Prince of the North Tower – Chapter 32

by | Jan 19, 2025 | Fiction, Literature | 125 comments

Buying support from a skrael family was not difficult given the amount of money we were hauling around. The twisted confines of Skrael Town were built around three vertical scars through the rock and a convoluted warren of tunnels around it. I could only guess that it was originally a mine whose ore had played out. It was stacked with workshops and homes that ranged from hovels to more stately edifices. The outer faces of the ‘structures’ were smoothed and carved into an imitation of ashlar and masonry arches, despite being hewn directly from the rock. I only got glimpses of the main chambers and passages as our local guides led us though more deserted tunnels in an effort to avoid us being spotted in turn. I couldn’t tell much about the structure of a skrael household, but they lived in clusters of chambers off a main hall where the cooking was done and the family’s craft was undertaken. The family housing us appeared to be leatherworkers, producing everyday goods from tanned hides they bought from others. The smaller rooms off the main hall were too short for us to fit in, so we sat in the open space between the kitchen and workshop.

Lothar lay on a stone slab as a skrael apothecary inspected the wound on his thigh. The apothecary had dark green scales and black, knobbly, horn-like growths on his head. These growths were in two neat rows, and appeared to be a trait of male skrael. The females had smooth heads and less angular snouts. From tip of snout to tip of tail, the average skrael looked to be as long as a human was tall, though from foot to crown they stood only half that. Our hosts had dark, rust-red scales and ivory-colored pseudohorns, in contrast to the coloration of the apothecary. I wondered if there was any significance to it.[58] After his initial examination the apothecary looked up.

“This is definitely the result of a poison,” he said in dwarfish. It was bizarre to hear the sound emerge from a reptilian mouth that hardly moved.[59] “But to treat it, I will need to know what inflicted it.”

“Venom rats,” I said.

The apothecary was silent for a moment, then dipped his head. “I will need a few more items to treat this. Even then, I can not make any guarantees.” He picked up his bag, leaving those supplies he’d already extracted on the slab next to Lothar. Skrael households had no windows, so he was gone the moment he stepped out the door. I can’t imagine how the ventilation worked in Skrael Town, but the draft carried the smoke from the cooking fire up the chimney in the middle of the room. That fire was the only source of light, and draped the hall in a soft orange glow. A clutch of skrael clustered around the raised platform on which the fire burned, tending the contents of a variety of pots. I’d never watched cooks at work before, so the significance of what they were doing at any given time was lost on me. But for the time being, I had nothing to do beyond stand ready.

Given the convoluted layout of Skrael Town, it would be nigh impossible for the legion to search the area. If they even realized that’s the direction we had escaped the palace. Then again, they wouldn’t need to search the district – just incentivize someone to tell them where we were hiding. I looked at the apothecary’s ingredients on the slab and found my hand moving towards the Sword of Jochen. My gaze snapped to the closed door of the household. Were there other exits? If the apothecary had gone off to betray us to the legion, we wouldn’t know until they broke down the door. Alternatively, he could have been perfectly honest and needed to fetch ingredients. I stared tensely at the door until my attention was diverted by a skrael holding a bowl up to me.

The bright blue glazed earthenware dish fit in my hand such that with the base in my palm, my fingertips were at the rim. The iron utensil provided had a leaf-shaped spoon head on one end, and two tines on the other. The skrael used either end as needed, spinning it around with practiced dexterity. I used the tines to prod about the contents of my bowl. There were chunks of meat in a dark brown gravy, some fruit that had clearly been only recently rehydrated in a sauce made from the same water, and sliced mushrooms in yet another type of sauce. The liquids were mixing at the margins, and I noted a distinct lack of any grains or vegetables. Still, it had been quite some time since I’d eaten, so I ate. Mushrooms and vinegar was not a flavor I was expecting, and they used far too much vinegar. Once everyone’s bowl was down, our hosts filled and passed out tiny cups. Seeing the skrael holding up their drinks, we copied the gesture. In unison, everyone downed their slug. I instantly regretted it. Astringent was too polite a word for it. The fumes cleared my sinuses instantly, and the liquid burned all the way down. Poor Ritter was coughing and sputtering in the corner, and I saw the first cracks in Vogel’s calm and collected demeanor as he tried to pretend the beverage he’d just downed wasn’t awful.

The knock at the door drew my attention away from the foul taste. One of our hosts cracked the door, then opened it wide enough for the green apothecary to step in. I almost relaxed before the dwarf in a hooded cloak stepped in behind him. The Sword of Jochen was out of its scabbard and ready in half a heartbeat. The dwarf raised his spread hands, and stepped to the side to let two more hooded dwarfs in the hall. I refrained from attacking while they closed the door. The second dwarf lowered his hood, revealing himself to be Ambassador Partanen.

“Who are the other two?” I asked.

“You may not recognize my lictor without his armor,” Partanen said. He gestured towards the first dwarf who’d entered. The silent dwarf had a rough, craggy face with a short black beard. Partanen continued, “And this is Olavi Sippe, my family physician. He’s here to help.” Olavi was a jowly, white bearded dwarf with narrow eyes.

I returned the blade to its scabbard. “You can understand my caution.” Olavi moved to Lothar’s side to begin his examination. Partanen walked over to stand beside me.

“Perfectly understandable with the chaos in the city.”

“What chaos?” I asked.

Partanen paused for a second, “Of course, you wouldn’t get much news. With the Emperor and Arch Lawspeaker dead, everyone has decided either that now is the perfect time to strike, or that they must act before their enemies do. There have been assaults, ambushes, and assassinations all over the city. Some neighborhoods have descended into outright warzones between factions. Not just the traditionalist-pragmatist divide either. This is all dwarf versus dwarf, so Skrael Town is quiet. I don’t even know how you could have ended up here.”

“That’s not important,” I said. “After Lothar is treated, we need to get out of the city, and out of Quendaverus entirely.”

“That would be the prudent move. It is unclear who will be in control of the Empire after this mess. The legions’ loyalties are fungible, but necessary to secure the throne and restore order. Fortunately, most are weeks away. Only the First and the Fifth are close enough to be in play for a while. The First is unlikely to be kind to you.”

“Any suggestions?” I asked.

“A merchant caravan is less likely to arouse suspicions than a pack of humans travelling on their own. I happen to know where to find one,” Partanen said. “Your horses and possessions are still at the monastery. It’s far enough from the city that the violence hasn’t touched it. From there, the caravan can make for the Ironblood Spill.”

Over at the slab, Olavi set aside the bandage. “We will have to excise the necrotic tissue and pack the wound with the mixture our friend is preparing.” He nodded towards the skrael apothecary. “In a few hours we can clean and close the wound, assuming the damage isn’t too deep. If it is too deep, we will have to amputate.”

Lothar was in a spell of lucidity as he reached for something in the workshop half of the hall. With a few gestures, he convinced someone to hand him a half-made leather strap. Folding it, he fit the strap between his teeth, then gave a nod to Olavi. The physician extracted a recurved blade from his bag, and I turned away from the scene. I didn’t want to see him enact the procedure. Just the sound Lothar made, and Olavi’s calm, “Please hold him still,” told me how unpleasant the scene was.

“So, to get from here to outside the city…” I said, prompting Partanen.

“If we use the correct gate, we can get you out of the city without a fight.”

“Do you know which gate that would be?”

“I do.”

***

The gate in question was a small egress in the tannery district where the tanners and dyers could move goods in and out of the city without bringing the odors of their craft through the more respectable parts of the city. We had to move Lothar in a cart with a few finished leather hides covering him. Whether the guards permitted our passage because of a parcel of coinage or factional loyalty, I couldn’t say and didn’t care. We made it to the monastery in the predawn hours and hid within its walls while waiting for the caravan to be assembled. A real caravan was easier to scare up than a forgery, and this one was carrying olives.

Dwarfs shipped olives packed in brine in giant, cauldron-shaped clay pots with wooden lids. These pots were so big that a wagon only fit two. They were also braced into position with more wood to keep them from shifting. Being big enough to hold a person, they naturally drew the attention of guards at checkpoints. They were so obvious a hiding place that after the contents were verified to be nothing but olives and brine, the checkpoints didn’t bother searching the rest of the wagon. With us hiding amongst the straw under the wooden bracing, that was a good thing. Though now even a mention of olives conjures up the image of a grimy dwarf legionnaire with his arm in the vat up to the shoulder, feeling for a false bottom or contraband. I’ve avoided olives since then.

We could have pretended to be slaves, but I wanted to have my sword at the ready and be able to take action if discovered. Besides, it would be hard to explain away so many not being able to understand basic commands in dwarfish. So we hid in the wagons at the checkpoints, and rode at a slow walk in between. The official border between Quendaverus and the Volkmund was the Ironblood Spill. The problem was that the river moved. It kept shifting its convoluted course, doubling back on itself and leaving oxbow lakes behind in the red soil. The source of the river was Lake Meander, and the dwarf road crossed the river close to the lake. The basin the lake sat in was not made of the silty red soil of the valley, but was instead a dense volcanic rock. I spent my time contemplating the oddity of the name and the local geology to avoid contemplating Lothar’s condition. He’d grown feverish, and his bouts of lucidity were less common. So, I watched the river run red with the soil it eroded from the valley floor.

Though the border was officially the river, the effective boundary line had shifted more to being the steep cliffs on the dwarf side of the valley. It was a less mobile landmark, and a more effective barrier than the shallow waters of the Ironblood Spill. Still, none of the human lords had built any fortifications to the east of the river. The fortifications west of the river were not terribly impressive, reminding me more of walled villas than castles. Despite the different accent, it was reassuring to be challenged by the guards in volksprache. With our battered and patched liveries, we did not present as august a facade as might be desired. But Soren convinced the guards we were who we said we were, and they let us in. We were met in the courtyard by a wiry man with wavy brown hair and the barest hint of a moustache.

“Greetings, my lords. I am Folcher Blutenblatte[60], steward of this estate.”

“Are you related to a Hugo Blutenblatte in the service of Gebhard Freinmarkt-Ziegeberg by chance?” Hengist asked.

“Hugo is my cousin.”

“We parted ways from him on the way out of Quendaverus and had a rougher road to get back to the Volkmund. Have you heard from him?”

“I have not,” Folcher said.

“Perhaps you can aid us anyway?”

“What is it you require?” Folcher asked.

“An ivory wizard if you can find one, or any other aid you can render.”

“We don’t have an ivory wizard, but I will send for the surgeon,” Folcher said. He gave a slight bow and headed inside.

“Lothar will need a good deal of rest,” I said, “And I need to get to Stirnberg.”

“Then this is where we part ways for now,” Hengist said. “I can get word to my knights as to my whereabouts. Then I suppose I will be in the market for sellswords. I’ve… never actually had to hire any before.”

***

It was only two days at the plodding pace of the caravan to cross the ridge and reach the Grunstrom. The dwarfs had no intention of going any further. There were plenty of barges headed downriver, though only as far as Freinmarkt. We fell into our usual habit of sparring during river travel. Ritter was getting better but was still the least skillful of the lot of us. Lenz was still the only opponent able to challenge me, which had its own problems. We knew each other so well that our bouts were almost like a dance in steel, and neither of us was even using that absurd Bladesong style[61]. If Kranz was surprised by our unannounced arrival in Freinmarkt, he didn’t show it. He had remembered to move enough furniture out of storage to set up a smaller dining room.

Across from the Guildhall of Goldsmiths, Krahenhammer’s shop was where I’d last seen it. The same blond apprentice was in the front room. This time, he sat behind the counter, honing the edge on a dagger. He looked up, glanced at my livery badge, and then at Ritter behind me.

“Can I help you?”

I set the canvas-wrapped bundle I was carrying down on the counter. “Is Master Krahenhammer in?”

“Yes,” the apprentice said.

“I’ll be out shortly,” Krahenhammer said from the back room. I spent the time untying the rope holding the bundle together. When the short bladesmith emerged from the back room, he was fastening the last button on his sleeveless waistcoat. Despite his efforts to be more presentable, the blotches of sweat on his shirtsleeves were clearly visible. Given his profession, I ignored them. “How may I help you?” he asked.

Opening the bundle, I revealed the two swords he’d made. I drew the shorter blade from its sheath until the broken end emerged, then tipped the remainder from the scabbard. Krahenhammer picked up the blade in horror. Revealing the damage to the longblade didn’t have the same impact, as it was only a savaged edge.

“You broke my blade.” I should not have been shocked at how distraught Krahenhammer looked at the sight of his handiwork in pieces. I can’t imagine how many hours of effort that one shattered blade represented.

“It was very distressing to me as well,” I said, though the words felt hollow. I was not well practiced at mollifying people. “I came here to get it repaired.”

“You can’t just stitch steel back together. This amount of damage… you’ll never have a viable blade again.”

“Can you transfer the handles to new blades?” I asked.

“Well, maybe. Depends on how much more damage gets done taking them off. It may even be more work than starting over.”

“That is what I would like you to do.”

“It’s going to take at least as long as a brand new sword for each of them. After all, there is going to have to be a new blade forged for each, and as I said-” Krahenhammer fell quiet at the sound of a coin purse landing on the counter.

“As long as you’re willing to do the work, we can talk costs and time.”

“Are you looking for an equivalent replacement?”

“I’d rather the replacement blade be stronger – strong enough to survive what I put them through.”

“And what would that be?”

“They broke while I was trying to not get eaten by a lindwyrm.”

“I don’t think it was a lindwyrm,” Ritter said.

“It was a lizard with a mouth bigger than I am,” I said, “But the one sword had been weakened when hacking through a troll’s neckbones.”

“I see,” Krahenhammer said, incredulously.

“I can vouch for the lizard,” Ritter said.

“Even if I were making any of it up, that’s the sort of durability I’m looking for,” I said.

“And will you be in Freinmarkt?”

“No, I have to continue on to Stirnberg to pay homage to the Emperor and claim the Iron Diadem. I’m told I have a house there for when the Diet is in session. That would be the best place to reach me.”


[58] There is not. It is merely a hereditary trait, and all residents in a household are blood relatives. It is happenstance that the trusted apothecary was green and the leatherworkers rust.

[59] The skrael voicebox is well adapted for mimicry, able to duplicate the vocalizations of a great many species. I employed a skrael linguist as a translator for a while because of the utility of this trait.

[60] I had some doubts with regards to my uncle’s memory about this encounter. I had only ever heard of Folcher as von Skraelkirk. Though after some research, I discovered that Folcher only acquired Skraelkirk after the unexpected demise of a different cousin. At the time, he was actually serving as a steward for the Markgraf Geistenwald.

[61] I suspect Prince Kord was merely teasing me personally in mocking my preferred fighting style. I learned it from him in the first place, even if he didn’t use it often.


If you want your own copy, the whole book is available from Amazon in eBook, Paperback, and Hardcover variants.

About The Author

UnCivilServant

UnCivilServant

A premature curmudgeon and IT drone at a government agency with a well known dislike of many things popular among the Commentariat. Also fails at shilling Books

125 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    A bit of a breather chapter in between action peaks.

    • SarumanTheGreat

      “A bit of a breather.”

      Sometimes even reluctant heroes have to rest, eat, and heal.

      “I’ve avoided olives since then.”

      Reminds me of a scene from The Hobbit, where Kili the Dwarf said he never wanted to eat apples again after being stuck in an empty apple barrel for days on end. As to why they didn’t search the straw anyway, DEG said it best.

      “Lake Meander”

      There was an actual river named Meander in Asia Minor (eastern Turkey) that was Roman territory (with a few hiatuses) until the Ottomans. I don’t know what the current name is without consulting google. The Ironblood spill reminds me of the Yellow River, whose over the centuries of cutting through loess deposits has often radically changed, resulting in mass starvation as the rice paddies dependent on its flow go dry.

      Derp was wrong in (gently) ridiculing your fight scenes. A swordfight or even a melee ain’t a firefight, especially one fought behind cover as in that scene from Private Ryan. The closest equivalent in Kord’s world would be the sorcerous battle during his previous visit to Dwarfdom.

      It wouldn’t surprise me if the Dwarf who eventually becomes Emperor blames his predecessor’s death on Kord & Co. and puts a price on his head, or declares war.

  2. Gender Traitor

    …now even a mention of olives conjures up the image of a grimy dwarf legionnaire with his arm in the vat up to the shoulder, feeling for a false bottom or contraband. I’ve avoided olives since then.

    With all he’s been through, it seems a little odd that this would stick with him, but…I can understand it. 🤢

    • UnCivilServant

      It was a high stress situation, and he’s more likely to run into olives than hiding in a wagon again.

    • Suthenboy

      My father is a bit of a germaphobe. When he sees people, especially restaurant staff, touching food or utensils that touch food he grimaces and says “I dont know where those fingers have been.”
      My reply every time is “Yes you do.”

      • R C Dean

        In a well-run kitchen, where those fingers have been pretty recently is “under a faucet after a quick wash with soap”.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I dunno. The ongoing persistence of such diseases proves that handwashing simply doesn’t work.

      • Suthenboy

        RC, that is a funny way of saying “In the bathroom trying to shake the stuck toilet paper off of them before being wiped casually on pants leg.”

      • rhywun

        In a well-run kitchen

        Oo la LA.

      • Fourscore

        I wash my hands before I go use the facilities. I know where my equipment has been but can’t remember where my hands of been.

        /sarc

  3. DEG

    They were so obvious a hiding place that after the contents were verified to be nothing but olives and brine, the checkpoints didn’t bother searching the rest of the wagon.

    Good enough for government work.

    • Suthenboy

      I know a guy who used to illegally smuggle his paycheck out of Zimbabwe to SA by putting it in a a greasy, crumpled sandwich bag on the dash of his car in full view. After searching under the hood, seats, trunk etc the guards would wave him through.

  4. creech

    Those missed pays are going to kill the Iggles.

    • creech

      Oops, guess not. Iggles v. Redskins next week.

      • SarumanTheGreat

        It’s been their style this season – get a good lead, and then fritter it away. Most of the time they get away with it, but not against Atlanta and most importantly against the Redskins a few games back. And Hurts is hurtin’.

  5. Brochettaward

    I’ll tell you what’s the rarest thing in the world. A woman who takes accountability for fucking anything.

    • juris imprudent

      So is that actually any fucking, or any thing?

      • Tonio

        [golf clap]

      • Ted S.

        My first thought was that Bro knocked someone up, but that would finally be a first.

      • Raven Nation

        @TedS: well played

    • Aloysious

      I just love to hear the words, “That’s not me.”

      Yeah, right.

    • SarumanTheGreat

      I guess I’m lucky!

  6. The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

    Let’s go Buffalo!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Since the vaunted NFC Central shit the bed in the playoffs, I’m back to rooting for the BBQ Sauce Slatherers from KC.

      I’ll root for Buffalo in this game too.

      Ever since the idiotic Matt Birk went to Baltimore and won an undeserved ring, I’ve hated them.

      • R C Dean

        Ever since Baltimore was a suburb of the Imperial Capitol, I’ve hated them.

  7. Gustave Lytton

    Ran across this advertising in the wild:

    https://www.goarmy.com/es/carreras-y-trabajos/encuentra-tu-camino/civiles-del-army?iom=CBPU-2826108_N_AP_USAREC_vanity_CarrerasCivilesArmy_Redirect_spanish

    US Army is recruiting non-English speakers for civilian roles. And not as bilingual/tranlator positions. What the everliving fuck is wrong with these tone deaf idiots? Austin and on down should be swinging from a rope as the traitors they are. Fat fuck Milley can get two ropes for his cake tube.

    • rhywun

      Diversity is our strength, bigot.

    • SarumanTheGreat

      Reminds me of the problems the British 8th Army had in the Western Desert of Egypt during 1940-1941. Half a dozen or more nationalities with almost as many languages all equipped with their own styles of weaponry, all of which had to be supplied with the proper ammunition to be useful. It seriously impeded the fight against Rommel.

  8. Lazer

    Sorry OMWC, looks like playoff Lamar has shown up.

  9. Ted S.

    Maybe that’s why Lamar Jackson doesn’t get the endorsements.

    • hayeksplosives

      I thought it was his speech is unintelligible

  10. UnCivilServant

    *bleep*

    I’m really starting to hate the fedex drivers. They decided that half tucking a package behind the wrong door was a good idea so that the door was not closed, and both got blown away. If the door were not attached to the house, it’d be lost, but the package is probably in the river.

    • Gender Traitor

      Hope the door isn’t damaged! What was in the package?

      • UnCivilServant

        My long delayed sliding microswitches

      • Gender Traitor

        😖

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s $25 of common components. Annoying, sure, but I’ve reported the missing package to Fedex, and if they don’t fix it, I’ll complain to DigiKey. At worst, I’m out $25.

  11. The Hyperbole

    “He’s too precious” fuck that play football.

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      Yeah, that line was a little too cute.

      That said I think we did get away with something there.

    • Chafed

      Every time I read about it my blood boils.

      • Ted S.

        And no one cares about Shaver because he was a White victim.

    • Suthenboy

      That was one of the most egregious cases I have seen. A lot of the time I can try putting myself in the cops shoes and maybe this, maybe that, he was scared, panicked, confused….something.
      This is not one of those cases. This is where some evil dude figured he had to chance to murder someone in cold blood without consequence and took it.

      I have a question: Where is Phillip Brailsford today? What has he been doing since then? Anybody care to talk to every single person he knows or has known to see what they think about him? I bet 20 bucks to a hole in a donut there is smoke somewhere around that guy. A person does not just become a depraved murderer suddenly nor stop being one.

      • LCDR_Fish

        One of the cases I’m really happy that Mark Geragos took. (haven’t followed his podcast as much since he’s not doing it with Adam Carolla any more – just too much celebrity junk most of the time). I don’t know whether a lot of other lawyers could have gotten that kind of judgment for the family – just pissed it came from the taxpayer.

    • Lazer

      That was a sad one; and a travesty the cop was not convicted.

    • Sensei

      Ow, my balls.

    • rhywun

      This is why people hate police.

      It is, and yet…

      I don’t think it serves to bring hate upon the entire profession. That way lies “ACAB” and yes, I believe extra crimeyness.

      I also don’t ever see this case raised by the professional “ACAB” folks. Ted’S. hints at the reason why above.

      • Sensei

        Unions should pay for insurance for their members for civil judgements.

        It would incentivize them, but far from perfectly, to want to police their own.

        In this case the $8m would have come out of their pocket.

      • juris imprudent

        I will be unabashed and unreserved in my hatred for cop union bosses/mouthpieces, and any police institution that fails to hold someone in uniform that is corrupt or incompetent to account.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Unions neither supervise nor employ their members.

        In any case, shifting costs to unions or individual officers will only work in the short term, if at all. Eventually wages would reprice to account for the increased personal liability and costs.

    • Tundra

      Thank you.

      Now where’s my wood chipper?

  12. rhywun

    Let’s go Buffalo

    Goodness me this isn’t the blowout I would prefer 🙂

    • rhywun

      OMG the drama

    • Lazer

      Lamar (almost) redeems himself. Mark Andrews on the other hand, oh my!

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      We always make it interesting. Can’t just win clean.

  13. Ted S.

    Congratulations, OMWC.

    • rhywun

      😮

      • juris imprudent

        He doesn’t have to pretend to be magnanimous.

  14. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    welp.

  15. Tundra

    I don’t care about either of these teams, but I am rooting for someone to beat the faggots.

    Go Bills!

    • rhywun

      That’s the spirit!

    • Lazer

      lol. Should be a good game.

      You do realize the Chiefs went 50 years between Super Bowls, had many agonizing playoff defeats and now we are #1. Bring the hate, we love it! Better to be hated than to have everyone say “Oh you’re a Chiefs fan, I’m sorry “. How’s the Vikings looking next week? 😂

      • juris imprudent

        Not that I am one, but being a Patriots fan these days isn’t the fun it used to be.

      • rhywun

        50 years between Super Bowls

        Oh STFU

      • Tundra

        What rhy said

      • slumbrew

        JI, as a Patriots fan I remain utterly serene.

        20 years of total dominance buys a lot of slack.

        They won’t get back to that anytime soon but I dig the Vrabel hire and Maye is a stud.

      • Common Tater

        “20 years of total dominance”

        The Pats went nowhere until Brady, Then you lost two Super Bowls.

      • slumbrew

        They lost more than two. Won a few, too.

      • R C Dean

        “Better to be hated than to have everyone say “Oh you’re a Chiefs fan, I’m sorry “.”

        *nods in Dallasian*

        I read yesterday that Dallas is the only NFC team who hasn’t been to the conference championship game since their last appearance in 1996.

    • Brochettaward

      I wouldn’t have an issue with the Chiefs if it wasn’t for the very generous officiating they’ve received. It goes beyond just the usual complaining about stars getting calls or jealousy. It’s legit.

      • Common Tater

        Agreed. It’s bullshit. Just shows how cash rules.

  16. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Sorry, OMWC. But I’m guessing you’ll get laid fairly enthusiastically tonight

    • Chafed

      So he’s got that going for him. Which is nice.

  17. rhywun

    Such a lack of enforcement of such basic “social norms” as being polite on the subway is a slippery slope to a dangerous city, Mangual said, and that it won’t change unless the city steps up parents raise their fucking kids right.

    FTFY

    Article about a perennial problem in NYC: monsters who get off on terrorizing everyone around them.

    • R C Dean

      How the hell is the city supposed to enforce “being polite on the subway”, anyway?

  18. Raven Nation

    Did not see the end of Bills/Ravens: how bad was the 2-point conversion drop?

    • Chipping Pioneer

      He’ll be playing in the CFL A next year.

      • Chafed

        Oof

    • creech

      You could have made the catch.

      • Common Tater

        Well, I could if I wasn’t drunk.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, bad.

      Or good 🙂

  19. Mojeaux

    I need a shower so badly and I can barely move. Still have to pick my kid up at work at midnight because his car buying and driving skillz suck. He makes bank and promptly has to sink it into repairs.

    • Common Tater

      Sorry 🙁

      Why can’t you barely move?

      • Mojeaux

        Day 3 of taking care of my bedbound mother.

        I’ll get stronger.

    • R C Dean

      Uber isn’t a thing there?

  20. PieInTheSky

    Bills eagles in the finals?

    • Common Tater

      I’m rooting for the Bills. I think there is just too much vested interest in having the Chiefs win — Threepeat, Taylor Swift, State Farm, Pfizer, tabloid hype — they want a marketing icon.

      In regards to to Redskinsuited/ Eagles, I’m a Giants fan, so I hope they both lose.

      • rhywun

        I am so fucking sick of Taylor Swift on the cover of the NY Post every single day.

      • Common Tater

        #metoo

        Except there is huge money in that shit.

      • R C Dean

        My absolute nightmare matchup in terms of the two teams I hate the most is the Eagles and the Commies. The Ravens aren’t far behind, what with with Baltimore being a suburb of the Imperial Capitol and all, so at least I got that out of the games this weekend.

  21. Common Tater

    Anyway, I’m happy the Bills won.

    And not happy, the Eagles and Redskins both didn’t lose.

  22. Common Tater

    The Village People played at a Trump event.

    • rhywun

      Oh lordy the next 4 years starts tomorrow.

      Buckle up.

  23. Gustave Lytton

    More bigot thoughts. There’s no need to provide voting material (ballots, guides, etc) in any language other than English. If you can’t read or understand English well enough to mark a ballot, you have no business voting. There is no way you can be an informed elector.

    Same for most government services.

    • R C Dean

      Completely agree.

  24. Gustave Lytton

    Garbage disposal replaced. New one is noticeably quieter and yet it’s the same model number. Last of the weekend chores. Nightcap then snow day tomorrow.

    • LCDR_Fish

      no loose/worn-out parts

    • R C Dean

      As a member of the Rural-American community (at least as far as being on a septic rather than sewer), I haven’t run a garbage disposal in probably 20 years. Even though every house has had one.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve never felt them to be safe and never used them, I prefer not to have one installed at all.

      • Fourscore

        Same with us. When you own the sanitation equipment you tend to worry about it.

        Expensive to repair, ask me how I know.

    • The Hyperbole

      2°, nice and brisk.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Almost 60 here…and the crazy wind finally stopped yesterday. Will probably come back.

    • UnCivilServant

      Nine degrees here.

      I need more weekend.

      • Fourscore

        A -29 this morning, coldest day in a couple years, tomorrow’s gong to be even colder but then things change slowly and in 10 days we’re going to start to see some snow melt, though we have little snow. Seeing a little sunshine though and that’s welcome as the days get longer.

    • R C Dean

      “Regardless of their motivation for making that statement, which I won’t speculate on, doing so shows they are too stupid to be trusted with a security clearance.”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yes, whether plain stupid, willfully stupid, or complicity stupid doesn’t matter. I’d say it was the CIA and their “former” operatives putting their thumb on the political scale but what do I know?

    • The Hyperbole

      Parents can always opt out, most just don’t want to go to the trouble of doing it themselves.

      • The Hyperbole

        Educating their children that is.

      • R C Dean

        Also works for “giving their children pornography”.

  25. Rat on a train

    Biden pardoned the Jan 6 committee, Fauci, and Milley.

    • R C Dean

      Well, then I guess they can’t claim the Fifth when put under oath any more.

      • Gender Traitor

        I was hoping one of you legal eagles would say that! 😁

      • Gender Traitor

        And would it still be perjury if they subsequently lied to Congress?

      • Rat on a train

        Pardons are only for past crimes.

    • Sean

      OFFS!

    • juris imprudent

      I don’t suppose he specified what crimes he was pardoning them for.

      • Fourscore

        Hope Biden included a retroactive 40 years for The Faux

      • R C Dean

        Statute of limitations is his friend.

      • Rat on a train

        If a court can convict without specifying the crime, a pardon doesn’t need to.

      • R C Dean

        For such upright pillars of the republic, there is no reason to believe they have committed any crimes. Which is why you needn’t concern yourself, and why they deserve pardons.

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