Military Struggles to Recruit People With Normal Testosterone Levels

by | Jan 28, 2025 | Satire | 132 comments

WASHINGTON DC – “While the Blue-to-Pink program has been a resounding success in retaining transgender service members and boosting the share of women in leadership roles, our research shows that the military in general appeals to young cisgender men” explained Joanna Gambolputty of the Pentagon’s Gender and Diversity Advisory group. “For some inexplicable reason, increasing numbers of cisgender young men, who for generations have been the backbone of the military, have not responded well to the recent ads featuring cartoon lesbians and drag queens. It’s a total mystery and deserves more study”, she continued.

“Healthy testosterone levels are key to promoting strength, speed, and endurance. While there have been many breakthroughs in boosting the testosterone levels of transmen, corresponding performance gains have been elusive”, said Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. “Regardless, we’ll forge on, just like in Ukraine. Nothing says, ‘be all you can be’ like injecting estrogen into your butt”, a reference to the recently revived recruiting slogan from the 1980s.

In anticipation of President-Elect Donald Trump’s crackdown of transgenders in the military, President Joe Biden signed an executive order prohibiting all military discharges. “It’s high time America’s fighting men and women receive the same lifetime employment guarantee offered by so many other developed nations”, according to a tweet from the White House. “This measure will not only solve the recruiting crisis but also ensure that fledgling Space Force, which I spearheaded, will be ready to stand against China and the other Axis powers.”

Experts have turned to artificial intelligence, and more specifically large language models for help in resolving the conundrum. “When I put on this patented stupometron helmet, the supercomputer will directly read my thoughts and produce a printout and an Etch-a-Sketch drawing detailing a solution”, elaborated Professor Frink of Miskatonic University. At a recent demonstration, the result of the aforementioned process was a drawing of a hand with six fingers and a printout that said only “nobody’s perfect, LOL”. Professor Frink explained such issues will be remedied with larger sets of training data.

The Armed Services Committee has proposed linking Selective Service registration to subsidized hormones. “An aggressive campaign targeting this large and overlooked demographic is an easy way to boost recruitment and diversity”, according to Gambolputty. “Other countries, especially in Europe, are overtaking the US in this critical sector of defense readiness. I say to Trump: Mr. President, we cannot allow a transgender gap!”

Gambolputty and other experts agree that the crisis cannot be solved any other except to double down on activities like pride parades, rainbow flags, mandatory high heel walks for men, sex changes, drag queens, and slam poetry festivals. “There’s so much more to the military than guns, uniforms, etc. We must strive to show the lighter, brighter side of national service. I have my own proposal for teaming up with the marketing gurus at Bud Light to boost recruitment. It can’t fail!”

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

132 Comments

  1. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    …a drawing of a hand with six fingers and a printout that said only “nobody’s perfect, LOL”.

    You kilt my father.
    Prepare to die!

  2. DEG

    I’m happy Miskatonic University gets a mention.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      I used to have a Miskatonic University Alumni sticker on m y old truck. Need to get another one for the current wheels.

  3. juris imprudent

    OT – regarding Pie’s proposition about income in the ded-thred.

    Elicited the classic American response about being middle class – if modified only by upper. Reality is, you are well above middle class, above the top 10% in incomes nationally (which means you have to be in exceptionally high income areas for that to be near median). That’s upper class any way you slice it.

    • UnCivilServant

      My definition of “Middle Class” revolves around being able to afford The Lifestyle™ (House, Spouse, 2.5 kids, 2 cars, garage in a low-crime neighborhood.)

      The Lifestyle™ costs more than the median these days.

      • Not Adahn

        Does owning a vacation home automatically put you in the Upper classes? ‘Cause a lot of people seem to have those (but not me alas). I also remember when I lived in Bryan seeing people with boats and other vehicles in a driveway with a value exceeding the home that the driveway led to.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t know. There’s the michigan lake house problem where there are families with a second house on the edges of the mitten who do not have much in terms of income and only have the second houses because they were cheap all those decades ago.

    • creech

      That’s why “upper middle class” was invented. No one wants to be seen either as those guys with their noses in the air, nor living in ticky tacky tract homes in Levittown.

      • Sean

        You know what Levittown homes are going for these days, right?

      • juris imprudent

        Right, and UMC is upper class denying their own status.

      • R.J.

        Pie could not afford a giant house in the city. He would not be upper class, at least in TX. He would still be able to get a 2000+ sq ft house, wife, nice car(s) on his salary, or move into the country and go even bigger. But his salary puts him in a nice neighborhood, not an exclusive one.

      • juris imprudent

        a giant house in the city

        Amarillo and El Paso are cities in TX. You aren’t one of them Texans that thinks Dallas is the end-all and be-all of Texas are you?

      • Not Adahn

        Very few Texans would consider El Paso a city* in any sense other than they have a city charter. None of them would consider Amarillo.

        *If your definition of a city puts Houston, NY, Chicago and Todd Mission in the same category, your definition seems pretty pointless.

      • juris imprudent

        El Paso is the 6th most populated city in Texas – all the jokes you can make about it aside. Amarillo was more of a stretch, but Arlington (#7) can stand in instead.

      • rhywun

        In New York a “city” technically requires a population of 10,000 or more, but there are exceptions.

      • Not Adahn

        People in Arlington don’t consider Arlington a city; it’s just a neighborhood in the metroplex. Ditto Rice Village or the other on-paper cities completely surrounded by Houston.

      • juris imprudent

        Austin then – or is that not a city either?

      • Not Adahn

        No, Austin is a city.

        Now tell me how affordable houses are in Ausitn.

      • juris imprudent

        Redfin says median price in Austin is $535K. Not cheap but not impossible, certainly on a $250K annual income.

      • Necron 99

        Shit, Austin is higher than Dallas, Houston, Fort Worth, and San Antonio. Likely the highest median house prices in Texas outside neighborhoods like Highland Park, Dallas and River Oaks, Houston. But those neighborhoods know they are not “middle class”.

    • Nephilium

      The vast majority of people in the US believe themselves to be middle class (from memory, it’s something like 75% of people surveyed self-identify as middle class regardless of income). Because obviously, they’re not rich, and they’re not poor.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Mostly because it doesn’t strictly have to do with income. Class is a major factor in this, and is what keeps people thinking about where they are.

      • Nephilium

        ZWAK:

        Very much so. The girlfriend’s family was the type to belong to the country club, the fancy Temple, and the exclusive retirement home but would say they’re middle class. Watching my sister’s face when she realized that the girlfriend had never had a 40 hour/week job in her life while saying she had a middle class upbringing was entertaining.

      • juris imprudent

        Even if two-thirds of Americans are “middle class” (with an upper- and lower- within that), that still means the other third occupy the outer reaches of the income distribution, at the top and bottom. But no one actually thinks like that – the poor deny they are poor and the wealthy deny they are rich. It is kind of a mass delusion.

      • UnCivilServant

        Citation needed – Growing up, we were poor and we knew it.

      • juris imprudent

        OK UCS, some are cognizant of their situation; most aren’t. My son was telling me a story about his wife and her first encounter with people in poverty – she had led a sheltered life up to that point.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Here in semi-rural Oregon, $250K would put you in solid upper class no matter how you slice it.

      But there is a world of difference between someone who has to show up in the office to make $400K verses someone who inherited a Billion.

      And that is why there is a Middle-Upper class.

    • Jarflax

      We need to hold on to distrusting the idea of classes. It’s an idea that goes beyond income/wealth levels and implies intrinsic worth and privilege beyond that which wealth can bring, and it has no place in our society no matter how much the technocrats and their journalist courtiers want it.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m not sure where you got your definition of class from. But you’re always going to see cultural blobs associated with a collection of average economic ability, morals, values, and principles, beliefs and traditions. These invariably stratify around the perception of the status of the professions held my its members.

      • juris imprudent

        Ding-ding-ding – there’s the radical egalitarian view. And I hate to say, it’s bullshit. Just as the pretensions of the rich are bullshit, even if what they can and do buy isn’t. There is a social hierarchy in any group of humans – in this case 350M of them. It is delusional to pretend otherwise.

      • Jarflax

        Class is not social hierarchy, it is social hierarchy as inheritance. It is not the idea of individual status I object to, it is the idea of status inhering based on belonging to a discrete category of human being, in other words a class. I am not saying that my opinions have the same value as an Einstein’s. I am saying the difference between them should be a judgment of the opinion, not conferred on the opinion by who utters it. Class is anti-meritocratic as well as anti-egalitarian. This is the mistake the left makes when the apply socialist objections to aristocracy in a meritocratic framework.

      • juris imprudent

        This is perfect – both equalitarian AND individualistic. These don’t square as neatly as you might want them to.

        I’m not picking on you, but this is exactly the contradiction our society covers up and strains against (in that these conflict). The double inheritance of the Enlightenment.

        Class is not purely a matter of birth, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or can ever be eradicated. You know who wanted a class-less society – Marx, who got it from Rousseau.

      • Jarflax

        I am as far from an egalitarian as you’ll find here, but that does not make me an apologist for hereditary aristocracy. The concept of class is a holdover from European social ordering which was based in inherited class membership deriving from an anointed ruler. You persist in missing what I am objecting to in the use of the term. I understand that you are using the term as equivalent to economic status, but I think doing so is a mistake because it brings in the aristocratic connotations. Economic status and differential power don’t bother me at all, even though wealth will always convey some degree of privilege simply because it confers power. Classes imply more than that, an impoverished retarded aristocrat is nonetheless an aristocrat. Again it is not the hierarchy I object to, it is the systemic barriers to social mobility, particularly to downward social mobility caused by idiocy.

      • juris imprudent

        The concept of class is a holdover from European social ordering which was based in inherited class membership deriving from an anointed ruler.

        That was just one form of class, not the definitive/only form. And we did in fact jettison that from American life quite successfully. Hell, even the Canucks and Mexicans did too. Lacking an hereditary aristocracy does not mean you live in a class-less society.

        Paris Hilton argues that we have systemic resistance to downward mobility more than impoverished English title-holders marrying American heiresses (as was the fashion of the Gilded Age).

      • Jarflax

        How many generations of Paris Hiltons does it take to squander the fortune Conrad made? She is the process of downward mobility in action. The better example of America’s version of the class system is the Ivy League and its legacy enrollments, and the greasing of the wheels those people give to each other and each other’s kids in access to the top positions in our society, and I am not denying that it exists; I am saying we should distrust it and combat it.

      • juris imprudent

        I am saying we should distrust it and combat it.

        Fine, it will be replaced by another. The whole point of a social hierarchy is to pass down the advantages from one generation to another.

        Or do you not give a shit about how your own offspring do (and that they be given every advantage that you can give them)?

      • Jarflax

        Leave your kids money, see to it that they are educated, try to instill worthwhile character traits, by all means. Don’t convince them they are special by virtue of their birth and deserve their position without earning it. There is a difference between types of advantage.

      • juris imprudent

        Don’t convince them they are special by virtue of their birth and deserve their position without earning it.

        I suspect that inevitably creeps in after 3 or 4 generations (with successful intergenerational transfer). Certainly Paris Hilton doesn’t believe she is where she is because of her own merit.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Point in fact, Paris is not squandering Conrad money, but is doing quite well on her own and is where she is due in the main to her own talents.

        As of January 2025, Paris Hilton’s net worth is $300 million. Born on February 17, 1981, in New York City, Paris is a media personality, businesswoman, socialite, model, singer, actress, and DJ. Her wealth is largely attributed to her perfume empire, which has generated over $2 billion in revenue, and her real estate holdings, including a Beverly Hills mansion and a Malibu beach house. Additionally, she owns a popular nightclub franchise and has been the top-paid woman DJ, earning up to $1 million for a single DJ set.

      • juris imprudent

        All of that bootstrapped by nothing but her innate talents. Uh huh.

    • kinnath

      https://www.unbiased.com/discover/banking/average-salary-in-iowa

      The median household income in Iowa is $64,499. However, defining a ‘good’ salary in Iowa can vary depending on factors such as cost of living, location, and personal financial goals. For example, earning $90,000 a year may be considered a good salary for some Iowans, while for others, a salary of $50,000 may be sufficient.

      https://www.unbiased.com/discover/banking/what-is-the-cost-of-living-in-iowa

      As of March 2023, the average home value in Iowa is estimated to be around $200,038, according to the Zillow Home Value Index as of March 2023.

      It’s important to note that housing prices can significantly differ across various regions within the state. Here are some examples of typical home prices based on Zillow’s data:

      Des Moines $192,796
      Cedar Rapids $186,906
      Davenport $164,621
      Sioux City $170,070
      Iowa City $277,992

      Stay out of the people’s republic of Johnson County and you’ll be fine

      You can live a very comfortable life in Iowa with 250k and benefits.

      • kinnath

        https://www.unbiased.com/discover/banking/how-much-income-puts-you-in-the-top-1-5-or-10

        Want to know how much you need to earn to be in the top income brackets in the US?

        The following table shows the average yearly wages of the highest earners in the country.

        These statistics were taken from Social Security Administration data and reflect annual wages as opposed to income as a whole.

        Top 0.1% — $3,212,486
        Top 1% — $823,763
        Top 5% — $342,987
        Top 10% — $173,176

        250k is a lot of money in most places in the country. {stay out of the blue cities}

      • UnCivilServant

        Aww… I’m still not in the top 10%.

      • kinnath

        I acknowledge that my wife and I are beyond middle class and are “well off”. But we are not rich.

        And we will continue to work for many years past normal retirement to keep it that way.

        I have no desire to go to the low end of the income distribution. Been there; done that already.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      The rich should pay more because they are not currently paying their fair share. Not me though, I’m upper middle class.

      • juris imprudent

        And here’s the other manifestation of the delusion.

    • slumbrew

      Median income: $127.056
      Median value of owner-occupied housing: $899,400

      $250k + health bennies would be nice, but it’s hardly private jet money.

      (my wife and I settled on “private jet money” as a working definition of “rich”).

    • trshmnstr

      Reality is, you are well above middle class, above the top 10% in incomes nationally (which means you have to be in exceptionally high income areas for that to be near median). That’s upper class any way you slice it.

      Is the class in your income or in how you use it? At $250k (or closer to $275k taking healthcare into account), you can quickly find your money disappearing by doing “middle class poverty” stuff like leasing new cars, taking on gobs of student loan debt, eating out every meal, etc.

      IMO, theres more difference in “class” between somebody making $50k and somebody making $100k than between somebody making $100k and somebody making $250k.

  4. Sensei

    Speaking of “recruitment”.

    Young men have military conscriptions of at least a decade, where they are subjected to daily indoctrination lessons. Loyalty appears high among those soldiers fighting in Russia, based on interrogations of captured troops and writings found on slain combatants. But that still leaves women, school-age youths and men ineligible for conscription due to illness, short height or physical impairment.

    Kim Jong Un Is Doing Everything He Can to Keep North Korea’s Youth in Line

    https://www.wsj.com/world/asia/kim-jong-un-is-doing-everything-he-can-to-keep-north-koreas-youth-in-line-0866a1de?st=Wq7SUR&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

    Given the lack of nutrition and average heights in PDRK how short are these guys?

    • Drake

      According to Ukrainian propaganda – there are millions of NKs fighting against them. And they are all savage killers, or starving peasants, and addicted to porn.

      They haven’t caught any yet, except a few who only speak fluent Russian and claim to be from Siberia.

  5. rhywun

    Speaking of dead-thread…

    The sell-off was sparked by concerns that Chinese artificial intelligence lab DeepSeek is presenting increased competition in the global AI battle.

    Anyone buying this?

    I’m torn between “the technology is stolen” and “the technology is worthless”.

    • juris imprudent

      I don’t know, a read a little about how it is open-source and less-resource consumptive (i.e. no need for NVIDIA). Not really my concern.

    • Sensei

      I was too. However, it appears they released the model. So you could train it to test. Still have no idea as AI coding is way outside my skillset.

      https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/china-deepseek-ai-nvidia-openai-02bdbbce?st=9hh5Wu&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

      It conceivable the way they compartmentalized the learning to reduce resources actually worked. To me it would seem to leave your AI with possible holes that other approaches wouldn’t have.

      I’ll leave it to people with more knowledge.

      • UnCivilServant

        The last time I dug into that tech, my brain hurt.

        Especially when I reached the math.

    • Suthenboy

      “I’m torn between “the technology is stolen” and “the technology is worthless”.

      It is China. Everything, absolutely everything they do is a fraud or a scam. Just something to keep in mind.

  6. Sensei

    And then there’s the League of Oregon Cities, which seems largely concerned with helping people in government find ways to raise taxes. The organization recently published a sort of how-to manual, which states:

    The guidebook is intended to help city staff and elected officials make sense of the revenue options they can pursue at the local level without statewide legislative or constitutional changes. Part 1 of this guidebook is called Getting to a Yes: Developing a Revenue Strategy. This section describes a step-by-step process for evaluating funding options and engaging stakeholders in implementing a new funding strategy.

    The guidebook advises: Your constituents do not see this through the lens of public policy. They think about it the same way they think about spending their own money.

    That’s obviously wrong. It’s somebody else’s money!

    https://www.wsj.com/opinion/how-to-raise-taxes-a-left-coast-guide-ea07697f?st=FeeK6N&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

    • Gustave Lytton

      Oooh oooh! I know what’s in there without looking!

      1) defer and mismanage buildings physical plant until it’s falling apart, then propose a palace building project

      1b) use latest building codes to claim buildings are unsafe and need to be replaced, also why new projects ae insanely expensive

      2) place revenue and bond questions on off cycle ballots

      3) institute fees on non-residents (employment tax on everyone within the city limits)

      4) budget non-essentials first, then cut essentials. Pay us or the shelter dogs get it.

      5) title tax increases as “public safety measure” or “fire service fee”, divert 80% to other uses. Use remainder to pay for existing budget, and divert further general funds to other uses.

      6) create special taxes such as “preschool for all” that can only be used for the state purpose. Bonus if the money keeps piling up because it can’t be spent fast enough.

  7. Rat on a train

    Remind all those icky men that if they pretend to be women they get to use the women’s chart for the ACFT. That should be enough incentive to close the transgap.

    • UnCivilServant

      Her suit should be thrown out, she should be fined for being a nuisance, and her lawyer disbarred.

      • UnCivilServant

        Blob couldn’t physically fit inside the car – she should have to cover the driver and Uber’s legal fees plus penalties.

        No rewards for grotesque obesity.

      • Not Adahn

        500#? Imagine how much damage she could do with a kick.

    • Drake

      No way would she fit in either of our cars.

    • rhywun

      Ma’am you ordered a Lyft. Not a forklift.

      LOL from the top rope

    • Nephilium

      I will admit to getting peeved at rideshare drivers who don’t at least make an effort to have some trunk space available when making a run to the airport.

      • Tundra

        It’s why I always go with the more expensive choices.

      • Ted S.

        Better that than your O face.

      • Jarflax

        What if it has been so long that your O face is also a shocked face?

      • Not Adahn

        Or you’re just into electrostim?

      • juris imprudent

        into electrostim

        Ears are an erogenous zone, right?

      • Ted S.

        New mountains are an orogenous zone.

      • Drake

        My guess was the Navy or Air Force flying them out of Lakehurst.

        Might get details in the press conference today.

      • Not Adahn

        Wut? They weren’t launched from Chinese subs in the Atlantic? The dude blew up a cybertruck for nothing?

    • rhywun

      Approved ours or approved our enemies’?

    • Suthenboy

      “So many people fell for this”

      Including Biden if I remember correctly.

    • juris imprudent

      Good plan, predict something that we know from the geologic history is going to happen again… some day.

    • Suthenboy

      “How high is the risk?”
      100%, that’s how, just not like you think.
      3000 to 5000 years the earth will be ice free. 30,000 to 50,000 years we will have mile thick ice south of the arctic circle. Again.
      Yes, ocean levels will change drastically, mostly down, and the ecology/climate of vast areas will change dramatically. They wont change in the sensational comic book fashion chicken little keeps squawking about. The changes will be measured in multiple lifetimes for humans.
      Anyway, the chances are 100%. Dont bring back the wooly mammoth yet, we still have a little bit to go before things turn around towards another ice maximum.

    • R C Dean

      I had to look it up, because I thought just crossing the border wasn’t a criminal offense.

      It is if you cross the border illegally. So, crossing the border and then claiming asylum is a crime. Crossing the border with an asylum claim recognized (see, e.g., Remain in Mexico) is not.

      If you overstay a visa, it’s a civil offense, because the visa gave you permission to cross the border.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That what I thought too. But it is a misdemeanor on the first illegal entry, and felony on the subsequent. Pretty much every “Dreamer” is a criminal. Deport all now. Prosecute everyone who aids and abets these criminals. Reagan tried the amnesty approach and it doesn’t work.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, I’m a fan of the “rip the bandaid off” approach. Just clean house. Set up a special re-entry program for Dreamers if you must, but they are in fact here illegally. Like the blonde lady said.

      • Gustave Lytton

        The poor victims who have no ties to their country of citizenship but go on vacation and visit family under Advance Parole. Fuck them.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Where’s the line at, Tres? Is that past it?

    That woman doesn’t need a Lyft, she needs a roll-back.

    • slumbrew

      Me, in Massachusetts.

    • Sean

      Shit, I was thinking of putting a Trump flag on the wall in my office.

  9. Suthenboy

    Catching up: The trannies in the military thing is calculated to emasculate the military and remove the red blooded patriotic types that would be likely to not cooperate in a commie coup. It started with Obama purging the leadership. That is just what it is. Speaking of which, where are the pinko brownshirts these days? Antifa? BLM?

    Discussion of the middle class, what it used to mean and what it means now – Every one of the people I have known that had the home, kids, vacation home, boat, motorcycle, new car every few years, beach vacations etc. did not own any of that stuff. It all belonged to the bank and they were living beyond their means stringing it out as long as they could. Their real worth was a negative number. I have an X wife like that. She always has stuff but she owns nothing…even stacked up car loans to have that new car every three years.
    I never fell for that but did watch in amazement as it seemed everyone else thought the chickens were never going to come home to roost.

    • slumbrew

      Every time I see family on Long Island I’m taken aback by the cars, etc.

      Everyone is leveraged up to their eyeballs.

      I’m just a sucker who doesn’t buy things I can’t pay cash for (house aside. And I could, now)

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        I financed my truck, not because I didn’t have the cash, but because the interest was lower than the rate it was making in an investment account. Kind of a no brainer.

      • slumbrew

        Oh, yeah, that sort of arbitrage doesn’t count – that’s where I’m at with my (small) mortgage – making more than the 2.75% on it.

        And, TBF, lots of people _need_ a car and can’t necessarily buy one straight out. But you also don’t need a $80k lifted pickup @ 7% to get you to and from work every day either.

    • juris imprudent

      Antifa? BLM?

      Gainfully employed hopefully. Sure cuts down on the old activism, doesn’t it?

    • kinnath

      Just mailed off the last check for my wife’s Rogue. We’ll have the title in next month.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Antifa is probably getting ramped up again. The deportations are giving them something to protest.

    • creech

      And such people Suthen describes will be the loudest demanding wealth tests for s.s. recipients who saved on the side.

      • juris imprudent

        You would think, but they are far too conservative about SocSec to do that.

  10. UnCivilServant

    For the longest time I had only ever known “Through the Fire and Flames” by reputation as the hardest track in Guitar Hero.

    Having heard it, I wish the lyrics were more worthy of the technical brutality of the instrumentals.

  11. Mojeaux

    Fucking cunty aunts called me a liar. “You’re lying, just like you always do.”

    I’m a lot of bad things and if you call me those, I will agree and not get mad. But I am NOT a liar.

    • slumbrew

      That’s infuriating.

      Sorry, Mojeaux

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Yeah, but that’s exactly what a liar would say.

      (It’s a joke! Don’t get mad.)

      • Mojeaux

        Yeah, but that’s exactly what a liar would say.

        Bless you for making me laugh.

    • Sean

      Projection.

      Stay strong Mo’.

    • kinnath

      As my father tells me . . . liars believe that everyone lies. Thus, they are the first to accuse someone else of lying.

    • Mojeaux

      And for my next trick, I need to put a bra and actual clothes on. *sigh* The things I do for my mother.

    • Fourscore

      /Checks to see if Moj’s pants are on fire

      • Mojeaux

        Not my pants. My hair.

    • R C Dean

      Sadly, probably the best thing to do is just not engage, other than a flat denial. Don’t even ask “Just what is it you think I lied about?” “I don’t lie,” followed by the dead-eyed stare.

      The old “imagine whoever you are talking to is naked” trick has nothing on “Imagine whoever you are talking to is dead. Visualize it in detail.” Somehow, that comes through when you just look at them, deadpan/expressionless. I found it very useful in my career.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Never heard that one. How long dead?

      • Mojeaux

        The gaslighting was insane.

        We have an appointment with the lawyer on Thursday. We are going to have to either communicate via attorneys or mediators from church or both, but I will not have those cunts in my house for a chat. Susie was already barred. Now Milly is too.

        I’m arranging for a storage unit and movers right now.

      • R C Dean

        I’ve never run across anyone else (will admit to) using it. I came up with it on my own. For me, it was cold and dead – you know, just meat – not all fresh and drippy and twitching, but whatever works for you.

        It sends some kind of subliminal message that people just don’t know what to do with. You aren’t checked out, you are still engaged, but not in a way anybody wants or can use. It gives them no handle for a response, so they tend to lock up. Pretty much guaranteed to end whatever discussion or negotiation you want ended.

    • EvilSheldon

      Some interesting insights there. The cult of personality structure of the Ziz group reminds me quite a bit of the Baader-Meinhoff gang in 70’s Germany.

  12. Rat on a train

    I blame Trump

    Humanity is at its closest yet to destroying itself, according to Tuesday’s reset of the ominous “Doomsday Clock.” The symbolic clock now reads 89 seconds to midnight after advancing one second since last year’s reset.

    Trump needs to commit troops to Ukraine to prevent nuclear war.

    • Not Adahn

      I blame Trump

      I mean, yes? That’s literally the reason those commies are upping their panic.

  13. Not Adahn

    Apparently the teatotalling, non-smoking OMB reversed the FDA’s ban on menthol cigarettes.

    Simple spite against the FDA, or a reward to his new voters?

      • Not Adahn

        Eh, I really doubt that. He seems very susceptible to “common-sense” nannyism. Like his ban on bump stocks.

    • R C Dean

      Once again, that idiot Trump does something that sends multiple messages. To the black people who are the main customers, it was “I hear you, I get it.” To the FDA, it was “who’s your daddy now?”. To the I-care Karens, it was “I don’t.”

    • Rat on a train

      Flavorings must be limited to things like burnt toast, vomit, and soap.

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