THE RESISTANCE – Episode 1

by | Nov 13, 2024 | DARK CRACKY, Sugarverse, THE RESISTANCE | 251 comments

“Where will we go?” Hunter asked his only friend. “My father’s huge mansion? The underground jizz fountain I bought with my art sales?”

“Fuck it,” Cracky said, “I’m not moving out.”

“Cracky?” Hunter asked.

“I’m not fucking going anywhere,” Cracky said.

“But when Trump moves back in…”

“I don’t care,” Cracky said.

“Wait, is that you Dark Cracky?” Hunter asked, petting his pet rock.

“ALL I AM IS DARK CRACKY NOW!” Cracky screeched. “I’ll live in the fuck tunnels, I’ll live in the walls, I’ll live in the goddamn attic with all of those albino kids Jill is poisoning.”

“I can’t believe you’d leave me,” Hunter said.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Cracky said. “He may have won the election…”

“Lower your voice,” Hunter said in a whisper. “They say she can hear everything.”

“Kamala is passed out drunk somewhere. Not even Obama pretends to give a shit about her any longer,” Cracky said. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll live under Barron’s giant damn bed if I have to.”

“Oh, Cracky,” Hunter said, hugging him.

“I will lead the resistance!” Cracky declared. “The Global Trumptifada begins now! We’ll contact those terrorist kids at Columbia and all those bald chicks on TikTok and White Catamites For Harris!”

“Some of those Dudes are so smooth,” Hunter admitted. “I bet you could barely tell the difference in the dark. Harry Sisson is hot, like a niece.”

“He will be a general in our army! Yes, we will rally all the troops: the abortion sluts, the fatties, the trannies, the fat trannies, Black women with huge fake nails, paid shills, the abortion sluts…”

“You listed ‘abortion sluts’ twice,” Hunter murmured.

“THAT’S HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE!”

“Can you keep it down?” Karine said, sleepy and cross.

“You want some more, baby?” Hunter asked.

“What am I doing?” Karine said, getting out of Hunter’s vile fuck tunnel nest and gathering up her clothes.

“You ask that every time,” Cracky croaked.

“Not the voice,” Karine said, “It’s just too early for this.” She wiped herself with her underwear and threw them into the darkness beyond Hunter’s lair.

Hunter rubbed Cracky against Karine’s ass-crack as she struggled to pull on her skirt.

“The blacker the berry…” Cracky purred.

Karine slapped Cracky out of Hunter’s hand.

“That won’t stop me!” Cracky cried from the filthy floor.

“This will never happen again,” Karine said and stomped off.

Cracky’s maniacal laughter followed her down the tunnel.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

251 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    Subterranean shenanigans.

  2. Tonio

    “Catamite” for the win.

    And the backstory (pun intended) for that is here.

    • Fourscore

      I’ve led a rather sheltered life but I’m getting an education now. I’m not sure how I can work that into my local vocabulary though.

      • Old Man With Candy

        “My catamite leave some poops for my doge to eat. Or he might not.”

    • EvilSheldon

      I think that Harry and Robert would get along famously. Clearly they already use the same brand of hair product…

    • SDF-7

      Tonio — solely because I don’t trust my email provider not to be screwy when I send stuff with lots of attachments, just wanted to let you know I sent my submission in whole and in parts. If you don’t see it — let me know so I can try to figure out if it got blocked somewhere/somehow or something. Thanks.

      • Tonio

        I’m behind on email. Sorry.

  3. rhywun

    “Not the voice,” Karine said, “It’s just too early for this.”

    It’s never too early for the voice.

    • Nephilium

      I’m not sure if I want to believe that Hunter has some essence of Death in him, or was trained by the Bene Gesserit.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    White Catamites for Harris. Ewwwww.

    • R C Dean

      “Harry Sisson is hot, like a niece.”

      Damn. Just, damn.

      • bacon-magic

        SugarFree will set you free.

  5. Fourscore

    Karine has her Inside Story book ready for publication, I betcha. Contains all the anecdotes and side stories with Cracky/Hunter/Finnegan

    • Nephilium

      Yeah but she doesn’t have any pull now, so what NGO is going to buy up the millions of copies to make it worthwhile for her to release it?

      • R.J.

        Soros will.

      • SugarFree

        She’ll get a cushy job at some liberal sinecure think tank or MSNBC. The book will come in 10 years or so, when the knives finally come out on the disastrous Biden/Harris admin.

      • Bobarian LMD

        If it has actual details of how the SS brought the crack into the White House in order to stop Hunter from buying it out in the front yard, then it might actually sell.

        Spice it up with some Strawberry on Backberry action? Best seller, Baby!

        The movie rights will be enough to buy an island.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Greetings from the anti-autocracy left

    On April 4th 1961, agents of the United States Department of Justice at the direction of Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy, picked up Carlos Marcello, the head of the Mafia in New Orleans, stuck him on a plane, and flew him to Guatemala, whereupon the Guatemalan authorities dumped him and his sharp suit and fancy shoes on top of a mountain in the middle of a tropical jungle. Marcello and his lawyer stumbled through rough terrain until they came to a small mountain village just over the border in El Salvador. Marcello was furious and, depending on who you talk to today, had his revenge on November 22, 1963 in Dallas.

    Now what RFK did to Marcello was extra-legal, profoundly unconstitutional, and harsh enough to make the ACLU scream bloody murder. Of course, President Kennedy didn’t have the blanket of immunity that the Supreme Court granted the president last July. Biden does, at least until the end of January.

    As a naturalized citizen, Elon Musk swore to defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic. He clearly has violated that oath by consorting with Vladimir Putin and by his blatant attempts to monkey-wrench the 2024 election. He jumped on a call between the president-elect and Volodymyr Zelensky. In addition, he allegedly worked in this country illegally. And I, for one, wouldn’t complain too loudly if, say, Elon Musk were to be stuck on a plane, flown to a remote airstrip in his native South Africa, and dumped in some desolate corner of the veldt.

    Just sayin’.

    Why not just take Trump long for the ride?

    • The Other Kevin

      Keep digging that hole, Dems.

    • rhywun

      consorting with Vladimir Putin

      lolwut

      • Suthenboy

        Yep. Dont you watch horror movies? The boogeyman never dies.

    • Ed Wuncler

      Jeebus.

      The Second Amendment exists for these sort who would willingly use government power to destroy and kill those opposed to their agenda.

    • Suthenboy

      They excel at willful ignorance in service to their true bleever narratives.

      Women cant get abortions.
      The president is above the law.

    • SarumanTheGreat

      Yeah, precedent when it’s then used against you is a bitch.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      the blanket of immunity that the Supreme Court granted the president last July.

      And again, this take seems completely backwards to me. The SC limited the president’s immunity. Now, all a prosecutor has to do is claim that the illegal acts were done outside of his official duties as president. Given the number of presidents who did blatantly illegal shit and were never prosecuted, this seems like a step towards more prosecutions, rather than fewer.

    • R C Dean

      “Of course, President Kennedy didn’t have the blanket of immunity that the Supreme Court granted the president last July.”

      Technically, the Court recognized, formally, the immunity that Presidents have always had. I don’t recall Kennedy being prosecuted for that, so I guess he was immune, both de jure and de facto.

  7. Tundra

    I’ll live in the goddamn attic with all of those albino kids Jill is poisoning.”

    I must have missed this sub-plot.

      • Tundra

        What. The. Fuck.

      • Mojeaux

        Dude. That book has a place of honor in our pubescent memories.

      • EvilSheldon

        Holy shit. I feel like I’ve missed on a real cultural touchstone here.

      • Gender Traitor

        Somehow I missed that one – probably because I was reading those damn Little House books over and over again.

      • Mojeaux

        I was shocked to find out it is STILL making the middle-school rounds, 40 years later.

      • Nephilium

        Damn. Even I knew of this book.

        /slowly backs away

      • Mojeaux

        I am so fucking HAPPY that I could explain a SugarFree joke!

      • rhywun

        lol I think I have read that.

        And watched one of the movies.

      • Timeloose

        I grew up in a house with three women. I read the book and saw the movie as a kid. The books all had the creepy kid face in the window cut in the front cover with a even creepier photo inside.

      • Tundra

        I’m a little shocked I missed it. I used to read everything in the library.

        Probably too engrossed with Stephen King

      • Gender Traitor

        Just figured out why I missed it. I was …ummm … NOT 13 when it came out.

      • Mojeaux

        It is officially classified and shelved as horror, which was what I was reading at the time. I ran through Stephen King’s oeuvre by the time I was 16 and never picked him up again (although that is what I do—glom an author until I’m done, at which point I never pick them up again once I’ve finished).

        That was along with the bodice rippers and Harlequins.

        I read a lot of shit back then (e.g., The North and South, Gone with the Wind) and I wish I could get back to that, but I just don’t have the bandwidth for it. I was a very patient reader when I was a teenager and could go along with a slow plot for quite a while. I don’t think I ever didn’t finish a book.

      • SugarFree

        I just thought it was a horror novel and read it fairly young. And the movie, of course. I watched the first of the Lifetime movie series, didn’t really bother with the rest.

        But I am glad someone got it, so thanks for that, Mo.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        It was YUGE in the 80’s and 90’s, I sold, literally, a million copies of it.

        And I don’t even need to click on the link to know what it is.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Alsotoo, it has it’s own “special” place in book stores

      • Bobarian LMD

        Worst book I ever started.

        An even worse movie.

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t dare revisit anything I read as a teenager.

        I tried one of my beloved Harlequins. Couldn’t take how much work the reader was expected to do to fillin the holes of burgeoning feelings.

        I rec’d a beloved bodice ripper to GT (one that informed my work) and she … was not impressed.

    • Ed Wuncler

      I watched that series on Lifetime.

      And also, here’s my man card.

      • Mojeaux

        And also, here’s my man card.

        Husband just asked me why I was cackling.

      • Nephilium

        I read damn near anything I could get my hands on as a kid. That included things like Judy Bloom, EB White, and Stephen King.

      • rhywun

        I read damn near anything I could get my hands on as a kid.

        Same. My favorite girly book from then is this one. Also a movie….

      • Nephilium

        rhywun:

        John Bellairs was one of my favorites as a kid. Edward Gorey illustrations inside, multiple cycles of stories (I remember three distinct series that focused on different main characters but had overlap between them), and amazingly dark (in memory, I haven’t reread them as an adult) stories.

        There’s been one movie made based on it, but they turned it into a horror comedy with Jack Black. I have not made the attempt to watch it yet.

      • Mojeaux

        I loved The Boxcar Children. Read it to my kids, even.

        The trope—children on their own with no adults getting in their way, being resourceful, surviving and thriving on their own, having adventures, figuring shit out*—was very popular for most of the 20th century, not just for GenX. In fact, fairy tales and Disney rely heavily on the absence of at least one parent/guardian of childrens’/teens’ lives because, for one thing, parents complicate shit and extend word count, and it also fosters the child’s sense of breaking out and gaining independence while sort of teaching life skills (or used as a cautionary**/morality tale). I would even go so far as to say that between Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, and women going back to work, GenX had every reason to believe they were just taking care of business.

        GenZ could have used more of that kind of literature instead of Heather has Two Mommies and Rainbow Fish.

        *From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.

        **Had to break it to bestie when she was fucking with my kid’s head that yes, I DID, in fact, use her as a cautionary tale for my kid.

      • rhywun

        John Bellairs

        Huh. Never heard of him – that movie was just on TV during the Halloween crush but I passed on it.

      • Suthenboy

        Bam. Of course it was on lifetime.
        Honestly I have heard about Flowers in the attic but I had no idea what it was. That’s fucked up. How many young women read that shit and turned into oikophobes? It plays to all of the elements of the kill the patriarchy men are shit western culture evil narrative.

      • rhywun

        From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

        Loved that one and in fact I just recently bought it along with The Pushcart War, another favorite.

        But yeah, “independent kids” was a huge theme. I read a lot of Trixie Belden and Jupiter Jones too. Never picked up a Hardy Boys for some reason – I can only guess because it wasn’t sitting on a shelf in school.

      • DEG

        I remember John Bellairs. I don’t remember which of his books I read because it has been too long.

      • Sensei

        rhywun – I also read both and From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and The Pushcart War.

        It’s been decades since I’ve thought of either.

      • Mojeaux

        Trixie Belden was fabulous. I think I liked her more than Nancy Drew, although Trixie had two loving parents who nevertheless gave her quite a bit of freedom. Nancy Drew had a well-to-do father who gave her a car and all the freedom she wanted—and she was only 16. The main thing I took away from Nancy Drew was that one should always have a packed overnight bag in one’s trunk in case you had to stay over somewhere for the night—you know, without having to let anyone know where you were like it was normal.

      • EvilSheldon

        Of that genre, I really loved My Side of the Mountain.

        I was at a party a few years back, chatting with a guy who did falconry as a hobby. He mentioned that My Side of the Mountain has probably been responsible for most of the falconers in the US.

      • Timeloose

        Neph, the House with a Clock in It’s Walls was a great book. I read them when I was in elementary school. Very dark with a lot of occult references. Kind of a Harry Potter / mystery plot.

      • Nephilium

        Mojeaux:

        I’ve seen two memes referencing “Why Gen X is so Broken/Fucked Up”. One just posited that every Gen X adult read a Stephen King book to early in their development. The other countered with images of Artex sinking into the swamp (Neverending Story), the Dark Prince in full regalia (Legend), and Pennywise in a sewer grate (IT – TV Miniseries). I would probably add the gerbil swallowing scene from V and several others as well.

      • UnCivilServant

        @Rhy – We acquired pretty much the entire original run of the Hardy Boys when I was in the appropriate age for them (I forget which printing, but they were matched cheap hardcovers) and I read the whole lot.

        One thing that stuck in my head was the mention of the legality of open carry in Arizona in one volume set there.

      • UnCivilServant

        Which birth year range was X supposed to be again?

      • EvilSheldon

        I’ve seen two memes referencing “Why Gen X is so Broken/Fucked Up”. One just posited that every Gen X adult read a Stephen King book to early in their development. The other countered with images of Artex sinking into the swamp (Neverending Story), the Dark Prince in full regalia (Legend), and Pennywise in a sewer grate (IT – TV Miniseries). I would probably add the gerbil swallowing scene from V and several others as well.

        I’m pretty sure that in my case, it was seeing The Dark Crystal at age 5. The Neverending Story was in there too…

      • LCDR_Fish

        Going to an English origin boarding school for elementary, I read a lot of the same stuff, but we also had more UK stuff (aside from Lewis, etc), a lot of Enid Blyton material, Joan Aiken, etc. Having trouble locating some of the old short story collections from them and others that I’d like to revisit with my [future] kids at some point too. Also some great illustrated stuff – weirdness from Australia.

      • Mojeaux

        We read some shit, lemme tell you.

        Carrie, I think, was our defining tale.

        I don’t think we’re broken/fucked up at all. We were just jaded young. We were the last generation to have any freedom whatsoever AND also, the first generation to be computer literate and internet savvy en masse. We have a unique blend of real life experience in both analog and digital. We didn’t fuck up for the whole world to see and have recorded forever.

        GenZ may know how to touch type without having to have take a class on a manual typewriter, and they can text and TikTok, and they can open Word and say some stuff. They don’t care about their privacy, don’t care that the internet is forever. I pounded this into my kids’ heads and they STILL don’t care. XX does, more than XY. We didn’t slap our kids’ pix all over the internet documenting their growing up, as I see that as egregious as taking loans out in your kids’ names.

        For better or worse, my husband and I gave our kids a lot of freedom their compatriots didn’t have because their parents were a lot younger than we were and scared of the world on their kids’ behalf. XY has been managing a Chipotle since before he turned 18, moved out 3 months after he turned 18, and last week, they sent him to Chicago in a truck and trailer to pick up a grill because his broke. Now, his problem was that he was born believing that he was in charge and adults were getting in his way. XX has a burgeoning career in logistics she got just because she wanted to drive a forklift. She got a job the second she turned 16. They work hard and they can survive on their own, and I’m proud of them. So I hope we instilled some of the spirit of GenX into them.

        GenX has lived life in analog and digital in equal parts.

      • rhywun

        “Why Gen X is so Broken/Fucked Up”

        All of that is so wrong it could only have been written by millennials.

        Which birth year range was X supposed to be again?

        My guess, mid-sixties to late seventies/early eighties?

      • Mojeaux

        Let us not forget Lois Duncan.

        NONE of this stuff fazed us. We knew it was pretend.

      • Mojeaux

        GenX 1965 – 1980

      • Tundra

        Rhy and UCS

        I had the entire set of Hardy Boys. When our son was the right age we got him a set too and he devoured them. We have them stored for the next generation. Great books.

      • rhywun

        We have a unique blend of real life experience in both analog and digital.

        I love that about us.

        I can write cursive and operate a rotary phone without batting an eyelash.

      • slumbrew

        Neph,

        You can add The Dark Crystal to the list.

      • Tundra

        GenX has lived life in analog and digital in equal parts.

        Now please leave us the fuck alone.

      • Mojeaux

        And Labyrinth, also a teenage girl’s rite of passage.

      • SDF-7

        I strongly suspect Labyrinth messed more young girls up than Dark Crystal did on the muppet-ish front.

        Hey… we can’t all look like Bowie, okay! (“Dance magic pants…..”)

      • Mojeaux

        I can write cursive and operate a rotary phone without batting an eyelash.

        And drive a stick shift.

        GenX delivered for Trump, even though we are a tiny cohort. We’ll be the ones getting us all through the apocalypse.

      • Nephilium

        Mojeaux/Rhywun:

        Don’t forget about the “latchkey kid” movement that we were part of as well. On top of unsupervised outdoor play (“Get out of the house and don’t come home until the streetlights come on!”), there was a need to have at least some responsibility and self-awareness.

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t think Labyrinth messed us up. I think it explained us to us. We felt seen and understood.

      • slumbrew

        Or what EvilSheldon wrote.

      • trshmnstr

        Which birth year range was X supposed to be again?

        Here is trashy’s canonical index of the generations:

        Boomer: 1945-1963
        Gen X: 1964-1982
        Millennial: 1983-2001
        Gen Z: 2002-2020
        Gen Alpha: 2021-

      • slumbrew

        On the subject of self-sufficient youngsters, Incident At Hawk’s Hill, The Iceberg Hermit and Johnny Tremain have all stuck with me over the years.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ooh, Summer of Fear. The cover spooked me.

      • rhywun

        And drive a stick shift.

        I learned on a stick and hated every minute of it. I didn’t help that we lived at the bottom of a steep hill that required climbing it to get anywhere.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can write cursive and operate a rotary phone without batting an eyelash.

        I once knew how to write cursive, but it always felt like I was slurring my letters, so I always printed. Not that I write much longhand anymore (and my handwriting is atrocious whatever method).

        I’ve debated making a rotary cell phone.

      • rhywun

        Let the debate and cross-generational insults commence.

        Those look about right to me and honestly Gen X isn’t that much smaller than the rest so I am not sure why we get passed over so much.

      • Mojeaux

        Teaching XY to drive in a week and a half was bad enough. I can’t imagine also trying to teach him stick.

        I taught my brother how to drive the stick shift he just bought (dad had to drive it home from the dealership) because he didn’t want to deal with my dad.

        Unfortunately, I taught mine to drive the way my dad taught me and they hated every second of it.

      • Tundra

        I don’t think Labyrinth messed us up.

        +1 Bowie in a codpiece.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Bragging about cursive and driving a stick shift is boomer behavior.

      • Mojeaux

        Gen X isn’t that much smaller than the rest

        The birth rate for that block was minuscule.

      • Timeloose

        I think that the movie that messed me up the most wasn’t supposed to be a horror movie, but was dark and fuxxed up (especially the ending).

        Time Bandits. The ending was terrible and made me question my own reality.

        https://youtu.be/DmnRTx2orzQ

      • UnCivilServant

        Since I was born in the “undecided boundary area” between various people’s interpretations of when X becomes Mellenial, neither really seems appropriate.

      • Mojeaux

        @ToG, I read Summer of Fear I don’t know how many times.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Early 81. I definitely identify as Gen X over millenial for my entire school era/class group, etc.

      • CPRM

        I’ve debated making a rotary cell phone.

        You can run a regular rotary phone off Bluetooth, something similar in a smaller formfactor could work.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Since I was born in the “undecided boundary area” between various people’s interpretations of when X becomes Mellenial, neither really seems appropriate.

        Aren’t you 1986? 1986 is millennial in every drawing of the lines.

      • Gustave Lytton

        GenX is at the taking care of business/close to retiring, don’t give a fuck about hurt feelings age.

        Loved Boxcar Children and Hardy Boys. Not so much a fan of King. I remember for some book reading class assignment, the teacher didn’t allow Flowers in the Attic because it was inappropriate for the class level.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        every Gen X adult read a Stephen King book to early in their development

        Or watched the TV adaptation of Salem’s Lot…

      • rhywun

        The birth rate for that block was minuscule.

        I’m just judging based on the bar graph at that USA Today link.

      • UnCivilServant

        Aren’t you 1986?

        No, 1982

      • Gustave Lytton

        Do you remember Reality Bites in theaters? And were you an early adopter of Napster?

      • Ed Wuncler

        I was born in 1985 but I remember when I was growing up during the 90’s my parents had a curfew but way more freedom than most of the kids have now. We lived near the forest preserve in LaGrange IL and it was awesome to go to the creek and throw shit in there or explore. As long as I called my parents from a friend’s house if I wasn’t going to be home all day, I didn’t have to check in constantly.

        And I rocked with the Hardy Boys and also read my older sister’s Sweet Valley High series.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d say that most GenX were children of boomers, with post-80 trailing off and children of early GenX started picking up though still some late parenthoods.

        I have siblings across GenX and millennial and even within the same family, there’s a definite cultural difference.

      • Mojeaux

        I was 1968. My parents were Silent Generation. My conception was inspired by the draft.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        You all want a real treat, try some Lurlene McDaniel’s books. The “I’m dying, wont somebody love me” kids favorite.

      • Gustave Lytton

        The other side of the generational transition. Baby boomers would have started having kids from ~64-66 onwards.

      • rhywun

        I was 1968. My parents were Silent Generation.

        ’69 and same.

        My three older brothers are all late boomers according to most measures and it’s only a few years but yes they’re quite different.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        How exotic, Fish! Were you a prefect or head boy?

      • The Hyperbole

        “How many young women read that shit and turned into oikophobes? ”

        Roughly the same number of kids that played D&D and offed themselves, or the kids that listened to an Ozzy song and became Satanists. Moral panic much?

      • B.P.

        The Danny Dunn book series and Mad Scientists Club.

      • rhywun

        Danny Dunn

        Oh wow, good one. I forgot. Read a few of those.

    • juris imprudent

      As I said this morning, McConnell is responsible for the current Supreme Court. And to add to the appropriate Dune reference, I think of him as Count Fenring.

    • rhywun

      Never heard of the guy. How awful is this?

      • Spudalicious

        McConnell light. He’ll be okay, as long as he doesn’t throw a wrench in the works.

    • Ed Wuncler

      On a side note, I’m so fucking tired of some on the Right demanding that we support Trump’s agenda. I’m glad the guy won but fuck that shit. We should want people to be loyal to the principles of the Constitution and individual/economic liberty.

      • UnCivilServant

        We should want people to be loyal to the principles of the Constitution and individual/economic liberty

        I have no evidence that this unknown senator is. But playing the odds, he probably isn’t.

  8. Aloysious

    -The underground jizz fountain… Is it tall and pointy?

    – White Catamites For Harris!… Thems are Legion.

    -What am I doing?” Karine said,… Some girls just really like the bad boys.

    Hunters filthy love nest is not a mental image that is going to fade away fast enough.

    • juris imprudent

      Hunters filthy love nest is not a mental image

      That hadn’t really stood out to me until you made this point. Now I feel like a need a Hepatitis shot.

  9. The Other Kevin

    Marvel and Star Wars should be so lucky to have this type of story continuity.

    • CPRM

      You left that guy in the tanning bed as a warning to Big Fitness, didn’t you?

      • The Other Kevin

        Yep. RFK is going to get gym memberships covered by insurance. We’re coming for you, Planet Fatness.

  10. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Yes, we will rally all the troops: the abortion sluts, the fatties, the trannies, the fat trannies, Black women with huge fake nails, paid shills, the abortion sluts…”

    But we don’t want the Irish.

    • Mojeaux

      sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads

  11. Sean

    Harry Sisson is hot, like a niece.”

    LOL

    • slumbrew

      That was just perfect.

      • rhywun

        +1

  12. juris imprudent

    “You listed ‘abortion sluts’ twice,” Hunter murmured.

    Nice Blazing Saddles reference there. I wanted to work the blazing in to another Cracky reference, but I’m just not inspired.

  13. DEG

    “This will never happen again,” Karine said and stomped off.

    I bet she says that every time.

    • DEG

      Bonus tag fail.

      • SugarFree

        I got you, fam.

      • DEG

        Thanks!

  14. kinnath

    I love the resistance.

    I look forward to the obligatory Dark Cracky / Hat and Hair crossover with cliffhanger ending.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      It will be our very own Reichenback Falls.

    • juris imprudent

      Hopefully the Hair doesn’t consume any flakes of [Dark] Cracky like he does from Donald’s scalp.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Ami-climatic.

      The Hat will smoke Cracky up in seconds.

  15. trshmnstr

    Pulling ahead from the deadthread (from MW’s comment)

    But can’t this also be said about virtually all forms of social deviance everywhere?

    Yes, but the people I’ve been hearing from have shifted in their mentality. It used to be an almost conciliatory “well, technically public accommodation laws don’t cover X, so they don’t have to bake the cake”. Now the attitude has shifted to “screw public accommodation laws and screw whatever moral framework got us here. A system that promotes dudes in dresses but arrests people for praying in the wrong place is illegitimate.”

  16. LCDR_Fish

    FAFO – National Archives edition.

    https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/read-the-national-archivists-statement-on-the-sentencing-of-the-vandals-who-dumped-paint-on-the-constitution-and-declaration/

    …The Constitution’s value itself is, of course, incalculable. It is the original parchment penned by Gouverneur Morris and signed by the delegates of the Constitutional Convention at Independence Hall in Philadelphia on September 17, 1787. It is a seminal document in American and world history. It is irreplaceable. It is the very definition of priceless. There were 13 official copies of the Constitution made when it was signed, one for each of the 13 states. One of those copies famously sold at auction in 2021 for $43.2 million. I would expect the original to be valued significantly higher than that.

    As Americans we have the right to free speech, but that does not absolve us of our actions’ consequences. And the consequences for choosing to assault the fundamental records of our nation should be significant.

    Exploding pink powder across the Constitution encasement and the Rotunda did not foster a discussion about climate change; it simply, and tragically, deprived thousands of Americans the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to visit the founding documents while we restored the Rotunda. Such self-centered, shortsighted behavior should not be condoned in a civilized society premised upon the responsible exercise of individual freedom.

    Unfortunately, we are seeing these sorts of attacks with increasing frequency. Our cultural heritage sites across the country are being caught in the crosshairs of those who want to make a political statement without engaging in the hard work it takes to effect social change in large, diverse democratic republics such as the United States.

    I respectfully urge you to consider the maximum possible sentence for these crimes. Anything less sends the wrong message to Americans about the rule of law, our system of government, and the principles which enable its peaceful continuity….

    ……

    Green was sentenced to 18 months in federal prison with 24 months of supervised release. He was also ordered to pay the full cost of the clean-up work. Zepeda will be sentenced on Friday. “While I would have liked to see a longer sentence handed down, I am glad that the judge agreed that a strong message was needed to reflect the significance of these crimes and hopefully deter future attacks for the National Archives, and all cultural institutions across the country,” Shogan wrote on her blog.

    • SDF-7

      Just be glad no one was swiping them for some lame ass museum in the bottom deck of an aircraft carrier or something.

    • rhywun

      It is hard to tell from that if they actually damaged a document or just the case protecting it.

      • slumbrew

        Had to just be the case – those docs are behind some very thick lexan.

      • rhywun

        Good.

        As for punishment… well, I don’t want to get on another list.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Yeah, just the case, but it did cause damage to the case that required some costly repairs – probably why they chose that powder vice liquid paint. Also, had to do special cleaning so that the paint wouldn’t stain the marble of the building.

    • R C Dean

      See my comment below on attention whores who flout the local customs.

    • slumbrew

      It hurts watching this after seeing what went down two yrs ago with the Bruins. They were untouchable, in another league from everyone else, much like this. All for a 1st rd loss. Beware WPG! Reg season means NOTHING. Peaking in Nov is bad news bears…

      Preach.

      • Tundra

        Hockey fans are bigger doomers than libertarians.

      • rhywun

        I’ve said it before but there are just too many damn games. I catch maybe a quarter of games I might want to watch across the season and that feels like “enough”.

      • slumbrew

        there are just too many damn games.

        Agree 100%.

        Final game of the 2023/2024 season was on June 24th. Which is totally ridiculous.

      • Tundra

        there are just too many damn games.

        I watch a lot of them. My wife agrees with you guys. “I’ll start paying attention in March.”

      • R C Dean

        “I’ve said it before but there are just too many damn games.”

        True for more than hockey. Football season is also too long. But, games = revenue, and we know that maintaining quality gets tossed aside for more money, so . . . .

    • The Other Kevin

      Wow!

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, snagging that first pass out of the air was next level.

    • Sean

      Enjoy your Zika virus.

    • Nephilium

      It’s not that far away from me local rag even covered it. It’s about a mile away from several Metroparks.

      • UnCivilServant

        It looks like they converted a covered bridge into a house.

    • LCDR_Fish

      MCM? Doesn’t look like a McMansion.

      Love the aesthetics, but you’re right, the bugs would be irritating.

      • kinnath

        Mid-Century Modern

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Nice

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Kinda looks like an extra long Pizza Hut.

    • Mojeaux

      That doesn’t scream MCM to me. More like summer camp lodge.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Needs about 50 more acres.

  17. SDF-7

    Ladies and Gentlemen — I give you that paragon of bipartisanship… Chuck Schumer.

    :eyeroll:

    • The Other Kevin

      We all saw that coming miles away.

    • rhywun

      I doubt he has anything to worry about.

  18. SarumanTheGreat

    A system that promotes dudes in dresses but arrests people for praying in the wrong place is illegitimate.

    Preferential law enforcement is tyranny.

    • Mojeaux

      Were these praying people Muslims?

    • R C Dean

      Any ruler who is sufficiently out of step with the morality of the general citizenry will be regarded as illegitimate.

  19. SDF-7

    Maybe some consequences, finally? I mean — I would have sacked them for the stupidly ridiculous “Larry Elder is the black face of white supremacy” crap… or “the unvaxed should die” crap… but I’ll take it if they can find some non-insane people to edit the rag. Given what it looks like J-schools have been pushing out for the last 20 years, not holding my breath….

    • SDF-7

      Didn’t we go through this after Musk bought it (“I’ll make my own Twitter! With Blackjack! And hookers!”) and they’ve all come trickling back? I’m expecting the same — though for most (all?) of those, “And nothing of value was lost” is my reaction.

      Oh, right… Mastodon….

      • SDF-7

        Heh… very nice. I chuckled.

    • SDF-7

      South East Asia doesn’t like stoners… he should have known he’d be bust-ed.

    • Grumbletarian

      So he’ll do some hard time?

    • rhywun

      Sounds like a douchebag.

    • The Other Kevin

      That was a monumental mistake.

      • Fourscore

        I took it for granite that he’d get caught

    • juris imprudent

      He’ll find no comfort in a Korean prison.

      • Mojeaux

        LOL

    • R C Dean

      My sympathy for attention whores is easily exhausted. My sympathy for tourists who flout the local customs is also easily exhausted. My sympathy for attention whores who flout the local customs is virtually indetectable.

      Although, 10 years does seem a tad harsh.

      • Not Adahn

        I saw something about him being sentenced for deepfaking himself kissing a K-Pop star.

    • DrOtto

      Lol – and the problem is?

    • Sean

      Gay.

  20. trshmnstr

    Tulsi as Director of National Intelligence.

    • Ed Wuncler

      That’ll be awesome until she gets into unfortunate car accident or slipping and falling off a bridge.

      • SDF-7

        Accidentally shot herself in the back of the head during a robbery attempt.

    • The Other Kevin

      I didn’t see that one coming.

    • The Other Kevin

      Marco Rubio officially in for SoS.

    • Tundra

      Are you hoping or announcing?

      • trshmnstr

        I’m seeing semi-official stuff. I haven’t seen a screenshot of the actual announcement, just a print version from Roger Stone

      • The Other Kevin

        I knew she was good, but damn that is a killer resume.

      • R C Dean

        Well, somebody’s terrorist watch list/ no-fly file just got tossed in the shredder.

        If I was her, my first official act would be requesting that file.

  21. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    By the way, the reason GenX is so… odd, is we were witness to the two biggest cultural events since WWII. Star Wars, which changed entertainment, and the space shuttle disaster, showing us the limits of gov’t.

    • Tundra

      You forgot Van Halen in its proper configuration.

      • juris imprudent

        Funniest thing I’ve ever heard was David Lee Roth vocal track isolated. Yes, he could entertain, but he couldn’t sing.

    • SDF-7

      Both shuttle disasters, really. And I thought you’d bring up the fall of Communism (overt fall, at any rate). I do think most of us growing up in that period when the USSR and its satellites were obviously worse makes a difference as well as other aspects folks have cited.

      • Nephilium

        The fall of the Berlin Wall, collapse of the USSR, and 9/11 would all rate as pretty impactful as well (IMHO).

      • juris imprudent

        Funny how us Boomers never thought the Berlin Wall would come down, and the Millenials never actually saw it.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Nah, it didn’t hit us the same way as the other two. And as much as I love VH, the (spits) Beatles did it first

    • Sensei

      And thanks to Fauci we somehow all lived despite the fact that AIDS was going to eliminate the human race.

      • slumbrew

        Remember, AIDS is an equal-opportunity killer!

        Ladies, don’t forget your dental dams.

      • The Other Kevin

        We should all say a prayer each night thanking the deity of our choice for the AIDS vaccine never seeing the light of day.

      • Mojeaux

        Also, don’t sit on public toilet seats.

      • Nephilium

        *clears throat*

        Don’t you mean GRID?

      • Sensei

        Speaking of:

        “So it’s a terrible example of the government lying to its representatives and to the people. But also, why is a retired guy — the only retired official I know of that gets this kind of treatment is a former president,” Paul told Fox News host Jesse Watters in July 2023. “So I have no idea why this bureaucrat still has a limo driver security detail.”

        Fauci Received $15 Million U.S. Marshal Security Detail after Retiring, Document Shows

        https://www.nationalreview.com/news/fauci-received-15-million-u-s-marshal-security-detail-after-retiring-document-shows/

      • Ed Wuncler

        The idea that you get a security detail even after retirement is bullshit. It treats our political class like royalty.

      • Fourscore

        Doesn’t anyone work? A customer came in and told me about the shuttle

    • The Other Kevin

      We also had toys that were based on cartoons. A cynical marketing ploy, but we watched the show for 30 minutes and spent the rest of the day using our imaginations. Same with Star Wars. I think that was actually good.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, you had cartoons based on Toys as a marketting tool for the toys.

    • Mojeaux

      01/28/1986: Class. Pause instruction to watch shuttle take off. Shuttle blows up. Watch in silence. Turn TV off. Go back to instruction.

      04/26/1986: Chernobyl.

      We … didn’t blink. We had important shit to do.

      • kinnath

        The shuttle was about 4 months after I graduated and started working as an engineer.

        I kept a photo of the twin vapor trails at my desk for many years to remind myself that decisions have consequences.

      • The Other Kevin

        I was in Catholic school. We weren’t watching it. I remember the principal on the loudspeaker saying “The space shuttle Challenger…” and one of my friends finished “IT EXPLODED!” We were all stunned for 60 seconds, couldn’t wait to get home and watch it on TV.

      • Sensei

        01/28/1986: Sensei is home from school because of a snow day. Is watching the TV.

        Sensei: Holy s—! The space shuttle just blew up.
        Mother: Watch your… What?

      • Nephilium

        TOK:

        I have memories of watching it in the classroom at the Catholic school I went to. How real they are at this point is a matter of debate.

      • slumbrew

        Pretty sure I was home too, for some reason. Possibly also a snow day – were you in the tri-state area, Sensei?

      • Sensei

        slumbrew – NJ. Maybe some storm went up the whole east coast?

      • The Other Kevin

        Must have been an East Coast storm. One of my teammates is one year older than me, and he told me he was home alone during a snow day.

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, I was on Long Island, so could have been the same storm.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        I was home for the Challenger disaster, as I was “sick” and watching TV at the time.

      • Tundra

        Freshman year of college. Saw it in my dorm room.

        Crazy.

      • rhywun

        01/28/1986

        I was skiing in Austria (school trip) that day. It was all over the news when I got back to the lodge.

      • EvilSheldon

        rhywun,

        That’s freaky – I was skiing in Austria that day as well, on vacation with my family.

      • R C Dean

        I believe my nieces were at school in Texas and went outside to watch the shuttle go overhead when it exploded. I’ll have to ask them over Thanksgiving.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Reagan and Lennon getting shot.

  22. The Other Kevin

    Just in: Matt Gaetz as Attorney General

    It was cruel for Trump to not warn us about keeping up our popcorn supply.

    • Ed Wuncler

      He’s not going to get through confirmation. Both sides of the aisle hates him with a passion but the hearings will be as the kids say, lit as fuck.

      • The Other Kevin

        I think you’re right. I’m not really confident.

      • Sensei

        I agree, but it should be a hoot!

    • juris imprudent

      I guess the districts he is pulling from will resupply a Republican representative, but it does seem he is gambling the House majority.

      • The Other Kevin

        Maybe it’s a bait and switch. They reject Gaetz, and the Missouri AG seems mild in comparison.

      • EvilSheldon

        Matt Carriker. It would be a cute way to say, “Yeah, no hard feelings about that assassin wearing your shirt…”

      • Not Adahn

        He was already impeached for remodeling the Oval Office int oa Triangle.

  23. Not Adahn

    Blockquote>“Some of those Dudes are so smooth,” Hunter admitted. “I bet you could barely tell the difference in the dark.

    My favorite this week.

    • Not Adahn

      Alas I cannot find the appropriate Rob Roy clip to go along with it.

    • SDF-7
  24. Not Adahn

    Hunter rubbed Cracky against Karine’s ass-crack

    Can you get high that way?

    • R C Dean

      “The blacker the berry…” Cracky purred.”

      OK, I want to know how the rest of that goes.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The sweeter the juice.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Depends on how hard you rub it.