Stoic Friday LXXXII

by | Sep 27, 2024 | Advice, LifeSkills, Musings | 76 comments

Last Week

Meditations

How to Be a Stoic

How to Think Like a Roman Emperor

Seneca’s Letters from a Stoic

If you have anger issues, this one is a great tool (h/t mindyourbusiness)

This week’s book:

Discourses and Selected Writings

Disclaimer: I’m not your Supervisor. These are my opinions after reading through these books a few times.

Epictetus was born a slave around 50 ad. His owner was Epaphroditus, a rich freedman who was once a slave of Nero. Though he was a slave Epictetus was sent to study philosophy under Musonius Rufus.

Epictetus was lame and there are some stories it was caused by his master and others that it was caused by disease.

He was a freedman when all philosophers were banished from Rome in 89 by the Emperor Domitian. He then started his school in Greece, and had many students. He did not leave any writings from his lessons, but one of his students, Flavius Arrian, took notes and wrote the Discourses.

Epictetus did not marry, had no children, and lived to be around 80-85. In retirement, he adopted a child that would have been abandoned and raised him with a woman.

He died sometime around AD 135.

He is my favorite Stoic teacher. I love his bare bones and very straight forward approach.

Following is a paragraph-by-paragraph discussion of one of his lessons. Epictetus’s text appears in bold, my replies are in normal text.

The meaning of a forlorn state, and the kind of person a forlorn man is

A forlorn state is the condition of one who is without help. For a man is not forlorn merely because he is alone, any more than a man in the midst of a crowd is necessarily not forlorn. At all events, when we have lost a brother, or a son, or a friend with whom we have shared the same bed, we say that we have been left forlorn, though often we are in Rome, with such large crowds meeting us in the streets, and so many people living in the same house with us, and sometimes even though we have a multitude of slaves.

Feeling alone and depressed was always difficult. It didn’t matter whether I was alone or with people. I was never the kind of guy to talk about my feelings. I always liked to work through things on my own. This has changed as a result of having my wife with me for 30 years. When my Mom died, my wife helped me and I think I was a help for her also.

For according to the nature of the concept the ‘forlorn’ means the person who is without help, and exposed to those who wish to injure him. That is why, when we go on a journey, we call ourselves forlorn most especially at the moment that we encounter robbers. For it is not the sight of a human being as such which puts an end to our forlorn condition, but the sight of a faithful, and unassuming, and helpful human being.

Having the wrong kind of person with you in a time of duress is worse than being alone. I have known people that couldn’t count on their spouse when things went sideways. I always felt bad for them, but I did wonder how they wound up with that kind of person.

Why, if being alone is enough to make one forlorn, you will have to say that even Zeus himself is forlorn at the World-Conflagration,[1] and bewails himself: “Wretched me! I have neither Hera, nor Athena, nor Apollo, nor, in a word, brother, or son, or grandson, or kinsman.” 5There are even those who say that this is what he does when left alone at the World-Conflagration; for they cannot conceive of the mode of life of one who is all alone, starting as they do from a natural principle, namely, the facts of natural community of interest among men, and mutual affection, and joy in intercourse. But one ought none the less to prepare oneself for this also, that is, to be able to be self-sufficient, to be able to commune with oneself; even as Zeus communes with himself, and is at peace with himself, and contemplates the character of his governance, and occupies himself with ideas appropriate to himself, so ought we also to be able to converse with ourselves, not to be in need of others, not to be at a loss for some way to spend our time; we ought to devote ourselves to the study of the divine governance, and of our own relation to all other things; to consider how we used to act toward the things that happen to us, and how we act now; what the things are that still distress us; how these too can be remedied, or how removed; if any of these matters that I have mentioned need to be brought to perfection, to perfect them in accordance with the principle of reason inherent in them.

Being alone doesn’t bother me. I do think about many things in my head at those times when I’m not doing much.In the evenings I like to go through the day and consider where I had a “temper tantrum” or a situation I could have handled better. I do not have a problem with over thinking any of it. Once I have reviewed something I didn’t do well at, I move on.

Behold now, Caesar seems to provide us with profound peace, there are no wars any longer, nor battles, no brigandage on a large scale, nor piracy, but at any hour we may travel by land, or sail from the rising of the sun to its setting.

Like America, Rome was a peaceful society.

10Can he, then, at all provide us with peace from fever too, and from shipwreck too, and from fire, or earthquake, or lightning? Come, can he give us peace from love? He cannot. From sorrow? From envy? He cannot—from absolutely none of these things. But the doctrine of the philosophers promises to give us peace from these troubles too. And what does it say? “Men, if you heed me, wherever you may be, whatever you may be doing, you will feel no pain, no anger, no compulsion, no hindrance, but you will pass your lives in tranquillity and in freedom from every disturbance.”

My inner peace is my responsibility. If my life is perfect, but I manage to worry over every little detail, that would be worse than having a rough life that I handle with equanimity.

When a man has this kind of peace proclaimed to him, not by Caesar—why, how could he possibly proclaim it?—but proclaimed by God through the reason, is he not satisfied, when he is alone? When he contemplates and reflects, “Now no evil can befall me, for me there is no such thing as a brigand, for me there is no such thing as an earthquake, everything is full of peace, everything full of tranquillity; every road, every city, every fellow-traveller, neighbour, companion, all are harmless. Another,[2] whose care it is, supplies food; Another supplies raiment; Another has given senses; Another preconceptions. Now whenever He does not provide the necessities for existence, He sounds the recall; He has thrown open the door and says to you, “Go.” Where? To nothing you need fear, but back to that from which you came, to what is friendly and akin to you, to the physical elements.[3]

When I am in control of my reactions and judgements, nothing can truly trouble me.

15What there was of fire in you shall pass into fire, what there was of earth into earth, what there was of spirit into spirit, what there was of water into water. There is no Hades, nor Acheron, nor Cocytus, nor Pyriphlegethon, but everything is filled with gods and divine powers.”[4] A man who has this to think upon, and who beholds the sun, and moon, and stars, and enjoys land and sea, is no more forlorn than he is without help. “Why, what then? What if someone should attack me when I am alone and murder me?” Fool, not murder you but your trivial body.

While being alone can leave you vulnerable to attack by a group, it does not trouble me. If I lived in a dangerous time or place, that would change. On the rare evenings my wife isn’t here, I like to sit on my back deck to watch the lake. While I don’t live in the country, with no neighbors and woodland across the lake from me, it looks like I do. Doing this helps my inner peace to strengthen.

What kind of forlornness is left, then, to talk about? What kind of helplessness? Why make ourselves worse than little children? When they are left alone, what do they do? They gather up sherds and dust and build something or other, then tear it down and build something else again; and so they are never at a loss as to how to spend their time. Am I, then, if you set sail, to sit down and cry because I am left alone and forlorn in that fashion? Shan’t I have sherds, shan’t I have dust? But they act thus out of folly, and are we miserable out of wisdom?

Kids can make anything a toy. Sometimes it is nice to imagine being so trouble free. Wisdom and life experience can make it hard to enjoy simple things. When my kids were young, I would play with them as often as possible. Since my kids are grown, I wrestle with my dogs and chase them around the yard to blow off steam. It works for all three of us.

[5] 20Great power is always dangerous for the beginner. We ought, therefore, to bear such things according to our power—nay, in accordance with nature . . .[6] but not for the consumptive. Practice at some one time a style of living like an invalid, that at some other time you may live like a healthy man. Take no food, drink only water; refrain at some one time altogether from desire, that at some other time you may exercise desire, and then with good reason. And if you do so with good reason, whenever you have some good in you, you will exercise your desire aright.[7]

I still do not practice being poor just to feel it. I think I was poor and happy long enough that if fortune flees from me, I have the muscle memory to endure it. Maybe I am mistaken in this view, but I don’t see the point at this time in my life.

No, that’s not our way, but we wish to live like wise men from the very start, and to help mankind. Help indeed! What are you about? Why, have you helped yourself? But you wish to help them progress. Why, have you made progress yourself? Do you wish to help them? Then show them, by your own example, the kind of men philosophy produces, and stop talking nonsense. As you eat, help those who are eating with you; as you drink, those who are drinking with you; by yielding to everybody, giving place, submitting—help men in this way, and don’t bespatter them with your own sputum.[8]

I try to help others. Whether that is in real life or by writing these essays. I think I have made enough progress and live the way I strive to successfully enough to have some idea about handling life. I have noticed when here is a group hashing out a situation and trying to advise somebody, my advice usually differs from the general consensus.

About The Author

ron73440

ron73440

What I told my wife when she said my steel Baby Eagle .45 was heavy, "Heavy is good, heavy is reliable, if it doesn't work you could always hit him with it."-Boris the Blade MOLON LABE

76 Comments

  1. Aloysious

    I can’t say thanks enough, ron. This is a lot to reflect upon, but so important.

    If fear is the mind killer, then despair crushes the soul.

    I wish that philosophy had appealed to me when I was young and foolish. What an important tool to develop the mind.

    • Sean

      What an important tool to develop the mind.

      Bourbon also works.

      • ron73440

        What an important tool to develop the mind.

        Bourbon also works.

        I always preferred beer, but lately I enjoy rum drinks on Saturday nights.

    • Mojeaux

      I’m in a funk. Don’t wanna read, don’t wanna cross stitch, don’t wanna crochet, don’t wanna write. Forlorn? I don’t feel like it. My mom says I’m showing all the signs of depression, but I don’t feel depressed. I feel purposeless and goal-less and like my job is finished now that the kids are self-sufficient. So.

      • trshmnstr

        Depression doesn’t have to arise from nothing. Some of the most depressed I’ve been was due to very specific situations that felt inescapable.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Time to start pressuring your kids into giving you grandchildren.

      • Fourscore

        Moj, don’t rent out the kids’ bedroom. Somehow when all seems to be going well a kid needs a place to stay (for a few days that can stretch).

        Getting old(er) doesn’t make us smarter but it does seem to make us care less and realize there’s not a lot more we can do.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I’m with you Mojeaux. I’ve been the same way lately. Most of my hobbies aren’t bringing me joy like they normally do, but I don’t feel depressed, which is a feeling I’ve historically been very familiar with. I don’t know if it’s boredom or some other explanation, but lately I find it difficult to get enthused about things. I still have young kids, so I get a sense of purpose from that, but I have that nagging feeling that something’s missing. I refuse to get on pharmaceuticals as a “solution”.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I will say that the weekly Stoic sessions are always a hightlight. Thanks again Ron.

    • ron73440

      I wish that philosophy had appealed to me when I was young and foolish. What an important tool to develop the mind.

      #metoo

      Better late then never, I guess.

    • Suthenboy

      Agreed Aloysious. I was interested at a young age but sadly had no one to guide me in that pursuit.
      I am still interested today and my views do not change radically but they do still change as I learn more. I think I have it mostly right but always have the feeling my views need just a bit more tweaking.
      You are right in that it is important. Ideas matter. They matter a lot. A slight change in view, a new idea…they shape culture and thus lives. The gravity of a single idea can and has changed the world.

    • kinnath

      Can’t ignore it any longer

      If fear is the mind killer, then despair crushes the soulis the soul crusher.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    But seriously, folx

    The Slovenian-born former fashion model has remained somewhat of an enigma in the 2024 election cycle, staying largely absent from the campaign trail, breaking norms in not speaking at the Republican National Convention and skipping key moments for her husband, Donald Trump, including his primary-night victory parties and court appearances in New York and Florida.

    In a pre-taped interview aired on Fox News Thursday morning, Melania Trump called for Democrats and members of the media to stop branding her husband as a threat to democracy. She blamed the media for “fueling a toxic atmosphere” and empowering those who “want to do harm to him.” Democrats previously blamed Trump for violent rhetoric, including helping to incite an attack on the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

    ——-

    The Slovenia native said the fashion industry gave her the “thick skin” required to withstand attacks as the wife of a president, who is one of the most polarizing political figures in recent memory.

    They just can’t help themselves. Nothing outside the bubble. He’s a monster and a cancer on the body politic.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      “breaking norms in not speaking at the Republican National Convention”

      See, she’s a threat to democracy too.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Women should know their place.

      • juris imprudent

        a cancer on the body politic

        So a cancer on a cancer?

      • UnCivilServant

        cancer cancer is the worst cancer.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I figured a cancer on the body politic would be ass cancer.

      • Tundra

        But so pretty.

      • Fourscore

        Certainly couldn’t be brain cancer

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        “I figured a cancer on the body politic would be ass cancer.”

        You pegged it.

    • R C Dean

      Perhaps the problem is the relatively recent “norm” of a politician’s wife being an active part of campaigning and even governing.

    • Compelled Speechless

      I actually don’t see a problem with that statement. He is genuinely about the most polarizing figure I can think of. The question is how much of it is organic due to his own behavior and how much is due to media hysteria and hyperbole.

  3. Mojeaux

    Here’s the thing: I have accomplished all the goals I had, because I thought I would die young and never really looked past my 51st birthday. So now I don’t know what to do. I am VERY goal driven, but the “goals” I do have now are more like vague wistful longings.

    • Mojeaux

      Ooops. Brooks’d it. Response to Trashy.

    • UnCivilServant

      Perhaps look on it as a milestone and opportunity to pick a new concrete goal?

      Though I am not the most together person myself, so take my advice with a grain of salt or two.

    • ron73440

      I was never goal oriented, I wanted to be a Marine and never had much of a plan beyond that.

      Once I became a Marine, I wanted to be the best I could, so that meant working out, studying, and training.

      Same with being a husband and father, never had specific goals, just tried to be the best I could.

      Now I work for the Navy and my only goals are to do as many audits as I can and enjoy my life outside of work.

      Maybe your goals are too specific?

    • kinnath

      I waded across the Mississippi a week ago today. It wasn’t a goal. It happened spontaneously.

      I have tasks that need to be accomplished. Some have hard dates; some don’t. I try to exploit opportunities that pop up.

      But I don’t actually set any goals per se.

      • ron73440

        My main goal right now is to walk without the air cast walking boot.

        I am working not to be irritated and just be glad I can walk pain free with the boot.

      • UnCivilServant

        Is the water level that low?

      • kinnath

        The headwaters of the Mississippi River at Itasca State Park in MN.

        Although, I waded across about 500 feet downstream where the trail from the parking lot to the headwaters crosses the Mississippi.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s a bit disappointing.

      • kinnath

        That’s a bit disappointing.

        Which part. Crossing not exactly at the headwaters? Or crossing anywhere near the headwaters where the Mississippi is basically just a creek?

      • UnCivilServant

        Crossing the Mississippi Creek and calling it a river.

      • NoDakMat

        I sure hope you remembered to hawk a big lougy and start it on a long journey to the Gulf.

      • kinnath

        Where did the river end and the creek begin?

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        You must have really long legs.

      • kinnath

        You must have really long legs.

        Anyone at Honey Harvest can confirm the opposite.

      • creech

        Based on highest water flow, the actual Mississippi River is the Ohio and the Allegheny.

      • Tundra

        50 plus years in Minne and I’ve never been there.

      • kinnath

        Amazingly enough, the corporate firewall is blocking the live camera from the headwaters. It must be too risqué.

    • Gender Traitor

      Since you’re not dead yet, go for a walk! 😃🚶🏼‍♀️

    • Fourscore

      I found that there were new goals that popped up.

  4. Mojeaux

    RIP Maggie Smith

  5. The Late P Brooks

    See, she’s a threat to democracy too.

    She’s a furriner. How could she possibly understand the subtleties of American politics and exhibit the demeanor appropriate to a First Lady?

  6. Suthenboy

    Since we are talking about ideas and their import –

    The rapid advance of technology over the last 100 or so years and its accelerating advancement has given us a mentality of “We identified the problem and solved it. We dont have to worry about that anymore…onwards and upwards!”

    Unfortunately that has bled over into our view of human nature reinforced with the idea of inalienable rights being codified into law. In our subconscious minds we dont worry about guarding against the worst of our nature enough because those problems are recognized and ‘solved’.
    This manifested in the cultural notion that ‘That cant happen here’ from the 20th century.
    It can happen here and is happening right now. From what I have seen and heard from Harris and especially Clinton just within the last few weeks they are the worst kinds of people. Their nature, view and plans are identical to those of the worst monsters in history. They simply have not had the full power to act on those. They are poised to do that as we sit here. Their ilk have been creeping towards that for a long time. I think we are a bit blinded to that by the notion that “That cant happen anymore”

  7. Tundra

    Practice at some one time a style of living like an invalid, that at some other time you may live like a healthy man. Take no food, drink only water; refrain at some one time altogether from desire, that at some other time you may exercise desire, and then with good reason. And if you do so with good reason, whenever you have some good in you, you will exercise your desire aright.

    Asceticism can be a really powerful tool. Self-denial (which I do not practice nearly enough) definitely makes you stronger and healthier. Even just fasting can make a difference.

    Thanks as always, Ron!

    • Sean

      I haven’t bought a new gun all year…

      >.>

      • R C Dean

        I’m thinking very seriously about selling a couple of guns that I am quite confident I will never shoot again. Partly to convert them to cash, and partly to get them to someone who will use them.

      • Fourscore

        I’m in sort of the same position, except I’d prefer to give them to someone in the family who would use them. No one in the family that hunts or shoots, except for a g’daughter and family in Alaska and I’ve kind of filled them up already.

      • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        …selling a couple of guns…

        I understand all those words, but not the concept.

    • kinnath

      I continually deny myself the relief of screaming at the world.

      Not sure this is making me stronger in any way.

    • Compelled Speechless

      I’m with you. 50/50 its real.

  8. Suthenboy

    Re: wading across the Mississippi

    When I was young, dumb, immortal and in super good shape it was a goal of mine to swim across every significant body of water in Louisiana.
    I got all of the rivers save the Mississippi and the Atchafalaya. I got all of the major lakes except Ponchetrain, Maurepas and the other coastal lakes that are really inland seas (Ok all of the bodies of water you can see the far shore).
    I dont know why I was so dead set on that. It really doesn’t mean anything and I could have spent my time better.
    “Youth is wasted on the young”

    • Nephilium

      Every couple of years, some dumb shit drunk kid decides they can swim across the Cuyahoga river down in the flats… usually at night.

      • Suthenboy

        That is sad. Sober, 20 yrs old, daylight on a summer Monday mid-morning it would be a walk in the park.
        We have a fair number of drownings here, same factors in play: awful conditions, alcohol or dope, no safeguards, etc.
        Some of the simplest mistakes in judgement can be very expensive.

      • Nephilium

        No. 20 years old, daylight on a summer Monday mid-morning, and you would still likely not make it.

        This is an active freight waterway, with barges coming down on a regular basis. They do not stop, they do not turn, and they will not see you in the water in front of them. Add to that, there isn’t a shore on either side. It’s built up on both sides down there, (as a reference). Under 300 feet across, but there’s also a current that will move you as well.

      • Suthenboy

        Ah. I have only seen it on a map. Gotcha.

    • Suthenboy

      *There are a couple of places where the Mississippi is narrow enough and a few places you can barely see the far shore. In the narrow places there is the same amount of water passing as the places you can barely see across. In those narrow spots the current looks like the Colorado at high water ripping by. Too dangerous.
      It is impossible to grasp the scale of the Mississippi down here unless you spend some time up close to it in person. Looking at it make you feel very, very small.

  9. kinnath

    List of accomplishments that happened but weren’t actually goals

    Waded across the Mississippi

    Stood on the southern-most point in the Asia continent

    Stood on the western-most point in the European continent

    • Suthenboy

      Wait a minute, need some qualification here. This westernmost point in European continent….where was that?

      • kinnath

        Misspoke (mistyped). Western-most point in Europe not the European continent (the western tip of Ireland).

        Singapore would be the southern most tip of the Asian continent by not Asia.

        Got to keep those two point correct.

      • kinnath

        At any rate, google is telling me something different than the Irish told me.

        Bastards 😉

      • Suthenboy

        “Bastards”
        Who? Google or the Irish?

      • kinnath

        Google or the Irish?

        yes

    • Fourscore

      As a kid growing up I never dreamed of traveling, When I left for the army, 19 years old, had never been out of MN.

      • ron73440

        When I went to boot camp in Parris Island SC, 2 weeks after I turned 18, that was the first time I had been more than 100 miles from home.

  10. Ownbestenemy

    Nice winds but at least it’s not heavy rains.