“Fucking Joe Biden” Kamala said with withering disgust. “We had fucking Puerto Ricans all sewn up!”
“W-w-we s-s-ure did,” said Tim around the bit in his mouth.
“I swear he’s doing it on purpose, the doddering old fool.” Kamala stomped around her office. “And fucking Joe Rogan. Goddamn peasant!”
She slapped Tim and sighed in pleasure. “Beating you is the only time I feel THE JOY, Timmy.” She wiped a tear off his face with her thumb.
“JOY,” she said, “What a stupid slogan. I’ll show them fucking JOY.”
“Ma’am?” an intern said, the third one she’d gone through in a day.
“GET OUT! GET OUT!,” she screamed, chasing the intern out of the room. “You’re fired!” She pointed around the outer office of interns and other flavors of sycophants. “You’re all fired! Find a box, put your shit in it, and get the fuck out!”
The intern manager hit the panic button and an emergency box of Franzia Rosé dropped from the ceiling and then she ran.
Kamala lifted the box, popped out the spigot and suckled at it like a hamster, dousing her pantsuit in pale pink wine and drooled blood.
Elle swept into the office, wearing nothing but a vest made of astroturf and a Rugrats-brand diaper.
“An intern gave me this, Momala” she said, handing a sheet of paper to Kamala. “Them were crying behind a potted plant.”
Kamala wiped her face on her sleeve and took the paper.
“Pennsylvania? I’m not going back to Pennsylvania. Fuck that Appalachia trash garbage fuckhole state,” Kamala said.
Ella took the Franzia box from her as Kamala stomped around the office knocking things off the intern desks. “Why can’t I find anyone to work for me but frightened morons?”
“You hire the stunning and brave, the very best Gen Z has to offer,” Ella said, pirouetting.
Kamala snorted.
“Such a vibrant array of sexualities and hair colors,” she said, her tone all dreamy. “Did you know that Javier is a demi-pan stuffie-fucker? Or that Toblerone is exclusively attracted to cancer patients? So inspiring!”
“Fucking freaks,” Kamala muttered.
“Freaks?” Ella said, shocked. “This is the Democratic faithful! Throw in fat Black women and White sluts and you’ve got your base.”
“Ella, please, I have a headache.”
“Dadala says you get those a lot. Maybe you should see a doctor.”
“I just want to be President,” Kamala moaned. “I want to make them all pay.”
“I know, Momala,” Ella said, resting her head on Kamala’s shoulder, smearing it with purple eye-shadow and bilious green lipstick.
“You look like you gave a leprechaun a blowjob,” Kamala said semi-soberly.
“Thank you! That’s exactly what I was going for.”
I expect the campaign will pivot to JOI in the next couple of days.
And there it is; a spider’s eye view of bitter drunken anguish from Kamp Kamala.
O M G
<3
+!
*BRAVO!* indeed. Every bit of that sentence is spectacular. Ms. Hatcher smugly smirks in agreement.
and
Take your pick
BTW, THANK YOU to whoever fixed Monocole to put the comment bar at the bottom of the page.
You’re welcome! I’m glad it worked.
I didn’t even realize, thanks!
Thanks so much for creating this and keeping it updated, Trashy. You’re the best.
Thanks! I’ll re-install when I find it.
Found it…still no monocle. I’ll restart tomorrow.
Oh! Thanks trashy!!
Can someone splain to me like I’m Joe Biden how to get the Monocle update?
You, uh, go to th-thing, and you, you know, downwind something and then you, you know.
If you have tamper monkey, just wait, it’ll deploy automatically the next time your browser checks for updated.
If you have some other tool or just want it now click here
Better a stuffie-fucker than a stuffie-fuckee. I think.
I’m not sure what a Stuffie is, and I’m afraid to look at work.
Stuffed animal. People that have sex with them are also called “plushies.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plushophilia
Think of it as being a reverse-furry.
I had to read that line twice.
The voices in my head are having a gay old time with it.
“You look like you gave a leprechaun a blowjob,” Kamala said semi-soberly.
“Thank you! That’s exactly what I was going for.”
Beautiful.
Arrright, who fucked with wordpress?
I think WordPress fucked with WordPress. What issue are you experiencing? OS and browser? I know that certain features are flakey in Firefox under Windows 10, like I sometimes have to refresh a post I’m editing to get it to show me the Featured Image control.
Font change.
“Fuck that Appalachia trash garbage fuckhole state”
I lol’d.
“I just want to be President,” Kamala moaned. “I want to make them all pay.”
It’s not exactly a secret.
Between Kammy and his wife, I can only assume that Tim’s safeword is ‘More!’
I thought it was gargling noises and his face turning purple.
Excuse me, I am trash, not garbage! Only a clean supremacist wouldn’t know the difference!
I’m sorry, I was quite insensitive earlier in the day.
Franzia Rosé still gets me every time.
Fond memories. Slap bag was my favorite college drinking game.
I’m almost afraid to ask.
Pull the bag out of the franzia box. Hold it up over somebody’s head. Open the valve and have the person slap the bag. When it stops moving they can stop drinking. I don’t remember how we kept it from splashing everywhere.
Ya know, Kams strikes me as more of a vodka gal. Mainly because I’m thinking day-drinking and wine don’t really go together.
Worked for the gals on Absolutely Fabulous.
And having the box drop from the ceiling is the best. Like Samuel Beckett’s “Act Without Words.”
“Dadala says you get those a lot.”
Is that because Dougie slaps her around or is it because she doesn’t want to sleep with him?
“ Them were crying behind a potted plant.”
Potted plants seem to play a role in many of the best stories of today.
He’s the Art Frahm of our time.
https://flashbak.com/the-erotic-pictures-of-art-frahm-women-in-peril-with-celery-sticks-15903/
James Lileks has a section of his website dedicated to Frahm:
https://lileks.com/institute/frahm/index.html
lol Wonderfully pervy.
Yeah, that’s where I first saw it. His commentary is hilarious.
I used to read Lileks almost every day. Kind of forgot about him.
Almost normal:
https://lileks.com/institute/frahm/art13.html
Lileks has a SubStack now. If you’ve read him, it’s what you would expect. He got basically laid off by his paper – took it pretty hard. I’ve always liked him; I suspect partly because we are close in age. It’s astounding to me that I was reading him when his daughter was a toddler, and now she’s in college.
Huh, didn’t know that. That paper sucks balls anyway.
Last column:
https://www.startribune.com/lileks-why-is-this-column-like-deep-dish-pizza/601070212
Very Glib-appropriate.
Yeah, I remember reading him like 20 years ago. The gallery of regrettable foods is amazing. Plus he has what might be my all-time favorite paragraph on the internet. Let’s see if I can find it….
Nope. Something about Avril Lavigne might have a down payment on punk if they find her passed out in a gutter surrounded by pills she puked up.
“Elle swept into the office, wearing nothing but a vest made of astroturf and a Rugrats-brand diaper”
Pretty sure she works with these zombies.
https://avavav.com/nam/runway
Clothes they picked up at Goodwill on the way to their drug dealer.
“ Kamala lifted the box, popped out the spigot and suckled at it like a hamster”.
We truly deserve SF
Hey Mikey!
I’ve been watching this for a few days:
https://bringatrailer.com/listing/1960-austin-healey-3000-mk-i-54/#comments-anchor
Did you put many miles on yours this summer?
Hey Tundra. No miles in he last year. It’s an adventure in HealthCare Land – that chemo shit ain’t good for you. Lookin’ good now though.
ODs apart on the workbench. I effed it up the first tine – car restoration is not a hobby for someone ADHD! Winter project.
The BaT Healey looks good. They did a nice job. Price is about what I would expect
So many good lines, it is hard to choose. Rugrat diaper? *chef’s kiss*
– “I just want to be President,” Kamala moaned. “I want to make them all pay.” –
*shades eyes, watches ball sail out of sight over the stands*
More “Rednecks In The Mist”:
https://hotair.com/headlines/2024/10/30/my-long-strange-trip-to-madison-square-garden-to-meet-the-trumpies-n3796477
We might as well live on different planets.
Triggernometry responds.
I cant tell anymore. Is the nation article a parody?
Granted I only glanced over it as I am on my way out of the door but….are they making fun of themselves?
“Long strange trip”. The writer lives in Manhattan.
I’ve been watching this for a few days:
Nice Healey. A Goodwood clip of a 3000 and an XK150 duelling it out on the race track showed up on my roku channel the other day. Cars slide so well on those old skinny tires.
That was crazy! Smoked the Porsches. Too bad about the hood.
“Kamala lifted the box, popped out the spigot and suckled at it like a hamster, dousing her pantsuit in pale pink wine and drooled blood.”
You are right up there with the greatest of the wordsmiths. (Any relation to STEVE SMITH?)
WORD SMITH SAY PEN MIGHTIER THAN SWORD AND BY SWORD MEAN…
A Double Stacked day. Nice. 2 SF stories AND a NEW cartoon tonight!
It’s like getting a winning scratch off ticket!
Getting my mail tonight, a random neighbor walking his dog commented that he likes my new wheels. I don’t even know the guy. GF still hasn’t noticed.
This surprises you? Pretty sure I could paint mine and my wife wouldn’t notice for quite awhile.
Mildly surprised, yeah.
These euphemisms are getting positively decorative.
Re: “GF still hasn’t noticed”
If she had, you’d be gay.
Because she would most likely be a guy.
And that would be gay.
For you to be dating a guy.
Time to take out the trash!
https://x.com/EndWokeness/status/1851752943046774891
https://pabaconfest.com/
Baconfest this weekend.
Well damn, I don’t have plans and I love bacon!
https://www.breitbart.com/entertainment/2024/10/30/kamala-camp-continues-cringey-male-outreach-billy-eichner-will-ferrell-direct-white-men-on-the-street-to-shout-i-support-kamala/
Desperate. Pathetic.
No. Brave. They are doing it deep in the heart of MAGA country, NYC.
Of course, because they’d be lynched if they ventured out into the Mists of MAGA.
Will they find anyone to shout their abortions??
That’ll help sew up that swing state of *checks notes* New York 🙄
What is it with aging comedians?
they all eventually turn in old lesbians
Not just comedians:
https://imgs.search.brave.com/Ic8ek5Yy2_JEbXp8gXl0ysKDLLNHGR6yEHt9fFZ9Gv8/rs:fit:860:0:0:0/g:ce/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cu/cnV0aGVja2VyZGhh/bGwuY29tL2Fzc2V0/cy9pbWcvMTQ0MHg3/MjAtNC1mZWYwMzhl/YjQ0LmpwZw
@Tundra – Martin Short is aging terribly.
Who are those ladies, Tundra?
Who are those ladies, Tundra?
Goo Goo Dolls lol
The one on the left looks like Johnny Goo.
JFC
Remember black lesbian non-binary something something movie director on the sidewalk outside of the theater where her movie opened begging people to go in and see it for free? I dont remember exactly what it was but it was some kind of over the top grievance horseshit. She got no takers.
Oh great. “Funny or Die” is back. Give me a second…. I’m thinking.
They should go back to The Big Texan in Amarillo and start pissing people off again.
Hey Sheldon – look what was on my favorite Svalbard Youtuber’s channel: https://ibb.co/cLZrsX2
Trump taking out the trash: Want to know who is important? Make them disappear. If a pol, any pol, take your pick disappears would you notice?
How about your mayor? The ambassador to Slovenia? Your state Rep? governor? How would your life change and how soon would you notice?
How about your garbage man? The guys that keep the electricity on? Stock the grocery stores? The guys that keep the gasoline flowing? How would your life change if they disappeared and how soon?
Who is important?
Mr. Suthen, you are not progressivizing in the approved manner.
To think moar betterer, you will be sent on an all expenses prepaid vacation courtesy ofComrade Stalin.
I’m probably right behind you.
Franzia Rosé
The choice of discerning winos.