Then we had to do some debate preparation. I and three others were the stand-ins for our opponents. It’s impossible to overstate the value of good training. We wouldn’t have a lot of control over how the stage was set-up, and given Alexandra’s height disadvantage compared to her opponents, it was a struggle to devise countermeasures. There are various factors that put women in a psychological hole compared to men in politics and other arenas where they compete with men for power and status. One factor is vocal pitch; people just naturally trust deeper voices more. It’s the reason why narrators in movies always have deep voices. Same goes for the actors portraying the voices of gods and other authority figures. It even works in reverse: give a bad guy a deep voice and now he’s a force to be reckoned with.
I gave Alexandra a list of suggestions. They included: standing up straight, maintaining a neutral facial expression rather than smiling, and being direct in her remarks and responses. I explained that powerful people know their status and use certain behaviors to distinguish themselves from others. Ultimately, there are no true meritocracies, and power is often seized and held by whoever simply wants it the most.
She wanted to talk a lot about the nuts and bolts of her ideas and policies. My response was that she was better off learning a few good, clean jokes and deploying them at the right moment. It’s incredible how many politicians don’t seem to know anything about humor and what a great tool it is for being charismatic and persuasive. I had an interesting conversation once with a lawyer in a bar about this. He told me a story of a slip-and-fall case from improperly textured concrete on a hotel’s property. He was representing the injured party who was suing the hotel. The hotel hired an engineering expert who tried to wow the jury with various equations to establish his expertise. When it was time to cross examine him, the lawyer pointed to the poster with the equations and said it looked like Greek to him. The expert witness said it was Greek and tried to explain the symbols, but the rest of the courtroom just broke into laughter. He fell right into the lawyer’s trap. The lawyer won the case, and the whole outcome turned on a joke anyone could tell in three seconds.
As part of her debate preparation, I told Alexandra to read the if-by-whiskey speech and write something similar about an issue she cared about. Here is the if-by-whiskey speech:
My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, this is how I feel about whiskey:
If when you say whiskey you mean the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.
But, if when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman’s step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life’s great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.
This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.
She went to the typewriter she gave me and spent a few hours banging out a speech. Here is what she wrote:
Politicians are well-known for taking clear and consistent stances and holding firmly to them. I do likewise. The issue I am most passionate about is our military. Let me tell you what I think about it.
If when you speak of our military, you mean the war machine which cost us so much blood and treasure in Vietnam and Korea, the complex which that esteemed former commander Eisenhower warned of and denounced; if you mean the cause by which so many of our young men have been pressed into bondage where many were later killed and crippled; if you mean the tool of imperial folly which has made world peace a pipe dream for so long, then certainly I am against the military.
But, if when you speak of our military, you mean graves of all the heroes in Arlington, or the flag our marines raised on Iwo Jima; if you mean the men who stormed the beaches of Normandy, Tarawa, and a hundred other places, or the gallant charge of Teddy Roosevelt and his Rough Riders up San Juan Hill; if you mean the last stand at the Alamo or desperate winter survival of Washington’s army at Valley Forge, then certainly I am absolutely in favor of our military.
These are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.
“Well done, my love. The Groucho Marx quote is a nice touch. You’re learning how to talk out of both sides of your mouth.”
She turned toward me and gave a salute.
“…people just naturally trust deeper voices more…”
What are you trying to say, Kemosabe?
There’s a reason why Darth Vader’s voice was not from the guy wearing the costume.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQFho0_G1VI
Lowest voice in the world:
Tim Storms – Lonesome Road
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtAltg0ZIrY
My dulcet helium tones are triggered, I say!
Case in point.
Still have to go with Thurl Ravenscroft
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OW19OY7Dl1o&pp=ygUkYXNsZWVwIGluIHRoZSBkZWVwIHRodXJsIHJhdmVuc2Nyb2Z0
Now that guy was awesome. Here’s one of my favorites:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PCM_4vYYgC4
Not as low as Thurl, but still some good toxically masculine singing.
You slay me, Derpy.
I made a thing! Coming soon.
Me right now
Your check to Google cleared! Pushed in my YT feed right now.
Real politick
Brrr. I need some more global warming over here.
Wakey, wakey peeps.
🌄☕🍁
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0qanF-91aJo
Reaching back a bit farther today. 🎶🎶
Ha the soundtrack of my toddler youth. Our classic rock station played it constantly.
Good morning Sean, rhy, U, Suthen, homey, and Ted’S., and good afternoon, Pie!
Morning, How goes?
So far, kinda meh. I haven’t had the nerve to try bundling up and going out on the balcony because my phone app says it’s 42 degrees (American, Pie) and raining. How about you?
(“Feels like 38” 🥶)
Ok, I got brave and came outside. Not raining at the moment. I can tolerate it for a while. And it is very peaceful (except for the one guy down below talking on his mobile phone.)
I had to drain my trash can from accumulated rain water to be nice to the garbagemen.
I really just want to call out of work but I’m already connected so I might as well watch my email and attend the meeting this afternoon.
Draining the can was very considerate of you. 🙂👍
https://x.com/TrumpWarRoom/status/1845835806776217629
How can you not vote for that? 😂😂
I would but I do not have a visa.
Neither do most of the people swarming the border.
In fact, walk across from Canukistan and you’ll probably get more money than hurricane victims.
The people in power have decided that the best sock puppets are ones that are barely sentient. Obama was a somewhat charismatic super slick-shit but a brainwashed socialist idiot. Biden is demented. Harris? She makes aquarium fish look like Albert fuckin’ Einstein. The ‘ I have to find a VP pick worse than I am’ is not just a bumper sticker.
Is Walz still around? Did his name appear on the ticket in disappearing ink or hat?
🥴 ← LOL
Like, far out, man!
suh’ fam
(asshole client decided at 20:30 last night “I need you on-site by 0615”)
whats goody
TALL (419) CANS!
I thought it was Winston’s Mom who had a client for her asshole.
I’m not in the mood to listen to idiots today…
…dammit, I’ve got work today.
I thought you worked for the government
Good morning all!
Good morning, Beau (and 4(20)!)