Dick Smart

by | Nov 14, 2024 | Film, Fun, GlibFlick | 114 comments

Now THAT is how you do a lobby card. I’d go just to figure out what that thing is she’s reclining on. (It’s a custom Vespa shell, which you could actually buy in the 60’s).

Dick Smart

Yes, you read that right. This is an Italian spy film from the 1960s, with some fun twists only an Italian 12 year old boy would think of. Such as a belt buckle that detects beautiful women. There are rare and exotic cars (and motor scooters) featured throughout the film which also makes this a fun viewing.

Note: Turn on captions! This movie is not officially subtitled, but it has English captions.

Does it even matter what this movie is about? Sure. Here’s a quick plot summary:

Lady Lister has gathered five of the most renowned nuclear scientists in the world and stashed them in her secret, underground Brazilian lair. She has developed a means of converting coal into diamonds using a controlled nuclear explosion.

OK, now on with the dick jokes. How can I not make jokes?

Do these glasses make my dick look smart?
Doesn’t riding all hunched over make your dick smart?

It’s out of my system now. Shpip and others can take over from here.

So watch! Or don’t! Everything is voluntary! Next week, I start Audience Appreciation Thursdays with some selections off the suggestion list! We will start with Hundreds of Beavers! I will have the full schedule posted next week. I have been extra whipped, trying to sell my house, dealing with a sharp uptake in work and having lots of social events. So my apologies for the brevity of reviews in the coming month.

Help! I Hate Movies!

I don’t really spray people with a hose anymore, so just talk about whatever you want. It’s Thursday! There are no rules! Just a secret movie short! BY SECRET MEAN…

About The Author

R.J.

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

114 Comments

  1. DEG

    I was hoping to join, but I’m still working. I’ll queue this up for later viewing. Thanks RJ!

    • Aloysious

      Yeah, me too.

      Stupid work.

  2. Common Tater

    “Note: Turn on captions! This movie is not officially subtitled, but it has English captions.”

    No Spanish though. Italian with English subs is kind of annoying.

  3. Common Tater

    “Do these glasses make my dick look smart?”

    “That’s the second worse joke I’ve ever heard.”

    • R.J.

      It was the better option for that picture.

    • R.J.

      The helicopter version looks downright terrifying. Don’t lean back!

      • rhywun

        More like, don’t even think of climbing onto that thing. 😱

      • Chafed

        I’ll bet Tundra has one.

  4. Common Tater

    LGBT telephones?

    • UnCivilServant

      Oh, that’s Lower Great Basin Telepone.

      • R.J.

        Well played.

  5. Common Tater

    They’re not going to stop with that tape echo effect are they?

    • R.J.

      No

    • R.J.

      Also, I swear that theme song has been used in another Italian spy film we have seen. It is very familiar.

      • Common Tater

        I think that “Caribbean” spy music sound started with Dr. No and a bunch spy movies copied it.

    • Common Tater

      On fucking Amazon. I liked back when the only night game was on Monday, and the whole country could watch for free.

      • R.J.

        I was hoping to find a Hitler Rants about football but the creator is clearly a European soccer fan.
        There was however, an episode wishing happy birthday to the Pittsburgh Pirates hat:

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=soaeZHp2o2k

      • rhywun

        Oh, football?

        I have Sabres. :shrug:

        I don’t have fucking Amazon, but I do have ESPN+ 🙂

      • R.J.

        You have to be over 18 to get Fucking Amazon.

      • Common Tater

        I had one of those hats, and gave it away to somebody.

      • Common Tater

        “You have to be over 18 to get Fucking Amazon.”

        That’s just un-American.

      • Chafed

        Me too but I’m grateful for my Thursday nights getting freed up.

    • Gender Traitor

      I just got here after cleaning up dinner dishes and prepping for trash night. I’m trading texts with a couple of my old high school girlfriends, and I need a good “Dad riddle” to counter one my old bestie posted, ideally with a pirate theme. Can you help me?

      • Common Tater

        I’ve heard of dad jokes, but I don’t know what a ““Dad riddle” is.

      • R.J.

        Where do you go to the bathroom on a ship with no toilet?

        THE POOP DECK ARRR HAR HAR HAR HAR.

      • R.J.

        What be a pirate’s favorite movie?

        The kind that be rated AAARRRRR

      • Gender Traitor

        R.J. gets it! Thanks! 🏴‍☠️

    • DEG

      I got done most of what I needed to for work.

      Back to the grind tomorrow.

  6. Gustave Lytton

    Food Wishes recipes suck and Chef John’s voice is more grating than Kamala.

    • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!

      /no, really his voice is kind of annoying.
      /I can’t fault his recipes unlike Alton who has led me astray twice

  7. Mojeaux

    Am working, sorry. Cancer, anemia, and fungal toes ahoy!

    • Chafed

      I… have nothing.

  8. Chafed

    This is the poster child for a 1960s Italian movie.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Needs moar Barbara Steele.

  9. Muzzled Woodchipper

    Piss all over the homepage. I’ve been commenting on the links post for going on 3 hours!

  10. rhywun

    Fox showing a snap of Bruce Jenner, Donald, and Elon at Mar-a-Lago.

    What. A. World.

    • Brochettaward

      We are either in the worst timeline or the best timeline. Hard to tell at times.

      • Brochettaward

        But rest assured that with me, you are always in…the Firstest timeline.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      How long until the media starts dead naming him?

      • rhywun

        I don’t think most of the MSM knows what to do with him. Her. Hell, I don’t either.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        They don’t, But he is a litmus test for how far they’ll continue to shove their tongue in the trans movement’s asshole.

      • rhywun

        I feel like he’s put enough effort into it to earn a “she”. There are some others. Deirdre McCloskey comes to mind.

        But I am glad that I haven’t been put to the test.

      • Chafed

        Both of them went all in. I’ll gladly call them she.

        It’s the Chappelle Rule.

    • Chafed

      Bruce is back?

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Were they having a dick measuring contest?

  11. Mojeaux

    So our kicker Harrison “women need to be in the kitchen making sammiches” Butker is having his meniscus trimmed. Like, WTF. So apparently we picked up a kicker from the Jets practice squad.

    The Jets went, “Oh, hey, wait. What if we put you on our roster.”

    Dude says, “Naw, I’d rather kick 4 times for the Chiefs.”

    • Chafed

      That’s a smart punter. The Jets should be renamed The New York Sadness Machine.

      • Mojeaux

        Not punter. Place kicker.

      • rhywun

        That name is already taken by the NY Giants.

      • Chafed

        Tomato, To-mah-tow.

  12. Aloysious

    I like hearing the actors pronounce ‘bomba’.

    makes me chuckle.

  13. Aloysious

    The sequal to this movie should have been named… Get Dick Smart.

    • Chafed

      There it is.

    • Aloysious

      Our Man Dick Smart

    • Aloysious

      Dick Smart – Deep in the Bush

    • Aloysious

      Blame it on Dick Smart in Rio.

  14. Aloysious

    Possibly the best line: “I don’t understand Dick.”

    • Aloysious

      “Every time you tinkle you’ll think of me.”

      At least, I think that was the line.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning Sean!

    • Grumbletarian

      Good morning, all. Still fighting a damn flu. Also concerned about the lack of Derpetologist.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, Grumble! So sorry you’re still ailing! I seem to recall Derpie doesn’t necessarily comment much except on his own posts, but….yeah… 😟

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Has anyone e-mailed him?

        Mornin’.

      • R.J.

        Yes. I emailed him. No response.

    • rhywun

      🎵 Nice 🎵

      Love the early stuff before they crawled so far up their own ass.

    • rhywun

      I kind of miss malls. The mall by me is on its last legs, and most of the shops that used to be there have moved to the huge ocean of strip malls on the other side of town. I can only guess that it’s cheaper to operate there.

      • UnCivilServant

        An indoor mall has higher overheads. It has a lot of non-revenue space that requires maintenance and climate control while not providing parking or customer attraction. The advantage of stacking multiple levels is offset by the parking solutions as it will then need either a proprotionally bigger lot or a multi-level garage which requires maintenance, and all of these “property improvements” mean it can’t even get away from a higher tax burden.

        A strip mall strips away the nonessential amenities. Store – parking – done.

      • rhywun

        Yup. I don’t find it very friendly to consumers but who cares about them.

      • Gender Traitor

        The mall of my childhood is gone completely. The next “big” one in the area, near my office, has clearly gone downhill – at least one big empty anchor space, maybe two, if Sears has closed. The next one, across town, isn’t doing so hot either.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Definitely missed, especially around the holidays. I was never a mall rat growing up but going to one was always a good time.

      • UnCivilServant

        The mall in my home town was at the exact opposite end of the city, and as someone with no money, the idea of shelling out for a bus ride each way, transferring busses downtown and the long ride just to be in a building where everything costs money was not appealing somehow.

      • rhywun

        Yah, I lived near a huge double-mall in my hometown. (After I went to college, they build another anchor store to connect them.)

        Anyway I loved all the little activities to keep the little ones distracted. I guess these days you can just park a phone or tablet in their hands.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        I definitely miss malls. I never really liked going to them all that often, but when I did go, I would enjoy myself. I particularly enjoyed taking the kids to a mall around Christmas time. And fucking outdoor mall because it’s cold as fuck.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Malls have become crime magnets. Even the Mall of America.

      Tourists and gangbangers are the only ones who go there anymore. Luckily for the MOA, the ratio still favors the touristas so far. Not by much anymore, but things are changing.

      • rhywun

        The mall in Jersey City was still very active up to last year before I moved away from the area. And yeah it felt a bit sketchy all the times I visited.

  15. Pope Jimbo

    Good Evening all you glorious weirdos.

  16. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    yo whats goody

    TALL (937) CANS!

    • Tres Cool

      Ayoo

    • R.J.

      Good morning.

  17. Tres Cool

    Marta the (mildly retarded) Shepherd is having her plumbing yanked out this morning.
    She’s not really “leash compliant” so getting her in the truck can be a chore.
    GT- Ill honk on the way past.

    • Gender Traitor

      Mind the cops in front of the neighbors’ house. Don’t know what’s up – TT says the hubby was trying to wire up a Ring doorbell. Do those notify cops under certain conditions? I thought they just let you see your front door.

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought they just let the Amazon staff see your front door.

      • Gender Traitor

        Wife’s car – a Kia – broken into, but not stolen. Back window broken out. 😒

      • UnCivilServant

        😳

        I mean, yours seemed like such a nice neighborhood.

        I have to assume the criminal saw something inside, smashed the windows and grabbed it.

      • R.J.

        Could be a kid taking revenge for some perceived wrong

      • Gender Traitor

        It IS a nice neighborhood, but it’s not very far from some not-so-nice neighborhoods, so occasionally we get interlopers. 😠

      • UnCivilServant

        🤔

        It may be a reflection of where I grew up that I jump to “theft” rather than “petty vandalism”.

  18. The Gunslinger

    Morning all. Mark Steyn brings up a crucial question regarding Elon and X this morning in his column:

    – “Can one man hold the line for freedom of speech across the entire planet?

    That’s an heroic effort. I hope he has a better security detail than Trump does…”