Woke Charmed Tudors: Mid-season Break

by | Oct 10, 2024 | Woke Charmed | 131 comments

Fair Glibertariat, I am sick. And the only thing worse than trying to recap My Lady Pain Jane when feeling 100% is trying to do it when you’re sick. Especially because episode 5 is already like a fever dream, what with all the nuns and the decadent Labyrinth masquerade scenes and the random introduction of a Maguffin halfway through the series.

So in lieu of a recap this week, I present you with this montage of Stan Dudley being Stan for 51 seconds. Now feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

About The Author

Mythical Libertarian Woman

Mythical Libertarian Woman

Who is MLW? The people of the local village only speak of her in whispers and fear. They say she lives up on the mountain, consorting with all manner of spirits. Children are warned never to approach her cabin for fear of being eaten. At times the women of the village will leave offerings and requests to her, hoping she will beckon the power of the Dark Gods to do their bidding. On every Hallow's Eve, a single child is left chained to a rock near her dwelling, in the hopes that such an offering will please her and remove the village from her ire.

131 Comments

  1. Rat on a train

    I feel dumber having watched that montage.

    • juris imprudent

      It’s chilling thinking she watches the entire thing just to entertain us with the non-toxic doses.

      • The Other Kevin

        I think I have a fairly strong constitution but then I see what she puts herself through, and I realize how truly weak I am.

    • Sean

      Failed your saving throw, eh?

      • Nephilium

        Saving throw? What do you think this is? Some adolescent game?

        Sanity check please.

      • R.J.

        +1 sarcasm for Neph’s next roll.

      • slumbrew

        “There. I am insane now.”

      • Aloysious

        RJ, does Neph have advantage or disadvantage?

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m sorry, Aloysious, but you’re holding the wrong rulebook.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      To be honest, it looks so bad that it might be good.

  2. juris imprudent

    “I can feel it Dave, I can definitely feel it. I am losing my mind”

    • Sensei

      “Daisy, Daisy / Give me your answer, do. / I’m half crazy / all for the love of you”

  3. The Late P Brooks

    I am sick.

    I hope it’s not brain damage from watching this show.

  4. Aloysious

    In the spirit of Woke Charmed: Tudors edition, I would like to offer up some culture.

    Strut by the one and only Steven Seagal.

    Here, he adopts a reggae style, and sings about the punani. I don’t know what a punani is, I’m assuming some kind of regional crepe.

    Such refinement, much class. I’ve done Ted’s proud.

    • juris imprudent

      some kind of regional crepe

      Cousin to a taco.

      • Fourscore

        “some kind of regional crepe”

        I misread that…

    • Tundra

      Perfect for Kamala’s inauguration party.

      • Rat on a train

        annoying background laughter
        My wife watches Filipino shows. This sound effect is over used and grating.

    • The Other Kevin

      I think one of you posted that not long ago. I’ve sent that to a few people. I still can’t believe that exists.

    • CPRM

      Back in the early aughts a guy who worked on some really big movies spoke at my film schools, and talked about when he met with Seagal about possibly doing a movie.

      Seagal sat in a kimono in a pagoda surrounded by Dobermanns and kept talking about how he knew about the CIA’s time machine.

      • slumbrew

        That’s just perfect.

      • Tundra

        Was she there?

        Because that would be pretty cool.

      • Tundra

        @Toxeth thank you! I’ve never seen that before. Legit LOL.

        “May a moody baby DOOOOM a yam”

      • Ted S.

        Tulsa nightlife: filth, gin, a slut.

    • EvilSheldon

      A relevant YouTube documentary!

      By the standards of fake martial artists, Steven Seagal is on the classy side. He’s at least managed 2-½ pretty good movies.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, my brother is one of you and we used to get some good laughs, particularly in Under Siege and beyond.

        And I agree, the first two were good movies. Looking at the list I must have tapped out after On Deadly Ground.

  5. Not Adahn

    In today’s Quest for Occult Knowledge, I have learned how to access the secret service menu for Chromeleon 7.X

    • Sensei

      Was it just a matter of separating into its underlying components?

      • Not Adahn

        Actually, it was similar to the procedure in 6.X, but tricksier.

        For Chromeleon 6, you’d open the online help window, and type ctrl+shift+0. This would open anew window and generate a number back in lower right corner of the help window. You would type that number into the new popup window backwards in order access the secret service menu (that lets you deactivate safeties and interlocks, including those that serve no purpose other than to buy consumables from ThermoFisher).

        The version 7… version is to hold down ctrl+shift, then used the mouse to select “About Chromeleon [version number]” under the help toolbar. And to make it even more secure, you need to type an “a” before the first and second digit of the number (read backwards).

        Any you people think Astrology is nonsense.

      • Sensei

        It’s the way I feel about the touch and swipe gestures on my iPad.

        It’s like three fingers swiped diagonally from the right to the left. It needs to be fast but not too fast…

        They are all nuts and I only use and can remember like about six of them. Best part is they are essentially undocumented.

      • Nephilium

        Sensei:

        No one documents anything anymore, since no one reads the documentation.

        /laments the loss of physical game manuals and the like

      • Sensei

        Nephilium – how else are you supposed to answer the copy protection questions?

      • R.J.

        I know a guy who knows a guy who has an Adobe file with the copy protection answers.

  6. LCDR_Fish

    Legacy nutpunch guest starring IJ involvement.

    https://www.nationalreview.com/2024/10/fbi-raids-wrong-house-dodges-accountability/

    Years have passed, but the case still has not reached a trial. The U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Georgia dismissed the lawsuit on technicalities raised by the federal government, and the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals upheld the decision on April 22, 2024.

    Martin and Cliatt now feel as if they have been wronged twice — once on the night of the raid and again in the legal system.

    They are now turning to the Supreme Court. Martin and Cliatt filed a petition for review on September 27, 2024. Our public-interest law firm, the Institute for Justice, represents them. Through our Project on Immunity and Accountability, we know how difficult it can be to hold the government accountable when its agents cause harm.

    Martin and Cliatt’s case would be shocking even if the Atlanta raid were an isolated incident. But mistakes like this one keep happening. Right now, our firm is litigating raids in Georgia, Texas, and Indiana. In each case, police raided the wrong house based on sloppy mistakes and refused to take responsibility. And in each case, courts sided with the government, citing different technicalities.

  7. LCDR_Fish

    TOK – regarding reverse storm surge…not exactly the same way, but we’ve gotten some crazy windstorm weather in NoVA before – a few times the last decade where the potomac is nearly dry (stream in the middle), between tides, high (constant wind) and additional seasonal considerations. Really nuts to see.

      • CPRM

        The sea level around Washington is rising faster than anywhere else on the East Coast — partially because the land is sinking, partially because of climate change. These old stone walls near West Potomac Park used to be above water but are now submerged.

        The swampy land is sinking, because of Climate Change!

      • PutridMeat

        you’ll never guess what’s on the bottom

        Uh, mud, sticks, and trash?

        Number 4 will astonish you! Click now!

    • Nephilium

      Not at the same level, but this happens every couple of years around here. I’ve been caught driving on there twice when the waves were coming over.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Obviously due to sea level rise.

    • CPRM

      I blame Moses.

    • The Other Kevin

      It makes sense, when water levels rise that water has to come from somewhere. A lot of people died during that big tsunami because the water went out and they didn’t realize how fast it would come back in. It is pretty shocking when you see it.

      • Nephilium

        Yeah, the rule of thumb I always heard was if you see the water pulling back further than normal, it’s time to head to high ground.

  8. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    I missed it yesterday: On October 9th, 1967, Che Guevara magically transformed from a bad commie to a good commie.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “I am Che Rivera and I’m worth more to you alive than dead.”

      Supposedly his words when he surrendered. Funny that he understood the value proposition, what with him being a communist and all, right before a bullet permanently washed his brain.

  9. B.P.

    Speaking of feeling ill, I give you the Taco Bell 50K ultramarathon:

    https://coloradosun.com/2024/10/10/taco-bell-50k-ultramarathon-denver-crunch-wrap/

    31 miles, 10 menu items at 10 stores; if you vomit you’re out.

    “Evans, who was in second, found herself in front not because she passed the leader, but because the leader barfed right in front of her as the two were running to the seventh stop. It was a sobering moment.”

    • Nephilium

      Mildly related, there’s always the beer miles and (somewhat locally) the Tour De Donut.

      • B.P.

        Wow. Beer mile is for real.

      • slumbrew

        Marathon du Medoc

        (on the wife’s bucket list)

      • CPRM

        Deadhead participates in a few ultra-marathons that involve beer drinking, I believe.

      • EvilSheldon

        So I don’t run unless I’m being chased by demons, but the Marathon du Medoc looks like it could be a fun time…

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        My wife has suggested we do the Honolulu Marathon, but the Marathon du Medoc looks much more fun. She works for a winery, so maybe she can expense it.

      • slumbrew

        The only issue with the Marathon du Medoc for my wife is that the 6 1/2 hour cutoff might be an issue these days, even without stopping for wine.

        I think she’d just have to go into it resigned to DNF.

      • slumbrew

        This 20 min video of a guy running the whole thing (in a respectable 4:10) really gives a good feel for it:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMd95UP1FM4

        The oysters near the end might be tough.

        The 14 wine stops is impressive.

  10. J. Frank Parnell

    Cripplefight!

    Climate Defiance
    @ClimateDefiance
    UPDATE: We shut down the luncheon honoring fracking enthusiast
    @mattyglesias
    .

    A third-rate “thought leader,” this Harvard half-wit is ready and willing to incinerate his own child in the name of being “provocative.”

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      My, how the Hapsburgs have fallen.

    • B.P.

      I really hope I’m never in a lecture or something when a group of soyed-up, self-satisfied, never-had-a-job, know-it-alls decides to take over in order to save democracy/the planet/etc., because I don’t want lengthy jail time for assault.

      • creech

        Maybe someone calls 911 and says “My God, I think they shot a cop.”? Of course you then risk the cops shooting the wrong people.

    • rhywun

      We exist to shake society awake.

      Fuck off, commie.

  11. DEG

    I am sick.

    #metoo

    Especially because episode 5 is already like a fever dream, what with all the nuns and the decadent Labyrinth masquerade scenes and the random introduction of a Maguffin halfway through the series.

    Oh boy.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Must be what’s going around. Went home sick today too to WFH

    • R.J.

      Wow. You need to submit that as a lead.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Thats…what? Eating the Body of Kamala I presume?

      • Tundra

        Trannysubstantiation?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’m mildly aroused but why’d you cut out the parts where they start kissing and get nekkid?

    • rhywun

      “If you feed them. They will never leave. 😬”

      LOL

    • rhywun

      Imagine being hauled in front of your employer’s “Race and Culture Unit”. I wonder if they punish your family two or three generations up and down, too.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Ethel Kennedy, Mother of RFK jr, died. Of shame, probably.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Weird

    The morning after Vice President Kamala Harris handily defeated Donald Trump in a debate, the Democrat’s campaign announced that she wanted to debate him again. The former president initially expressed reluctance to the idea before declaring a day later that there would be no rematch.

    ——-

    In fact, the all-caps, 135-word tirade that the former president published to his social media platform was quite weird. Trump insisted that he “won” the previous debate (he didn’t), claimed he’s “leading in the all the polls” (he’s not), and concluded “there is nothing to debate” (there’s plenty to debate).

    Kamala wiped the floor with him. If MSNBC says it, it’s true.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They’re trying to resurrect the “weird” thing, eh? Even back when it had some traction it was stupid and it’s even stupider now.

      • rhywun

        It had “traction” to the extent that America didn’t really know anything about Walz yet.

        As usual, it is projection 💯% of the time with them.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Huh while he did terrible as time went on people actually were saying she lost

    • rhywun

      handily defeated Donald Trump in a debate

      lolwut

      Oh, MSNBDNC. Carry on.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Huh while he did terrible as time went on people actually were saying she lost

    She mostly stuck to her script and dutifully spouted her substanceless slogans.

    If that’s how you define winning.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      That, and Trump rambled all over the place.

    • The Other Kevin

      Brooks, I agree that she “won” the debate, but she never got an uptick in the polls. Here we are weeks later and the only thing people remember is “They’re eating the cats”, which turned into a few viral songs.

      • The Other Kevin

        They have got to be so frustrated that the biggest “gotcha” moments turn into viral memes and actually help the guy.

    • slumbrew

      Nooooooope.

      • Sean

        ^^^

      • Tundra

        Not as bad as I expected. But I have a pretty good grossness tolerance.

      • slumbrew

        Excellent choice. That song slaps, as the kids say. (Do they still say that?)

      • PutridMeat

        I think “Penile Replantation” will the title of my experimental psychedelic prog art-rock band’s second album.

        Or maybe that’s better for my grind-core project.

    • R.J.

      That’s something Mojeaux used to document for medical procedures.

    • EvilSheldon

      Horrifying, but impressive nonetheless.

      Kind of like my own penis, in fact.

      ducks, runs for cover

  15. Ed Wuncler

    I can’t wait till this election is done. Fucking tired of people (especially 0n the Left) working themselves up in a frenzy at the possibility of a 2nd Trump Administration. I want Trump to win but if he does, I’m not looking forward to the wailing and gnashing of teeth 24/7 and the fever dream that we will be living in the Fourth Reich.

    • Tundra

      Fifth. The Fourth was 2017-2021.

      It just didn’t feel that Reich-y and we missed it.

      • Ed Wuncler

        I wasn’t alive during the Third Reich but I swear that I didn’t see anyone go to the camps or us trying to invade Canada or Mexico.

    • R.J.

      You will be even more tired of leftist BS after the election. No matter who wins. They will either gloat or go on a rampage.

      • The Other Kevin

        If they win they will go down the Bill of Rights negating them one by one, in order to ensure there is never a populist movement ever again.

        If they lose, I expect rioting, and the Dem leadership has already talked about opposing Trump at every turn, including not certifying the election if that’s an option.

      • slumbrew

        “It’s different when we do it – we had to destroy Our Democracy™ in order to save Our Democracy™”

      • Ed Wuncler

        And the toothless GOP will meekly try to protest it but secretly go along with the whittling of our BOR.

    • Nephilium

      At least we don’t have a lot of Trump/Harris ads (I’ve only seen a handful of Harris ads).

      Brown/Moreno ads on the other hand… I want them both to lose.

      • Ed Wuncler

        Most of my neighbors have a Brown sign sitting aside their Harris/Waltz signs in their front yards. I’ve probably seen like three Moreno signs and they were all in Shaker Heights. Coincidently, I think his son in law who is a rep grew up in Shaker.

      • Ed Wuncler

        And Neph I have a question. How do you feel about the gerrymandering referendum?

      • Nephilium

        Ed:

        In general, I’m against it. Especially because of the groups supporting it. It’s not anti-gerrymandering, it’s different gerrymandering. As it stands, the current commission is heavily weighted pro-Republican (as Brown is the only statewide elected Democrat and it’s three elected officials, and four appointed ones from elected officials). The new rules go for five Republicans, five Democrats, and five “independent or members of other parties”, and requires a vote of 9 with at least two from each group. I stand against, and HATE anything that gives more codification to the Republicans and Democrats as the “main parties”, and would rather it be forcing the lines to be either county, city, or city level districts to make the state wide districts.

      • Ed Wuncler

        When I saw the public sector unions supporting it, I knew it was something fishy going on.

      • Nephilium

        Ed:

        One of the small joys I get in my life is hearing the progs complain about how their “rights” are being trampled by the state. I mean, how dare the state say they can’t ban guns, they have RIGHTS!

    • R C Dean

      “I’m not looking forward to the wailing and gnashing of teeth 24/7”

      I kind of am.

      • Ed Wuncler

        I live in an incredibly Progressive part of Northeast Ohio and all of my in laws are liberals so while the tears will be funny for a minute, it’ll get old real fast.

      • Sean

        Offer to help them pack up to move to Canada.

      • Ed Wuncler

        I take joy in it because coming from Chicago I know exactly how they feel. I can buy as many guns as I want and my commie neighbors and the commie neighbor can’t do dick about it Ohio’s state law supersedes the village and county.

    • rhywun

      I can’t wait till this election is done.

      I am also really sick and tired of all the commercials. I have never seen so fucking many of them.

      • Sean

        I’m getting more spam texts than usual too.

        🙁

      • Ed Wuncler

        A canvasser the local Democrat Party knocked on my door and I decided to engage. I told her that I’m a libertarian who hates both the major parties and my wife is a good old fashioned Democrat. She was super nice but taken aback by my aversion towards the Dems.

        I hate the GOP but I despise the Dems and don’t think they should be anywhere near power. And also pissed that I may have to vote Trump simply because the opposition are a bunch of authoritarian morons.

        PS: Fuck the Libertarian Party for not having better candidates.

  16. The Other Kevin

    Today I got likes from Jay Bhattacharya and Walter Kirn on Twitter. It won’t be long before I have my own talk show.

    • slumbrew

      You’re totally on a list now.

      • Tundra

        Now?

        We’re on so many, who cares about a couple more.

      • slumbrew

        He’s on a high-class list now. The best lists, the greatest lists.

      • The Other Kevin

        Nobody’s ever seen a list like this before.

      • slumbrew

        Classy list. The classiest.