IFLA: The “I got Nuthing” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of January 5

by | Jan 5, 2025 | IFLA | 94 comments

Sorry about that. Between the dead week, the weather and (maybe) reinstalling World of Warcraft I’ve been kind of slack in keeping up with my astrological duties. Having said that, there are a couple of days with interesting activity.

-Monday: Mars enters Cancer retrograde. This is very bad luck. Fighting people, Leos, Cancers, and refugees hardest hit. It could also indicate yet another government falling.

-Wednesday: Domestic misrule, but of a more heightened nature involving the moon and Jupiter retrograde.

Capricorn: Page of Swords – Authority, overseeing, secret service, vigilance, spying, examination.

Aquarius: 6 of Coins – Presents, gifts, gratification, attention, vigilance, now is the time.

Pisces: Knight of Wands – Β Departure, absence, flight, emigration. A dark young man, friendly. Change of residence.

Aries: 2 of Cups reversed – Broken promises, an end to relationships.

Taurus: Queen of Swords reversed – Malice, bigotry, artifice, prudery, bale, deceit.

Gemini: Ace of Cups – House of the true heart, joy, content, abode, nourishment, abundance, fertility.

Cancer: 8 of Swords reversed – Disquiet, difficulty, opposition, accident, treachery.

Leo: Ace of Swords – Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, triumph of force.Β 

Virgo: 7 of Cups – Events or items which are insubstantial or transitory. It’s not necessarily bad or a waste since this also includes like creativity and inspiration.

Libra: 7 of Swords – Design, attempt, wish, hope, confidence, quarrelling, a plan that may fail, annoyance.Β 

Scorpio: 4 of Coins reversed – Suspense, delay, opposition.

Sagittarius: 8 of Coins reversed – Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury, also skill turned to ignoble purposes.

Bonus!

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

94 Comments

  1. DEG

    Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, triumph of force.

    This sounds not sufficiently shitty.

    • R.J.

      Agreed! After the dire warning of β€œstay in the house Monday,” sounds like Leos will crush their enemies by mid-week.

      • R C Dean

        +1 lamentation of the wimminz

    • PutridMeat

      Triumph is always “not sufficiently shitty”. Checks double negatives… yeah, that’s right.

      You can be an honorary taurus this week, that should fulfill your shitty needs.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Triumph thinks you’re lovely and wants to poop on you.

      • DEG

        That’s sufficiently shitty.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: 8 of Coins reversed – Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury, also skill turned to ignoble purposes.

    But I don’t want to be a politician.

  3. kinnath

    Good to see the original version of “money” and not the bowdlerized version.

  4. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    end to relationships.

    Which relationships, is the question

  5. kinnath

    Pisces: Knight of Wands – Departure, absence, flight, emigration. A dark young man, friendly. Change of residence.

    I ain’t going anywhere

    • rhywun

      Again with the friendly, dark young man but wrong sign. Hmph.

      • R.J.

        At least you get to hang out with friendly old men!

  6. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: 4 of Coins reversed – Suspense…

    Waiting to see if my boss sends out a weather announcement in the morning.

    …delay…

    Boss announces that we’ll open two hours late.

    …opposition.

    All my coworkers pitch a fit that we’re not closing completely.πŸ™„

  7. Sean

    β€œ Cancer: 8 of Swords reversed – Disquiet, difficulty, opposition, accident, treachery.”

    Sounds like I’m gonna need the paddles.

  8. Timeloose

    Am I crazy or is the current weather most of the US is experiencing normal for winter?

    I keep hearing claims of 10-30deg below normal, low 30’s during the day and teens at night is typical in the NE US.

    • Sean

      Normal. I hope to be able to use snow mode tomorrow. 😁

      • PutridMeat

        I hope to be able to use snow mode tomorrow.

        Ponders what exactly this means in the context of Sean’s normal response on IFLA articles…

      • Timeloose

        Is that like normal mode but with a full coffee mug and a full tank of washer fluid?

      • PutridMeat

        a full coffee mug and a full tank of washer fluid

        Now even more confused… but strangely intrigued.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I sure could use some snow tomorrow. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been skiing, but I did like to shush-shush about. Saint Reuben at IU had good powder, but nothin’ like the divine offerings in Colombia.

        *twinkles nose*

      • Tres Cool

        Snow mode?
        /looks 4H/4L on transfer case

    • rhywun

      Anything resembling normal winter weather goes against the idea they all hold that we were supposed to be cooking by now.

    • Nephilium

      Little colder than usual here (we were in the teens early, we usually would be in the 20’s), but not out of the standard ranges. The snow has been below average this year, with just a couple of lake effect blasts.

      • Tundra

        We had 60s earlier in the week. Dudes were on the golf course three days ago. The last couple have been normally cold.

    • kinnath

      We are on the warm side of normal. This week the highs will be in the 20s and lows in single digits. Sunny most days. This is about the best we get in Iowa in January. But it is not abnormally warm. It all depends on the jet stream. A minor shift in the jet stream and our highs can be below zero.

    • DrOtto

      The only people surprised every year by winter are the global warming, er, climate change acolytes. According to their gospel, we’re all either underwater or living on our beachfront midwestern shores.

    • DEG

      Temperatures in southern NH have been about normal for this time of year.

      Snowfall so far is far below average.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Normal here. Slightly warmer and wetter, but all in all this has been a return to mean over last year too.

    • Mojeaux

      Normalish. Hasn’t been like this for a couple of years, but I can remember much worse winters in the past.

      • Gender Traitor

        How’s Mom?

      • Ted S.

        Did you make it home safely?

      • Mojeaux

        @GT: Mom is, well, she’s old, is what. She spent the night with a pulse just hammering out of her neck and in atrial fibrillation. She had had an ablation for that in 2019, but apparently this infection set something off. She had a cardiology consult this morning, but I don’t know what they said yet.

        @Ted: Yes, but it took us about 20 minutes to get 3 miles. It’s blizzard conditions until tomorrow morning.

        It iced yesterday afternoon and evening until it turned to snow about 2a. Our cars (except the one in the hospital garage) are coated in ice. XY is still at his store and I’ve instructed him to stay there. Husband is getting sick too, and since he wouldn’t trot himself down to the ER while we were there, I told him to do telemedicine, but he still has to go out to get his rx. He’s leaving now. It’s still snowing and blizzard winds.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Normal, 55-70
      every day
      Very boring

  9. Evan from Evansville

    Taurus: Queen of Swords reversed – Malice, bigotry, artifice, prudery, bale, deceit. Coupled with Monday: Mars enters Cancer retrograde… very bad luck.

    Ev don’t need that. Any prudery on my part is certainly an artifice, baled in deceit, though lacking malice. Often overlooked, I gracefully float on the Dead Sea of fortune. Thankfully, I don’t froth about in the open water, though I often wish I were more forceful in my affairs.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Am I crazy or is the current weather most of the US is experiencing normal for winter?

    Climtepocalypse!

    I just saw a thing claiming the polar vortex is out of whack because the Arctic sea is warmer than “normal” boiling.

    • creech

      I’m a bit surprised Trump isn’t promising a northern border wall to keep those Polar Vortexs out. Some of them, I’m sure, are good.

      • Ted S.

        Vortices, thank you very much.

    • Jarflax

      It’s almost as though the Earth has an axial tilt the causes a difference in the percentage of the total solar energy input received by Earth that is received in different hemispheres at different points in Earth’s orbit, and that patterns of air and water movement slow the evening out of temperatures between North and South, causing predictable seasonal variation. If that were true you’d expect hotter temperatures in the North when the North was tilted toward the Sun and hotter temperatures in the South when it was tilted toward the sun, but I see no way to confirm this idea so it is safest to assume it’s caused by humanity oxidizing carbon.

      • R.J.

        Nein! Iss zer cow farts!

    • Suthenboy

      Sigh.

      The polar regions are wearing a frigid beany cap. As it rotates atop the tilted rotating earth it wobbles because there is a wobble in the earth’s rotation.
      The polar vortex dipping here and there now again is normal and completely expected, exactly like everything else the climate scammers sensationalize. It would be funny if so many people didnt get fooled by it. That just makes it pathetic.

  11. SarumanTheGreat

    “This is very bad luck. Fighting people, Leos, Cancers, and refugees hardest hit.”

    Well, I went to leave and my car won’t start. Cranks over too slowly. Called AAA but they might not be out until 7 PM, which would put it into the middle of the snowstorm predicted for this afternoon. At least I have shelter, heat, food, and a wonderful wife.

    • Jarflax

      Name the car Eowyn and let Grima jump it.

    • Sean

      No neighbors with jumper cables?

      • Tundra

        Or preferably a jump box?

        (Gentler on the electronics)

      • SarumanTheGreat

        Thx for asking, but no close neighbors and the driveway is unsafe for vehicles not equipped with 4WD or AWD (mine is AWD).

        I made my comment because I’m a Leo.

      • SarumanTheGreat

        And Tundra, where I was going does have jump boxes, so it would have been convenient had my battery died there. The situation is not desperate, it’s just annoying.

        Appreciate the suggestion.

        And snow’s been pushed off to tomorrow AM

      • SarumanTheGreat

        And Tundra, where I was going does have jump boxes, so it would have been convenient had my battery died there. The situation is not desperate, it’s just annoying.

        Appreciate the suggestion.

        And snow’s been pushed off to tomorrow AM

      • DrOtto

        (Gentler on the electronics) – not necessarily, I burned out a Bose stereo using a jump box on a GMC Yukon. Fortunately, twas in my own car and not a customer’s.

  12. Chipping Pioneer

    Mexican vacation brings lessons in anthropology!

    CP’s Theorem #1: There is a correlation between the greatness achieved by a society and the average sense of entitlement exhibited by people from that society.

    CP’s Theorem #2: There is an inverse correlation between the sense of entitlement exhibited by a person and their contribution to the success of their society.

    • Tundra

      Where you at? I got back a week ago and wish I could turn around and go back.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Mayan Riviera. Weather is great. Where did you go?

      • Tundra

        Awesome!

        Riviera Nayarit. Near a town called Platanitas. Absolutely gorgeous weather.

        Enjoy your trip!

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Thanks!

        Never heard of Riviera Nayarit. What is there to do there?

      • Tundra

        It’s on the Pacific side. In the Puerto Vallarta area. Where we go the fishing is good, lots of people surf, but mostly it’s hanging out in the sunshine and relaxing.

  13. Chipping Pioneer

    Paging Mojeaux:

    Looking at the odds for the Chiefs-Broncos game, I assume that KC is resting everyone.

    This is welcome news. Checks out with Leo’s horoscope.

    • Gender Traitor

      Yeah, but some of us rilly, rilly need the Chiefs to win! And the Jets, fer cryin’ out loud! 😟🀞🐯

      • Jarflax

        It would be nice, but what we actually need is Mike Brown to stop being a cheap idiot and actually pay some defensive players.

      • Gender Traitor

        Or an O-line that will protect Burrow from getting sacked. πŸ˜’

    • Mojeaux

      Yes. Not a starter in sight for any of it. Also, thanks for reminding me. Time got away from me and husband is on his way to the pharmacy.

      The joke is, we’ve just finished pre-season and are now gearing up for the real season to start.

  14. Suthenboy

    From the previous thread: The elation at Musk losing money vs their hysteria when he gains money – the EV scam will die before their predictions of his financial demise and he wont care. He will be the satellite/space/communications king by then. Also, he will still be making most of his money on subsidies just like he is now.
    I hate that he is a welfare queen but I admire the guy for know how to manipulate the system and create working operations from shit. I am all for him being the government efficiency police. I think. We have to keep an eye on that guy to make sure he doesnt go crazy rigging the market.

    • R C Dean

      Not sure what SpaceX gets for subsidies. They do have a fair number of government-contract launches but I’m not sure you can count those as subsidies, as opposed to payment for services rendered.

  15. PieInTheSky

    NEW: Stray dog accidentally becomes the first to cross the Romania-Hungary border after Romania became a full member of the European Union’s Schengen area.

    The dog perfectly timed the enterance as the checkpoint barrier lifted up.

    The animal received a warm welcome as border guards started clapping.

    https://x.com/CollinRugg/status/1875953576209756381

    • Sean

      It’s a Russian spy dog.

      • SarumanTheGreat

        They better watch out, the Soviets used mine dogs in WWII.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      He got the F out of Romania at the earliest opportunity.

  16. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    If I bother setting up the projector & screen, will I jinx the Vikings tonight?

    • Tundra

      No. The chances the Vikings winning so slim anyway. It’s still going to be a fun game to watch.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    If I bother setting up the projector & screen, will I jinx the Vikings tonight?

    Relax. The Vikings are perfectly capable of jinxing themselves.

  18. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Now we have a winter weather advisory for ice overnight. Just want the power to stay on! 🀞

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Weeping Haysoos on a merry go round. Fifteen yards for “fingergunning”.

    Fuck the NFL.

    • kinnath

      I’m glad that I don’t watch this shit.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Pew! Pew! Pew!

  20. The Late P Brooks

    You could just as easily make the case he was doing a bodybuilder pose.

  21. Suthenboy

    Well, that was fun. A tornado lightly touched down just now in my back yard. I was just drifting off for a nap, heard the wind and looked out the window just in time to see a tree go by. Wife and I headed for the all brick closet but before we got in it was over.
    Lots of debris around, limbs and such, but no damage. It only affected one ofter neighbor. He lost some skirting around his house. The road has a patch of debris and clutter about 200 yards long. Other than that nothing.
    I hope that is all we get this year.
    Y’all bundle up and stay safe.

    • kinnath

      Glad you came through unscathed.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Holy fuck. I’m glad no damage for you and nothing…dreadful for others.

      Especially glad you’re warm. Fuck outside. (Well. Y’all do y’all, but it’s fuckin’ *cold* out.)

    • Gender Traitor

      Yikes!!! 😳

  22. Mojeaux

    Aaaaannnnnd now husband is stuck just outside our driveway. I HATE seeing him out there shoveling snow when he’s sick AND cold AND all alone.

    • Gender Traitor

      I’m sure that with a couple of shovels and some kitty litter, the two of you can get him out! πŸ™‚

      • Mojeaux

        He got himself back into the driveway and said “fuck that noise.” So he’s in now.

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