I, Soldier – part 38

by | Dec 30, 2024 | Fiction | 85 comments

I was initially optimistic when Reagan became president. Iran freed our hostages the day he was inaugurated. Reagan gave eloquent speeches and talked a good game about reducing government spending. He never actually got around to that part though. Instead, he shoveled more money into the military-industrial complex and got us into a proxy war against the Soviets in Afghanistan. Hundreds of our Marines were killed by a suicide truck bomb in Lebanon shortly after Reagan deployed them there. That misadventure didn’t stop Reagan from bombing Libya a few years later. I was left with a terrible feeling that the US would one day be involved in another long quagmire in the Middle East similar to one in Vietnam.

Alexandra was not a fan of Reagan either. She didn’t think a former actor was qualified to lead a nation, even if he had been the governor of California beforehand. I noted that Reagan was a Democrat as a governor but then switched parties when he ran successfully for president. It was another piece of evidence to support my theory that the ideal political strategy is to be a flip-flopper. In fiction, this idea was presented in 1984 where the totalitarian government of Oceania falsifies its own past newspapers and such to cover up its inconsistencies.

I turned 38 in 1983. It was good year for me. I bought a TRS-80 computer to replace my Underwood typewriter. Pioneer 10 passed Neptune and so set a new record for the greatest distance traveled by a manmade object. Alexandra and I watched the launch of the Challenger space shuttle in Cape Canaveral. She insisted our kids wear earmuffs for the launch, though we were so far away, it was about as loud as a fireworks show. It was a night launch; the first of its kind. It was in incredible to see that orange plume of flame from the engines against the pitch-black sky. It was like a reverse shooting star seen from up close.

The election of Thatcher was encouraging. It was nice to see a new conservative leader in Britain, and a woman to boot. Despite decades of Soviet subversion, Britain had not fallen to communism. If anything, the USSR was failing. They bought 10 million tons of grain from us in 1973. Later, Carter put an embargo on grain exports to the USSR as a punishment for invading Afghanistan. Reagan, despite his tough-on-communism rhetoric, campaigned on lifting the ban, and so easily won the farmer vote in all the midwestern states. Just as no one expected Nixon to open up diplomatic relations with red China, no one expected an ex-Democrat to lift a grain export ban on our arch-nemesis.

On the whole, as I entered statistical midlife, at least according to actuarial tables, I felt at peace. I had a wife and children, no health or money concerns, and the painful memories of my time overseas had greatly dimmed. I continued to be thankful that I left the Army with all the body parts I came in with. So many others weren’t nearly as lucky. Reconnecting with my mother was a risky move, but worth it. To keep my spirits up, I taped a quote to Alexandra’s picture on my nightstand so they would be the first things I’d see every morning. That quote is:


The key to happiness is freedom and the key to freedom is courage.
-Thucydides


THE END

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

85 Comments

  1. Don escaped Memphis

    Carter put an embargo on grain exports to the USSR as a punishment for invading Afghanistan. Reagan, despite his tough-on-communism rhetoric, campaigned on lifting the ban

    is there an objective way of characterizing fungibility?

    • R C Dean

      I think fungibility is inherently objective.

      • Don escaped Memphis

        I’m thinking in practical, economic terms. One imagines a question of how easily and quickly and at what changes in price the trade of the commodity takes, but there are so many moving parts.

        For example, if the Soviets said fuck you and the very next day were able to replace 100% of the affected quantity at precisely the same price, that would clearly be 100% fungibility. Presumably this would be because the world’s production were simply re-routed to honor circumvent the embargoes because there’s always some Switzerland or Argentina that gives fuck all about the opinions of the US or the USSR and are happy to change a few bills of lading.

        But there is usually a rub, say: it takes nine months for new channels and logistics to be arranged at the same price, or the change is achieved with the issue of the next set of futures, or some neighboring specs are substituted in a good-enough-if-no-one-starves sort of way…but at a clearly different landed costs.

      • R C Dean

        “the very next day were able to replace”

        Well, that’s as much magical as fungible. But your point is well taken that, while a product can be fungible, it still moves through markets, which introduce their own complications to theoretical “replacability”.

    • Derpetologist

      The number of things an item can be exchanged for?

      Is it listed on a currency or commodity exchange?

      The root of the word is the same as “function”. Anything that can act as money is fungible.

  2. R.J.

    “ I was initially optimistic when Reagan became president. Iran freed our hostages the day he was inaugurated. Reagan gave eloquent speeches and talked a good game about reducing government spending. He never actually got around to that part though.”

    Lather, rinse, repeat?
    Also greetings Derpy!

  3. Derpetologist

    Well, that’s all folks. At least for this story.

    Turns out it costs $50 to get a public defender. Not surprised. The process is the punishment.

    Been booze free for 9 days now. Yay me. I’m cooking most of my meals now too, so hopefully my weight, health, and sleep will all improve.

    I try to write something each day. It keeps me busy.

    Meanwhile, I emailed the local zoo, planetarium, natural history museum, and botanical garden for job/volunteer opportunities. I know they checked the links to my blog about my Africa and paleontology adventures. I figure if I get enough attention, someone will hire me. Until then, I have my online AI side gig.

    AI image recognition is getting really good. Behold:

    https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2024/12/ai-image-recognition-is-getting-really.html

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      When is (or was) your hearing date?

      • R C Dean

        Image recognition is the other, hard, kind of AI. Not, from what I read, the same as generative/LLM AI.

        I have an instinct that its more consequential in the long run than computers that babble like at autistic redditor.

      • Derpetologist

        No idea. I suspect the process will take months. Got a letter from my lawyer today. Tomorrow, I’ll pay the fee and try to schedule an appointment.

        I suspect minor offenses are a kind of cash cow for the legal system. Hence its complexity.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Are the PDs competent and not corrupt in your jurisdiction? How much for a private attorney?

      • Derpetologist

        PDs are the cheapest option for sure. I don’t see the point of fighting hard as the incident was filmed on security cameras and I got the lowest criminal charge possible.

        I do intend to explain the rationale for my actions (self-defense, long story) as well as my stance that banning open carry is unconstitutional.

        If I avoid jail as I expect, I’ll consider myself victorious.

    • R.J.

      I hope it gets better. You have had a bad run of luck lately.

      • Fourscore

        If it wasn’t for bad luck derp would have no luck at all.

      • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        If it wasn’t for bad luck derp would have no luck at all.

        *plays elaborate blues guitar solo*

    • Aloysious

      A nice, upbeat ending.

      Stay strong, Derpy.

      • Derpetologist

        This story was my longest and most successful attempt at fiction. It boosted my confidence.

        I’ve been lucky in many ways. It helps to remember that.

  4. Fourscore

    “Reagan gave eloquent speeches and talked a good game about reducing government spending”

    I voted for Reagan the first time, Nov ’79. That was the last time I voted.

    Fool me once….

    • rhywun

      I vote out of spite now. It gives me some minimal satisfaction.

      • DrOtto

        I too am a spite voter. This last time is the first time I actually voted for who the winner was. I suspect I’ll live long enough to regret it.

      • kinnath

        I took substantial joy in voting straight ticket Republican this time, not because I liked them but because I despise the Dems.

      • rhywun

        @Kinnath

        Same.

        Until last year in NYC I could always count on some 3rd party candidates to throw votes at first. Here in the sticks there is no such thing so I had to skip a bunch of unopposed Dems.

        That reminds me I am looking forward to detailed tract counts. I’m half-expecting to spot myself as some candidate’s lone voter in a race or two.

  5. rhywun

    @Unciv

    Mateo’s salsa is nice. Much better than its predecessor – Green Mountain Gringo something I found at Tops. Key seems to be the vinegar – red wine vinegar works. Apple cider vinegar does not work at all.

    Today I also learned that Wegmans sriracha is surprisingly good. Fun with store brands… some are great, some are terrible.

    • R C Dean

      Store brands are white label. Depending on who has the contract, they can be anything from (near) top shelf to generic. Ya don’t know until you try. And ya don’t know when they move the contract, either.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Jarred salsa? 🤨

      • rhywun

        lol Yup.

        I go with what is available. The big brands are disgusting glop.

        NYC produce departments would sell some decent homemade versions but nothing like that here in white-people-landia.

      • rhywun

        Ever think of making your own?

        Nope but bless the hearts of those who have the patience for that :/

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Herdez in cans isn’t bad, especially for the price; I don’t know if your gringo shops up there carry it.

      • rhywun

        I’ve tried that, some years ago. Mateo’s is better – but more expensive.

        It is often ever so….

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Where there’s cilantro there’s hope…

  6. Gustave Lytton

    Reagan ran both times on the Republican ticket for governor.

    • Derpetologist

      I stand corrected. Should have done more research.

      Well, he kept Carter from getting a second term. That counts for something.

      • Gustave Lytton

        He made a lot of hay from his “Democratic party left me” line. The President of Quips.

  7. Gustave Lytton

    His administration prosecuted those who failed to register with Selective Service, the repeal of which was a campaign promise in 1980.

    • Don escaped Memphis

      Berea is pretty country

  8. rhywun

    OT… looking at Steam’s “Best of 2024” which is actually best-selling.

    In the “New Releases” category I own exactly one out of the 50 listed and it is a “reimagining” of a sequel that was released 23 years ago but that I had missed out on. A couple others are on my wish list if only half-heartedly.

    It is not that I don’t find anything – I bought a ton of games this year, as every year. Very few of them are popular, though 🙂

    Most of the top selling games look very samey to me – how do people tell many of them apart??

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      In my gaming world what they say is a cheap sport is a liar. I have spent over 500$ this year on disc’s alone, tournaments fees adds another couple grand, not cheap.

    • rhywun

      My friend David French

      🥴

      I think I see where he went off the rails.

    • Not Adahn

      Ken White has always been pseudo-principled, but he was flamboyantly hateful towards people I don’t like, so I didn’t notice for an embarrassingly long time.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean!

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, U! How are you today?

      • Gender Traitor

        😟

      • Gender Traitor

        Grumpy over anything in particular? Or just in general?

      • UnCivilServant

        I fell asleep early, slept through my alarm, yet still managed to wake up tired. By the time I got moving it was after 6, which would have been catastrophic were this not a remote day. I remebered what I wanted to buy at the grocery store after I’d finished checking out. And I somehow managed to eat the wrong breakfast.

      • Gender Traitor

        I hope it gets better from here. 🙁🤞

      • Tres Cool

        Tomorrow will be better?

  9. Sean

    Happy new year, New Zeland!

    • Gender Traitor

      Trying to get their last digs in before the change in administration?

      • R C Dean

        The thing is, in an unthinkably vast organization like the FedGov, its entirely possible that a lot of these abuses will just play out despite the best intentions of new management.

      • Gender Traitor

        True. There are only so many crises that can be addressed at any one time – and there are so very many crises.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Better put than what I was going to say. The ever vast fiefdoms of the agencies and their regional offices will continue their terror upon the citizens

      • Don escaped Memphis

        ugh: re SD ranching couple’s troubles with Uncle Sam

      • Ownbestenemy

        Works as a standalone too

      • Don escaped Memphis

        needz more covfefe: note was properly indented after all

        OBE: is that a cell tower? is there a great story behind your avatar ?

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is an ASDE. Airport Surface Detection Equipment.

        We were operating a 250ft crane to replace the motor and slotted wave guide antenna back in 2014.

    • Suthenboy

      USFS and BLM, put them on the chopping block. The FedGov has no business owning/controlling land outside of DC. Give the land back to the states.
      Getting at the root of the problem rather than playing whack-a-mole with all of the little crisis’ is the best approach.

  10. DEG

    Mornin’

    The Sun is up. I’m moseying over to the gym soon.

  11. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody