Eating Dogs

by | Sep 14, 2024 | Beer, Food & Drink, Media | 90 comments

”I really can’t do this right now.” I said.

”BROWN MAN ON FOREST LAWYER PODCAST. STARRING STEVE SMITH, esq. STEVE SMITH LIVE STREAM DEBATE. KEEP IT REAL. MAKE YOU COMMENT REAL TIME.”

”No…I’m serious. I can’t do this right now, I am at my kid’s baseball practice. People are going to ask questions like, ‘are you talking to a Sasquatch?’”

”You know what your problem is Mex? You think you deserve a social life in meatspace, but really you don’t.” Swiss replied.

“One of us. One of us. One of us…” SugarFree was live.

________

”CHEESE MAN WHO SPONSOR DEBATE LIVESTREAM?”

”Today we wrangled two—our first sponsor is SereneLife chemical toilets.” Swiss did the glasses on the tip of his nose thing again.

“A shit economy! Nuclear winter! Riots! Rampant crime! Inflation! All signs of impending doom portend to one predictable outcome you are not prepared for: taking a shit without modern plumbing. Let’s face it, you didn’t think of it until I mentioned it and if you did your doomsday preparation is limited to the amount of toilet tissue you can carry—one roll won’t cut it with all those MREs you packed. Were you planning of leaving a trail of excrement the cannibal rape gangs can use to track you? I’m not because I’ll get my morning glory on the 5.3 gallon model stowed away neatly in my doomsday bunker. 100-120 flushes with the SereneLife guarantee you will never get a hamstring cramp from having to squat in a hole. Find it on Amazon, or any fine sporting/home goods retailer.”

”SPONSOR SOUND LIKE GOOD SHIT, CHEESE MAN.”

”Damn straight. Our next sponsor is Wernesgrüner Pils.” Swiss flipped to the next cue card.

“Oh, I got that at Aldi once.” I interjected.

“Do you only have $10 for beer? Wait what? Mex don’t interrupt the promo. The promo for the FOREST LAWYER PODCAST is the biggest driver of revenue for the FREE CASCADIA MOVEMENT. Don’t interrupt the promo.” Swiss was trying hard to not yell.

”Sorry. I’ll be quiet.” I said.

”Okay….well…I don’t really have a catchy promo now that you fucked this one up. Mex what did you think of today’s sponsor?”

”I think they are proof reinheitsgebot bros are a cult.”

”Find it at Aldi!” Swiss shouted! “Prost!”

”PROST”

_____

”SUGAR MAN YOUR FIRST. WHAT YOU THINK OF PAJEET WOMAN?”

”Her stern, trembling voice sounds like someone trying to exert authority when they know they have none. It reminds me of a condescending lecture from a lady at HR, or a female cop. Plus the skin on her face doesn’t match the skin on her neck. She clearly got some work done to make her look less like a lizard person, but she obviously forgot to finish molting before the debate. This is very poor planning on her part.” SugarFree said.

”Cmon, Lizard-people in government is a lazy conspiracy.” Swiss replied. “This is worse than any cantonal election. Even those inbred Romange.”

”No, its not a lazy conspiracy. Space is fake is a lazy conspiracy.” SugarFree said.

”If space is fake, explain the moon?” I asked.

”Space is real, and the moon is an egg.” SugarFree said distantly.

“An egg?” Both Swiss and I asked.

“Yes, it is the egg that incubates the lizard queen.” SugarFree explained. “It takes 100,000 Earth years for their leader to hatch and ultimately consume the planet her larvae colonized.”

“Larvae suggests her race would be insect not reptile.” I said.

“Only to your point of view, because you are from Earth. Kamala’s race is effectively a drone race with a full genetic memory subservient to the Lizard Queen. Once hatched she will consume them as well as us before moving on to the next solar system.” SugarFree took a sip of Goldschläger. “She will then break apart seeding the next planet for the drones to be reborn to take over the world. Then finally reforming herself within a cocoon where she will again bask in the starlight for another 100,000 year life cycle. “SugarFree looked into the camera motionless, with gold flakes on his lips.

*They are eating cats. THEY’RE EATING THE DAAWGS*

”UMMM. HOW IS ORANGE MAN DOING BROWN MAN?”

”He’s an idiot, but for whatever reason that works for him.” I said.

”Does it though?” Swiss took a swig of Wernesgrüner. “You weren’t kidding about the sponsor by the way.”

”Not really.”

”I personally don’t understand what the controversy is here. The lack of evidence for eating pets aside, there is plenty of evidence the stories of eating water fowl in parks.” Swiss took another swig of Wernesgrüner. “They are helping us with a bigger problem—Hate Birds: the birds that hate. They are an invasive pest, and these people are killing them for food. You rather some cracker jack government program gets rid of them?”

”No.”

”Of course not.”

“Exactly. This way everyone wins. Yay, CAPITALISM!” Swiss raises his arms in a V for Victory.

”NOT JUST HATE BIRDS. SWANS AND DUCKS TOO.”

”Collateral damage.” Swiss literally waved his hands with his handwaving. “Maybe they’ll eat Big Bird while they’re at it. And let me tell you something about Big Bird—FUCK BIG BIRD.”

*Excuse me. I’m talking now, sound familiar?*

”OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH”. All four of us shouted on the livestream.

”Okay, I take it back. Being an idiot works for him.” I said.

”Nice reversal.” Swiss agreed.

”Oh. My. God. Look at her. She nearly revealed herself.” SugarFree was wide eyed.

“You see it here.” SugarFree clicked furiously and showed us a screenshot. “Look how she takes the slack out of her lips. How the skin gathers behind the chin. This isn’t just some Steve Harvey, ‘oh you crazy’ grin. No, she was about to unhinge her jaw and swallow Trump’s head whole.”

“CAN PAJEET WOMAN OPEN THAT WIDE, SUGAR MAN?”

”Of course. That’s how she ate Josh Shapiro.”


About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

90 Comments

  1. Suthenboy

    Prediction: Now it is a hoax – no, we deny that they are eating the dogs. Tomorrow – They are eating dogs. So what? It’s just their culture and we are going to have to get used to it.

    *I remember when the Swedish minister to the EU told the Swedish people that violent, forceable rape was just a part of ME culture and they were just going to have to get used to it.
    How will this end? It’s anyone’s guess I suppose….

    • KSuellington

      In six months there will be a lefty article saying that not eating cats and dogs is evidence of white supremacy.

      • Suthenboy

        That too.

  2. Shpip

    They are helping us with a bigger problem—Hate Birds: the birds that hate. They are an invasive pest, and these people are killing them for food.

    Hate birds, you say?

    That goose is cooked.

    • R.J.

      Pushing the debunked hate birds theory, I see…
      *Channels MSNBC

  3. Sean

    “”Of course. That’s how she ate Josh Shapiro.””

    If only.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    They are an invasive pest, and these people are killing them for food. You rather some cracker jack government program gets rid of them?

    We need government certified hunters who will kill but not eat them so we can be certain no productive use or benefit will result. Like the plan to kill all those illegal immigrant owls in the northwest.

    • Suthenboy

      …and deer in the north east…and nutria in the south….and…and…fireants something something….

  5. The Late P Brooks

    I love how they put the black bar over the girl’s eyes in that RFK photo, like she’s in the witness protection program.

    • Sean

      Wasn’t that actually goat in that pic?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Yes he said it was a goat, but how exactly can you tell from the photo?

      • Suthenboy

        Yes, it was a goat. You can tell by the dentition, shape of skull etc.
        It was a goat.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I love the comments, on that shitty website and on Reddit. Just right wingers talking points, doesn’t make a bit of difference, totally secure election system.

      “Hey babe, you know when I said I never cheated on you? Yeah, I did go out on. 300 dates. Oh, you have video of me sleeping with 2 of them? Well, that’s the only ones. I totally pinky swear.”

      Also, foreseeable consequences of giving illegals drivers licenses is not unforeseen. .

    • Plinker762

      I’m pretty sure that anyone interacting with the state of Wa is now registered to vote here.

    • Suthenboy

      Interviewer: Why does everything the democrats want make voter fraud easier?

      Interviewee: Because they want to commit voter fraud.

      I dont remember who that was..was on FOX during the 2016 campaign. I thought finally someone who calls it like it is.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Wasn’t that actually goat in that pic?

    That’s what they say. Goat is tasty.

    • KSuellington

      Every time I’ve had goat it’s been kinda gristly and not great. Yes, you can eat it, but gimme some cow, chicken, lamb or piggy 10 times out of 10 if it’s non game animal.

    • Plinker762

      According to Lewis and Clark, dog was pretty tasty too.

      • creech

        Yeah, compared to boiling your boots.

    • Plinker762

      Nothing like some filet meow, I guess.

      • DrOtto

        It knows how to use ’em

  7. Derpetologist

    It’s been awhile since I’ve seen derp this good:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QNoS_P3T0c

    LA removes no u-turn signs in gay neighborhood after complaints of homophobia. See, the signs went up not long after a gay bar opened, so clearly it’s from homophobia and not an increase in accidents from drunk drivers leaving aforementioned bar. Also features someone who goes by the name of Maebe A. Girl.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Breakthrough

    Pfizer’s experimental drug for a common, life-threatening condition that causes cancer patients to lose their appetite and weight showed positive results in a midstage trial, the drugmaker said Saturday.

    Patients with the condition, called cancer cachexia, who took Pfizer’s treatment saw improvements in body weight, muscle mass, quality of life and physical function, according to the drugmaker. The results could pave the way for the drug, a monoclonal antibody called ponsegromab, to become the first treatment approved in the U.S. specifically for cancer cachexia.

    Didn’t they “discover” that marijuana was an effective treatment fore this? But there’s no money in that.

    • rhywun

      But there’s no money in that.

      Beg to differ.

      /every jurisdiction pursuing legalization

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Flocks of geese enrich our culture.

  10. Shpip

    Speaking of hatebirds…

    DON’T buy a fake phoenix. I had to burn five perfectly good and healthy golden eagles before i got a real phoenix. Terrible waste. Invest carefully. Roma will sell you anything and say it is a phoenix. THE ROMA LIE.

    • KSuellington

      Slate October 13, 2024
      By Alisa Contreras-Hinderman

      “To be clear, no one, is advocating eating folx animal companions. In all the alleged documented cases we have seen over the past few weeks, it has always been stray or semi wild animals being consumed, not by Haitians as falsely alleged by our former President felon and his right wing minions, but other migrants from countries no where near Haiti. To a nation steeped in white settler colonialist mentality this is somehow portrayed as “wrong” all the while ignoring widespread destruction of the native fauna of North America by voracious white persons engaged in genocide. While isolated cases like these deserve restorative Justice that avoids the brutality of the private prison indústrial complex, they must be viewed as examples of performative outrage by a patriarchal culture that has no claim to moral superiority when it comes to animal consumption.”

      • Sean

        Eating cats is the same as Jethro hunting deer.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        To a nation steeped in white settler colonialist mentality this is somehow portrayed as “wrong” all the while ignoring widespread destruction of the native fauna of North America by voracious white persons engaged in genocide.

        Fun fact: one of the ways the plains Indians hunted buffalo was by spooking the entire herd to run off a cliff.

      • Suthenboy

        That is one impressive pile of steaming gibberish.

  11. Sean

    My bacon arrived!

    Damn, it has a lovely smokey aroma. Way more than standard supermarket fare.

  12. Richard

    Is there going to be a Honey Harvest Zoom tomorrow?

    • Tundra

      I’ve been in contact with some of the peeps. I will continue to bug them and post any success here.

      Right now, MikeS, DEG and CPRM are assaulting Baxter, MN. Hide your womenfolk.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    performative outrage by a patriarchal culture that has no claim to moral superiority when it comes to animal consumption.

    Bravo.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Great. The anti-Sheehy ads have switched from “rich out of state carpetbagger who wants to eliminate public land” to ” fanatical anti-abortion hatemonger who wants to force women to carry deformed nonviable fetuses to term”.

    • creech

      Same as ads against McCormick in PA. Yeah, I don’t want politicians telling me what to do with my body for 9 months…nor to take 35 percent of my body’s income for f**king LIFE.

  15. Sensei

    I wanted to clean out the cable drawer of my myriad of usb adapters and cables.

    I have one of the $10 versions, but this one is quite nice for roughly 5x the cost with the bonus you can test cable markers and PD and QC specs. You will need a load which is another $5 for a resistor or $15 for a nice 25W variable load.

    I wound up pitching something like 6 cables and 6 adapters because they were crap.

    https://www.elektormagazine.com/review/fnirsi-fnb58-review

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of cables…

    I discovered, totally by accident, a display-port-to-hdmi adapter cable I didn’t even know I had. when I tried it (windows desktop) on two different teevees, the image was too tall to fit on the screen, even after I tried a bunch of different resolutions. The vga cable gave me a properly sized image. I wonder if it would work on a “real’ monitor.

    If anything, I would have expected the image to be shorter than full screen vertically, at least on one of them.

    • Sensei

      Odd. They are basically the same. HDMI is a captive standard and DP is open.

      If I recall at one point HDMI wanted cash, but that may not be the case for cables. The issue was the HDCP copyright shit that is part of the HDMI standard.

      DP has the option of running the copy protection or not, but device doesn’t have to negotiate with HDCP over DP if it doesn’t want to.

      https://www.rtings.com/monitor/learn/hdmi-vs-displayport

  17. Richard

    Yesterday I attended the birthday party of the son of a friend and neighbor up at my F&N’s camp. It was the son’s third and the nine kids present outnumbered the eight adults. The kids had a blast and the adults came out exhausted. I don’t do individual birthday gifts, because I can’t keep track, so I brought gifts *certainly* enough for all possible kids. Alas, I’d prepared only eight “Bags of Gold,” leather bags containing 10 goldish-colored U.S. dollar coins each.

    So my gift has been prorogued until the next kid-centric gathering, hopefully with fewer kids.

    The reason I’m writing this up is that I’m waiting for an answer to my “Is there going to be a Honey Harvest Zoom?” question because once I turn off my cabin’s crappy cellular Internet service I’m not turning it on again today. So this is just killing time.

    A gift-related lecture that I desperately want give, but won’t, because no-one, kids or adults, will appreciate, is the coincidence between the size of the seldom-seen (At least in rural Vermont.) U.S. dollar coin and the original U.S. Large Cent which are comparable. The modern dollar coin is brass plated copper while the original U.S. Large Cent was just copper. A Large Cent-era (late 1880’s) $20 gold piece is also of a similar size. An old $20 gold piece is worth about $2K today, a 100x increase, while a modern $1 copper coin contains the same material as a one cent coin, also a 100x increase.

    Inflation. Plan on it.

    • Brochettaward

      Wait…am I slow or is there a reason why you are giving gifts to all the kids when it’s only one’s birthday?

      • Ted S.

        Embrace the power of “and”.

      • Richard

        I was a kid once, or so I’m told. The problem with birthdays is that if you’re not the Birthday Boy all you get to do is watch someone else get gifts. I Spread The Joy by giving all the kids a gift. It’s part of my insidious plan of sub-rosa education.

      • Brochettaward

        So…Ted S is a stupid cunt? I already knew that, but it’s always nice to have someone else agree.

    • Richard

      And, to anticipate the obvious question, “What are Canadian dollar coins (the Loonie) made of?” The answer is copper-plated nickel. Just as the U.S. cent industry is controlled by the zinc mining industry (U.S. cents after 1982 are copper-plated zinc.) the Canadian coin industry is controlled by the nickel mining industry. Canada has a vast nickel supply because of a huge nickel-iron meteorite that impacted northern Quebec millions of years ago, an event recounted in the oral traditions of the Canadian aboriginal peoples. (OK, I’m being snarky. Alcohol may be involved.)

      The point is that the next round of gifts to my F&N and associated kids are some magnets, and the gift after that is some more “gold” Loonies to add to their bags, hopefully entertainingly distinguishable from the original “gold” with a magnet because pure nickel is magnetic. U.S. five cent “nickel” coins are 25% nickle and 75% copper and aren’t magnetic.

  18. R C Dean

    Gotta say, there’s been, umm, situations where that toilet would have been just the ticket.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Its an amazing unit

      • Tundra

        I need a Sherpa to carry one so I never have to use a WAG bag again.

  19. Chafed

    Not entirely sure if you gave your liver a rest this week. If so, good for you MS.

  20. Pine_Tree

    Apropos of nothing, but I was at a trade show at McCormick in Chicago this past week (and am still in pain from all the walking). One of the companies I was talking to was a Vietnamese automation company and machine-builder. The fellow doing the handshaking and talking was about my age (53), and in describing their company he said the Engineering and build shop was “in Saigon”.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    The modern dollar coin is brass plated copper

    The last dollar coin I saw was a sacajawea, which was barely distinguishable from a quarter.

    • Richard

      The Susan B. Anthony dollar coins, a design I particularly like, were copper-clad copper/nickel like the quarter and were hard to tell apart from the quarter. It wasn’t accepted by the public for some reason. It’s successor was the Sacagaweaguiea oldish dollar coin which was also not accepted by the public. Its successor were the Presidential Dollar Coin series which were also not accepted by the public. The common thread is a mystery to Congress and the U.S. Mint.

      • rhywun

        .gov would probably rather just end all coinage than foist another dollar on us.

      • Richard

        One benefits of paper money to a Command-and-Control regime is that each note has a unique serial number. It is currently not a requirement that all paper-cash be scanned and registered at the point-of-sale but I honestly believe that all serial numbers are scanned at the bank to which the bills are deposited. High denomination coins are anathema to the U.S.government.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        It wasn’t accepted by the public for some reason

        and

        were hard to tell apart from the quarter.

        Seems like that’s the reason.

        In the colored lighting of a bar they were indistinguishable. I tipped the bartender a SBA for a beer. He sneered like I’d given him a quarter.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    I Spread The Joy by giving all the kids a gift. It’s part of my insidious plan of sub-rosa education.

    *squints suspiciously*

    That sounds like something a commie would say.

    • Richard

      You got me. I believe that an early exposure to chemistry, physics, geology, optics (The kids had blast during the last total eclipse.) etc. will conclusively lead to the enlightened domination of the World Proletariat!

    • rhywun

      I like the idea.

      I was never a fan of the birthday party myself.

  23. DrOtto

    I’m actually going to order one of those toilets. My storage bay is in the middle of nowhere and, well, I had a close call Wednesday and that thing could have saved me from some grief. Also, the best part of the ad is that they sell them used for even less. I think I’ll stick with new in this case.

    • Richard

      I’ve been living with a composting toilet for 30 years. They don’t deal well with lots of liquid but otherwise with mostly poo and peat moss (to “flush”) all I have to do every few months is empty it and dump the contents. Elsewhere I’ve written entire articles about how the plants love to grow in the dumpage.

      • R.J.

        I heard that city hall loves it when you donate your toilet overflow to their marble steps.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    The common thread is a mystery to Congress and the U.S. Mint.

    My first trip to Australia, I kept paying with paper and getting coins back. I finally figured out I had bout seventy dollars in coins in my pocket. I could hardly pick my pants up. I can’t remember for certain now, but I think they had a five dollar coin.

    • Richard

      LOL. That reminds me of a bit of Terry Pratchett’s “Soul Music” where Bert Wheedown, the expert guitar builder, had so much unexpected business (Read the book. It’s good!) that he had to hire two people to hold his pants up because of all the money he was making.

      • Tundra

        I’ll second the recco. It’s a terrific story.

      • Beau Knott

        Second the ‘read it’ recommendation. It’s kind of impossible to have a favorite Discworld book, but Soul Music is in my top 5.
        IIRC, there’s a similar bit in Maskerade where a publisher dreams of having enough money he has to hire two people to hold his pants up.

      • kinnath

        As far as recommendations go . . . read every book in the series . . . . twice if you have time.

        But, if I had to pick a single book it would be Small Gods. Completely stand alone story. All the other books can be read stand alone, but there is always an undercurrent that flows between the sets of books regarding the principle actors (the witches, the nightwatch, etc).

      • Tundra

        @Beau I refuse to pick a favorite. I even like the ones when he had dementia.

        But the Guards series has been read more than the others. Vimes is far and away my favorite character. But Moist is right there.

      • Richard

        @Beau Knott

        (I really think that the superior level of discourse here would reward additional thread levels.)

        You’re right. The scene I was thinking of is from “Maskerade”.

        They’re both brilliant books. The problem with Terry Pratchett/Diskworld is that you have to skip the first two books. They’re actually really good but his first attempts and not like the bulk of the series.

    • Evan from Evansville

      It’s bothersome, esp in Euro+ countries with $1 and $2(!) coins. (Replace the dollar sign with the correct symbol as needed.) When I took a semester in Freiburg, in southsouth-west Germany, I had saved pocket change for trips to the store, etc. Still had some when I left and was semi upset I had lots of practical money left I could no longer exchange. Frumpy McFrumperson frumped.

      Good to see ya, Richard.

      • rhywun

        Yah when I lived in Germany in a previous life it was normal for wallets to have a coin pocket because there were so many coins.

        But as a not-serious coin collector I was always delighted to have some coins left from various countries. I hate France but they had the most beautiful coins in the before times (dunno about the Euro-age).

    • Gustave Lytton

      I started using a coin purse on my first trip to Japan. Made life a lot easier.

      Watched people pay cash for their MacBooks in the Apple Store.

    • Raven Nation

      $1 and $2 coins. No pennies or 2 cent pieces anymore.

      Rules on what you can use:
      1c and 2c coins (withdrawn from circulation from February 1992, but still legal tender): for payments not exceeding 20c
      5c, 10c, 20c and 50c (of any combination): for payments not exceeding $5
      $1 coins: for payments not exceeding $10
      $2 coins: for payments not exceeding $20

  25. Aloysious

    69 comments.

    Nice

    • Evan from Evansville

      And by observing it, ya obviously killed it.

      I’ve never come close to trying a 69-ing. I’m sure it can exist in a playful fun way, and it certainly exists in fantasy, but I’m not convinced it actually *exists* as real, sexual fun that folk habitually engage in. I am also aware that all of what I just thought is absolutely untrue and it certainly exists in many more places than imaginarily anticipated.

      This comment… uh, brought to you by me.

      • Aloysious

        The sixty ninth comment is a special fleeting moment lost like tears in the eyes of the recipient of STEVE SMITH lovin’.

  26. Aloysious

    STEVE SMITH makes a punny and Swiss Miss-es it. Strange.

  27. Evan from Evansville

    @ Richard and coinage, $, pay: I recently saw my first “Pay by Palm” touchscreens at some store. Amazon’s thingy, apparently.

    It’s launching a new Amazon One app on iOS and Android you can use to take a photo of your palm and set up your account, allowing you to start scanning your palm at locations that support the verification tech.

    • Evan from Evansville

      DAMMIT fingers for submitting so soon: My/our prediction of the Skynet system continues apace. And all with happiness of those confined by the convenience it brings.

      All our information, once stored in some sort of place, is in Some Clouds. Me no understandy. Well, I suppose I do. Why do people think palm /finger /face IDing for verification+ is a great idea? Every lock can be broken, yes. DNA indicators are the most obvious one to follow, and I rather suspect the US has mine+ for (when) convenient use.

    • Richard

      Excuse me for the blasphemy, but Jesus Fucking Christ. Is there a part of the Book Revelations (Which is a secretly encoded prophesy that the ancient Roman Empire would be Heavenly smited.) that the international globalist Powers that Be aren’t thinking, “What a good idea!”.

      Issac Asimov wrote a an excellent two-part series of the Bible, Old and New, and I’ve read several times. I recommend it.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Moved out of my house- lease already signed and handyman and cleaners taking care of stuff next week.

        Car sold today and paperwork handled at DMV.

        Report to Norfolk Mon…

        Good lord, that interview with Kamala last night was shit on a sandwich…

  28. creech

    NBC propaganda polls now have Harris up by 5.

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