I, Soldier – part 23

by | Sep 9, 2024 | Fiction | 42 comments

It was now mid 1973 and the war had taken another turn for the worse. After much pressure, the draft had ended, and the vast majority of US troops had been withdrawn from Vietnam. The fate of the war now lay in the hands of the South Vietnamese military, which the US had trained and equipped at enormous expense for more than a decade. At work, I tried to forget about the war and focus on translating accurately and writing unbiased reports. It was nice to get paid for my Vietnamese knowledge though the routine of a civilian was a bit dull, at least by my standards. Alexandra and I were now married with a kid on the way. That part felt good. By this time, I written enough for a book, but not sure how to organize it into something coherent. I was beginning to think it was best to write something fictional. My real experiences were just too unbelievable or disturbing in most cases. I thought about re-interpreting my experiences through the lens of science fiction. I’d turn Vietnam into another planet and my Ka-Bar into a ray gun.

My mind turned to politics, which in my opinion is stranger world than any in science fiction. Getting elected to anything would be an interesting challenge. Or better yet, getting Alexandra elected. I just didn’t have the right look and personality for politics. I decided to call Trautman for advice.

“Hello, sir. How are you?”

“You can call me Sam, Tom. We’re both civilians now.”

“My life’s gotten a lot better but I feel like I’m stagnating. Ever felt like that?”

“Considering the number of times you’ve almost been killed, you should appreciate the chance to stagnate.”

“Do you think I have any chance of getting elected? I think there’s a chance to make some positive changes in the military and foreign policy.”

“Given your interests and abilities, I’d suggest the foreign service. It seems your wife enjoys travel as well.”

“That’s an interesting suggestion. I’ve never thought about that.”

“How’s that book of yours?”

“I was thinking of re-working it from an autobiography into a work of fiction. It gets pretty intense in places.”

“I say just tone it down a bit, and it will be a great memoir, like the one Ulysses Grant wrote.”

“Do you think Alexandra has a chance to get elected?”

“Pretty long odds, I’m afraid. But there are a few women in Congress, so who knows. You can’t win if you don’t play. The motto of British special forces is: who dares, wins.”

“I have some experience in that. My basic plan was to use the notoriety from my book to launch her campaign. I thought the romance between a hardened soldier and a hippie has a certain appeal.”

“Talk it over with her and stay positive. You have a lot to offer.”

“Thanks Sam. Take it easy. Over and out.”

I compiled my book as best I could and gave it to Truman and Alexandra for feedback. They had some suggestions, but the main one was to get a professional editor to look at it. So I did that and made the changes he recommended. Something was still missing, both in the book and in my life. I decided it was time to track down my mother and get her side of the story.

It was time to use my interrogation skills peacefully on my dad and anyone else he pointed me to. I called him on the phone one evening.

“Hi, dad. All is well with my new job. They really appreciate my knowledge here.”

“That’s good to hear. How’s Alexandra?”

“She goes in for check-ups. The doctor says she and the bun in her oven are ship-shape.”

“More good news. What’s on your mind?”

“Tell me more about mom.”

“Like I said, she left me for a better man.”

“Did she say who or where?”

“No, just left me with a note saying that when I got back from the war. My parents were looking after you at the time.”

“Did you talk to her parents about it? Or her friends?”

“No, not really. I was too heartbroken at the time and just accepted it.”

“Do you have any phone numbers or addresses for her family or friends?”

“Yeah. What’s your plan?”

“I’ll contact them and see if I can learn more. What harm could it do?”

“I’ll give you the info I have, but whatever you find, please just leave me out of it. I’d prefer not to know.”

“Will do.”

So he gave me the info he had: names, phone numbers, and addresses. I began my search. It was a lot of phone calls and letters in the mail. I prefer to search directly in person, but that wasn’t an option given my job and Alexandra being pregnant.

After various false leads and dead ends, I narrowed down the search to a convent a few hours away from where I grew up. It seemed my mom had always wanted to be a nun and was pressured into marriage. I decided it was time for a pilgrimage of sorts. I had a picture of my mom when she was younger to help me and had memorized various tidbits about her that only she would know. I could use that to get her or someone close to her to identify her. I figured my best bet was to know the names of her pets. Women always remember them, and they always talk about their pets with someone.

I used a few vacation days around Veterans’ Day weekend to make the journey, so that I’d have enough time. The convent was secluded in a wooded area near mountains and a lake. The name was something like Carmelite Sisters of the Holy Cross. They baked bread, made jam, and churned butter, among other things. In the local area, they were famous for the quality of their products. I bought some of their goat cheese at a store on the way there. It was delicious. My investigation revealed that my mom loved animals and was very religious. I was sure I’d find her at a convent with a farm.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

42 Comments

  1. Derpetologist

    Not sure what I was going for with this subplot, but it seemed to fit.

    I have a bunch of WW2 Army pocket guides about exotic places. I’m bringing them for my rowdier students to read, as the admin are cracking down on video games and such. Many students would be better off playing video games all day at home instead of disrupting learning.

    • Derpetologist

      I don’t see the point in trying to force people to study or learn, yet I have been given that task for some students. It’s as if the parents are telling me “here, you get my idiot brat to read.”

      For that, reason, I haven’t been giving homework. The smart kids don’t need it, the others won’t do it or will copy it. Looks like I will need to start going through the motions to keep the admin happy.

      Whatever. I’m there for the students who want to learn. The rest better not give me trouble. Otherwise, it’s a pretty good job, and I’m willing to do a lot to keep it.

      South Park on classroom discipline:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdb4rNFRzU0

      • UnCivilServant

        The strategy at the school I went to seemed to be to tell the students who wanted to learn to sit down and shut up so that the uninterested student could be forced to mumble out something that didn’t answer the question posed.

      • Derpetologist

        [Kif sigh]

        “Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?”

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhiCFdWeQfA

        Ben Stein was one of Nixon’s speechwriters.

        Not sure how to square the circle of getting the dumb and unmotivated to care about school. I’d settle for just getting them to sit still and shut the hell up. Hence my tolerant attitude towards video games and suchlike.

      • rhywun

        All my schools from 4th grade on had pretty heavy tracking. There was pretty much never a dull moment. There was a small range of ability in each class but not that great.

      • UnCivilServant

        I had never heard of tracking until I was an adult. My district never did it while I was there.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        To get the unmotivated, you simply need to find what motivates them. And, yes, simpler said than done, I know.

        But it is the basis of making the whole thing work. When I was a lad, back in the stone ages of the eighties, we had shop. And there were many varieties of shop: metal, wood, drafting, auto, and so on. Kids who weren’t academically oriented could try the various themes found in this set of classes, and if something fit, they had a great path forward. But, round about the time I became a sophomore, they dropped these classes for such fun classes as Latin, and German! Because ever kid had to be prepared for college, it was decreed.

        It seems we went down the wrong corridor.

      • UnCivilServant

        I would have loved all of those shop options (judging by my collection of hobbies), but there were only two ‘vocational’ classes (cosmetology and autowork) which where stringly discouraged for anyone who was not seriously going to make those their career.

      • Derpetologist

        I think even a shop class might be a bridge too far for some of my students, even if that was an option.

        The denial of the existence of stupid people is the central dogma of US education.

      • rhywun

        many varieties of shop

        We had a whole high school for that stuff.

        One of the pluses of a “big city” school district, perhaps.

        The denial of the existence of stupid people is the central dogma of US education.

        Heh, one floor of my HS did cater to those folks.

      • Evan from Evansville

        “…the parents are telling me “here, you get my idiot brat to read.”’

        I am (I assume?) sure much of this is autobiographical. I rather enjoyed (most) of my experience with this. Non-Stateside, I’m sure you’ve done it before and enjoyed it. After x amount of time as the only (foreign teacher) together, I witnessed ~a couple dozen kids read their first books. Mostly in Singapore, where my kids were (mostly) much younger than my Korean students.

        Those were profoundly special moments.

  2. Evan from Evansville

    “I’ll give you the info I have, but whatever you find, please just leave me out of it. I’d prefer not to know.”

    A semi-maxim taken by me from Wayne Gretzky: “Ya miss 100% of the shots ya don’t take.” Boom. Yes, sometimes the only way to win is to not play. I do prefer to make active mistakes rather than passive ones. Several times, this has led me down alleys I shouldn’t have gone down. I’m proud to say I still live by it. There’s far too much to see and learn to sit idly by.

    *Still upset with self for not talkin’ to that girl a couple weeks ago in the park who was practically begging me to begin flirtations. Self: Learn from that lesson. Don’t let being with Dad stop you from (trying to) take it conversation to the hoop.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Whoops. I meant to begin with another maxim: “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.”

    • rhywun

      Still upset with self for not talkin’ to that ______

      Jesus. I made that mistake dozens of times. I guess that’s why I’m alone again.

      • R.J.

        Awww. You aren’t alone, you have us!
        In a platonic way.

  3. rhywun

    OT… I wonder when SyFy started allowing cussin’.

    The people in this movie are cursing like drunken sailors.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’d love to see a parody where the sober sailors swear normally but when drunk talk in very prim and proper manner. It need only be a short skit.

      • R.J.

        “I say, bartender! May I have another of those scintillating gin and tonics? I need to fortify myself before I engage in fisticuffs with that young rapscallion who cheated me at poker.”

      • Evan from Evansville

        @UCS: Legit, that’s a swell idea for a skit. I strongly encourage it.

      • Fourscore

        I was thinking about that today. Pre-integration with women in uniform in previously all male units swearing wasn’t unusual. After integration we were reminded that women were present and language must reflect that these ladies could be your sister or mother, whatever.

        Any strong language could be considered sexual harassment.

        Tough to run an organization whose mission is to kill but finds language offensive.

      • MikeS

        Tough to run an organization whose mission is to kill but finds language offensive.

        Throw in a bunch of “equity” and “diversity” requirements, and one might start to worry about said organization’s effectiveness at it’s core mission.

    • rhywun

      Sigh. The next film is full of crap gap.

  4. Sean

    Hey Glbs! Get out there and have an abortion or two!

    ☕💀👶

    Too dark? You ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait for president CommaLa.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mi9MLL8QOY0

    🎶🎶

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean and homey!

  5. Sean

    New ads for that commie cunt have her voice corrected to not be so nasally. Totally not faked.

    🙄

    • Gender Traitor

      Auto- TuneTone?

  6. Sean

    *Colleges are arranging presidential debate watch parties”

    -My tv

    Is that really a thing? Is it new propaganda? Why do I care?

    • Suthenboy

      I don’t remember my college classmates being all that interested in politics. I remember a lot of drinking and screwing but politics? Not so much.
      The loss of the USSR as an example of what not to do was a bigger loss than I thought at the time. Had we known that then we would not have celebrated but mourned.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Sure they are TV guy, sure they are.
      *pats head*
      (also insert standard disclaimer that some certainly are, it’s just fucking rare)

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Whoops, read that as “college students.” I could actually see the colleges themselves doing that.

  7. Sean

    “Gun control!”

    “Gun control!”

    “Gun control!”

    -My tv

    😒

    • Suthenboy

      They cant have my guns

    • rhywun

      “Animal Lives Matter”

      🤣😂💀

  8. Sean

    Who fucking names their child “Isis”?

    • EvilSheldon

      Mallory Archer? Or was that ‘Duchess?’

    • Suthenboy

      Hitler?

      Since the phrasing of the question makes this fall slightly outside the rules of ‘you know who else’ I can finally answer Hitler.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Ptolemy I Soter?

      • Suthenboy

        I think it was actually Nut and Gud. Ged? Gun? Something like that. Earth and Sky anyway.

      • Suthenboy

        *Looked it up. It was Ged. I always thought of them as ‘Mud and Stars’.
        People do people things. Every culture ever had different names for the same concepts important to our survival. I think what makes the Greeks stand out is anthropomorphizing of the more sophisticated abstractions. I dont think Christianity was an improvement over that with the exception of raising redemption above the other ideas. It seems a bit odd to me that it wasn’t already highly revered because the ‘Savior’ theme is so common in human story telling as is the plot device ‘deus ex-machina’.

        I am rambling. I need more coffee.

  9. Sensei

    Norfolk Southern CEO Expected to Leave Railroad Amid Board Probe
    Law firm to examine whether Alan Shaw had an undisclosed relationship with employee

    Wow, he must not have had to sit through the annual online training about harassment and workplace relationships. Otherwise this would have never happened, right?

    https://www.wsj.com/business/logistics/norfolk-southern-probing-potential-misconduct-by-ceo-shaw-39436e09?st=f0slhtrs3oo5eyn&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink