that i cant win because i am a man.

  15. Shpip

    Why don’t we have a better word for breasts than boobs?

    In the first sentence of the piece, the authoress admits there are dozens, nay hundreds, of nicknames and euphemisms for prominent mammalian protuberances going back centuries. It’s just that she doesn’t like any of them.

    Tedious is too generous a term for that waste of pixels.

    • Nephilium

      But how are her pixels?

      • Tundra

        Monochromatic and sad

      • SugarFree

        Maddy is the Comic Sans of people.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have dog named Pixel, yuck!

    • Suthenboy

      “…she doesnt like any of them”

      This is like any word referring to someone as ‘not white’. The words, in their minds, are all pejoratives because they are the racists and think there is something intrinsically bad about not being white. In the mind of the non-racist they are just observations of fact.
      She is misogynistic as hell. Typical projection.

    • Mojeaux

      Well, I mean, ALL of the names given to reproductive organs are ugly. “Anterior cruciate ligament” and “Achilles tendon” sound much nicer than “penis,” “uterus,” or “breast.” I will admit that “pulmonary nodules” is also ugly.

    • Pope Jimbo

      You can easily use the plural of any noun in the English language as a reference to boobs.

      It is the default meaning of any plural noun. Unless there are actually two volley balls in sight, you would simply assume that the speaker is referring to the volley balls that the nearest woman is hiding under her sweater.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Undergrad student, majoring in Journalism

    It’s not too late to switch to Education, hon.

    • juris imprudent

      I think journalism is where those go who can’t cut the mustard in Education.

      • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

        See, I thought see would have gone to Vassar.

        She sounds like a girl at Vassar.

      • Necron 99

        OOF! But on target.

      • Rat on a train

        I recall journo majors complaining that a communications class was graded on a curve and non-journo majors where throwing the curve.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Hey! At one point I was majoring in journalism. I wanted to write for the Weekly World News.

        Gave it up when I decided to get married. At the time IF you could get a job in journalism it was around $18K/yr. When I talked to the guys over in the Elec Engineering dept they said everyone got a job and it was around $30K/yr.

        So I switched. Took a while to figure out that the engineering profs were pretty snotty about demanding the exact “right” answer. Unlike J-school where you could argue that your answer was 100% right and only the teacher’s ingrained bigotry made them mark it wrong.

        Then I graduated got a good job writing code and have never looked back.

  17. Q Continuum

    Slate is so horrible that they even manage to ruin tits.

  18. Tundra

    Excellent rant.

    The first time you have an orgasm from a meat vibrator is going to cut through the haze of SSRIs and be a shock, Maddy. Be ready.

    You are a rare talent.

    • Suthenboy

      I am not sure what a meat vibrator is

      • SugarFree

        A penis. I put it in a context that she might be able to understand.

      • EvilSheldon

        I honestly thought that this was some kind of horrifying agricultural device.

        To be fair though, at the time I was still contemplating a sex toy that requires a 240V hookup…

      • slumbrew

        That movie does not get enough airplay.

        Although “Breaking Away” is worse – that is never, ever on. And it’s fantastic.

  19. Shpip

    However, the issue isn’t clean-cut even amongst the staunchest gun supporters. Don Spencer, president of the Oklahoma Second Amendment Association, was initially enticed by the convenience of an ammunition vending machine. Then he thought twice.

    “This is a trap,” he told me. “It is a registration for the government to find out who is purchasing what, and it’s not government business if a peaceful citizen is purchasing ammunition.”

    That’s the reason I’d be loathe to use one. I like being able to go into Bass Pro (Cabela’s for you Yankees) and plunk down cash money for ammo, no questions asked, no ID required, no snooping feds the wiser.

    • Q Continuum

      Scheels or GTFO.

      • Tundra

        I like Murdoch’s

      • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

        Sportsman’s Warehouse.

        Why pay more?

      • MikeS

        Q gets it. A good, wholesome NoDak-based company.

    • slumbrew

      Cabela’s for you Yankees

      They’re going with Bass Pro Shops up here these days.

      https://stores.basspro.com/

    • EvilSheldon

      The problem with buying ammo in person is that there’s never enough in stock.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I’ll have you know I had to drive past the Bass Pro Shop to get to the Cabela’s when I lived in Missouri.

      That Cabela’s had a better gun selection than the BPS.

      • The Last American Hero

        Makes sense since you generally don’t need a lot of firepower to take down a bass.

      • juris imprudent

        Unless of course you encounter a bassquatch.

      • EvilSheldon

        Spoken like someone who’s never hooked into a smallmouth from a solo canoe…

    • Grummun

      Pretty much the reason I eschew online ammo sales.

    • R C Dean

      I honestly don’t recall ever buying ammo without showing ID.* I don’t specifically remember showing ID, either, so . . . .

      *In person. When I buy online, no ID submission required. I do pay by credit card, so it is associated with me.

      • DEG

        I don’t remember ever showing ID to buy ammunition in person.

        I remember when the major online ammo sellers required you to send them a copy of your ID with some form that said, “I’m not prohibited from buying ammunition or owning a gun” or something like that. Back in the mid-00s I think? I haven’t seen any online ammo sellers require that in a long time.

  20. creech

    Trump’s speaking at a rally in Asheville. Yammering about how he spent $100 million to defeat Biden. You are opposing fucking Kommiela; let’s hear how your plans differ from hers! Guckall talking about Biden ( or Gov Kemp, or any other irrelevancies.). Otherwise we will wake up in November to the Soviet States and the gradual confiscation of everything we’ve earned.

    • robodruid

      It is concerning.
      Not that he was actually save America, just change the slope.

      • rhywun

        Stopping the Obama freight train for another four years is good enough for me.

    • Pat

      let’s hear how your plans differ from hers

      To be fair, that’s more difficult to do when your opponent just heists shit from your platform.

    • juris imprudent

      Trump gotta be himself, and this is who he is.

  21. SugarFree

    Also, as meta-aside…

    I don’t get how people are baffled by the “new” direction for Kamala. Have you never met someone stupid and mean and convinced of their genius? If not, you have lead a very charmed life indeed. I mean, that’s my two bosses in a nutshell. I’ve been yelled at by asshole morons more times than I can court.

    She was laying low while there was still a chance she could outlive Joe and/or be removed from the ticket. Her dream is to be the First US President candidate that not one person voted for in a national race. Considering she is going to walk into running for President without even one primary vote, she’s pretty much. (And the delegate voting at the convention doesn’t count because the delegates “votes” are locked into Joe Biden through the farce of the Dem primary and Biden can give them to Kamala (or really, any one else.) It’s not them voting for Kamala but their inability to vote for anyone else.)

    • Q Continuum

      Kammy’s the one leading a charmed life. She’s managed to parlay (likely mediocre) blowjob ability and a good tan into probably being the next president by falling ass backward into success after success each more miraculous than the last.

      I’d say it’s very likely she made a deal with the Devil at some point in the past.

    • Suthenboy

      “…someone stupid and mean and convinced of their genius? ”

      “Keep company with those who seek the truth. Run from those who have found it.” – Vaclav Havel

  22. The Other Kevin

    Do real people seriously read Slate? They seem as foreign to me as a lost tribe in the Amazon.

    Then again, the author of the bullet article is clearly a Bride of the State (from this morning).

    • SugarFree

      I’d she is, at best, a Side-Piece to the State. Or a GFWB to the State.

      • juris imprudent

        The meme with the guy checking out the cute girl – he’s the state and he’s checking out a BOTS while Maddy has the distressed face.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    It’s not that I was afraid of the machine or bullets, but how I may be perceived for buying them.

    You wouldn’t want some mouthbreathing Okie to think you’re cool, would you?

  24. rhywun

    Someone should plop Maddy down in west Chicago some day and ask her how afraid of guns she is now.

    • The Other Kevin

      This is another reason why we are superior to Slate in every way. We’ve focused on tits several times a week for as long as I can remember. Pikers.

  25. Suthenboy

    ‘Gun Safety Advocates’
    The only gun safety advocates I have heard from are gun owners.
    I love how she tossed in there ‘ I am an ___ and even I think’. What a tiresome trope.
    How about this: YOU CANT HAVE MY GUNS. END OF DISCUSSION.

    “women hate it when men have fun”
    Response: “I have no doubt the women you know do.”

  26. The Other Kevin

    Tonio, I emailed you some of my artwork for your viewing pleasure. Hope it got to you.

    • Pat

      Bear portraiture is a dying art.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

    or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Author Bios

  28. Fourscore

    I would not walk into a gun store and ask for 12 gauge bullets. There would be prolonged laughter from all the store employees and customers within hearing range.

    • EvilSheldon

      Don’t laugh at new gun owners, dude. It’s probably not their fault that they didn’t have anyone to teach them.

      • Suthenboy

        This.

      • Q Continuum

        +1 million

        Gun ownership is the gateway drug to giving a shit about the Constitution.

    • R C Dean

      When my 12 gauge is loaded with slugs, I refer to it as a .71 caliber carbine.

  29. Aloysious

    Mr. Salty
    What went on in your head?
    Oh, Mr. Salty
    Did you talk to the dead?

    Your lifestyle to me seems so tragic
    With the thrill of it all
    You fooled all the people with magic
    Yeah, you waited on Satan’s call

    – with aplogies to Mr. Osbourne

    Oh yeah, with regards to JaimeRoberto’s comment in the ded thred ‘Kamala Chameleon’… all I can say is curse you, sir, for planting that goddam earworm in my head. I really, really don’t like that song.

    • Tundra
    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      You’re welcome.

    • Nephilium

      This song will probably work better for that.

  30. Drake

    Anthony Cumia and Gavin McGinnis just proposed a great new reality show.

    Follow a team of British cops through the American South as they arrest people for hurtful memes.

    • kinnath

      New cops every episode? Cause they won’t last very long.

      • The Other Kevin

        Maybe get Dawg the Bounty Hunter to capture them so they can be extradited to London.

    • Pat

      Tay-Sachs and sickle cell anemia are wayciss,

      • Sensei

        See the UK’s NHS service would simply do the life expectancy and time paying taxes versus taking a pension calculation.

        Problem solves itself for what to treat and how to fund it.

    • R C Dean

      “stroke and minority services”

      They make it sound like being a minority is some kind of disease.

  31. Shpip

    I’m mildly surprised that none of you reprobates have linked to this yet.

  32. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    I watch this young British couple’s YouTube channel. They recently visited the US and ate all our foods, like Tex Mex, BBQ, and breakfast. THEY DIDN’T PUT ANY FUCKING SAUCE, SALSA, OR SYRUP ON ANY-FUCKING-THING.

    They had quesadillas without ANYTHING on them – no guac, no sour cream, no salsa, no pico – just dry tortillas and cheese. And they loved it.

    It’s driving me up. a. wall.

    (I don’t know why I keep watching them.)

    • Bobarian LMD

      dry tortillas and cheese.

      That is what you call spicy in GB. Or Minnesoda.

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        But they didn’t even try, which was the entire point of their trip! Like, they had guac and salsa and everything on the table in front of them, and didn’t even try a bit on their fork. Same with syrup. They literally ate pancakes dry – no butter, no syrup, no fruit.

      • EvilSheldon

        My God. Weren’t there any friendly wait staff around? Or bystanders? Have we collectively lost our humanity to the point that we’re letting fellow human beings eat dry pancakes?

        Was it because they were English? Because that I can understand…

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        Everyone in the comments on their videos is saying “next time, bring an American”

        Another maddening thing was they mostly went to chain restaurants. They were in LA, Austin, and San Antonio, and they didn’t eat at any local places from what I can tell. Other than Terry Black’s (which they kept calling Terry’s Black)

      • EvilSheldon

        Poor blighters…

      • Pope Jimbo

        Or Minnesoda

        *Rises in righteous indignation to defend Minnesoda cuisine*

        *thinks about it a bit*

        *sits down in shame*

    • Mojeaux

      I swear. Brits will eat anything but spice.

      In the past, I’ve watched a Brit family making American things. She made a reuben and actually corned her own beef! So I was impressed. IIRC, she had to make the dressing from scratch too. I dropped a comment and suggested she grill her beef before building the sandwich so it would be hot and the cheese would melt.

      • Mojeaux

        These people. I see they did a video making Boston cream pie, which is definitely something a Brit would like.

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        I watch them occasionally – they way they baby talk their daughter annoys me. She’s old enough for them to talk to her like a normal person (she’s, like, 2 and 1/2ish IIRC)

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      I want to force feed them syrup. Doesn’t even matter if it’s real maple or not. They literally ate these motherfucking McDs pancakes DRY.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw58V-MTt_I

      • UnCivilServant

        I was guessing the Beesleys – I was right.

    • EvilSheldon

      I read this in the Post, and I can’t help thinking that there might be more to this story…

  33. Aloysious

    What would Dolly Parton say?

  34. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of the astronauts marooned on that tiny island, what are they eating? Can they hitch a ride home with the doordash guy?

    *hums*

    “Three hour tour… three hour toooouur”

    • Mojeaux

      I wanna know … did they volunteer for this trip or were they voluntold?

      • Bobarian LMD

        I’m sure they had no problem finding willing applicants to go on this trip.

        Next time?

        The list is probably going to be a lot shorter.

    • SugarFree

      Can your feeble mind grasp how hard it would be to get coconuts in space to make a radio with?

      The Harlem Globetrotters have no excuse whatsoever. They could have just taken them to the Globetrotter Homeworld when they left the station. Or to Earth if someone was foolish enough to dare laugh at the Jesters Of Dunk.

  35. Bobarian LMD

    Quick question.

    I have never had sex with a straight man either, would I be allowed to write for Slate as well?

    • SugarFree

      A working non-gay penis is disqualifying; if you weren’t born with one, a plus.

    • Suthenboy

      Well Bobarian…now that you point that out….

    • Suthenboy

      Ya’ dont say!?

      A few months ago a friend of mine asked my advice (God knows why) because he is involved in his company’s decision about which airplane they should buy. I said ‘Dont buy Boeing’.
      He said they had all instantly agreed to that before the discussions began in earnest. Anything but Boeing.

    • The Other Kevin

      More migrants doing the jobs Americans don’t want to do.

    • Sensei

      I look at that as typical government and union crap. It may or may not be relevant to the actual assembly.

      For example all bandages must be applied by an RN. This is probably what you want for 3rd degree burn patients, but unnecessary for treatment of a paper-cut.

  36. DEG

    How could I not when there have been over 300 mass shootings across the country just this year?

    Why do I smell bullshit?

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Based on their definition, “a minimum of four victims shot, either injured or killed, not including any shooter”, I’m surprised Chicago hasn’t surpassed the number all by itself.

      • slumbrew

        https://heyjackass.com/

        Year To Date
        Shot & Killed: 331
        Shot & Wounded: 1609
        Total Shot: 1940
        Total Homicides: 377

        But “only” 19 mass shootings by that criteria.

      • Suthenboy

        Gun grabbers lie. Every word out of their mouths is calculated to deceive. I dont pay any attention to anything they say because I already know it is a lie.

  37. DEG

    I went to the boobs link.

    I was so bored by what I saw I closed the tab.

    • Suthenboy

      I saw a lot of that in university forty years ago. I knew then it did not portend well. They looked like the all-American girls-next-door but were brainwashed as hell pinkos.

  38. Tundra
    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Pretty sweet, I wonder how hard it is to get
      parts.

      • Sensei

        Probably requires a little elbow work, but globally used all over. So order from Mexico or South America.

        My issue would be finding somebody local who wants to work on it. My guy probably would because he’s older.

        It’s not a classic it just old Japanese from a not common brand.

    • Suthenboy

      No. Just no.

    • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

      One of the best 4×4’s ever made.

      DO IT!!

    • Ted S.

      Tempting, but the truth is discovered.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    Put a rotary in it, Tundra.

    • Tundra

      Boing!

      • Tundra

        That might be the perfect Mad Max vehicle.

    • Suthenboy

      How could anyone forget that creepy-ass propaganda? Remember that time Obama laughed and said he was not a communist?

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Somebody should check that guy’s hard drive or his basement.

      • Suthenboy

        Yeah, I remember that shit too. The whole lot of the commies are creepy as hell. There was a shitload of that meme from Obama people that I would never let near my children.

    • kinnath

      solid rock. good vocals.

      • Tundra

        Cool!

        First comment:

        Hilarious back then they would completely redo the car and put a V12 in it and its still not good enough for an M badge but now every little trim upgrade comes with 5 of them.

        BMW has definitely lost their way.

      • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

        BMW is like Jaguar. Straight six only. And they are both one owner cars.

      • Sensei

        Tundra, not only that there are only like 3 M badges on the whole car and they are hidden.

        ZWAK, great analogy on the Jags.

      • Sensei

        The 850i was one of, if not the, most technologically advanced cars in the world. Its list of industry firsts is enormous, and includes drive-by-wire, CAN-bus technology, and the first German V-12 in 50 years.

        What could go wrong?

      • Tundra

        I still love it. So German.

      • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

        You know what I would love to have, a mid-nineties 5-series wagon, upgraded to period M-spec.

        That sweet straight six, a auto box now, but otherwise a dog-leg 5speed out of an early 6-series. Good brakes and suspension… Yeah, that’s the ticket!

      • Tundra

        @sensei

        That video was excellent. Thank you. And the engine sound at the end was boner-inducing.

      • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

        I think BMW had, by that time, lost the plot so badly that Mercedes was kicking it’s ass. That V12 coupe from the nineties? Rarrrr!!

  40. Derpetologist

    Something that might be contributing to Japan’s low birth rate: there are 300,000 prostitutes there, which is about 1 out 20 women.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woDa61HTdB4

    • Tundra

      Ah HAH! Now we know why Pope Jimbo was so gung ho!

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’m not sure I’m believing him.

        Granted I spend most of my time in the company of my wife, sister-in-law or nieces, but I haven’t seen all these supposed cat houses.

        I gotta work on my Japanese reading skillz more I guess.

    • Evan from Evansville

      I can believe it, if ‘massage parlors’ count. Korea had probably several down any given trafficked alley. Go in, young gal gives ya a massage, and then more comes… I’ve certainly been offered hand-jobs. I’m quite positive there’s much more to be gotten. I *did* go for it twice. Once on purpose, and the second time cuz, like ya know, whatever… (I didn’t cum nor particularly enjoy it. It was so… appointment-y. I’m sure linguistic abilities would change that, fast. I’m not sure what the etiquette is.)

      Add that, plus if sexy dancers count (which I know exists in Korea but never saw, and it isn’t open) and you’d have a high number ‘n % anywhere. If ‘they’ want a high number. (They do, so it’s done!)

  41. Yusef drives a Kia

    I just got a small bonsai pine tree cleaned of dead needles, it looks gorgeous again. The Julios I used were little tiny guys, very good at there job, but no way we’re they Mexican.
    Little English, and Mexicans are bigger people, Guatemalans maybe?

    • slumbrew

      Guatemalans are wee folk

      • The Wrath of ZWAAAAAAKKKK!!!

        Or Peruvian.

        Who are really just Sloopy Incas.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Maybe they were Mayan. As one of my Mexican tour guides said, “Mayans are short, ugly and have no necks. At least that’s what people say about them.”

  42. The Late P Brooks

    I was never wild about the 850. I prefer the early six series, with manual.

    Now, the M1…

    • Sensei

      You mean the Lamborghini with a straight 6?

  43. The Late P Brooks

    You mean the Lamborghini with a straight 6?

    Don’t be a hater. (As if that’s supposed to be a disqualifying factor)

    I’d take a Procar series M1 if it had a Studebaker badge on it.

  44. slumbrew

    Now I’m down a Bring A Trailer rabbit hole.

    Rawr

    That price is going to go shooting up, sadly.

    • Tundra

      4.0L mild-hybrid V8

      Wouldn’t you rather have an R8 with the 4.2?

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, but the wagon is a bit more practical for my needs.

      • Tundra

        Oh yeah. That one would merit a new pair of gloves and a new fedora!

  45. Pope Jimbo

    Stay classy Ilhan

    “This campaign has been one of the ugliest, most disgusting campaigns against me that I have ever witnessed,” Omar said in her victory speech. “I hope they reflect on the shameful way they decided to divide our district and the incredible people we are grateful to represent.”
     
    Omar also called out Samuels for attacks on her husband’s business deals.
     
    She said her husband, Tim Mynett, “was put through the ringer.”
     
    “But he stood by my side with a smile, joyful,” she said.
     
    Lindberg said Omar’s larger margin against Samuels “was a reflection of taking her challenger seriously this time around.”

    I think “taking her challenger seriously” meant that she ramped up the ballot harvesting.

    • rhywun

      joyful

      Just like Kamala!

    • MikeS

      Is this husband her brother? She got a new one, right? Seems like there was some shady shit with the new guy…campaign money funneled to him or something.

      • Pope Jimbo

        U.S. Rep. Ilhan Omar on Sunday announced she has severed financial ties with a political consulting firm co-owned by her husband that received $2.78 million from Omar’s campaign account over a 15-month period starting in July 2019.
         
        The financial arrangement has drawn scrutiny. According to Federal Election Commission reports, Omar’s campaign has made 140 payments to E Street Group for services including digital advertising, fundraising consulting and mail production and postage.
         
        In a post-election update emailed to supporters, Omar, who handily won her re-election, praised the work of her husband Tim Mynett’s firm, E Street Group. She also suggested that the onslaught of spending in her primary race and the general election are reasons why she did not cut ties sooner with the firm, whose co-owner is Will Hailer, a former staffer to Attorney General Keith Ellison.

      • MikeS

        Always ties to Ellison…the next Gov of Minnesoda should Harris-Walz succeed.

      • Tundra

        Brother Keith is something, isn’t he?

        Observing the politics out here, though, it’s exactly the same. Crazy lizard people and a populace who has no fucking clue.

        See you in gulag, Mike!

      • Pope Jimbo

        See you in gulag, Mike!

        A gulag would be a step up for a NoDak. Indoor plumbing and electricity is what Mike and his buddies call “Big City Living”.

  46. The Late P Brooks

    The 850i was one of, if not the, most technologically advanced cars in the world.

    More “advanced” than the Aston Martin Lagonda?

    • Sensei

      Oh God, that dash…

  47. Tres Cool

    “One of my boobs is a flat A, and the other is a double D.”

    Id call that bitch Biggie Smalls.

  48. The Late P Brooks
    • Tundra

      OMG.

    • slumbrew

      God, that sound.

    • EvilSheldon

      The things I would suck to get to take that out for the weekend…

      • slumbrew

        Just one weekend?

        You need to consult with Winston’s Mom.

  49. Pope Jimbo

    Capitalism and Climate Change are ruining Minnesoda lakes

    Nearly half the state’s natural shorelines are gone, according to the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources. They continue to vanish by 1 to 2 percent per decade. It’s a loss rate the DNR along with local governments and nonprofits called “alarming” last year in a report that concluded “many of Minnesota’s lakes are in trouble.”
     
    Water running off mowed lawns and hard surfaces contributes to pollution in lakes. One-quarter of the state’s lakes have high levels of phosphorus, which feeds algae growth that turns the water a green and slimy mess. A single pound of phosphorus in a lake can produce 500 pounds of algae.
     
    How did a state so grounded in lake culture and rule-making get to this point? Observers cite a decadeslong drip of inadequate regulation and lax enforcement by local boards and state authorities that allowed a suburban-style vision of lake life to take root, and it’s damaging lakes.

    What really has MPR’s panties in a bunch is the fact that people are well off enough to build a big house near a lake. Those plebes are wrecking it for the Old Money folks who already had their houses on a lake.

    Also not mentioned is that most of those big houses that they are complaining about were built where there used to be 2-3 small shacks/cabins. When I was growing up a lake cabin was pretty much just a shed that would keep you dry and the mosquitoes off. Those have been getting knocked down and replaced with year round homes.

    • rhywun

      “grounded in rule-making” lol

      Sad lost utopia….

    • MikeS

      Nearly half the state’s natural shorelines are gone

      Hmmm…this seems like total bullshit.

      /reads report it came from

      The Score-the-Shore survey protocol was designed to (1) determine a
      lakewide lakeshore habitat score with modest precision;

      LOL. “modest precision”

      DNR biologists have conducted these surveys on 785 lakes across the state

      785 out of 11, 482. And according to the map, their surverys were heavily represented in popular lakes country (Honey Harvest country!) and around the Twin Cities. It looks like they possibly didn’t consider Lake of the Woods at all, and very little of Superior’s shoreline.

      Verdict: Bullshit

      • CPRM

        Nearly half the state’s natural shorelines are gone

        Were they replaced with robot shorelines?

      • Tundra

        Bullshit, yes. But we were on Lake Vermilion for many years. When we sold my FIL’s place I handled the transaction so my buddy flew me up there to meet the new owners. When we left we did a flight over the entire lake (last time I saw it) and saw algae blooms in many of the bays.

        Build whatever the fuck you want, but leave your goddamn lawns and phosphorus fertilizer back in the Twin Cities.

      • Tundra

        Were they replaced with robot shorelines?

        Illegal shorelines.

  50. The Late P Brooks

    How did a state so grounded in lake culture and rule-making get to this point? Observers cite a decadeslong drip of inadequate regulation and lax enforcement by local boards and state authorities that allowed a suburban-style vision of lake life to take root, and it’s damaging lakes.

    *grinds teeth*