Burns Night Friday Links

by | Jan 24, 2025 | Daily Links, I Am Lame | 110 comments

The girlfriend was interested in going to the Burns Night festivities, until she learned that there would be haggis (both regular AND curried) served there. So instead we’re staying home.

This was the predicted end once they got bought by AB-InBev, but I have fond memories of the site before that. Did my first trade, went to my first bottle share, met some strangers, all from a site started for beer geeks.

Harmful content, or reports of harmful content?

Kids and your “soulslike” hard games. Get back to me after you beat this.

We need more trolling like this.

Building on that, let’s go Bills.

Continuing in sports news, there’s a new champion.

Well, it’s got to be better than I, Robot, right? RIGHT?

“Did you know there was DNA in poop? I sure didn’t.”

The truth has come out, it’s time to shun the cheater.

Brought this up to my nephews, they’re not planning on jumping at the new price.

This is much better than a mouse-jiggler.

For the non-alcoholic drink (just this week and next left guys, you can make it), lets go with a twist on a traditional margarita.

Margarita Mocktail

  • Juice from two limes
  • Juice from one lemon
  • 1 part (0.5 ounce) jalapeno simple syrup (if you have cowboy candy in your fridge, you’ve already got a substitute on hand)
  • 4 part (2 ounce) tonic water

This is about as basic as you could get, add the juices and the simple syrup into a shaker filled with ice, shake until chilled, and strain into a chilled glass, then top with tonic water. You can salt the rim if you’d like, or leave some ice cubes in the glass to have it on the rocks. If you need a recipe for jalapeno simple syrup, start with equal parts sugar and water, add in some sliced jalapenos, and simmer for ~10 minutes.

With that, head out, and do your best to enjoy the weekend.

About The Author

Nephilium

Nephilium

Nephilium is a geek of multiple types living in the vast suburban forests of Cleveland.

110 Comments

  1. KSuellington

    Erections have consequences.

    • R.J.

      Are you talking about elections like Shanghai Joe?

      • KSuellington

        Hard to beat.

  2. UnCivilServant

    “Did you know there was DNA in poop? I sure didn’t.”

    I don’t want to follow the link, but fecal matter can be genetically traced to the… depositer.

    • Nephilium

      The line is from an episode of American Dad!, an angelic public defender says it after saying she can’t go back to her old job.

      • UnCivilServant

        That was not a series I watched.

    • Spartacus

      “Your Honor, my intent was to fertilize an embryo with Taylor Swift, she just happened to be somewhere else at the time. But it’s the intent that matters, right?”

  3. UnCivilServant

    With regards to GTA 6 – I have reached a level of ambivalence that equates to having forgotten it was in development.

    • rhywun

      games currently cost $70

      LOL not in my world.

      If I’m going to buy a “AAA” game, it’s going to be years later and at least 50% off. There are very few games I’m willing to drop more than around 20 bucks on.

  4. Shpip

    As written by Sen. Bradford Blackmon, the bill would make it “unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.”

    Anyone have “criminalizing the use of rubbers” on their Bingo card?

    Please, will someone think of the children Onanists?

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s grandstanding in support of baby murder.

      • SDF-7

        Exactly — it is attempting to troll just to get a reaction. Same sort of thinking that conservatives really want Handmaids and to track all women’s cycles “If they want that — let’s turn the narrative and go after MEN! That’ll show those knuckle draggers!”

        What an idiot.

    • Nephilium

      Pooing and spitting are both banned by the law (at least as covered by the article) as well.

    • Sean

      Every sperm is sacred…

    • kinnath

      That covers masturbation as well, correct. Then, there’s teenager’s unintentional nocturnal emissions to worry about.

      • kinnath

        Once the wife had her hysterectomy, all sex became criminal under this proposed law.

    • kinnath

      And, you fertilize eggs, not embryos.

      • R.J.

        “I was jerking off on some frog’s eggs in the bushes. I need to make more lizard men if I am ever going to take over the earth.”

    • mock-star

      This senator needs to be publicly shamed by his colleagues for his overt homophobia. “Lets ban M on M sex to troll the cons!”

      Other things that would be criminalized: mRNA vaccines, menstruation.

  5. Drake

    Haven’t watched much football in years. Sometimes I’ll sit down and turn on a game with intentions of watching. Then there will be a call like the one in the link, and I’ll loose all interest and find something else to watch or do.

  6. SDF-7

    The girlfriend was interested in going to the Burns Night festivities,

    Obligatory:

    “To see her is to love her,
    And love but her forever;
    For nature made her what she is,
    And never made anither!” ~ Robert Burns

    (Hey — at least it wasn’t

    “A women can make an average man great, and a great man average.” ~ Robert Burns

    )

    Also Obligatory

  7. SDF-7

    Harmful content, or reports of harmful content?

    Embrace the power of AND? (I suspect there was more actually harmful content — because AWFLs seem to actually be some of the most racist people I’ve encountered… and letting a whole swamp of them loose at once will increase the odds of one of them saying something, well… awful. But yeah, there’s also the reporting each other for WrongThink that folks supposedly observed…)

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Is swamp the plural of AWFL? Like a murder of ravens. A swamp of AWFLs.

      • SDF-7

        That’s my vote and why I picked it… I considered a few others, but I like that for the collective plural, yeah.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        It’s got my vote.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I strongly approve. An AWFL swamp of awful AWFLs.

        Trump’s first week holds legitimate promise of dredging the swamp from the Beltway swamp. Truly, I’m giddy and hopeful.

  8. SDF-7

    Kids and your “soulslike” hard games. Get back to me after you beat this.

    No need to go even that far back. Get back to me when you get an ascension run in Nethack, kids. Preferably wishless, poly-less at the least since the guaranteed wand of wishing makes the late game a little too easy (and poly’ing unicorn horns for magic markers is OP…)

    • Nephilium

      Beat the Babel fish puzzle in Infocom’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy without a hint guide (I didn’t).

      • UnCivilServant

        I couldn’t get out of the bedroom before the bulldozer arrived.

        That’s how intuitive it was.

      • SDF-7

        I think I got out once or twice… I don’t think I ever got the Tea and No Tea in my inventory before I looked at a Guide to the Guide.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        All I really remember about that game is that you had once chance to feed a dog near the beginning, and if you didn’t then you’d die about halfway through the game.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Damn it, 42 moves in and I missed my opportunity to feed the dog.

      • rhywun

        Planetfall was the best of that lot.

        Or… only one me & a buddy completed.

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t get the conflation of “brutally unfair” with “fun”.

      Was school uphill both ways too?

      • rhywun

        I have very little patience with games anymore.

        I recently did a clean sweep thru my Steam list and hid (with uninstall if needed) anything I didn’t feel like dealing with anymore. There are so many games out there that don’t cause me to rage-quit, why should I waste my energy on anything else.

    • EvilSheldon

      Nethack! That’s a name I haven’t heard in a very long time…

      • UnCivilServant

        I realize now that this was the perfect opportunity to roll out a line I’d thought up years ago:

        “They don’t make ’em like they used to – and it’s a good thing too.”

      • SDF-7

        Hey — it wasn’t like I pointed folks at Slash’Em, UCS… Nethack is beatable with either inordinate care and/or a good bit of luck. I’ve ascended more than once (don’t keep hard stats).

        Slash’Em just wants you to die as soon as possible.

  9. Tundra

    Alestorm are hilarious.

    And Haggis is awesome. Your girlfriend, while super nice and pretty, is so very wrong.

    We need more trolling like this.

    I actually think it’s kind of cool. Also, being a pro athlete with T1 is crazy.

    • SDF-7

      I was expecting Lizzy auditioning for My Fair Lady… “just you wait, ‘Enry ‘iggins — I’ll kill ya in yar sleep, I will!”

  10. EvilSheldon

    Mississippi Democrat State Senator introduces bill to criminalize gay sex. I’m sure that everybody is shocked.

    • Tundra

      Is it 1950 again?

      • EvilSheldon

        “I swear, your Honor, I thought the embryo was on her face…”

  11. SDF-7

    Well, it’s got to be better than I, Robot, right? RIGHT?

    Oh God…. I’ve always thought that trilogy would make a relatively easy set of screenplays… but given the track record of the entertainment industry on milking IPs and adaptations… dread (no… not Dredd) is all I actually feel at the idea. We’ll see, I guess… “please don’t screw it up” will be my mantra.

    • Nephilium

      I see it more as a series, you could do a book a season, or introduce a new case for a season (based on one of the stories from I, Robot as an example).

      • UnCivilServant

        Nobody making films or series has the humility needed to produce the product you’re imagining. They all want the opportunity to “put my own mark/spin/interpretation on it”

  12. SDF-7

    Brought this up to my nephews, they’re not planning on jumping at the new price.

    Bold strategy when AAA gaming has collectively sucked so much that as I recall the gaming trends show most people are still just playing classics and not buying the new crap.

    Sure — produce more shit and try to charge more for it… that’ll break the slump!

  13. DEG

    Surely, it’s only a matter of time before some bored computer whizz gets Doom running in Word, and I will be first in line to output Doom frames in Wingdings.

    Barf.

      • Sean

        lol

      • DEG

        Barf

  14. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Mouse Jiggler is one of the worst porn names ever.

  15. Derpetologist

    I turned 40 today. Yay me. No desire to buy a sportscar or get a stripper girlfriend either.

    Two songs that speak to me:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrhAC0dFis0

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9kRO5BqCGs

    I bought a 6-foot bamboo staff today from Kanapaha Botanical Gardens. It makes me feel like kung fu Gandalf. I’m ready to be a yamabushi (Japanese mountain hermit saint). Best $4 I ever spent.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      A stripper girlfriend is the worst way to address a midlife crisis. Better to start doing blow and driving drunk, it’s much safer.

      • Derpetologist

        I know from extensive personal experience that one of those is much safer:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5LyFKrikZQ

        In fairness, if not for certain DLI policies that apply only to Army students, there’d have been no issue.

    • R.J.

      Nice. Happy birthday!

    • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      Happy Birthday, Derpy!

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      🦛 🐦 🐑🐑!

      🎂

    • Sean

      🥳🥩🎂

    • Tonio

      Happy Birthday, you young whippersnapper! Yamabushi, for the win.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Your harem of Russian FB friends, who are allegedly NOT stripper girlfriends, are mighty curious. Some were more interesting than others. (That’s how ya know to charge MORE than the Downtown $20. Talent.)

      (I kid because many keep trying to friend me. Some snoopin’ in Bot-Land was done.) Happy birthday and enjoy the shrubbery.

    • SarumanTheGreat

      Yes, happy birthday!

  16. Name's BEAM. *James* BEAM.

    Hey Neph!

    Out of desperation due to our post-Noel semi-boycott of wine in the house for every evening meal, my wife threw together an extremely simple cocktail of Gin Mare (Spain) and cranberry juice (NOT “cocktail”! — that stuff’s an abomination), and damn my eyes if it isn’t mighty tasty.

    Interestingly, it’s not nearly as good with standard “London Dry” gins we’ve tried. That Spanish gin’s really something.

    • Nephilium

      I’m very partial to the Japanese gins myself.

  17. Tundra

    The Costco gas station is a fascinating sociological experiment.

    It concerns me that a lot of these people are out driving around

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Same with Sam’s. What I find interesting is how people will wait and wait in line and not pull into the empty pumps that service the relatively few cars with the filler on the right. I guess stretching the nozzle all the way across is beneath them.

      • trshmnstr

        I guess stretching the nozzle all the way across is beneath them.

        I admit to silently judging people who stretch the nozzle. Unless you have a compact car, the hose is hardly long enough, meaning that the nozzle is twisted and the hose is smacking up against the car.

      • creech

        I’ve tried that, but the hose rarely stretched far enough to reach the other side of my SUV. So I just stopped trying.

      • R.J.

        I miss 70s sedans with the gas filler in the middle under the license plate.

      • Sensei

        Win for NJ.

        Attendants won’t pump unless you pull upon the proper side.

        Pay no attention to waiting for the attendant and the extra fucking time and expense.

        It’s the state looking out for our safety as it should…

      • Rat on a train

        My car only takes left-handed gas.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Eff that. No drips across my ride.

      • Sean

        I’ve never seen that round these parts.

    • KSuellington

      I’m a sucker for cheap gas but it’s rare that I’m willing to brave the Costco gas station m, even when already doing my bi-monthly shop there. God protect you.

      • Tundra

        I got lucky today. There were some traffic cones confusing people and so the very first lane was pretty much empty. I had to wait about 2 minutes for somebody to finish up and when I left there were cars still parked way outside. It’s absolutely hilarious

  18. The Late P Brooks

    What I find interesting is how people will wait and wait in line and not pull into the empty pumps

    *flashback to Vegas casinos with people lined up to all go through the same door when there are fifty perfectly good doors available*

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Oh right, you want me to through one of the unlucky doors?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Because most people walk out losers one needs to enter through the little used doors. Those are the lucky ones.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Maybe it will rain frogs

    Such is the paradox of Los Angeles County this winter: It is dangerously dry. But recent disasters — the Palisades, Eaton and Hughes fires and the peninsula landslides — have made people fear the effects of rain they know they desperately need.

    If the rain doesn’t come, the fire danger will increase. If it comes too fast, it could trigger mudslides and toxic runoff in the burn scars, and it could accelerate movement on the Palos Verdes Peninsula.

    ——-

    The current dry spell comes after the back-to-back wet winters of 2023 and 2024. Atmospheric rivers pummeled the Southland with record-breaking rainfall that brought lush vegetation — which dried out and became combustible last summer when intense heat also shattered records.

    “You’re really kind of piling extreme on extreme here,” Anderson said.

    God hates California. Repent, sinners!

    • juris imprudent

      The only part that is truly “human caused” is the part they won’t talk about – too goddam many people living there. [Speaking as a native born there when the population was less than half the current.]

  20. Brochettaward

    Harmful content, or reports of harmful content?

    Progressives can’t abide any disagreement. Film at 11.

  21. Evan from Evansville

    Oh, this brings such happiness! Fuck that li’l goblin gnome. I don’t wish violence upon the man, but damn. He deserves a medieval Walk of Shame.

    “Former National Institutes of Health (NIH) Director Dr. Anthony Fauci has been stripped of his federal security detail despite ongoing death threats over his role in the COVID-19 pandemic.

    The 84-year-old physician, who stepped down in December 2022 after leading the organization for nearly 40 years, will now have to pay for his own protection.” <— Awww. The poor bastard! I'd love an investigation on Anti-2A figures and how their security detail is armed. That'd be fun.

    • Brochettaward

      The guy is just evil and far more deserving to be knocked off than the United CEO.

      • Brochettaward

        Not that I’m making threats. It’s just an observation.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I completely agree. Like the death penalty, I think many people *DO* deserve a beating. (I don’t trust the State to do it ‘properly.’) Broken bones last six weeks. A couple to several would be a good lesson and reminder to many assholes used to lording their power over others. (Just that shows the nastiness. –> They’re ‘used’ to casually overstepping, abusing their authority.

        Fauci *deserves* some horrendous shit for what he did to other humans. Biggest issue? Don’t make martyrs. FAR too many still believe in his Dr. Saintly Science act. Vengeance would cause folk to lose their shit, MUCH unlike the NYC murder/ assassination. Sigh. I’ll shed no tear if Fauci got his, though that won’t happen. The Universe is unfair like that.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Someone whacked Scott Kirby?

    • The Other Kevin

      He was the highest paid person in the Fed government, and according to Google his net worth was $11 million when he left office. Plus he might still get royalty payments from big pharma. That asshole can pay for his own security. But I’m sure he’ll get free flights on private jets when he goes on his lecture circuit.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Physician? When’s the last time he saw a patient in a clinical role?

      • R C Dean

        As I recall he went straight from residency (as a primary care physician) into the bureaucracy, so we’re talking 50+ years.

  22. Fourscore

    Had a meet up with my two last best buddies today

    Three Musketeers or Three Stooges, no one can hear, the other two were recent widowers. Sometimes one has to wonder about the meaning of life. At least we didn’t talk about what we are going to do tomorrow.

    • Fourscore

      I did order bees for 2025 though so long range plans are still being made.

  23. rhywun

    just this week and next left guys, you can make it

    I must have missed why we’re you’re in a non-alcohol rut.

    • Nephilium

      As a sop to dry January, and to give some options for the teetotalers among us.

    • slumbrew

      Some poor fools do “Dry January”. Neph is trying to be supportive.

      • rhywun

        Huh. Never heard of that. Is that some new thing like “Movember”?

      • slumbrew

        It’s been around a while – maybe getting more popular?

        Teasing aside, I get the attraction. Thanksgiving to New Years really kicks up the pace and a break wouldn’t be a bad idea.

        I had a friend who’d roll dice on Jan 1 to determine which month he’d abstain and he’d stick with it as an exercise of personal discipline.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Good for letting the liver recover after the holidays.

  24. Evan from Evansville

    Goodness. The giddiness, the gidditude, continues. I wonder what’ll happen next. Like Willy Wonka, I find the suspense terrible. (I hope it lasts!)

    “Secretary of State Marco Rubio halted spending Friday on most existing foreign aid grants for 90 days. The order, which shocked State Department officials, appears to apply to funding for military assistance to Ukraine… The new guidance means no further actions will be taken to disperse aid funding to programs already approved by the U.S. government…
    The order shocked some department officials for its sweeping mandate. “State just totally went nuclear on foreign assistance,” said another State Department official.”

    I hope Lefties are looking inward on their self-made abyss. I wonder what they’ll find. Most of ’em won’t find nuttin’, cuz there’s nothing there. I’m most interested in the smart ones. I wonder how they’ll explain to themselves (and others) how they got taken for a ride. If Trump’s machinations prove positive, goodness they’ll wear such confused faces, hiding and hidden from reality. I hope it doesn’t hurt *too* much. Just *enough.*

  25. groat scotum

    Deschutes Obsidian, it’s like drinking a rockslide boulder that dropped onto a highway. Flinty, gravelly, asphalty.

  26. Sean

    Third pepper popped. A new variety this year: White Moruga.

    • groat scotum

      How’s it taste?

      • Sean

        Fruity sweet, and hot

      • Tres Cool

        “Fruity, sweet, and hot” reads like Robby’s dating profile

  27. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “Popeyes Cooking Up Partnership With Don Julio In Possible Mass-Market Tequila Blitz To Save Diageo”

    https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/popeyes-cooking-partnership-don-julio-possible-mass-market-tequila-blitz-save-diageo

    Popeyes is violent enough without throwing tequila into the mix. Y’all seen the knockdown dragout vids of people fighting over the spicy chicken sandwiches (which are admittedly so damn good that even though they wreck my stomach every time I have to eat at least one per month)? The place makes midnight at the Waffle House look respectable.

  28. Mojeaux

    I’m very tired and very confused. Medicare is an incomprehensible knot of conflicting rules, regulations, and loopholes just itching to be used as an excuse not to pay.

    • Fourscore

      All my Medicare business is done by the care providers. I get a printout occasionally with some numbers on it and asks if I’d like to contest anything. Why would I want to contest anything?

      I know that other folks with or without supplemental insurance probably have to fight the bureaucracy. Sorry to hear about that but seems everyone needs an advocate to deal with SS. Your Mom has you.