“You have to do the job and accept Daddy’s pardon, Slashballs. Because of The Implication.”
Acrid smoke jetted from Hunter’s nostrils as he finished the sentence, joining the previously exhaled vapors already curling around his head.
“I’m no fool, Hunter. I made the mistake of getting crossed up with your Family; I’ll own it. But you’re gonna pay for my services.”
“We’re good for it, you know that.”
“No. No fucking way am I taking a canvas of yours as payment like that other moron did. Cash on the barrel head.”
“Hunter’s art really speaks to the soul!” Ella piped up from Dick Slashballs’s blind side, her pit-stained Tactalneck reeking in the night air.
“Christ, what the fuck is she doing here, you creep?”
“Momala wants me to learn some fieldcraft to get ready for ‘28! I’m very interested in wet ops.” She shifted closer to Dick, who, flinching, found himself pressed against Hunter’s shoulder.
“Ella is a true patron of the fine arts, Dick, you should let her show you some time.”
“Matron, you misogynist swine!”
“All right, both of you shut the fuck up and tell me what the job is right now. My price just tripled. And show me the pardon, or the deal’s off.”
Hunter pulled out his phone, flashing a picture of a signed document with the Presidential Seal on it. “Daddy has you covered. But first, the job. I call it Operation DC Slide” Hunter took another drag on the glass pipe. I’ve only got a couple hours of total immunity left, and I intend to use it to the fullest. I need you to jack one of those rice burners over there.” He indicated a row of super tuned Honda Civics parked in front of a shitty all-night sushi bar across the street from their concealment. “Those Chinks really know how to make ‘em.”
“What? I thought we were here to assassinate some Eastern European royalty” Slashballs scratched his head. “And, Hunter, ‘Chink’ is not the preferred nomenclature.”
“OK, ‘Slopes,’ then. Nah, we’re gonna drift around DC and see how many stars we can rack up before midnight, when my pardon turns into a pumpkin! Donuts on the Mall!”
“Shouldn’t we steal a Camaro for that?” Slashballs said with wry exasperation.
“OOH, that sounds sexy,” Ella crooned, her flat affect causing Dick’s already uncanny-valley-stretched nerves to shudder.
Slashballs jumped to his feet. “That’s enough! I’ll bring the car around.”
He melted into the dark, one with the night, muttering under his breath. “Moron ought to be feeding the shredders, like the rest of them.”
“He’s soooo dreamy, Hunter.”
“Don’t I know it, Ella. Don’t I know it.”
“OOH, that sounds sexy,” Ella crooned, her flat affect causing Dick’s already uncanny-valley-stretched nerves to shudder.
Just the right note of horror. Bravo, DB.
Clever tie in!
/I get that reference
It’s a reference I know! So I clapped!
Fun. 🙂
Please substitute for “Matron,” “Theytron.”
^this
Damn, that’s gorgeous. Yuck.
Long ago, I brought “y’all” back into my lexicon. Half ‘southern” so it fits the family and times. Equally, I’m reinstating “It” as my pronoun if choice for kids and others’ gender if unclear.
My triumphant masculinity remains staunch. All 5’6.5″ and 135lb of me. Being fit polishes my youthful charm. My 5’3″ Munchkin in MN awaits.
In my younger days in the Marines, I had a roomate from the deep woods of western North Carolina.
In those 2 years y’all became a permanent part of my vocabulary.
I think it’s been in the last 3 or 4 years that I don’t use it as much.
I cultivated that into my vocabulary when I was waiting tables in Houston.
I saw a picture of Sloper flying over some country he had just overthrown. He was a handsome man.
And he can cook, too!
“Because firing squads”
https://x.com/ScottJenningsKY/status/1863952502023958968?s=19
And not a single one of them had the wit to ask, “Are these Trump firing squads in the room with us right now?”
That was the most epic eye roll. That needs to become a meme.
Get a good mash up of JD eye glance and that eye roll and we may see heads explode.
Ella piped up from Dick Slashballs’s blind side, her pit-stained Tactalneck reeking in the night air.
I had a moment of disorientation, colors and shapes fading, morphing, and re-solidifying, as the SugarVerse briefly crossed over and merged into the DBReality.
Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew.
Just think about how much more effective the blackmail pics would be, when they involve Ella railing ‘the subject’ with something illegal to sell in Texas…
Dude. Lunchtime.
Luckily I’ve been conditioned for many years and this didn’t even slow my fork. Nice try, though.
illegal to sell in Texas…
Is it an abortion? Human organs? Or $5 gas during a hurricane?
“Adult novelties”
steely dan?
Come on man, it’s not Wednesday when that kind of thing is expected.
“steely dan?”
Bravo!
I appreciate DB’s and SF’s and all the other glib diagraphs glorious but doomed attempts at parodying the modern world. To wit:
https://dailycaller.com/2024/12/03/taylor-lorenz-raw-dog-air-covid-mask-book-launch/
“Raw dogging” air is trending on X
So… is this like the “raw dogging on a flight” thing, injecting air directly into my lungs, or breathing like a normal person?
Breathing like a normal person, without a mask
🙄
Yes, Taylor. We are absolutely, positively, 100% not the same.
Praise friggin’ Jesus.
Wait I thought that was from years ago. She posted that YESTERDAY!
Yes, as we sit here in a pandemic ravaged ‘merica.
OT- Neph – you’ll have to run this through archive.fo
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/03/dining/drinks/guinness.html
It’s blocked for me at work.
you’ll have to run this through archive.fo
Well that’s fricking silly. But, admittedly, if she was pouring, I might have to get a Guinness too. I wonder if there’s a correlation between silly/stupid behavior and attractive women… An evolutionary biologist should look into that.
Sensei:
That… may be the dumbest drinking challenge I’ve ever heard of. The way I was taught was that you could tell the country of origin of the drinker by how many rings of lace were left on the glass.
10+ – British
7-9 – American
4-6 – Irish
1-3 – Irish Americans
Guinness has always been widely available in this area, but we do have a bunch of micks here in Cleveland.
I’ve been drinking Guinness (draft or can, but never bottle) for decades. It’s readily available in Metro NYC and most of NJ. I had one over Thanksgiving break when we went out to dinner.
But I’m part Irish…
I like Guinness but that’s retarded. Whatever happened to sitting at the bar, having a Guinness and a heater, and talking shit with the guy next to you? Tradition is important.
I’m sort of fascinated by this lunatic.
You can’t fix her.
She might fix you though.
Like taking your dog to the vet.
Are we sure that SF didn’t sneak into the editorial room at the Daily Caller?
“The pandemic is ongoing, wear a mask and stop harassing disabled ppl,” she concluded.”
Just, wow.
“It’s patently insane, what you get when you cross delusional narcissism with nuclear-grade neuroticism.”
About as good a description of her as you will read.
Its all performative though. No one would have said a damn thing, well maybe snicker and shake their heads, if they walked by the event. Her insanity is just within her and COVID gave her an excuse to let it out.
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/9c394abb-dd26-4e50-8789-cc2ec86b66a7
I see a pretty girl like that saying that kinds of nutso shit and I assure myself “That’s just a performance, underneath that is a normal decent person that I would totally get along with”
Actually I do believe most of what we see via the media is performance.
There are nutsos out there, and they are filled with righteous hate. More than you could ever imagine. I don’t go out too much anymore so I avoid them.
OT OK, yes?
The greatest intersection of tech and metal I have ever seen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atcqMWqB3hw
My only regret is that Chafed is not enough of a tech guy to fully appreciate this.
At 300 baud apparently.
The prequel:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUleKnUUaGI
“text2dragonforce”
*dies*
Please tell me this is a plug-in for wireshark.
Are we looking at a military coup in South Korea?
https://x.com/visegrad24/status/1863972696653979716
It’s been voted and rescinded.
What caused that?
Somebody should tell those soldiers.
https://www.wsj.com/world/asia/south-koreas-president-declares-martial-law-citing-threat-of-pro-north-korean-forces-a1fdc738?st=zTQuMq&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/east-asia/south-korea-martial-law-latest-news-president-north-korea-b2658047.html
“South Korean military vow to maintain martial law despite protests and parliament vote”
That isn’t good.
South Korean president Yoon Suk Yeol says he will lift martial law hours after imposing it – live https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2024/dec/03/south-korea-declares-emergency-martial-law-yoon-suk-yeol-north-korea-latest-updates
So the military ignored the legislature, but is now obeying the President? That’s kind of disturbing.
A coup? Is this over that 4B thing?
That’s a thread winner right there.
Hahaha!!!
The return of D/B! Huzzah!
Hear, hear!
(Sorry for going OT without acknowledging this stomach-churning masterpiece. I’m not sure when D/B crossed over into the Sugarverse but I like? it.)
Some non-fiction to enjoy. Glad I waited ’til after lunch .
Thanks DB
Absolutely!
I love these crossovers. And it’s great to have Mr. Slashballs back!
I need you to jack one of those rice burners over there.” He indicated a row of super tuned Honda Civics parked in front of a shitty all-night sushi bar across the street from their concealment. “Those Chinks really know how to make ‘em.”
Perfect Thanks, db!
Speaking of my MN Munchkin: (I’m still trying to get her here. She wants to start a writing project about the waste in MN social services. She’s a legal clerk in Todd County and sees the mooching milkers firsthand. She says her coworkers all hate it and see the waste. I told her to give me as much detail as possible – She wants me to be the scribe and create an X account to ridicule True Believers. We both love the idea and I’m patiently waiting for her to feed me as much juice as she can.
So far the highlight is a chick needing a new EBT card cuz her boyfriend took it. She said he wouldn’t give it to her unless she opened up for some “butt sex.” This is now on an official MN document. I want to share more but I must be patient with lil Munch. She’s feisty.
Mojo et al: Can you link to your EBT rant on substack? I’m trying to show her female voices to convince her to migrant over here. She’ll fit right in. *Swoon*
https://www.barrons.com/news/biden-announces-1-bn-in-aid-for-african-countries-b384cf48
Fuck you North Carolina.
Need to channel some ji righteous anger here. Fuck you Congress for allowing this shit to happen in the first place.
Wow.
Tell me again how demons aren’t real?
The puppet masters with their hands up Biden’s ass truly hate America.
“And don’t forget, 10 % for the Big Guy.”
I was trying to figure out evn 1% in my head. That’s still a BIG number!
one billion is a thousand million.
10 percent is a hundred million.
It’s mostly going to the fucking NGOs.
If they allowed me into DOGE I would immediately declare war on the NGOs, destroy them and salt the ground where they stood.
North CarolinaAmerica.
That’s pretty fucked up but expected and will continue to be so until we as citizens start punishing the politicians who let this shit go on. What’s so angering is that they take our money (or borrow against our children’s futures) and give the money to their supporters and pet projects lie NGO’s.
As the saying goes, If George Washington and his homies were around today, they would be stacking bodies.
I really enjoyed this, I hope you write more in the extended universe!
2023 Fisker Ocean: From $70K to $13K in Less Than a Year
https://www.edmunds.com/car-news/2023-fisker-ocean-extreme-long-term-update-wrapup.html
We spent 11 months and roughly 7,000 miles with a 2023 Fisker Ocean Extreme.
In that time, Fisker went bankrupt and our vehicle lost just over 80% of its value.
We can’t buy one again for obvious reasons, but even if we could, we wouldn’t.
Legit lol.
Who the fuck would give them $13K on a trade? Rivian?
Repurpose the battery pack for off-grid housing?
My friend got the Extreme too.
The weird sequence of events in South Korea.
https://x.com/MyLordBebo/status/1864000163196330129
Hopefully not a trial run for DC in January. Like us, sounds like they need to seriously cull their senior military leaders.
If that’s the true chain of events, wow.
I suspect that they’ve for a second thought of some sort of coup but immediately came back down to reality and accepted the results and hope to stymy the next Administration through lawfare.
If they did pull to pull some South Korean shit, it sends us hurtling towards civil unrest.
It makes me giggle when people suggest our cops and military wouldn’t do the same fucking thing. Were none of them around for 2020-2021?