A Very Special Jewsday Rerun: The Story of Chanukkah

by | Dec 25, 2024 | Jews, Recipes | 199 comments

It’s not often that Pagan Christmas and Taliban Chanukkah coincide- and even when it happens, it’s only for half a day- the drunken lighting of the Menorah doesn’t happen until sundown this evening.

In any case, to dispel the silly idea that the goyim have about Chanukkah, herewith the rerun of my comprehensive explanation, circa 2017. I updated the video at the end because the original (the great Bubula, Please) seems to have vanished from the You of Tubes. Feel free to put up your own choices for Links in the Comments.

Yes, it’s that time of year again, when Jews all over the world celebrate their most treasured and most holy days… well, not really, but I’ll Jewsplain.

First, the part everyone knows: this is supposedly the commemoration of the Maccabees doing something or other. But here’s the catch- Jews do not accept the books of the Maccabees as canonical and derive their understanding of Chanukkah and the Maccabees from the Talmud. The usual reason given is that the Macs came along too late, the canon was completed. But it may be deeper than that, so let’s start with the familiar parts.

The whole megillah happened around 2200 years ago when I was just a wee yeled. The Middle East was a seething cauldron of petty rivalries, bloody wars, and conquests back and forth, unlike today’s quiet and civilized environment. The two major warring empires were the Ptolemies and the Seleucids, who were proxies for various swarthy European types. There were some Macedonians, Romans, and Persians in the mix as well. Like I said, it was a mess. And as usual, the Jews were right in the middle of the shit because of their geographic location and because Yahweh liked fucking with us.

If you read through the histories of that era, it’s a confusing mess because so many of the warring monarchs had the same name, with only nicknames and numbers allowing you to tell them apart. But the overwhelming cultural bit of this was the spread of Greek civilization, which brought things like rationality, philosophy, mathematics, and science to the gibbering tribal masses of Asia and Northern Africa. Unlike the tribal kingdoms, the Greeks were very big on universal culture and values, as well as a surprising tolerance for other ways of life- they basically were the first assimilationists, and in ways that would seem very familiar to Americans.

Now, the official story is that those awful Greeks, who at that point in history ruled over Palestine, had a culture that was so attractive that the Jews started assimilating, speaking Greek, adopting airs of tolerance, eating pork, wrestling naked, and wearing clip-on foreskins (that is not a joke, they really had them). This, of course, could not be tolerated by the Jews, goes the usual narrative. And then, in a total reversal of Greek policy, the latest tyrant, Antiochus IV (Epiphanes), was said to have outlawed Jewish religious practices and forced everyone who hadn’t adopted Greek culture and mores to do so by clipping on foreskins and chowing down on ham (anticipating the later American Jewish custom of eating pork by dismissing it as “Chinese food”). So after the usual litany of atrocities, which prominently featured defilement of the Temple in Jerusalem, they naturally rebelled.

The Talmud gives its version of one of the atrocities, the story of Hannah and her sons. One at a time, Antiochus ordered each of Hannah’s sons to eat bacon, and each son in turn refused, shouted a slogan about their devotion to Yahweh, and was then killed for maintaining their religious righteousness. After watching each of her sons in turn being executed, Hannah threw herself off a building in a fit of grief and madness. An inspiring tale, nu?

The familiar tale continues with the great Judah Maccabee leading his ragtag band of righteous Jews into a successful rebellion against the heathen Greeks, driving them out of Palestine, then rededicating the Temple by the use of various priestly rituals. Note the last. The miracle of Chanukkah was the burning of a ritual lamp in the Temple for eight days while consuming only one day’s worth of oil, which is all they had in terms of ritually pure oil.

As a libertarian sort, I’ve learned to be a bit cynical and assume that any story like this glides past unsavory truths. I also assume that cupidity rules and is usually the driver of events. So, with that in mind…

At that time, there were multiple schisms among the Jews- the famous Life of Brian scene about the Judean People’s Front versus the People’s Front of Judea was not entirely a joke. Three of the major factions were the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the Hellenizers. The Pharisees and Sadducees fought over who really had control of Jewish law, with the Pharisees maintaining that the rabbis were really the ones to control things, the Sadducees insisting that it was the Temple priests, and the Hellenizers being the Reform Jews of their time, incorporating Greek practice and language into the Temple rituals and eschewing the fundamentalist interpretations of Jewish law (yes, this is an oversimplification, but the big picture always is).

Judah Maccabee was the son of Mattathias, who was a Temple priest and a fundamentalist. Within the priesthood, the Hellenizers and fundamentalists struggled, with the Hellenizers having won out. Their priest, Menelaus, deposed the fundamentalist priest, Jason, by paying off Antiochus. This was a good investment since this gave Menelaus control of the Temple treasures and receipts. Mattathias, being a fundy allied with Jason, was clearly a loser here. In his view, anyone not following the religion in the way his faction thought proper should be executed, and they certainly did their share of killing. And indeed, one of the outcomes of the rebellion was the execution of Jason as a heretic and traitor to the One True Faith.

So a cynical person might look at this as less of a rebellion against Antiochus, but more of an internal struggle between factions fighting for power and treasure. The winners write history, so the fact that the Greeks mostly didn’t interfere with religious practice before or after the Maccabean rebellion but somehow Antiochus was the exception and tried to wipe out Judaism could possibly be… well you know what self-serving storytellers and drama queens those Middle East folk can be. The cynic might look at historic parallels and see the Maccabees as akin to the modern Taliban, fighting against the encroachment of civilization (literal, in this case) in favor of a strict and violent fundamentalism that just coincidentally put them in power. And that’s what we celebrate for Chanukkah.

Fun fact: the Hebrew word for a Jew who has given up strict religious practice is “apikoros,” which derives from the Greek “Epicure.”

One more cynical observation: why the books of the Maccabees are not canonical among the Jews despite lots of slaughter and a Yahweh miracle. Although the usual excuse is timing, someone miiiiight notice that the decisions about canonicity and religious practice were made by the faction which survived and ended up controlling Judaism: the Pharisees, bitter foes of the Sadducees, the latter of whom the Maccabees, as priests who got their share of Temple treasure and tribute, were aligned. But that would be overly cynical, right?

Fun fact: Judah Maccabee was the first Jew to make contact with the Romans, seeking assistance in his fight against the Greeks. As readers of Matthew will note, this did not end well for the Mac family.

Fun fact: although potato latkes seem like the canonical Chanukkah food in the US and Europe, in Israel they’re almost unknown. The treat of choice is… jelly donuts. And why is that? Because the bakers in Israel have traditionally been part of state-sponsored trade unions. And although latkes are easy to make at home and best served fresh, donuts are more difficult and are much easier to pick up at a (union) bakery. Just look for the union filling.

And speaking of latkes, here’s what happens when you turn an uber-Goy loose. I can’t vouch for the results (I tried the potato chip Spanish tortilla and was unimpressed), but it’s an interesting concept.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

199 Comments

  1. Pat

    Fun fact: although potato latkes seem like the canonical Chanukkah food in the US and Europe, in Israel they’re almost unknown. The treat of choice is… jelly donuts.

    I was going to pick up some sufganiyot this year, but then remember that I live in a small town of about 10,000 people in west-central Texas.

    • SDF-7

      Who knew JFK had such an influence in Israel?

    • rhywun

      I’ll pass on the jelly donuts but this recipe looks interesting. I like the idea of doing without the most obnoxious step required with real potatoes.

      Too bad I only have a real potatoe this morning.

  2. juris imprudent

    eating pork by dismissing it as “Chinese food”

    Or as I’ve also been told, bacon is known as “land salmon”.

    • Rat on a train

      Bacon is its own food group.

      • Sean

        Yes.

  3. Pat

    Also, while the OED recognizes 24 – yes, 24 – different spellings of the holiday, the most common are Hanukkah (with 2 ‘k’s) or Chanukah (with 1 k). And yes, I am going to be the insufferable goy who ackchyuallys a Jew on his own holiday.

    • juris imprudent

      One – citing a goy source is something only a goy would do and, two – you are only honoring Jewish tradition by offering a difference of opinion.

      • Tonio

        [golf clap] for “you are only honoring Jewish tradition by offering a difference of opinion.”

        Happy Christmas, Hannukah, Yule, Kwanzaa, etc to everyone.

      • Pat

        Kwanzaa is a bunch of ’60s racism and communism, and should be left in the dustbin of history along with the rest of that toxic ideology. Ron Karenga is one special piece of shit.

      • Chafed

        JI nailed it.

    • Old Man With Candy

      There is actually only one correct spelling. חנוכה

      • Pat

        Looks like Pat just got shuled.

  4. Pat

    And now, a Merry Christmas and happy first day of Chanukah to all of you glibs – the religious and heathen, observant and non-observant, the good, the bad and the ugly.

    Owing to the legacy of institutional Christianity on western civilization the sentiments associated with Christmas are pretty universal in this our secularized western world, and while it’s a wonderful time of year for contemplation, benevolence, mercy, charity and togetherness regardless of religious affiliation, for the Christian faithful it’s also a meaningful recognition of the personification of a creator-god whose grace to his utterly disgraceful creations was such that he came to dwell among them and redeem them to himself, setting an example for how they ought to likewise treat one another. And so, per tradition, today I will read and quote from the 2nd chapter of the gospel of Luke, the birth story of Jesus Christ. This year, breaking with my habitual preference for the New American Standard version, I have chosen the New King James version.

    And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

    Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

    Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

    And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

    “Glory to God in the highest,
    And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

    So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.

    • SDF-7

      With Yusef’s article picture on the main page — I have to confess I already had the story run through my head as narrated by Mr. Linus van Pelt this morning.

  5. SDF-7

    Merry Christmas (and happy sorta-Taliban Day for those celebrating such), all! Thanks for the re-run story, OMWC…. I do miss Jewsday Tuesdays, they’re a great glimpse into culture I see only the surface and trite level of.

    One random question that entered into my mind when I started… Christianity has a pretty solid reason for why the prophets stopped at the New Testament (you could argue anyone anointed by the Holy Spirit is effectively equivalent to an Old Testament prophet in a lot of ways — but we don’t treat them as such), to the point where Christ forewarned of false prophets and all… but given that by definition Judaism puts Jesus at “prophet at most” as I understand things — what’s their line for why God doesn’t seem to have kept up with the “voice from the wilderness mooching off of widows but keeping their oil jar full” for some time now? Are there actually Jewish prophets post Jesus that the rest of us just haven’t heard about? (If it comes down to works — the cynical side of me says that if the Catholic Church can come up with some of the “miracles” I remember seeing for canonization, surely the Jewish community can as well…) Is it somehow tied to the destruction of the Temple (I could see that being used as a motivating factor) or the Dispora?

    If that’s too odd a question for a holiday morning, don’t sweat it… just curious. Hope everyone’s having a good morning, happy with friends and/or family.

    • Pat

      The Old Man will likely have a better answer, but as I understand it, bearing in mind that I’ve explored Judaism mostly from a Christian perspective, there will not be any further prophecy until temple Judaism is reestablished. Same reason that animal sacrifice and certain ritual requirements have ceased, even for Orthodox Jews. Both the reestablishment of the temple and the gathering of the diaspora are necessary conditions, and functions of what the Messiah is supposed to accomplish. Part of the reason for Jews rejecting Christ as Messiah is his having left those prophecies unfulfilled in a literal sense. Christians, of course, believe that the prophecies were fulfilled in a non-literal sense, and if you read Revelations, you see a pretty much 1:1 parallel between the things Christ is supposed to accomplish upon his return, and the fulfillment of the prophecies for which faithful Jews still expectantly await their Messiah.

      • SDF-7

        Thanks, Pat — that’s an interesting insight about Revelations (which I confess I don’t read often because it reads like John was doing a little too much LDS). Makes one wonder if it was targeted to try to either settle down the Jewish Christians or gain more converts as they approached the first century and the “When’s the end of the world happening anyway?” really notched up (much like at the turn of the millenia).

        I find it interesting given I thought that there was at least one if not two prophets during the Babylonian Exile, wasn’t there? And I certainly thought the Temple was destroyed when Jerusalem was sacked before the Exile — so why is this Temple destruction different?

      • Pat

        The temple was, in fact, destroyed during the Babylonian exile, but had been re-established as of the book of Ezra, and was still standing at the time of Christ in the first century; hence his prophecy that “there will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down.”

        To be honest though, I don’t know that there’s any special reason for this era of post-temple prophecy being different, other than the enormous length of time involved.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Same reason that animal sacrifice and certain ritual requirements have ceased, even for Orthodox Jews.

        In reality, this is a function of the eventual dominance Pharisaic Judaism, which as mentioned in this essay sought to transfer the focus of Judaism from the priests to the rabbis.

      • juris imprudent

        Wasn’t the rabbinical succession pretty much assured with the Roman destruction of the Temple? There wasn’t much left for Jews to cling to in the Sadducean system. No Temple, no rituals.

  6. LCDR_Fish

    Haven’t looked it up…but does the Talmud include the book of Daniel – which does include very specific prophecies about Antiochus and the desecration of the temple? (among many other things)

    • Pat

      The Talmud is, as I understand it, essentially a written version of the oral Torah. The Torah itself consists only of the Pentateuch, while the book of Daniel is included in the Ketuvim, which comprises the rest of the Hebrew Bible. But full disclosure: IANAJ

    • Old Man With Candy

      The Talmud is basically a collection of debates. As Pat said, Daniel is just a regular Biblical book like Joshua, Amos, Ezekiel…

      The Jewish view of Jesus isn’t even “prophet at most.” Our view is that even IF such a person existed, he was just one more nutbag amongst the myriad of people claiming to be a Messiah.

      • Old Man With Candy

        And this does suggest a longer-form Jewsday about the Jewish view of Jesus.

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        The early ‘aughts* were a helluva time in the middle east

        *on the goy calendar

      • Pat

        Our view is that even IF such a person existed, he was just one more nutbag amongst the myriad of people claiming to be a Messiah.

        While I completely understand the rejection of Christ as Messiah, still denying the historicity of Jesus of Nazareth, whoever he may have been, is kind of a silly hill to die on.

      • SDF-7

        And this does suggest a longer-form Jewsday about the Jewish view of Jesus.

        I look forward to reading this, thanks!

      • Pat

        Interestingly though, I’ve found that “Messianic Jews” (“Jews for Jesus,” or Jewish Christians) bring a really unique perspective to Christianity. I’ve never understood how Luther, and some of his acolytes, could have such contempt and hatred for Jews, not just because it utterly defies the values attributed to Christ, but because there’s no Christianity without Judaism, and because the protestant emphasis on grace that he championed is so particularly ill adapted to antisemitism.

      • juris imprudent

        Antisemitism was never a theological issue. It was more fundamental.

      • Suthenboy

        That is probably true. Jesus is a mishmash of the personality type that has always been with us. In some times and places such as his time and place there was one of those guys on every street corner.
        The Greek/Roman view is more appealing to me…a pantheon of personifications of ideas. Jesus would be the most important in my view – redemption. For that reason I see christianity as the most important and appealing religion though I am not a religious person at all. This is despite its more primitive view that its characters were actual people in a world full of magic.
        Judaism would be a close second preference.
        I find Islam the least appealing. To sum islam up – OBEY.

        I am probably not making any sense. Apparently a mule kicked me right between the eyes while I was sleeping. I need more coffee, nasal spray and a bucket of Tylenol.

      • Suthenboy

        “I’ve never understood how Luther, and some of his acolytes, could have such contempt and hatred for Jews,”

        It is a common phenomena. When you have a minority living amongst a host population and the minority is overall more successful it breeds envy and hatred. It is one of the ugly parts of human nature, maybe the ugliest.
        As always it is the money. It’s always about money.

        Various interviewers – “What could the Jews do to be less hated?”
        Thomas Sowell – “Fail. As long as they are successful they will be hated.”

        It is very simple.

      • rhywun

        See also: The Chinese in Malaysia.

      • Pat

        Jesus is a mishmash of the personality type that has always been with us. In some times and places such as his time and place there was one of those guys on every street corner.

        This I have to disagree with, even as a skeptical and questioning “believer.” There’s some parallels in the Tao, but the model that Christ sets up as the ideal so thoroughly defies any reason or logic that I choose to believe it must be divinely inspired, else I’d discard it as lunacy. While C. S. Lewis’s “Messiah or madman” construction is a false dichotomy, there’s aspects of Christ that are historically and theologically unique.

        hen you have a minority living amongst a host population and the minority is overall more successful it breeds envy and hatred. It is one of the ugly parts of human nature, maybe the ugliest.

        It’s a sensible explanation, but still insufficient in a theological sense, and a stain on Christendom, and protestantism particularly, as far as I’m concerned. Luther had already taken a vow of poverty. His antisemitism was more deeply rooted than simple greed.

      • juris imprudent

        Luther was a man and shaped by more than just his religious devotion. Antisemitism was well established within the larger Catholic world as well – it wasn’t the Muslims that kicked the Jews out of Spain.

      • juris imprudent

        there’s aspects of Christ that are historically and theologically unique.

        Settled questions today, but in the early Church – the subject of much debate. What is orthodoxy and what is heresy has nothing to do with the inherent truth contained in either – but is purely a function of which faction best wielded power.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Antisemitism was never a theological issue. It was more fundamental.

        Jews killed Jesus was a convenient excuse. Post Holocaust, you then had Jewish Rev. George Kennedy going up to first class.

      • Old Man With Candy

        It wasn’t the Jews, it was the Italians. The Jews just ordered the hit.

      • Gustave Lytton

        All the more reason for the Italian church to shift the blame.

      • LCDR_Fish

        I finally got around to starting to view the theological follow-up discussions to the Chosen episodes on the free app. In addition to the director, there is a Catholic Priest, Evangelical pastor and Jewish Rabbi (don’t recall his specific background) – and they go into great discussions detailing the specific points in each episode that would be realistic or strain credulity coming from each background – and emphasizing the amount of effort put into historic accuracy for the Jewish perspective, etc. Very different than a lot of material out there.

  7. PieInTheSky

    Merry whatever-holiday-you-celebrate-as-long-as-you-drink-the-good-stuff glibbies.

    Nastiest weather we had in a long while for ex-mas. Usually it is cold and snowy or cold dry and sunny. Now we have early november weather 7C and heavy non stop rain and strong winds ( or what civilized places call strong winds 30-45 mph with gusts up to 45mph I don’t know what nonsense you are up to wind wise in the US)

    • Suthenboy

      I enjoyed your article yesterday, thank you for that.

      That does sound like very nasty weather.

    • PieInTheSky

      30-35 goddamnit

    • Pat

      It rained here, and the low was 40 Fahrenheit, whatever that translates to in that dumbass, logical, base-10 system you people use, so I understand your suffering.

      I will be pouring Woodford Reserve Double Oaked Bourbon, as Jesus intended, save for my Christmas dinner drink, which will be a delightful fresh basil-infused g&t with The Botanist gin, Fever Tree tonic water, and fresh lime to go with my sage and basil pork tenderloin with roasted red potatoes and apple cranberry compote.

      • R.J.

        Sounds marvelous.
        We are in the final phase of prepping for movers. There is always something to do. Even today. We move out in three days. The new house will be ready in March. So, some ham and random store bought sides today as I work. I’ll send you the new address via email.

      • Pat

        Best of luck with the move! I had actually been meaning to email you to see how everything is coming. I’ll watch my inbox.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        It was discussed and decided the other night on glibzoom that we see the elegance of 0 degrees being freezing, but the rest is just too much. 10 is not a huge difference in F, but in C it’s a huge difference. There ps just too much change between 1 degree and the next to be useful.

      • R C Dean

        I like the sort of analogue humanity of 0 degrees being “really fucking cold” and 100 degrees being “really fucking hot”, myself.

      • R C Dean

        When I start today (not sure when exactly), it will be with aged eggnog. Which turned out really well.

        I can only drink so much of that (it’s incredibly rich), so after, who knows? It’s warm here today (into the high 70s, I believe), so Scotch seems not appealing. Maybe Sazerac.

    • Old Man With Candy

      At the moment, Irish coffee. For later, a Herman Wiemer Cab Franc from the Magdelena Vineyard.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Black coffee and a shot of vodka. Hair of the dog and whatnot…

      • R C Dean

        I was corpse-fucking the overnight thread this morning with this:

        Stinky, your avatar reminded me that a few days ago I saw a little bit of Home Alone at the cantina while waiting for take-out, and I couldn’t get past the glossy pink lipstick they put on McCauley Culkin.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It’s Hollyweird RC, they gotta pretty them kids up.

  8. Rat on a train

    It’s not often that Pagan Christmas and Taliban Chanukkah coincide- and even when it happens, it’s only for half a day- the drunken lighting of the Menorah doesn’t happen until sundown this evening.
    (((You))) may have to leave a little early, but no day off. Get to work.

  9. juris imprudent

    redeem them

    To put on my Nietzschean airs, this is probably the single most powerful value in the Judeo-Christian arsenal. Of course it really requires the Greek duality of humanity to make it work on the scale of eternity. It would be many years before the concept of alienation came into secular use, but here it is at the root.

    • Suthenboy

      “…the single most powerful value in the Judeo-Christian arsenal.”

      I have been scolded for saying that.

      • juris imprudent

        Once you believe that you have a soul that lasts forever (without ever understanding from whence it came) it is pretty natural to be concerned with what happens to it after this life.

    • Pat

      I’d agree. That and dragging the quality of mercy to a place of supremacy. Son of god or not, there’s a reason why we divide western history by Christ’s birth. If nothing else, he’s unequivocally the most influential human to have lived, thus far.

    • Chafed

      That looks delicious. And thanks for yesterday’s article. Very interesting.

    • Grummun

      Is that chocolate or poppy seeds in there? As a Czech by heritage, poppy seeds figure strongly in my family’s holiday baked goods.

      Also, thanks a lot for the Romanian history lesson. I particularly enjoyed the economic commentary. Looking forward to the second half.

  10. PieInTheSky

    Honest question OMWC: do you know all this (((stuff))) or do you google it before writing posts?

    • Pat

      I have a very non-observant Jewish friend who can still quote from Hebrew school. (((They))) are generally good about that, even the irreligious ones.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I had a long and painful religious education. So I figure to make all you guys suffer for it.

      • R C Dean

        This essay is a great illustration of the kind of critical thinking (and contrasts with the dogmatic thinking the bad gato talks about here:*

        https://substack.com/inbox/post/153523867

        “the sorts of critical thinking and reasoning that allows extrapolation to the specific from the general or can cross check a process or pretext as representing a general case solution vs a narrower one in order to determine how it fits into broader moral precepts.”

        “ i think X. “no,” wails the angry head girl, “” but why? ask i. “how do you reconcile this with Y and Z and is this not a contradiction with ABC?” and absent critical thinking and engagement, there is nowhere to go.”

        *apologies if that’s a subscriber-only post

  11. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    The food discussion makes me miss the Mediterranean bakery & grocery in VA that have all kinds of flavors of Hamantash. I loved the poppy ones.

    Yet another food I’ll have to learn to make myself

  12. robodruid

    Merry Holiday’s Glibs.
    Just want to thank you for all of the inciteful, snarky, sexy posts and most excellent fiction.’
    Yall have helped me stay alive and sane during a most difficult 2024.

    • Pat

      OOTL, but whatever difficulties you’ve endured in 2024, here’s hoping you will be recompensed for them in the coming year.

    • Mojeaux

      Give us a report if you feel so inclined. Hoping you have a great 2025!

  13. Fourscore

    Happy December 25th!

    For us lesser religious folks it’s another day, a day to enjoy.

    The critters need to be provided for, wood needs gathering. The days are getting longer.

  14. Common Tater

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

  15. Common Tater

    HAPPY CHANUKKAH!!

    • Pat

      Now (((they’re))) just doing it to goad me.

      • Common Tater

        Well, not if this actually happened.

    • Chafed

      Judging by the photo she is too old for that crap.

  16. Atreides

    Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukkah and a Delicious National Pumpkin Pie Day to all of you glorious Glibertarians!

    Many thanks to OMWC and those who helped create this site and keep it running as a place devoted to “Free Thought and Free Exchange of Goods and Services.” 😉

    And, much love to all of you contributors and commenters who keep this such a lively corner of the Web.

    • Pat

      God love that atheist, consumerist, materialist, amoral, self-interested bitch.

  17. Common Tater

    “Princeton University’s Gender and Sexuality Studies (GSS) program will offer classes on topics like “sex work” and “queer spaces” during its upcoming spring semester, incorporating topics like “erotic dance,” “pornography” and more, according to the university’s online course listing.”

    https://nypost.com/2024/12/24/us-news/princeton-gender-studies-program-to-offer-sex-work-and-queer-spaces-courses/

    So finally a gender studies degree that can help you get work.

    • Jarflax

      Trigglypuff look alike sex workers is not a good plan.

    • Pat

      Masters of Science in OnlyFans when?

    • Chafed

      You know every photo used in class will be someone who shouldn’t be seen naked.

      • juris imprudent

        Lack of arousal will be noted as a micro-aggression.

      • R C Dean

        As will arousal without consent.

  18. Pat

    Here’s a seasonal anecdote:

    This year, my local county courthouse put up a nativity display in addition to their usual Christmas tree and festive lights. This being small town Texas, we’re not overly fastidious about the divorcement of church and state. One of my side gigs is retail merchandising at our local [big box store], and one of the reasons I’ve retained the job despite not necessarily needing the additional income is because it forces me to socialize, and gives me a chance to observe the local environment. During the course of my work a couple of weeks ago I overhead two [big box store] associates, both female, one lily white, the other natively-Spanish-speaking Hispanic, discussing how someone had lodged a complaint over the nativity display. Both were outraged, and went on for about 5 minutes expressing their displeasure with the sort of people who would raise a stink about such a thing, before the less melanin-rich of the two concluded the conversation by exasperatedly stating: “It’s so retarded!”

    The sort of rank provincialism that would drive Don to return to Texas just for the joy of leaving it again. To be honest, I fucking love it.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I’m an agnostic-verging-on-atheist Jew and even *I* think that’s retarded.

    • rhywun

      It is my understanding that “separation of church and state” is a misinterpretation, and as such there is nothing wrong with nativity displays. It is how wicca and satan fruitcakes get to display their stuff too.

      • Common Tater

        Also, Christmas trees are an exception, for some reason.

      • Pat

        Perhaps surprisingly, I’m actually quite sympathetic to the idea that public buildings shouldn’t put on uniquely religious displays, although such was permissible and common until the 14th Amendment subjected states to the same requirements as the federal government (up until that point, state-supported churches were still technically legal, although increasingly uncommon; an abomination in my view). The actual term “wall of separation between church and state” is from a private letter sent by Thomas Jefferson, and is not used explicitly in either the constitution or federal law.

      • rhywun

        I do find such displays unseemly but I don’t get worked up about it at all. I might have when I was younger.

      • juris imprudent

        Christmas trees are an exception

        Pagan nature worship, sort of like Native American holy places.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Anything that tears down or undermines dominant culture is acceptable.

    • Atreides

      Good heavens, the “Freedom from Religion “ types are tedious.

      I must never be even casually exposed to the horror of any display of your abhorrent personal beliefs on the property of the state. You, however, must turn your children over daily to the state’s education system to be indoctrinated in my personal beliefs.

      • Chafed

        How else will confused children learn about dozens of different genders?

    • Suthenboy

      Of course it is retarded. Same for the ten commandments. These things represent the philosophical foundations of our culture. That does not make them the literal law of the land.
      The shitbirds whining about that stuff are the disrupter types…shit slingers slinging shit for the sake of it. Antifa/BLM types. Fuck ’em.

      • Mojeaux

        That India article I linked last night specifically mentions that India doesn’t have a Ten Commandments and that basic morality is largely lacking, and that such a code really underpins a society.

      • juris imprudent

        The issue of trying to graft western institutions onto foreign cultures. But dammit we KNOW we have the universal truth!!!

      • Common Tater

        Hindus have the Yamas and Niyamas, which are moral code similar to the Ten Commandments.

      • Mojeaux

        When you import people who are not psychologically ready or able to embrace western cultures, there’s gonna be a problem.

        When you go into other countries to bring them truth or light, you’re either missionaries or conquerors, and you damn well better conquer completely or don’t bother.

      • Grummun

        But dammit we KNOW we have the universal truth!!!

        I’ll take the culture with the reasonable expectation that theft and rape will be treated as a criminal outrage.

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, I prefer a dignity culture over an honor one, and I’ll even grant it is a higher order one. That still doesn’t make it universal (or all would already have it).

    • R C Dean

      “gives me a chance to observe the local environment”

      IYKWIMAITYD

      • Pat

        I *did* meet the below-mentioned single mom there…

    • Old Man With Candy

      I took your name in vain this morning. Convo with NPR Prime (for whom we really do have to have a better nickname): “Well, I was encouraged to pursue you by a crazy drunk lady in a trailer park.”

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        Oh for fuck’s sake! 😆

      • SDF-7

        I was thinking Expedia — but she’s still practicing, isn’t she? So it doesn’t really work….

      • Old Man With Candy

        Yes, still has two practices. Mentions the idea of slowing down and reducing her workload, but (like me) showing no actual inclination to do so.

        I sent her a copy of this essay a few days ago and she’s still speaking to me, despite her having taught Sunday School at a Catholic institution.

    • rhywun

      Corndogs have seasonings?

      • Pat

        If you douse them in yellow mustard as god intended, then technically yes.

      • rhywun

        Fair enough – only way to make it somewhat edible for me.

    • Suthenboy

      Me in England after eating various foods: “What is wrong with y’all? I can throw a rock from here and hit a French Chef, goddammit.”
      English friends: *shrugs* “I dunno. I dont get it either.”

      There are a number of Utoob videos on English people trying American dishes. Without exception they rave about it.
      America: fluffy, buttery biscuits with sausage gravy
      English: Beans on dry toast <——WTF?
      I like the one with English teenage boys trying Whataburger Patty melts and Bacon cheese burgers with sweet sauce. I swear those boys had orgasms. They said they never dreamt such things could exist. It is truly sad.

      They do have a much more authoritarian mindset…hell, they are turning their country into an open air prison as we speak. Maybe they like prison food?

      • Chafed

        It’s sad watching them self-destruct.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Fried bread > dry toast.

    • DrOtto

      *dabs on a bit of mustard*mind blown*

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        Right??? Who in their right mind eats a dry corn dog???

        Oh, a Brit.

        (I realize the dude in the video has an Irish accent. He’s Northern Irish. So there.)

      • DrOtto

        I guess you have to learn how to walk before you can run.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Good corndogs doesn’t need mustard or ketchup. Let that crunchy fried cornmeal shine. The hot dog is merely structural, like rebar.

      • juris imprudent

        Good corndogs

        Assumes a meaning of good that might not be common. By that token there is good oatmeal.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Groats > oatmeal.

        I do like regular oatmeal or other grain porridges, usually with brown sugar.

      • Pat

        Haha, yeah, totally!

        *definitely hasn’t eaten oatmeal with apples and cinnamon for breakfast every day for the last 8 years, and certainly doesn’t consider cornmeal-battered, fried Nathan’s beef franks a delicacy*

  19. SDF-7

    Two links folks may find vaguely interesting — TW on the second one… I’m not crying remembering my last pup and sitting with her when she passed… YOU’RE CRYING!!

    My takeaway on this is that we’ve been talking about the bureaucratic state being too much in charge of policy versus elected officials (as well as FedGov spending driving inflation) for over 50 years? Bit longer than I remember… and thanks, Ron for doing oh-so-much about it… Sigh. (To be somewhat fair, didn’t he push for a line-item veto to try to keep Congress from porking up things that needed to be done in their finest tradition? One could argue the President could literally refuse to sign any bill that wasn’t single-issue to get that effect… but that’d take discipline or.. “Saying No” one might say…) Anyway — almost black pill in the confirmation that talking about the problem seems to be the best we get when it comes to DC.

    And second link. As mentioned above… this one really hits home and likely will with any of us who’ve had to say goodbye to a pet, especially a dog.

    Avoid it if you want to stay jolly. Or save it for tomorrow.

    • juris imprudent

      Yeah, yeah, and Reagan was going to strangle the Dept of Education in it’s crib. Ho ho ho. We aren’t ever going to elect a Congress that takes this shit seriously, because at least half of the country is willing to keep the status quo.

      The only way to heal your broken heart over the loss of a pet is to let another one mend it.

      • Tundra

        The only way to heal your broken heart over the loss of a pet is to let another one mend it.

        We had to put Kiki down two days before Thanksgiving in 2023. We woke up without a dog that Wednesday for the first time in 30 years. Started the search and picked up Indie the first week of January. It’s the only way.

      • Pat

        The only way to heal your broken heart over the loss of a pet is to let another one mend it.

        Everybody copes differently. My last cat died 4 years ago now, and I don’t want another one. Someday, perhaps, but now is not the time.

        Same with a spouse or lover. Some people are able to move on more quickly, some people never do. Neither approach is right or wrong.

      • Mojeaux

        Every time our cats die (not that often!) I SWEAR we will not get another cat. About 3 days later, I have been driven to madness because there is no kitty soul in the house and I go get a pair. Always a pair. Except my last pair hate each other.

      • mindyourbusiness

        We’ve lost a good many cats over the years, mostly due to age. One of ours will probably go before long.

        Strange phenomenon: Shortly after one of them dies, a stray (sometimes two) will show up on our doorstep and become part of the family. Leads me to wonder if maybe a kindly Fate arranges a comfort for them – and us.

    • Gustave Lytton

      That’s a tear jerker. Only two years since we put our doggo to sleep. New puppers is climbing on me because the room is getting dusty and she’s way too aware of everything.

    • Chafed

      Great Christmas song.

  20. Timeloose

    Happy Middle East holiday, day!

    I enjoyed both this educational post as well as the history of Romania yesterday.

    I’ve been eating Slavic sweets all week as is my tradition. Here is one of my favorites my mom makes from a recipe she got from my dad’s Baba.

    This not that recipe, but it is very similar.

    https://www.slovakcooking.com/2009/recipes/makovnik-orechovnik/

  21. juris imprudent

    Judah Maccabee was the first Jew to make contact with the Romans

    Somewhat like MacMurragh (deposed King of Leinster) requesting the aid of Henry II of England.

  22. DEG

    Merry Christmas!

    I’m still sick. So you folks will have to pick up the slack of Christmas drinking for me.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There’s Baileys in my coffee because I finally don’t have to drive anywhere in the morning (or afternoon).

        Will be having some Midwinters tonight. Not a big rye fan, but that one is alright.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’m concerned your blood alcohol is going to drop below a safe level.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s what the NyQuil is for.

    • Fourscore

      Birch beer for me, I learned it from you, DEG!

      • DEG

        Excellent

        🙂

        I restocked at Thanksgiving. Birch beer, root beer, ginger beer, and something extra. Otto’s had their Raspberry Cream Soda in stock. I don’t normally like raspberry, but that soda is delicious. That’s the extra.

      • DEG

        I should have included a link.

    • Pat

      This link seems to be written in some non-Latin alphabet.

  23. Sean

    Greetings from my new iPad.

    🤭🎅🏻☃️

    • R.J.

      Fantastic!
      My present is a Sangean HDR-19 radio. I. Am enjoying some Christmas music on it now.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I’ve got one of their radios, they make a good product and Taiwanese at that.

      • Sean

        I have a PR D7 from them, It’s handy.

    • PieInTheSky

      i only ate carbon neutral pork

      • Suthenboy

        And here I was thinking ‘pork’ is organic matter.

    • Chafed

      JFC they are tedious.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats
    • Pat

      A friend of mine and I have a tradition of turning all of our lights an electrical appliances during Earth Hour. Small victories.

    • Suthenboy

      This whole ‘Human prosperity and happiness bad’ narrative has taken the course of all fantasy world building exercises. At some point it fills out to fine details and take on the feel of reality. In story telling you aren’t supposed to lose sight of the fact that it is fantasy. Once you do that you have entered the realm of mental illness.

    • rhywun

      “You have your religions, we have ours.”

  24. DrOtto

    Local news has a story about “dramatic” time changes to sunrise and sunset if Daylight Savings Time goes away. Have we hit peak derp yet?

    • R.J.

      I think it will get crazier and crazier over the next few years, before the newspapers finally go out of business. Then we can bulldoze the empty offices and salt the earth.

    • Mojeaux

      It’s been all over Twitter. There have been STUDIES! conducted as to how putting that hour in the evening would be DISASTROUS.

      One hour. 🙄

      • juris imprudent

        Standardized time for the sake of trains was an unrecoverable mistake.

      • Gustave Lytton

        But the children waiting at bus stops* in the dark!

        *no kids wait at bus stops anymore. They all wait at the end of their driveway, usually in idling cars. And it’s still dark even with standard time.

    • Suthenboy

      Standardizing one accounting of time will move numbers around in the day. It wont change when and how long day and night are. What the clock says is arbitrary. Daylight and dark are not.
      What is wrong with these monkeys? Oh, they are monkeys.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    But the children waiting at bus stops* in the dark!

    We should put the schools on a “daylight hours” schedule. The teachers’ union would be in favor of that. Wouldn’t they?

  26. Suthenboy

    One of you girls around here posted last year an Eastern European? orchestra of a Christmas performance…apparently one of those famous things I am unfamiliar with. It was perhaps the best performance I had ever seen. Can anyone point me to it? I would like to see it again and for Mrs. Suthenboy to enjoy as well. I cant find it despite scratching around for an hour.

  27. Pope Jimbo

    Merry Christmas to all of you!

    I wrote “From: Satan” on every tag on the presents today. No one noticed. Not sure if that is shade on my handwriting or the the sad state of English literacy of Japan.

    I do know that the first three thing built of of the 1200 pc. leggo set were 1) Santa Clause, 2) Rudolph and 3) Jimbo’s castle.

    • Tundra

      Merry Christmas, Holiness!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Enjoy your fried chicken! Don’t forget to tell your wife you want a new Christmas cake because the old one is dried out.

    • Pat

      Ngl, I dated a single mom earlier this year, and playing with her kid’s Legos was the… third or fourth, at least, best thing about the whole relationship.

  28. Mojeaux

    [[[I]]] hate it when [[[we]]] insist on the formal “We are not Mormons. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Please respect that.” I find it linguistically condescending and distancing.

    I just told a [[[dude]]] on X who was doing that “the prophet has asked us to do this” that it’s as silly as pronouns. 🙄

    • Suthenboy

      Yep. Language police, thought police all so very tiresome and worthy of ignoring. Just do it anyway and turn a deaf ear to their crybullying.

  29. Suthenboy

    Oh, hey Mojeaux, weren’t you the one that attended the Christmas concert of the Eastern European orchestra I asked about above?

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Not a moment too soon

    The construction of the first Polar Security Cutter (PSC) heavy icebreaker for the U.S. Coast Guard is now formally proceeding. Though the milestone is important, it also underscores the PSC program’s already massive delays. The first of these new icebreakers was originally supposed to have been delivered this year and now may not arrive until 2029. The Coast Guard is sorely in need of more heavy icebreakers, with only one such ship, which is aging and increasingly hard to maintain, in its current fleet.

    The Integrated Program Office for the PSC, which the Coast Guard runs together with the U.S. Navy, received approval to proceed with building the first PSC on Dec. 19, according to a press release yesterday. Bollinger Mississippi Shipbuilding in Pascagoula, Mississippi, is the current prime contractor for the new icebreakers. VT Halter Marine was originally hired to design and build three of the ships in 2019. Bollinger acquired VT Halter Marine in 2022.

    There won’t even be a polar ice cap by then.

    • LCDR_Fish

      On the plus side, we just bought a used one from Finland. There was a great podcast ep by CDR Salamander a few weeks ago with a former Navy attache who lives in Finland – on the state of the Icebreaker industry. (may be free on spotify, don’t recall),

    • Fourscore

      Design by Tesla

  31. SarumanTheGreat

    Now that my internet is finally back up, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and hope you have a peaceful and enjoyable next few days!

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